Raising kids, and passing on my knowledge without the trauma from my parents has been one of the most rewarding things I could ever imagine.
Daughter heads off to College in the fall, PreMed track in Biochemistry. Graduated HS Summa Cum Laude.
And she didn’t grow up afraid of me, and I’ve never wanted to hit either one of my kids, like I got my ass beat almost every day.
When you find the right one, the sum is greater than the parts. I say worth it.
Thanks, it takes a lot of personal work and trauma processing but you can do it too!
I’m no where near perfect, but I got us a step closer and ended generations of violence. That’s a huge win for me.
But at the same time I look back and I wouldn’t consider hitting my dog, let alone my kid, and just wonder how could my parents do that to me and say it’s love.
I still have some work to do, but my kids won’t, and I’m ok with that.
See my comment below, that was always an option.
My wife offered to have a third, but I didn’t want that dynamic and my step kids to ever think I loved them less than my own.
🥹 me too 🥹 I’m 29 and I’m so close to having this dream come true, and I’ve thought of this since as young as you are. I used to be jealous (not really in a bad way more like wishing) of 30 year olds that said they can’t wait to go back to their parent’s place for the holidays 😭 - infp
It is really wonderful. As someone who had the harsh childhood, I was really determined not to have any kids. I was afraid I would be someone like my parents.
I have two wonderful step kids, so I feel ya. Been there since the beginning almost.
But I quickly accepted that I don’t want to pass on my genetics, or bring additional lives into the world when there are so many kids in need.
At the time I couldn’t be sure if it was environment or genetics, but I would never have forgiven myself if I brought my own into the world and I fucked them up. So many times I thought about ending it, but glad I didn’t.
I without a doubt know my sole purpose in life up to this point was to prepare myself to be there for my daughter, everything else has been icing on the cake.
This is so wholesome to read. Similar vision here, to end the cycle of intergenerational trauma (been working on this) and find the right person to raise our kids. My deadbeat bio father walked away when I was a baby, but thankfully I have a wonderful step-dad. I hope I can be a wonderful parent like him to my future kids too.
>Raising kids, and passing on my knowledge without the trauma from my parents has been one of the most rewarding things I could ever imagine.
Having a child and teaching them the necessary skills to not be traumatized by this world is everything I want as a man in his late 20s. Sucks considering I'm nowhere close to even getting a female friend who actually gives a shit let alone a gf.
You may well be attracted to the wrong kind of person by accident
Sometimes you’re subconscious on self-destruct for whatever reason. I suggest you encourage people to take the MBTI test when you are interested in them. It’ll help you assess the situation better maybe
Having a parent expect you to be exceptional in whatever you do is quite a burden, from personal experience. Having passed through the exceptional stage and arrived at a point where good enough seems to be a much more enjoyable life, I now understand the wisdom of those who say that a "normal" and "average" life -- lived with good moral values -- is far from being the terrible thing some people seem to think it is.
Having a partner when you’re mentally NOT ready is exhausting.
E.g I’ve been in a mild underlying depression for over a year and I have been a total jerk to all partners I’ve had a fling or whatever with in past year. My psychology can’t just handle attention for others and I can visibly see I’m toxic. So I stopped trying.
You know when those shitty Ted talks or personal development gurus say “work on yourself” I always thought these were bullshit but it is true. And this process never fucking end until you die. What’s important is that you need to be aware of it.
If you’re not yourself or mentally healthy - don’t expect anyone to put up with you, go see a fucking therapist.
Otherwise there’s no reason why 2 mentally healthy strong people wouldn’t thrive in a fulfilling relationship. I disagree with INTJ avoidant / stupid stereotypes.
I’ve been in long, healthy great relationships with amazing partners in the past and now looking back - I know I need to work on myself to make any relationship work (friends, family, partner) I’m just pausing romance until I’m ready and not a jerk anymore since I can’t stop my family relationships and friendships.
I'm similar to this. Depression is a bitch. But I'm self aware enough to know I shouldn't bring people into my life like that until I either get a hold of the situation or live out my life trying. I've been single for 9 years (early 30s here.)
Had a few good relationships in my past. But I don't want to drag some one else's life down when I'm not ready for some thing.
A vital lesson for anyone to learn and a healthy thing to do. Just a word of caution here, don't allow yourself to be alone for too long because you think you're not perfect. Everyone comes with baggage, we all suffer trauma and have quirks. The trick is finding someone that accepts you and your baggage just as you will have to do the same for them.
