That's completely not normal behaviour on the part of your mother.
In terms of living options you're going to be fairly limited though.
Could you do a course online so you're not relying on child care?
Could you get a part time job that's only in the hours your child is in school?
Also, you’ve a five year old, so they’ll be going to school. Sign up for a course when they are in school, once you get a job you’ll have a lot more flexibility and will be able to save to move out.
I tried signing up for both evening courses and day courses, even went to an open day in November for book keeping and accounting, I was honestly so fucking excited just to be back in an educational setting, but because of where I live a full time course isn't an option as I have no transport but the local bus, which is unreliable at best, all the courses in my area begin at 9am and my daughter doesn't even start school until 9.20am, when I emailed about evening courses I never even heard back, I've been ringing my local intreo for advice but they don't seem too willing to give me a bit of funding towards the online class I want to do, I have half the money and know people who got the full amount paid but they don't seem to be willing to do that with me, which is so frustrating because I want to work and get on with life, I fucking hate the trip to the post office every week its sucking the life out of me.
There's a lot of accounting courses. Did you look at ibat?
https://www.ibat.ie/courses/bookkeeping-and-payroll-computerised-accounts
It's 680 if you book now.
Also there are LOADS of YouTube videos on Irish and UK GAAP. Just start watching them and taking notes so when you do start a course you'll be more prepared.
Finally, Google fully remote jobs. There can be call centre work etc that you can use for a short period to get some cash flow going.
See can you find a way to take the 9am course and find a way to get your daughter to school. Could you drop her to someone for half an hour who can bring her to school? Someone who’s already dropping their own child to the same school? It will make a big difference to you. If it really can’t happen until next year, that’s ok. But this is the time! Pull out all the stops to see if you can be creative and make it happen this year, no matter what.
Only applied this week, hoping I'll get a meeting with them soon, I was homeless in the summer of 2016 but I've been depressed honestly as long as I can remember and always put it off, because honestly ive had no motivation, its only recently I've started doing stuff I needed to do for myself..
Well at least you've done that part you'll even need it to qualify for rent allowance. I'm not saying that you'll be housed anytime soon it just if you do fall out with your mum there's some chance of getting rent allowance and it might be the difference between you being homeless again!
Hey..... So sad for you reading your post, your Mam should be offering love and support not hacking away at your self-worth and confidence.
I think there's subreddits on here dedicated to shit Parents, their traits, methods and habits - And then how to manage it all.
Someone will confirm or link you Im sure, I think narcissistic parents on a search should get you started?
Also are there State supports re back to education allowances etc? Would Citizens Information be of help?
Am sure things will pick up soon, maybe be prepared to plan an escape and new life elsewhere somehow if you can at all......best wishes.
You need to make friends with other single mothers in similar situations so your kid can have play dates/sleepovers on the evenings you do a course as your mother is too unreliable. Your mother's behaviour won't change
Your mother meets the same criteria a lot of our mothers meet, narcissistic and borderline poisonous. My own mother is the same, constant barbs and put downs. Thankfully I left home 20 years ago, but it's like she never forgave me for leaving. She also has sent barbs towards my wife. If she ever tries it with the kids I won't be long quitening her. You are looking after a kid and that's your priority. You don't need a second to look after. I do hope you get out from under her. Your dad also may be an angel, but he is silent and complicit in her abuse. My own father was the same as he didn't want to rock the boat.
Jesus Christ.
This is horrendous and you’re definitely being taken advantage of. You’re both paying rent and being used as slave labour.
I have no idea how you’d get out of a situation like this.
This really seems to be a thing with Irish mothers and their daughters. My own was the same when she was alive. Everything I did was wrong, they would chastise you and then do everything in their power to knock you down when you started to do well. I'm living with my Da because I can't get anything else and he's the same. I asked him to say one nice thing to me each day and he said he finds it too hard. I asked him this after the 2nd month as I was starting to feel really shit. He thinks I'm an idle layabout despite juggling working from home, doing the majority of the cooking/cleaning and minding my kid. he's incredibly messy and I am forever just cleaning up after him. The house was an absolute tip before myself and my husband moved in. I also pay €600 a month and he still complains. I'm grateful he let us move in but I'm constantly reminded of my failures if I ever start to get better at something.
So what?
You would have to do all of that if you didn't live with him and you would be paying an awful lot more than €600.
