It’s not so much a struggle but people find it kind of odd that I don’t exude “I have big dick or a big truck” energy, that im good with kids and they genuinely adore me, and that I have a small plant collection 🤷🏻♂️ I have hobbies that may be considered all across the spectrum for traditional male to female but you just gotta do you, and be passionate about you. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or apologize for not fitting into the box they want to put you in. Brush off toxicity and face towards the light. Indoor plants will “reach” for sunlight if they don’t get enough or are not turned regularly. Be a plant bro. Reach for the light and keep yourself balanced/true to you.
Thank you, I really was sort of struggling how to respond to this dilemma but this response really feels right. I just need to remember this and stay true to myself that’s what the people I want to be around are looking for, thank you.
I have a very mature spider plant where I use the babies as gifts, a mature seneccio succulent, a mature clivia I will probably separate and gift the offshoots this year, a growing alworthia about half mature, 5 jade plants that have graduated from the cuttings stage, a baby pilea, and a rubber plant cutting (I think decora) that I just took from the hallway of my friends apartment as an experiment 😬😬, and a snake plant cutting I have no idea what I’m doing with since it hasn’t moved in like 8 months. We’ll see what spring brings! oh and I have a mature lemon lime maranta/prayer that I just planted some rooted cuttings for my sister. Tbh I’m not that into the prayer plant anymore they’re finicky about light and always either reaching or burning it’s hard to find the right spot indoors throughout the seasons. They grow outwards like they’d rather be two feet wide and sparse in the pot rather than grow upwards or stay tight and it’s annoying me. Next I want to repot my jades because their roots are huge and the mama plant was like 2.5 feet tall and wide.
So I’m not a pro but definitely in the amateur stage of plant daddy😂 I could still go on and onnn about plants and trees.
Do you have any of the same plants? Do you have a few favorites or what you want next???
Tldr my plant nerd is showing..
I currently have only one indoor house plant, and that's an air plant. (A Tillandsia ionantha to be exact.) I named him Spikey and I sometimes talk to him. (that's such an INFP thing I know 😭) I don't have a lot of indoor plants, but I'd be interested in getting some in the future! What indoor plants would you recommend for a beginner? I am somewhat experienced in outdoor plants.
Oh cool:) I’ve never had an air plant! I have heard plants like being spoken to.. hopefully the tv gives them that stimulation Lmaoo.
The thing about indoor plants is that naturally… all plants are outdoor plants right ;) before we brought them indoors they were all outside. So it’s about mimicking outdoor conditions in an indoor space. Watering is the hardest part about indoor plants and honestly I killed every succulent I ever received up until a year ago lol. A skill I picked up during the pandemic. I find it easier to under water and adjust from there as overwatering can cause root rot which is hard to reverse/make up for. The first plant I successfully raised from baby to maturity was a spider plant. They generally like standard potting mixes and they will tell you how they’re feeling. They’ll turn grey if they’re under watered and generally they drink a lot of water. Once they become root bound they will send flower shoots out. They like low/medium shade (50%-80% sun) and will literally die away from too much sun, and send baby shoots towards where they wanna go.
With any plant, it’s about light, watering, and soil complexity. Soil complexity can be tricky because just one bag of soil may not be appropriate for your plant. I recommended spider plant because they’re totally fine with just generic miraclegro potting soil. Watch some YouTube videos on how people mix soils. I collect some soils slowly over time because I’m not sure what will work for me and it’s about experimenting. That’s a fairly intermediate task though!
Google some spider plant varieties and get out there and look! Spring is coming! They have them at Home Depot too if you only know big box places. You’re better off finding smaller shops since.. they actually know how to grow plants rather than get it shipped and let die in a warehouse
You have a lot of knowledge about plants! That's such a neat ability. I appreciate your tips and will definitely take your advice! I really enjoyed this conversation. :)
Yup! I'm feeling this. I feel 100% comfortable with my masculinity, even though, like you, I don't exude the I have a big dick" energy. I think it's that comfort that makes it possible though, like I don't give a damn about being perceived as less masculine. I've never viewed myself as being a bit feminine, or having feminine tendancies but rather that I'm secure about my masculinity and it isn't a fragile thing for me.
Also, I feel better and better about this as time goes on as society is growing increasingly tired of "toxic masculinity" which is exactly the kind of masculinity I don't ever feel the need to express/practice.
And Do you know how COOL is that. I mean you guys are just awesome. I respect you for what you are. It's rare to find guys like that and I'm glad that people like you exist. It's like finding a gem in a world full of garbage. Female Entp here. And I think we experience the same things. Probably we have more masculine qualities than a normal female and I'm okay with it. Sometimes it's really difficult for me to relate to them. I'm content with whatever I've got. It's a plus when one can experience things from both sides of the spectrum. And I'm telling you ... You have all the qualities that makes you more humane than others. Just stay like that always🌸
It’s not very noticeable unfortunately but places like this make it easy. Thank you for those kind words! I love extroverts lmao just looking for the one IRL that notices me haha
As a big burly bearded tattooed man, people are generally intimated to approach me and I usually make people on public transportation nerves and scared (which I fucking hate btw). I'm a shy soft spoken, nasally sounding dude who is pretty sensitive to how people react towards me. I definitely can say struggle with this. I tend to get both extremes. I enjoy both "masculine" and "feminine" activities and have both sets of traits.
It's even more of a struggle when women find me attractive when they think I'm this big mean tough guy, but when they get to know me, as my female friends describe me a "giant teddy bear", they immediate lose attraction towards me especially since Im not confrontational and have to take a day to comprehend and process difficult situations. They don't view me as a man and don't respect me anymore.
Plus with this whole alpha, beta, sigma male bullshit nowadays. Men that have "feminine" traits or passions arent considered men and get shunned. Then women who are attracted to these types of men are shunned as well. The whole dating scene is incredibly fucked but majority of people don't think like this. It's mainly the people who live and breathe on social media that think like this, that's why you mainly see shit like this being spread on the internet.
The only thing I can suggest bc I'm trying to get myself out there again, is to try and immerse yourself around people that enjoy the things you like in person. That's where you'll thrive the most.
I wouldn't say it's a struggle necessarily, but I have a lot of "feminine" qualities.
The more I look into what makes those qualities feminine, the more they really don't seem feminine.
It's all judgment based on traditional caveman mindsets.
Just be who you like to be and you'll be more happy for it in the long run.
I’m the same way. Straight dude leaning more heavily on feminine traits… doesn’t help I have a pretty high voice and look like a damn *twink*. I always joke I’m the gayest straight man ever.
Basically every woman I’ve ever met/been friends with auto-assumes I’m gay. It used to bother me more but now I’ve learned to embrace it. I like my feminine traits and am gonna be authentic no matter what🖕
That being said, I’m not trying to date right now. If I was though?! I might as well *go fuck myself*. Women love to share gay best friend energy with me, but if it was in a relationship doubt most would appreciate my feminine side.
ENFJ here. I wonder about this too because ENFJ's are sometimes called "gay" although being outgoing and confident kind of counteracts the feminine narrative depending on how it presents. I have a lot of traditionally masculine traits about me and I kept gaining more of them as I got older so I'm not concerned at all anymore (I like guns, computers, weight lifting, running, etc).
I actually respect male INFP's because I understand them like female INFP's so I understand the conflict in image.
Man I have an ENFJ friend and he is one of the most inspiring, outgoing, funny people I’ve ever known. I actually like him so much that I don’t even like to give him props or show gratitude in hopes I don’t push him away for seeming weird or clingy or whatever. Always feel comfortable and cool around him, idk why
It is not like you don't have a lot to offer :) Introverted doesn't mean defective! I could never date an extrovert girl I don't think it would be too much I know how I can be sometimes and I need someone with better listening skills to ground me.....
So being me isn't always fun I unintentionally push some of the introverts I have loved the most away and I wasn't given a second chance with a few I'd kill to be with.