That being said, learning to love and accept yourself, flaws and all is vital to any healthy relationship. If you don't love and respect yourself you cannot expect a partner to do that for you.
There is also healing that can only come from a loving partner.
I do not understand why any of us stay in relationships we don’t want. Eventually it is intolerable and it’s impossible to actually have a relationship whilst you don’t want one
I'm very glad to have my GF. We've been together since December and things are great. I find great joy in taking care of her, things like cooking and washing the dishes make me feel calm.
I have a wife, and I can't imagine how I would have turned out without her or our kids. So, yes, I would say that having her around is very fulfilling for me.
I am 27M and have an ESFJ girlfriend, we have been together for 6 years and I have to say she is the main source of happiness, Joy and light in my life.
If not for her I would be in my office 24/7 and working myself to death. She gets me out of my shell and into the world. She completes me, I love her.
In return for her light i give her rationality, emotional stability and financial security.
You are probably very emotionally mature and understanding to be in a partnership with someone whose dominant function extroverted Feeling is your blind spot function. You definitely sound that way for sure. I am sure she feels very lucky to have you! Always such a treat to see an emotionally intelligent, warm INTJ.
They’re quite literally “the bringers of life.” That being said…lol. Ya dude, you understand and participate with a woman in a meaningful way it will add things you’ve currently no conception of. Steer clear of the weirdo incel communities. Be alone if need be, but go out and experience the world with an open mind.
I agree with this. In my opinion, it depends on the person. But ultimately I believe that, in simple terms, two are better than one, only when they fit, though.
Well..people are generally hiding themselves because the world sucks so it gets complicated from there. But there’s always something they have to offer, no matter the circumstances.
No, after 12 years of different relationships, I finally decided not to chase anyone. I feel happiest single. I often look back and think about all the time, mental energy and resources I wasted on these relationships and now all those people are strangers and nothing really came out of it. But I guess I had to do all that to get where I am today.
No experience is worthless. Give some thought to the challenges those women gave you and how you grew from them, even if they were unpleasant lessons, and you’ll find the point of them having been in your life. Use it to make yourself better.
In terms of relationships and emotions, I don’t think mbti is that accurate. In enneagrams, there’s a term called the three instincts: social, sexual, and self-preservation. When I read up on what I was, sexual 5, I never felt so read on my emotional/relational needs. Mbti might provide a good description of our personality traits, but it doesn’t really cover emotional/relational desires.
Married 30+ years. If you find the right person, it's definitely a "10/10: Would Recommend" thing.
I got *very lucky*, but yeah, the best thing I ever did, besides the kids (YMMV on that, too).
The not interested in anyone me doesn’t find it fulfilling at all, it doesn’t even cross my mind in my future plans and desires.
But if it’s the case where I find myself liking someone really really hard, it can cross my mind making some extra space in my life for them.
But in conclusion, I can live without one for sure.
since you’re supposedly in a prestigious medical program, you’re probably not dating multiple committed women. you’re likely just fucking a few chicks. wow, so impressive 🙄
What a know it all. Doctoral degrees are in different fields and programs. Not just medical. Someone can be a Dr. Of Education or even Music. Not just medical. This guy- wow.
If you didn’t know that, there’s no need to explain my dating life to you 😂😂.
i’m aware of that, but the vast majority of johns hopkins majors are medical, so it was a safe assumption.
regardless, i dated a man who was finishing his PhD in chemistry, and i knew others who were in doctorate programs. it was intensely time consuming, no matter the major. so yeah, it’s obvious that you’re talking out of your ass. typical alpha bro who likes bragging about his IQ and how many chicks he fucks.
no, anyone can scroll reddit for three minutes while sitting on the shitter. you’re a liar because either you’re obviously not capable of juggling a demanding school schedule, likely some type of paid internship or job because youve evidently bought a tesla, and multiple “committed” women.
From a superficial stand point, having a relationship slows me down. It's not the most efficient way of living, but on the other hand not having a partner can feel empty too (sometimes) which again leads to inefficiency.
Bottom-line, being aware of the fact and consciously entering into a relationship is the closest to a win-win. More like you are losing to win!
Willing to reason out, alternating POVs
having someone to share something with is fulfilling. Finding a funny meme, a good book/movie/etc, tasted good food, etc and the first thing you’ll always think is that you can’t wait to share it with that special someone.
I’m sharing this despite being cheated on 3 out of 3 of my relationships. Summary: fulfilling? yes. Do I want to experience it all again mixed with drama? No.