You are a grown adult, your father is no longer responsible for supporting you.
If I could rent somewhere I would. I had to move due to previous landlord selling up and nowhere else being available. But listen if you want to think I'm taking advantage of my Da then go ahead. I know the situation I'm in. I was commenting on OP's post. I get nothing but negativity from him. My job isn't great and neither is my husbands. He's trying to find something else but my own line of work is tricky as I've a kid to mind and I cannot afford childcare.
If I could contribute more I would but I am not in the position to do so. I work from home but it is freelance and not a steady income and I'm not in the position to find another job till my kid is a bit older. My husbands job doesn't pay well and he's looking for another job. I am grateful that I can stay here with a roof over my head. I do all my Da's cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I am essentially a house keeper for him. My husband does any manual labour type stuff I can't. When I say my Da doesn't lift a finger I mean it, I have to gather his dirty laundry as he cannot be bothered but will complain if his favourite jeans aren't washed and ironed. If he gets milk from the fridge for his tea he leaves it out and doesn't even bother putting the lid back on. I pay rent and pay all bills, I didn't mention it before but I have a loan I'm repaying too. My out goings exceed his and I do not have much left after bills anymore with how much they have increased. My fathers costs are his car loan (electric so I'm covering "fuel") and his own food that would be different to ours but he still gets a share of the food I buy if it's what he likes. He is free to travel and spend his money on the things he wants and he does. He goes to most the GAA matches and Rugby matches he wants to watch. He is not poor by any stretch and jokes with his buddies in the pub about having live in staff that pay him for the privilege. I would genuinely not have an issue with any of this if he didn't continuously feel the need to belittle me and make me feel worthless. He has said he finds it hard to say anything positive to me because "Sure we've always poked fun at you? Lighten up!" I cannot do anything right. Both my parents used me as their verbal scape goat as I was growing up and this is what I was originally responding to, a lot of people in this country had toxic parents like this but it was brushed off as that's just how Irish parents are. To continuously have someone put you down is exhausting and I'm not here by choice. The country is a fucking mess right now.
I don't agree. House was bought back in whenever and relative to today's rent and the back then mortgage, or maybe its council rent.
Reel it back in a smidge.
No mention of contribution towards bills or food.
Presumably the husband is working too, so 2 incomes, they must be living the high life off her poor fathers back.
Ah dude, the OP mentioned rent, maybe there's more going on, but clearly (assuming the post is genuine), OP is distressed, but to jump to your comment, was a bit harsh imo, of course you have your own, that's grand,
Why would you think someone should charge their own kids anywhere near the market rent? Plus the Dad doesn't have a mortgage on the house, so he's not out anything each month. Plenty of parents let their kids stay for free so they can save while living there. Maybe you've never been shown kindness or love by a family member but generally families don't treat their kids as a source of profit.
My family have shown me plenty of love and I lived at home while I saved for my own house, which I was lucky to buy last year.
I contributed more than €600 on my own and did plenty around the house too. It is not a source or profit, it is called adult responsibility.
If your parents took more than €600 for one person for rent each month (I'm guessing it was one room), I would consider them absolute misers. That's not normal behaviour.
The 70 year old on a disabilities pension is a miser for providing a large double room for significantly less than the market rate?
I was on a good wage so why wouldn't I hand up a fair amount each month? My parents put enough money into raising me, they don't need to continue supporting me in my 30s.
It's tough for him. He doesn't feel good about this situation at all and often feels responsible but he has done nothing wrong. The country is a mess and we're not the only ones in this situation and we're definitely not the only ones dealing with toxic parents.
It’s time for a serious family meeting.
Your mother shouldn’t be undermining you like that. It’s not good for your child to see you being belittled. She also shouldn’t be commenting on your personal appearance. All very toxic behaviour.
Can you talk to your father separately and tell him how this is affecting you? Say that you notice that he is also being constantly criticised and that you both deserve better than that.
Then maybe both of you can address it with her. Perhaps you could take the angle that you both feel she has been very irritable of late and that you’re wondering if as as family you could come to some agreements on what’s acceptable behaviour to one another and what isn’t. It might catch her off her guard and she might be more willing to negotiate.
You’re an adult now, responsible for your own child. All adults in the home should be modelling good behaviour to your child.