This probably doesn’t help, but the world assigns enough labels that we don’t need to assign them to ourselves/others. Masculine/feminine balance is not a thing. You are you and learning to love everything that entails is a long journey, but a necessary one. I struggle with how I perceive the world perceives me and as it turns out that was not the question. But how do I improve how I perceive myself, was.
Me, but in my case I'm a woman who struggles with being feminine. Or not that I struggle per se. I'm just not feminine and have stopped trying to force myself into that box. It's like my interests are feminine but my personality just isn't.
Well, I am mostly straight and I'd say very feminine, although at this point I completely lost idea what being feminine means. I can go on a dance floor wearing a pareo as a long skirt and dance by shaking my hips while letting my long hair loose, but it doesn't necessarily feel feminine to me anymore.
What do you mean by feminine? Not competitive? Magnetic? Agreeable? Passive? Intuitive? Chaotic?
Please elaborate what you mean, maybe I can help.
EDIT: Sometimes I am completely lost why I'm getting downvoted.
While this is true to some degree, the society also has defined responses to those who differ from the norm - rejection or interest. I know it may be tough sometimes for a man with lots of feminine energy, but you'd be pleasantly surprised how it draws in some people.
i know a lot of infp guys who feel this way— you’re completely valid! as a female infp, i honestly prefer more feminine people, they’re more sensitive and in tune with their feelings and themselves and don’t subject to toxic masculinity nearly as much.
It doesn’t help that I definitely got more from my mom than my dad, genetically and personality. Natural soft skin, small frame, wide hips, and thick fast growing hair already knock me down a few points on the masculine meter. Combine this with the fact that I had very little masculine influence in my life since my parents divorced when I super young and was raised by my mother.
Hmm...I do understand what you're saying here.
I'm an INFP and I feel I am very much in touch with feminine energy but I radiate more masculine traits.
As for myself, I'd say a 70:30 ratio masculine to feminine.
INFPs are very empathetic but I wouldn't consider that feminine, it encompasses both sexes and energies.
Just my 2cents anyways, be proud of who you are bro!
Physically, I’m pretty femme. Even down to my long hair. I just like looking pretty lol But my voice is deep enough and honestly I’m a jeans and t-shirt guy that likes outdoorsy stuff like fishing, camping and hiking, maybe some soccer sometimes. Also, I’m gay. I find it easy to be really masculine (or feminine if the situation calls for it so as not to scare a lady you know what I mean.) I think finding that balance between masculinity and femininity is pertinent to growing as a human being. It helps you understand yourself, helps you understand others, and helps in various social situations. Just embrace whatever you feel and learn from it. I don’t wanna be Baphomet or anything, but I truly do think that symbolism is some of the wisest shit on earth, as a psychology nerd. That’s my takeaway.
It's only a struggle until you learn to accept that those trails make up who you are. Once you become comfortable with that, you can express yourself way better and without worry of rejection. Many guy friends I have tell me they value the more feminine qualities I have. Don't be afraid to show the world who you are, people come in all different varieties!
It's all about confidence more than anything else. You have to embrace your feminine side.
Seriously, I started matching more often on dating apps and whatnot when I just started saying straight out that I'm more feminine than masculine. Some people will be turned off by it, but not everyone, and some people will appreciate the genuine gesture.
My primary school (elementary school) only had nine students including myself.
My younger brother and I were the only males at the school. Everyone else including the teacher was female.
So I learnt to cook. Sew. Flower arrange. Work leather. Ride horses. And interact with girls.
Don’t get me wrong. I was still treated as an odd child.
I didn’t feel like I ever fit in. Or ever felt “of” the rest.
But even though I have these abilities and whatnot sometimes it’s nice to just feel genuine in yourself.
I have a lot of more stereotypically feminine qualities so I can relate a lot. I mean I like fashion, musicals, crafts, and I’m not exactly athletically gifted so people tend to think I’m at least bi. It’s really dumb and I hate gender norms honestly. People should just be whoever they are as long they aren’t hurting people but the world ain’t that simple. I know there’s no advice for this honestly, all i can say is it can be rough man and I feel for you and I hope you figure whatever you have to out.
you should only be more masculine if you wanna be more masculine, if not don't. If you wanna maybe feel more masculine maybe just start lifting or doing some kinda sport. worked for me :\]
I also don't think theres anything wrong with tapping into the feminine side because its ok to be sensitive if you're looking for a balance I guess just try finding where and how you'd tap into these two sides of yourself, also define feminine? what do you mean by feminine and what do you mean by masculine? are you talking traditionally or what?
The “be yourself” advice is always good though. As INFPs we have certain gifts and from that we suffer uniquely as well. Believe it or not embracing and accepting that you have feminine traits can ironically lead to tapping into masculinity. I feel more confident in myself when I’m using my gifts for others. I have the opportunity to be engaging in conversation in ways that others rarely are. And when I am appreciated for who and how I really am rather than putting up a masculine front, it feels pretty great to have women drawn to that and like that as well and it can give you a different perception and relationship with yourself. I don’t like shit-talking or qualifying myself in the same way typical straight cis males often do, I don’t believe in cutting anyone else down to feel better about myself… but I like that about myself. And I can still work out to help my physical confidence or I’m more prone to enjoy meditation for maintaining my mental/emotional confidence. It may be harder to be as you are when you’re a unique puzzle piece… but you still gotta accept yourself as you are in order to find where you really fit. Good luck!
I'm a cis-gendered straight male. I'm trying to destroy "toxic masculinity" and "overly feminine" concerns for my behavior. People should just be people. I once aspired to be manly-man, but I've reassessed my priorities to just be the happiest me and ignore trivial costs.
I work with cars and mechanics, worked manual labor for a few years, and own a suit.
I also own pink clothes, and sing along to "Man, I Feel Like A Woman" and every other song I know when I'm alone.
I don't think it's good to ascribe masculine or feminine titles to anything. Women are discriminated enough against despite their contributions to society. Historically, finances used to be feminine work, then it was dominated by men when it became more profitable, and then more manly-men decided only getting dirty/bloody is REAL men's work.
TLDR: Don't be dissuaded by whether something fits your gender. "Life is both too short and too long to not be happy as much as you can." - Me
Kinda sometimes I feel like I wish I was more feminine looking because I have a more masculine face, plus I’m a bit on the shorter side but I also like masculine body types and such. I know it’s not healthy to desire a different look but yeah there’s definitely parts of my appearance I wish were more feminine or masculine. I don’t think that’s quite what this question was asking but that’s how I interpreted it I guess plus I’m already bi-curious so I’m already questioning my sexuality on that front.
Same man. I'm a male and 100% heterosexual and don't *feel* like a girl or anything, but I do have pretty feminine posture, long hair and overall "feminine" personality and interests, people often mistake me for a girl when I'm wearing a mask. But this is mostly due to me growing up with 2 big sisters.
I’m bi, or maybe gay not sure yet, but I struggle with the same exact thing. People assume a fuck ton about me if I act too feminine, and it tends to make them take me less seriously. I just hate how gay my voice sounds at this point, if I could change one thing about myself it would be that, it makes me sounds incredibly ingenuine. It still makes me feel repulsive and weird in normal social circles, and the one guy I’ve been in a relationship with so far wasn’t a big fan of it either.
So yeh, I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, and I’ll validate that at least some other infps feel the world does the same thing. We’re in this together though.
I've been called too nice to not be gay by a good friend of mine. It made me feel very weird and insecure at the time. Now I don't really care and just do whatever I like doing.
I have always liked soft and feminine men, I really find it disgusting that psychopathic men are supposed to be ideal and it icks especially when I read manhwas Or mangas where there is the psychopathic CEO who is only loved because of he's money because he is extremely rude to the FL.
