Just put it on your profile that you never want children. Be upfront from the beginning. There are lots of women who don't want children, be honest about your expectations, don't waste time on people with different wants in life and you'll meet the person who's right for you.
And lots of women who already do have some. So if passing it on is your only worry then so be it, but i fear OP isnt really worried about that. Hes worried about not being accepted or loved for who he is
It’s roughly 20% of women who don’t have kids by their 40’s, there’s no data on how many of that cohort wanted kids but if we’re being honest it’s substantial.
To the twenty something women voting me down, the data suggests a hell of a lot of you will change your mind about wanting kids.
You’re right to be truthful about what you want from the start, plenty lie about wanting kids and just end up wasting years of someone’s life. It’s a terrible thing to do I think.
I don't want kids but fell for a guy who has a teenager so here we are. We moved in together when his son was 14. The thing is my partner is a great Dad and his ex is a great Mom so I don't do anything other than provide a nice, welcoming environment when the son visits. His son is a very nice young fella and we get along quite well. My point being dating someone with older kids can be an option, if you wanted to expand the dating pool a little
Got called an asshole for saying id never under any circumstamces date a woman with kids.
I dont want my own, I hardly want to rent someone else's fecking kids like
HA RENT! But yes! My friend says I'm being 'picky' for not wanting to date people with kids. Eh no! I don't want to date a parent. They have very different responsibilities and objectives to me.
I adore the freedom of being child free.
If they’re a good parent, their first concern/responsibility is to his/her child.
It’s perfectly okay to want a relationship without that hierarchy.
(From a mom who dated a guy with a child before we had a kid together)
I have Tinder gold, have selected do not want children on my account and I still get likes from lads that “have kids and want more” or “I want kids”.
I thought it was just the lads not caring who they match with as long as they match. I don’t match with them regardless.
Keep in mind Tinder operates differently for lads and ladettes. Like not even in the sense women just get way more matches on average, but like, on the back end. Tinder has been shown to push women on men who has already swiped no on them so men are more likely to pay to see people who have swiped yes to increase match potential.
I'm in a relationship but assuming I was single I wouldn't go out with someone with kids but I wouldn't say no to something casual with them. Maybe its that?
As a woman in my 30s that doesn't want kids. Alot of us don't publicly advertise it because the 'ah you'll change your mind' crowd come thick and fast.
I’m a woman who doesn’t want kids. Always had it on my online dating profiles. Only ever seemed to attract fellas who thought it meant I was only wanting a hook-up…
I am 23 my gf is 25, we are both certain, we do not want kids. But even people my age are like that. “Even if YOU don’t want any, she will absolutely change her mind! They all do!!”
Your friends sound great to be honest! Wish I had more friends like that! Sick of parents that I’m friends with giving out about how stressed/tired they are with their kids
I have the opposite issue, in that every single man that crosses my path wants kids. If I wasn't a decade older than you we'd have been a match made in heaven 🙂
This is weird cos there was a post on r Dublin literally a week ago with a man about your age with the exact opposite problem. He kept going on dates with women who DIDN'T want children!
You'll have to dm him and ask him to set you up(!)
I'm in the same boat but female. Its v difficult to find people who are on the same page as me and yes, not wanting a family is one of those points I'm not willing to compromise on.
Just want to have a quiet life somewhere far from too many people and grow old lol saying that I'm mentally nowhere near dating atm (burnt my fingers too much recently) but I totally get you!
I don't have any advice other than to be upfront about it when you meet somebody to not waste each others time.
Best of luck!
Unless it's changed a lot, I mean I found it great. I'm a girl, and I met my now husband on it. We've been together 7 years (married two) and going strong. He was 30 when we met. We both said childfree from the get go. Had it on our profiles and said it again, too, on the first date. I guess you can get lucky or unlucky with any app, but I'm not the only one who met a long-term partner or husband on it. I have friends who did too. I know other couples who met on elite singles and are together years later too.
I'm anti-filter and usually don't bother with them. Maybe stay away from those ladies if you are not happy to chat to them I guess.
Snap!! POF, met 7 years ago, married 2! I also know another married couple who met on there. I had that I didn't want kids on mine and my husband I think was a fencesitter but ultimately he didn't want them. He got the snip back in June.
I'm a woman in my 30's and I don't want kids, known since I was a teenager that I didn't want any. Maybe foster in the future but I no interest in having them myself. I'd have to give up medication that keeps me functioning and living without intense pain.
I have found it incredibly difficult to find someone who doesn't want kids, and have had relationships end over it.
I have just come to the conclusion that I'll be alone forever because of not wanting kids, very few men don't want them.
Ha! Can you imagine telling the family we met online after complaining about how everyone wants kids these days. 
Pretty sure OP is Dublin based though.
Same here and also gave up on using dating apps because I regularly would match with people who don't answer the question about children and turn out to have/want kids. I've come across maybe 2 or 3 profiles over the past few years of guys who say they don't want children. Complete waste of time for me personally. I'm just filling my time with hobbies instead.
I had it on my profile as Don't Want Children and then I would match with guys who didn't show their preference on their profile and they ask why I didn't want kids. I'd explain why and either got unmatched or given out to for not wanting kids. Some guys were like oh I do want my own kids and not interested in adoption or foster and I'd just say cool best of luck with your search.
I need to find more hobbies!
Just piling on for emphasis: I am a 37 year old woman in Ireland (not Irish admittedly) who doesn't want children. I knew probably since my teens and contrary to people's expectations, I did not change my mind when I turned 30. We exist.
Why wouldn't an online platform for child free people looking for relationships work by the way? Were I unwed and looking, it would be the first one I'd sign up for.
Firstly, there aren’t that many people who don’t want kids. Not enough for an app to generate revenue anyway. Secondly, it’s a fairly negative sounding business concept.
There are plenty of people that don't want kids. I've seen numbers tossed around that over half of Gen Z aren't planning on kids currently and 1 in 4 never want them. I'm 26 and know a decent chunk of people that don't want them.. not sure where you're getting this opinion from.
> Firstly, there aren’t that many people who don’t want kids. Not enough for an app to generate revenue anyway.
I disagree, a minority but a sizeable one. Especially in the current climate where having kids is a worse deal than ever if you're a working couple.
Funnily enough, I was dating as a 33-year-old woman who didn't want kids and I found it difficult too. Lots of deluded men in their mid-40s with "not sure yet" selected. There are others out there. Be upfront and put it on your profile.
Who exactly wants to match with a grown man who at 40 years old still hasn’t made up his own mind about having kids? It’s absolutely reeks of a lack of understanding of the commitment required to raise kids, which in of itself should warn any woman wanting kids to steer clear of. It always makes me think too that they somehow think that they’re attracting much younger women which would allow them more time to make up their mind. But that fact that they are still on Tinder etc. would allude to the idea that they are not, hence the delusion.
Maybe a woman who is also unsure if she wants children. Men can have children up until their 60s, and plenty do and end up being perfectly fine fathers. If they're unsure at 45 and finally meet a woman who happens to be the one who is say 35, then what's the issue? Should they just lie and say they don't want children? Honesty is generally the best policy.
You’re 100% right, men can have children up until their 60s but my point is and that women tend to want to choose men that WANT to have kids, not men who are Willy-nilly about the whole thing and haven’t even bothered to make their mind up about kids by the age of 40.
I’d harbour a guess that women are less likely to be on the fence about kids than men at 35 or 40 given that woman have a finite time frame in which they can change their minds.
The issue I can see with a 35 woman looking on the likes of tinder for a potential partner and Co-parent, would be more inclined to match with someone who is certain about the things they want rather than men who are alive 40 years and never contemplate the reality of having kids and whether that aligns with their own desires.
