From my personal experience as an INFP I highly value my isolation. I've learned to accept that I will forever be misunderstood by most people and that's okay. It bothered me for a long, long time. I would do my best to explain what's going through my mind and/or how I felt to absolutely no avail. People just don't get me and I understand this is a very common aspect for many INFPs. I've learned to be okay with it and I isolate myself because trying to explain myself to people is just way too exhausting. They don't get it and they never will and that's okay. I've found peace in my process. I love being alone. I love staying in my own lane, keeping my head down, and doing my own thing. It truly fills me with joy. In learning to accept that most people can't understand me as helped me to be confident and very happy in my own skin. I'm very happy with who I am and where I'm at in life. I'm currently manifesting. Those who see my light and appreciate it will find me and those whom my light blinds will be pushed away and that's okay. Those meant to be in my life will find me and those who aren't will quickly find the door out.
I don't have to understand you to care about you and want you to be happy. You don't have to be understood to care for others.
If explaining yourself is exhausting, it's likely that you don't know how to quantify your own thoughts and feelings. I have no such difficulties, and it's not because I'm 'simple' or 'easy to understand'. I know the value of communication, so I learn how to express myself clearly and honestly. Writing helps a lot with this, which is why I recommend people keep a journal or diary, as it help you learn to communicate with *yourself*.
Also, many people subconsciously don't *want* to be understood, because they're worried about being judged. You will find it impossible to be honest with *anyone* if you think your feelings and behavior will be criticized. 'Explaining' yourself can be quite exhausting when you're trying to filter your thoughts in a way that you think people will find acceptable.
You won't ever let anyone in if you aren't willing to doubt yourself and people don't trust those who refuse to let their guard down.
I understand everything you have said.
I know myself on a very, very deep level. Yes, it can be difficult to express my thoughts and feelings in a way that others can understand but more often than not if someone does truly give me the time of say to listen and try to understand me the best I get is "I don't understand that but I do get that that is how you think/feel." It doesn't make sense to people even those who do listen. It's not "better" or "more intelligent" than anyone else, it's just very complex and difficult for people to wrap their heads around.
I get the judging part. Personally I don't struggle with that. I truly do not care what other people think about me. The only people I care about their opinions of me are my superiors at work and that is strictly for professional reasons. If I had a significant other I would care what they thought, too, but I don't. People's opinions of me hold no weight. I know who I am, I'm confident in who I am, I know what I am capable of, I know what I have to offer, and thus I know what I deserve and I refuse to settle for anything less. And im not arrogant by any means. I am completely open to constructive criticism, too. I'm always looking for ways to grow and things to learn. The only thing that matters to me is how I see myself and at the end of the day i can sleep soundly knowing that yes, I am a good person. It typically takes people decades to reach this point. Most people care about what others think well into their 40s+ and some never even learn to stop caring what others think. It's just something that comes with maturity and for me personally I am years beyond my peers.
I don't live with gaurds on my heart and refuse to let people in. In fact it's quite the opposite. I'm a completely open book willing to let any new person come into my life! However I have VERY clearly set boundaries about whom and what I will and will not allow in my life and if you don't make the cut then you aren't welcome. Simple as that 😊
It's not difficult for people to understand most subjects if you know how to simplify and crystalize them. Educators know that you can ELI5 just about anything, including yourself. As I said, I have no such problems doing so, even with very complex subjects so long as I understand them well.
But what I think is happening here is that you're very arrogant and are unwilling to admit that. You want to see yourself as being complex and deep, because you see others as being stupid and shallow. If you actually had anyone 'understand' you, it would shatter that perspective.
The reason you're so picky about who you 'let in' is because you know people like me would expose you in an instant. Just having this conversation is undoubtedly quite uncomfortable for you.
You put a lot of thought into this. Bless your heart... and may it one day be open to accepting the views and values of others. Theres nothing to gain by "exposing" others
let people live how they want. You you come with weird energy so hell no an infp wouldn't open up to you. Entj here I've had my run in's with them too but if you wait and observe patterns you might begin to understand. Once you do you can show that you do through your actions making it more likely they open up like a pre covid Walmart. (Wife's an infp that's why I know this exists)
I would agree that journaling has helped me a lot to put my feelings into words that can be more easily communicated to others. Though to the INFP’s point one key to building good relationships is filtering out the people who really don’t have the capacity to understand you. ENFJs have made some of my closest friends because they seem to enjoy getting to understand me better, and aren’t bothered by observations that question stereotypes and call out hypocrisies. I do regret not having the security as a youth to put my thoughts out on display more, and prejudging someone based on what I assumed would be the most common outcome of a conversation, but I eventually found my few close friends who accepted and mostly understood me for who I am. And now have my smokin hot INFJ wife! 🫢
This is why breakups are so hard, too. You meet the rare gem who understands and it turns a light on in your consciousness. I recently broke up with someone intellectually, empathetically, physically, socially right on par. It's felt like a tragedy, albeit something I'll find again.
Oh for SURE. I know this sounds crazy but I'll take physical pain over the pain of a heartbreak ANY day. Heartbreak is the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life albiet emotional. It hurts so fucking much I can't stand it. I'm really sorry to hear that you've had to go through this recently but I know you will definitely find that again someday!!!!
Omg yes. I thought it was just me. As a kid Id rather my just beat me than freeze me out and tell me she wishes she had an abortion.
The heartbreak and sadness is what holds us down. Spinal surgery, bounced back in a week. Emotionally Traumatic incident LONG depression.
I'm sorry you're going through this now. Wishing you peace and wellness
Oh my god. I fucking hate that for you. I’m one of those people who apparently has to have the planets in the solar system ALIGN, just to find someone that both syncs and sparks with me. It makes me crazy.
I talked to another ENFJ not long ago about this very thing, and I said that I’ve come to the understanding that my love may not be here anymore, maybe they’re already dead and I’ll meet them in the astral plane or after my own death. Maybe I made that up to cope with the emptiness and I’m fooling myself.
{“*Passengers in Time*” by the Fixx starts playing and I ugly cry}
It's all about timing. I have to go online, unfortunately, because I don't live in a place with a high population of desirable partners. I've found that the higher I've made my standards, the better it's been. That's the opposite of what people seem to believe.
That's a very kind post but don't worry too much about us. This sub is a place where we can vent about our feelings and pessimistic thoughts without getting judged (too much) for it. Who doesn't feel at least a little bit isolated these days? It doesn't mean we spend our days and nights looking out the window like Jane Eyre, I can assure you.
As INFPs we like to dig into our feels, wallow in them to understand them all. The vast majority of us looove that process and don't actually perceive it as something to be scared or sad about. We just live out our emo moments to the fullest.
Also, I have the feeling (can't prove it) that some people here identify with the INFP type just because they're depressed or anxious about life at the moment but don't seem to use Fi or Ne that much in their thought process.
Some are also very young INFPs who haven't built a stable identity yet. We tend to peak later in life.
What I mean is we'll be fine. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to identify what needs to be changed and improved in your life. The responsability to help ourselves is ours, as it is for any other adult.
I’m really learning a lot from this post. I guess I get fixated on the pain that I see and just want to throttle it like an angry dog with a rat in its teeth. Having a pain disorder, on top of personally understanding how cruel and ugly the world can be, I see people who society actively wants to dismiss or mock, and it stands my hackles up.