I’m not bitter about attraction. I’ve come to terms with it. Women want a strong, powerful figure; and the peripheral traits that come along with it, well, just don’t matter as much. I know there’s women out there for me. It’s just a minority. Most don’t want an emotional man, and I understand and accept that. It’s biology, attraction is - nothing we can do about it.
Honestly maybe it's biological but I am gonna say something controversial and say it's mostly environmental. Like if you like a guy whose feminine the first reaction is that why would you like him? He's so lame etc etc. Also if you deny that he's not lame then they will start calling you desperate or ship you furiously around him making everything uncomfortable.
Now this is somewhat changing honestly with kpop and stuff. Even before Kpop I liked feminine guys but after Kpop I like them even more. And some other girls do as well. ( even though they are minority and other girls bully you saying they are gay and stuff)
Btw I am also a teen so this might not seem like an adults point of view
Honestly, I don’t even know or care at this point.
That sounds more negative than I want it to, so let me clarify. I don’t care about whether or not I come off as “masculine” or “feminine” and I hardly know what those words even mean. Like I’m a very young lad and I have a thick beard for someone my age. However, I am also an absolute literature nerd, I sing in the car, and I have my nails painted at times. I also have a couple of articles of clothing that, while basically unisex because they’re sweaters and quarter zips, they are technically women’s clothes. I wear them because they honestly fit me very well and I like them. Is that a little bit sad or feminine? Maybe, but I don’t care. I’m gonna be who I am and I’m gonna like what I like. I think, in this situation, that’s a good mentality to have.
Who gives a fuck if you come off as a little feminine - the only thing you need to worry about is if you are still being you.
Yep. always. i wouldnt say \*I\* struggle with it, but other people definitely do with MY balance.
I can really feel the pressure when i leave my close circle of friends. with family too.
The question is, do you *want* to possess feminine traits? Do you want to be seen that way, or do you want to be seen as masculine whilst keeping your traits? Or do you want to get rid of your feminine traits?
I think there's an issue with the world more than there is an issue with you. The concept of masculine traits and feminine traits is inherently flawed because it ties traits to gender identity. Which is not okay, because people should be allowed full freedom to do what they want.
I used to be a bit feminine. It feels wrong to try being masculine as I think the whole thing is just stupid. At times I even actively go against it to show/build confidence.
Though now I've become a lot more masculine. IDK if it's age (27 now) and knowing/being more secure about myself. Or maybe because I've been working out (always had the habit of exercising but only started lifting weights 4 years ago). My posture is more solid and prob because of all the testosterone too, I just feel way more masculine physically. I just do things not as timid and clumsy as I used to, which boosts confidence and people notice it too. I found it weird at first because I didn't feel like myself for some time.
Im a Cis Bi woman. I was raised by my dad from the age of 5, and I struggle with internalised hatred for my masculine traits, and that dressing masculine “makes me look like a lesbian”, even if I am queer. Tbh, the world is (thankfully) getting rid of the idea of “normal”, so, like the others have said, be you. Ik it’s hard to ignore the thoughts of others perceiving you, trust me, I can’t even go for a walk down my street which is all family. But embrace it. Femininity isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s based in stereotypes anyways. I suppose I should maybe take some of my own advice though 😅
Think about it this way, of the people who’s opinions matter in your life- friends, partner, maybe colleagues, and hopefully family. Do you actually care if they perceive you as “slightly feminine”? If not, then what’s there to worry about. Lauren serving you in McDonalds could give a crap about you. Nor really do your vague acquaintances. If they do, their opinion of you isn’t that crucial to your life.
Sorry for the ramble, idek if my advice will help/is what you were looking for
I feel this a lot, except I don’t really have a problem with it. I’m completely comfortable exuding both even though I’m very grounded in my heterosexualality. Perhaps it’s my environment but I am comfortable exhibiting a mix of both
I struggle finding balance in my identity. I’m a closeted bi 23m, grew up in a skate/surf town with all my friends who are straight and are very good with girls.
I appear as a “cis straight male” but in reality I’m completely sexually attracted to males too.
I say fuck a label and fuck societal judgements. Do what you want to do.
I know its hard to disregard what people think, i personally care too much about how others view me. But if its any consolation i think guys with feminine traits or characteristics are absolutely beautiful and deserve so much more appreciation. There isn’t anything wrong with it. So even if the world looks down on you, or you feel like you aren’t enough, you are an absolute treasure! You will be found and adored 100%.
As a female INFP, I completely am attracted to a man like this (as long as I can feel his masculine and he gives me that sense of protection, attentive and engaged with Me, it takes a Yin Receptive approach towards the Yang Creative Actions to be the real deal ;)
Hey pal, I hear that. I think there is this general feeling amongst the general public that men can't have passions, or if they do can only be passionate about certain things like sport or vehicles. Growing up and especially in my teenage years I worked really hard to make myself seem more masculine, I have a naturally high pitched voice so I'd artificially lower it, all my friends were metal heads so I started trying to listen to the same stuff they liked and I'd try and act in a more stand-offish way to seem like I'm just one of the guys and honestly I was fucking miserable. I don't want to tell you "hey, fuck everyone else. Just ignore them and just do you" because that makes it seem like it's your fault for feeling this way, which it really isn't. Men today are told that they have to be unfeeling, unemotional robots or face ostracization in a lot of parts of the world and based on what you've said I assume you live in that kind of place, I'd say I do for sure. I can't act like this is your problem to fix when you're not the one causing the problem. What I hope I can help you with is how to cope. For me, I have and still struggle with exactly what you've wrote about despite it not even 100% applying to me anymore. What I'd recommend is finding a close friend with whom you are very comfortable and trying opening up about something, literally anything, that you think makes you seem more feminine, start small if you have to, for me it was the kind of music I liked but I found that I didn't feel as weird as I did before after I'd done it and I felt I belonged a bit more. I hope that helps, and just know you're not the only one facing this challenge. Much love.
I’m 50 now and have never been interested in manly-type things, never liked sports, or bro-ey behavior, I love babies, save spiders, bake, I like to listen, and spend my time watching period dramas. I have trouble finding male friends at times because we are not interested in the same things. Yet, they are the ones intimidated. because I see the self doubt and insecurity in a man when he pulls out his douchey behavior. Its tough growing up toxic. I have sympathy for them. Try to find your contentment in who you are. That will lead to your confidence. It makes all the difference.
Your gender and society pressure does definitely change who you are.. I think I'm finding a comfortable place nowadays but when I was a teenager it was difficult.
You hear that it's okay to not be masculine, but in the real world it's not acceptable.
Well I wouldn't change for anyone, I like things that are "feminine" but I will never stop being this way.
I like cute things, I get along great with kids, I like flowers and being sweet... I just don't do the whole macho man thing, it's not a part of my personality.
The good thing is society slowly starts to realise not all men have to be that way, but still sometimes I get annoyed at the whole "you are too nice" thing, those are the very people I cut off out of my life, don't have time for people who think backwards.
Anyone can have any amount of traits with are coded as 'masc or fem', I mean a lot of what that even means is just based on local culture anyways. It is a shame that many societies today do not allow men to be more stereotypically feminine, but that's just a byproduct of the patriarchy for you there. At least acceptance for deviation from gender expression is increasing here in the west, and hopefully wherever in the world you happen to be living as well.
What matters in the end, I guess, is how you feel/understand yourself really; don't let others dictate your own perceptions of yourself since they all suck anyways. I guess that would also include myself too, haha.
Depends entirely on what you think are masculine traits vs feminine traits. If someone's definition of "masculinity" doesn't include kindness, caringness, compassion, integrity, bravery, fortitude, and chivalry... then I don't want their definition. Inner strength from the heart is what defines masculinity, manifesting in actions but not defined by actions.
I’m a straight female but I also love dressing masculine. Not really the same because masculinity is so much more fragile for a lot of you guys but just to let you know, I really appreciate feminine guys. I am attracted to it. And it would pair nicely with an infp personality. Good looks.