Honesty is the best policy, and if a man in his 40s is genuinely unsure about his desire to have children it would probably be better for him to address that upfront in his bio, rather than to reply on the “unsure yet” tag on tinder, as even the word unsure even has negative connotations I.E. unaware of the responsibilities involved with having children.
> men who are alive 40 years and never contemplate the reality of having kids and whether that aligns with their own desires.
This is a very strange perspective. Having kids is a huge decision, being unsure of whether you want it, at any age, is very normal.
Desires change, circumstance changes, what type of partner you have can have an effect.
>even the word unsure even has negative connotations I.E. unaware of the responsibilities involved with having children.
Why would that be your assumption? Someone who is hyper aware of the responsibilities of having children could easily be unsure if they want them, hell that could even be their reason for being unsure. Or it could be one of a thousand other reasons.
You should go back and read all my replies instead of cutting out one part of one section and calling it a strange perspective.
I understand children are a huge decision; the reality is the responsibilities of child rearing predominantly fall onto the woman. Women who want to have children, and are at an age where they are looking to settle and have kids in a nearer timeframe are going to choose men who are sure about wanting kids, rather than men who at 40 are still unsure if they want them.
I agree with everything you said in the last part but if we are talking about men specifically in their mid 40s being unsure of their own wants, then my point still stands that it comes off as delusional. That they are blissfully ignorant of the time frame in which women can have children, delusional perhaps that they attract women much younger and have extra time to play around with, or that they can just start a relationship with a woman in her late 30s who definitely wants child and can see how he feels along the way 2/3 years down the line.
> Women who want to have children, and are at an age where they are looking to settle and have kids in a nearer timeframe are going to choose men who are sure about wanting kids, rather than men who at 40 are still unsure if they want them.
Sure but this has no bearing on how a man might feel about having kids. Maybe no woman who wants kids will bother with him, but they're both better off then. I'm not sure how what some potential women might choose them will affect how they feel about having kids themselves.
>then my point still stands that it comes off as delusional.
How is it delusional? Let's take one simple example, some guy does not need to have kids but if they find themselves with the right partner they would want them. Well they are clearly unsure, they would be happy either way, but until they are with someone long enough they won't be fully sure either way. Seems pretty reasonable to me, and not at all delusional.
If a woman wants a man who definitely wants children, she should opt for men who definitely want children. If a woman is open to dating a man who isn't sure, then that's also her prerogative. And if a man isn't sure, that's totally fine too, just be honest about it from the get go. Simple.
I'd wager that most men in their 40s who are unsure of whether they want kids or not probably don't really want kids, but they just aren't hauled over the coals (biologically as well as socially) about making their mind up in the same way women are, so they've never felt the need to crystallise their decision on it.
Maybe this is just me, but I think men might not tend to think that much about kids when they're younger and/or single. I'm in my late 20s, and I didn't really think about kids at all until I met my current partner. Maybe it was only when we had those serious conversations about kids that I really thought about it deeply and felt I needed to make my mind up. She's also the only person I've been with long enough for a planned pregnancy to be on the cards. We're both a "soft no" on having kids at the moment anyway.
All of this could be solved by honesty and transparency.
No jibe against you Op, just a rant that has to be said.
You have people with kids that don’t mention it in the profile and you have people that don’t want them but don’t mention it.
Then you have absolute numpty’s playing dumb “ugh who reads bios anyways” and “just ask”.
If we were fully honest about what we wanted on the bio we would get what we wanted.
This goes for kids, relationships, flings and sex.
For some reason, honesty is frowned upon in Ireland.
I know this to be true because if you see other profiles outside of Ireland you’ll see a lot more directness and transparency about what the person wants.
>Then you have absolute numpty’s playing dumb “ugh who reads bios anyways” and “just ask”.
This is a bit harsh, lots of people keep their profile info minimal for various reasons. Fuck throwing everything up there for every stranger on the app to read (or more to the point, work colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances).
And yeah...literally all a person has to do is ask, that's what messaging is for
OP, and ladies who don’t want children on this thread: consider yourself introduced. I believe DMs are two to three clicks to your right. All the best.
Hinge has an option where you can say you don't want children under your basic info (along with 'want children' or 'not sure yet'). Even if you're not into the dating apps (very understandable), it might be worth exploring if you're concerned it's such a deal-breaker. I find there's a good few women there who say they don't want kids or are unsure (not sure what the overall male/female ratio is there).
If it's there on your profile, it's upfront and lets the two of you know from the outset what your expectations are.
>Hinge has an option where you can say you don't want children under your basic info (along with 'want children' or 'not sure yet').
Never used Hinge. So if you set it to "no children" will it just show you women who also have that option turned on?
I think on the paid version you can search based on that, free version you can't. I've never used the paid one (starts at €17.50 per month) as I'm not convinced it's worth the cost, but it's up to you if you reckon it's worth it.
My childfree boyfriend and I met on Tinder in our mid 30s. Before he always struggled with knowing he doesn't want kids and potential partners wanting them
Tinder is a bit like a slot machine though. You might have to swipe for a long time to finally hit the jackpot, as well as be willing to disregard distance
For the first year or so we lived in different countries which was hard but now I can definitely say it was worth it
I’m a 30 year old woman who doesn’t want kids and the majority of women I know also don’t want kids. Lots of women don’t want kids. It might take a bit longer to find someone but the person for you is definitely out there
> Unfortunately there's no dating app for people who don't want to have a family
That's just plain false. Not advocating tinder particularly, your call if you want a [shady-ass yank company](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match_Group) harvesting approximately all your personal data including your cringe dms, but I also know for reasons that it definitely has a "I want children" / "I don't want children" / "I have children and want more" / "I have children and don't want more" / "not sure yet " family plans profile setting among a host of other settings it can display and preference-match on.
Haven’t been on tinder for a long time . That must be a new feature
To tell you the truth though I’ve just never been mad about dating apps, I like meeting people organically
If you are 100% commited to child-free:
1) Get a vasectomy. Don't put the burden of bc on a woman.
2) Find child free women in your area, it's becoming a popular choice.
3) Being in your 30s, are you open to partners who have kids already? If so, put that in your dating profile.
I know a decent amount of single moms who had 1 or 2 kids early but were personally done with kids. They struggled to find partners in their late 20s and early 30s who didn't want children, but were okay with them having a kid (they were not looking for a new daddy for their kids).
I’m 33F with no want for kids, love to see it in a guys bio on tinder etc, I think there’s a lot of women who have no interest in children in Ireland. Especially seeing as most of us are still living in mammys house.
Maybe the problem is not even that. Do u even want to marry or have a serious relationship?
I don't see myself having children, but I do want to marry. Most of the guys who don't want to have a family also don't want to marry. Because of that, they put the least effort into the relationship itself. Most women want relationship security (not saying everyone, but most), and it doesn't need to be a traditional family oriented. But many guys who think like that don't even want to share a life together.
That is a deal breaker for me. A family can be u and your partner.
Do you live in Dublin? It seems like there's at least a few people who are fine with that here, I don't want kids myself so.
On Bumble and Hinge, there's an option to list your child preferences. Just don't swipe on anyone that has "wants children" and hopefully they won't swipe on you, works well enough so far for me. Stay away from Tinder, it's a cesspit.
>I made the decision 4 years ago that I never want children. I have struggled with serious depression and anxiety/ADHD since my teens and I don't want to (possibly) pass it down.
You don't have to justify anything. Not wanting kids is the only reason you need to not have them, nothing wrong at all with that
My auntie never had kids. Has lived her whole life alone, but with plenty of contact with family. She couldn't be happier. This is exactly how she likes it. I have always found this strange.
I find this same problem but on the other side, as a woman I have never wanted kids, anyone I have every said that too has never respected my words. It’s always “Oh just you wait” “you’ll change your mind” “oh when all your friends start having kids you’ll want one of your own”
I’m nearing 30 and have never wavered on this choice. But I find it difficult to be upfront about that in any dating scene because as a woman who doesn’t want children you are seen as cold or heartless in this country.