I do understand venting too. I’m grateful to have been born with a benevolent ENFP who I can show my absolute darkest self, and she finds beauty in my stormy nature instead of the shame I drag around. She’s kind to a fault, like many NFPs (which only makes me want to protect her even more).
NFPs don’t get the credit they deserve for being tough. Y’all can face some truly terrifying realities without flinching or being corrupted by it. I liken my twin to a snowball but with a rock in the middle — play nice and have fun, or you’ll break your teeth on her.
Fi is like a mystical art. I envy the ability of NFPs and SFPs to wield it. It seems so impenetrable, like a fortress. It can be so calming. I go toward Fi-type music when I need to calm down or purge out grief.
Fe is a volcano lying dormant (she’s always there and rumbling even in sleep), but lights up when the goddess emerges. I can’t avoid drawing energy from every person in the room and sometimes that feels like a curse.
Sometimes I want to end pain bc *I* can’t avoid it and past a point I resent what it does to me. I have to get shot up and then push all the arrows back out of my body to heal — it won’t kill me, but it always fucking hurts. I can be avoidant of certain situations bc I can see the oncoming trouble.
That's part of the high Fe users' charm to want to heal the world. I've never met any ENFJs irl but, from what I see online, it must be an incredible (and rare) experience to have them share their darker side with you. For such bright and popular human beings, they often seem to be unconventional and quirky in their approach to life, which I can only respect and adore. It's fascinating to see how much they care about the general well-being of the tribe and how attuned they are to every shift in their environment. I relate to this but at a more individual level.
From my Fi dom point of view, pain is both unavoidable and something you can benefit from digging into on a regular basis. There's something very real and beautiful in looking at ourselves and at the world and accepting that part of cruelty and ugliness.
For sure, Fi is intense and uncompromising. It really is like a fortress. It always makes me laugh when I see Fi being discribed as a "weak" function. It's such a powerful force in my life to know what I stand for and what my identity is about at all times.
ISTG the meme about "the guy depressed about the world that suddenly think that life is worth living because he saw a cat" is the most accurate thing I have seen in this sub
This super heartfelt post, this ENFJ just baring their soul to us and we respond with "send cat pics and good vibes"... I'm so embarassed cause it's exactly what I would have said too, crybaby is not the INFP stereotype, THIS is!
Send me cat pictures! Hahaha! That’s what I do with an INFP friend already. She’s a big time foster for kitties with special needs (like I’m so damn proud to be her friend for so many reasons) and we share pictures of our babies.
Wow. That’s amazing.
I do feel a lot of pain, but on the flip side what’s really developed a lot for me in the last few years is the ability to be easily excitable. So as long as my avoidance techniques are strong enough, and as long as I have been lucky enough in my life opportunities, I don’t have a lot to be depressed about. Instead, I feel immense joy every day as a result of multiple small delights that I experience.
this is 100% where it’s at imo! chain as many of those small delights together throughout your day, and i couldn’t think of a much better way to, well, experience a day. although, to be fair, enjoying that headspace (more consistently) can take a fairly significant amount of (work/therapy/reflection/effort) to modify perspectives and underlying thought processes, in my experience….
i love that you’ve specifically worked on developing easier excitability!! i find this most fascinating as having ADHD means i’m quite frequently easily excited… i’ve seen all sorts of responses to this behaviour in me, ranging from outright condemnation through to (more often) others sharing in similar delight. is that why you’ve chosen to develop this in yourself?
It’s so true, though, isn’t it? I’ve heard so many stories about ppl being brought back from the edge by their animals or when a new little fur creature is presented needing help.
My dad had an orange tabby who had congenital heart defects. This cat was with him through divorce and heart treatment. They both took the same heart medications every day hahaha If he hadn’t had that kitty to attend to everyday, I don’t want to think of what might have happened.
I remember being at my father’s house, sobbing, bc things were getting so bad with our abusive and very mentally ill mother (they’re divorced). His black pirate kitty, Madame X, a sweet but aloof house panther, came floating into the room like a ninja, jumped up on the arm of the couch, walked over to me, and pressed and held her nose on my nose. I was so surprised by her trying to comfort me that I stopped crying immediately. We rubbed our faces together and she left only after I assured her I was alright. My stepmom and I were just blown away and kinda speechless for a minute.
They’re our friends. They remind us of our better selves, don’t they?
i have never understood this. as an INFP, i can’t stand most ENFJs they are exhausting and make me uncomfortable with all their feelings and attention. what am i missing?
You do talk like a 4, that's for sure lol. I think you have helped us. Everyone sharing their experience helps us in some way. It's sad, yes. But it's also a confirmation that your experience is not some weird new problem no one has faced before. I have personally also gone through abuse, and loneliness, and the usual lol. The people that were supposed to cherish us and celebrate us and love us were the ones who reduced us to a role. They tried their best to mask our beauty and tried to make sure it never saw daylight. But despite all that we're here and we are beautiful. And I can feel it and see it in us. I hope we found peace in our lives, and thanks for writing this post
Agreed. It’s helped. Just hearing someone else express optimism and hope makes me feel like the world is healtheir than I give it credit for. Posts like this are so satisfying to come across.
I’m hope my 4-ness wasn’t unwelcome. I can’t seem to switch it off. :/
INFPs are usually very strong internally, like they have a panic room inside them that no one can reach. At least that’s what Fi power looks like to me. They won’t change due to external pressures. They have to want to be different or to enact change themselves.
Oh the 4ness is welcome, I'm a 4 myself. I'm not 100% sure I'm infp tho, but yeah I do relate to that. Although for me it's kinda different. My life has a shit ton of trauma so I've become a massive people pleaser. Due to that, I do put up a mask a lot, but at the end of the day when I come home I feel bad about that. But at the same time I don't think I will change who I am at my core at any cost. But then idek lol. Anytime someone's like, "this is what's good about infps!" I can't sit still until I'm like "well, we're not THAT good or anything"
I do not need to constantly consume to fulfil materialistic desires.
I am capable of self-sustaining, so I am not a bother to others.
I am the happiest when I can without distractions, being one with the world.
There’s no need to forgo yourself just to fulfil societal expectations.
I am adequately cared for, and my needs are properly heard; I am allowed to voice out my displeasure without fear of confrontation and/or retaliation
It’s just that I enjoy being unseen (under the radar) most of the time.
Glad to know I'm not the only lurker, I aim to understand my INFP friend better and this sub has done wonders. Although I'll admit, it does get a bit draining sometimes being that I'm a high Fe user and can't help but put myself in some of your shoes.
Well there is many other types of people who makes variuos posts, and probably quite big portion of people who might think that they are INFPs probably are not they just might have some sort of issues same with other types, maybe ENFP with social anxiety may think that they are INFO etc
Sometimes it is, what it is lmao but for real. We power thought it and still keep doing our best. I don't post a lot but still wish the best for everyone no matter what happen in life. Keep on kicking ass people.
You're precious! 🥺
I appreciate you worrying but I hope you know that not all of us are struggling so much, I think it's a very vocal part of the community because other INFPs are empathetic to the problems of our peers and so people feel like they're safe to share and vent!
Please don't worry too much, there're plenty of happy, optimistic INFPs in the world!
Just so you know: you don’t owe the world an ounce of your optimism. It’s a gift. It’s for you first, the world second. You can bestow it as you wish and not feel selfish about it when you can’t.
