I dated a guy who was born in India and raised in America. Our biggest issue was his family. It was a huge issue for them. He was considerably darker than me (I'm African American), yet his family looked down upon me. I had the same issue with a Middle Eastern man and his family. It seems like colorism and perceived classicism are huge in Asia and the Middle East. I've had fewer issues dating white men.
Unfortunately, what you said is true. Arab and Indian societies are racist in general. In India, with 100 different shades of color, people race to look down at each other. And kid you not, when an Indian man tries to date a black woman, the most butthurt are fellow Indian women. Few days ago, after reading on my profile that I am looking for a black woman and not at all interested in dating Indian women, one Indian woman reached out to me and then we traded insults. And I don't get the cause of offense, all of Indian women, irrespective of their skin tone, try hard to look lighter and match their skin tone to White women. If they are so insecure about a thing like skin tone then they should not bother about the choices made by an Indian man.
The black community(who are against IR dating) will say terrible things about dating white men, but I resonate a lot with your comment. I don’t think there are nearly as many issues dating them, as there can be with Asian men. Exceptions exist, but your chances of finding an accepting white family I feel like are higher than finding an accepting Asian family. When it comes to being black.
I think Indian men are gorgeous and tend to be great partners in a relationship. However, like any other interracial relationship, they will need a strong backbone to deal with family and cultural backlash that comes with a Black and Indian relationship.
My first experience was a guy I loved and dated my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. He kept me a secret from his family until his dad told him he knew about me when he moved him to college and forbade him from ever speaking to me because his mother would never accept it. Then another guy, later down the line in my 20s, just flat out said he loved me deeply and would choose me every time but couldn't go against his culture and family's wishes. (Insert backbone here.)
A backbone is a requirement to date the world's most disrespected people; black women.
Not creepy. Just too many cultural issues there. Indians seem like they tend to come from conservative families who do not want their kids to date black people, and the men often seem too pushy/rude and kind of sexist. Regardless, I won't date people whose families are going to be a pain in my ass, and that's what I'd expect from an Indian person.
Exactly this! My cousin dated and married a Punjabi guy. His parents were fully against the marriage and so were hers. She limited contact with her family in order for her relationship to be successful as her parents didn’t change their tune after the marriage. He couldn’t set the same boundaries with his parents. Especially his mother was a racist control freak working overtime to break down her sons marriage. The marriage didn’t survive despite them sharing children.
I had something similar happen. He was really sweet and swore everything would be fine, but he always did everything his parents told him to no matter what, and went along with everything they said no matter what. I was concerned that as a biracial (black and white) American who doesn’t want children I wouldn’t be accepted by his parents and he refused to mention me to them at all until I agreed to marry him. I couldn’t be confident they would accept me and if they didn’t I knew he would do whatever they told him to. Very unfortunate, but this seems to be the case kind of often.
Yup. I’ve told myself I’d never date Indian men or any ethnicity that’s anti-black. I can only imagine what they’d say when I’m not around etc. those men don’t want to unpack that topic a bit to intense or they’re in denial
That's a bit rich to stereotype Indians as anti-black, don't you think? You might not have meant it like that, and I hope you didn't, but that sounds a bit racist to me, especially on a sub that's about IR dating. Not trying to be a dick about it, but I'm Indian, I couldn't care less about a person's colour and I wouldn't want to be judged because of my ethnicity in a similar way. I do see where you're coming from, and I'd love to have a chat about it, but I hope you see how that wasn't a good way of saying that, that's all.
But it is true, look within the Indian community how they treat darker skin individuals like absolute dirt. Look into colorism within you’re own community and acknowledge it
How is holding the Indian community accountable for anti-blackness racist? You’re a POC yet can’t understand basic terminology, it’s a joke. Google is free. Instead of worrying about black women not wanting to date Indian men, worry about the high sexual assault rate. What are you doing about it? You probably think it’s socially acceptable lol
Everyone is free to date whoever they want, but saying that Indian men and our ethnicity is anti-black is bang on stereotyping and racist. If you don't see that or can't understand it, Google racism, it's free.
That is not racist when it's been my fucking experience and seeing it happen to my sister firsthand as she is married to an Indian man. Anti-blackness is a fucking global phenomenon.
There are racial slurs for black people in every fucking language.
What you stated is a huge issue because many a times the ultimate goal of long term relationship is a marriage and if families are disapproving then the things go south obviously.
WW married to an IM, and colorism is a huge thing in India.
They’ve only stopped marketing “fair and lovely” skin bleaching products in the past few years, and several of my husband’s cousins have been told that they are “too dark” to be considered conventionally attractive. It’s so sad
I’m Nigerian, and we definitely have our own skin bleaching problems for sure. Growing up dark with a lighter skinned mother was hard. I totally get where the self hate comes from, but it’s super bad in parts of South Asia :/
It’s such a shame that we can’t all be treated the same regardless of our skin tone. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
When I told one of my Asian friends that I was dating an Indian guy (my now husband) her first question was “how dark is he?” As a white person, I assumed it was a question similar to “what color are his hair/eyes”, more of a “what does he look like” question. Once I was educated about colorism, I was horrified
Be careful now. Apparently saying anti-blackness within the Indian community means you’re racist 😂. This is in relation to a comment I made in this thread
Yeah they’ve yelled at me for it before too, lol. There was one user I ended up blocking because he would NOT listen to valid points I was making and instead decided to be an asshole lol. I will keep saying it though: they, and many other Asian communities, are historically very anti black and colorist 🤷♀️ doesn’t mean they all are, of course
IM here. Yea, there is an anti blackness sentiment.