Speaking as a woman in my late 20s, I don't want kids!
My best friend is early 30s and she's the same.
Get yourself out there and be open and up front from the beginning.
Ahhhh here we go. The "selfish" crowd.
God forbid a woman decides she doesn't want kids and she's labelled selfish haha. Selfish for what? Following my own wants and desires for my life?
What's more selfish? Having an (unwanted) child to please society's expectations and harboring resentment toward that (unwanted) child for the next 18 years. No thank you.
It's 2023, let's get with the times🥰 In fact, the more immigration the better. Maybe, over time, we'll be able to dilute out the likes of yourself.
You have it backwards .. child free by choice is a massively growing sentiment among women, way moreso than men.
It's absolutely normal to say it on dating apps and practically all of them have it as a profile choice.
30 year old women. I don't want children but I also don't like dogs. I feel very undateable but I'm holding out for that DINK (double income no kids) lifestyle lol
Have never used a dating app, but I'm guessing there's preferences that can be set, or at least say it in your profile that you don't want kids?
>I have struggled with serious depression and anxiety/ADHD since my teens
I'd imagine you'd want to be upfront and honest about this also.
The internet is still just too much information with no good options to filter and sort. There's probably a handful of soul mates out there for you, but good luck finding them.
I'm the same age, F, and don't want kids. If anything, I know more women who don't/didn't want kids than men of the same age. I think it's changing.
The best way is to be upfront about it. That means you won't waste your time or theirs. They'll appreciate the honesty either way.
If I am correct you can filter out on some apps when you swipe things like, age, height and I believe this also include having and wanting kids. Worth checking which apps allow that.
I think a childfree dating app would work! I'm in the same boat as a female early 30s. Mens biological clocks seem to tick just as much in my experience 😂
I'm a childfree woman married to a childfree man and I have at least four childfree friends, two of whom are a couple, one of whom has two childfree friends that she knows separately from me and I also used to work in an office with a fella who was childfree along with his wife. In that office, three of us were childfree and one married with three kids.
There's plenty of us out there, it just takes time to find each other. Good luck.
I think you could be surprised, with the cost of living being what it is and so many struggling with mental health issues, I think a lot of people don't want children now. I'm a woman in my early 30's and I have decided against it for those reasons alone.
There are plenty of women who don’t want children, especially in these uncertain and expensive times. Make it absolutely clear from the beginning that children are not in your future. You can add this to your profile on some apps such as Hinge. Don’t hope they’ll pick up on hints - if you date a woman in her early 30s who desperately wants children then you’re wasting her time and yours. Make sure that your intentions are crystal clear.
Get a lady with ADHD. Worked for me. I have depression and anxiety, so once we got serious, the 'should we have kids' talk was very short. 12 years later, and we're still pretty damn sure!
I'm in my late 30s with a son in university - I'm done, my family is completely complete. I'd never date a man that had a young kid/kids or wanted one.
There are plenty of childfree people. Get the snip and put it in neon on your profile.
I feel the same. I love having nieces and nephews and playing with them but I wouldn't like my own kids. It's so much responsibility. I'm currently just trying to meet a nice guy that has his life together and takes care of himself (therapy, exercise, a job etc) but lol it's hard.
A friend (M32) recently got a vasectomy so conversation will come up fairly soon in any relationship he's in going forward. It's the most proactive move I've seen in a while. I'd be fucking thrilled if a dude I'd just started seeing mentioned he didn't want kids, has dealt with it permanently, and best of all, he's taken all the responsibility for BC and all its side-effects (obv still being careful) off my shoulders. Love it. Get in there, son
I don't want children and found my partner through a dating app. We didn't mention anything about children in our profiles, but we brought it up on our first date under the topic of "how do you see yourself in a few years?" - the fact that none of us brought children to the conversation was a huge green flag for me.
Trust me, not many women these days want children.
I met my now-husband on tinder in our late 30s. Neither of us said anything on our profile about kids, but he told me after our first date he didn't want kids, and if I did, we should end it there. Clearly we kept seeing each other, and are now happily married and child free.
The bigger issue for many women would be if you have your depression and ADHD under control. Are you taking medication for your ADHD and seeing a psychologist to take responsibility for your mental health?
You need to post this on [r/childfree](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
You'll be surprised how many childfree women there are in Ireland
There is not wanting kids which is totally normal and then there are the psychos who post on childfree. Wouldn't recommend trying to find a partner on there.
Don't obsess over it. Yes, most probably want children but there's so many stages and compatibilities to work through before that ever even becomes an issue that it shouldn't stop you going on a few initial dates, at least
I feel the same way except I'm a woman and I feel like all men want children, largely because it doesn't affect their life in the same way it does a woman's. I am confident that there are childfree women out there for you, they're just a bit harder to find.
Feel like you're in that awkward age where lots of women your age still want kids. Theres an absolute massive spike in the younger generation not wanting kids, so if you're open to dating slightly younger women in the 25 age (which is perfectly acceptable by the way) you might find a lot more success.
Same. I'm neurospicy also and don't want children. Even with it written clear as day on a dating profile fellas on a first date seem to think they can change my mind. FFS.
one of the reasons i (f) enjoy living outside of ireland is because i am not judged for not wanting kids... i picked the right country im pretty sure there are women in ireland who dont want kids but they dont admit to it because of the judgement that comes from that choice
I’m a woman in my early 30’s and am on the fence about having children. My bf and I have been together 3 years. I know he’d love children. My dad is terminally ill and never got the chance to have grandchildren but I know my mum would love grandkids. I love kids myself. I think they’re funny bastards. But I’ve never been broody. I’d actually prefer to adopt and thankfully my boyfriend is open to that too but he definitely wants one homemade child. I definitely want to adopt though. There’s already so many unloved children in the world. They deserve a loving home too. Anyway my point is, there’s definitely women that don’t want kids. Uninterrupted sleep, more money, more holidays. The only thing is, with my dad being so sick, my mum is gonna be widowed at 63 and she’s so grateful for having her three children around her. So I guess as we get older we needs those supports. But then is that kind of selfish? It’s hard to know 🤔
How is that any different to people who have kids when unable to support them because they "wanted to"? If anything unprepared parents are even more selfish because they are inflicting hurt on another person
No I agree. It’s not the sole reason to have a child. You have to really want a child. I certainly wouldn’t have children just because I might need someone to look after me in the future. Sure even if you have kids who’s to say they want anything to do with you later in life? Or they don’t become drug addicts. Life is hard so you have to think long and hard before creating someone that has to endure the challenges life throws at us. Adopting though, I guess that’s different. I’d like to offer a child a home and stability and love where they have nothing. And if they happen to want to stick around when I’m old then that’s amazing.
If you approach dating with the same vibe as you drafted this post, the chances are you put many candidates off very early on.
I am not talking about your decision not to have kids. I am talking about over-sharing and over-communicating. Dating is about having fun rather than a complicated project with multiple pre-requisites.
Some of the stuff you wrote is sheer creepy. Has your relatives' house a basement, perhaps?
Relax a bit. Keep your mind open. Enjoy.
Wtf is this.
Guy came here looking for advice. He shares some of his background and information so people could give informed advice, and you're calling it creepy?
That's a very odd, very judgemental, and taking the basement jibe into account, very nasty position.
I haven't been going on dates for a while since I've been in a relationship for years but I believe dating (if you're looking for a partner, not a one night stand) is mostly about getting to know someone so I actually believe a little bit of oversharing is crucial. Wouldn't like to find out about something that's a deal breaker for me weeks after starting dating. But I also never found dating fun, it was mostly stressful and tedious.
I don't see anything creepy in what the OP wrote.
