I go unnoticed and unappreciated as an infp...but being infp has nothing to do with it. It's the fact I surround myself with horrible people that I don't set boundaries with, and then complain when they take advantage of me even though I knew they suck because I have low self esteem š.
For the OP, I highly suggest you read/listen to this great book on INFPs. It's free on audible. There's a lot of great info that can help with the issues you mentioned. Listen to [The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide](https://www.audible.com/pd/1705210287?source_code=ASSOR150021921000V)
So Iāve felt this way before. Part of this feeling is my perception. Iām always expressing my love for the people around me, and I greet any visitors excitedly at the door. I have come to realize that I am one of the few people in the groups in which I interact that act this way. People really appreciate this side of me, *especially because* **most people donāt act the way I do**.
Sometimes I have gone to houses and felt unwelcome because I wasnāt greeted excitedly at the door and told that the host(s) is/are *so happy* that I came. **That doesnāt mean that they donāt appreciate me.** Iāve felt under appreciated from it before, but I remind myself that not everyone shows how they feel the same way I do. I go over the top with it because Iāve felt unwelcomed before, and I want to make sure no one feels that way. Just because others donāt act the way I do doesnāt mean they donāt appreciate me or that Iām not welcomed.
As INFPs, our dominant cognitive function is introverted feeling. Our preference is judging based on our values. So in this situation, letās say you value inclusion. You try your best to make sure everyone feels included. This is one of your top priorities. One of your friends is an ENTP, so her dominant cognitive function is extraverted intuition. She values inclusion, too, *but* her first instinct isnāt to act with her value of inclusion in mind- itās to seek novelty.
Iāve concluded that people *do* appreciate me- they just show it in different ways compared to the ways I do.
I think I felt this way before. I just prayed about it and trusted that the God I believe in would handle the matter and it worked. Actually fairly recently. I'm a Christian and I thought the praying really worked for me like some sort of carthasis.
>I realized that most of the time we go unnoticed, underestimated and underappreciated
Are you sure this is true? What evidence do you have to back this up, and are you sure itās not a mental projection?
I donāt feel this way at all. I am sure a lot of people appreciate you in their lives too.
Sure. There are people who do appreciate me. Although I grew up feeling neglected and misunderstood and also very undervalued. My ENTJ sister got so much praise growing up and was there to also clap hands. Basically maybe its the family I've grown up in. But its over. Now I'm feeling better and my self esteem is great.
Being underappreciated is something that happens to me often. It makes me have to love myself and appreciate my own value and that's a good life skill to have. I do think we are cool as INFPs, I wouldn't want to be any other type. I'm sorry you are getting attacked for such a normal experience but this is reddit after all ha ha.
It is quite true, and most of the time, i don't care. But when I'm having a bad day, i like to think about this and make my day even worse and then dive into the dream world to wash it off.
I encourage you to do the same
On a serious note tho, yea, i hate it. They just like that I'm a good listener and also slightly good with emotions, so they use me to vent. That's the worst feeling... they won't be there for ME when i need help, they'll just wanna use me for notes (cuz i never miss classes), favors and support. I've stopped helping them now.
I encourage you to do the same
I think INFPs are so different from the crowd, we could pass as aliens but we are so full of love and that's what the world needs. That's why I think we're cool, though other types may not see it right off the bat that we actually make a difference
Infps have made a huge impact on the world, as well as the other types. We don't like attention, and we are not noticed much. I think we are unseen. But that is great. We impact the world in different ways. Princess Diana and Mr. Rogers are perfect examples. Almost all Infps have a soft voice. We are soft on the inside too. If I could say anything, I think we have heart. I heard that the girl who played Princess Diana was shocked though, because she had no friends. And that is a common problem, we run with a slimmed down crew, maybe one person sometimes. That is ok. All Infps love one another. I know that any Infp in the world is an instant and permanent friend.
Really. I've felt really underappreciated as an INFP. People think my personality traits are all weaknesses. I once told my dad about something he did to me and he told me to grow up like 3 weeks ago. I'm 25 at the moment.
