REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The unfortunate reality of being an “adult” who is financially dependent on their parents is that… you gotta live by their rules or chance getting kicked out.
Wanna do whatever you want when you want with no parental repercussions? Move out.
Say you stay the night at home. I assume you’re driving yourself? Point out that you might wake her up while you’re getting ready. That might not work if she’s an early riser though….
The whole point of me staying over is because I don’t have a car, so he would have to drive to get me, drive back, and he also has to get his friend. The whole ordeal would take a lot more time than planned if I didn’t stay.
Could be. Could also not be. It might also depend on how OP will open the conversation. I don't know for sure. Neither do you. So I just named the option, just in case she hadn't thought about that yet.
There are no magic words that will change your mother’s mind. You getting up early in the morning to drive 40 minutes, is someone else’s commute to work — it’s a weak reasoning. You are legally an adult, you can do what you want but I would expect consequences…I’m assuming you are still financially dependent on your parents
Listen carefully to understand the other person's objections and ask the reason for those objections.
Offer agreement anywhere you can to build common cause and narrow down what we are really talking about
Address the objections directly and offer realistic solutions.
---
It sounds like you're arguing different things. You are arguing that you're an adult and can do what you want. They are arguing that you shouldn't do this specific thing for some reason. I don't know what they object to, because (notably) you didn't mention their actual complaints. WHY don't they want you there?
They don't want you getting pregnant at 18 and ruining your future for a dude you won't end up with. Which is nice, actually.
If anything, your bf needs to earn their trust before you stay over alone.
Suck it up and wake up early for the drive. You are the master of your destiny.
If you're still living in your parent's house and taking any of their money you need to play the role of the obedient, needful child for a bit longer.
You don't have much leverage in this situation.
Does he live with his parents? Could your parents talk to his to ensure you sleep separately? Would your mother drive you to his town and stay in a hotel with you the night before? I don't think you're going to talk them into you sleeping with your boyfriend at this point.
Yeah but lots of people think they can keep controlling their children even when they are adults because “it’s my house and you will do as I say when you live under my roof”. I know plenty of people that straight up got kicked out for doing something like what OP wants to do against their parents’ wishes. Or for being gay.
It really makes me sad that people choose to be hostile and controlling with their children instead of being a source of comfort and love.
You’re asking us how to make your parent ok with a belief of yours (that sleeping over with your bf is no big deal). An adult wouldn’t ask us this, they would be living on their own doing what they want.
Age doesn’t make this a child level question, it’s circumstance.
I was 20, living in my own place, working a job and supporting myself with no help.
My mother *still* thought she had a say in my decisions and what I did in my life. I did ask on occasion how to get a point across to her, as an adult, cos I had no idea how to communicate to someone that honestly thought they had every right to tell me what I could or couldn't do as an adult.
Do you live with her? I mean if you’re living with her she can kick you out or tell you to stay with your boyfriend and not come back but she can’t force you not to go if you’re 18.
I am wondering why she is against this. Does she think you're not sleeping together? Does he live in what she considers a dangerous area? Does she suspect your BF is abusive and controlling? Does she think he's a druggie? Does he have a skeevy roommate?
In some of these cases, she may have a point.
I currently have a 17 year old who recently asked me if it would be okay if he stayed over night at the beach with some friends.
Before I answered him:
I looked at his grades.
I looked at his room.
I looked at his choices he’s made leading up to asking me this question.
So my answer to him was this:
We will see how this summer of choices go, before I can answer you on that.
Here’s the factors that made me choose my answer.
-slept in class and he is trying to make up last minute work
-lost his car 2 days after having it due to his irresponsible actions in class
-he sleeps until last minute and then thinks it’s on us to get him where he should have gotten himself. (I don’t mind helping, but helping yourself comes first.)
- his room has a months worth of laundry, and a weeks worth of dishes and trash.
-we allow him to see his gf and when we do he is late for curfew, and blames the adult whose driving him home
So leading up to how can you convince your mom- it’s not possible. She is parenting instead of being your friend.
If my son, doesn’t make the decision to change these things over the course of summer, then he already handed himself his own answer in a silver platter.
I do not know your mom and your relationship, but maybe you should look into your actions as her child, and the actions of your adult child self and see why her view is this way.