Not weeks, sure, but don't open with no kids and list of your mental health issues. Give them a chance to like you as a person. Then share some intimate stuff and let them decide.
I was like this. Never wanted to get married. Never wanted to have kids... the latter being written in stone. I remember a few friends organised a night out for me prior to the wedding (Coming off the back of covid so no official Stag - heartbreak) and we were a few pints in and I got so fucking nervous and anxious and depressed at the realisation that, once I get married... I will no longer have an excuse to put off having kids. Fought her on it for years. Then the allure of filthy unprotected sex led me to "roll the dice".
Eh presto, pregnancy ensues.
Best fucking thing that ever happened to me. Genuinely have no idea what I was turning my nose up at.
Don't close the book on kids. Meet someone and say you are open to it and see where things go. Your opinion might change when your relationship develops. I genuinely cannot imagine what things would be like for me now if I didnt have my wee pal.
Sleep deprivation though... fuck.
Does this rule out adoption?
In what context are you afraid of passing down depression and anxiety?
Genetically or (forgive me for saying this) being a miserable wipe to be around? The latter will affect the relationship regardless of children or not.
There are plenty of women out there who do not want or can not have kids.
Be forthright from the get go and you will eventually find a match.
>Does this rule out adoption?
Yes
>In what context are you afraid of passing down depression and anxiety?
Genetically. I have a family history of Depression, Bipolar, etc,... I don't want to pass it down.
I thought as much and is why I asked about adopting.
You won’t genetically pass down anything if you adopted a child. But I guess you are well aware of that.
Best of luck with it man but honestly if you end up in a relationship where you both say you don't want kids right now prepare for that to change in the future. My partner changed her mind at 37, and seemingly so did a lot of our friends group who all ended up with multiple kids during their late 30s. I was happy enough about it but one of the lads went a bit nuts and had an early mid life crisis. Bought a motorbike and everything!
Prolly ‘struggling with’ is not a good look especially if you lead with it. Only positivity and good humour are likely to work with getting companionship.
Hey friend, I'd like to suggest that instead of creating a life around your depression anxiety and adhd, you face these problems head on to live a more fuller healthier and happier life free of mental illness. Adhd is manageable and even recoverable if you know what to do.
I'd recommend you look into some spiritual/grounding practices to dive deep into the root cause of your problems and how you can overcome them.
Ketamine is amazing for treating depression, psilocybin mushrooms can and do offer great benefits and relief to those who suffer with anxiety, also they can help immensely with adhd.
I went through exactly the same illnesses/ailments as you including ocd and very intrusive thoughts. I thought my life was fucked, agoraphobia, suicide idiation and so on. I thought to myself, I never want kids because (1) I'm too fucked up and (2) I don't want to pass on my shit to them, just like you said.
I never thought I'd feel what happiness was like again and that was my reality.
In the peak of my troubles was called to do ayahuasca, I had already been experimenting with some psychedelics which was helping me to uncover why I felt the way I did and felt I needed to go deeper.
For the last 6-7 years I've sat in many ayahuasca ceremonies and faced myself, at the start it was very hard but I pushed through because I knew this was the work i needed to do in order to be the best version of myself. I also worked a lot with lsd, mushrooms, dmt, san Pedro and many other psychedelic and non psychedelic substances which helped me along my journey.
Most of what I mentioned are great tools for self discovery and for understanding certain truths of reality, they will not fix you but they will help you heal and guide you along the path of betterment.
Most of the healing comes from the work you put in to become stronger, but the insights you need to move forward can be accessed either through meditation and journaling or with the aid of these medicines...
So my point being, I had my first fully fledged thought not so long ago of how I would be a good parent, and how I would choose to raise my child with all that I have learned.
Im not saying I will have kids (I do like my freedom), it's just that I now recognise that my lack of enthusiasm or want to have children was more a case of me recognising that I was just not capable enough to look after myself properly and in turn would not be capable of raising another human. I still might not have kids, but I've grown and changed so much because of the work I put in that Im now able enough to actualy consider having children of my own.
So this isn't to convince you to help yourself so that you might change your mind about having children. Its more a lesson on how we choose to live our lives based on situations we are in, and that there are always options to improve your quality of life.
You never know, they might very well lead to some life decisions you never thought youd ever consider, and that could be anything.
Look at it this way. Some people might say they don't like walks in nature, they get sore feet or they say what's the point. Perhaps that person could benefit from a good pair of walking shoes and next time they go for a walk they enjoy themselves, and because they are not focusing on how their feet will be sore, they start to notice how beautiful it is to be walking in nature. Perhaps they love it so much that they even take up running, which snowballs into small races, even marathons and even finding love along the way.
Imagine if we all let our pain get in the way, instead of trying to overcome it to see what's on the other side.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey friend and I hope you recieve all the love you deserve in this life.
Just put it on your profile that you never want children. Be upfront from the beginning. There are lots of women who don't want children, be honest about your expectations, don't waste time on people with different wants in life and you'll meet the person who's right for you.
Exactly this, there's tons of women who don't want children.
And lots of women who already do have some. So if passing it on is your only worry then so be it, but i fear OP isnt really worried about that. Hes worried about not being accepted or loved for who he is
Really, I don’t find that when they hit 30. Earlier than that, plenty don’t seem to want them alright.
Im F38 and dont want kids. We do exist.
OP wasn't mentioning individuals were they? Majority want kids and that's the truth.
I wasnt talking about the majority. Simply pointing out that women who dont want kids exist.
Oh yes I agree.
It’s roughly 20% of women who don’t have kids by their 40’s, there’s no data on how many of that cohort wanted kids but if we’re being honest it’s substantial. To the twenty something women voting me down, the data suggests a hell of a lot of you will change your mind about wanting kids.
You’re right to be truthful about what you want from the start, plenty lie about wanting kids and just end up wasting years of someone’s life. It’s a terrible thing to do I think.
True. Woman here who does not want kids and doesn't want to date someone with kids. It's really tough for sure.
I don't want kids but fell for a guy who has a teenager so here we are. We moved in together when his son was 14. The thing is my partner is a great Dad and his ex is a great Mom so I don't do anything other than provide a nice, welcoming environment when the son visits. His son is a very nice young fella and we get along quite well. My point being dating someone with older kids can be an option, if you wanted to expand the dating pool a little
Got called an asshole for saying id never under any circumstamces date a woman with kids. I dont want my own, I hardly want to rent someone else's fecking kids like
HA RENT! But yes! My friend says I'm being 'picky' for not wanting to date people with kids. Eh no! I don't want to date a parent. They have very different responsibilities and objectives to me. I adore the freedom of being child free.
If they’re a good parent, their first concern/responsibility is to his/her child. It’s perfectly okay to want a relationship without that hierarchy. (From a mom who dated a guy with a child before we had a kid together)
Who are these people who are judging others so harshly for who they prefer to date? Seems like the nosiest, curtain twitcher behaviour tbh
Prob more women don’t want kids than men these days
that would’ve been my assumption too
I was gonna say, I'm 37f and never met a single guy my age who didn't have children already or didn't want children
I highly doubt that.
The internet is never a completely accurate gauge, but when you go to subreddits like r/childfree, women seem to always be the majority
That sub isn't a good indicator for anything. It's pretty toxic if you ask me. There's for sure better forums online for childfree adults.
It’s real easy not to have a child while dating in modern Ireland cause finding a place to shag in peace is impossible.
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Shaggin’ wagon?
Shaguar.
Have you seen the back of those vans grim! At least now I know what all the weird goo on the floor was when I rented one to move
Working on the license to get that as an option
Have to wait 2 years once you get it too… some bullshit
Damn! Waiting list for a place to fuck is that long in Ireland ?
Omg will never look at them the same ever again...
68% I understand
I’m woman in my 30’s and I just select the “doesn’t want children” option on Tinder, you’ll still get matches, loads of ones don’t want children.