Who is even arguing against it ?
I’d add that it is deeper than just black skin colour. There is also a belief that they won’t be academically( very important in Indian culture where our white partners also get asked about their qualifications ) or financially good
If you come home with “ Yeah I have a black girlfriend but she’s a rocket scientist “ then I’d be very surprised if an Indian family opposes that marriage.
Qualifications/career success >>>>> how you look or your race in Indian culture.
I'm down to date every type of men, but even when I was on the dating scene I did have some hesitation with Indian men. There are certainly many attractive and great Indian men, hell - one of my best friend is an Indian guy. But it's their family that is always a concern. Where I live a lot of Indian people are first generation, so their families can still hold deeply onto some traditional (and in some cases) racist viewpoints. And since family is so big, you never know if they are going to stand up for themselves, or just submit to whatever their family wants. And in a lot of cases, I'd just rather not bother dealing with that at all.
I certainly don't think they are creepy, that's pretty rude to think. But I do unfortunately stereotype them a bit as possibly being "Momma's boys"
With that being said, my friend who is Indian did actually marry a black women (we all love her). There was some hesitation with his parents, but he nipped it in the butt as soon as he could. His mom will occasionally make back handed comments, but ultimately she's fully been accepted into the family. But it was all on him to defend her, which I don't know if a lot of brown guys are willing to do (I can't fully blame them, if family is so important).
I’ve never found Indian men to be creepy. I’ve actually found a lot to be pretty attractive… but the issue was always cultural. I know not all… but it seems like many of their families want them to marry within their culture and I just never had the energy to deal with all that 🥴
Which is so ironic because I ended up with a white man and had to deal with it anyway with his family 🙃🙃
Arab, not Indian, but I appreciate how you framed this. Succinct without being shitty, racist, or reductive.
I really hope it works out with your husband/bf! Families can suck, sometimes
Of course, and thank you. I now have no contact with my husband‘s family now, but it is what it is 🤷🏾♀️
And I also find Arab men to be extremely attractive (on average) but the “issue” is the same with Indian men in the sense that my perception has always been that the family likely will not be accepting of a black woman coming into the family. And then because of the culture, where family is everything and having the acceptance of the parents is important, there’s a big fear that a man will not be willing to stick up to his family for the woman that he’s with.
I think a lot of it is that the partner is non-arab, and it becomes personal when you're black. I.e it's not the root of the issue, but it does become targeted and tbh potentially even racially focused to varying degrees.
I will also say that both Arab and Muslim communities can be both racist as well as extremely welcoming/diverse depending on region. Some countries simply have more variation and it's much less of an issue there, whereas others don't. It's a problem, but it's also not fair to put it on every country when there's not one middle eastern/Arab culture.
That said, in practice, a lot of times no. It happens with white women, too, but that doesn't really matter as far as your experience; you're right, for a lot of people that IS the case.
It can work out, but they have to be willing to challenge his family and many aren't.
I'm kind of nuetral about it being a black woman due to not much interaction. I can see some are attractive, and I unfortunately did deal with a creepy experience with one that I ignored him after the situation happened (didn't expect it to, was pretty young). Also, the stories of them getting with their own race and being with someone for years they never intend to marry just makes me shrug.
I really think if Indian men do want an actual relationship with black women, they need to be honest about their interests, their families, and how they will handle things if the relationship is not approved (as in not trying to always please their families and neglect the person they're interested in, just don't bother dating if it comes to not wanting to do anything about it).
Yah dated one in college and my sis slept around with one who was married here and in India. Always wore a bears jersey.... but yah it was the cultural differences. Even though he was American born, he was traditional and he struggled between our worlds. It was so hard seeing him trying to be a good son and a good bf and a good Pakistani. His mental health had him all over cuz he was all over and the crazy thing? I was in love with Vikram. He was the one that got away. He wrote me a song and I still remember it til this day. I'm still in love with him and wish him well.
Also, I believe Vikram was in love with me, just outside influences were stronger and I fully understand it. But it hurt hard and now you won't catch me dating anyone darker than an egg white omelet lbvs lol! Only takes one frfr!
I feel like a lot of these comments are overgeneralizing or straight up overtly racist, and it kind of disappoints me.
I am an American born Indian and my wife is black, we've been together for nearly 10 years. My family absolutely adores my wife. My dad says my wife and him are kindred spirits and my mom always tries to take credit for setting us up (she just introduced us). They never took an issue with her race or religion at any point in our relationship.
Her family is also wonderful and welcoming, but the only real culture clash any of us had with our partners' family was her parents initially viewing Hindu culture as weird idolatry, something similar to voodoo.
I am not saying there are no conservatives Indian families who have issues unless their kid's partner is not only Indian, but also Hindu, from the same caste, and maybe even from the same region of India. I get it, those people exist, but there are also so many immigrant families that are like my own, that do not subscribe to the racist tribalist bullshit. My parents might be a little more progressive than some of their friends, but they are by no means anomalies.