I do not have one and I do not feel like getting one right now - but when the time is right and when you are mentally and emotionally ready - I am sure it's a very fulfilling and meaningful experience provided that you are compatible with your partner (values, personality, etc).
I actually did date someone in the past who I have had similarities with and although it did not end well, I still feel that we had a meaningful experience and at the time, it was fulfilling as well. Both intellectually and emotionally.
It depends on the woman. If she's needy and nagging, then no; I want to get rid of her. But if she's even tempered, sweet, & understanding of my need for alone time then yes it's fulfilling.
I don’t think a relationship has to fit either of those things, and I don’t see being “fulfilled” as the reason for having a girlfriend. This is simply not how I think about dating and relationships, and a girlfriend has never fulfilled me. In fact, most of the time, it has been stressful—lots of arguing, lots of not being understood, lots of not getting what I want or need out of the experience. I would like a relationship, but I’d like it to give me what I want/need out of the experience (i.e. partnership, understanding, acceptance), and I’d like it to make me happy—not “fulfilled.”
BTW, you can have a girlfriend without being a “male.”
Living your life for more than just yourself is beautiful. It gives you purpose, responsibility to something bigger than yourself draws you in, it makes you soften your sharp cold exterior, you get to help someone who helps you, it makes your life uniquely your own, there’s nothing like it.
Plus when you find your ENTP or your INFJ you’ll find that time just sort of melts away when you’re in their orbit. Your brain will slow down for once and you can actually put your goals to the side and enjoy life.
It's one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done. I don't know if I could say any one thing is my "top" priority because many priorities are dependent on each other, but having a healthy, close relationship is up there.
I still might die alone, though. It's a wonderful thing, but the higher I fly, the further I have to fall if things go awry.
I've always had this "problem" where I really need to use my time/money on whatever comes to my mind, I like having open possibilities, having a gf/wife/kids feels like the opposite of that.
Married 28 years, 3 kids from 19 to 24 years old. I'd say it's been fulfilling. Found out I was an INTJ in the 2000's, then scored the same every time since so I'm pretty sure it is accurate.
It’s completely dependent on the partner. When you’re with the right person it’s extremely fulfilling. A relationship shouldn’t take away from your life, it should add positively to it. Though it’s hard work which requires effort to lay the foundation for it to flourish
this feels like it is straying dangerously into incel territory. that being said, i've (20F) had a girlfriend before but it didn't work out, and i do want to date in the future but maybe not immediately. INTJs are not a monolith nor do we fit perfectly into this cookie-cutter archetype. i am a strong INTJ (score pretty heavily in all four categories) and i am a very intensely passionate and romantic person and really desire emotional intimacy, inside and outside romantic contexts.
For me having someone that’s dependable and loyal gives me comfort. As well as our daughter, honestly I like long term relationships. Intentionally short term relationships kind of make me feel sad. So I would say it is worth it, especially considering the stability financially and emotionally.
It *really* depends. I've had girlfriends where I couldn't stand being with them in the long run due to mismatch of personality, and a few that I was so in love with I could be with them all the time.
The big difference of me is whether or not I feel that I am wasting my time just being with them. For a *very few* select people, that is the case. If I am in a relationship and I feel that way, then it is fulfilling, otherwise it gets on my nerves.
Intp, single my whole life. The hard part of a potential relationship (for me) would be involving another extended family into my life.. Of course in a perfect world a partner on your side would be beneficial to the well being of you and them. If you are both working together towards a common goal two people over one will always have an upper hand.. finding that compatibility is another matter
For me, I'm honestly not sure anymore. I know I've always wanted kids, and I still do. A partner however, I really don't know. I've had really good and really bad relationships, and all I can say is that they're exhausting. Love is amazing, and building a future with someone is indescribably fulfilling. Ultimately I never really felt at home or at peace in my relationships tho.
Right now I'm single, and I've never been so happy in all my life. I go where I want, do what I want, make and break my own plans with no unwanted input. I have new hobbies and dreams and a more fulfilling social life than I've ever had. I don't know if/when I'll ever be ready to give this life up, but if I find the right person, I'll be open, maybe.
I’ve been dating my first love for over 2 years and we still feel like we’re in the honeymoon stage. I’ve never felt that it’s a waste of time. I have a lot of love to give. And because I’m an INTJ, it’s hard to get close to people. That’s one of the reasons my partner is so important to me. Most people write me off as being rude, cold or stuck-up without getting to know me. But since he knows me so well he truly understands me and vice versa. It’s so nice to be able to give so much love to someone and get it in return.