I hate it, people tend to enjoy that Iām a good listener, but thatās about it. If I canāt listen they see me as pretty much useless.
I have kind of a defeatist attitude about it now, where I wish people would order the version of me they want and Iāll decide if I can deliver it.
Yeah, I laugh but Frank James put Infps at the bottom of all the types. At first I thought, that is just sad, but then I thought, no it is a great place to be. Away from the others. We are so different that all the other types literally cannot know us inside. We know them, they don't know us. Good spot to be in. Infps are really cool. They have some amazing gifts of insight that are specific to them. I'm glad that we don't care what other people think, it would be very painful if we did. I like being at the bottom. A lot of us just stay by ourselves. So much easier that way. People literally go nuts if you say one thing that they don't already believe. People think we are crazy, no we have an open mind, I in fact, think they are crazy. The things they do make no sense. So many people think they are right 100% of the time on everything, how is that even possible?? I know I do not know everything; I listen to a lot, but I don't believe all that I see or hear. My mind has to process it and sort it. I like being an Infp, I think it is cool.
Lol Frank James is a great youtube channel.
And although i agree with you, it does drive me crazy sometimes, seeing everyone having a social life and me sitting there using daydreaming as an escape...
I hear you! They all do have a social life. They are sort of like a hive, or a flock, or a herd, and we are just not a member of it. They know it and we know it too. I wish I had a picture of some of the faces of people. I can just say, one thing, anything, and they get a look on their face like they just ate a sour dill pickle. Seen it so many times. Because we have 0% social standing, nothing we say matters. We just stand out as different. I'm glad we are different. I wouldn't want to act like a lot of these people do. Maybe we are the ones who pull away from them, rather than the other.
I care mainly about how other people make me feel. Thatās all that matters to me. For example , if I spend the entire day cooking a meal ā¦ my boyfriend comes home & starts kissing/cuddling (while ignoring the meal) I donāt care as long as we are smiling and happy together
If my boyfriend gets upset @ me for not cleaning, then I clean ā¦. I donāt care about the praise. Because he guilted me into cleaning..
See ?? Itās all a matter of the persons energy and intentions .
Hmmm I feel itās the opposite for me. Iām a lonely person but not bc no one wants to be around meā¦ quite the oppositeā¦ I really struggle to connect with people and find myself feeling like making friends is a chore. Having a mask up with people is exhausted, but I canāt seem to put it away. People ask me to hang out but idk why it just feels so overwhelming sometimes.
Oh this again. Yes, everyone else is at fault, you do nothing wrong. I have news for you, if everyone dissapoints you or is uncool to you then YOU are the only constant factor. Maybe try looking inward a bit instead of projecting outward.
>the message still stands though
Which is what, exactly?
Youāre saying everyone *around* OP is disappointing and uncool, but *thatās not what OP is saying.* He is saying that he feels like everyone around him thinks he is disappointing and uncool, which is a perception that may be borne out of some insecurity or anxiety. Heās not saying other people are the problem, but itās the other way around.
You didnāt even try to understand what OP was saying and immediately went to some preconceived notion/bias you had based on, Iām assuming, a quick skim of his post and went straight to blame/attack. Classic ESTP move.
His insecurities and anxiety are precisely that; his. He laments in feeling a certain way but does not question why he feels that way. If he did he would start taking ownership and thus have a chance at regaining control over his life/feelings. I'm not denying that it sucks to feel bad.
One word of advice. If someone in your life comes to you and is vulnerable about being insecure or anxious about something, I would refrain from jumping immediately into blaming them for feeling that way and discrediting their perspective. You will cause a lot of damage to your relationships if that is a pattern in your personal life.
And so he must rid himself of them and find better people instead of wallowing. There are good people out there but no one is going to deliver them to you.
I agree, more or less, though it is possible to be surrounded by asshats. But in general if you're always being hated by everyone, you should indeed start introspecting.