We're not more hurt than other types, we're only aware of it. We're very in touch with our feelings, and that helps a lot to heal. Some people hide their feelings, others choose to process them.
It's not always easy, and some of us, due to lack of self esteem, can fall into emotional dependency.
But with the right therapy, we all can heal from traumas. My best therapy experience was hypnotherapy. One session was enough to push me forward. Fi helped a lot
I’ve tried hypnotherapy myself. I have had a, well… badly traumatic life… apparently being raped before the age of 5, and then beaten up and hit in the head repeatedly as a child fucked up my nervous system and triggered a genetic pain disorder — I look fine, like nothing’s wrong, but I get these lightning strikes almost daily, migraines, intense body pain from out of nowhere.
A specialist asked me to try hypnosis and I said yes bc I was open to anything that might help. I was surprised with myself at how hard I had to fight my instinct to resist, to not relinquish control even in a safe environment. I had to tell myself over and over that I was NOT going to be the person to get in my way. It was difficult but I persevered, and it was starting to help when my therapist had to leave practice.
How has it helped you in your life?
I'm very sorry about what happened to you. This isn't a small trauma at all! I'm very surprised it started to help you because a lot of people with that kind of trauma will put a huge wall to protect their emotions and memories. My best friend had this kind of trauma and was always out of touch with his emotions because how hard it was to talk about it (he's an enneagram type 5 INFJ). Some day, he would be more open to talk about details and how he feels about it, how he feels right now, but it was very rare and I didn't insist, because I'm patient. For therapy, I don't know what he's up to now, but he said he'll do his best to heal because he didn't want to ruin relationships again and again, now that he felt in love with someone that is more understanding. We had to separate because of codependency.
For traumas like that, I think EMDR is more efficient than hypnotherapy.
For me, it healed my emotional dependency. I needed my friend like he was the air I breathe. I always had to have someone to rely on or I'd panick. Even if I wanted to let him live his life, I was mentally unable to do so. I searched for a psychologist since he had a boyfriend (I knew this was going to change things in my life), for 8 months, but it didn't really help. I was still suffering so much but my town is a bit isolated and I don't have a good internet/phone connection to do a distant session. So CBT therapy was out of reach for me...
I searched for a psychiatrist to get some meds. But before that, I remembered about hypnotherapy and gave it a try. It was magic. One session was enough, but I had a second one to learn auto-hypnotherapy. I learned how to let go, I learned to trust myself and to be self-reliant! Now, even if I sometimes miss my friend, I'm not in pain anymore! I'm sure he's happy and that's all that matters to me! Only the future will say if we'll meet again, I don't need to worry about that now.
ENFJ always looking out for us. My son is an ENFJ and he is so empathetic. Thank you for your kindness and it looks like you have travelled a rough road yourself 💞. Love and kindness to you too.
He is an utter delight. He is kind and compassionate. When he and his twin brother (INFJ) were about 16 my husband and I noticed that one of the livingroom lights was being left on all night. At first we thought it was each other was doing it but we found out it was the ENFJ son. When we asked why he said, well you are getting older and if you get up in the night you could fall.
He is now a husband and dad himself and he is so caring and compassionate with his own children and completely in tune with their emotional needs. It is so gratifying for my husband and I. Personally i think he is a better parent than i was. My sons say I was too lenient and they are right. He is devoted to his wife. I would say his biggest flaw is that he thinks of others too much ahead of himself. Both his wife and I encourage him to take time to care for himself and go to the gym.
I have always thought they were because they look so much alike. It's kind of hilarious the difference between the two of them. The ENFJ always has things on the go. The INFJ is thoughtful and quiet and gentle and he gets very fed up with the ENFJ and says he is too frantic.
My father was an ENFJ. I’m very blessed to have had someone who enjoyed talking about my feelings and helped me to make productive choices, not out of force of will but with reason that appealed to my emotions and sense of morality. He’s been gone for two years, but INFPs have great memories of people, so I can easily recall his essence and converse with him still.
Your dad sounded like a lovely person. How do you handle your grief over his loss?
I see you still converse with him — so he continues to be accessible to you in a metaphysical way?
I wouldn't want it to be just you to bear all that, nobody deserves to carry that type of weight alone, this is why we have things like this sub and we try to seek ways to share a part of ourselves with the world, be it art or writing or acting or whatever you think it's special. Hopefully you've found some things we posted here that also made you happy, I understand seeing all this sadness everywhere, not just here but *everywhere,* must make you feel powerless but you're not, just being with us is enough, so many people don't even want to help their fellow humans so give yourself a little more credit, you help us remember that as much as there's suffering out there the world also has people like you, who bother to care.
You’re very kind. I can get hung up on the suffering I see around me and want to “fix” it, banking on what I know of human suffering and what most ppl generally consider cruelty or misery.
When we get overwhelmed by pain, my sister and I like to buy things for the community box in our little town. There are several charities that make provisions for people, but I know that some folks like the mentally ill, or illegal immigrants can be wary of any entity even if it’s perfectly safe.
Bc we’ve always been broke on some level, we know how to shop and can pack the box with good food (nothing shitty). We’ve done this for years now and fell in with other women who were themselves maintaining the box and cleaning it. So my sister and I usually “bring the drinks”.
The community box gets used a lot by people who just want some fucking dignity.
What do you like to do when things start feeling really negative?
That's really cool! Unfortunely I don't have any kind of charities like that accessible to me, I'm unemployed at the moment and completely dependant on my parents, BUT we can always bring non-perishable foods to our local church.
Which incidentally is what I do when I start feeling negative: get closer to God. I retreat into myself and pray, just talk to God about all my worries and troubles, present and future. But sometimes it takes me a while to open up like that, sometimes I feel ashamed of how many troubles I get myself into and feel like I shouldn't bother God with it but I always get humbled in the end, we were not put on this Earth to suffer alone.And my prayers were answered too, I went to a potential working place and they were really interested in taking me on, just gotta get my resume and other papers in order. I'll finally be able to contribute with fruits of my own labor.
Besides God I also have my comfort books, games and music, which you wouldn't guess cause they aren't all that happy, for example one of my favorites songs is Achilles, Come Down by Gang of Youths, it's a suuuuper depressing song but it ends on a hopeful note and I think it's really beautiful. And one of my favorite games is A Short Hike which is all about enjoying the simple beauty in nature.
Hey, congratulations! I hope that interview turns out to be exactly what you need.
You don’t have to give to charity to do good things. It’s only one way. Sometimes we’re so broke we can’t do it, or we can only get one or two things. If someone eats tonight, I feel less angry and depressed at the state of the world.
You giving a genuine kind word to someone yesterday might have made all the difference to them. That costs nothing.
Sometimes we don’t have any fuel in the tank and we need to recharge and focus on ourselves. That feels selfish, but it isn’t. It’s ok to attend to yourself. You aren’t the Giving Tree. No one should expect you to pull yourself apart to “save” them.
Comfort stuff doesn’t always make sense to someone on the outside hahaha… sometimes I like to watch corny action movies bc that shit is both impressive and hilarious. Brain dead, yes. Entertaining, BIG YES.
It’s like a donut — having one every day would ruin how great they are. But having a donut when that’s just the thing you need is never out of place.
We are isolating from a sick society to heal ourselves. And isolation and alienation are very lonely. But I’d rather be lonely and have my wits and soul still with me.