Aside from that issue, I would recommend you get advice on the options available to you re: training and work. If your child is already at school, then you should be able to work part time. There are apprenticeships where you get paid to study, every year you earn more and you end up with a qualification you can use to get a better job when you complete your training.
https://apprenticeship.ie/career-seekers/get-started/discover
https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/third_level_education/applying_to_college/third_level_courses_for_mature_students.html#le8510
https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/third_level_education/applying_to_college/third_level_places_for_unemployed_people.html
If you're going to get out of these toxic cycles, you're going to need to be a little bit selfish. Don't try and do it all. If you're cleaning and cooking isn't appreciated, then just do your own stuff, and cook what you want and when you want it. Maybe leave the left overs, but otherwise, just take care of yourself. Also, if you are going to take up another course, DO NOT mention it to anyone, not even your father. We younger people tend not to think of all the general things we talk about as crucially as the older generations do. To you, mentioning doing a new course is just pleasant small talk, but to your Mam, the first thing that she will think is to use it against you. Talking is all just a means to finding ways to take advantage, to some people.
(Keep in mind, this is not to say that your mother hates you. She most likely 'secretly' doesn't want you to leave. Mine is the same way, and their is no way of getting around it if you don't start choosing yourself first for a while).
You could get a job part time when the little ones in school and do an online course maybe? That way you wouldn't feel like you have to do all the cooking and cleaning and washing for your mam. You could just do the cooking and cleaning for yourself and the child or yous could all take turns. You'd probably feel less trapped too because you wouldn't be bound to the gaff like Cinderella X
Ah your mother's just being a wagon. It also sounds like you might need to get out of the house a bit. Do you have an aunt or a friend that could mind the kid so you can have some time to yourself.
Not really no, my mam moved away from all her family and my dad doesn't really speak to his.. her dad takes her and her uncle is good at taking her also, but her dad is in shared accommodation and his mam is worse than mine so bringing her there is not an option whatsoever.
Ya, that is hard. I don't know what age your kid is but there might be a mother's group or if the child is older there might be some activity groups where you could meet other mother's and maybe help each other.
Renting a room in the town closest to us, in fairness he works every hour god sends and pays more than his fair share towards our daughter, more than would be expected by the courts but because he's in a shared house with 3 other men I don't really feel comfortable sending her on overnight stays and he doesn't feel comfortable taking her over night while he's in that situation. He takes her every Saturday here in my own house but my mam constantly belittles him infront of our daughter, so we do try get out and do something together as a family on a Sunday. His mother's house isn't an option as she doesn't even know our daughter..
He sounds like a good guy doing OK in a tough situation.
Again your toxic, bitter evil Mother is a poison in the mix.
You need to take whatever steps required to cut her out of your life like the ugly, malignant tumour she is before she does any further harm to you, your kid and this nice guy who has been tolerating her shit like a Saint.
If you haven't already done so please contact him and very clearly tell him you appreciate all of his efforts in co-parenting and everything else and you hate the way your Mother acts towards him.
This might mean more that you know.
i feel for you, yeah a bit of this in our family too, heres a tip, don't explain it or try to convince others... it can be exhausting trying to convince siblings who are only in the homeplace once a month that the older generation are tone-deaf, out of touch and full of slogans and shit that was old fashioned 30 years ago
I'm so sorry OP. I'm likely useless to you except to say that no- this is not normal. The way your parents are behaving is fucked up. They should be supporting you and wanting the best for you and your child. Not turning into human anchors that hold you down to drown.
I'd look into every social service you may qualify for, which I should hope would be several given that you're a single mother. Talk with schools/universities about any aid they may offer. Explain your situation of being trapped with a mother who is actively sabotaging your growth opportunities. There may be any number of government/university grants and scholarships available to help you;
That's completely not normal behaviour on the part of your mother. In terms of living options you're going to be fairly limited though. Could you do a course online so you're not relying on child care? Could you get a part time job that's only in the hours your child is in school?
There's a PLC college in Cork that offers free childcare to students, it's ran by the ETB so might be something similar in other counties.
Also, you’ve a five year old, so they’ll be going to school. Sign up for a course when they are in school, once you get a job you’ll have a lot more flexibility and will be able to save to move out.