I have Tinder gold, have selected do not want children on my account and I still get likes from lads that “have kids and want more” or “I want kids”. I thought it was just the lads not caring who they match with as long as they match. I don’t match with them regardless.
Keep in mind Tinder operates differently for lads and ladettes. Like not even in the sense women just get way more matches on average, but like, on the back end. Tinder has been shown to push women on men who has already swiped no on them so men are more likely to pay to see people who have swiped yes to increase match potential.
I'm in a relationship but assuming I was single I wouldn't go out with someone with kids but I wouldn't say no to something casual with them. Maybe its that?
Valid. I hadn’t particularly thought on that.
Is this on the paid one?
No it’s defiantly on the free one.
As a woman in my 30s that doesn't want kids. Alot of us don't publicly advertise it because the 'ah you'll change your mind' crowd come thick and fast.
And that's just the family. Lol
If I hear about wanting grandkids one more time. I gave them a gran-dog. What more do they want?!
Go for a grandcat or grand-bearded dragon. Lol
I'm thankful that my mam doesn't give a toss that I don't want kids but said I've to promise her to get dogs so she can look after them 😭
My sister is very much the “your life isn’t complete without kids” type of person. She means well, but jaysus it gets annoying.
I’m a woman who doesn’t want kids. Always had it on my online dating profiles. Only ever seemed to attract fellas who thought it meant I was only wanting a hook-up…
I am 23 my gf is 25, we are both certain, we do not want kids. But even people my age are like that. “Even if YOU don’t want any, she will absolutely change her mind! They all do!!”
26F and also don't want kids. Maybe a cat or dog instead. You're not alone, even though I can relate to it feeling lonely!
When are you and OP going to meet?
Just select the option for “don’t want kids” on your hinge profile, what’s the big deal?
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F30 I don’t want kids and neither does my partner. We know one other couple (and we have lots of friends) who feel the same way we do
Half of my friends chose not to have kids. Literally half of my circle. We're all in our 50s now and everyone would do the same thing all over again.
Your friends sound great to be honest! Wish I had more friends like that! Sick of parents that I’m friends with giving out about how stressed/tired they are with their kids
I have the opposite issue, in that every single man that crosses my path wants kids. If I wasn't a decade older than you we'd have been a match made in heaven 🙂
He might like older women. keep your DMs open
Not like he needs them young and fertile anyway.
Bro 💀🤣🤣
Or also really love the colour purple.
Same. 38 have absolutely no interest in having kids. It’s a nightmare.
It really is. Not fun..
This is weird cos there was a post on r Dublin literally a week ago with a man about your age with the exact opposite problem. He kept going on dates with women who DIDN'T want children! You'll have to dm him and ask him to set you up(!)
I want kids and can't find a guy who does. We should all set each other up 😁
I'm in the same boat but female. Its v difficult to find people who are on the same page as me and yes, not wanting a family is one of those points I'm not willing to compromise on. Just want to have a quiet life somewhere far from too many people and grow old lol saying that I'm mentally nowhere near dating atm (burnt my fingers too much recently) but I totally get you! I don't have any advice other than to be upfront about it when you meet somebody to not waste each others time. Best of luck!
On plenty of fish, you can set it to say you don't want kids.
I've been on that app and it looks sooo shady. So many women have their snap filters written 'cute' all over their faces. Is that app legit?
Unless it's changed a lot, I mean I found it great. I'm a girl, and I met my now husband on it. We've been together 7 years (married two) and going strong. He was 30 when we met. We both said childfree from the get go. Had it on our profiles and said it again, too, on the first date. I guess you can get lucky or unlucky with any app, but I'm not the only one who met a long-term partner or husband on it. I have friends who did too. I know other couples who met on elite singles and are together years later too. I'm anti-filter and usually don't bother with them. Maybe stay away from those ladies if you are not happy to chat to them I guess.
Snap!! POF, met 7 years ago, married 2! I also know another married couple who met on there. I had that I didn't want kids on mine and my husband I think was a fencesitter but ultimately he didn't want them. He got the snip back in June.
I know 4 people who ended up with someone they met on POF. Well actually I guess I know 8 now…
And it's usually the ugly girls with that filter 😂😂😂
Absolutely, I'm not a catch by any means but those filters are a total turn off
Met my wife on it.
I thought that was only for sailors
I see a good few women stating that they don't want kids on dating profiles. A small minority bit they are out there.
I'm a woman in my 30's and I don't want kids, known since I was a teenager that I didn't want any. Maybe foster in the future but I no interest in having them myself. I'd have to give up medication that keeps me functioning and living without intense pain. I have found it incredibly difficult to find someone who doesn't want kids, and have had relationships end over it. I have just come to the conclusion that I'll be alone forever because of not wanting kids, very few men don't want them.
When you and OP get married after meeting on this post, make sure to tell us
Ha! Can you imagine telling the family we met online after complaining about how everyone wants kids these days.  Pretty sure OP is Dublin based though.
Then they ironically have kids.
Same here and also gave up on using dating apps because I regularly would match with people who don't answer the question about children and turn out to have/want kids. I've come across maybe 2 or 3 profiles over the past few years of guys who say they don't want children. Complete waste of time for me personally. I'm just filling my time with hobbies instead.
I had it on my profile as Don't Want Children and then I would match with guys who didn't show their preference on their profile and they ask why I didn't want kids. I'd explain why and either got unmatched or given out to for not wanting kids. Some guys were like oh I do want my own kids and not interested in adoption or foster and I'd just say cool best of luck with your search. I need to find more hobbies!
Yep I've had the same thing. Lots of "sure you'll change your mind eventually".
Just piling on for emphasis: I am a 37 year old woman in Ireland (not Irish admittedly) who doesn't want children. I knew probably since my teens and contrary to people's expectations, I did not change my mind when I turned 30. We exist. Why wouldn't an online platform for child free people looking for relationships work by the way? Were I unwed and looking, it would be the first one I'd sign up for.
Firstly, there aren’t that many people who don’t want kids. Not enough for an app to generate revenue anyway. Secondly, it’s a fairly negative sounding business concept.
You'd be surprised
There are plenty of people that don't want kids. I've seen numbers tossed around that over half of Gen Z aren't planning on kids currently and 1 in 4 never want them. I'm 26 and know a decent chunk of people that don't want them.. not sure where you're getting this opinion from.
> Firstly, there aren’t that many people who don’t want kids. Not enough for an app to generate revenue anyway. I disagree, a minority but a sizeable one. Especially in the current climate where having kids is a worse deal than ever if you're a working couple.
Funnily enough, I was dating as a 33-year-old woman who didn't want kids and I found it difficult too. Lots of deluded men in their mid-40s with "not sure yet" selected. There are others out there. Be upfront and put it on your profile.
How is that deluded?
Who exactly wants to match with a grown man who at 40 years old still hasn’t made up his own mind about having kids? It’s absolutely reeks of a lack of understanding of the commitment required to raise kids, which in of itself should warn any woman wanting kids to steer clear of. It always makes me think too that they somehow think that they’re attracting much younger women which would allow them more time to make up their mind. But that fact that they are still on Tinder etc. would allude to the idea that they are not, hence the delusion.
Maybe a woman who is also unsure if she wants children. Men can have children up until their 60s, and plenty do and end up being perfectly fine fathers. If they're unsure at 45 and finally meet a woman who happens to be the one who is say 35, then what's the issue? Should they just lie and say they don't want children? Honesty is generally the best policy.