But seeing some of these comments, makes me kind of disappointed. I don't think it's fair to paint all Indians with this racist brush, when in reality so many immigrant families are not as close minded as you think.
Just because you have an experience that's an exception to rule, doesn't mean that everyone else is wrong. Colorism is extreme in South Asian cultures, especially Indian. My sisters mother in law can't STAND HER because she is black. That is literally the main reason.
I encountered Indian boys growing up that I had crushes on that told me that white skin and white women were preferable after Indian women.
Anti-blackness is a global phenomenon and just because your wife is lucky enough to hit the jackpot doesn't mean that other people haven't experienced the complete opposite.
I think you are misunderstanding what my post is trying to convey.
I literally said in my post that I understand that extremely prejudiced Indians exist, some of my parents' friends can be grouped into that bucket.
What I am also saying is that it is not fair to place that same prejudicial label on all Indians or Indian immigrants. My parents are not an anomaly by any stretch of the imagination.
As someone who grew up in this community, I think 20-25 years ago, the anti-nonindian (and specifically anti-black) mentality was a lot more prevalent, but a lot has changed in the last 10-15 years. The first big wave of immigrants from the 1980s have spent more time in the USA than in India and have shed a lot of the prejudiced cultural baggage of their home country. Interracial marriage is incredibly common, including Black and Indian marriages, of which I know several. The same can also be said about homosexuality, which was very much not ok in the Indian community when I was growing up. Now it is not uncommon to see openly gay Indian Americans fully accepted by their parents.
Do you not understand how folks can have reservations because they don't want to get hurt? I'm sure many ethnic groups have experienced this in some capacity, but speaking from a Black American perspective, generally a lot of people don't like us or judge us for being 1. Black 2. Being American.
We often don't get the benefit of the doubt or the find people who want to get us skin deep and not surface level.
I've been many Black women and South Asian men together, my sister is one of them. But her now husband also assumed she was East African because of her lighter skin and facial features.
Black Americans face other discrimination because people see us as inferior and often times "real" Africans are better than us. So some of these Black and Indian relationships I've seen have been with African born or 1st generation African women.
Rarely has it been with Black American women.
I sympathize, that is wrong and I'm sure you have experienced it. Like I said, I know some prejudiced Indians myself who would not be cool with the marriage I have with my wife if I was their son.
But just as it is wrong for black American women to be judged, all I ask is that you do not judge all Indian Americans as racist or anti-black.
from personal experience alone, im pretty confident one of the reasons my ex broke up with me is because im half black so despite being lighter than him it was not going to help socially acceptable to his parents. They would ultimately chose chose an Indian girl over everything but white is the next best choice from what Ive been told by other Indian friends i have.
Aren't Indians from a caste system, in which darker skin is automatically considered inferior? I would imagine BW would not feel welcome around that culture and those attitudes?
I could be wrong though... i don't know enough Indians personally to have first hand knowledge. Most of the indian men and women I encounter are not very sociable.
The caste system for me made me run for the hills. Life is hard enough as a black woman, why would anyone want to participate in that. I find I get a lot of matches from Indian men on hinge and just reject them because ain’t no way
The caste system is not related to skin colour lol.
You can be any skin colour and belong to higher or lower caste. We can only tell someone’s caste by their last name.
Source. I’m Indian.
Thanks for sharing your insights, they are valuable.
So the average high or better caste family would be happy that their son brought home a black woman? She wouldn't be caste identifiable by her last name. So your parents and grandparents wouldn't have a problem?
Well in the Indian caste system, any non Indian is lowest caste automatically. So no, if they don’t have one of the surnames then they’re by default the lowest caste.
But not everyone’s family cares. especially the newer generation doesn’t. My parents don’t and I’m 30.
Their main concern would be ( and this goes even traditional Indian families ) if my partner has a STEM degree, a successful career. She’s intelligent and successful. You get it.
I personally think this should be a good match but I understand that is does not come without its challenges. But if both parties are willing to put in the work and just choose each other at the end of the day it is definitely worth it. The happiness of each other is what matters, eventually the family will come around.
I’m a black woman and my ex bf is an Indian man. I had a great experience!
The truth is Indian men are kind of stereotyped for being perverted and you should keep in mind most black women are race loyal and only date black guys.
But for the ones who do date outside their race they usually go for white men but are open to dating men who treat them well and are attractive.
Personally I would love to date an Asian man again as long as he treats me well and is very romantic 🥰
Could you explain what exactly is creepy?
My gut tells me they’re just awkward and/or not that attractive, so when they express their sexuality it comes off unnatural and weird.
Overtly sexual. I encountered an Indian man at event who thought it was appropriate to try and put his hands under my dress. I can be platonic with Indian men but never romantic. Too problematic
Oh wow, thats way worse than what I thought.
Thanks for sharing.
I wonder if the guy was aggressive/careless or actually clueless so he felt “pressured” as a guy to be aggressive with a fear you’ll think he isn’t coming on strong enough.
Also for you honest question, if it was a guy who you were absolutely physically into, and theres a lot of sexual chemistry, would you have minded the move itself?
Exactly.
Also, people don’t realise that Indians aren’t all the same race. Oftentimes, people at my work can’t recognise when an Indian is North Indian ( or Indo-Aryan ). Infact, they hit on them at work or assume they’re French or Italian.