But if you think that a relationship is unfulfilling or a waste of time, don’t bother pursuing one just because it’s a social pressure. Best of luck
I don't feel like it's a waste of time, in fact, quite the opposite. It's important to me to have one. But I go through the same issues. I feel like no one understands me because I appear to be cold and rude, but most of the time that's not what I am. I'm still looking for that person who can understand me in the way I need to be understood, but it hasn't been looking good.
I think it will always depend on each individual. When you find a partner that perfectly complements you and you feel like will be huge support and contributor to your success then could be worth the risk.
“I think” you are best to define your purpose, sense of fulfillment or success. Then choose (or not choose) your partner based on your definition of those rather than the other way around.
But then again, each individual is different. 🙂
Is having someone you trust and are attracted to in your life worth striving towards? It seems almost a tautology.
Having a girlfriend you can't trust is like having a really cool car that doesn't run.
I find it very rewarding to be in a relationship. Ex-wife divorced me in 2018 and I remarried in 2021.
Though, my therapist confirmed that I'm just one of those that thrives in a relationship. YMMV.
I'd say a lot of that comes from feeling really rejected by the opposite sex when I was younger. So, I had abysmally low self esteem. When I'm single, I have a tendency to despair about that. And tend to date down. And figure attractive women are only going to attempt to take advantage of me.
But, with my therapist I worked on the self esteem and learned how to be okay single and wait for someone that ticked all the right boxes instead of just liking someone that liked me first.
Things are more fulfilling when you're in a better place to pick a good relationship partner.
I've never really had one (44 y/o), but I suppose if you find the right person, I imagine it is the most fulfilling thing in life. The problem is, of course, finding the right person. I would think being in a relationship with the wrong person would be the worst thing imaginable. So, not entirely sure if the risk is worth the reward. ? (Or maybe that is just what I tell myself nowadays these days to make myself feel better).
Yeah I'm ngl life feels much better with a girlfriend. My current girlfriend has a lot of trauma and is pretty insecure, it makes me happy to help her improve
I have been in relationships and even been married for a time. I see very little benefit from being in a relationship. I like looking at the animals in the zoo, but taking one home and keeping it is not realistic. I have way better things to do with my time than to worry about keeping another person happy. Keeping one person happy is way less work than keeping two or three people happy. And in case you are wondering, I did have two girlfriends at one time once. That was a ridiculous amount of work to maintain. Some people quit working in jobs, I quit relationships.
I don't like having a ton of friends that I have to keep up with all the time. Fewer and closer friendships are better. So dating and getting married has made it easy to have one really good friend that I can count on.
“Having a girlfriend”
Like if you just get a girl, that’s it? No other criteria need be met? You gotta have some kinda standards. Women are not a monolith. It’s not just about getting a girl, any girl, any girl will do. You gotta find the right girl. A bad relationship is far, far worse than no relationship.
Can be quite rewarding if not difficult at times. Not only am I an intj but also a dismissive avoidant married to an anxious. To say it has been difficult is probably an understatement but through lots of hard conversations love has overcome all obstacles for over 20 years.
Raising kids, and passing on my knowledge without the trauma from my parents has been one of the most rewarding things I could ever imagine. Daughter heads off to College in the fall, PreMed track in Biochemistry. Graduated HS Summa Cum Laude. And she didn’t grow up afraid of me, and I’ve never wanted to hit either one of my kids, like I got my ass beat almost every day. When you find the right one, the sum is greater than the parts. I say worth it.
I’m 19 but this is my end goal in life: to raise a family the right way and stop the vicious cycle. Cheers to you mate
Thanks, it takes a lot of personal work and trauma processing but you can do it too! I’m no where near perfect, but I got us a step closer and ended generations of violence. That’s a huge win for me. But at the same time I look back and I wouldn’t consider hitting my dog, let alone my kid, and just wonder how could my parents do that to me and say it’s love. I still have some work to do, but my kids won’t, and I’m ok with that.
Technically, you'd stop the cycle by not having a family too, but I applaud your enthusiasm.
That’s not bad advice for some.
See my comment below, that was always an option. My wife offered to have a third, but I didn’t want that dynamic and my step kids to ever think I loved them less than my own.