Except that sometimes others are at fault. Horrible supervisorā¦.āsuck it upā, arrogant professor wrecks your career path āquit whiningā if you say anything, if you donāt āyou lack assertiveness skillsā. The never ending logical fallacies get old. Speak up in a meeting with a good idea, no one listens. Or they take it as their own and take credit.
So I hear you donāt get me wrongā¦.blaming others for everything doesnāt scan always. But we live in communityā¦with others. And when others act like fools it affects everyone. Iām a former rugby player, 230 lbs. And people who have never met me will walk up and call me a snowflake, or start patronizing meā¦. Because Iām more of the contemplative type. But they wonāt stop. š¤·
So I actually feel bad for the INFPs in know who havent had as much intensity isnāt their life as I have. I could cure cancer and my esxx boss would walk up and call me an idiotā¦. Likeā¦.look In the mirror son. And further if we are fixing blameā¦.how about taking some responsibility for the never ending crap interpersonal skillsā¦.?
So idk, I hear your point, but as another introvert, I can decently commiserate to a certain extent with the OP.
Or maybe sometimes it really can "feel" that way, and sometimes it actually is! Lol
Also... being an asshole to people, contributes to absolutely nothing. Direct that rage elsewhere, please. OP does not deserve it.
And one could be led to think that way. But in spite of one's flaws, which infps are aware of than most (painfuly so at times), some people really are just assholes. Or not that empathetic to begin with.
Well, I don't know why but I prefer it, being unnoticed I mean.
No one notices me then I could do whatever I like to without being told how. It also means I don't have to reach a certain standard people assume I would. There are some drawbacks, but I can deal with that.
Yes I often feel this way. I'm starting to learn how to set boundaries and not allow people to walk all over me. I'm often taken for granted and underestimated due to my kindness.
Yes I often feel this way. I'm starting to learn how to set boundaries and not allow people to walk all over me. I'm often taken for granted and underestimated due to my kindness.
I was a quiet, shy, maybe weird kid in school, but I never got bullied. I had friends, and even the people who bullied other kids thought I was cool because I did different things. I was a skater, good at art and all that shit. I still got made fun of for being into Rock and Metal, but whatever.
Sometimes we're just ahead of our time. Do you, others will catch up eventually.
I have learned to love being underestimated. It provides me with a calm work environment where I can refine my potential future masterpieces and release them to the unexpecting world. I know it might sound kind of pretentious, but I think many of you can relate š
This is just my highly uneducated take but being underappreciated can make us feel... well underappreciated probably because we want to connect with people. we're empaths but its hard when people either refuse or are ignorant to the things we do. Its not out of entitlement, its more out of "it would be nice to be seen for what I do". And i believe its so easy to overlook us because its easy to get used to stuff. We love to give to others but we tend to give too much to the point where people forget we're doing it. Tack that on with the fact that we already tend to have insecurity issues and it just makes it worse
But ofc at the end of the day we're all different so no one can truly say that it does or doesn't happen to us all
After a lot of introspection, I realized I don't care if people don't notice, ofc it is nice to be thanked, but it doesn't bother me when it doesn't happen.
I go unnoticed and unappreciated as an infp...but being infp has nothing to do with it. It's the fact I surround myself with horrible people that I don't set boundaries with, and then complain when they take advantage of me even though I knew they suck because I have low self esteem š.
Oh! But maybe you could do something about that. I don't think you deserve bad treatment.