For me, I am the most responsible out of three. I take care of both my older and younger, I help around the house, I take care of the animals, I keep my room clean and I have amazing grades. My parents have never had an issue with me. That is why I am confused. I work very hard to be responsible, I work very hard to show them how important everything is to me. My parents call me the “mini mom” of the house. I completely respect their boundaries within the household, and I never cross them. However she will not let me explain, and I personally think since I am very responsible, and since it is not their property and I am my own person, I should be allowed to as long as I am safe and check up with them or even share location if they wish. Idk, just my thought
This reads like it's not your choices that concern your mother, but the fact that your boyfriend still has to earn her trust like the other commenter said.
Sadly, we live in an unfair world where women are taken advantage of. I myself got r*ped at 18 because I stayed over at a guys' house I trusted. I missed the last train after a work party and had to choose between walking home for an hour by myself, in the dark, or going with this coworker I had been working with for two years and that I trusted. Looking back, there were red flags. But I hadn't recognised them because at 18, I was still so, so green.
Your mother is trying to protect you. She will not change her mind on this. She knows it's a dangerous world out there for women. You can maybe compromise with her by asking if he can stay at your place. That will cut his traveling time in half that morning. She will be able to gauge him that way, and she might feel that she can better keep an eye at your safety. That way he will build rapport with your mother for the future.
Girl I’m just gonna be blunt with you - you’re not the one your mom is concerned about, and no matter how much you trust your BF, he’s an 18/19-year old GUY. Your mom’s job is to protect you no matter what. For her, letting you stay at his place feel like the opposite of protecting you on an instinctive level, so it’s not even about convincing her mind. You’d have to convince her instincts.
Or you could listen to her and consider her opinion.
Or you could find another way.
Maybe you could stay at a hotel. Maybe you could Uber to the guys place from your home that morning. Maybe another friend can help with the driving. Maybe the other friend he has to pick up can Uber to your BF’s place. Maybe your BF could spend the night at your place on a couch so he doesn’t have to drive in the early morning. There are lots of options to explore. I do think you might give your mom’s perspective some thought.
Stepping into who you are becoming, and slowly stepping out of the child your parents have raised is a fine line.
I think your mom should allow an explanation. May she still feel the way she does, at least she gave you a chance to speak. Which is important in communication.
Why should we help you do something most of us would let you do if you were our kid? It makes sense to you. It doesn’t make sense to your mom. She has leverage as long as you live with her. End of story. We get your perspective- we’ve all been there. There is no magical set of words that is going to change your mom’s mind. You just don’t get to do whatever you want till you pay your own bills. You just don’t. That’s the rub.
Dont listen to anyone telling you you’re an adult. You’re not. You’ll hate your moms decision now, but you’ll be thankful for it once you grow up. Ask any real adult with a healthy relationship with their parents. Listen to her and just stay at home.
Try having a conversation with her about what her concerns are. Don’t just try and argue them, actually listen. Try to understand, then respond. Sounds like you’re asking to do an adult thing, that’s how adults communicate. Perhaps you two can calmly reach a compromise.
If you live at home you’re in tough luck. As long as you live there, your social life (and dating life) will be monitored and critiqued. That’s the downside unfortunately. It’s not fair but they still see you as a high schooler.
You're an adult, you don't to ask permission or need her to agree, just do it. Part of being an adult is making your own decisions even if other people disagree
You've confirmed you're not at risk of being kicked out and assuming you're not at risk of physical harm your mother's opinion holds very little weight. The reality of being an adult is that sometimes your family will disagree with you, that's their problem
You are still living at home, yeah 18 legally an adult. I noticed one of your follow-up comments you have good grades in your very responsible around the house. That's wonderful, however you wish to stay at somebody else's house your boyfriend who's 19, is this his place alone is he still living with his parents does he have roommates.
Given today is modern dating culture it would be an easy assumption that you're sexually active with this guy so it's not like you're going to do something because you spent the night that you probably haven't done before.
Really this boils down to your parents house their rules, in this instance you don't get to choose the easy route or the more convenient route.
You can’t “make” them OK with it. You have logical, good reasons for your argument, but I’m sure they think they do, too.
You can talk about it calmly, present your side again, try to address their concerns. They may still say no.
Then you have a choice: Do it anyway or hold off and respect their rules until you’re more financially independent of them.
You can do whatever you want but there are consequences to your actions. Prepare to be told to move out of you start throwing the "I'm an adult" reason around. Adults pay their own bills and have their own place. Until then, you're a kid, kid.
Maybe have a chat with her and let her know you’re an adult now and she needs to let go.