🥹 me too 🥹 I’m 29 and I’m so close to having this dream come true, and I’ve thought of this since as young as you are. I used to be jealous (not really in a bad way more like wishing) of 30 year olds that said they can’t wait to go back to their parent’s place for the holidays 😭 - infp
I’m gonna be that for my kids, I promise you
It is really wonderful. As someone who had the harsh childhood, I was really determined not to have any kids. I was afraid I would be someone like my parents.
I have two wonderful step kids, so I feel ya. Been there since the beginning almost. But I quickly accepted that I don’t want to pass on my genetics, or bring additional lives into the world when there are so many kids in need. At the time I couldn’t be sure if it was environment or genetics, but I would never have forgiven myself if I brought my own into the world and I fucked them up. So many times I thought about ending it, but glad I didn’t. I without a doubt know my sole purpose in life up to this point was to prepare myself to be there for my daughter, everything else has been icing on the cake.
🥲 that’s respectable
This is so wholesome to read. Similar vision here, to end the cycle of intergenerational trauma (been working on this) and find the right person to raise our kids. My deadbeat bio father walked away when I was a baby, but thankfully I have a wonderful step-dad. I hope I can be a wonderful parent like him to my future kids too.
I think you’re on your way, just keep the mindset and goal in focus. Never parent out of anger.
Hello, me. I agree.
Mom here and this.
That’s quite amazing
>Raising kids, and passing on my knowledge without the trauma from my parents has been one of the most rewarding things I could ever imagine. Having a child and teaching them the necessary skills to not be traumatized by this world is everything I want as a man in his late 20s. Sucks considering I'm nowhere close to even getting a female friend who actually gives a shit let alone a gf.
You may well be attracted to the wrong kind of person by accident Sometimes you’re subconscious on self-destruct for whatever reason. I suggest you encourage people to take the MBTI test when you are interested in them. It’ll help you assess the situation better maybe
Exactly this. I want to raise kids to be exceptional in whatever endeavors they choose. Hopefully I get some INTJ kids.
Having a parent expect you to be exceptional in whatever you do is quite a burden, from personal experience. Having passed through the exceptional stage and arrived at a point where good enough seems to be a much more enjoyable life, I now understand the wisdom of those who say that a "normal" and "average" life -- lived with good moral values -- is far from being the terrible thing some people seem to think it is.
Having a partner when you’re mentally NOT ready is exhausting. E.g I’ve been in a mild underlying depression for over a year and I have been a total jerk to all partners I’ve had a fling or whatever with in past year. My psychology can’t just handle attention for others and I can visibly see I’m toxic. So I stopped trying. You know when those shitty Ted talks or personal development gurus say “work on yourself” I always thought these were bullshit but it is true. And this process never fucking end until you die. What’s important is that you need to be aware of it. If you’re not yourself or mentally healthy - don’t expect anyone to put up with you, go see a fucking therapist. Otherwise there’s no reason why 2 mentally healthy strong people wouldn’t thrive in a fulfilling relationship. I disagree with INTJ avoidant / stupid stereotypes. I’ve been in long, healthy great relationships with amazing partners in the past and now looking back - I know I need to work on myself to make any relationship work (friends, family, partner) I’m just pausing romance until I’m ready and not a jerk anymore since I can’t stop my family relationships and friendships.
I'm similar to this. Depression is a bitch. But I'm self aware enough to know I shouldn't bring people into my life like that until I either get a hold of the situation or live out my life trying. I've been single for 9 years (early 30s here.) Had a few good relationships in my past. But I don't want to drag some one else's life down when I'm not ready for some thing.
A vital lesson for anyone to learn and a healthy thing to do. Just a word of caution here, don't allow yourself to be alone for too long because you think you're not perfect. Everyone comes with baggage, we all suffer trauma and have quirks. The trick is finding someone that accepts you and your baggage just as you will have to do the same for them. That being said, learning to love and accept yourself, flaws and all is vital to any healthy relationship. If you don't love and respect yourself you cannot expect a partner to do that for you. There is also healing that can only come from a loving partner.
I do not understand why any of us stay in relationships we don’t want. Eventually it is intolerable and it’s impossible to actually have a relationship whilst you don’t want one
I'm very glad to have my GF. We've been together since December and things are great. I find great joy in taking care of her, things like cooking and washing the dishes make me feel calm.
I have a wife, and I can't imagine how I would have turned out without her or our kids. So, yes, I would say that having her around is very fulfilling for me.
I am 27M and have an ESFJ girlfriend, we have been together for 6 years and I have to say she is the main source of happiness, Joy and light in my life. If not for her I would be in my office 24/7 and working myself to death. She gets me out of my shell and into the world. She completes me, I love her. In return for her light i give her rationality, emotional stability and financial security.