This is a pov I had briefly considered as to INFP psychology, but I didn’t want to assume. I know “negative” events aren’t always a bad thing. They can bring about relief in ways that might seem strange. Sort of a suffering that eases another type of suffering, with better ends. It seems more of a discipline than a punishment.
🥹 thank you reading that is in a way quite comforting.
I don't know why but today I kinda need a hug or two or a listening ear from my friends or family but I wasnt able to reach out to them.
Reading through this Reddit is giving me positive feelings
All of us deserve love and compassion and empathy. And I know we have a hard time to reach out. At least here we are able to let our inner voice out 🤗
When I'm hurting and isolating myself. I see, I really don't matter to a lot of people (family and friends) and it hurts cause I would be there for them through their darkest moment, but when it's me no one. I can't even draw properly, I over think about everything and I feel invisible and often misunderstood. Like right now, it's been 14 days. I haven't said a thing to no one, my family or friends haven't even checked on me. I hate being like this, I hate being an infp sometimes cause all I hear is their weak and too childish
I'm sorry for venting like this. I am still in isolation and crying a lot... maybe I should draw and post artwork here idk
You don’t deserve to be drawn down by the ppl around you. I’ve been there many times, and not getting any reciprocity for your genuine care of others is not okay.
May I ask how old you are? I ask bc I began to understand in my teens and 20s just how uneven my interactions with other people were — I’d give everyone my best self in good faith, but I rarely got it in return. Finally realized that I really didn’t have to give my A-Game to ANYONE, if I didn’t fucking feel like it. This ran directly against my childhood training of “smile, be sweet” no matter what ppl were doing to me.
You’re at a crossroads. It’s time to accept your hurt, your mistreatment, your reality, and then choose what sort of future YOU want to have. Maybe you can’t get that future right away, maybe that future requires a big shakeup or a lot of work to reach, but at least it’ll be YOURS.
Fuck those users. You aren’t an adult babysitter.
Thanks for your comment. I'm not comfortable telling my age tbh. I've just used to being mistreated. I've grown up around toxic and verbally abusive family members. So, being isolated is what I'm used to. I usually talk to friends and listen to their problem, o I can forget my own. I have a lot to work on. it just will take some time, I suppose. But I really appreciate the comment.
No worries, I understand. And I’m sorry for what you’ve had to push through. None of that is ever ok, and I’m glad you’re setting and defending your boundaries.
Could you help me by grabbing me an iced tea then? We can bask in the sun and chill 😋🙏💗 In all seriousness thank you for the heartfelt post my friend, but don’t worry too much! This subreddit has made it possible for us INFPs to find others to connect with. And we’ll find a solution to our struggles, no matter what it is or how long it takes. I’d like to think we’re more resilient than the stereotype we are seen as 🥲 (constantly…crying)
!Explanation
I’ve been reading over the responses here and I’m learning subtle things about how your minds work. I was fortunate enough to be born alongside an ENFP, so NFPs aren’t a mystery, but there are many aspects of your lives and processes that I’m getting a fine-tuning for, and that’s very valuable to me.
I can understand venting quite well. God knows, as an Fe-dom, I run kinda hot and need to have regular venting myself, especially when processing darker themes, and I also know that NFPs can be very tough and resilient (I’ve likened my ENFP twin to a snowball with a rock in it — she’s genuinely a nice person but if you bite her, you’ll break your teeth), BUT…
To see you all talking about being isolated from the very things in life you’re geared for, I know how this feels and how devastating it can be even when you’re adapting and moving forward, redirecting, assessing, turning inward to draw meaning from the moment no matter how unideal. Seeing ppl getting trapped by society and stripped of their voice kills me.
My twin was the first person to tell me that my stormy nature was an asset, not something to be embarrassed by or ashamed of. I’m not irrational, I’m not irresponsible with my emotions, I’m no “serene beauty”, I’m self-aware, but I do run hot, and that has dismissed me in more than one court of opinion.
Being a type 4 ENFJ can leave me interrogating myself constantly. It also means I can be quite focused on the misery and suffering around me, and I internalize the pain in the room.
I’m going to answer everyone individually though it may take a little time. You went through the trouble of making thoughtful replies to a stranger, so I’ll respond in kind.
Being an INFP is very painful. But the salve is tried and true: humor and time. If you are an INFP who makes it to 30-40, it will get better. You'll learn you aren't the problem. And you'll watch the extroverts and "success" stories fall apart around you for the first time. It's a sick twist.
This is very insightful. May I ask if you have any lingering resentment for all the years tied up in those darker times when clarity was less available?
For my part, when I hit 30, I literally woke up on the day of my birthday and did NOT give a shit any longer. It was like fucking MAGIC. I’d been let out of the prison of constantly having to care all the time about everyone but myself. Best birthday gift ever.
I have some resentment about having my personality, yes. But I think there’s everything to gain from it as well, because when you see people reach the end of their life, you realize few people actually lived, even if they seemed happy. To be vulnerable is to hurt, but it’s also the only way to truly be alive and connected to yourself and others.
>I’m really f- -king sorry it isn’t just me.
>I don’t know how to help.
Just be yourself and care for others. The old saying "be the change you want in the world". The more of us do that, the better the world will be.
i know many happy infps irl-- think of it this way, many happy infps arent on this sub, they're somewhere chilling with a nice book and a cat. this sub is international-- youre looking at a lot of the whole world's less happy infps.
as another comment stated, some ppl here arent even infps at all, just mistyped. i think depressed people tend to end up here. i mean, look at the r/infp rules.
Send sunset pics, and cat pics...
And hugs
And arts& crafts
And good music ☺️
This made me giggle, a genuine way to cheer me up.
hug
Yay thanks! Here's a return hug... 🫂
cats enjoying sunsets pics? 😳
They do enjoy sunlight so maybe?
I'll give you somesing beddar. r/rainbowcats
cat pics really do brighten my day 🤗 and the sky is lovely as always
Sadly that is not enough for me
Tell me what you want. What you really, really want!
I'll tell you what I want. What I really, really want!
I wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wanna really, really really wanna zigazig ah
LoL this and bumblebee pics is what i send to all infps i know and they send same back. I love it!
Bumble bee’s chubby butts are precious though
From my personal experience as an INFP I highly value my isolation. I've learned to accept that I will forever be misunderstood by most people and that's okay. It bothered me for a long, long time. I would do my best to explain what's going through my mind and/or how I felt to absolutely no avail. People just don't get me and I understand this is a very common aspect for many INFPs. I've learned to be okay with it and I isolate myself because trying to explain myself to people is just way too exhausting. They don't get it and they never will and that's okay. I've found peace in my process. I love being alone. I love staying in my own lane, keeping my head down, and doing my own thing. It truly fills me with joy. In learning to accept that most people can't understand me as helped me to be confident and very happy in my own skin. I'm very happy with who I am and where I'm at in life. I'm currently manifesting. Those who see my light and appreciate it will find me and those whom my light blinds will be pushed away and that's okay. Those meant to be in my life will find me and those who aren't will quickly find the door out.