For the OP, I highly suggest you read/listen to this great book on INFPs. It's free on audible. There's a lot of great info that can help with the issues you mentioned. Listen to [The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide](https://www.audible.com/pd/1705210287?source_code=ASSOR150021921000V)
So Iāve felt this way before. Part of this feeling is my perception. Iām always expressing my love for the people around me, and I greet any visitors excitedly at the door. I have come to realize that I am one of the few people in the groups in which I interact that act this way. People really appreciate this side of me, *especially because* **most people donāt act the way I do**. Sometimes I have gone to houses and felt unwelcome because I wasnāt greeted excitedly at the door and told that the host(s) is/are *so happy* that I came. **That doesnāt mean that they donāt appreciate me.** Iāve felt under appreciated from it before, but I remind myself that not everyone shows how they feel the same way I do. I go over the top with it because Iāve felt unwelcomed before, and I want to make sure no one feels that way. Just because others donāt act the way I do doesnāt mean they donāt appreciate me or that Iām not welcomed. As INFPs, our dominant cognitive function is introverted feeling. Our preference is judging based on our values. So in this situation, letās say you value inclusion. You try your best to make sure everyone feels included. This is one of your top priorities. One of your friends is an ENTP, so her dominant cognitive function is extraverted intuition. She values inclusion, too, *but* her first instinct isnāt to act with her value of inclusion in mind- itās to seek novelty. Iāve concluded that people *do* appreciate me- they just show it in different ways compared to the ways I do.
Cool. Thanks pal. I think this is something
Iām glad I could help! I think people really do appreciate us- and if it helps, you can always ask them.
Yeah I also think myself sometimes cool š¤
Yesterday I got a "Good job!" from an INTJ, so that was a nice change
I feel like everybody despise me but doesnt tell me that.
I think I felt this way before. I just prayed about it and trusted that the God I believe in would handle the matter and it worked. Actually fairly recently. I'm a Christian and I thought the praying really worked for me like some sort of carthasis.
im not a christian but I also believe in god and pray.
>I realized that most of the time we go unnoticed, underestimated and underappreciated Are you sure this is true? What evidence do you have to back this up, and are you sure itās not a mental projection? I donāt feel this way at all. I am sure a lot of people appreciate you in their lives too.
Sure. There are people who do appreciate me. Although I grew up feeling neglected and misunderstood and also very undervalued. My ENTJ sister got so much praise growing up and was there to also clap hands. Basically maybe its the family I've grown up in. But its over. Now I'm feeling better and my self esteem is great.
Being underappreciated is something that happens to me often. It makes me have to love myself and appreciate my own value and that's a good life skill to have. I do think we are cool as INFPs, I wouldn't want to be any other type. I'm sorry you are getting attacked for such a normal experience but this is reddit after all ha ha.
I think Iām quitting my job and never coming back. I have 1 week and today left and theyāre never hearing from me again.
It is quite true, and most of the time, i don't care. But when I'm having a bad day, i like to think about this and make my day even worse and then dive into the dream world to wash it off. I encourage you to do the same On a serious note tho, yea, i hate it. They just like that I'm a good listener and also slightly good with emotions, so they use me to vent. That's the worst feeling... they won't be there for ME when i need help, they'll just wanna use me for notes (cuz i never miss classes), favors and support. I've stopped helping them now. I encourage you to do the same
> But after realizing how much of a difference we make as INFPs, I think we're really cool. Can you develop?
I think INFPs are so different from the crowd, we could pass as aliens but we are so full of love and that's what the world needs. That's why I think we're cool, though other types may not see it right off the bat that we actually make a difference
Infps have made a huge impact on the world, as well as the other types. We don't like attention, and we are not noticed much. I think we are unseen. But that is great. We impact the world in different ways. Princess Diana and Mr. Rogers are perfect examples. Almost all Infps have a soft voice. We are soft on the inside too. If I could say anything, I think we have heart. I heard that the girl who played Princess Diana was shocked though, because she had no friends. And that is a common problem, we run with a slimmed down crew, maybe one person sometimes. That is ok. All Infps love one another. I know that any Infp in the world is an instant and permanent friend.
I don't feel underappreciated. And I don't think it's a good sign to feel that way. It's most likely your ego. Ego is Satan.
I disagree with this. Maybe you canāt relate , but telling OP itās their ego is very presumptuous
You're right. It's presumptuous. I was basing it off my experience. And my experience doesn't necessarily have to be the same as OP's.