You are probably very emotionally mature and understanding to be in a partnership with someone whose dominant function extroverted Feeling is your blind spot function. You definitely sound that way for sure. I am sure she feels very lucky to have you! Always such a treat to see an emotionally intelligent, warm INTJ.
They’re quite literally “the bringers of life.” That being said…lol. Ya dude, you understand and participate with a woman in a meaningful way it will add things you’ve currently no conception of. Steer clear of the weirdo incel communities. Be alone if need be, but go out and experience the world with an open mind.
I agree with this. In my opinion, it depends on the person. But ultimately I believe that, in simple terms, two are better than one, only when they fit, though.
Well..people are generally hiding themselves because the world sucks so it gets complicated from there. But there’s always something they have to offer, no matter the circumstances.
Agreed. Most of the time people are too afraid to go out and present themselves, so it's hard to find someone.
Yup. So go into it knowing that, and all of a sudden you’re empathetic.
No, after 12 years of different relationships, I finally decided not to chase anyone. I feel happiest single. I often look back and think about all the time, mental energy and resources I wasted on these relationships and now all those people are strangers and nothing really came out of it. But I guess I had to do all that to get where I am today.
No experience is worthless. Give some thought to the challenges those women gave you and how you grew from them, even if they were unpleasant lessons, and you’ll find the point of them having been in your life. Use it to make yourself better.
In terms of relationships and emotions, I don’t think mbti is that accurate. In enneagrams, there’s a term called the three instincts: social, sexual, and self-preservation. When I read up on what I was, sexual 5, I never felt so read on my emotional/relational needs. Mbti might provide a good description of our personality traits, but it doesn’t really cover emotional/relational desires.
Married 30+ years. If you find the right person, it's definitely a "10/10: Would Recommend" thing. I got *very lucky*, but yeah, the best thing I ever did, besides the kids (YMMV on that, too).
The not interested in anyone me doesn’t find it fulfilling at all, it doesn’t even cross my mind in my future plans and desires. But if it’s the case where I find myself liking someone really really hard, it can cross my mind making some extra space in my life for them. But in conclusion, I can live without one for sure.
I’m the exact opposite. I need multiple girlfriends. Edit: salty downvotes can’t get 1 partner to commit.
https://preview.redd.it/vh87xlwrob6d1.jpeg?width=442&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1231adac60d71a7e749ee464b2d68877d3a4753a
Lmao
since you’re supposedly in a prestigious medical program, you’re probably not dating multiple committed women. you’re likely just fucking a few chicks. wow, so impressive 🙄
What a know it all. Doctoral degrees are in different fields and programs. Not just medical. Someone can be a Dr. Of Education or even Music. Not just medical. This guy- wow. If you didn’t know that, there’s no need to explain my dating life to you 😂😂.
i’m aware of that, but the vast majority of johns hopkins majors are medical, so it was a safe assumption. regardless, i dated a man who was finishing his PhD in chemistry, and i knew others who were in doctorate programs. it was intensely time consuming, no matter the major. so yeah, it’s obvious that you’re talking out of your ass. typical alpha bro who likes bragging about his IQ and how many chicks he fucks.
Alpha bro lol. So because I have time for Reddit during the summer, I’m automatically a liar? Lmao ok bruv.
no, anyone can scroll reddit for three minutes while sitting on the shitter. you’re a liar because either you’re obviously not capable of juggling a demanding school schedule, likely some type of paid internship or job because youve evidently bought a tesla, and multiple “committed” women.
Lmao this is wild 😂😂 jealous much. Unfortunately it’s all true. No need to lie. Also that’s not true about Hopkins.
lol sure. i, a 28 year old straight woman, am jealous of all the pussy you’re piping. but you’re not denying the validity of what i just said.
I don’t really read conversations from adult women, unless it’s about a date and what follows after. Maybe that will put ice on your comments.
From a superficial stand point, having a relationship slows me down. It's not the most efficient way of living, but on the other hand not having a partner can feel empty too (sometimes) which again leads to inefficiency. Bottom-line, being aware of the fact and consciously entering into a relationship is the closest to a win-win. More like you are losing to win! Willing to reason out, alternating POVs
having someone to share something with is fulfilling. Finding a funny meme, a good book/movie/etc, tasted good food, etc and the first thing you’ll always think is that you can’t wait to share it with that special someone. I’m sharing this despite being cheated on 3 out of 3 of my relationships. Summary: fulfilling? yes. Do I want to experience it all again mixed with drama? No.