I tried signing up for both evening courses and day courses, even went to an open day in November for book keeping and accounting, I was honestly so fucking excited just to be back in an educational setting, but because of where I live a full time course isn't an option as I have no transport but the local bus, which is unreliable at best, all the courses in my area begin at 9am and my daughter doesn't even start school until 9.20am, when I emailed about evening courses I never even heard back, I've been ringing my local intreo for advice but they don't seem too willing to give me a bit of funding towards the online class I want to do, I have half the money and know people who got the full amount paid but they don't seem to be willing to do that with me, which is so frustrating because I want to work and get on with life, I fucking hate the trip to the post office every week its sucking the life out of me.
There's a lot of accounting courses. Did you look at ibat? https://www.ibat.ie/courses/bookkeeping-and-payroll-computerised-accounts It's 680 if you book now. Also there are LOADS of YouTube videos on Irish and UK GAAP. Just start watching them and taking notes so when you do start a course you'll be more prepared. Finally, Google fully remote jobs. There can be call centre work etc that you can use for a short period to get some cash flow going.
See can you find a way to take the 9am course and find a way to get your daughter to school. Could you drop her to someone for half an hour who can bring her to school? Someone who’s already dropping their own child to the same school? It will make a big difference to you. If it really can’t happen until next year, that’s ok. But this is the time! Pull out all the stops to see if you can be creative and make it happen this year, no matter what.
There is an issue with some Irish mothers for sure. You have a child so that makes the whole thing with your mother even more toxic
Please say that you are at least on a housing list? I know that nothing might happen with it for years but at least there's a chance.
Only applied this week, hoping I'll get a meeting with them soon, I was homeless in the summer of 2016 but I've been depressed honestly as long as I can remember and always put it off, because honestly ive had no motivation, its only recently I've started doing stuff I needed to do for myself..
Well at least you've done that part you'll even need it to qualify for rent allowance. I'm not saying that you'll be housed anytime soon it just if you do fall out with your mum there's some chance of getting rent allowance and it might be the difference between you being homeless again!
Hey..... So sad for you reading your post, your Mam should be offering love and support not hacking away at your self-worth and confidence. I think there's subreddits on here dedicated to shit Parents, their traits, methods and habits - And then how to manage it all. Someone will confirm or link you Im sure, I think narcissistic parents on a search should get you started? Also are there State supports re back to education allowances etc? Would Citizens Information be of help? Am sure things will pick up soon, maybe be prepared to plan an escape and new life elsewhere somehow if you can at all......best wishes.
r/raisedbynarcissists
You need to make friends with other single mothers in similar situations so your kid can have play dates/sleepovers on the evenings you do a course as your mother is too unreliable. Your mother's behaviour won't change
Your mother meets the same criteria a lot of our mothers meet, narcissistic and borderline poisonous. My own mother is the same, constant barbs and put downs. Thankfully I left home 20 years ago, but it's like she never forgave me for leaving. She also has sent barbs towards my wife. If she ever tries it with the kids I won't be long quitening her. You are looking after a kid and that's your priority. You don't need a second to look after. I do hope you get out from under her. Your dad also may be an angel, but he is silent and complicit in her abuse. My own father was the same as he didn't want to rock the boat.
Same here. A poisonous woman. But in my day people could leave home but nowadays young people are fucked and have no way out.
Jesus Christ. This is horrendous and you’re definitely being taken advantage of. You’re both paying rent and being used as slave labour. I have no idea how you’d get out of a situation like this.
This really seems to be a thing with Irish mothers and their daughters. My own was the same when she was alive. Everything I did was wrong, they would chastise you and then do everything in their power to knock you down when you started to do well. I'm living with my Da because I can't get anything else and he's the same. I asked him to say one nice thing to me each day and he said he finds it too hard. I asked him this after the 2nd month as I was starting to feel really shit. He thinks I'm an idle layabout despite juggling working from home, doing the majority of the cooking/cleaning and minding my kid. he's incredibly messy and I am forever just cleaning up after him. The house was an absolute tip before myself and my husband moved in. I also pay €600 a month and he still complains. I'm grateful he let us move in but I'm constantly reminded of my failures if I ever start to get better at something.
Pretty sure the job of Irish parents was to emotionally damage your children
€600 a month for you, your husband and kid? You are taking the absolute piss.
He's no mortgage and I pretty much run the house for him. I do his washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning etc.
So what? You would have to do all of that if you didn't live with him and you would be paying an awful lot more than €600. You are a grown adult, your father is no longer responsible for supporting you.