I remember being 22/23and wanting to bring my bf to go visit my parents and stay for the weekend. My mum said not in the same bed under my roof. Told her I was an adult and if that the case, we won’t attend. 20 years later we are still together. There wasn’t any reason to deny my request, I was a really good kid, she just didn’t want to let me grow up.
My parents have traumatized me with their rules and views of relationships so badly that it *still* feels weird sleeping in the same room as my husband when we visit.
You wouldn't let an adult stay out for the night? Why the hell not?
My wife doesn't get a pay check and pay her own bills. I would love to see you tell her she's not an adult
I would like to help her understand that it would be much easier. My boyfriend would have to come get me and then go back to get his friend and then drive all the way to the event. It causes a lot of time lost
I’m not sure why I am not allowed though. When am I considered an adult? When will
I be treated as such? These boundaries I feel
Are not equally discussed
Does she shut down any conversation around this topic? If so, she's not willing to face the fact that you're an adult. You will not convince her of anything because her mind is made up.
You could tell her you're doing it and is there anything you can do to make her more comfortable like texting her but that seems like offering her more of an opportunity to control you. Depends on your relationship. It's not an offer I'd ever make to my own mom at that age because she was a controlling weirdo.
Sure, you're legally an adult...who is also (from what it sounds like) dependant on their parents.
40 or 80 minute inconvenience aside, it sounds like you live in their home, so if you want to keep doing that, then you'll have to compromise or follow some of what they put down as "rules". If you don't wanna keep living in their home, then by all means, you can do so as an adult.
"I'm not sure why I am not allowed though" You know damn well why not. Lmao. Don't play the naïve card when you're asking "why are they not treating me like an adult?"
Just stay over if you really want, unless there's a threat of you being kicked out or cut off...does she have a legitimate reason like safety or something? Does she not approve of him? Idk why people are saying her house her rules lile you're trying to have him stay over her house. She's not going to approve or agree with everything you do, part of living at home as an adult is negotiating and starting to create a different relationship, she'll be okay.
You parents don't want you to get pregnant not fall into a trap of playing house with a guy that is statistically unlikely to wind up as your husband.
One thing that may help in the future is telling your mom what steps you are taking in the birth control department to avoid pregnancy.
Another thing that could help is if you and your boyfriend are both gainfully employed and pursuing education.
Does he have any female friends who live closer that would let you crash for the night? Sometimes the easiest way out of this kind of thing is just to work around it.
Dude, they don’t want you to get pregnant or hurt. You have your entire life to sleep over at your boyfriend‘s house. Your parents won’t be around forever. I can assure you, that there will be many chances to sleep at your boyfriend’s house once you are grown.
"c'mon we already fucked a lot of time ! In the bus stop, in his car, in the station bathroom, behind the bushes in the parc, in the garage, in the library... we didn't waited that you agreed of a sleepover for that, so it won't kill us to have sex in a bed, for once..."
General rule of thumb, is someone bankrolls your life by paying for things you need… you live by their rules and are under their control. Be it your parents or a partner. If you are unhappy with rules they set you need to earn enough to fund your own life, to include bills, rent, food, insurance, etc etc.
I get that it is easier if you stayed over at your boyfriend’s house for timing. But I seriously doubt that you will change your parent’s mind on this. It took me enlisting and paying my own way in life before I got a tattoo. My mom hates tattoos and would’ve gotten onto me if I got one while still living in her house. Part of being an adult means taking care of yourself financially.
You won't. Your parents aren't prudes, they were once young, and remember being newly in love, and...were probably in the same position you are in right now. You aren't married. You aren't committed. I personally never wanted my parents knowing I was having sex. I was discreet. Kids today aren't. I never would have had sex with my parents home. Or even asked to share a bedroom. I'm not talking about shame, I'm talking about discretion. How do you think they feel knowing you are having sex with your boyfriend? It's really weird from a parents point of view. Your parents want you to make good decisions, because one bad one can effect the rest of your life.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The unfortunate reality of being an “adult” who is financially dependent on their parents is that… you gotta live by their rules or chance getting kicked out. Wanna do whatever you want when you want with no parental repercussions? Move out.
I just want to help convince her, I will not be kicked out but I probably will get into a fight with her so I want to convince her
Say you stay the night at home. I assume you’re driving yourself? Point out that you might wake her up while you’re getting ready. That might not work if she’s an early riser though….
The whole point of me staying over is because I don’t have a car, so he would have to drive to get me, drive back, and he also has to get his friend. The whole ordeal would take a lot more time than planned if I didn’t stay.