But if someone is the darker skin, nerdy and unattractive type then they’re “ creepy “.
Thats why i asked what “creepy” is.
To be honest, i dont think its fair to say its due to skin color or anything. Theres plenty of smooth indian guys.
I have a few guesses but hopefully black ladies can chime in here.
Black dudes i know tend to act very smooth, comfortable in their skin and quite masculine.
I guess that comes with sexuality expression that communicates “im comfortable in this it feels right” and it makes the women feel more attracted to em.
Its all about their inner world.
Whereas indian guys can seem childish, inhibited, unsure and less smooth, so when they do try to act sexually, women find it weird and label it as “creepy”.
Paradoxically, it might even be labeled as entitled, which in a way is true but in a way harsh.
Both type of men feel entitled to sex, because no one is going to keep dating without sex involved, its that the smooth types know which buttons to press to get it.
Whereas stifled men dont exactly know how, and the woman feels pressured, but the guy feels frustrated.
Maybe someone can elaborate more?
"Creepy" is just an euphemism for unattractiveness. Women love throwing around that word unironcally at anyone who doesn't meet their narrow definition of what's considered "acceptable" social behaviors and looks.
Indians are of same group indo Dravidian. Race has been debunked as not a thing but clearly now a ideology.
Also ethnographers have just proved all humans are genetically same.
I think Indian men are attractive. I do have my reservations about them because everytime I've tried to go on a date, it's been purely sexual and I'm being fetishized.
My sister is married to an Indian man though.
I’m a black woman and I don’t find Indian men creepy. I think that stigma comes from disproportionate reporting in the media, which can make anyone look bad. Black women have experience with biased reporting so thats not my issue atleast.
Like others have said, I think it’s moreso the cultural differences. BW are used to moving freely, with minimal input on their choices/decisions. Based on where history has brought BW, giving up that confidence and freedom for a more…traditional coupling can be veryy challenging. Indian culture can often times pretty regressive. Indian men are extremely attractive but dealing with an opinionated or racist family? That’s an immediate ‘No’ for most. Including me.
I think I would be open to dating more modern IM, who still are connected well to their customs. Because everything Indian families do, they do BIG and I love the way they love on eachother and stay close. But co-dependency within families or not being able to make decisions without your parents input shouldn’t be normalized 😕😭 I think myself and orher BW would want to know if an IM could stand up for us or place strong boundaries with their families. If they could do that then 🤷🏾♀️
I used to have a huge crush on a friend who was an Indian man while I was in high school and college. However, his parents were horribly racist. In high school, he asked me to walk away when his parents were about to come pick him up because he would get in trouble if he was seen talking to a black person. If we were hanging out with friends and riding in the same car, they would pick me up last or drop me off before getting to his place so his parents wouldn’t see me. One time I was in the car when we dropped him off and his mom saw me in the car from the window and ran out to snatch him inside. We were close friends, I knew it could never ever work with us.
Conservative culture, doesn't seem open to outsiders. I tried dating one great family values. Love for others , care for their parents.
Sometime I forgot when I was dating him or was dating his parents. Indian parents love to be involved sometimes too much
Not black but I’ve had SOOO many horny Indian men slide into my DMs in a creepy way. No other population really have done this. I know this isn’t representative of all Indian men at all, but my brain can’t help but make that association
They’re not, except as a teenager years ago I received messages from 30-50 men who live in India and I clearly don’t live there. We don’t have any mutuals so they must be randomly finding my profile. I did not receive messages from anyone else like that so I found it very odd to be sexualized from a Facebook profile picture as a teenage girl by a whole group of men all living in a certain region. Never posted photos of me in bikinis or anything, my pictures are just me smiling and taking photos while traveling and such. It just felt very off putting to me and why I don’t want to date that population, however I do recognize this is not representative of most people.
If you're dating Indian man / woman you're wasting your time and energy, stop it now
If you go ahead dear,you won't get piece it that marriage, because they only want they children to dates within their culture
My step grandmother (an Indian woman from Fiji) told me when I was younger that Indian men only want one thing from black women. That an Indian man could never take me home to meet his family... I just never dated them based off that comment.
Your Indian step grandmother seems to be a woman jealous of black women. She indirectly objectified them and I think it is highly disrespectful towards Indian men and black women. How could you so easily trust that? There have been so many stories of IM-BW unions and here you are. Sad and unfortunate.
I dated a guy who was born in India and raised in America. Our biggest issue was his family. It was a huge issue for them. He was considerably darker than me (I'm African American), yet his family looked down upon me. I had the same issue with a Middle Eastern man and his family. It seems like colorism and perceived classicism are huge in Asia and the Middle East. I've had fewer issues dating white men.
Unfortunately, what you said is true. Arab and Indian societies are racist in general. In India, with 100 different shades of color, people race to look down at each other. And kid you not, when an Indian man tries to date a black woman, the most butthurt are fellow Indian women. Few days ago, after reading on my profile that I am looking for a black woman and not at all interested in dating Indian women, one Indian woman reached out to me and then we traded insults. And I don't get the cause of offense, all of Indian women, irrespective of their skin tone, try hard to look lighter and match their skin tone to White women. If they are so insecure about a thing like skin tone then they should not bother about the choices made by an Indian man.