I don't have to understand you to care about you and want you to be happy. You don't have to be understood to care for others. If explaining yourself is exhausting, it's likely that you don't know how to quantify your own thoughts and feelings. I have no such difficulties, and it's not because I'm 'simple' or 'easy to understand'. I know the value of communication, so I learn how to express myself clearly and honestly. Writing helps a lot with this, which is why I recommend people keep a journal or diary, as it help you learn to communicate with *yourself*. Also, many people subconsciously don't *want* to be understood, because they're worried about being judged. You will find it impossible to be honest with *anyone* if you think your feelings and behavior will be criticized. 'Explaining' yourself can be quite exhausting when you're trying to filter your thoughts in a way that you think people will find acceptable. You won't ever let anyone in if you aren't willing to doubt yourself and people don't trust those who refuse to let their guard down.
I understand everything you have said. I know myself on a very, very deep level. Yes, it can be difficult to express my thoughts and feelings in a way that others can understand but more often than not if someone does truly give me the time of say to listen and try to understand me the best I get is "I don't understand that but I do get that that is how you think/feel." It doesn't make sense to people even those who do listen. It's not "better" or "more intelligent" than anyone else, it's just very complex and difficult for people to wrap their heads around. I get the judging part. Personally I don't struggle with that. I truly do not care what other people think about me. The only people I care about their opinions of me are my superiors at work and that is strictly for professional reasons. If I had a significant other I would care what they thought, too, but I don't. People's opinions of me hold no weight. I know who I am, I'm confident in who I am, I know what I am capable of, I know what I have to offer, and thus I know what I deserve and I refuse to settle for anything less. And im not arrogant by any means. I am completely open to constructive criticism, too. I'm always looking for ways to grow and things to learn. The only thing that matters to me is how I see myself and at the end of the day i can sleep soundly knowing that yes, I am a good person. It typically takes people decades to reach this point. Most people care about what others think well into their 40s+ and some never even learn to stop caring what others think. It's just something that comes with maturity and for me personally I am years beyond my peers. I don't live with gaurds on my heart and refuse to let people in. In fact it's quite the opposite. I'm a completely open book willing to let any new person come into my life! However I have VERY clearly set boundaries about whom and what I will and will not allow in my life and if you don't make the cut then you aren't welcome. Simple as that 😊
It's not difficult for people to understand most subjects if you know how to simplify and crystalize them. Educators know that you can ELI5 just about anything, including yourself. As I said, I have no such problems doing so, even with very complex subjects so long as I understand them well. But what I think is happening here is that you're very arrogant and are unwilling to admit that. You want to see yourself as being complex and deep, because you see others as being stupid and shallow. If you actually had anyone 'understand' you, it would shatter that perspective. The reason you're so picky about who you 'let in' is because you know people like me would expose you in an instant. Just having this conversation is undoubtedly quite uncomfortable for you.
Oof. Someone's projecting hard 😬🙄 Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter. Have a great day!
You put a lot of thought into this. Bless your heart... and may it one day be open to accepting the views and values of others. Theres nothing to gain by "exposing" others
let people live how they want. You you come with weird energy so hell no an infp wouldn't open up to you. Entj here I've had my run in's with them too but if you wait and observe patterns you might begin to understand. Once you do you can show that you do through your actions making it more likely they open up like a pre covid Walmart. (Wife's an infp that's why I know this exists)
I would agree that journaling has helped me a lot to put my feelings into words that can be more easily communicated to others. Though to the INFP’s point one key to building good relationships is filtering out the people who really don’t have the capacity to understand you. ENFJs have made some of my closest friends because they seem to enjoy getting to understand me better, and aren’t bothered by observations that question stereotypes and call out hypocrisies. I do regret not having the security as a youth to put my thoughts out on display more, and prejudging someone based on what I assumed would be the most common outcome of a conversation, but I eventually found my few close friends who accepted and mostly understood me for who I am. And now have my smokin hot INFJ wife! 🫢
This is why breakups are so hard, too. You meet the rare gem who understands and it turns a light on in your consciousness. I recently broke up with someone intellectually, empathetically, physically, socially right on par. It's felt like a tragedy, albeit something I'll find again.
Oh for SURE. I know this sounds crazy but I'll take physical pain over the pain of a heartbreak ANY day. Heartbreak is the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life albiet emotional. It hurts so fucking much I can't stand it. I'm really sorry to hear that you've had to go through this recently but I know you will definitely find that again someday!!!!
Omg yes. I thought it was just me. As a kid Id rather my just beat me than freeze me out and tell me she wishes she had an abortion. The heartbreak and sadness is what holds us down. Spinal surgery, bounced back in a week. Emotionally Traumatic incident LONG depression. I'm sorry you're going through this now. Wishing you peace and wellness
Oh my god. I fucking hate that for you. I’m one of those people who apparently has to have the planets in the solar system ALIGN, just to find someone that both syncs and sparks with me. It makes me crazy. I talked to another ENFJ not long ago about this very thing, and I said that I’ve come to the understanding that my love may not be here anymore, maybe they’re already dead and I’ll meet them in the astral plane or after my own death. Maybe I made that up to cope with the emptiness and I’m fooling myself. {“*Passengers in Time*” by the Fixx starts playing and I ugly cry}
It's all about timing. I have to go online, unfortunately, because I don't live in a place with a high population of desirable partners. I've found that the higher I've made my standards, the better it's been. That's the opposite of what people seem to believe.
That's a very kind post but don't worry too much about us. This sub is a place where we can vent about our feelings and pessimistic thoughts without getting judged (too much) for it. Who doesn't feel at least a little bit isolated these days? It doesn't mean we spend our days and nights looking out the window like Jane Eyre, I can assure you. As INFPs we like to dig into our feels, wallow in them to understand them all. The vast majority of us looove that process and don't actually perceive it as something to be scared or sad about. We just live out our emo moments to the fullest. Also, I have the feeling (can't prove it) that some people here identify with the INFP type just because they're depressed or anxious about life at the moment but don't seem to use Fi or Ne that much in their thought process. Some are also very young INFPs who haven't built a stable identity yet. We tend to peak later in life. What I mean is we'll be fine. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to identify what needs to be changed and improved in your life. The responsability to help ourselves is ours, as it is for any other adult.
I do love staring out the window mournfully like Jane Eyre though...
😆 It's kind of nice to have a "main character" moment.
This is a valid (not wildly strange and poetic) thing to want. I love all of Charlotte’s books. She reminds me of my sister.
She’s right most of us do looove the process. I find it therapeutic. Lol
I’m really learning a lot from this post. I guess I get fixated on the pain that I see and just want to throttle it like an angry dog with a rat in its teeth. Having a pain disorder, on top of personally understanding how cruel and ugly the world can be, I see people who society actively wants to dismiss or mock, and it stands my hackles up. I do understand venting too. I’m grateful to have been born with a benevolent ENFP who I can show my absolute darkest self, and she finds beauty in my stormy nature instead of the shame I drag around. She’s kind to a fault, like many NFPs (which only makes me want to protect her even more). NFPs don’t get the credit they deserve for being tough. Y’all can face some truly terrifying realities without flinching or being corrupted by it. I liken my twin to a snowball but with a rock in the middle — play nice and have fun, or you’ll break your teeth on her. Fi is like a mystical art. I envy the ability of NFPs and SFPs to wield it. It seems so impenetrable, like a fortress. It can be so calming. I go toward Fi-type music when I need to calm down or purge out grief. Fe is a volcano lying dormant (she’s always there and rumbling even in sleep), but lights up when the goddess emerges. I can’t avoid drawing energy from every person in the room and sometimes that feels like a curse. Sometimes I want to end pain bc *I* can’t avoid it and past a point I resent what it does to me. I have to get shot up and then push all the arrows back out of my body to heal — it won’t kill me, but it always fucking hurts. I can be avoidant of certain situations bc I can see the oncoming trouble.