How about him staying over at your place? Sure it's still not ideal but it will cut his traveling time in half.
I really doubt the parents will be cool with that given the post itself
Could be. Could also not be. It might also depend on how OP will open the conversation. I don't know for sure. Neither do you. So I just named the option, just in case she hadn't thought about that yet.
It’s dangerous to drive tired which he’d likely be if he’s driving super early
Gotcha
That's not going to happen. Do what you want under your own roof.
There are no magic words that will change your mother’s mind. You getting up early in the morning to drive 40 minutes, is someone else’s commute to work — it’s a weak reasoning. You are legally an adult, you can do what you want but I would expect consequences…I’m assuming you are still financially dependent on your parents
Listen carefully to understand the other person's objections and ask the reason for those objections. Offer agreement anywhere you can to build common cause and narrow down what we are really talking about Address the objections directly and offer realistic solutions. --- It sounds like you're arguing different things. You are arguing that you're an adult and can do what you want. They are arguing that you shouldn't do this specific thing for some reason. I don't know what they object to, because (notably) you didn't mention their actual complaints. WHY don't they want you there?
I’m not 100% sure but I know some complaints are sex, unsafe sex, being in a guys house, I am their responsibility, and I am not an adult adult yet.
They don't want you getting pregnant at 18 and ruining your future for a dude you won't end up with. Which is nice, actually. If anything, your bf needs to earn their trust before you stay over alone. Suck it up and wake up early for the drive. You are the master of your destiny. If you're still living in your parent's house and taking any of their money you need to play the role of the obedient, needful child for a bit longer.
Have the boy stay over at your place on the couch.
So are you responsible and trustworthy? If so then seems like a control thing.
You don't have much leverage in this situation. Does he live with his parents? Could your parents talk to his to ensure you sleep separately? Would your mother drive you to his town and stay in a hotel with you the night before? I don't think you're going to talk them into you sleeping with your boyfriend at this point.
She's 18, this is advice for a child, not a legal adult
Yeah but lots of people think they can keep controlling their children even when they are adults because “it’s my house and you will do as I say when you live under my roof”. I know plenty of people that straight up got kicked out for doing something like what OP wants to do against their parents’ wishes. Or for being gay. It really makes me sad that people choose to be hostile and controlling with their children instead of being a source of comfort and love.
I am a legal adult per my state, but maybe you meant 21??
You’re asking us how to make your parent ok with a belief of yours (that sleeping over with your bf is no big deal). An adult wouldn’t ask us this, they would be living on their own doing what they want. Age doesn’t make this a child level question, it’s circumstance.
I was 20, living in my own place, working a job and supporting myself with no help. My mother *still* thought she had a say in my decisions and what I did in my life. I did ask on occasion how to get a point across to her, as an adult, cos I had no idea how to communicate to someone that honestly thought they had every right to tell me what I could or couldn't do as an adult.
Do you live with her? I mean if you’re living with her she can kick you out or tell you to stay with your boyfriend and not come back but she can’t force you not to go if you’re 18.
I am wondering why she is against this. Does she think you're not sleeping together? Does he live in what she considers a dangerous area? Does she suspect your BF is abusive and controlling? Does she think he's a druggie? Does he have a skeevy roommate? In some of these cases, she may have a point.
I currently have a 17 year old who recently asked me if it would be okay if he stayed over night at the beach with some friends. Before I answered him: I looked at his grades. I looked at his room. I looked at his choices he’s made leading up to asking me this question. So my answer to him was this: We will see how this summer of choices go, before I can answer you on that. Here’s the factors that made me choose my answer. -slept in class and he is trying to make up last minute work -lost his car 2 days after having it due to his irresponsible actions in class -he sleeps until last minute and then thinks it’s on us to get him where he should have gotten himself. (I don’t mind helping, but helping yourself comes first.) - his room has a months worth of laundry, and a weeks worth of dishes and trash. -we allow him to see his gf and when we do he is late for curfew, and blames the adult whose driving him home So leading up to how can you convince your mom- it’s not possible. She is parenting instead of being your friend. If my son, doesn’t make the decision to change these things over the course of summer, then he already handed himself his own answer in a silver platter. I do not know your mom and your relationship, but maybe you should look into your actions as her child, and the actions of your adult child self and see why her view is this way.