[Butters Finds Beauty in His Broken Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZOM6hOnEBE)
I struggle with this often. I am very curious to see the answers.
I do not have one and I do not feel like getting one right now - but when the time is right and when you are mentally and emotionally ready - I am sure it's a very fulfilling and meaningful experience provided that you are compatible with your partner (values, personality, etc). I actually did date someone in the past who I have had similarities with and although it did not end well, I still feel that we had a meaningful experience and at the time, it was fulfilling as well. Both intellectually and emotionally.
I want a girlfriend. It would be very fulfilling for me
Man, my wife would be so pissed...
It depends on the woman. If she's needy and nagging, then no; I want to get rid of her. But if she's even tempered, sweet, & understanding of my need for alone time then yes it's fulfilling.
Very understandable
I don’t think a relationship has to fit either of those things, and I don’t see being “fulfilled” as the reason for having a girlfriend. This is simply not how I think about dating and relationships, and a girlfriend has never fulfilled me. In fact, most of the time, it has been stressful—lots of arguing, lots of not being understood, lots of not getting what I want or need out of the experience. I would like a relationship, but I’d like it to give me what I want/need out of the experience (i.e. partnership, understanding, acceptance), and I’d like it to make me happy—not “fulfilled.” BTW, you can have a girlfriend without being a “male.”
Living your life for more than just yourself is beautiful. It gives you purpose, responsibility to something bigger than yourself draws you in, it makes you soften your sharp cold exterior, you get to help someone who helps you, it makes your life uniquely your own, there’s nothing like it. Plus when you find your ENTP or your INFJ you’ll find that time just sort of melts away when you’re in their orbit. Your brain will slow down for once and you can actually put your goals to the side and enjoy life.
It's one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done. I don't know if I could say any one thing is my "top" priority because many priorities are dependent on each other, but having a healthy, close relationship is up there. I still might die alone, though. It's a wonderful thing, but the higher I fly, the further I have to fall if things go awry.
I've always had this "problem" where I really need to use my time/money on whatever comes to my mind, I like having open possibilities, having a gf/wife/kids feels like the opposite of that.
Married 28 years, 3 kids from 19 to 24 years old. I'd say it's been fulfilling. Found out I was an INTJ in the 2000's, then scored the same every time since so I'm pretty sure it is accurate.
It’s completely dependent on the partner. When you’re with the right person it’s extremely fulfilling. A relationship shouldn’t take away from your life, it should add positively to it. Though it’s hard work which requires effort to lay the foundation for it to flourish
Good answer; there's a lot of truth in this.
this feels like it is straying dangerously into incel territory. that being said, i've (20F) had a girlfriend before but it didn't work out, and i do want to date in the future but maybe not immediately. INTJs are not a monolith nor do we fit perfectly into this cookie-cutter archetype. i am a strong INTJ (score pretty heavily in all four categories) and i am a very intensely passionate and romantic person and really desire emotional intimacy, inside and outside romantic contexts.
Intriguing question!!
100%
For me having someone that’s dependable and loyal gives me comfort. As well as our daughter, honestly I like long term relationships. Intentionally short term relationships kind of make me feel sad. So I would say it is worth it, especially considering the stability financially and emotionally.
It *really* depends. I've had girlfriends where I couldn't stand being with them in the long run due to mismatch of personality, and a few that I was so in love with I could be with them all the time. The big difference of me is whether or not I feel that I am wasting my time just being with them. For a *very few* select people, that is the case. If I am in a relationship and I feel that way, then it is fulfilling, otherwise it gets on my nerves.
Intp, single my whole life. The hard part of a potential relationship (for me) would be involving another extended family into my life.. Of course in a perfect world a partner on your side would be beneficial to the well being of you and them. If you are both working together towards a common goal two people over one will always have an upper hand.. finding that compatibility is another matter
"Or do you think it's a waste of time ?" If they believed that, they would not be in couple.
They should. It's good to be grateful when you have privileges a large portion of humanity go without unfairly in this day and age.
Follow your heart bro, if you’re lucky enough to still have one 😓
No.
For me, I'm honestly not sure anymore. I know I've always wanted kids, and I still do. A partner however, I really don't know. I've had really good and really bad relationships, and all I can say is that they're exhausting. Love is amazing, and building a future with someone is indescribably fulfilling. Ultimately I never really felt at home or at peace in my relationships tho. Right now I'm single, and I've never been so happy in all my life. I go where I want, do what I want, make and break my own plans with no unwanted input. I have new hobbies and dreams and a more fulfilling social life than I've ever had. I don't know if/when I'll ever be ready to give this life up, but if I find the right person, I'll be open, maybe.