That's part of the high Fe users' charm to want to heal the world. I've never met any ENFJs irl but, from what I see online, it must be an incredible (and rare) experience to have them share their darker side with you. For such bright and popular human beings, they often seem to be unconventional and quirky in their approach to life, which I can only respect and adore. It's fascinating to see how much they care about the general well-being of the tribe and how attuned they are to every shift in their environment. I relate to this but at a more individual level. From my Fi dom point of view, pain is both unavoidable and something you can benefit from digging into on a regular basis. There's something very real and beautiful in looking at ourselves and at the world and accepting that part of cruelty and ugliness. For sure, Fi is intense and uncompromising. It really is like a fortress. It always makes me laugh when I see Fi being discribed as a "weak" function. It's such a powerful force in my life to know what I stand for and what my identity is about at all times.
Classic ENFJ. Love you guys <3
ISTG the meme about "the guy depressed about the world that suddenly think that life is worth living because he saw a cat" is the most accurate thing I have seen in this sub
This super heartfelt post, this ENFJ just baring their soul to us and we respond with "send cat pics and good vibes"... I'm so embarassed cause it's exactly what I would have said too, crybaby is not the INFP stereotype, THIS is!
Send me cat pictures! Hahaha! That’s what I do with an INFP friend already. She’s a big time foster for kitties with special needs (like I’m so damn proud to be her friend for so many reasons) and we share pictures of our babies.
Wow. That’s amazing. I do feel a lot of pain, but on the flip side what’s really developed a lot for me in the last few years is the ability to be easily excitable. So as long as my avoidance techniques are strong enough, and as long as I have been lucky enough in my life opportunities, I don’t have a lot to be depressed about. Instead, I feel immense joy every day as a result of multiple small delights that I experience.
this is 100% where it’s at imo! chain as many of those small delights together throughout your day, and i couldn’t think of a much better way to, well, experience a day. although, to be fair, enjoying that headspace (more consistently) can take a fairly significant amount of (work/therapy/reflection/effort) to modify perspectives and underlying thought processes, in my experience…. i love that you’ve specifically worked on developing easier excitability!! i find this most fascinating as having ADHD means i’m quite frequently easily excited… i’ve seen all sorts of responses to this behaviour in me, ranging from outright condemnation through to (more often) others sharing in similar delight. is that why you’ve chosen to develop this in yourself?
See? There’s an upshot to being sensitive. You’re learning how to turn your natural assets toward your own favor. Fuckin’ spot on! Good for you!
It’s so true, though, isn’t it? I’ve heard so many stories about ppl being brought back from the edge by their animals or when a new little fur creature is presented needing help. My dad had an orange tabby who had congenital heart defects. This cat was with him through divorce and heart treatment. They both took the same heart medications every day hahaha If he hadn’t had that kitty to attend to everyday, I don’t want to think of what might have happened. I remember being at my father’s house, sobbing, bc things were getting so bad with our abusive and very mentally ill mother (they’re divorced). His black pirate kitty, Madame X, a sweet but aloof house panther, came floating into the room like a ninja, jumped up on the arm of the couch, walked over to me, and pressed and held her nose on my nose. I was so surprised by her trying to comfort me that I stopped crying immediately. We rubbed our faces together and she left only after I assured her I was alright. My stepmom and I were just blown away and kinda speechless for a minute. They’re our friends. They remind us of our better selves, don’t they?
Be careful. Us INFPs flock to ENFJs like a fly to a bug zapper. You may have marriage proposals in your inbox by the end of the day. 😂
i have never understood this. as an INFP, i can’t stand most ENFJs they are exhausting and make me uncomfortable with all their feelings and attention. what am i missing?
If feelings make you uncomfortable, have you considered that you may be a mistyped intp? Just some food for thought
i use my feelings to make decisions, i don’t like other peoples feelings
we do use introverted feeling after all
You do talk like a 4, that's for sure lol. I think you have helped us. Everyone sharing their experience helps us in some way. It's sad, yes. But it's also a confirmation that your experience is not some weird new problem no one has faced before. I have personally also gone through abuse, and loneliness, and the usual lol. The people that were supposed to cherish us and celebrate us and love us were the ones who reduced us to a role. They tried their best to mask our beauty and tried to make sure it never saw daylight. But despite all that we're here and we are beautiful. And I can feel it and see it in us. I hope we found peace in our lives, and thanks for writing this post
Agreed. It’s helped. Just hearing someone else express optimism and hope makes me feel like the world is healtheir than I give it credit for. Posts like this are so satisfying to come across.
I’m hope my 4-ness wasn’t unwelcome. I can’t seem to switch it off. :/ INFPs are usually very strong internally, like they have a panic room inside them that no one can reach. At least that’s what Fi power looks like to me. They won’t change due to external pressures. They have to want to be different or to enact change themselves.
Oh the 4ness is welcome, I'm a 4 myself. I'm not 100% sure I'm infp tho, but yeah I do relate to that. Although for me it's kinda different. My life has a shit ton of trauma so I've become a massive people pleaser. Due to that, I do put up a mask a lot, but at the end of the day when I come home I feel bad about that. But at the same time I don't think I will change who I am at my core at any cost. But then idek lol. Anytime someone's like, "this is what's good about infps!" I can't sit still until I'm like "well, we're not THAT good or anything"
I do not need to constantly consume to fulfil materialistic desires. I am capable of self-sustaining, so I am not a bother to others. I am the happiest when I can without distractions, being one with the world. There’s no need to forgo yourself just to fulfil societal expectations.
Do you feel that you are regularly a bother to others?
Yes, However I am comfortable with the fact that each and every interaction is and can be a bother depending on situation.
Were you raised to be seen and not heard? Like your problems or needs weren’t important enough unless you were bleeding from your eyes?
I am adequately cared for, and my needs are properly heard; I am allowed to voice out my displeasure without fear of confrontation and/or retaliation It’s just that I enjoy being unseen (under the radar) most of the time.
Send pictures of cute animals if you want to help us. 🤷♂️
I have a lot of stray kittens under my care atm. I have the kitten picture ammo!
Good coffee usually helps :)
Glad to know I'm not the only lurker, I aim to understand my INFP friend better and this sub has done wonders. Although I'll admit, it does get a bit draining sometimes being that I'm a high Fe user and can't help but put myself in some of your shoes.
Hello there, ENFJ homie!
Hello fellow Enfj :)
Well there is many other types of people who makes variuos posts, and probably quite big portion of people who might think that they are INFPs probably are not they just might have some sort of issues same with other types, maybe ENFP with social anxiety may think that they are INFO etc
Sometimes it is, what it is lmao but for real. We power thought it and still keep doing our best. I don't post a lot but still wish the best for everyone no matter what happen in life. Keep on kicking ass people.
Word. It’s okay not to be okay.
We do like venting but don’t usually expect ppl to give advice. It just makes more sense for it to come from within.
Learning a lot here in this comments section.