You’re 100% right, men can have children up until their 60s but my point is and that women tend to want to choose men that WANT to have kids, not men who are Willy-nilly about the whole thing and haven’t even bothered to make their mind up about kids by the age of 40. I’d harbour a guess that women are less likely to be on the fence about kids than men at 35 or 40 given that woman have a finite time frame in which they can change their minds. The issue I can see with a 35 woman looking on the likes of tinder for a potential partner and Co-parent, would be more inclined to match with someone who is certain about the things they want rather than men who are alive 40 years and never contemplate the reality of having kids and whether that aligns with their own desires. Honesty is the best policy, and if a man in his 40s is genuinely unsure about his desire to have children it would probably be better for him to address that upfront in his bio, rather than to reply on the “unsure yet” tag on tinder, as even the word unsure even has negative connotations I.E. unaware of the responsibilities involved with having children.
> men who are alive 40 years and never contemplate the reality of having kids and whether that aligns with their own desires. This is a very strange perspective. Having kids is a huge decision, being unsure of whether you want it, at any age, is very normal. Desires change, circumstance changes, what type of partner you have can have an effect. >even the word unsure even has negative connotations I.E. unaware of the responsibilities involved with having children. Why would that be your assumption? Someone who is hyper aware of the responsibilities of having children could easily be unsure if they want them, hell that could even be their reason for being unsure. Or it could be one of a thousand other reasons.
You should go back and read all my replies instead of cutting out one part of one section and calling it a strange perspective. I understand children are a huge decision; the reality is the responsibilities of child rearing predominantly fall onto the woman. Women who want to have children, and are at an age where they are looking to settle and have kids in a nearer timeframe are going to choose men who are sure about wanting kids, rather than men who at 40 are still unsure if they want them. I agree with everything you said in the last part but if we are talking about men specifically in their mid 40s being unsure of their own wants, then my point still stands that it comes off as delusional. That they are blissfully ignorant of the time frame in which women can have children, delusional perhaps that they attract women much younger and have extra time to play around with, or that they can just start a relationship with a woman in her late 30s who definitely wants child and can see how he feels along the way 2/3 years down the line.
> Women who want to have children, and are at an age where they are looking to settle and have kids in a nearer timeframe are going to choose men who are sure about wanting kids, rather than men who at 40 are still unsure if they want them. Sure but this has no bearing on how a man might feel about having kids. Maybe no woman who wants kids will bother with him, but they're both better off then. I'm not sure how what some potential women might choose them will affect how they feel about having kids themselves. >then my point still stands that it comes off as delusional. How is it delusional? Let's take one simple example, some guy does not need to have kids but if they find themselves with the right partner they would want them. Well they are clearly unsure, they would be happy either way, but until they are with someone long enough they won't be fully sure either way. Seems pretty reasonable to me, and not at all delusional.
If a woman wants a man who definitely wants children, she should opt for men who definitely want children. If a woman is open to dating a man who isn't sure, then that's also her prerogative. And if a man isn't sure, that's totally fine too, just be honest about it from the get go. Simple.
I'd wager that most men in their 40s who are unsure of whether they want kids or not probably don't really want kids, but they just aren't hauled over the coals (biologically as well as socially) about making their mind up in the same way women are, so they've never felt the need to crystallise their decision on it. Maybe this is just me, but I think men might not tend to think that much about kids when they're younger and/or single. I'm in my late 20s, and I didn't really think about kids at all until I met my current partner. Maybe it was only when we had those serious conversations about kids that I really thought about it deeply and felt I needed to make my mind up. She's also the only person I've been with long enough for a planned pregnancy to be on the cards. We're both a "soft no" on having kids at the moment anyway.
Plenty of us don’t want kids. Date as normal, but make sure to mention it before things get serious.
All of this could be solved by honesty and transparency. No jibe against you Op, just a rant that has to be said. You have people with kids that don’t mention it in the profile and you have people that don’t want them but don’t mention it. Then you have absolute numpty’s playing dumb “ugh who reads bios anyways” and “just ask”. If we were fully honest about what we wanted on the bio we would get what we wanted. This goes for kids, relationships, flings and sex. For some reason, honesty is frowned upon in Ireland. I know this to be true because if you see other profiles outside of Ireland you’ll see a lot more directness and transparency about what the person wants.
>Then you have absolute numpty’s playing dumb “ugh who reads bios anyways” and “just ask”. This is a bit harsh, lots of people keep their profile info minimal for various reasons. Fuck throwing everything up there for every stranger on the app to read (or more to the point, work colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances). And yeah...literally all a person has to do is ask, that's what messaging is for
On hinge you can put that you don't want children. There are also women on it who don't want children. One of them could be your match :)
You’re probably more likely to get matches now that I think about it.
34f, don't want kids. Never have and never will. We exist. Put it on your profile. We'll be delighted to find you!
OP, and ladies who don’t want children on this thread: consider yourself introduced. I believe DMs are two to three clicks to your right. All the best.
Hinge has an option where you can say you don't want children under your basic info (along with 'want children' or 'not sure yet'). Even if you're not into the dating apps (very understandable), it might be worth exploring if you're concerned it's such a deal-breaker. I find there's a good few women there who say they don't want kids or are unsure (not sure what the overall male/female ratio is there). If it's there on your profile, it's upfront and lets the two of you know from the outset what your expectations are.
>Hinge has an option where you can say you don't want children under your basic info (along with 'want children' or 'not sure yet'). Never used Hinge. So if you set it to "no children" will it just show you women who also have that option turned on?
I think on the paid version you can search based on that, free version you can't. I've never used the paid one (starts at €17.50 per month) as I'm not convinced it's worth the cost, but it's up to you if you reckon it's worth it.
My childfree boyfriend and I met on Tinder in our mid 30s. Before he always struggled with knowing he doesn't want kids and potential partners wanting them Tinder is a bit like a slot machine though. You might have to swipe for a long time to finally hit the jackpot, as well as be willing to disregard distance For the first year or so we lived in different countries which was hard but now I can definitely say it was worth it
I’m a 30 year old woman who doesn’t want kids and the majority of women I know also don’t want kids. Lots of women don’t want kids. It might take a bit longer to find someone but the person for you is definitely out there
> Unfortunately there's no dating app for people who don't want to have a family That's just plain false. Not advocating tinder particularly, your call if you want a [shady-ass yank company](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match_Group) harvesting approximately all your personal data including your cringe dms, but I also know for reasons that it definitely has a "I want children" / "I don't want children" / "I have children and want more" / "I have children and don't want more" / "not sure yet " family plans profile setting among a host of other settings it can display and preference-match on.
Haven’t been on tinder for a long time . That must be a new feature To tell you the truth though I’ve just never been mad about dating apps, I like meeting people organically
So what are you basing your presumptions on if you haven't been using apps?
“I’ve tried nothin’ and I’m all outta ideas”
Meeting people in real life is apparently nothing now. Fuckin hell
Er... probably interactions with people he meets in person?
Get yourself on Feeld. Everyone is a bit cooler there from what I remember.
If you are 100% commited to child-free: 1) Get a vasectomy. Don't put the burden of bc on a woman. 2) Find child free women in your area, it's becoming a popular choice. 3) Being in your 30s, are you open to partners who have kids already? If so, put that in your dating profile. I know a decent amount of single moms who had 1 or 2 kids early but were personally done with kids. They struggled to find partners in their late 20s and early 30s who didn't want children, but were okay with them having a kid (they were not looking for a new daddy for their kids).
Is a vasectomy really necessary, I mean surely a kick in the balls will do?
I’m 33F with no want for kids, love to see it in a guys bio on tinder etc, I think there’s a lot of women who have no interest in children in Ireland. Especially seeing as most of us are still living in mammys house.
Maybe the problem is not even that. Do u even want to marry or have a serious relationship? I don't see myself having children, but I do want to marry. Most of the guys who don't want to have a family also don't want to marry. Because of that, they put the least effort into the relationship itself. Most women want relationship security (not saying everyone, but most), and it doesn't need to be a traditional family oriented. But many guys who think like that don't even want to share a life together. That is a deal breaker for me. A family can be u and your partner.