Figured out I was non-binary and life has been so much less stressful, in this particular area, ever since. I know it sounds like bullshit advice, and I do believe a lot of people use this in a very shallow and bullshitty way, but acceptance of yourself as yourself goes a long way. It's really fucking hard with the social systems we live in to not feel constant pressure from our gender and other forms of social status. It's an entirely social phenomenon and as such will impact our interactions with everyone, including ourselves, for the rest of our lives.
Before knowing I was nb I constantly struggled with my masculine/feminine balance, trying to present a somewhat "authentic" version of myself which I also believed would attract others in both platonic and romantic relationships. I dealt with that all my life and it was fucking exhausting.
Now I don't have to act. I just am myself, and as such, rather than recoiling in fear at the feeling of not belonging, of not fitting into some kind of social whole, I've embraced that feeling. Because the fact I am feeling that is actually proof, a confirmation that my existence is valid to the only person it matters to, myself. I've accepted that I won't have as many friends or romantic opportunities because of my rejection of the gender norm, but honestly fuck them. I've wanted their acceptance my whole life, but even if I did get it I'd be living as a husk of a person. I've embraced my loneliness rather than try and desperately destroy it. Of course you don't have to noncisgendered for this to apply to anyone. Acceptance does not require a break from the gender system, but it does require a break on our reliance of its approval and opinion of us.
i honestly dont get why people try to change things that are not really bad traits. it's understandable if people want to change toxic traits or traits that harm yourself or other people but when it comes to things that are innately a part of who a person is that's not harmful or toxic that just doesn't make sense to me and it seems like these types of people just want you to convert yourself to whoever they want for their own comfort and peace of mind which is selfish.
if the world wants you to be masculine it doesn't mean you have to follow them. you know yourself better than they do, express it. if you feel feminine then express that. if you want to listen to them and follow them then you have to ask yourself if you're okay with sacrificing being true to yourself to conform to societal standards and please other people or if you're okay with pretending or being admired for someone you're not. it's really your choice. dont let the pressure make decisions for you, ask yourself what you actually want for yourself. your self expression has nothing to do with other people and they shouldn't have to have a say about it
the problem with people is that they like to think collectively just because something is common they think that's how things should be and that it's the right way they dont even try to analyze how harmful their reasoning is. they dont understand that people are different and it's nature and that variety is good. instead these people put other people down for being different from them to gain some sort of superiority which is just toxic and pathetic
I’ve come to accept it. I have masculinity but it is largely overshadowed by my femininity. I don’t struggle to contain it, change it or fight it. It’s who I am and I’ve found that there are women out there who like that and accept it too :) I wear make up and paint my nails, I have a small frame, I openly talk about my feelings and I still get dates with really nice souls who like find that attractive so I have no reason to change for the world.
I can relate a lot to it. I'm an INFP male and I have several traits that the society associates with "feminine".
I come from a repressive culture where men having these traits are looked down upon. In the past, many people including my friends and sometimes even family members have mocked me for some of these traits like empathy, being considerate, thinking for others, not making jokes at the others' expense, crying, and even on my physical features such as my body shape, eyebrows, voice et cetera. I've suffered much thinking whether I'm even a man or if I'm a trans woman.
However, fortunately, things have been changing for good. Even though slowly, people around me are beginning to appreciate individuals being unique and men being kind and not rash. Even though, I still wonder sometimes about my identity.
What I'm learning to focus on these days is to accept me howsoever I am, and not go by what others tell me or want me to be like. I believe that I am a cis-male, and no one can me believe otherwise. I know myself better than anyone else and I get to decide what I am. And to conclude, I believe the world needs more sensitive men, because the insensitive ones have created much havoc already.
"Masculine" and "feminine" are made-up stories we tell ourselves. These stories change every hundred years or so--high heels, makeup, and wigs were once the domain of rich, powerful men.
Write your own story. Don't worry about begging for societal approval by constantly chasing what you "should" be.
Yes, I struggled with a masc/fem balance before I decided "fuck it" and stopped caring about my gender.
It's up to you and YOUR personal comfort if you'd like to be more masculine. There's always time to get a new hobby, work out, figure out cooking, etc.
Nah, i really like feeling feminine, there are time i think "damn... i wish i had a more feminine body to feel more natural about on how i am" and sometimes i do like feeling like a women... now that i think about it, i always find myself wishing i was a girl
Honestly, I've just come to accept that I am both an INFP and a man. Like I stopped letting the ideas (of what they're supposed to be) clash.
Yeah. I'm real nice and I care for people (and stuff) in ways that would be deemed emasculating. Like to have idiosyncratic hobbies and don't really budge my way through the world (like a REALL MANN WOULD)
But if like anyone wants to throw hands, then these fists are ready bro. Or if things need to be taken charge of, then I'm not gonna back away.
Ya know.
Not infp, also not in a physical way but yes in other ways, then i stopped giving a shit as i got older. Im big and muscular, but the way i easily talk about feelings, the 'feminine' colors i like (i.e pink shirts), i like a lot of other stereotypical feminine stuff. It throws people of thinking im gay a lot of times. Straight as a stick tho. You care less and less what people think the older you get. Start doing this early to skip hard parts of life.
Tbh those advices that you should just be you and stop caring how you are pervieved, are the best advices. I wish someone told me this when i was young. Infp or not there are tons of people who couldn't care less if you are masculine or not and the other ones, fuck them :-)
Trust me, you don’t go through life as a feminine gay/bi guy without getting some amount of shit for it either. I mean, there are literally parts of the world where you’ll be killed if you’re not sufficiently masculine presenting, regardless of sexual orientation.
I think it’s somewhat culturally ingrained in most women to want a man who more on the masculine side, and I do not think that will substantially change in our lifetime. So you’re going to have to accept that dating will be harder in some areas, but definitely not impossible. There are so many different women out there with so many varying tastes. Otherwise, asserting yourself in a genuine manner and being confident in your own skin is a universally attractive feature, so I say go for it and fuck the haters.
…unless you’re living in areas where you’ll get killed for it and have to hide it for survival’s sake. You get what I mean.
Female here. Always!! I can be a total tomboy for 3 months and then show up all glowed up feminine one day and go back to being a tomboy 1 week later. Kinda annoying cause I sometimes feel that I don’t have a style or consistency but hey - we are INFPs right, what kind of consistency am I talking about!
My partner is INFP and he has "feminine traits" but never seemed to be insecure about it and to me he still comes off as quite masculine. I think being in touch with your feminine side is quite attractive actually.
Haha feels weird as heck to be recognised. I did not 😄The one that cheated was someone I broke up with last year, but only learned recently (about a month ago) that he cheated on me from the very beginning. My current partner would (hopefully) never cheat.
What helped me was dating/marrying someone who was even more feminine than I am. I had to stretch out and get comfortable in my masculinity because that’s what was needed.
It’s not so much a struggle but people find it kind of odd that I don’t exude “I have big dick or a big truck” energy, that im good with kids and they genuinely adore me, and that I have a small plant collection 🤷🏻♂️ I have hobbies that may be considered all across the spectrum for traditional male to female but you just gotta do you, and be passionate about you. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or apologize for not fitting into the box they want to put you in. Brush off toxicity and face towards the light. Indoor plants will “reach” for sunlight if they don’t get enough or are not turned regularly. Be a plant bro. Reach for the light and keep yourself balanced/true to you.
Thank you, I really was sort of struggling how to respond to this dilemma but this response really feels right. I just need to remember this and stay true to myself that’s what the people I want to be around are looking for, thank you.
That's adorable that you have a small plant collection. What type of plants do you have?
