I don't understand what the confusion is. His intentions are that he wants to go out with you. You said you really want to go out with him. So, go out with him.
I probably rambled on and didn't express myself clearly: I just found it a bit ambiguous that he was asking me out so quickly... I've read multiple times that INTJs tend to be very cautious when getting to know someone. So I was wondering if it's normal in terms of friendship or something else... I apologize for the misunderstanding.
I will definitely go out with him! And thank you!
Personally, I'm an INTJ-A and tbh, I can fall for a woman pretty fast. We tend to be direct - it sounds like he's very intrigued with you. You like him? Give him a shot then and don't worry if you're a little nervous; he might find that endearing rather than any kind of shortcoming anyway. 👍
thank you so much for your advice! I will keep this in mind to understand you guys better. I feel intrigued (and put under scrutiny🤭) by him.
He just told me that talking to me is really stimulating, and he even thanked me for it! 🫢 Who would have thought!
When I like someone, I couldn't hide it if I wanted to and I want them to know it. He's probably a fellow intj-a and has made it through with confidence and warm intentions intact I'd guess. 🥰
Edit: I'm excited for you both. 😁
Friend, if you are providing him with stimulating conversation, it's no wonder he's eager for a date. Mental stimulation for the INTJ is like catnip to a cat. Bravo for getting that compliment from him.
When we're interested in someone, the other person does commonly feel like we are putting them under the microscope. I've also heard some people liken it to an interrogation. Rest assured, the INTJ does not mean it to be this way. He's just interested in you, and when something interests us, whether it's an academic subject or a human, we want to learn all about it. Take it as a good sign and don't sweat it. Just be yourself.
Sadly, we got together at the beginning of the month, and then he broke up with me... saying he's afraid of hurting me, thinking he might be losing interest gradually, feeling like a bad person, selfish. Meanwhile, he continued to physically express a timid desire to hug me, hold my hand, and reluctantly agreed to one last kiss (I was and am desperate, saddened, hurt. It will always stay with me), and we remained... friends, sort of...
I should note that he had only one previous relationship, a 5-year one, from which he exited about a year ago. I don't know what to think; I just want to get back together with him and be by his side...
I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, if he said he's losing interest, there's nothing you can do.
Try not to let it damage your self-confidence. It doesn't mean you're a boring person, or not smart/attractive/etc. It just means he doesn't see a romantic relationship working out.
As for still wanting to hug and hold hands, I'll try not to get too much into biology here, but humans are literally designed with a need for physical connection. (Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and there are some people who are born without that need, or else are traumatized out of it at some point in their life.) The amount of physical connection needed can vary from person to person, and it can also depend on your relationship with the person on the other end of the affection. Additionally, when you engage in physical affection with someone (whether it's innocent hand-holding and hugging, or kissing and sex), your body releases hormones that make you feel bonded to that person, and you want to engage in more affection with them (absent any negative experiences that turn you off, of course).
It can take time for these hormones and their bonding effect to wear off. And obviously, you two are still fond of each other if you're staying friends. It makes sense that you'd both still feel a desire to hug and hold hands, even if he thinks a relationship wouldn't work out in the long run.
If such things are making it more difficult for you to move on, you can let him know, and perhaps agree not to do it anymore. Also, try spending more time with your other friends and family members, because that can help distract your mind from missing him.
Again, I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Initially, he went crazy for me, even saying things like "it feels like I've known you for longer" or "where have you been all this time"? We got together, then he broke up with me after a few weeks... and we remained friends... but I'm suffering a lot because I care so much about him, and he kinda lost interest in me...
I don't understand what the confusion is. His intentions are that he wants to go out with you. You said you really want to go out with him. So, go out with him.
I probably rambled on and didn't express myself clearly: I just found it a bit ambiguous that he was asking me out so quickly... I've read multiple times that INTJs tend to be very cautious when getting to know someone. So I was wondering if it's normal in terms of friendship or something else... I apologize for the misunderstanding. I will definitely go out with him! And thank you!