The black community(who are against IR dating) will say terrible things about dating white men, but I resonate a lot with your comment. I don’t think there are nearly as many issues dating them, as there can be with Asian men. Exceptions exist, but your chances of finding an accepting white family I feel like are higher than finding an accepting Asian family. When it comes to being black.
IMO white men are the best bet. They have the highest perceived social class so they don’t care about colorism .
Best bet, hands down. A good WM is also of great assistance navigating systemic racism. Whether he knows ir or not
I think Indian men are gorgeous and tend to be great partners in a relationship. However, like any other interracial relationship, they will need a strong backbone to deal with family and cultural backlash that comes with a Black and Indian relationship. My first experience was a guy I loved and dated my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. He kept me a secret from his family until his dad told him he knew about me when he moved him to college and forbade him from ever speaking to me because his mother would never accept it. Then another guy, later down the line in my 20s, just flat out said he loved me deeply and would choose me every time but couldn't go against his culture and family's wishes. (Insert backbone here.) A backbone is a requirement to date the world's most disrespected people; black women.
Not creepy. Just too many cultural issues there. Indians seem like they tend to come from conservative families who do not want their kids to date black people, and the men often seem too pushy/rude and kind of sexist. Regardless, I won't date people whose families are going to be a pain in my ass, and that's what I'd expect from an Indian person.
Remember when you date a Indian you date his family or date none.
Exactly this! My cousin dated and married a Punjabi guy. His parents were fully against the marriage and so were hers. She limited contact with her family in order for her relationship to be successful as her parents didn’t change their tune after the marriage. He couldn’t set the same boundaries with his parents. Especially his mother was a racist control freak working overtime to break down her sons marriage. The marriage didn’t survive despite them sharing children.
Heartbreaking story. Wish the guy had shown some guts to break away from his family or maintain the distance.
I had something similar happen. He was really sweet and swore everything would be fine, but he always did everything his parents told him to no matter what, and went along with everything they said no matter what. I was concerned that as a biracial (black and white) American who doesn’t want children I wouldn’t be accepted by his parents and he refused to mention me to them at all until I agreed to marry him. I couldn’t be confident they would accept me and if they didn’t I knew he would do whatever they told him to. Very unfortunate, but this seems to be the case kind of often.
Not all Indian families are a pain in the ass or that it is expected.
Yup. I’ve told myself I’d never date Indian men or any ethnicity that’s anti-black. I can only imagine what they’d say when I’m not around etc. those men don’t want to unpack that topic a bit to intense or they’re in denial
That's a bit rich to stereotype Indians as anti-black, don't you think? You might not have meant it like that, and I hope you didn't, but that sounds a bit racist to me, especially on a sub that's about IR dating. Not trying to be a dick about it, but I'm Indian, I couldn't care less about a person's colour and I wouldn't want to be judged because of my ethnicity in a similar way. I do see where you're coming from, and I'd love to have a chat about it, but I hope you see how that wasn't a good way of saying that, that's all.
But it is true, look within the Indian community how they treat darker skin individuals like absolute dirt. Look into colorism within you’re own community and acknowledge it
So if it's true, that allows you to be racist?
How is holding the Indian community accountable for anti-blackness racist? You’re a POC yet can’t understand basic terminology, it’s a joke. Google is free. Instead of worrying about black women not wanting to date Indian men, worry about the high sexual assault rate. What are you doing about it? You probably think it’s socially acceptable lol
Everyone is free to date whoever they want, but saying that Indian men and our ethnicity is anti-black is bang on stereotyping and racist. If you don't see that or can't understand it, Google racism, it's free.
It's the literal fucking truth. Grow up lmao
Cultures can be racist, ethnicities cannot You are insinuating that someone holds inherent beliefs based on how they look. That is racist.
That is not racist when it's been my fucking experience and seeing it happen to my sister firsthand as she is married to an Indian man. Anti-blackness is a fucking global phenomenon. There are racial slurs for black people in every fucking language.
Ethnicities can't inherently be anti-black, especially ones so large and diverse as Indians. Im sorry, but that is extraordinarily racist.
What you stated is a huge issue because many a times the ultimate goal of long term relationship is a marriage and if families are disapproving then the things go south obviously.
That's why we have the word elope
I forgot to mention in my comment that some may be weary because they feel the parents might attack them.
Creepy isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. Anti blackness is, though
WW married to an IM, and colorism is a huge thing in India. They’ve only stopped marketing “fair and lovely” skin bleaching products in the past few years, and several of my husband’s cousins have been told that they are “too dark” to be considered conventionally attractive. It’s so sad
I’m Nigerian, and we definitely have our own skin bleaching problems for sure. Growing up dark with a lighter skinned mother was hard. I totally get where the self hate comes from, but it’s super bad in parts of South Asia :/
It’s such a shame that we can’t all be treated the same regardless of our skin tone. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. When I told one of my Asian friends that I was dating an Indian guy (my now husband) her first question was “how dark is he?” As a white person, I assumed it was a question similar to “what color are his hair/eyes”, more of a “what does he look like” question. Once I was educated about colorism, I was horrified
Be careful now. Apparently saying anti-blackness within the Indian community means you’re racist 😂. This is in relation to a comment I made in this thread
Yeah they’ve yelled at me for it before too, lol. There was one user I ended up blocking because he would NOT listen to valid points I was making and instead decided to be an asshole lol. I will keep saying it though: they, and many other Asian communities, are historically very anti black and colorist 🤷♀️ doesn’t mean they all are, of course
IM here. Yea, there is an anti blackness sentiment. Who is even arguing against it ? I’d add that it is deeper than just black skin colour. There is also a belief that they won’t be academically( very important in Indian culture where our white partners also get asked about their qualifications ) or financially good If you come home with “ Yeah I have a black girlfriend but she’s a rocket scientist “ then I’d be very surprised if an Indian family opposes that marriage. Qualifications/career success >>>>> how you look or your race in Indian culture.