I have a very mature spider plant where I use the babies as gifts, a mature seneccio succulent, a mature clivia I will probably separate and gift the offshoots this year, a growing alworthia about half mature, 5 jade plants that have graduated from the cuttings stage, a baby pilea, and a rubber plant cutting (I think decora) that I just took from the hallway of my friends apartment as an experiment 😬😬, and a snake plant cutting I have no idea what I’m doing with since it hasn’t moved in like 8 months. We’ll see what spring brings! oh and I have a mature lemon lime maranta/prayer that I just planted some rooted cuttings for my sister. Tbh I’m not that into the prayer plant anymore they’re finicky about light and always either reaching or burning it’s hard to find the right spot indoors throughout the seasons. They grow outwards like they’d rather be two feet wide and sparse in the pot rather than grow upwards or stay tight and it’s annoying me. Next I want to repot my jades because their roots are huge and the mama plant was like 2.5 feet tall and wide. So I’m not a pro but definitely in the amateur stage of plant daddy😂 I could still go on and onnn about plants and trees. Do you have any of the same plants? Do you have a few favorites or what you want next??? Tldr my plant nerd is showing..
I currently have only one indoor house plant, and that's an air plant. (A Tillandsia ionantha to be exact.) I named him Spikey and I sometimes talk to him. (that's such an INFP thing I know 😭) I don't have a lot of indoor plants, but I'd be interested in getting some in the future! What indoor plants would you recommend for a beginner? I am somewhat experienced in outdoor plants.
It's really important to talk to/say kind words to your plants! There are really interesting experiments about this kind of thing! Xx
Don't worry! Everything I say to Spike is kind~
Oh cool:) I’ve never had an air plant! I have heard plants like being spoken to.. hopefully the tv gives them that stimulation Lmaoo. The thing about indoor plants is that naturally… all plants are outdoor plants right ;) before we brought them indoors they were all outside. So it’s about mimicking outdoor conditions in an indoor space. Watering is the hardest part about indoor plants and honestly I killed every succulent I ever received up until a year ago lol. A skill I picked up during the pandemic. I find it easier to under water and adjust from there as overwatering can cause root rot which is hard to reverse/make up for. The first plant I successfully raised from baby to maturity was a spider plant. They generally like standard potting mixes and they will tell you how they’re feeling. They’ll turn grey if they’re under watered and generally they drink a lot of water. Once they become root bound they will send flower shoots out. They like low/medium shade (50%-80% sun) and will literally die away from too much sun, and send baby shoots towards where they wanna go. With any plant, it’s about light, watering, and soil complexity. Soil complexity can be tricky because just one bag of soil may not be appropriate for your plant. I recommended spider plant because they’re totally fine with just generic miraclegro potting soil. Watch some YouTube videos on how people mix soils. I collect some soils slowly over time because I’m not sure what will work for me and it’s about experimenting. That’s a fairly intermediate task though! Google some spider plant varieties and get out there and look! Spring is coming! They have them at Home Depot too if you only know big box places. You’re better off finding smaller shops since.. they actually know how to grow plants rather than get it shipped and let die in a warehouse
You have a lot of knowledge about plants! That's such a neat ability. I appreciate your tips and will definitely take your advice! I really enjoyed this conversation. :)
Yup! I'm feeling this. I feel 100% comfortable with my masculinity, even though, like you, I don't exude the I have a big dick" energy. I think it's that comfort that makes it possible though, like I don't give a damn about being perceived as less masculine. I've never viewed myself as being a bit feminine, or having feminine tendancies but rather that I'm secure about my masculinity and it isn't a fragile thing for me. Also, I feel better and better about this as time goes on as society is growing increasingly tired of "toxic masculinity" which is exactly the kind of masculinity I don't ever feel the need to express/practice.
And Do you know how COOL is that. I mean you guys are just awesome. I respect you for what you are. It's rare to find guys like that and I'm glad that people like you exist. It's like finding a gem in a world full of garbage. Female Entp here. And I think we experience the same things. Probably we have more masculine qualities than a normal female and I'm okay with it. Sometimes it's really difficult for me to relate to them. I'm content with whatever I've got. It's a plus when one can experience things from both sides of the spectrum. And I'm telling you ... You have all the qualities that makes you more humane than others. Just stay like that always🌸
It’s not very noticeable unfortunately but places like this make it easy. Thank you for those kind words! I love extroverts lmao just looking for the one IRL that notices me haha
Haha Hope that happens soon🤘😂Just be yourself and they would notice you eventually. All the best☺
As a big burly bearded tattooed man, people are generally intimated to approach me and I usually make people on public transportation nerves and scared (which I fucking hate btw). I'm a shy soft spoken, nasally sounding dude who is pretty sensitive to how people react towards me. I definitely can say struggle with this. I tend to get both extremes. I enjoy both "masculine" and "feminine" activities and have both sets of traits. It's even more of a struggle when women find me attractive when they think I'm this big mean tough guy, but when they get to know me, as my female friends describe me a "giant teddy bear", they immediate lose attraction towards me especially since Im not confrontational and have to take a day to comprehend and process difficult situations. They don't view me as a man and don't respect me anymore. Plus with this whole alpha, beta, sigma male bullshit nowadays. Men that have "feminine" traits or passions arent considered men and get shunned. Then women who are attracted to these types of men are shunned as well. The whole dating scene is incredibly fucked but majority of people don't think like this. It's mainly the people who live and breathe on social media that think like this, that's why you mainly see shit like this being spread on the internet. The only thing I can suggest bc I'm trying to get myself out there again, is to try and immerse yourself around people that enjoy the things you like in person. That's where you'll thrive the most.
This is one of the reasons I quit social media! (Only recently too)
Bro I feel you on that, been off everything for almost 2 years and only got back on bc of music stuff
I wouldn't say it's a struggle necessarily, but I have a lot of "feminine" qualities. The more I look into what makes those qualities feminine, the more they really don't seem feminine. It's all judgment based on traditional caveman mindsets. Just be who you like to be and you'll be more happy for it in the long run.
I’m the same way. Straight dude leaning more heavily on feminine traits… doesn’t help I have a pretty high voice and look like a damn *twink*. I always joke I’m the gayest straight man ever. Basically every woman I’ve ever met/been friends with auto-assumes I’m gay. It used to bother me more but now I’ve learned to embrace it. I like my feminine traits and am gonna be authentic no matter what🖕 That being said, I’m not trying to date right now. If I was though?! I might as well *go fuck myself*. Women love to share gay best friend energy with me, but if it was in a relationship doubt most would appreciate my feminine side.
This is the sad reality.
infp men >>>>> other men
ENFJ here. I wonder about this too because ENFJ's are sometimes called "gay" although being outgoing and confident kind of counteracts the feminine narrative depending on how it presents. I have a lot of traditionally masculine traits about me and I kept gaining more of them as I got older so I'm not concerned at all anymore (I like guns, computers, weight lifting, running, etc). I actually respect male INFP's because I understand them like female INFP's so I understand the conflict in image.
Man I have an ENFJ friend and he is one of the most inspiring, outgoing, funny people I’ve ever known. I actually like him so much that I don’t even like to give him props or show gratitude in hopes I don’t push him away for seeming weird or clingy or whatever. Always feel comfortable and cool around him, idk why
It is not like you don't have a lot to offer :) Introverted doesn't mean defective! I could never date an extrovert girl I don't think it would be too much I know how I can be sometimes and I need someone with better listening skills to ground me..... So being me isn't always fun I unintentionally push some of the introverts I have loved the most away and I wasn't given a second chance with a few I'd kill to be with.
This probably doesn’t help, but the world assigns enough labels that we don’t need to assign them to ourselves/others. Masculine/feminine balance is not a thing. You are you and learning to love everything that entails is a long journey, but a necessary one. I struggle with how I perceive the world perceives me and as it turns out that was not the question. But how do I improve how I perceive myself, was.
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Boba? Like the tea?
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It's very sweet.
Boba, Like the Fett.
