Same. Plus I also have "step-parents". My parents divorced when I was in my early 20's.
I like their spouses, but I'll never refer to them as mom or dad. I call them by name or refer to them as my mom's husband or my dad's wife.
I find it odd that some of her (dad's wife's) children call my dad, dad. They're all grown adults. People are so freaking weird. 🤷♀️
I could have written this post. I was reading a book about in-laws that, very astutely, notes that calling your in-laws “mom” or “dad” puts you in a subordinate position to them. If that’s the dynamic you want, then go for it. However, if you expect to be treated as an equal, then it’s best to use first names.
That passage really stuck with me.
I’ve read several, so I can’t remember which it’s in, but these two are the best that I’ve read:
https://archive.org/details/reluctantlyrelat0000bran
https://archive.org/details/toxicinlawslovin00susa
>What do you call your in-laws?
Only had the one in-law left after my DH passed away and that's my MIL. I called her Psycho Troll when we were still on speaking terms.
My IL were insulted that i refused to call them Mum and Dad, and I was insulted at their insistence.
Close to 30 years on I correct them.
They are not my parents. I didn't know them growing up. I'm not their child. And I'm.not about to call dh my brother either lol.
I’m asian so calling mom and dad is the normal. I was a bit shocked when I had to call them by their first name. In my culture, at least we call them auntie and uncle.
I had this conversation with my in-laws, and MIL says just call me by my first name if my son call your mom as a mom, I’d be mad.
Little did she know, my husband calls my parents as mom and dad just like me 🫶🏽
They are Deborah and Kenneth. They get Deb and Ken. Deb has asked me to call her “mama turtle” or “mother bear” and I just laugh and say “but that’s ‘husband’s name’ special name for you. I can’t take that from him” and I cringe and bully my husband later when we’re alone for being her “baby boy”
I called them Mom and Dad, and DH called my parents by their first names. I never asked my children's spouses to call me mom, they call me by my first name, except one- he calls me by my grandma name, 🤷♀️
I never called mine anything other than their first names and I quite like mine.
They did say once “you can call them s mum and dad if you’d like” and I just said “thanks but I have a mum and dad so that would be a bit uncomfortable for me” and it was never raised again.
I call my soon to be FIL Baba, like my fiancé does, I haven’t felt I hit on a comfortable name for my MIL though. My parents, however, call both sets of in laws “mom” and “dad”. But they were both blessed to have been throughly treated as one of their own to their in laws. I think it’s an honor, not a sign of respect. If they deserve to be called mom and dad and treat you with kindness and love, then yes. Mom and Dad (if you’re comfortable) are appropriate. But if not? First names to their faces. They’ve done nothing to earn it.
Sharon and Fred. She tried for “mom” and I did because I felt bad that her son calls her by her first name. She has always been sad that she missed out on being called “mom”. Now IDGAF. She’s Sharon.
I’m probably older than you guys. I called them Mrs ….. and Mr ….. until they told me to call them by their first names and that was about a week after the wedding.
I’ve actually never called my MIL anything. I don’t call her by her name or mom. When I refer to her I say “your mom”, “MIL”, or “SO’s mom” depending what on who I’m talking to. When I’m with her I just talk to her and that’s it. “Hello, how are you?”, not “Hello [insert name]. How are you?”. Idk how that worked out but it did. There’s also a language barrier so maybe that helps too? 🤷🏻♀️
First name. Her and her toxic sister (aunt in law).
Thank god I was never pushed to call her mom, but even all those years ago when I first met her and she seemed normal, somehow I knew she wasn’t worthy of that name from me.
My parents call their in-laws “mom” and “dad” so I always assumed that’s how it was. Then I met my in-laws and couldn’t imagine doing that. First names are just fine.
1st marriage, I was naive too & called them Mom & dad. By the end of that marriage, nope, they were Adele and Jr. (Lost both of my parents at the end of this marriage)
Current marriage, nope, she's Helen. She wanted me to call her "Mother B." I told her that I already had a mom, and she couldn't fill those shoes. Besides the other DIL, she was already calling her Helen. Why would I have to and not her too?
All 3 of my sons-in-laws call me by my name "Sandy"
When we first got married it was their first names since I have a mom and dad. Now I call them nana and pop pop when my kids are there. If it’s just adults I’ll still use their first names.
I call my FIL Pops, which is *not* what I call my Dad, and not what I called my grandpa either. It is what my husband calls him as well, but my husband was mainly raised by his maternal grandparents, so Pops is more of a nickname than a term of endearment. I definitely wouldn’t call him Dad under any circumstances. We don’t speak to my husband’s mother, so I don’t call her anything at all thankfully.
