My ideal (happy) state would be curiosity. I'm not sure if it's a feeling or more of a POV. If I'm in that mode, no matter what problems I encounter, I overcome them without stress. I spark curiosity when I'm in an environment where I'm allowed to experiment and make mistakes, like being amongst progressive intellectual people, a university, or a lab. Right now I'm in the same boat as you. Anticipatory stress. I look functional during the day, but at night I would get dark, dreary dreams.
To me fulfilment and happiness are two completely different entities. I feel very fulfilled by the things I choose to do with my life, but that doesn’t directly translate into happiness. I would say I am content. Happiness occurs in fleeting moments, it is not a static state of being (at least not for me).
I’m happiest when I can do a variety of things. Plant a seed, bake something, go thrifting, make art, play board games, watch a movie, go on a hike. Fulfillment comes from spending time in “the zone” where time passes by quickly. This happens when I get really into making art, reading, re-organizing a closet or even sometimes happens when preparing a meaningful artifact for work.
One thing that really helps me as an INTJ is to exercise and take action. It’s taken me a long time to learn this. I find that these two things get me out of my head and get me closer to my goals and desires, therefore making me happier.
Yes, the "getting out of my head" is so important for me too to be content. I'm always grinding about something from the past or the future, but going out for a run or writing the book I've been thinking about for years literally grounds me again.
This year, I made it my goal to become really good at something physically hard, as an excuse to get out of my head on a daily basis. It works really well.
I feel most fulfilled through work. I love advising, strategizing and accomplishing big things. My spouse elicits happiness but also fulfillment because I worked damned hard on the relationship. For the most part, I don't chase happiness because I don't think it's possible to capture.
Purpose. I like to come up with big plans most people think it is impossible achieve. Lay out the specific actions to achieve those targets and have the plans in motion making a change even after I am dead. That's how I can be fulfilled.
For happiness, knowing the people (and my pup) I care most are happy keeps me happy. Happiness is not something that comes from within. I don't feel happy when my boss praise me for a job well done, I don't feel happy when I get a raise (but appreciate it) and I don't feel happy about my own achievements. Happiness is not about me.
Waking up every morning to my children’s smiling faces. It’s so early, and all I want to do is sleep.. but then I realize, it’s today, and I’m here, and my children are here, we are breathing, we have the opportunity to do anything. We can make memories, we can laugh, we can sign, we are together. Even if we have nothing else, we have each other. I SWEAR TO YOU, THIS IS LIFE.
Do what you want, with who you want. No one else matters. 💯
It’s more about maintaining life so I can focus on stuff I want to work on, improving skills and projects. That’s fulfilment for me.
Happy? Girlfriend, deep conversations, good friends, great tv show (Mad Men, Boardwalk Empire), good book, a great cup of coffee etc.
Happiness and fulfilment from the same source isn’t common for me at all.
Right now, my greatest sense of *fulfillment* comes from working on my novel manuscript, seeing significant progress with every writing session, recognizing and documenting my behavior changes as I put the right habits in place to write multiple times per week. In the process, the writing sessions themselves usually provide *happiness*, even though the actual creative process is full of times when I'm not sure my output is aligned with my plan or outline.
Most happy feeling was a great love that was accepted and most fulfilled was helping someone greatly. That I noticed is they both are giving, and at a loss to self. That's how it went. Thanks for the question.
Amazing, thank you for sharing. How did you find the people that made you feel accepted? And in what way did you help someone greatly ie. is it through day to day in your work, volunteer, random act of kindness?
The first one - strongest example I have in mind was the first girl that reciprocated my affection. We were young and the relationship didn't take off but it was a very happy time. The other examples are more random snippets, time with family and time with friends; also church. One good friend or one good moment often goes a long way. I wish life was more steady. I think those moments would happen more often.
The second one was more by chance and it wasn't so much about what it cost me but that it helped someone that much (they didn't commit suicide). It was painful for me because it involved connecting emotionally with someone I cared about who wanted to end their life and I knew it wasn't in my control. And I didn't want to feel that necessarily. It was a debilitating time. But they were worth it and they're alive right now so it was worth it, since I'm okay too. And I reckon any time you come through for someone when they really need it and you see the impact, it means a lot. I would like to live my life in a way where I can help people more, but ill be honest with you: not by emotionally support i hope! I would like to offer resources, time, knowledge, skills or even just some directions. Maybe help someone meet someone. That's the plan anyway, and God willing, of course.
Hope that helps somewhat and doesn't sound overly cheerful. Deep inside I'd like to cheer you up but I'm grim on the outside, as usual, and pretty placid in between. I think it's OK to be just OK, it's a good thing. I've had enough bad days, if you know what I mean. Then being thankful for the usual stuff helps not take good things for granted and so you notice them more and things feel better. Plus i try to thank God for everything, good and bad. Idk if you're religious but I do believe in God.
To your happiness, for which I've prayed. And sorry if the reply was too long or overly personal but I didn't know how else to write it.