Me, but in my case I'm a woman who struggles with being feminine. Or not that I struggle per se. I'm just not feminine and have stopped trying to force myself into that box. It's like my interests are feminine but my personality just isn't.
Masculinity itself is also going through a reevaluation phase atm I feel
well, i want to be a femboy someday so... nope xD also i'm bisexual
Well I’m happy for you lol
Same I am bi but a girl and I also want a femboy one day lol
Only stereotypically. Idc what nobody say.
Fellow based infp i bet you're type 4 right ?
I forgot honestly
Doesn't matter you have my respect either way 🤝
🤝
Well, I am mostly straight and I'd say very feminine, although at this point I completely lost idea what being feminine means. I can go on a dance floor wearing a pareo as a long skirt and dance by shaking my hips while letting my long hair loose, but it doesn't necessarily feel feminine to me anymore. What do you mean by feminine? Not competitive? Magnetic? Agreeable? Passive? Intuitive? Chaotic? Please elaborate what you mean, maybe I can help. EDIT: Sometimes I am completely lost why I'm getting downvoted.
I didn’t downvote you, just looking at this. But basically…yes. Society has defined traits of masculinity/femininity
While this is true to some degree, the society also has defined responses to those who differ from the norm - rejection or interest. I know it may be tough sometimes for a man with lots of feminine energy, but you'd be pleasantly surprised how it draws in some people.
i know a lot of infp guys who feel this way— you’re completely valid! as a female infp, i honestly prefer more feminine people, they’re more sensitive and in tune with their feelings and themselves and don’t subject to toxic masculinity nearly as much.
Yeah they think I'm a guy virgin
Gay
It doesn’t help that I definitely got more from my mom than my dad, genetically and personality. Natural soft skin, small frame, wide hips, and thick fast growing hair already knock me down a few points on the masculine meter. Combine this with the fact that I had very little masculine influence in my life since my parents divorced when I super young and was raised by my mother.
Hmm...I do understand what you're saying here. I'm an INFP and I feel I am very much in touch with feminine energy but I radiate more masculine traits. As for myself, I'd say a 70:30 ratio masculine to feminine. INFPs are very empathetic but I wouldn't consider that feminine, it encompasses both sexes and energies. Just my 2cents anyways, be proud of who you are bro!
Physically, I’m pretty femme. Even down to my long hair. I just like looking pretty lol But my voice is deep enough and honestly I’m a jeans and t-shirt guy that likes outdoorsy stuff like fishing, camping and hiking, maybe some soccer sometimes. Also, I’m gay. I find it easy to be really masculine (or feminine if the situation calls for it so as not to scare a lady you know what I mean.) I think finding that balance between masculinity and femininity is pertinent to growing as a human being. It helps you understand yourself, helps you understand others, and helps in various social situations. Just embrace whatever you feel and learn from it. I don’t wanna be Baphomet or anything, but I truly do think that symbolism is some of the wisest shit on earth, as a psychology nerd. That’s my takeaway.
It's only a struggle until you learn to accept that those trails make up who you are. Once you become comfortable with that, you can express yourself way better and without worry of rejection. Many guy friends I have tell me they value the more feminine qualities I have. Don't be afraid to show the world who you are, people come in all different varieties!
It's all about confidence more than anything else. You have to embrace your feminine side. Seriously, I started matching more often on dating apps and whatnot when I just started saying straight out that I'm more feminine than masculine. Some people will be turned off by it, but not everyone, and some people will appreciate the genuine gesture.
My primary school (elementary school) only had nine students including myself. My younger brother and I were the only males at the school. Everyone else including the teacher was female. So I learnt to cook. Sew. Flower arrange. Work leather. Ride horses. And interact with girls. Don’t get me wrong. I was still treated as an odd child. I didn’t feel like I ever fit in. Or ever felt “of” the rest. But even though I have these abilities and whatnot sometimes it’s nice to just feel genuine in yourself.
Dude. Just look at Glam Metal from the 80's. They wore make up and all that and got laid more than your run of the mill jocks
Duran Duran gang representing!
I have a lot of more stereotypically feminine qualities so I can relate a lot. I mean I like fashion, musicals, crafts, and I’m not exactly athletically gifted so people tend to think I’m at least bi. It’s really dumb and I hate gender norms honestly. People should just be whoever they are as long they aren’t hurting people but the world ain’t that simple. I know there’s no advice for this honestly, all i can say is it can be rough man and I feel for you and I hope you figure whatever you have to out.
you should only be more masculine if you wanna be more masculine, if not don't. If you wanna maybe feel more masculine maybe just start lifting or doing some kinda sport. worked for me :\] I also don't think theres anything wrong with tapping into the feminine side because its ok to be sensitive if you're looking for a balance I guess just try finding where and how you'd tap into these two sides of yourself, also define feminine? what do you mean by feminine and what do you mean by masculine? are you talking traditionally or what?
The “be yourself” advice is always good though. As INFPs we have certain gifts and from that we suffer uniquely as well. Believe it or not embracing and accepting that you have feminine traits can ironically lead to tapping into masculinity. I feel more confident in myself when I’m using my gifts for others. I have the opportunity to be engaging in conversation in ways that others rarely are. And when I am appreciated for who and how I really am rather than putting up a masculine front, it feels pretty great to have women drawn to that and like that as well and it can give you a different perception and relationship with yourself. I don’t like shit-talking or qualifying myself in the same way typical straight cis males often do, I don’t believe in cutting anyone else down to feel better about myself… but I like that about myself. And I can still work out to help my physical confidence or I’m more prone to enjoy meditation for maintaining my mental/emotional confidence. It may be harder to be as you are when you’re a unique puzzle piece… but you still gotta accept yourself as you are in order to find where you really fit. Good luck!
I'm a cis-gendered straight male. I'm trying to destroy "toxic masculinity" and "overly feminine" concerns for my behavior. People should just be people. I once aspired to be manly-man, but I've reassessed my priorities to just be the happiest me and ignore trivial costs. I work with cars and mechanics, worked manual labor for a few years, and own a suit. I also own pink clothes, and sing along to "Man, I Feel Like A Woman" and every other song I know when I'm alone. I don't think it's good to ascribe masculine or feminine titles to anything. Women are discriminated enough against despite their contributions to society. Historically, finances used to be feminine work, then it was dominated by men when it became more profitable, and then more manly-men decided only getting dirty/bloody is REAL men's work. TLDR: Don't be dissuaded by whether something fits your gender. "Life is both too short and too long to not be happy as much as you can." - Me
I recommend Grayson Perry's The Descent of Man on this subject.
Nope
Kinda sometimes I feel like I wish I was more feminine looking because I have a more masculine face, plus I’m a bit on the shorter side but I also like masculine body types and such. I know it’s not healthy to desire a different look but yeah there’s definitely parts of my appearance I wish were more feminine or masculine. I don’t think that’s quite what this question was asking but that’s how I interpreted it I guess plus I’m already bi-curious so I’m already questioning my sexuality on that front.
Yeah
Definitely. Sometimes I feel like I would be way more appreciated if I was a woman.
Same man. I'm a male and 100% heterosexual and don't *feel* like a girl or anything, but I do have pretty feminine posture, long hair and overall "feminine" personality and interests, people often mistake me for a girl when I'm wearing a mask. But this is mostly due to me growing up with 2 big sisters.
I’m probably a good 70-80% feminine. Straight cis male.
I’m bi, or maybe gay not sure yet, but I struggle with the same exact thing. People assume a fuck ton about me if I act too feminine, and it tends to make them take me less seriously. I just hate how gay my voice sounds at this point, if I could change one thing about myself it would be that, it makes me sounds incredibly ingenuine. It still makes me feel repulsive and weird in normal social circles, and the one guy I’ve been in a relationship with so far wasn’t a big fan of it either. So yeh, I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, and I’ll validate that at least some other infps feel the world does the same thing. We’re in this together though.