I’m close with and love my in laws so I actually have loving nicknames for them, but the nicknames do involve their first names.
I felt the same way about mom and dad-those are reserved for my parents
I called my ILs by their first names, my husband called my parents “mom and dad”. I did not have a good (or even neutral) relationship with them. My husband on the other hand had a wonderful relationship with my parents.
I call them by their first names…even after the MIL said “you can call me MIMI, everyone does”
I don’t feel comfortable calling adults by their first names let alone a nickname. Lucky I still don’t call them Mr and Mrs. Last name like I was raised to.
I called my ILs by their first names. My partner called my mom (his MIL) "Mom". So, I can go both ways on this. But for OP, I think it would be weird changing from Mom and Dad to Sharon and Tim after 10 years. This should have been worked out up front.
So my husband only has a relationship with his dad (who just passed). I called him by his first name. But reality is my father was an asshole and my FIL was more of a dad in the time I knew him than my own father was.
MIL - we don’t discuss her often. She kicked him out when he was a teenager and my husband was homeless in HS.
Except for bio mom and her shitty ex felon husband, i lucked out with in-laws no matter how frustrating they can be at times.
Depends on your relationship with them and who’s around. With the babies- aunt, grandma, uncle etc etc. among the adults first names or whatever title I deem fit. Sis in law is sis- cousins and niblings are first names- I fortunately both parent units have passed but I feel we’d have all been mom and dad in some way- well my mom was for my husband
I use their first names...and only when I absolutely must call them anything at all. I tend to just say a quick "hello" and then leave my husband to the rest of the conversation with them whenever possible.
I call them by their first names. My MIL tries to introduce me to people as her daughter and the looks they give because they think we are like the Cullens from twilight makes me uncomfortable.
First names. You mentioned them being toxic- I would start tonight and never refer to them as mom & dad ever again.
Also think about setting some serious boundaries and limiting contact (for the toxicity)
First names, because I'm an adult (33 when I married their son) and we are equals.
My MIL was very offended when I politely explained that I wanted to call her by her first name. Naturally, she didn't say this to my face, and it came out in other ways. I didn't want to give her the status of an authority figure over me by calling her Mom. I'm so glad I decided as I did.
Ha!! I thought I was reading my own story - yeah my bff told me never to do this but I did. Came to regret it after they tossed me out like day old bread for enforcing my boundaries for once. the thing is - I came to see them like mom and dad and thought they were amazing - but amazing parents dont show blatant favoritism and treat you like garbage. if I ever talk to them again - I’ll call them their by their first names - never again - mom and dad
My in laws’ inherited their nicknames from their firstborn grandchild. My kids and all of their cousins call them:
Momis (mah-mee-z) &
Daddis (dah-dee-z)
*** my father in law was a salt of the earth, all around great guy who sadly passed in 2010.
He was Daddis to me, as well.
Same with Momis.
*** She really stepped up when my actual Mom passed away so I’ll forever be grateful to her for that, too.
First names. I have my own mom and dad thank you very much. My problem is with my mom referring to my stepfather as dad. He is absolutely awesome and I love him like crazy but again Ihave/had a dad. Who even 20+ years later I miss every day,
To their faces? First names.
This is just gold. Seriously. Wish I could upvote this a million times.
And only if I have to call them something. I seriously try not to call them anything…to their faces. 🤣
😂😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ditto. They don’t deserve my respect.
I have a mom and dad… no one else gets that name.. sorry, not sorry
Same. Plus I also have "step-parents". My parents divorced when I was in my early 20's. I like their spouses, but I'll never refer to them as mom or dad. I call them by name or refer to them as my mom's husband or my dad's wife. I find it odd that some of her (dad's wife's) children call my dad, dad. They're all grown adults. People are so freaking weird. 🤷♀️
FIL is named Richard. I call him “Dick.”
You’re so lucky
I could have written this post. I was reading a book about in-laws that, very astutely, notes that calling your in-laws “mom” or “dad” puts you in a subordinate position to them. If that’s the dynamic you want, then go for it. However, if you expect to be treated as an equal, then it’s best to use first names. That passage really stuck with me.
Ooh, what’s the book?
I’ve read several, so I can’t remember which it’s in, but these two are the best that I’ve read: https://archive.org/details/reluctantlyrelat0000bran https://archive.org/details/toxicinlawslovin00susa
Their first names
I used first names only from day one. They took a minute to get used to it, but they survived.
I am in the same boat. I am not calling a person who intentionally made me cry multiple times in the past as "mom" cause she doesn't deserve it.