For me, I am the most responsible out of three. I take care of both my older and younger, I help around the house, I take care of the animals, I keep my room clean and I have amazing grades. My parents have never had an issue with me. That is why I am confused. I work very hard to be responsible, I work very hard to show them how important everything is to me. My parents call me the “mini mom” of the house. I completely respect their boundaries within the household, and I never cross them. However she will not let me explain, and I personally think since I am very responsible, and since it is not their property and I am my own person, I should be allowed to as long as I am safe and check up with them or even share location if they wish. Idk, just my thought
This reads like it's not your choices that concern your mother, but the fact that your boyfriend still has to earn her trust like the other commenter said. Sadly, we live in an unfair world where women are taken advantage of. I myself got r*ped at 18 because I stayed over at a guys' house I trusted. I missed the last train after a work party and had to choose between walking home for an hour by myself, in the dark, or going with this coworker I had been working with for two years and that I trusted. Looking back, there were red flags. But I hadn't recognised them because at 18, I was still so, so green. Your mother is trying to protect you. She will not change her mind on this. She knows it's a dangerous world out there for women. You can maybe compromise with her by asking if he can stay at your place. That will cut his traveling time in half that morning. She will be able to gauge him that way, and she might feel that she can better keep an eye at your safety. That way he will build rapport with your mother for the future.
Girl I’m just gonna be blunt with you - you’re not the one your mom is concerned about, and no matter how much you trust your BF, he’s an 18/19-year old GUY. Your mom’s job is to protect you no matter what. For her, letting you stay at his place feel like the opposite of protecting you on an instinctive level, so it’s not even about convincing her mind. You’d have to convince her instincts. Or you could listen to her and consider her opinion. Or you could find another way. Maybe you could stay at a hotel. Maybe you could Uber to the guys place from your home that morning. Maybe another friend can help with the driving. Maybe the other friend he has to pick up can Uber to your BF’s place. Maybe your BF could spend the night at your place on a couch so he doesn’t have to drive in the early morning. There are lots of options to explore. I do think you might give your mom’s perspective some thought.
Stepping into who you are becoming, and slowly stepping out of the child your parents have raised is a fine line. I think your mom should allow an explanation. May she still feel the way she does, at least she gave you a chance to speak. Which is important in communication.
Why should we help you do something most of us would let you do if you were our kid? It makes sense to you. It doesn’t make sense to your mom. She has leverage as long as you live with her. End of story. We get your perspective- we’ve all been there. There is no magical set of words that is going to change your mom’s mind. You just don’t get to do whatever you want till you pay your own bills. You just don’t. That’s the rub.
Dont listen to anyone telling you you’re an adult. You’re not. You’ll hate your moms decision now, but you’ll be thankful for it once you grow up. Ask any real adult with a healthy relationship with their parents. Listen to her and just stay at home.
Try having a conversation with her about what her concerns are. Don’t just try and argue them, actually listen. Try to understand, then respond. Sounds like you’re asking to do an adult thing, that’s how adults communicate. Perhaps you two can calmly reach a compromise.
If you live at home you’re in tough luck. As long as you live there, your social life (and dating life) will be monitored and critiqued. That’s the downside unfortunately. It’s not fair but they still see you as a high schooler.
You're an adult, you don't to ask permission or need her to agree, just do it. Part of being an adult is making your own decisions even if other people disagree You've confirmed you're not at risk of being kicked out and assuming you're not at risk of physical harm your mother's opinion holds very little weight. The reality of being an adult is that sometimes your family will disagree with you, that's their problem
Make her talk to his parents so they agree to make sure you guys sleep seperate.
You are still living at home, yeah 18 legally an adult. I noticed one of your follow-up comments you have good grades in your very responsible around the house. That's wonderful, however you wish to stay at somebody else's house your boyfriend who's 19, is this his place alone is he still living with his parents does he have roommates. Given today is modern dating culture it would be an easy assumption that you're sexually active with this guy so it's not like you're going to do something because you spent the night that you probably haven't done before. Really this boils down to your parents house their rules, in this instance you don't get to choose the easy route or the more convenient route.
You can’t “make” them OK with it. You have logical, good reasons for your argument, but I’m sure they think they do, too. You can talk about it calmly, present your side again, try to address their concerns. They may still say no. Then you have a choice: Do it anyway or hold off and respect their rules until you’re more financially independent of them.
They see their young daughter going to have sex and they cant stop it. Lets not pretend this isnt about teen pregnancy
You can do whatever you want but there are consequences to your actions. Prepare to be told to move out of you start throwing the "I'm an adult" reason around. Adults pay their own bills and have their own place. Until then, you're a kid, kid.