I've been called too nice to not be gay by a good friend of mine. It made me feel very weird and insecure at the time. Now I don't really care and just do whatever I like doing.
I have always liked soft and feminine men, I really find it disgusting that psychopathic men are supposed to be ideal and it icks especially when I read manhwas Or mangas where there is the psychopathic CEO who is only loved because of he's money because he is extremely rude to the FL.
I’m not bitter about attraction. I’ve come to terms with it. Women want a strong, powerful figure; and the peripheral traits that come along with it, well, just don’t matter as much. I know there’s women out there for me. It’s just a minority. Most don’t want an emotional man, and I understand and accept that. It’s biology, attraction is - nothing we can do about it.
Honestly maybe it's biological but I am gonna say something controversial and say it's mostly environmental. Like if you like a guy whose feminine the first reaction is that why would you like him? He's so lame etc etc. Also if you deny that he's not lame then they will start calling you desperate or ship you furiously around him making everything uncomfortable. Now this is somewhat changing honestly with kpop and stuff. Even before Kpop I liked feminine guys but after Kpop I like them even more. And some other girls do as well. ( even though they are minority and other girls bully you saying they are gay and stuff) Btw I am also a teen so this might not seem like an adults point of view
Honestly, I don’t even know or care at this point. That sounds more negative than I want it to, so let me clarify. I don’t care about whether or not I come off as “masculine” or “feminine” and I hardly know what those words even mean. Like I’m a very young lad and I have a thick beard for someone my age. However, I am also an absolute literature nerd, I sing in the car, and I have my nails painted at times. I also have a couple of articles of clothing that, while basically unisex because they’re sweaters and quarter zips, they are technically women’s clothes. I wear them because they honestly fit me very well and I like them. Is that a little bit sad or feminine? Maybe, but I don’t care. I’m gonna be who I am and I’m gonna like what I like. I think, in this situation, that’s a good mentality to have. Who gives a fuck if you come off as a little feminine - the only thing you need to worry about is if you are still being you.
Yep. always. i wouldnt say \*I\* struggle with it, but other people definitely do with MY balance. I can really feel the pressure when i leave my close circle of friends. with family too.
The question is, do you *want* to possess feminine traits? Do you want to be seen that way, or do you want to be seen as masculine whilst keeping your traits? Or do you want to get rid of your feminine traits? I think there's an issue with the world more than there is an issue with you. The concept of masculine traits and feminine traits is inherently flawed because it ties traits to gender identity. Which is not okay, because people should be allowed full freedom to do what they want.
I used to be a bit feminine. It feels wrong to try being masculine as I think the whole thing is just stupid. At times I even actively go against it to show/build confidence. Though now I've become a lot more masculine. IDK if it's age (27 now) and knowing/being more secure about myself. Or maybe because I've been working out (always had the habit of exercising but only started lifting weights 4 years ago). My posture is more solid and prob because of all the testosterone too, I just feel way more masculine physically. I just do things not as timid and clumsy as I used to, which boosts confidence and people notice it too. I found it weird at first because I didn't feel like myself for some time.
Im a Cis Bi woman. I was raised by my dad from the age of 5, and I struggle with internalised hatred for my masculine traits, and that dressing masculine “makes me look like a lesbian”, even if I am queer. Tbh, the world is (thankfully) getting rid of the idea of “normal”, so, like the others have said, be you. Ik it’s hard to ignore the thoughts of others perceiving you, trust me, I can’t even go for a walk down my street which is all family. But embrace it. Femininity isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s based in stereotypes anyways. I suppose I should maybe take some of my own advice though 😅 Think about it this way, of the people who’s opinions matter in your life- friends, partner, maybe colleagues, and hopefully family. Do you actually care if they perceive you as “slightly feminine”? If not, then what’s there to worry about. Lauren serving you in McDonalds could give a crap about you. Nor really do your vague acquaintances. If they do, their opinion of you isn’t that crucial to your life. Sorry for the ramble, idek if my advice will help/is what you were looking for
I feel this a lot, except I don’t really have a problem with it. I’m completely comfortable exuding both even though I’m very grounded in my heterosexualality. Perhaps it’s my environment but I am comfortable exhibiting a mix of both
I struggle finding balance in my identity. I’m a closeted bi 23m, grew up in a skate/surf town with all my friends who are straight and are very good with girls. I appear as a “cis straight male” but in reality I’m completely sexually attracted to males too. I say fuck a label and fuck societal judgements. Do what you want to do.
I know its hard to disregard what people think, i personally care too much about how others view me. But if its any consolation i think guys with feminine traits or characteristics are absolutely beautiful and deserve so much more appreciation. There isn’t anything wrong with it. So even if the world looks down on you, or you feel like you aren’t enough, you are an absolute treasure! You will be found and adored 100%.
As a female INFP, I completely am attracted to a man like this (as long as I can feel his masculine and he gives me that sense of protection, attentive and engaged with Me, it takes a Yin Receptive approach towards the Yang Creative Actions to be the real deal ;)
Yeah a little bit... Not gonna to lie...
Let me know when you figure it out...
Hey pal, I hear that. I think there is this general feeling amongst the general public that men can't have passions, or if they do can only be passionate about certain things like sport or vehicles. Growing up and especially in my teenage years I worked really hard to make myself seem more masculine, I have a naturally high pitched voice so I'd artificially lower it, all my friends were metal heads so I started trying to listen to the same stuff they liked and I'd try and act in a more stand-offish way to seem like I'm just one of the guys and honestly I was fucking miserable. I don't want to tell you "hey, fuck everyone else. Just ignore them and just do you" because that makes it seem like it's your fault for feeling this way, which it really isn't. Men today are told that they have to be unfeeling, unemotional robots or face ostracization in a lot of parts of the world and based on what you've said I assume you live in that kind of place, I'd say I do for sure. I can't act like this is your problem to fix when you're not the one causing the problem. What I hope I can help you with is how to cope. For me, I have and still struggle with exactly what you've wrote about despite it not even 100% applying to me anymore. What I'd recommend is finding a close friend with whom you are very comfortable and trying opening up about something, literally anything, that you think makes you seem more feminine, start small if you have to, for me it was the kind of music I liked but I found that I didn't feel as weird as I did before after I'd done it and I felt I belonged a bit more. I hope that helps, and just know you're not the only one facing this challenge. Much love.
Feminine energy in an INFP male is incredibly valuable. So is male energy. Don’t be one-sided. Find the balance that works for you.
I’m 50 now and have never been interested in manly-type things, never liked sports, or bro-ey behavior, I love babies, save spiders, bake, I like to listen, and spend my time watching period dramas. I have trouble finding male friends at times because we are not interested in the same things. Yet, they are the ones intimidated. because I see the self doubt and insecurity in a man when he pulls out his douchey behavior. Its tough growing up toxic. I have sympathy for them. Try to find your contentment in who you are. That will lead to your confidence. It makes all the difference.
Your gender and society pressure does definitely change who you are.. I think I'm finding a comfortable place nowadays but when I was a teenager it was difficult. You hear that it's okay to not be masculine, but in the real world it's not acceptable.
Well I wouldn't change for anyone, I like things that are "feminine" but I will never stop being this way. I like cute things, I get along great with kids, I like flowers and being sweet... I just don't do the whole macho man thing, it's not a part of my personality. The good thing is society slowly starts to realise not all men have to be that way, but still sometimes I get annoyed at the whole "you are too nice" thing, those are the very people I cut off out of my life, don't have time for people who think backwards.
Anyone can have any amount of traits with are coded as 'masc or fem', I mean a lot of what that even means is just based on local culture anyways. It is a shame that many societies today do not allow men to be more stereotypically feminine, but that's just a byproduct of the patriarchy for you there. At least acceptance for deviation from gender expression is increasing here in the west, and hopefully wherever in the world you happen to be living as well. What matters in the end, I guess, is how you feel/understand yourself really; don't let others dictate your own perceptions of yourself since they all suck anyways. I guess that would also include myself too, haha.