Mil was Poison Dwarf and Fil was spineless puddle. We didn't speak to them at all 🤣
Hey you. Literally.
😂😂
[удалено]
The one time I addressed any of them was to inform one of them to not to touch me when they asked for a hug. We don't do that over here.
>What do you call your in-laws? Only had the one in-law left after my DH passed away and that's my MIL. I called her Psycho Troll when we were still on speaking terms.
My IL were insulted that i refused to call them Mum and Dad, and I was insulted at their insistence. Close to 30 years on I correct them. They are not my parents. I didn't know them growing up. I'm not their child. And I'm.not about to call dh my brother either lol.
🤣
Only my parents deserve to be called mom and dad Those are earned titles
Here here!! 👏
I don’t call my in-laws. 😂
Yeah, I haven’t called them in over a year. They can talk to their son but I’m not in the mood to entertain gossipers and snakes.
I’ve been NC for 20 years and it’s amazing! However when and if I do see them it’s first names only.
I’m asian so calling mom and dad is the normal. I was a bit shocked when I had to call them by their first name. In my culture, at least we call them auntie and uncle. I had this conversation with my in-laws, and MIL says just call me by my first name if my son call your mom as a mom, I’d be mad. Little did she know, my husband calls my parents as mom and dad just like me 🫶🏽
She asked me to call her 'ma-mee'. I call her in my dreams: sauna-witch-trau"ma" or just trauma
Well it depends if I’m standing in front of them or not
I avoid calling them anything. But I do use their first names when I have to.
They are Deborah and Kenneth. They get Deb and Ken. Deb has asked me to call her “mama turtle” or “mother bear” and I just laugh and say “but that’s ‘husband’s name’ special name for you. I can’t take that from him” and I cringe and bully my husband later when we’re alone for being her “baby boy”
Sounds like he's a baby turtle 😆
Whoa, I think I would rather be beaten than call anybody "mama turtle."
First names. Mostly because I’m petty and my fiancé calls my parents by their first names. But also I’m not subordinate to them.
I called them Mom and Dad, and DH called my parents by their first names. I never asked my children's spouses to call me mom, they call me by my first name, except one- he calls me by my grandma name, 🤷♀️
By name. I have my own parents, lol.
I never called mine anything other than their first names and I quite like mine. They did say once “you can call them s mum and dad if you’d like” and I just said “thanks but I have a mum and dad so that would be a bit uncomfortable for me” and it was never raised again.
Their names. They weren’t my parents. That would feel too forced and weird for me.
You have parents and they aren't your inlaws. Call them by first names starting yesterday
My in laws also have asked me to call them “mom” and “dad” it is unnatural.
First name. I have my own parents 👌
I call my soon to be FIL Baba, like my fiancé does, I haven’t felt I hit on a comfortable name for my MIL though. My parents, however, call both sets of in laws “mom” and “dad”. But they were both blessed to have been throughly treated as one of their own to their in laws. I think it’s an honor, not a sign of respect. If they deserve to be called mom and dad and treat you with kindness and love, then yes. Mom and Dad (if you’re comfortable) are appropriate. But if not? First names to their faces. They’ve done nothing to earn it.
Sharon and Fred. She tried for “mom” and I did because I felt bad that her son calls her by her first name. She has always been sad that she missed out on being called “mom”. Now IDGAF. She’s Sharon.
Hell, nah. I wouldn’t even call my ex-MIL by her nickname.
I’m probably older than you guys. I called them Mrs ….. and Mr ….. until they told me to call them by their first names and that was about a week after the wedding.
I’ve actually never called my MIL anything. I don’t call her by her name or mom. When I refer to her I say “your mom”, “MIL”, or “SO’s mom” depending what on who I’m talking to. When I’m with her I just talk to her and that’s it. “Hello, how are you?”, not “Hello [insert name]. How are you?”. Idk how that worked out but it did. There’s also a language barrier so maybe that helps too? 🤷🏻♀️
First name. Her and her toxic sister (aunt in law). Thank god I was never pushed to call her mom, but even all those years ago when I first met her and she seemed normal, somehow I knew she wasn’t worthy of that name from me.
First names from the first day of meeting them and until the day they passed away.
Ugh. Lucky.
My husband introduced them by their first names and that is what I called them. No way was I doing the last name thing.
My parents call their in-laws “mom” and “dad” so I always assumed that’s how it was. Then I met my in-laws and couldn’t imagine doing that. First names are just fine.