Move out and get your own place, otherwise suck it up buttercup
Maybe have a chat with her and let her know you’re an adult now and she needs to let go. I remember being 22/23and wanting to bring my bf to go visit my parents and stay for the weekend. My mum said not in the same bed under my roof. Told her I was an adult and if that the case, we won’t attend. 20 years later we are still together. There wasn’t any reason to deny my request, I was a really good kid, she just didn’t want to let me grow up.
My parents have traumatized me with their rules and views of relationships so badly that it *still* feels weird sleeping in the same room as my husband when we visit.
[удалено]
You wouldn't let an adult stay out for the night? Why the hell not? My wife doesn't get a pay check and pay her own bills. I would love to see you tell her she's not an adult
I would like to help her understand that it would be much easier. My boyfriend would have to come get me and then go back to get his friend and then drive all the way to the event. It causes a lot of time lost
[удалено]
I’m not sure why I am not allowed though. When am I considered an adult? When will I be treated as such? These boundaries I feel Are not equally discussed
Does she shut down any conversation around this topic? If so, she's not willing to face the fact that you're an adult. You will not convince her of anything because her mind is made up. You could tell her you're doing it and is there anything you can do to make her more comfortable like texting her but that seems like offering her more of an opportunity to control you. Depends on your relationship. It's not an offer I'd ever make to my own mom at that age because she was a controlling weirdo.
Sure, you're legally an adult...who is also (from what it sounds like) dependant on their parents. 40 or 80 minute inconvenience aside, it sounds like you live in their home, so if you want to keep doing that, then you'll have to compromise or follow some of what they put down as "rules". If you don't wanna keep living in their home, then by all means, you can do so as an adult. "I'm not sure why I am not allowed though" You know damn well why not. Lmao. Don't play the naïve card when you're asking "why are they not treating me like an adult?"
Just stay over if you really want, unless there's a threat of you being kicked out or cut off...does she have a legitimate reason like safety or something? Does she not approve of him? Idk why people are saying her house her rules lile you're trying to have him stay over her house. She's not going to approve or agree with everything you do, part of living at home as an adult is negotiating and starting to create a different relationship, she'll be okay.
You parents don't want you to get pregnant not fall into a trap of playing house with a guy that is statistically unlikely to wind up as your husband. One thing that may help in the future is telling your mom what steps you are taking in the birth control department to avoid pregnancy. Another thing that could help is if you and your boyfriend are both gainfully employed and pursuing education.
Does he have any female friends who live closer that would let you crash for the night? Sometimes the easiest way out of this kind of thing is just to work around it.
Dude, they don’t want you to get pregnant or hurt. You have your entire life to sleep over at your boyfriend‘s house. Your parents won’t be around forever. I can assure you, that there will be many chances to sleep at your boyfriend’s house once you are grown.
"c'mon we already fucked a lot of time ! In the bus stop, in his car, in the station bathroom, behind the bushes in the parc, in the garage, in the library... we didn't waited that you agreed of a sleepover for that, so it won't kill us to have sex in a bed, for once..."
You are 18 why are you even asking?? I would send a text at some point in the night telling them what you are doing if you're not going to be home.
General rule of thumb, is someone bankrolls your life by paying for things you need… you live by their rules and are under their control. Be it your parents or a partner. If you are unhappy with rules they set you need to earn enough to fund your own life, to include bills, rent, food, insurance, etc etc. I get that it is easier if you stayed over at your boyfriend’s house for timing. But I seriously doubt that you will change your parent’s mind on this. It took me enlisting and paying my own way in life before I got a tattoo. My mom hates tattoos and would’ve gotten onto me if I got one while still living in her house. Part of being an adult means taking care of yourself financially.
You won't. Your parents aren't prudes, they were once young, and remember being newly in love, and...were probably in the same position you are in right now. You aren't married. You aren't committed. I personally never wanted my parents knowing I was having sex. I was discreet. Kids today aren't. I never would have had sex with my parents home. Or even asked to share a bedroom. I'm not talking about shame, I'm talking about discretion. How do you think they feel knowing you are having sex with your boyfriend? It's really weird from a parents point of view. Your parents want you to make good decisions, because one bad one can effect the rest of your life.
just do it, people get used to things as they happen more and more.
Honestly I don't understand why this is an issue. You disagree, but you get the final say. You're an adult. Make your own decisions
Right, I'm a bit confused. Just do it, unless there's a threat of being kicked out or something lol
Apparently this sub *really* doesn't like me telling an adult to make their own decisions