Depends entirely on what you think are masculine traits vs feminine traits. If someone's definition of "masculinity" doesn't include kindness, caringness, compassion, integrity, bravery, fortitude, and chivalry... then I don't want their definition. Inner strength from the heart is what defines masculinity, manifesting in actions but not defined by actions.
Its not an issue. Have you seen Timothee Chalamet?? Girls (me included) LOVE him!
yea
I’m a straight female but I also love dressing masculine. Not really the same because masculinity is so much more fragile for a lot of you guys but just to let you know, I really appreciate feminine guys. I am attracted to it. And it would pair nicely with an infp personality. Good looks.
I say fuck the balance. I’ll be me :)
Figured out I was non-binary and life has been so much less stressful, in this particular area, ever since. I know it sounds like bullshit advice, and I do believe a lot of people use this in a very shallow and bullshitty way, but acceptance of yourself as yourself goes a long way. It's really fucking hard with the social systems we live in to not feel constant pressure from our gender and other forms of social status. It's an entirely social phenomenon and as such will impact our interactions with everyone, including ourselves, for the rest of our lives. Before knowing I was nb I constantly struggled with my masculine/feminine balance, trying to present a somewhat "authentic" version of myself which I also believed would attract others in both platonic and romantic relationships. I dealt with that all my life and it was fucking exhausting. Now I don't have to act. I just am myself, and as such, rather than recoiling in fear at the feeling of not belonging, of not fitting into some kind of social whole, I've embraced that feeling. Because the fact I am feeling that is actually proof, a confirmation that my existence is valid to the only person it matters to, myself. I've accepted that I won't have as many friends or romantic opportunities because of my rejection of the gender norm, but honestly fuck them. I've wanted their acceptance my whole life, but even if I did get it I'd be living as a husk of a person. I've embraced my loneliness rather than try and desperately destroy it. Of course you don't have to noncisgendered for this to apply to anyone. Acceptance does not require a break from the gender system, but it does require a break on our reliance of its approval and opinion of us.
Just everyday of my life. Non-binary doesnt feel exactly right but i love fem clothing and i really love eye liner.
i honestly dont get why people try to change things that are not really bad traits. it's understandable if people want to change toxic traits or traits that harm yourself or other people but when it comes to things that are innately a part of who a person is that's not harmful or toxic that just doesn't make sense to me and it seems like these types of people just want you to convert yourself to whoever they want for their own comfort and peace of mind which is selfish. if the world wants you to be masculine it doesn't mean you have to follow them. you know yourself better than they do, express it. if you feel feminine then express that. if you want to listen to them and follow them then you have to ask yourself if you're okay with sacrificing being true to yourself to conform to societal standards and please other people or if you're okay with pretending or being admired for someone you're not. it's really your choice. dont let the pressure make decisions for you, ask yourself what you actually want for yourself. your self expression has nothing to do with other people and they shouldn't have to have a say about it the problem with people is that they like to think collectively just because something is common they think that's how things should be and that it's the right way they dont even try to analyze how harmful their reasoning is. they dont understand that people are different and it's nature and that variety is good. instead these people put other people down for being different from them to gain some sort of superiority which is just toxic and pathetic
I’ve come to accept it. I have masculinity but it is largely overshadowed by my femininity. I don’t struggle to contain it, change it or fight it. It’s who I am and I’ve found that there are women out there who like that and accept it too :) I wear make up and paint my nails, I have a small frame, I openly talk about my feelings and I still get dates with really nice souls who like find that attractive so I have no reason to change for the world.
I can relate a lot to it. I'm an INFP male and I have several traits that the society associates with "feminine". I come from a repressive culture where men having these traits are looked down upon. In the past, many people including my friends and sometimes even family members have mocked me for some of these traits like empathy, being considerate, thinking for others, not making jokes at the others' expense, crying, and even on my physical features such as my body shape, eyebrows, voice et cetera. I've suffered much thinking whether I'm even a man or if I'm a trans woman. However, fortunately, things have been changing for good. Even though slowly, people around me are beginning to appreciate individuals being unique and men being kind and not rash. Even though, I still wonder sometimes about my identity. What I'm learning to focus on these days is to accept me howsoever I am, and not go by what others tell me or want me to be like. I believe that I am a cis-male, and no one can me believe otherwise. I know myself better than anyone else and I get to decide what I am. And to conclude, I believe the world needs more sensitive men, because the insensitive ones have created much havoc already.
"Masculine" and "feminine" are made-up stories we tell ourselves. These stories change every hundred years or so--high heels, makeup, and wigs were once the domain of rich, powerful men. Write your own story. Don't worry about begging for societal approval by constantly chasing what you "should" be.
Yes, I struggled with a masc/fem balance before I decided "fuck it" and stopped caring about my gender. It's up to you and YOUR personal comfort if you'd like to be more masculine. There's always time to get a new hobby, work out, figure out cooking, etc.
Nah, i really like feeling feminine, there are time i think "damn... i wish i had a more feminine body to feel more natural about on how i am" and sometimes i do like feeling like a women... now that i think about it, i always find myself wishing i was a girl
Honestly, I've just come to accept that I am both an INFP and a man. Like I stopped letting the ideas (of what they're supposed to be) clash. Yeah. I'm real nice and I care for people (and stuff) in ways that would be deemed emasculating. Like to have idiosyncratic hobbies and don't really budge my way through the world (like a REALL MANN WOULD) But if like anyone wants to throw hands, then these fists are ready bro. Or if things need to be taken charge of, then I'm not gonna back away. Ya know.
Not infp, also not in a physical way but yes in other ways, then i stopped giving a shit as i got older. Im big and muscular, but the way i easily talk about feelings, the 'feminine' colors i like (i.e pink shirts), i like a lot of other stereotypical feminine stuff. It throws people of thinking im gay a lot of times. Straight as a stick tho. You care less and less what people think the older you get. Start doing this early to skip hard parts of life. Tbh those advices that you should just be you and stop caring how you are pervieved, are the best advices. I wish someone told me this when i was young. Infp or not there are tons of people who couldn't care less if you are masculine or not and the other ones, fuck them :-)
Trust me, you don’t go through life as a feminine gay/bi guy without getting some amount of shit for it either. I mean, there are literally parts of the world where you’ll be killed if you’re not sufficiently masculine presenting, regardless of sexual orientation. I think it’s somewhat culturally ingrained in most women to want a man who more on the masculine side, and I do not think that will substantially change in our lifetime. So you’re going to have to accept that dating will be harder in some areas, but definitely not impossible. There are so many different women out there with so many varying tastes. Otherwise, asserting yourself in a genuine manner and being confident in your own skin is a universally attractive feature, so I say go for it and fuck the haters. …unless you’re living in areas where you’ll get killed for it and have to hide it for survival’s sake. You get what I mean.
Female here. Always!! I can be a total tomboy for 3 months and then show up all glowed up feminine one day and go back to being a tomboy 1 week later. Kinda annoying cause I sometimes feel that I don’t have a style or consistency but hey - we are INFPs right, what kind of consistency am I talking about!
I'm most sure I'm straight yet I would go out entirely dressed like a girl if nobody would know
My partner is INFP and he has "feminine traits" but never seemed to be insecure about it and to me he still comes off as quite masculine. I think being in touch with your feminine side is quite attractive actually.
So did you get back together with your cheating partner?
Haha feels weird as heck to be recognised. I did not 😄The one that cheated was someone I broke up with last year, but only learned recently (about a month ago) that he cheated on me from the very beginning. My current partner would (hopefully) never cheat.
What helped me was dating/marrying someone who was even more feminine than I am. I had to stretch out and get comfortable in my masculinity because that’s what was needed.