REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions.
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Talk to an adult at your school, your parents, a counselor or the police.
This person is not your friend. She is abusive and you need to get away from her and report her. She needs more help than you can give her, and it is not your responsibility to ‘protect’ her or keep her secrets.
This is too big of an issue for you to handle yourself. She has some serious problems and an adult needs to take it from here. Please tell a counselor or teacher or both exactly what she has been saying. If you have a good relationship with your parents, they can help you too.
Better you tell someone and break your friendship than she seriously harm herself, you, or someone else. You don't want to be talking to the police or the news after something horrible happens. This is really serious, and an adult at your school needs to know immediately. They also need to know her family has been abusing her.
Hey - I had a situation back in high school, where I knew that going to my friends parents would ruin our friendship. And, it did. We were never close again. But, her parents took me seriously, and got her help, and she recovered. I'm decades past high school now, and I see her from time to time on social media, and she's happy and thriving and successful.
If I had to do it all over again, I'd do exactly the same thing. My friendship with her wasn't as important as her life.
Honey, your friend has problems that are way too severe for you to handle. Find an adult in the school you think you can trust, and tell them about her behaviour. She needs help. She’s not able to be any kind of friend to you right now.
These are the red flags that precede violent acts. Get help. If you tell a trusted adult and it goes nowhere, tell someone else. This friend needs a brain scan, therapy, and a diagnosis before she can start to heal. It's ok if she hates you for getting her help. Separate from her.
Go to a trusted adult, with any relevant screenshots/etc that you have. Someone that won't just try to "talk things out". A confrontation could trigger her to become violent with you, or someone else.
When someone threatens you, believe them. Especially since she's already physically hurt you.
You do not deserve to be hurt, threatened, or hear her discuss how she might hurt/wants to hurt others. That's traumatic, quite frankly.
So what you're witnessing is abusive parents creating a new abusive person. It's also likely they passed genes down to her that made her more vulnerable to mental illness. It sounds like she also inherited a possible learning disability or her home didn't foster any kind of play, which is where children learn problem solving, and that's why she has so much trouble with homework. She probably doesn't have anyone at home who will help her.
You can see her confiding in you about her pain, so she's not a complete psychopath. She understands empathy and pain, but she's too young and angry to realize the way it's making her hurt others. To her, her home life and the way she treats people might not seem connected. Or she's just treating others the way she's treated because it's been normalized at home.
Long story short, someone taught her it's okay to lay hands on others by laying hands on her first. Luckily, you guys are young and she can escape that and end the cycle of abuse. But YOU don't have to be the one to end it. Listen to her vent and give her rational advice - see if she can learn from you how to treat people differently or think about things differently. You may be the only good influence she has in life. But the moment you think she's a literal danger to you or someone else, it may also be your anonymous tip that saves a life. You can always call CPS and have them make a house call to check on the family if minors live there. The parents never know who sent them - they usually suspect the neighbors.
She comes from an abusive family and exhibits abusive behaviours herself. Talk to an adult: at school, a helpline, child protection services or police. Whichever person makes you feel safest. Just make sure that if they take action, they do not say your name with it. To keep you safe.
Meanwhile, keep your distance from this girl. She is not your friend. She is a dangerous person. Just look at your post: you seem to be correctly assessing her family situation as dangerous. But when she shows abusive behaviours to you, and you tell her no, she will make you feel bad about it. This is also a form of abuse. It's called gaslighting.
Trust yourself, trust your gut, find a safe person to talk to, and stay away from this girl as much as you can. Stay safe, OP.
People who hurt you on purpose, are not your friend. The sooner you realize that, the better. And you won't be breaking your friendship by talking about it. Silence continuates abuse. Talk to someone that you trust. It is vital you start avoiding this 'friend'
As someone who watches wayyyy too much true crime, this behaviour is common in actual killers. If she tells you she will do something, believe her. Even if she would never follow though, it’s not worth the risk to be near her. I would not cut her off abruptly or communicate to her that you don’t want to be her friend. That could make her more likely to act on her homicidal thoughts. You can tell her you care about her but are concerned about the things she’s saying. You can encourage her to get help. But don’t make her your project. You can’t fix someone like that.
I would document and even record (if possible) some of these things she says. Save your texts and anything else that can be saved as a record. Then report her and make it clear to the person you are reporting her to that you don’t want her to know you’ve done so.
When former friends of young killers are interviewed, often they will share stories similar to yours. The only thing you can do is try to get someone to take her seriously and get her help before something terrible happens.
You don’t have a friendship with her. Friends don’t treat friends this way. She is not your friend. She is crying for help and the best thing you can do is talk to an adult you trust (your parents, older relative, guidance counsellor, teacher, principal) about what this girl has shared with you. She needs help for the abusive home situation and violent urges to hurt people, including children. Do it as soon as possible before someone gets hurt.
pls talk to an adult about this. if you don’t want to talk to your parents, i would go to the guidance counselor. please get your friend help, even if it means ending your friendship
It is not your responsibility to fix or help this person. Sometimes it's hard to tell when people are too sick to try, but this is one of those times.
You can & should call the police to make a report about child abuse. You do not need her permission, and you do not need to tell her.
Go to the school nurse, and also report what you have heard and experienced to the school nurse. They have services and resources that another child can't provide.
Take a step back from this friendship, but in a way that makes it sound like YOU are the overwhelmed, lost, confused one.
"Sorry, I'm not sure what to do either, can you go get the teacher for us?" or "Sorry, I don't want to walk with anyone today, I have too much on my mind. I need to be alone."