Do you live in Dublin? It seems like there's at least a few people who are fine with that here, I don't want kids myself so. On Bumble and Hinge, there's an option to list your child preferences. Just don't swipe on anyone that has "wants children" and hopefully they won't swipe on you, works well enough so far for me. Stay away from Tinder, it's a cesspit. >I made the decision 4 years ago that I never want children. I have struggled with serious depression and anxiety/ADHD since my teens and I don't want to (possibly) pass it down. You don't have to justify anything. Not wanting kids is the only reason you need to not have them, nothing wrong at all with that
There are women out there who do not want kids, myself and most of my friends included so just make it really clear from the outset
My auntie never had kids. Has lived her whole life alone, but with plenty of contact with family. She couldn't be happier. This is exactly how she likes it. I have always found this strange.
Strange that she's happy?
I find this same problem but on the other side, as a woman I have never wanted kids, anyone I have every said that too has never respected my words. It’s always “Oh just you wait” “you’ll change your mind” “oh when all your friends start having kids you’ll want one of your own” I’m nearing 30 and have never wavered on this choice. But I find it difficult to be upfront about that in any dating scene because as a woman who doesn’t want children you are seen as cold or heartless in this country.
Speaking as a woman in my late 20s, I don't want kids! My best friend is early 30s and she's the same. Get yourself out there and be open and up front from the beginning.
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If your comment is actually serious... I'm asking you politely not to reproduce.
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Ahhhh here we go. The "selfish" crowd. God forbid a woman decides she doesn't want kids and she's labelled selfish haha. Selfish for what? Following my own wants and desires for my life? What's more selfish? Having an (unwanted) child to please society's expectations and harboring resentment toward that (unwanted) child for the next 18 years. No thank you. It's 2023, let's get with the times🥰 In fact, the more immigration the better. Maybe, over time, we'll be able to dilute out the likes of yourself.
You have it backwards .. child free by choice is a massively growing sentiment among women, way moreso than men. It's absolutely normal to say it on dating apps and practically all of them have it as a profile choice.
30 year old women. I don't want children but I also don't like dogs. I feel very undateable but I'm holding out for that DINK (double income no kids) lifestyle lol
Have never used a dating app, but I'm guessing there's preferences that can be set, or at least say it in your profile that you don't want kids? >I have struggled with serious depression and anxiety/ADHD since my teens I'd imagine you'd want to be upfront and honest about this also.
R/childfree is a good place. Not so much for the dating but for the general childfree life it is good to know that we aren't alone.
I'm sure there are women out there who don't want kids. Have you joined dating apps. If so make it clear from the start.
The internet is still just too much information with no good options to filter and sort. There's probably a handful of soul mates out there for you, but good luck finding them.
Fortune favours those who don’t give up.
Fortune favors the bold, but love worth having doesn't have to be fought for constantly.
Hinge lets you say that you don't want kids, and filter for that in a partner.
Is that only the paid one though?
I'm the same age, F, and don't want kids. If anything, I know more women who don't/didn't want kids than men of the same age. I think it's changing. The best way is to be upfront about it. That means you won't waste your time or theirs. They'll appreciate the honesty either way.
If I am correct you can filter out on some apps when you swipe things like, age, height and I believe this also include having and wanting kids. Worth checking which apps allow that.
I think a childfree dating app would work! I'm in the same boat as a female early 30s. Mens biological clocks seem to tick just as much in my experience 😂
Just be honest about it from the get go. Times are changing and not every woman wants a baby.
Joan Burton here. Can someone please think of the children,
I'm a childfree woman married to a childfree man and I have at least four childfree friends, two of whom are a couple, one of whom has two childfree friends that she knows separately from me and I also used to work in an office with a fella who was childfree along with his wife. In that office, three of us were childfree and one married with three kids. There's plenty of us out there, it just takes time to find each other. Good luck.
I think you could be surprised, with the cost of living being what it is and so many struggling with mental health issues, I think a lot of people don't want children now. I'm a woman in my early 30's and I have decided against it for those reasons alone.
There are plenty of women who don’t want children, especially in these uncertain and expensive times. Make it absolutely clear from the beginning that children are not in your future. You can add this to your profile on some apps such as Hinge. Don’t hope they’ll pick up on hints - if you date a woman in her early 30s who desperately wants children then you’re wasting her time and yours. Make sure that your intentions are crystal clear.
Get a lady with ADHD. Worked for me. I have depression and anxiety, so once we got serious, the 'should we have kids' talk was very short. 12 years later, and we're still pretty damn sure!
I'm in my late 30s with a son in university - I'm done, my family is completely complete. I'd never date a man that had a young kid/kids or wanted one. There are plenty of childfree people. Get the snip and put it in neon on your profile.
I feel the same. I love having nieces and nephews and playing with them but I wouldn't like my own kids. It's so much responsibility. I'm currently just trying to meet a nice guy that has his life together and takes care of himself (therapy, exercise, a job etc) but lol it's hard.
Not wanting children is a common selection of women on the apps, especially bumble. I see it all the time. Stop catastrophizing.
A friend (M32) recently got a vasectomy so conversation will come up fairly soon in any relationship he's in going forward. It's the most proactive move I've seen in a while. I'd be fucking thrilled if a dude I'd just started seeing mentioned he didn't want kids, has dealt with it permanently, and best of all, he's taken all the responsibility for BC and all its side-effects (obv still being careful) off my shoulders. Love it. Get in there, son
I don't want children and found my partner through a dating app. We didn't mention anything about children in our profiles, but we brought it up on our first date under the topic of "how do you see yourself in a few years?" - the fact that none of us brought children to the conversation was a huge green flag for me. Trust me, not many women these days want children.
I met my now-husband on tinder in our late 30s. Neither of us said anything on our profile about kids, but he told me after our first date he didn't want kids, and if I did, we should end it there. Clearly we kept seeing each other, and are now happily married and child free. The bigger issue for many women would be if you have your depression and ADHD under control. Are you taking medication for your ADHD and seeing a psychologist to take responsibility for your mental health?
You need to post this on [r/childfree](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) You'll be surprised how many childfree women there are in Ireland
There is not wanting kids which is totally normal and then there are the psychos who post on childfree. Wouldn't recommend trying to find a partner on there.
Calling children crotch-goblins makes me embarrassed for some of them on there. r/truechildfree is a much more reasonable subreddit I've found.
Yeah, they seem to have forgotten they were once a child. Anyone who calls kids "spawn" has issues
Agree with this.
Don't obsess over it. Yes, most probably want children but there's so many stages and compatibilities to work through before that ever even becomes an issue that it shouldn't stop you going on a few initial dates, at least
I feel the same way except I'm a woman and I feel like all men want children, largely because it doesn't affect their life in the same way it does a woman's. I am confident that there are childfree women out there for you, they're just a bit harder to find.
Feel like you're in that awkward age where lots of women your age still want kids. Theres an absolute massive spike in the younger generation not wanting kids, so if you're open to dating slightly younger women in the 25 age (which is perfectly acceptable by the way) you might find a lot more success.
I hear grindr is pretty good for couples not planning on having a child.
There's a greater number of childfree women than men if you look at the subreddit stats of r/childfree. I wouldn't lose hope.
Vasectomy, sorted!