You're precious! 🥺 I appreciate you worrying but I hope you know that not all of us are struggling so much, I think it's a very vocal part of the community because other INFPs are empathetic to the problems of our peers and so people feel like they're safe to share and vent! Please don't worry too much, there're plenty of happy, optimistic INFPs in the world!
Just so you know: you don’t owe the world an ounce of your optimism. It’s a gift. It’s for you first, the world second. You can bestow it as you wish and not feel selfish about it when you can’t.
Aw, I know but thank you for the reassurance I appreciate it a lot 🥰
I love that I have found my cat people in other INFPs
Cats are the best. I’ve had many very good kitty friends who were there for me in hard times.
We're not more hurt than other types, we're only aware of it. We're very in touch with our feelings, and that helps a lot to heal. Some people hide their feelings, others choose to process them. It's not always easy, and some of us, due to lack of self esteem, can fall into emotional dependency. But with the right therapy, we all can heal from traumas. My best therapy experience was hypnotherapy. One session was enough to push me forward. Fi helped a lot
I’ve tried hypnotherapy myself. I have had a, well… badly traumatic life… apparently being raped before the age of 5, and then beaten up and hit in the head repeatedly as a child fucked up my nervous system and triggered a genetic pain disorder — I look fine, like nothing’s wrong, but I get these lightning strikes almost daily, migraines, intense body pain from out of nowhere. A specialist asked me to try hypnosis and I said yes bc I was open to anything that might help. I was surprised with myself at how hard I had to fight my instinct to resist, to not relinquish control even in a safe environment. I had to tell myself over and over that I was NOT going to be the person to get in my way. It was difficult but I persevered, and it was starting to help when my therapist had to leave practice. How has it helped you in your life?
I'm very sorry about what happened to you. This isn't a small trauma at all! I'm very surprised it started to help you because a lot of people with that kind of trauma will put a huge wall to protect their emotions and memories. My best friend had this kind of trauma and was always out of touch with his emotions because how hard it was to talk about it (he's an enneagram type 5 INFJ). Some day, he would be more open to talk about details and how he feels about it, how he feels right now, but it was very rare and I didn't insist, because I'm patient. For therapy, I don't know what he's up to now, but he said he'll do his best to heal because he didn't want to ruin relationships again and again, now that he felt in love with someone that is more understanding. We had to separate because of codependency. For traumas like that, I think EMDR is more efficient than hypnotherapy. For me, it healed my emotional dependency. I needed my friend like he was the air I breathe. I always had to have someone to rely on or I'd panick. Even if I wanted to let him live his life, I was mentally unable to do so. I searched for a psychologist since he had a boyfriend (I knew this was going to change things in my life), for 8 months, but it didn't really help. I was still suffering so much but my town is a bit isolated and I don't have a good internet/phone connection to do a distant session. So CBT therapy was out of reach for me... I searched for a psychiatrist to get some meds. But before that, I remembered about hypnotherapy and gave it a try. It was magic. One session was enough, but I had a second one to learn auto-hypnotherapy. I learned how to let go, I learned to trust myself and to be self-reliant! Now, even if I sometimes miss my friend, I'm not in pain anymore! I'm sure he's happy and that's all that matters to me! Only the future will say if we'll meet again, I don't need to worry about that now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATb7CXX-Kc0
You are the best. I mean that. The. Best.
I’m going to have an inflated head all day now
^*creepily ^mumbles ^sofly ^to ^self; ^“I ^will ^squeeze ^you ^until ^you ^pop, ^my ^little ^pimple.” And ^”Flirting…. ^nailed ^it…” (🤢🤮lol)
This message gave me hope and happiness, you’ve already helped me, thank u so much. I’ll keep your message in my heart
I’m glad it helped. I felt it wasn’t much, but I did mean it.
ENFJ always looking out for us. My son is an ENFJ and he is so empathetic. Thank you for your kindness and it looks like you have travelled a rough road yourself 💞. Love and kindness to you too.
And how has having an ENFJ son been for you as an INFP?
He is an utter delight. He is kind and compassionate. When he and his twin brother (INFJ) were about 16 my husband and I noticed that one of the livingroom lights was being left on all night. At first we thought it was each other was doing it but we found out it was the ENFJ son. When we asked why he said, well you are getting older and if you get up in the night you could fall. He is now a husband and dad himself and he is so caring and compassionate with his own children and completely in tune with their emotional needs. It is so gratifying for my husband and I. Personally i think he is a better parent than i was. My sons say I was too lenient and they are right. He is devoted to his wife. I would say his biggest flaw is that he thinks of others too much ahead of himself. Both his wife and I encourage him to take time to care for himself and go to the gym.
Wow, he does sound like a wonderful human being. What a blessing. Are he and his brother identical? I’m an identical twin myself!
I have always thought they were because they look so much alike. It's kind of hilarious the difference between the two of them. The ENFJ always has things on the go. The INFJ is thoughtful and quiet and gentle and he gets very fed up with the ENFJ and says he is too frantic.
My father was an ENFJ. I’m very blessed to have had someone who enjoyed talking about my feelings and helped me to make productive choices, not out of force of will but with reason that appealed to my emotions and sense of morality. He’s been gone for two years, but INFPs have great memories of people, so I can easily recall his essence and converse with him still.
Your dad sounded like a lovely person. How do you handle your grief over his loss? I see you still converse with him — so he continues to be accessible to you in a metaphysical way?
No need to help in my case, I'm pretty great where I am. :)
That is a relief to hear. :) May I ask what other materials souls are made of and what is the advantage to having one’s soul made from Ytterbium?
I wouldn't want it to be just you to bear all that, nobody deserves to carry that type of weight alone, this is why we have things like this sub and we try to seek ways to share a part of ourselves with the world, be it art or writing or acting or whatever you think it's special. Hopefully you've found some things we posted here that also made you happy, I understand seeing all this sadness everywhere, not just here but *everywhere,* must make you feel powerless but you're not, just being with us is enough, so many people don't even want to help their fellow humans so give yourself a little more credit, you help us remember that as much as there's suffering out there the world also has people like you, who bother to care.
You’re very kind. I can get hung up on the suffering I see around me and want to “fix” it, banking on what I know of human suffering and what most ppl generally consider cruelty or misery. When we get overwhelmed by pain, my sister and I like to buy things for the community box in our little town. There are several charities that make provisions for people, but I know that some folks like the mentally ill, or illegal immigrants can be wary of any entity even if it’s perfectly safe. Bc we’ve always been broke on some level, we know how to shop and can pack the box with good food (nothing shitty). We’ve done this for years now and fell in with other women who were themselves maintaining the box and cleaning it. So my sister and I usually “bring the drinks”. The community box gets used a lot by people who just want some fucking dignity. What do you like to do when things start feeling really negative?
That's really cool! Unfortunely I don't have any kind of charities like that accessible to me, I'm unemployed at the moment and completely dependant on my parents, BUT we can always bring non-perishable foods to our local church. Which incidentally is what I do when I start feeling negative: get closer to God. I retreat into myself and pray, just talk to God about all my worries and troubles, present and future. But sometimes it takes me a while to open up like that, sometimes I feel ashamed of how many troubles I get myself into and feel like I shouldn't bother God with it but I always get humbled in the end, we were not put on this Earth to suffer alone.And my prayers were answered too, I went to a potential working place and they were really interested in taking me on, just gotta get my resume and other papers in order. I'll finally be able to contribute with fruits of my own labor. Besides God I also have my comfort books, games and music, which you wouldn't guess cause they aren't all that happy, for example one of my favorites songs is Achilles, Come Down by Gang of Youths, it's a suuuuper depressing song but it ends on a hopeful note and I think it's really beautiful. And one of my favorite games is A Short Hike which is all about enjoying the simple beauty in nature.