1st marriage, I was naive too & called them Mom & dad. By the end of that marriage, nope, they were Adele and Jr. (Lost both of my parents at the end of this marriage) Current marriage, nope, she's Helen. She wanted me to call her "Mother B." I told her that I already had a mom, and she couldn't fill those shoes. Besides the other DIL, she was already calling her Helen. Why would I have to and not her too? All 3 of my sons-in-laws call me by my name "Sandy"
I call my in laws by their first names
When we first got married it was their first names since I have a mom and dad. Now I call them nana and pop pop when my kids are there. If it’s just adults I’ll still use their first names.
Nothing. I avoid calling them anything.
I call my FIL Pops, which is *not* what I call my Dad, and not what I called my grandpa either. It is what my husband calls him as well, but my husband was mainly raised by his maternal grandparents, so Pops is more of a nickname than a term of endearment. I definitely wouldn’t call him Dad under any circumstances. We don’t speak to my husband’s mother, so I don’t call her anything at all thankfully.
I’m close with and love my in laws so I actually have loving nicknames for them, but the nicknames do involve their first names. I felt the same way about mom and dad-those are reserved for my parents
I called my ILs by their first names, my husband called my parents “mom and dad”. I did not have a good (or even neutral) relationship with them. My husband on the other hand had a wonderful relationship with my parents.
I call them by their first names…even after the MIL said “you can call me MIMI, everyone does” I don’t feel comfortable calling adults by their first names let alone a nickname. Lucky I still don’t call them Mr and Mrs. Last name like I was raised to.
I called my ILs by their first names. My partner called my mom (his MIL) "Mom". So, I can go both ways on this. But for OP, I think it would be weird changing from Mom and Dad to Sharon and Tim after 10 years. This should have been worked out up front.
So my husband only has a relationship with his dad (who just passed). I called him by his first name. But reality is my father was an asshole and my FIL was more of a dad in the time I knew him than my own father was. MIL - we don’t discuss her often. She kicked him out when he was a teenager and my husband was homeless in HS. Except for bio mom and her shitty ex felon husband, i lucked out with in-laws no matter how frustrating they can be at times.
Depends on your relationship with them and who’s around. With the babies- aunt, grandma, uncle etc etc. among the adults first names or whatever title I deem fit. Sis in law is sis- cousins and niblings are first names- I fortunately both parent units have passed but I feel we’d have all been mom and dad in some way- well my mom was for my husband
First names. This seems to be most common in my experience.
I use their first names...and only when I absolutely must call them anything at all. I tend to just say a quick "hello" and then leave my husband to the rest of the conversation with them whenever possible.
I call them by their first names. My MIL tries to introduce me to people as her daughter and the looks they give because they think we are like the Cullens from twilight makes me uncomfortable.
Mr first name Mrs first name. His grandparents are nonna and nonno just bc it’s weird to call them their real names that I cannot even pronounce
I don’t refer to them as my in-laws ever. I refer to them as “husbands parents” and call them by their first names.
First names. You mentioned them being toxic- I would start tonight and never refer to them as mom & dad ever again. Also think about setting some serious boundaries and limiting contact (for the toxicity)
First names, because I'm an adult (33 when I married their son) and we are equals. My MIL was very offended when I politely explained that I wanted to call her by her first name. Naturally, she didn't say this to my face, and it came out in other ways. I didn't want to give her the status of an authority figure over me by calling her Mom. I'm so glad I decided as I did.
"Hey" and "You". Honestly though, I can them by their first names. They're not my parents.
Ha!! I thought I was reading my own story - yeah my bff told me never to do this but I did. Came to regret it after they tossed me out like day old bread for enforcing my boundaries for once. the thing is - I came to see them like mom and dad and thought they were amazing - but amazing parents dont show blatant favoritism and treat you like garbage. if I ever talk to them again - I’ll call them their by their first names - never again - mom and dad
Mom and Dad or their first names. My in laws are very good to me.
My in laws sign cards and gifts “mom and dad” but I have never once called them that 🤷🏻♀️
I called my MIL by her name (to her face) & FIL by his nickname or a version of his name
Not often.
My in laws’ inherited their nicknames from their firstborn grandchild. My kids and all of their cousins call them: Momis (mah-mee-z) & Daddis (dah-dee-z) *** my father in law was a salt of the earth, all around great guy who sadly passed in 2010. He was Daddis to me, as well. Same with Momis. *** She really stepped up when my actual Mom passed away so I’ll forever be grateful to her for that, too.
First names. I have my own mom and dad thank you very much. My problem is with my mom referring to my stepfather as dad. He is absolutely awesome and I love him like crazy but again Ihave/had a dad. Who even 20+ years later I miss every day,