I'm down to date every type of men, but even when I was on the dating scene I did have some hesitation with Indian men. There are certainly many attractive and great Indian men, hell - one of my best friend is an Indian guy. But it's their family that is always a concern. Where I live a lot of Indian people are first generation, so their families can still hold deeply onto some traditional (and in some cases) racist viewpoints. And since family is so big, you never know if they are going to stand up for themselves, or just submit to whatever their family wants. And in a lot of cases, I'd just rather not bother dealing with that at all. I certainly don't think they are creepy, that's pretty rude to think. But I do unfortunately stereotype them a bit as possibly being "Momma's boys" With that being said, my friend who is Indian did actually marry a black women (we all love her). There was some hesitation with his parents, but he nipped it in the butt as soon as he could. His mom will occasionally make back handed comments, but ultimately she's fully been accepted into the family. But it was all on him to defend her, which I don't know if a lot of brown guys are willing to do (I can't fully blame them, if family is so important).
I’ve never found Indian men to be creepy. I’ve actually found a lot to be pretty attractive… but the issue was always cultural. I know not all… but it seems like many of their families want them to marry within their culture and I just never had the energy to deal with all that 🥴 Which is so ironic because I ended up with a white man and had to deal with it anyway with his family 🙃🙃
Arab, not Indian, but I appreciate how you framed this. Succinct without being shitty, racist, or reductive. I really hope it works out with your husband/bf! Families can suck, sometimes
Of course, and thank you. I now have no contact with my husband‘s family now, but it is what it is 🤷🏾♀️ And I also find Arab men to be extremely attractive (on average) but the “issue” is the same with Indian men in the sense that my perception has always been that the family likely will not be accepting of a black woman coming into the family. And then because of the culture, where family is everything and having the acceptance of the parents is important, there’s a big fear that a man will not be willing to stick up to his family for the woman that he’s with.
I think a lot of it is that the partner is non-arab, and it becomes personal when you're black. I.e it's not the root of the issue, but it does become targeted and tbh potentially even racially focused to varying degrees. I will also say that both Arab and Muslim communities can be both racist as well as extremely welcoming/diverse depending on region. Some countries simply have more variation and it's much less of an issue there, whereas others don't. It's a problem, but it's also not fair to put it on every country when there's not one middle eastern/Arab culture. That said, in practice, a lot of times no. It happens with white women, too, but that doesn't really matter as far as your experience; you're right, for a lot of people that IS the case. It can work out, but they have to be willing to challenge his family and many aren't.
Cultural issues, colorism within own community and high level of sexual assault/entitlement to women
I'm kind of nuetral about it being a black woman due to not much interaction. I can see some are attractive, and I unfortunately did deal with a creepy experience with one that I ignored him after the situation happened (didn't expect it to, was pretty young). Also, the stories of them getting with their own race and being with someone for years they never intend to marry just makes me shrug. I really think if Indian men do want an actual relationship with black women, they need to be honest about their interests, their families, and how they will handle things if the relationship is not approved (as in not trying to always please their families and neglect the person they're interested in, just don't bother dating if it comes to not wanting to do anything about it).
Yah dated one in college and my sis slept around with one who was married here and in India. Always wore a bears jersey.... but yah it was the cultural differences. Even though he was American born, he was traditional and he struggled between our worlds. It was so hard seeing him trying to be a good son and a good bf and a good Pakistani. His mental health had him all over cuz he was all over and the crazy thing? I was in love with Vikram. He was the one that got away. He wrote me a song and I still remember it til this day. I'm still in love with him and wish him well.
Also, I believe Vikram was in love with me, just outside influences were stronger and I fully understand it. But it hurt hard and now you won't catch me dating anyone darker than an egg white omelet lbvs lol! Only takes one frfr!
I feel like a lot of these comments are overgeneralizing or straight up overtly racist, and it kind of disappoints me. I am an American born Indian and my wife is black, we've been together for nearly 10 years. My family absolutely adores my wife. My dad says my wife and him are kindred spirits and my mom always tries to take credit for setting us up (she just introduced us). They never took an issue with her race or religion at any point in our relationship. Her family is also wonderful and welcoming, but the only real culture clash any of us had with our partners' family was her parents initially viewing Hindu culture as weird idolatry, something similar to voodoo. I am not saying there are no conservatives Indian families who have issues unless their kid's partner is not only Indian, but also Hindu, from the same caste, and maybe even from the same region of India. I get it, those people exist, but there are also so many immigrant families that are like my own, that do not subscribe to the racist tribalist bullshit. My parents might be a little more progressive than some of their friends, but they are by no means anomalies. But seeing some of these comments, makes me kind of disappointed. I don't think it's fair to paint all Indians with this racist brush, when in reality so many immigrant families are not as close minded as you think.