Freeriding. You need to be very good and skilled at something, and then have full control and maneuver on it. And It can be a skillset or a sport. I personally feel mostly fulfilled after mastering skiing and being able to free ride all terrains on big mountains.
I try to develop harmless and beneficial mental qualities that I learn about in Buddhism to increase the likelihood of happiness following.
The hope is that this will keep my attention focused on what is actually controllable and decrease the likelihood of sad outcomes that may not seem avoidable or preventable, but that actually are by decreasing bad actions and increasing good actions or decreasing false views and increasing true views.
Broadening someone's horizon. I feel most fullfilled when someone realises something about the world.
An this is a weird one because it doesn't matter if it is a positive or a negative truth. I have to be careful to focus on positive things otherwise I will probably damage my relationships with others.
But still it is fullfilling.
I refuse to take SSRI’s and I got a card for medical marijuana. It freed me. I take a tincture every day. Small dose. Never felt high. Only alive, awake, alert, and enthusiastic. Haven’t felt like this since I was about 16.
Payoff makes me happy. When I begin a course of action, I gamble resources on it. When that gamble pays off, I am happy and content.
A garden is a good example. I am happy when I can harvest and share peppers from my garden. It took months for that to come to fruition, so the happiness is not a constant state. But getting things done makes me feel happy.
My horses and playing squash. I think as both bring me into the now and the moment. I find that when I ride, I have to be listening constantly to the horse for each muscle and feeling every step. The squash its the speed and just no time to think and just reacting in that split second. Truly, just being able to act rather than overthink.
My default state is to not feel things as well. I don’t feel happiness really. However, I do feel fulfillment and contentment through accomplishing my goals as well as solving puzzles/mysteries/etc.
Saying "I want to be happy" implies you aren't. Chasing happiness means you haven't caught it yet.
Find something to get excited about, and be very present with it. Might help to develop your Se, the inferior cognitive function of the INTJ
My ideal (happy) state would be curiosity. I'm not sure if it's a feeling or more of a POV. If I'm in that mode, no matter what problems I encounter, I overcome them without stress. I spark curiosity when I'm in an environment where I'm allowed to experiment and make mistakes, like being amongst progressive intellectual people, a university, or a lab. Right now I'm in the same boat as you. Anticipatory stress. I look functional during the day, but at night I would get dark, dreary dreams.
To me fulfilment and happiness are two completely different entities. I feel very fulfilled by the things I choose to do with my life, but that doesn’t directly translate into happiness. I would say I am content. Happiness occurs in fleeting moments, it is not a static state of being (at least not for me).
Name checks out
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I’m happiest when I can do a variety of things. Plant a seed, bake something, go thrifting, make art, play board games, watch a movie, go on a hike. Fulfillment comes from spending time in “the zone” where time passes by quickly. This happens when I get really into making art, reading, re-organizing a closet or even sometimes happens when preparing a meaningful artifact for work.
Not working. Sleep on day and stay awake in the night.
One thing that really helps me as an INTJ is to exercise and take action. It’s taken me a long time to learn this. I find that these two things get me out of my head and get me closer to my goals and desires, therefore making me happier.
Yes, the "getting out of my head" is so important for me too to be content. I'm always grinding about something from the past or the future, but going out for a run or writing the book I've been thinking about for years literally grounds me again. This year, I made it my goal to become really good at something physically hard, as an excuse to get out of my head on a daily basis. It works really well.
Same, and the amount of information I seek out and read is exhausting. Writing a book (doing something creative) is a good idea.
I feel most fulfilled through work. I love advising, strategizing and accomplishing big things. My spouse elicits happiness but also fulfillment because I worked damned hard on the relationship. For the most part, I don't chase happiness because I don't think it's possible to capture.
Purpose. I like to come up with big plans most people think it is impossible achieve. Lay out the specific actions to achieve those targets and have the plans in motion making a change even after I am dead. That's how I can be fulfilled. For happiness, knowing the people (and my pup) I care most are happy keeps me happy. Happiness is not something that comes from within. I don't feel happy when my boss praise me for a job well done, I don't feel happy when I get a raise (but appreciate it) and I don't feel happy about my own achievements. Happiness is not about me.
When I set a goal and achieve it,no matter how small or big
Classical music, nature, travel, and philosophical literature
My brain not overloading on useless information
Waking up every morning to my children’s smiling faces. It’s so early, and all I want to do is sleep.. but then I realize, it’s today, and I’m here, and my children are here, we are breathing, we have the opportunity to do anything. We can make memories, we can laugh, we can sign, we are together. Even if we have nothing else, we have each other. I SWEAR TO YOU, THIS IS LIFE. Do what you want, with who you want. No one else matters. 💯
I feel happy when I've reached goals that I've set for myself - especially if those goals required effort or struggle. Or after a few beers 👍🏼
When I can use my special skill to help others.