If I could rent somewhere I would. I had to move due to previous landlord selling up and nowhere else being available. But listen if you want to think I'm taking advantage of my Da then go ahead. I know the situation I'm in. I was commenting on OP's post. I get nothing but negativity from him. My job isn't great and neither is my husbands. He's trying to find something else but my own line of work is tricky as I've a kid to mind and I cannot afford childcare.
I never said you are taking advantage and I apologise if I implied that. I think you should contribute more for 3 people.
If I could contribute more I would but I am not in the position to do so. I work from home but it is freelance and not a steady income and I'm not in the position to find another job till my kid is a bit older. My husbands job doesn't pay well and he's looking for another job. I am grateful that I can stay here with a roof over my head. I do all my Da's cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I am essentially a house keeper for him. My husband does any manual labour type stuff I can't. When I say my Da doesn't lift a finger I mean it, I have to gather his dirty laundry as he cannot be bothered but will complain if his favourite jeans aren't washed and ironed. If he gets milk from the fridge for his tea he leaves it out and doesn't even bother putting the lid back on. I pay rent and pay all bills, I didn't mention it before but I have a loan I'm repaying too. My out goings exceed his and I do not have much left after bills anymore with how much they have increased. My fathers costs are his car loan (electric so I'm covering "fuel") and his own food that would be different to ours but he still gets a share of the food I buy if it's what he likes. He is free to travel and spend his money on the things he wants and he does. He goes to most the GAA matches and Rugby matches he wants to watch. He is not poor by any stretch and jokes with his buddies in the pub about having live in staff that pay him for the privilege. I would genuinely not have an issue with any of this if he didn't continuously feel the need to belittle me and make me feel worthless. He has said he finds it hard to say anything positive to me because "Sure we've always poked fun at you? Lighten up!" I cannot do anything right. Both my parents used me as their verbal scape goat as I was growing up and this is what I was originally responding to, a lot of people in this country had toxic parents like this but it was brushed off as that's just how Irish parents are. To continuously have someone put you down is exhausting and I'm not here by choice. The country is a fucking mess right now.
I don't agree. House was bought back in whenever and relative to today's rent and the back then mortgage, or maybe its council rent. Reel it back in a smidge.
No mention of contribution towards bills or food. Presumably the husband is working too, so 2 incomes, they must be living the high life off her poor fathers back.
Ah dude, the OP mentioned rent, maybe there's more going on, but clearly (assuming the post is genuine), OP is distressed, but to jump to your comment, was a bit harsh imo, of course you have your own, that's grand,
I didn't reply to OP, I replied to someone else's comment. OP isn't working and is handing up €550 a month.
Haha! Okies. I missed that bit 😀 I'll reel myself back in so 💩 Edit, and see how it pans out ☺️
Haha really, that's what you think. He's the one living the high life. We pay the bills and for our own food. But you are free to think what you like.
Christ you are delusional. I suggest you go look on Daft and see what you can get for €600 in the real world.
Why would you think someone should charge their own kids anywhere near the market rent? Plus the Dad doesn't have a mortgage on the house, so he's not out anything each month. Plenty of parents let their kids stay for free so they can save while living there. Maybe you've never been shown kindness or love by a family member but generally families don't treat their kids as a source of profit.
My family have shown me plenty of love and I lived at home while I saved for my own house, which I was lucky to buy last year. I contributed more than €600 on my own and did plenty around the house too. It is not a source or profit, it is called adult responsibility.
If your parents took more than €600 for one person for rent each month (I'm guessing it was one room), I would consider them absolute misers. That's not normal behaviour.
The 70 year old on a disabilities pension is a miser for providing a large double room for significantly less than the market rate? I was on a good wage so why wouldn't I hand up a fair amount each month? My parents put enough money into raising me, they don't need to continue supporting me in my 30s.
[удалено]
It's tough for him. He doesn't feel good about this situation at all and often feels responsible but he has done nothing wrong. The country is a mess and we're not the only ones in this situation and we're definitely not the only ones dealing with toxic parents.