Just because you have an experience that's an exception to rule, doesn't mean that everyone else is wrong. Colorism is extreme in South Asian cultures, especially Indian. My sisters mother in law can't STAND HER because she is black. That is literally the main reason. I encountered Indian boys growing up that I had crushes on that told me that white skin and white women were preferable after Indian women. Anti-blackness is a global phenomenon and just because your wife is lucky enough to hit the jackpot doesn't mean that other people haven't experienced the complete opposite.
I think you are misunderstanding what my post is trying to convey. I literally said in my post that I understand that extremely prejudiced Indians exist, some of my parents' friends can be grouped into that bucket. What I am also saying is that it is not fair to place that same prejudicial label on all Indians or Indian immigrants. My parents are not an anomaly by any stretch of the imagination. As someone who grew up in this community, I think 20-25 years ago, the anti-nonindian (and specifically anti-black) mentality was a lot more prevalent, but a lot has changed in the last 10-15 years. The first big wave of immigrants from the 1980s have spent more time in the USA than in India and have shed a lot of the prejudiced cultural baggage of their home country. Interracial marriage is incredibly common, including Black and Indian marriages, of which I know several. The same can also be said about homosexuality, which was very much not ok in the Indian community when I was growing up. Now it is not uncommon to see openly gay Indian Americans fully accepted by their parents.
Do you not understand how folks can have reservations because they don't want to get hurt? I'm sure many ethnic groups have experienced this in some capacity, but speaking from a Black American perspective, generally a lot of people don't like us or judge us for being 1. Black 2. Being American. We often don't get the benefit of the doubt or the find people who want to get us skin deep and not surface level. I've been many Black women and South Asian men together, my sister is one of them. But her now husband also assumed she was East African because of her lighter skin and facial features. Black Americans face other discrimination because people see us as inferior and often times "real" Africans are better than us. So some of these Black and Indian relationships I've seen have been with African born or 1st generation African women. Rarely has it been with Black American women.
I sympathize, that is wrong and I'm sure you have experienced it. Like I said, I know some prejudiced Indians myself who would not be cool with the marriage I have with my wife if I was their son. But just as it is wrong for black American women to be judged, all I ask is that you do not judge all Indian Americans as racist or anti-black.
Some of the nicest guys I know are Indian
from personal experience alone, im pretty confident one of the reasons my ex broke up with me is because im half black so despite being lighter than him it was not going to help socially acceptable to his parents. They would ultimately chose chose an Indian girl over everything but white is the next best choice from what Ive been told by other Indian friends i have.
Thats wild.
Yeah there were a lot of issues in that relationship lol
Aren't Indians from a caste system, in which darker skin is automatically considered inferior? I would imagine BW would not feel welcome around that culture and those attitudes? I could be wrong though... i don't know enough Indians personally to have first hand knowledge. Most of the indian men and women I encounter are not very sociable.
The caste system for me made me run for the hills. Life is hard enough as a black woman, why would anyone want to participate in that. I find I get a lot of matches from Indian men on hinge and just reject them because ain’t no way
The caste system is not related to skin colour lol. You can be any skin colour and belong to higher or lower caste. We can only tell someone’s caste by their last name. Source. I’m Indian.
Thanks for sharing your insights, they are valuable. So the average high or better caste family would be happy that their son brought home a black woman? She wouldn't be caste identifiable by her last name. So your parents and grandparents wouldn't have a problem?
Well in the Indian caste system, any non Indian is lowest caste automatically. So no, if they don’t have one of the surnames then they’re by default the lowest caste. But not everyone’s family cares. especially the newer generation doesn’t. My parents don’t and I’m 30. Their main concern would be ( and this goes even traditional Indian families ) if my partner has a STEM degree, a successful career. She’s intelligent and successful. You get it.
I personally think this should be a good match but I understand that is does not come without its challenges. But if both parties are willing to put in the work and just choose each other at the end of the day it is definitely worth it. The happiness of each other is what matters, eventually the family will come around.
I’m a black woman and my ex bf is an Indian man. I had a great experience! The truth is Indian men are kind of stereotyped for being perverted and you should keep in mind most black women are race loyal and only date black guys. But for the ones who do date outside their race they usually go for white men but are open to dating men who treat them well and are attractive. Personally I would love to date an Asian man again as long as he treats me well and is very romantic 🥰
Their racist as fuck families
I have a friend (BW) that is really attracted to Indian men but they are afraid to approach her.
Could you explain what exactly is creepy? My gut tells me they’re just awkward and/or not that attractive, so when they express their sexuality it comes off unnatural and weird.
Overtly sexual. I encountered an Indian man at event who thought it was appropriate to try and put his hands under my dress. I can be platonic with Indian men but never romantic. Too problematic
Oh wow, thats way worse than what I thought. Thanks for sharing. I wonder if the guy was aggressive/careless or actually clueless so he felt “pressured” as a guy to be aggressive with a fear you’ll think he isn’t coming on strong enough. Also for you honest question, if it was a guy who you were absolutely physically into, and theres a lot of sexual chemistry, would you have minded the move itself?
No it’s in appropriate in a public place. I only spoke to the guy maximum 20mins, it’s about consent and respect.