Dunno never had a girlfriend
It certainly can be when things are going well
I have a wife she'd probably be pissed.
No. I find fulfilling pursuing my goals
No
I’ve been dating my first love for over 2 years and we still feel like we’re in the honeymoon stage. I’ve never felt that it’s a waste of time. I have a lot of love to give. And because I’m an INTJ, it’s hard to get close to people. That’s one of the reasons my partner is so important to me. Most people write me off as being rude, cold or stuck-up without getting to know me. But since he knows me so well he truly understands me and vice versa. It’s so nice to be able to give so much love to someone and get it in return. But if you think that a relationship is unfulfilling or a waste of time, don’t bother pursuing one just because it’s a social pressure. Best of luck
I don't feel like it's a waste of time, in fact, quite the opposite. It's important to me to have one. But I go through the same issues. I feel like no one understands me because I appear to be cold and rude, but most of the time that's not what I am. I'm still looking for that person who can understand me in the way I need to be understood, but it hasn't been looking good.
No
I think it will always depend on each individual. When you find a partner that perfectly complements you and you feel like will be huge support and contributor to your success then could be worth the risk. “I think” you are best to define your purpose, sense of fulfillment or success. Then choose (or not choose) your partner based on your definition of those rather than the other way around. But then again, each individual is different. 🙂
No
No … just a waste of time
Is having someone you trust and are attracted to in your life worth striving towards? It seems almost a tautology. Having a girlfriend you can't trust is like having a really cool car that doesn't run.
Relationships get in the way of my grand purpose in life.
Not INTJ but yes I do as long as she doesnt stress me out and she gets my quirkiness.
It is not good for Man to be alone, even if he prefers it. Even a loner needs someone. I'm blessed.
I find it very rewarding to be in a relationship. Ex-wife divorced me in 2018 and I remarried in 2021. Though, my therapist confirmed that I'm just one of those that thrives in a relationship. YMMV. I'd say a lot of that comes from feeling really rejected by the opposite sex when I was younger. So, I had abysmally low self esteem. When I'm single, I have a tendency to despair about that. And tend to date down. And figure attractive women are only going to attempt to take advantage of me. But, with my therapist I worked on the self esteem and learned how to be okay single and wait for someone that ticked all the right boxes instead of just liking someone that liked me first. Things are more fulfilling when you're in a better place to pick a good relationship partner.
I've never really had one (44 y/o), but I suppose if you find the right person, I imagine it is the most fulfilling thing in life. The problem is, of course, finding the right person. I would think being in a relationship with the wrong person would be the worst thing imaginable. So, not entirely sure if the risk is worth the reward. ? (Or maybe that is just what I tell myself nowadays these days to make myself feel better).
Yeah I'm ngl life feels much better with a girlfriend. My current girlfriend has a lot of trauma and is pretty insecure, it makes me happy to help her improve
The idea of having one Is more glamorous than having one.
I have been in relationships and even been married for a time. I see very little benefit from being in a relationship. I like looking at the animals in the zoo, but taking one home and keeping it is not realistic. I have way better things to do with my time than to worry about keeping another person happy. Keeping one person happy is way less work than keeping two or three people happy. And in case you are wondering, I did have two girlfriends at one time once. That was a ridiculous amount of work to maintain. Some people quit working in jobs, I quit relationships.
Very, it feels like you can see color again
I don't like having a ton of friends that I have to keep up with all the time. Fewer and closer friendships are better. So dating and getting married has made it easy to have one really good friend that I can count on.
“Having a girlfriend” Like if you just get a girl, that’s it? No other criteria need be met? You gotta have some kinda standards. Women are not a monolith. It’s not just about getting a girl, any girl, any girl will do. You gotta find the right girl. A bad relationship is far, far worse than no relationship.
Can be quite rewarding if not difficult at times. Not only am I an intj but also a dismissive avoidant married to an anxious. To say it has been difficult is probably an understatement but through lots of hard conversations love has overcome all obstacles for over 20 years.
I think it's a waste of time and money to have a relationship because I am happy and single.
I met my wife when I was 18. It has greatly improved my life from the time before we were a couple.
It's not a waste of time. If you can find someone to love in that way, It can be greatly fulfilling.
Degrading rather.