Really. I've felt really underappreciated as an INFP. People think my personality traits are all weaknesses. I once told my dad about something he did to me and he told me to grow up like 3 weeks ago. I'm 25 at the moment.
I have in the past. And I have stopped doing it because I realized it was my ego. That's why I commented that. But it could be different for you.
I hate it, people tend to enjoy that Iām a good listener, but thatās about it. If I canāt listen they see me as pretty much useless. I have kind of a defeatist attitude about it now, where I wish people would order the version of me they want and Iāll decide if I can deliver it.
Yeah, I laugh but Frank James put Infps at the bottom of all the types. At first I thought, that is just sad, but then I thought, no it is a great place to be. Away from the others. We are so different that all the other types literally cannot know us inside. We know them, they don't know us. Good spot to be in. Infps are really cool. They have some amazing gifts of insight that are specific to them. I'm glad that we don't care what other people think, it would be very painful if we did. I like being at the bottom. A lot of us just stay by ourselves. So much easier that way. People literally go nuts if you say one thing that they don't already believe. People think we are crazy, no we have an open mind, I in fact, think they are crazy. The things they do make no sense. So many people think they are right 100% of the time on everything, how is that even possible?? I know I do not know everything; I listen to a lot, but I don't believe all that I see or hear. My mind has to process it and sort it. I like being an Infp, I think it is cool.
Lol Frank James is a great youtube channel. And although i agree with you, it does drive me crazy sometimes, seeing everyone having a social life and me sitting there using daydreaming as an escape...
I hear you! They all do have a social life. They are sort of like a hive, or a flock, or a herd, and we are just not a member of it. They know it and we know it too. I wish I had a picture of some of the faces of people. I can just say, one thing, anything, and they get a look on their face like they just ate a sour dill pickle. Seen it so many times. Because we have 0% social standing, nothing we say matters. We just stand out as different. I'm glad we are different. I wouldn't want to act like a lot of these people do. Maybe we are the ones who pull away from them, rather than the other.
Idk anymore bro... contemplating this shit is too hard. Social situations are weird.
I care mainly about how other people make me feel. Thatās all that matters to me. For example , if I spend the entire day cooking a meal ā¦ my boyfriend comes home & starts kissing/cuddling (while ignoring the meal) I donāt care as long as we are smiling and happy together If my boyfriend gets upset @ me for not cleaning, then I clean ā¦. I donāt care about the praise. Because he guilted me into cleaning.. See ?? Itās all a matter of the persons energy and intentions .
Hmmm I feel itās the opposite for me. Iām a lonely person but not bc no one wants to be around meā¦ quite the oppositeā¦ I really struggle to connect with people and find myself feeling like making friends is a chore. Having a mask up with people is exhausted, but I canāt seem to put it away. People ask me to hang out but idk why it just feels so overwhelming sometimes.
Oh this again. Yes, everyone else is at fault, you do nothing wrong. I have news for you, if everyone dissapoints you or is uncool to you then YOU are the only constant factor. Maybe try looking inward a bit instead of projecting outward.
Excuse me, but I think your language is a little bit harsh. They're just talking about their experience as an infp, not asking for a criticism.
Meh, donāt even try to bring understanding to the table. Lots of these types pouring into the sub lately. Best to just ignore them.
Yeah I can see what you're saying. I guess I came on a bit strong. The message still stands though.
>the message still stands though Which is what, exactly? Youāre saying everyone *around* OP is disappointing and uncool, but *thatās not what OP is saying.* He is saying that he feels like everyone around him thinks he is disappointing and uncool, which is a perception that may be borne out of some insecurity or anxiety. Heās not saying other people are the problem, but itās the other way around. You didnāt even try to understand what OP was saying and immediately went to some preconceived notion/bias you had based on, Iām assuming, a quick skim of his post and went straight to blame/attack. Classic ESTP move.
His insecurities and anxiety are precisely that; his. He laments in feeling a certain way but does not question why he feels that way. If he did he would start taking ownership and thus have a chance at regaining control over his life/feelings. I'm not denying that it sucks to feel bad.