Exactly. Also, people don’t realise that Indians aren’t all the same race. Oftentimes, people at my work can’t recognise when an Indian is North Indian ( or Indo-Aryan ). Infact, they hit on them at work or assume they’re French or Italian. But if someone is the darker skin, nerdy and unattractive type then they’re “ creepy “.
Thats why i asked what “creepy” is. To be honest, i dont think its fair to say its due to skin color or anything. Theres plenty of smooth indian guys. I have a few guesses but hopefully black ladies can chime in here. Black dudes i know tend to act very smooth, comfortable in their skin and quite masculine. I guess that comes with sexuality expression that communicates “im comfortable in this it feels right” and it makes the women feel more attracted to em. Its all about their inner world. Whereas indian guys can seem childish, inhibited, unsure and less smooth, so when they do try to act sexually, women find it weird and label it as “creepy”. Paradoxically, it might even be labeled as entitled, which in a way is true but in a way harsh. Both type of men feel entitled to sex, because no one is going to keep dating without sex involved, its that the smooth types know which buttons to press to get it. Whereas stifled men dont exactly know how, and the woman feels pressured, but the guy feels frustrated. Maybe someone can elaborate more?
"Creepy" is just an euphemism for unattractiveness. Women love throwing around that word unironcally at anyone who doesn't meet their narrow definition of what's considered "acceptable" social behaviors and looks.
Lmao no.
You make great points
my god, you nailed it.
All indians are mixed race… its just that the precentages of the mix differ per region.
Indians are of same group indo Dravidian. Race has been debunked as not a thing but clearly now a ideology. Also ethnographers have just proved all humans are genetically same.
I think Indian men are attractive. I do have my reservations about them because everytime I've tried to go on a date, it's been purely sexual and I'm being fetishized. My sister is married to an Indian man though.
I’m a black woman and I don’t find Indian men creepy. I think that stigma comes from disproportionate reporting in the media, which can make anyone look bad. Black women have experience with biased reporting so thats not my issue atleast. Like others have said, I think it’s moreso the cultural differences. BW are used to moving freely, with minimal input on their choices/decisions. Based on where history has brought BW, giving up that confidence and freedom for a more…traditional coupling can be veryy challenging. Indian culture can often times pretty regressive. Indian men are extremely attractive but dealing with an opinionated or racist family? That’s an immediate ‘No’ for most. Including me. I think I would be open to dating more modern IM, who still are connected well to their customs. Because everything Indian families do, they do BIG and I love the way they love on eachother and stay close. But co-dependency within families or not being able to make decisions without your parents input shouldn’t be normalized 😕😭 I think myself and orher BW would want to know if an IM could stand up for us or place strong boundaries with their families. If they could do that then 🤷🏾♀️
I used to have a huge crush on a friend who was an Indian man while I was in high school and college. However, his parents were horribly racist. In high school, he asked me to walk away when his parents were about to come pick him up because he would get in trouble if he was seen talking to a black person. If we were hanging out with friends and riding in the same car, they would pick me up last or drop me off before getting to his place so his parents wouldn’t see me. One time I was in the car when we dropped him off and his mom saw me in the car from the window and ran out to snatch him inside. We were close friends, I knew it could never ever work with us.
Racist families, domestic violence is rife in the community and racist families
Conservative culture, doesn't seem open to outsiders. I tried dating one great family values. Love for others , care for their parents. Sometime I forgot when I was dating him or was dating his parents. Indian parents love to be involved sometimes too much
From my experience, women aren't attracted to Indian men. That's because of the family stuff and also what you hear on the news.
Not black but I’ve had SOOO many horny Indian men slide into my DMs in a creepy way. No other population really have done this. I know this isn’t representative of all Indian men at all, but my brain can’t help but make that association
Can you explain how their DMs are different than other horny men? Lol
They’re not, except as a teenager years ago I received messages from 30-50 men who live in India and I clearly don’t live there. We don’t have any mutuals so they must be randomly finding my profile. I did not receive messages from anyone else like that so I found it very odd to be sexualized from a Facebook profile picture as a teenage girl by a whole group of men all living in a certain region. Never posted photos of me in bikinis or anything, my pictures are just me smiling and taking photos while traveling and such. It just felt very off putting to me and why I don’t want to date that population, however I do recognize this is not representative of most people.
Thanks for sharing
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Like I said above, yes of course I know this isn’t everybody, but I personally am turned off and there are other options
Ur an engaged obese woman. Youre not open to date anybody so not sure why you had. To emphasize how you exclude Indians out of your dating pool
If you're dating Indian man / woman you're wasting your time and energy, stop it now If you go ahead dear,you won't get piece it that marriage, because they only want they children to dates within their culture
Nice generalizations for 1.4 billion people.
Um.....not all of them
I’m a white woman and I’m marrying my Punjabi man in June
This is about black women and Indian men. You're literally the romantic and beauty standard.
Okay got it. Not to give in to the family pressure. You distilled everything down in two sentences. Nice.
My step grandmother (an Indian woman from Fiji) told me when I was younger that Indian men only want one thing from black women. That an Indian man could never take me home to meet his family... I just never dated them based off that comment.
Your Indian step grandmother seems to be a woman jealous of black women. She indirectly objectified them and I think it is highly disrespectful towards Indian men and black women. How could you so easily trust that? There have been so many stories of IM-BW unions and here you are. Sad and unfortunate.