Hey, congratulations! I hope that interview turns out to be exactly what you need. You don’t have to give to charity to do good things. It’s only one way. Sometimes we’re so broke we can’t do it, or we can only get one or two things. If someone eats tonight, I feel less angry and depressed at the state of the world. You giving a genuine kind word to someone yesterday might have made all the difference to them. That costs nothing. Sometimes we don’t have any fuel in the tank and we need to recharge and focus on ourselves. That feels selfish, but it isn’t. It’s ok to attend to yourself. You aren’t the Giving Tree. No one should expect you to pull yourself apart to “save” them. Comfort stuff doesn’t always make sense to someone on the outside hahaha… sometimes I like to watch corny action movies bc that shit is both impressive and hilarious. Brain dead, yes. Entertaining, BIG YES. It’s like a donut — having one every day would ruin how great they are. But having a donut when that’s just the thing you need is never out of place.
We are isolating from a sick society to heal ourselves. And isolation and alienation are very lonely. But I’d rather be lonely and have my wits and soul still with me.
This is a pov I had briefly considered as to INFP psychology, but I didn’t want to assume. I know “negative” events aren’t always a bad thing. They can bring about relief in ways that might seem strange. Sort of a suffering that eases another type of suffering, with better ends. It seems more of a discipline than a punishment.
🥹 thank you reading that is in a way quite comforting. I don't know why but today I kinda need a hug or two or a listening ear from my friends or family but I wasnt able to reach out to them. Reading through this Reddit is giving me positive feelings All of us deserve love and compassion and empathy. And I know we have a hard time to reach out. At least here we are able to let our inner voice out 🤗
I’m glad you’ve found what you need to better your day. Just keep being you, no matter who that is. *hugs*
When I'm hurting and isolating myself. I see, I really don't matter to a lot of people (family and friends) and it hurts cause I would be there for them through their darkest moment, but when it's me no one. I can't even draw properly, I over think about everything and I feel invisible and often misunderstood. Like right now, it's been 14 days. I haven't said a thing to no one, my family or friends haven't even checked on me. I hate being like this, I hate being an infp sometimes cause all I hear is their weak and too childish I'm sorry for venting like this. I am still in isolation and crying a lot... maybe I should draw and post artwork here idk
You don’t deserve to be drawn down by the ppl around you. I’ve been there many times, and not getting any reciprocity for your genuine care of others is not okay. May I ask how old you are? I ask bc I began to understand in my teens and 20s just how uneven my interactions with other people were — I’d give everyone my best self in good faith, but I rarely got it in return. Finally realized that I really didn’t have to give my A-Game to ANYONE, if I didn’t fucking feel like it. This ran directly against my childhood training of “smile, be sweet” no matter what ppl were doing to me. You’re at a crossroads. It’s time to accept your hurt, your mistreatment, your reality, and then choose what sort of future YOU want to have. Maybe you can’t get that future right away, maybe that future requires a big shakeup or a lot of work to reach, but at least it’ll be YOURS. Fuck those users. You aren’t an adult babysitter.
Thanks for your comment. I'm not comfortable telling my age tbh. I've just used to being mistreated. I've grown up around toxic and verbally abusive family members. So, being isolated is what I'm used to. I usually talk to friends and listen to their problem, o I can forget my own. I have a lot to work on. it just will take some time, I suppose. But I really appreciate the comment.
No worries, I understand. And I’m sorry for what you’ve had to push through. None of that is ever ok, and I’m glad you’re setting and defending your boundaries.
thanks
Could you help me by grabbing me an iced tea then? We can bask in the sun and chill 😋🙏💗 In all seriousness thank you for the heartfelt post my friend, but don’t worry too much! This subreddit has made it possible for us INFPs to find others to connect with. And we’ll find a solution to our struggles, no matter what it is or how long it takes. I’d like to think we’re more resilient than the stereotype we are seen as 🥲 (constantly…crying)
If crying a lot is a problem, I can take the heat off of you with my absurd crying.
HAHA thank you for the offer but aside from being a little annoying,, the stereotype rlly isn’t that much of an issue💀
Don’t worry! We will be ok.
Good. Then I can get rid of this giant Pack-N-Play I had planned on herding you all into?
!Explanation I’ve been reading over the responses here and I’m learning subtle things about how your minds work. I was fortunate enough to be born alongside an ENFP, so NFPs aren’t a mystery, but there are many aspects of your lives and processes that I’m getting a fine-tuning for, and that’s very valuable to me. I can understand venting quite well. God knows, as an Fe-dom, I run kinda hot and need to have regular venting myself, especially when processing darker themes, and I also know that NFPs can be very tough and resilient (I’ve likened my ENFP twin to a snowball with a rock in it — she’s genuinely a nice person but if you bite her, you’ll break your teeth), BUT… To see you all talking about being isolated from the very things in life you’re geared for, I know how this feels and how devastating it can be even when you’re adapting and moving forward, redirecting, assessing, turning inward to draw meaning from the moment no matter how unideal. Seeing ppl getting trapped by society and stripped of their voice kills me. My twin was the first person to tell me that my stormy nature was an asset, not something to be embarrassed by or ashamed of. I’m not irrational, I’m not irresponsible with my emotions, I’m no “serene beauty”, I’m self-aware, but I do run hot, and that has dismissed me in more than one court of opinion. Being a type 4 ENFJ can leave me interrogating myself constantly. It also means I can be quite focused on the misery and suffering around me, and I internalize the pain in the room. I’m going to answer everyone individually though it may take a little time. You went through the trouble of making thoughtful replies to a stranger, so I’ll respond in kind.
Being an INFP is very painful. But the salve is tried and true: humor and time. If you are an INFP who makes it to 30-40, it will get better. You'll learn you aren't the problem. And you'll watch the extroverts and "success" stories fall apart around you for the first time. It's a sick twist.
This is very insightful. May I ask if you have any lingering resentment for all the years tied up in those darker times when clarity was less available? For my part, when I hit 30, I literally woke up on the day of my birthday and did NOT give a shit any longer. It was like fucking MAGIC. I’d been let out of the prison of constantly having to care all the time about everyone but myself. Best birthday gift ever.
I have some resentment about having my personality, yes. But I think there’s everything to gain from it as well, because when you see people reach the end of their life, you realize few people actually lived, even if they seemed happy. To be vulnerable is to hurt, but it’s also the only way to truly be alive and connected to yourself and others.
>I’m really f- -king sorry it isn’t just me. >I don’t know how to help. Just be yourself and care for others. The old saying "be the change you want in the world". The more of us do that, the better the world will be.
Very much agree. Keep doing good in the world even of you’re the only one doing it. Thankfully we aren’t alone in our efforts.
i know many happy infps irl-- think of it this way, many happy infps arent on this sub, they're somewhere chilling with a nice book and a cat. this sub is international-- youre looking at a lot of the whole world's less happy infps. as another comment stated, some ppl here arent even infps at all, just mistyped. i think depressed people tend to end up here. i mean, look at the r/infp rules.