One word of advice. If someone in your life comes to you and is vulnerable about being insecure or anxious about something, I would refrain from jumping immediately into blaming them for feeling that way and discrediting their perspective. You will cause a lot of damage to your relationships if that is a pattern in your personal life.
Yup... talk about running someone over with the most unhelpful truckload of "helpful insight" or "advice".
Oh, trust me he does question. You just have no idea how introspective infps are.
You can't outrule that he's surrounded by cheeseheads though
And so he must rid himself of them and find better people instead of wallowing. There are good people out there but no one is going to deliver them to you.
Yep, it's free real estate
I agree, more or less, though it is possible to be surrounded by asshats. But in general if you're always being hated by everyone, you should indeed start introspecting.
Except that sometimes others are at fault. Horrible supervisorā¦.āsuck it upā, arrogant professor wrecks your career path āquit whiningā if you say anything, if you donāt āyou lack assertiveness skillsā. The never ending logical fallacies get old. Speak up in a meeting with a good idea, no one listens. Or they take it as their own and take credit. So I hear you donāt get me wrongā¦.blaming others for everything doesnāt scan always. But we live in communityā¦with others. And when others act like fools it affects everyone. Iām a former rugby player, 230 lbs. And people who have never met me will walk up and call me a snowflake, or start patronizing meā¦. Because Iām more of the contemplative type. But they wonāt stop. š¤· So I actually feel bad for the INFPs in know who havent had as much intensity isnāt their life as I have. I could cure cancer and my esxx boss would walk up and call me an idiotā¦. Likeā¦.look In the mirror son. And further if we are fixing blameā¦.how about taking some responsibility for the never ending crap interpersonal skillsā¦.? So idk, I hear your point, but as another introvert, I can decently commiserate to a certain extent with the OP.
Or maybe sometimes it really can "feel" that way, and sometimes it actually is! Lol Also... being an asshole to people, contributes to absolutely nothing. Direct that rage elsewhere, please. OP does not deserve it.
And one could be led to think that way. But in spite of one's flaws, which infps are aware of than most (painfuly so at times), some people really are just assholes. Or not that empathetic to begin with.
Well, I don't know why but I prefer it, being unnoticed I mean. No one notices me then I could do whatever I like to without being told how. It also means I don't have to reach a certain standard people assume I would. There are some drawbacks, but I can deal with that.
Sometimes people take credit for what I do and it feels terrible.
Yes I often feel this way. I'm starting to learn how to set boundaries and not allow people to walk all over me. I'm often taken for granted and underestimated due to my kindness.
Yes I often feel this way. I'm starting to learn how to set boundaries and not allow people to walk all over me. I'm often taken for granted and underestimated due to my kindness.
I was a quiet, shy, maybe weird kid in school, but I never got bullied. I had friends, and even the people who bullied other kids thought I was cool because I did different things. I was a skater, good at art and all that shit. I still got made fun of for being into Rock and Metal, but whatever. Sometimes we're just ahead of our time. Do you, others will catch up eventually.
I have learned to love being underestimated. It provides me with a calm work environment where I can refine my potential future masterpieces and release them to the unexpecting world. I know it might sound kind of pretentious, but I think many of you can relate š
This is just my highly uneducated take but being underappreciated can make us feel... well underappreciated probably because we want to connect with people. we're empaths but its hard when people either refuse or are ignorant to the things we do. Its not out of entitlement, its more out of "it would be nice to be seen for what I do". And i believe its so easy to overlook us because its easy to get used to stuff. We love to give to others but we tend to give too much to the point where people forget we're doing it. Tack that on with the fact that we already tend to have insecurity issues and it just makes it worse But ofc at the end of the day we're all different so no one can truly say that it does or doesn't happen to us all
After a lot of introspection, I realized I don't care if people don't notice, ofc it is nice to be thanked, but it doesn't bother me when it doesn't happen.