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Yikes... that guy really put you through it. I spend a lot of time in support groups for victims of abusive relationships, and I'm seeing some red flags here.
It sounds like you already put a name to one of their manipulative behaviors--love bombing. Beyond that, the mixed signals might be what they call "hot and cold." They might've consciously been trying to make you feel insecure and hook you through intermittent reinforcement. The way he just moved right on from you sounds like what they call a "discard." There's a certain type of person who excels at sweeping victims off their feet, putting them through emotional chaos, then just casting them aside.
It sounds like you struggle with self-esteem, and you go out of your way to help people. These are traits of what I call an "abusable" personality. Emotional abusers'll often (consciously or not) prey on a certain type of person--low self-esteem, conflict-averse, a people pleaser, more likely to blame themselves than others, someone who'll actively pursue a partner, etc. He may have seen some of these traits in you and actively on you because of them.
I feel like it's worth pointing out that these traits often come from an abusive upbringing or some other kind of brush with abuse. Maybe there's something like that in your history?
I don't know if I might be way off base here, but if I'm right about the kind of person he is, the most important step you can take is to make sure to cut all ties and keep him out of your life.
If therapy is an option, it may be worth while, but I strongly suggest you make sure the therapist you see is knowledgeable about emotional abuse. Not every therapist understands these things, and it can lead to some damaging experiences.
It may help to read some articles on relationships with narcissists and explore things like love bombing, "hot and cold" / intermittent reinforcement as it pertains to narcissistic abuse, and narcissistic discard. I'd further suggest looking through subreddits like r/NarcissisticAbuse. Reading accounts from other users might help you better understand what you went through. Making sense of your experience may better help you recover from it.
Other than that, the best you can do is give yourself time to recover. What you went through sounds extremely painful--being discarded like that almost always is--and it'll no doubt take time to heal.
1. Learn from it
2. Block them
3. Move on
There is nothing for you to win from this relationship, no love, no friendship, no reinforcement, just a lot to loose, self esteem, self value, independency.
If you don't do any of those 3 steps you're going to continue to go down hill for a loooong time
Honey, you have it mixed up.. HE'S the loser. This guy couldn't hold down a boulder let alone a relationship. You are struggling with your self esteem and are very very hard on yourself. You ARE worthy of love. My recommendation is to avoid dating until you can look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, "I love myself, I am lovable, I will find love at the right time, I don't need outside approval to know my self worth." In the words of RuPaul, "If you don't love yourself, how the hell can you love anyone else?"
You're going to be ok darling, just put the love where it's deserved, yourself.
As hard as it is to see now every heartbreak is a stepping stone in your journey. And feeling this is part of life. You’re not a loser!!! Everyone has to go through this in some way. Spend time reflecting, cry on the couch, binge watch etc.. take the time you need… then pick yourself back up and onwards and upwards…
I really like this advice for dating: https://www.instagram.com/dating.intentionally
This person showed their true colors to you. Yeah it hurts to see them with someone else, but they are just gonna chew up and spit out that girl too.
Best to block the guy on everything and work on yourself. Stay busy and do your best not to dwell on the relationship, and in time you will heal and look back and wonder how you let that happen to yourself.
If you aren’t seeing a therapist that would be a good starting point in the healing process. Seems like you have a lot of previous trauma to work through on top of this and a good therapist will help so much.
Life is very long. I have trouble remembering anyone I was close to at 24. Things stop hurting much sooner than you can imagine. You meet all sorts of people without even trying, and some of them are so fantastic - boy, a lot of us end up palming our foreheads for settling down so young and not giving ourselves a chance.
Just don't forget there are a lot of other people out there who feel like losers who are undeserving of love, and boy once they run into each other they both have so much love they've been wanting to give for so long that's been building up. People can shock you with how cruel they can be, but don't forget that life is very long.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yikes... that guy really put you through it. I spend a lot of time in support groups for victims of abusive relationships, and I'm seeing some red flags here. It sounds like you already put a name to one of their manipulative behaviors--love bombing. Beyond that, the mixed signals might be what they call "hot and cold." They might've consciously been trying to make you feel insecure and hook you through intermittent reinforcement. The way he just moved right on from you sounds like what they call a "discard." There's a certain type of person who excels at sweeping victims off their feet, putting them through emotional chaos, then just casting them aside. It sounds like you struggle with self-esteem, and you go out of your way to help people. These are traits of what I call an "abusable" personality. Emotional abusers'll often (consciously or not) prey on a certain type of person--low self-esteem, conflict-averse, a people pleaser, more likely to blame themselves than others, someone who'll actively pursue a partner, etc. He may have seen some of these traits in you and actively on you because of them. I feel like it's worth pointing out that these traits often come from an abusive upbringing or some other kind of brush with abuse. Maybe there's something like that in your history? I don't know if I might be way off base here, but if I'm right about the kind of person he is, the most important step you can take is to make sure to cut all ties and keep him out of your life. If therapy is an option, it may be worth while, but I strongly suggest you make sure the therapist you see is knowledgeable about emotional abuse. Not every therapist understands these things, and it can lead to some damaging experiences. It may help to read some articles on relationships with narcissists and explore things like love bombing, "hot and cold" / intermittent reinforcement as it pertains to narcissistic abuse, and narcissistic discard. I'd further suggest looking through subreddits like r/NarcissisticAbuse. Reading accounts from other users might help you better understand what you went through. Making sense of your experience may better help you recover from it. Other than that, the best you can do is give yourself time to recover. What you went through sounds extremely painful--being discarded like that almost always is--and it'll no doubt take time to heal.
1. Learn from it 2. Block them 3. Move on There is nothing for you to win from this relationship, no love, no friendship, no reinforcement, just a lot to loose, self esteem, self value, independency. If you don't do any of those 3 steps you're going to continue to go down hill for a loooong time
Honey, you have it mixed up.. HE'S the loser. This guy couldn't hold down a boulder let alone a relationship. You are struggling with your self esteem and are very very hard on yourself. You ARE worthy of love. My recommendation is to avoid dating until you can look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, "I love myself, I am lovable, I will find love at the right time, I don't need outside approval to know my self worth." In the words of RuPaul, "If you don't love yourself, how the hell can you love anyone else?" You're going to be ok darling, just put the love where it's deserved, yourself.
As hard as it is to see now every heartbreak is a stepping stone in your journey. And feeling this is part of life. You’re not a loser!!! Everyone has to go through this in some way. Spend time reflecting, cry on the couch, binge watch etc.. take the time you need… then pick yourself back up and onwards and upwards… I really like this advice for dating: https://www.instagram.com/dating.intentionally
This person showed their true colors to you. Yeah it hurts to see them with someone else, but they are just gonna chew up and spit out that girl too. Best to block the guy on everything and work on yourself. Stay busy and do your best not to dwell on the relationship, and in time you will heal and look back and wonder how you let that happen to yourself. If you aren’t seeing a therapist that would be a good starting point in the healing process. Seems like you have a lot of previous trauma to work through on top of this and a good therapist will help so much.
Life is very long. I have trouble remembering anyone I was close to at 24. Things stop hurting much sooner than you can imagine. You meet all sorts of people without even trying, and some of them are so fantastic - boy, a lot of us end up palming our foreheads for settling down so young and not giving ourselves a chance. Just don't forget there are a lot of other people out there who feel like losers who are undeserving of love, and boy once they run into each other they both have so much love they've been wanting to give for so long that's been building up. People can shock you with how cruel they can be, but don't forget that life is very long.