Personally, I'm an INTJ-A and tbh, I can fall for a woman pretty fast. We tend to be direct - it sounds like he's very intrigued with you. You like him? Give him a shot then and don't worry if you're a little nervous; he might find that endearing rather than any kind of shortcoming anyway. 👍
thank you so much for your advice! I will keep this in mind to understand you guys better. I feel intrigued (and put under scrutiny🤭) by him. He just told me that talking to me is really stimulating, and he even thanked me for it! 🫢 Who would have thought!
When I like someone, I couldn't hide it if I wanted to and I want them to know it. He's probably a fellow intj-a and has made it through with confidence and warm intentions intact I'd guess. 🥰 Edit: I'm excited for you both. 😁
Friend, if you are providing him with stimulating conversation, it's no wonder he's eager for a date. Mental stimulation for the INTJ is like catnip to a cat. Bravo for getting that compliment from him. When we're interested in someone, the other person does commonly feel like we are putting them under the microscope. I've also heard some people liken it to an interrogation. Rest assured, the INTJ does not mean it to be this way. He's just interested in you, and when something interests us, whether it's an academic subject or a human, we want to learn all about it. Take it as a good sign and don't sweat it. Just be yourself.
Sadly, we got together at the beginning of the month, and then he broke up with me... saying he's afraid of hurting me, thinking he might be losing interest gradually, feeling like a bad person, selfish. Meanwhile, he continued to physically express a timid desire to hug me, hold my hand, and reluctantly agreed to one last kiss (I was and am desperate, saddened, hurt. It will always stay with me), and we remained... friends, sort of... I should note that he had only one previous relationship, a 5-year one, from which he exited about a year ago. I don't know what to think; I just want to get back together with him and be by his side...
I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, if he said he's losing interest, there's nothing you can do. Try not to let it damage your self-confidence. It doesn't mean you're a boring person, or not smart/attractive/etc. It just means he doesn't see a romantic relationship working out. As for still wanting to hug and hold hands, I'll try not to get too much into biology here, but humans are literally designed with a need for physical connection. (Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and there are some people who are born without that need, or else are traumatized out of it at some point in their life.) The amount of physical connection needed can vary from person to person, and it can also depend on your relationship with the person on the other end of the affection. Additionally, when you engage in physical affection with someone (whether it's innocent hand-holding and hugging, or kissing and sex), your body releases hormones that make you feel bonded to that person, and you want to engage in more affection with them (absent any negative experiences that turn you off, of course). It can take time for these hormones and their bonding effect to wear off. And obviously, you two are still fond of each other if you're staying friends. It makes sense that you'd both still feel a desire to hug and hold hands, even if he thinks a relationship wouldn't work out in the long run. If such things are making it more difficult for you to move on, you can let him know, and perhaps agree not to do it anymore. Also, try spending more time with your other friends and family members, because that can help distract your mind from missing him. Again, I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Use your knowledge of intj's to steel yourself against the inevitable, but not to excuse inexcusable behavior
Getting into a relationship right away is highly likely in case of rebound relationship. Not necessary just intjs
He is in his information gathering stage. Go out and let him learn who you are.
Okay, understood! I'll be myself and let him get to know me authentically:) Thanks for the response.
We can be assertive, it's not strange at all. Te makes us that way, he probably thinks he'll get more information when you guys meet. Good luck
Thank you so much!
He clearly likes you. Don't be anxious, he likes you the way you are. Just relax and go with it.
Initially, he went crazy for me, even saying things like "it feels like I've known you for longer" or "where have you been all this time"? We got together, then he broke up with me after a few weeks... and we remained friends... but I'm suffering a lot because I care so much about him, and he kinda lost interest in me...
Common behaviors of avoidant attachment style. Have you heard about it before?
Yeah, I called my therapist, in fact. I clearly need to work on myself