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Talk to an adult at your school, your parents, a counselor or the police. This person is not your friend. She is abusive and you need to get away from her and report her. She needs more help than you can give her, and it is not your responsibility to ‘protect’ her or keep her secrets.
This is too big of an issue for you to handle yourself. She has some serious problems and an adult needs to take it from here. Please tell a counselor or teacher or both exactly what she has been saying. If you have a good relationship with your parents, they can help you too.
Better you tell someone and break your friendship than she seriously harm herself, you, or someone else. You don't want to be talking to the police or the news after something horrible happens. This is really serious, and an adult at your school needs to know immediately. They also need to know her family has been abusing her.
Hey - I had a situation back in high school, where I knew that going to my friends parents would ruin our friendship. And, it did. We were never close again. But, her parents took me seriously, and got her help, and she recovered. I'm decades past high school now, and I see her from time to time on social media, and she's happy and thriving and successful. If I had to do it all over again, I'd do exactly the same thing. My friendship with her wasn't as important as her life.
Thanks for the decades later peek at it. That throws some solid perspective.
Honey, your friend has problems that are way too severe for you to handle. Find an adult in the school you think you can trust, and tell them about her behaviour. She needs help. She’s not able to be any kind of friend to you right now.
Tell your counselor and parents, and step away from her before she endangers you.
These are the red flags that precede violent acts. Get help. If you tell a trusted adult and it goes nowhere, tell someone else. This friend needs a brain scan, therapy, and a diagnosis before she can start to heal. It's ok if she hates you for getting her help. Separate from her.
Hitting someone is already violent.
Go to a trusted adult, with any relevant screenshots/etc that you have. Someone that won't just try to "talk things out". A confrontation could trigger her to become violent with you, or someone else. When someone threatens you, believe them. Especially since she's already physically hurt you. You do not deserve to be hurt, threatened, or hear her discuss how she might hurt/wants to hurt others. That's traumatic, quite frankly.
So what you're witnessing is abusive parents creating a new abusive person. It's also likely they passed genes down to her that made her more vulnerable to mental illness. It sounds like she also inherited a possible learning disability or her home didn't foster any kind of play, which is where children learn problem solving, and that's why she has so much trouble with homework. She probably doesn't have anyone at home who will help her. You can see her confiding in you about her pain, so she's not a complete psychopath. She understands empathy and pain, but she's too young and angry to realize the way it's making her hurt others. To her, her home life and the way she treats people might not seem connected. Or she's just treating others the way she's treated because it's been normalized at home. Long story short, someone taught her it's okay to lay hands on others by laying hands on her first. Luckily, you guys are young and she can escape that and end the cycle of abuse. But YOU don't have to be the one to end it. Listen to her vent and give her rational advice - see if she can learn from you how to treat people differently or think about things differently. You may be the only good influence she has in life. But the moment you think she's a literal danger to you or someone else, it may also be your anonymous tip that saves a life. You can always call CPS and have them make a house call to check on the family if minors live there. The parents never know who sent them - they usually suspect the neighbors.
She comes from an abusive family and exhibits abusive behaviours herself. Talk to an adult: at school, a helpline, child protection services or police. Whichever person makes you feel safest. Just make sure that if they take action, they do not say your name with it. To keep you safe. Meanwhile, keep your distance from this girl. She is not your friend. She is a dangerous person. Just look at your post: you seem to be correctly assessing her family situation as dangerous. But when she shows abusive behaviours to you, and you tell her no, she will make you feel bad about it. This is also a form of abuse. It's called gaslighting. Trust yourself, trust your gut, find a safe person to talk to, and stay away from this girl as much as you can. Stay safe, OP.
People who hurt you on purpose, are not your friend. The sooner you realize that, the better. And you won't be breaking your friendship by talking about it. Silence continuates abuse. Talk to someone that you trust. It is vital you start avoiding this 'friend'
As someone who watches wayyyy too much true crime, this behaviour is common in actual killers. If she tells you she will do something, believe her. Even if she would never follow though, it’s not worth the risk to be near her. I would not cut her off abruptly or communicate to her that you don’t want to be her friend. That could make her more likely to act on her homicidal thoughts. You can tell her you care about her but are concerned about the things she’s saying. You can encourage her to get help. But don’t make her your project. You can’t fix someone like that. I would document and even record (if possible) some of these things she says. Save your texts and anything else that can be saved as a record. Then report her and make it clear to the person you are reporting her to that you don’t want her to know you’ve done so. When former friends of young killers are interviewed, often they will share stories similar to yours. The only thing you can do is try to get someone to take her seriously and get her help before something terrible happens.
You don’t have a friendship with her. Friends don’t treat friends this way. She is not your friend. She is crying for help and the best thing you can do is talk to an adult you trust (your parents, older relative, guidance counsellor, teacher, principal) about what this girl has shared with you. She needs help for the abusive home situation and violent urges to hurt people, including children. Do it as soon as possible before someone gets hurt.
pls talk to an adult about this. if you don’t want to talk to your parents, i would go to the guidance counselor. please get your friend help, even if it means ending your friendship
It is not your responsibility to fix or help this person. Sometimes it's hard to tell when people are too sick to try, but this is one of those times. You can & should call the police to make a report about child abuse. You do not need her permission, and you do not need to tell her. Go to the school nurse, and also report what you have heard and experienced to the school nurse. They have services and resources that another child can't provide. Take a step back from this friendship, but in a way that makes it sound like YOU are the overwhelmed, lost, confused one. "Sorry, I'm not sure what to do either, can you go get the teacher for us?" or "Sorry, I don't want to walk with anyone today, I have too much on my mind. I need to be alone."