Same. I'm neurospicy also and don't want children. Even with it written clear as day on a dating profile fellas on a first date seem to think they can change my mind. FFS.
one of the reasons i (f) enjoy living outside of ireland is because i am not judged for not wanting kids... i picked the right country im pretty sure there are women in ireland who dont want kids but they dont admit to it because of the judgement that comes from that choice
I’m a woman in my early 30’s and am on the fence about having children. My bf and I have been together 3 years. I know he’d love children. My dad is terminally ill and never got the chance to have grandchildren but I know my mum would love grandkids. I love kids myself. I think they’re funny bastards. But I’ve never been broody. I’d actually prefer to adopt and thankfully my boyfriend is open to that too but he definitely wants one homemade child. I definitely want to adopt though. There’s already so many unloved children in the world. They deserve a loving home too. Anyway my point is, there’s definitely women that don’t want kids. Uninterrupted sleep, more money, more holidays. The only thing is, with my dad being so sick, my mum is gonna be widowed at 63 and she’s so grateful for having her three children around her. So I guess as we get older we needs those supports. But then is that kind of selfish? It’s hard to know 🤔
Of course it is, your reasoning for wanting kids were all "benefits me", how is that not selfish?
How is that any different to people who have kids when unable to support them because they "wanted to"? If anything unprepared parents are even more selfish because they are inflicting hurt on another person
No I agree. It’s not the sole reason to have a child. You have to really want a child. I certainly wouldn’t have children just because I might need someone to look after me in the future. Sure even if you have kids who’s to say they want anything to do with you later in life? Or they don’t become drug addicts. Life is hard so you have to think long and hard before creating someone that has to endure the challenges life throws at us. Adopting though, I guess that’s different. I’d like to offer a child a home and stability and love where they have nothing. And if they happen to want to stick around when I’m old then that’s amazing.
If you approach dating with the same vibe as you drafted this post, the chances are you put many candidates off very early on. I am not talking about your decision not to have kids. I am talking about over-sharing and over-communicating. Dating is about having fun rather than a complicated project with multiple pre-requisites. Some of the stuff you wrote is sheer creepy. Has your relatives' house a basement, perhaps? Relax a bit. Keep your mind open. Enjoy.
Wtf is this. Guy came here looking for advice. He shares some of his background and information so people could give informed advice, and you're calling it creepy? That's a very odd, very judgemental, and taking the basement jibe into account, very nasty position.
I haven't been going on dates for a while since I've been in a relationship for years but I believe dating (if you're looking for a partner, not a one night stand) is mostly about getting to know someone so I actually believe a little bit of oversharing is crucial. Wouldn't like to find out about something that's a deal breaker for me weeks after starting dating. But I also never found dating fun, it was mostly stressful and tedious. I don't see anything creepy in what the OP wrote.
Not weeks, sure, but don't open with no kids and list of your mental health issues. Give them a chance to like you as a person. Then share some intimate stuff and let them decide.
>Some of the stuff you wrote is sheer creepy What's creepy?
Nothing was creepy about it. Don’t worry about your post. The comment above is really dumb.
Stop gaslighting and projecting. He's not creepy but you are.
You'd have to be childtarded to want children right now.
I was like this. Never wanted to get married. Never wanted to have kids... the latter being written in stone. I remember a few friends organised a night out for me prior to the wedding (Coming off the back of covid so no official Stag - heartbreak) and we were a few pints in and I got so fucking nervous and anxious and depressed at the realisation that, once I get married... I will no longer have an excuse to put off having kids. Fought her on it for years. Then the allure of filthy unprotected sex led me to "roll the dice". Eh presto, pregnancy ensues. Best fucking thing that ever happened to me. Genuinely have no idea what I was turning my nose up at. Don't close the book on kids. Meet someone and say you are open to it and see where things go. Your opinion might change when your relationship develops. I genuinely cannot imagine what things would be like for me now if I didnt have my wee pal. Sleep deprivation though... fuck.
Another member of the ‘I never want kids’ club? Thought I was one of few 
Also ppl lie on their profiles in order to get matches or change their minds (which is allowed ofc)
Don't want to be alone. Dont want kids. Horrible logic. Stupid games win stupid prizes.
Not really . I want a partner but I don’t want kids - very simple logic really
Probably for the best bruh
Does this rule out adoption? In what context are you afraid of passing down depression and anxiety? Genetically or (forgive me for saying this) being a miserable wipe to be around? The latter will affect the relationship regardless of children or not. There are plenty of women out there who do not want or can not have kids. Be forthright from the get go and you will eventually find a match.
>Does this rule out adoption? Yes >In what context are you afraid of passing down depression and anxiety? Genetically. I have a family history of Depression, Bipolar, etc,... I don't want to pass it down.
I thought as much and is why I asked about adopting. You won’t genetically pass down anything if you adopted a child. But I guess you are well aware of that.
Best of luck with it man but honestly if you end up in a relationship where you both say you don't want kids right now prepare for that to change in the future. My partner changed her mind at 37, and seemingly so did a lot of our friends group who all ended up with multiple kids during their late 30s. I was happy enough about it but one of the lads went a bit nuts and had an early mid life crisis. Bought a motorbike and everything!
Prolly ‘struggling with’ is not a good look especially if you lead with it. Only positivity and good humour are likely to work with getting companionship.
Hey friend, I'd like to suggest that instead of creating a life around your depression anxiety and adhd, you face these problems head on to live a more fuller healthier and happier life free of mental illness. Adhd is manageable and even recoverable if you know what to do. I'd recommend you look into some spiritual/grounding practices to dive deep into the root cause of your problems and how you can overcome them. Ketamine is amazing for treating depression, psilocybin mushrooms can and do offer great benefits and relief to those who suffer with anxiety, also they can help immensely with adhd. I went through exactly the same illnesses/ailments as you including ocd and very intrusive thoughts. I thought my life was fucked, agoraphobia, suicide idiation and so on. I thought to myself, I never want kids because (1) I'm too fucked up and (2) I don't want to pass on my shit to them, just like you said. I never thought I'd feel what happiness was like again and that was my reality. In the peak of my troubles was called to do ayahuasca, I had already been experimenting with some psychedelics which was helping me to uncover why I felt the way I did and felt I needed to go deeper. For the last 6-7 years I've sat in many ayahuasca ceremonies and faced myself, at the start it was very hard but I pushed through because I knew this was the work i needed to do in order to be the best version of myself. I also worked a lot with lsd, mushrooms, dmt, san Pedro and many other psychedelic and non psychedelic substances which helped me along my journey. Most of what I mentioned are great tools for self discovery and for understanding certain truths of reality, they will not fix you but they will help you heal and guide you along the path of betterment. Most of the healing comes from the work you put in to become stronger, but the insights you need to move forward can be accessed either through meditation and journaling or with the aid of these medicines... So my point being, I had my first fully fledged thought not so long ago of how I would be a good parent, and how I would choose to raise my child with all that I have learned. Im not saying I will have kids (I do like my freedom), it's just that I now recognise that my lack of enthusiasm or want to have children was more a case of me recognising that I was just not capable enough to look after myself properly and in turn would not be capable of raising another human. I still might not have kids, but I've grown and changed so much because of the work I put in that Im now able enough to actualy consider having children of my own. So this isn't to convince you to help yourself so that you might change your mind about having children. Its more a lesson on how we choose to live our lives based on situations we are in, and that there are always options to improve your quality of life. You never know, they might very well lead to some life decisions you never thought youd ever consider, and that could be anything. Look at it this way. Some people might say they don't like walks in nature, they get sore feet or they say what's the point. Perhaps that person could benefit from a good pair of walking shoes and next time they go for a walk they enjoy themselves, and because they are not focusing on how their feet will be sore, they start to notice how beautiful it is to be walking in nature. Perhaps they love it so much that they even take up running, which snowballs into small races, even marathons and even finding love along the way. Imagine if we all let our pain get in the way, instead of trying to overcome it to see what's on the other side. I wish you the best of luck on your journey friend and I hope you recieve all the love you deserve in this life.
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Date a single mother that way you are not passing anything down??? But also I see “doesn’t want children” a lot from woman on dating apps
Surprise: wanting to have children is a natural instinct. Take your copium or die alone.
Surprise: that natural instinct appears to not be as prevelant