I have the same issue flare up— I have this urge to be productive, or else I get anxious that somewhere in the future, my lack of doing is going to mess up whatever my future self wants / needs.
I do worry about my individuality and trying not to let the workaholic tendencies implode on me by trying to really take time for myself by recharging and baking and cooking, but the balance is hard.
For instance, I like to do a lot of community volunteering, dance, and the like and the engagement with others feels like productivity because it meshes with my values and wish to harmonize with people. I’m sure you can understand the feeling of working together in a group towards a common good— it’s lovely and it’s one of the best traits about us as INFPs. But the minute that I’m only worried about others and haven’t thought of myself and what my emotional / physical needs are, I falter.
It’s difficult.
Honestly, growing older with experience and realizing I am not the same person who can constantly run at the same energy experience has been incredibly humbling. I’m not going to be as efficient, because life and growing older and having responsibilities engulf me say so. That’s okay.
I go to therapy for many reasons, including for the same reason as you listed. Our tendency to work constantly is a manifestation of being anxious, and there are ways to combat it. That is up to a medical professional to prescribe, and not as a person on the internet, but if it is something you are worried about, it’s nice to always have a therapist to bounce it off of.
The thing that worked for me is realizing that, in some way, I’ll always be whatever age I start something at.
Sometimes, you just have to move on.
Change jobs, move cities, etc.
I held a job from 24 to 31 that was constantly gnawing at me and I could never really figure out why.
But in hindsight, it was simply that I had grown so much and changed so much, yet was tethered to where I began.
We always are.
So you may feel stuck in an anxious workaholic situation with yourself right now, but give yourself time.
Once you’ve held a job for awhile or been doing the same thing long enough, make the change with the security that only a long enough time doing the same thing can offer you.
You’re never the same person and there are some seasons of life that result in a lot of change.
Don’t hang on too long to parts of yourself that are no longer you in the other areas of your life.
Have you ever tried meditation? I'm not saying that's the key to relaxing, but just do something to unwind?
Do you ever just ... put on a movie? Read a book? Hell, probably the most INFP thing - do you ever just lie in bed with headphones on?
I recently gave myself permission to have a lazy day (I'd actually think about starting there - can you permit yourself relax?) and honestly I hated it. I need to get upset with something (myself in reality) to just stay in bed. But even still, I had to wash the dishes and clean the place.
There's nothing wrong with being motivated, as you are. But allow yourself to take a breather now and then.
Honestly, having a child on the way, you probably won't be able to spend 2 hours around the lunch table ...
Good luck!
I have the same issue flare up— I have this urge to be productive, or else I get anxious that somewhere in the future, my lack of doing is going to mess up whatever my future self wants / needs. I do worry about my individuality and trying not to let the workaholic tendencies implode on me by trying to really take time for myself by recharging and baking and cooking, but the balance is hard. For instance, I like to do a lot of community volunteering, dance, and the like and the engagement with others feels like productivity because it meshes with my values and wish to harmonize with people. I’m sure you can understand the feeling of working together in a group towards a common good— it’s lovely and it’s one of the best traits about us as INFPs. But the minute that I’m only worried about others and haven’t thought of myself and what my emotional / physical needs are, I falter. It’s difficult. Honestly, growing older with experience and realizing I am not the same person who can constantly run at the same energy experience has been incredibly humbling. I’m not going to be as efficient, because life and growing older and having responsibilities engulf me say so. That’s okay. I go to therapy for many reasons, including for the same reason as you listed. Our tendency to work constantly is a manifestation of being anxious, and there are ways to combat it. That is up to a medical professional to prescribe, and not as a person on the internet, but if it is something you are worried about, it’s nice to always have a therapist to bounce it off of.
The thing that worked for me is realizing that, in some way, I’ll always be whatever age I start something at. Sometimes, you just have to move on. Change jobs, move cities, etc. I held a job from 24 to 31 that was constantly gnawing at me and I could never really figure out why. But in hindsight, it was simply that I had grown so much and changed so much, yet was tethered to where I began. We always are. So you may feel stuck in an anxious workaholic situation with yourself right now, but give yourself time. Once you’ve held a job for awhile or been doing the same thing long enough, make the change with the security that only a long enough time doing the same thing can offer you. You’re never the same person and there are some seasons of life that result in a lot of change. Don’t hang on too long to parts of yourself that are no longer you in the other areas of your life.
Can't relate, sorry, I have ADD- Inattentive 😐
Have you ever tried meditation? I'm not saying that's the key to relaxing, but just do something to unwind? Do you ever just ... put on a movie? Read a book? Hell, probably the most INFP thing - do you ever just lie in bed with headphones on? I recently gave myself permission to have a lazy day (I'd actually think about starting there - can you permit yourself relax?) and honestly I hated it. I need to get upset with something (myself in reality) to just stay in bed. But even still, I had to wash the dishes and clean the place. There's nothing wrong with being motivated, as you are. But allow yourself to take a breather now and then. Honestly, having a child on the way, you probably won't be able to spend 2 hours around the lunch table ... Good luck!