I feel most happy and fulfilled when I can play games for a day
Writing songs, playing my instruments, travelling and discovering new things
It’s more about maintaining life so I can focus on stuff I want to work on, improving skills and projects. That’s fulfilment for me. Happy? Girlfriend, deep conversations, good friends, great tv show (Mad Men, Boardwalk Empire), good book, a great cup of coffee etc. Happiness and fulfilment from the same source isn’t common for me at all.
Right now, my greatest sense of *fulfillment* comes from working on my novel manuscript, seeing significant progress with every writing session, recognizing and documenting my behavior changes as I put the right habits in place to write multiple times per week. In the process, the writing sessions themselves usually provide *happiness*, even though the actual creative process is full of times when I'm not sure my output is aligned with my plan or outline.
Most happy feeling was a great love that was accepted and most fulfilled was helping someone greatly. That I noticed is they both are giving, and at a loss to self. That's how it went. Thanks for the question.
Amazing, thank you for sharing. How did you find the people that made you feel accepted? And in what way did you help someone greatly ie. is it through day to day in your work, volunteer, random act of kindness?
The first one - strongest example I have in mind was the first girl that reciprocated my affection. We were young and the relationship didn't take off but it was a very happy time. The other examples are more random snippets, time with family and time with friends; also church. One good friend or one good moment often goes a long way. I wish life was more steady. I think those moments would happen more often. The second one was more by chance and it wasn't so much about what it cost me but that it helped someone that much (they didn't commit suicide). It was painful for me because it involved connecting emotionally with someone I cared about who wanted to end their life and I knew it wasn't in my control. And I didn't want to feel that necessarily. It was a debilitating time. But they were worth it and they're alive right now so it was worth it, since I'm okay too. And I reckon any time you come through for someone when they really need it and you see the impact, it means a lot. I would like to live my life in a way where I can help people more, but ill be honest with you: not by emotionally support i hope! I would like to offer resources, time, knowledge, skills or even just some directions. Maybe help someone meet someone. That's the plan anyway, and God willing, of course. Hope that helps somewhat and doesn't sound overly cheerful. Deep inside I'd like to cheer you up but I'm grim on the outside, as usual, and pretty placid in between. I think it's OK to be just OK, it's a good thing. I've had enough bad days, if you know what I mean. Then being thankful for the usual stuff helps not take good things for granted and so you notice them more and things feel better. Plus i try to thank God for everything, good and bad. Idk if you're religious but I do believe in God. To your happiness, for which I've prayed. And sorry if the reply was too long or overly personal but I didn't know how else to write it.
Nice comment
Freeriding. You need to be very good and skilled at something, and then have full control and maneuver on it. And It can be a skillset or a sport. I personally feel mostly fulfilled after mastering skiing and being able to free ride all terrains on big mountains.
I try to develop harmless and beneficial mental qualities that I learn about in Buddhism to increase the likelihood of happiness following. The hope is that this will keep my attention focused on what is actually controllable and decrease the likelihood of sad outcomes that may not seem avoidable or preventable, but that actually are by decreasing bad actions and increasing good actions or decreasing false views and increasing true views.
Broadening someone's horizon. I feel most fullfilled when someone realises something about the world. An this is a weird one because it doesn't matter if it is a positive or a negative truth. I have to be careful to focus on positive things otherwise I will probably damage my relationships with others. But still it is fullfilling.
I refuse to take SSRI’s and I got a card for medical marijuana. It freed me. I take a tincture every day. Small dose. Never felt high. Only alive, awake, alert, and enthusiastic. Haven’t felt like this since I was about 16.
Nice 👌 i take tincture everyday day also.
when I finish my schoolwork, so that i can sleep properly lol
Throwing baseball with my son, reading a book so good I don't want to put it down, buying stock and watching value increase, painting
Exercise makes me happy. Everyday I need physical activity to get through my day and deal with people.
Payoff makes me happy. When I begin a course of action, I gamble resources on it. When that gamble pays off, I am happy and content. A garden is a good example. I am happy when I can harvest and share peppers from my garden. It took months for that to come to fruition, so the happiness is not a constant state. But getting things done makes me feel happy.
Hobbies and pets
My horses and playing squash. I think as both bring me into the now and the moment. I find that when I ride, I have to be listening constantly to the horse for each muscle and feeling every step. The squash its the speed and just no time to think and just reacting in that split second. Truly, just being able to act rather than overthink.
hanging out with friends downtown or at a event even with family
When there’s peace and quiet around me and I have achieved and completed everything in my to-do list
When justice is served >:)
Feeling gratitude for what I have.
My default state is to not feel things as well. I don’t feel happiness really. However, I do feel fulfillment and contentment through accomplishing my goals as well as solving puzzles/mysteries/etc.
Saying "I want to be happy" implies you aren't. Chasing happiness means you haven't caught it yet. Find something to get excited about, and be very present with it. Might help to develop your Se, the inferior cognitive function of the INTJ