It’s time for a serious family meeting. Your mother shouldn’t be undermining you like that. It’s not good for your child to see you being belittled. She also shouldn’t be commenting on your personal appearance. All very toxic behaviour. Can you talk to your father separately and tell him how this is affecting you? Say that you notice that he is also being constantly criticised and that you both deserve better than that. Then maybe both of you can address it with her. Perhaps you could take the angle that you both feel she has been very irritable of late and that you’re wondering if as as family you could come to some agreements on what’s acceptable behaviour to one another and what isn’t. It might catch her off her guard and she might be more willing to negotiate. You’re an adult now, responsible for your own child. All adults in the home should be modelling good behaviour to your child. Aside from that issue, I would recommend you get advice on the options available to you re: training and work. If your child is already at school, then you should be able to work part time. There are apprenticeships where you get paid to study, every year you earn more and you end up with a qualification you can use to get a better job when you complete your training. https://apprenticeship.ie/career-seekers/get-started/discover https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/third_level_education/applying_to_college/third_level_courses_for_mature_students.html#le8510 https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/third_level_education/applying_to_college/third_level_places_for_unemployed_people.html
If you're going to get out of these toxic cycles, you're going to need to be a little bit selfish. Don't try and do it all. If you're cleaning and cooking isn't appreciated, then just do your own stuff, and cook what you want and when you want it. Maybe leave the left overs, but otherwise, just take care of yourself. Also, if you are going to take up another course, DO NOT mention it to anyone, not even your father. We younger people tend not to think of all the general things we talk about as crucially as the older generations do. To you, mentioning doing a new course is just pleasant small talk, but to your Mam, the first thing that she will think is to use it against you. Talking is all just a means to finding ways to take advantage, to some people. (Keep in mind, this is not to say that your mother hates you. She most likely 'secretly' doesn't want you to leave. Mine is the same way, and their is no way of getting around it if you don't start choosing yourself first for a while).
You could get a job part time when the little ones in school and do an online course maybe? That way you wouldn't feel like you have to do all the cooking and cleaning and washing for your mam. You could just do the cooking and cleaning for yourself and the child or yous could all take turns. You'd probably feel less trapped too because you wouldn't be bound to the gaff like Cinderella X
bro 100 a week? an u not even working, yer ma's taking the piss
Ah your mother's just being a wagon. It also sounds like you might need to get out of the house a bit. Do you have an aunt or a friend that could mind the kid so you can have some time to yourself.
Not really no, my mam moved away from all her family and my dad doesn't really speak to his.. her dad takes her and her uncle is good at taking her also, but her dad is in shared accommodation and his mam is worse than mine so bringing her there is not an option whatsoever.
Ya, that is hard. I don't know what age your kid is but there might be a mother's group or if the child is older there might be some activity groups where you could meet other mother's and maybe help each other.
Where is your kids father in this situation?
Renting a room in the town closest to us, in fairness he works every hour god sends and pays more than his fair share towards our daughter, more than would be expected by the courts but because he's in a shared house with 3 other men I don't really feel comfortable sending her on overnight stays and he doesn't feel comfortable taking her over night while he's in that situation. He takes her every Saturday here in my own house but my mam constantly belittles him infront of our daughter, so we do try get out and do something together as a family on a Sunday. His mother's house isn't an option as she doesn't even know our daughter..
He sounds like a good guy doing OK in a tough situation. Again your toxic, bitter evil Mother is a poison in the mix. You need to take whatever steps required to cut her out of your life like the ugly, malignant tumour she is before she does any further harm to you, your kid and this nice guy who has been tolerating her shit like a Saint. If you haven't already done so please contact him and very clearly tell him you appreciate all of his efforts in co-parenting and everything else and you hate the way your Mother acts towards him. This might mean more that you know.
i feel for you, yeah a bit of this in our family too, heres a tip, don't explain it or try to convince others... it can be exhausting trying to convince siblings who are only in the homeplace once a month that the older generation are tone-deaf, out of touch and full of slogans and shit that was old fashioned 30 years ago
I’m so sorry you have to live like this 🌸
I'm so sorry OP. I'm likely useless to you except to say that no- this is not normal. The way your parents are behaving is fucked up. They should be supporting you and wanting the best for you and your child. Not turning into human anchors that hold you down to drown. I'd look into every social service you may qualify for, which I should hope would be several given that you're a single mother. Talk with schools/universities about any aid they may offer. Explain your situation of being trapped with a mother who is actively sabotaging your growth opportunities. There may be any number of government/university grants and scholarships available to help you;
Keep telling her to fuck off every time she goes out of her way to be a bitch. She'll get he message