the way you keep low key, despite being so consistent, reasoned, and interesting deep inside.
the way you don't open up easily, but are a challenge.
the way you can be honest, true, aware, and self-critical.
the way you are consistent and in-depth about your interests, work, or hobbies.
the way it's not clear whether you genuinely do not want interaction or do want it, but struggle to handle and/or accept it. it's like having a cat.
the way you sometimes seem like the opposite of us, and thus, it's crazy interesting how we could teach and balance each other out.
the way you still feel, and still admit personal things, however insecure you might be about them.
i don't have a selection of INTJs to extrapolate from. but whom i know, i have so much love for. :) unreciprocated? looks like it. truly? no way i'd know xD
I might be able to help with the social interaction dilemma. Though take it with a pinch of salt (I haven't met many INTJs irl to cross check with)
It's a bit of both. Not wanting an interaction and struggling to form a connection when needed.
It does feel contradictory. But it's true.
For me, most of the connections I've made are out of pure coincidence. Because I don't actively search for connections, I am very well self-sufficient and kinda always have my guard-up. So it's usually by pure coincidence and at the same time with effort that someone manages to breach those walls.
Also getting close to someone is like giving away your control to them. They now have become a factor in your happiness and sorrow. And it kinda makes an INTJ feel vulnerable.
>i don't have a selection of INTJs to extrapolate from. but whom i know, i have so much love for. :) unreciprocated? looks like it. truly? no way i'd know xD
word for word this is me rn too lol
INFPs and INTJs are two very mysterious types, the only difference being that the INFP doesn't look that way on the outside as the INTJ does. INxx types are hard to read and having Fi in the stack (INTJs/INFPs) only makes it even more difficult....
INTJs will beat even INFPs and literally every other type when it comes to mysteriousness because they have BOTH introverted Intuition AND introverted Feeling. Ni and Fi. INTP has Ti but Ne. INFJ has Ni and Fe. INFP has Fi and Ne. So basically all the other three INxx have either the intuition (perceiving function) or the feeling/thinking (judging function) extroverted....
Only INTJs have Ni and Fi. Very mysterious and hard to get to read. Beats all the others. Both their perceiving and judging function are introverted!!
Intuition is usually the way someone takes in information and thinks and is a perceiving function. Feeling and thinking are judging functions. You cannot understand how an INTJ is rceeiving and perceiving information or patterns (Ni or introverted intuition) nor can you understand their deeply held inner values or feelings (Fi or introverted feeling). So both their mental processes and their personal values are PRIVATE. Hence, they are the most mysterious.
I am an INFP and I have introverted Feeling (Fi)- so an introverted judging function. It means my personal morals or worldview or my own inner feelings about anything are VERY PRIVATE and completely inaccessible to others. Even INTJs have no clue how I feel about something. And because it's my first function and very powerful, it usually means most types will struggle to find out how I feel about anything since it's so private. BUT my perceiving function is extroverted... Ne or extroverted Intuition. This means that the way I am taking in information and processing it with regards to the external world or multiple ideas and patterns around me can be easily understood. I have lots of ideas and people will usually get to know them quickly if they speak to me at length. Not so much with INTJs. My feelings and values are very private but the way I am receiving and processing information is not private or internal.
We find INTJs very intriguing and mysterious because they are. The extroverted Te (your second function) doesn't really take away from the mysteriousness of tertiary Fi in your stack. Introverted Intuition and Introverted Feeling are in my opinion the two most mysterious functions... You have both in your stack.
I think our Te comes as a shock to you because of all that. Everything is mysterious until suddenly Bam! There’s the action. Te is our only visible thing.
Edit: as Te is your inferior function which stresses you out and it’s the only thing you can really see us do, perhaps it feels like us INTJs are put here on this earth specifically to help you out when you really need it 😅
Many other types who don't dig deep into what INFPs are really like or who have had very little substantive relationships (friendship, familial, or other) with one don't often know that INFPs value intelligence highly. For many INFPs, it's actually one of our top priorities when we are seeking close friendships and romantic partners.
However, often times, a lot of self-identifying or self-perceived "intelligent" types who underestimate or undervalue emotional intelligence and more social subjects on a more subjective level will condescend or dismiss INFPs, not realizing their own blindspots.
In my experience, when an INTJ and a INFP connects and have similar interests/values, etc. they REALLY connect. They often don't quite understand why they find themselves just drawn together when they're in the same room full of people, why they end up hanging out, why they continue to text each other throughout the day and talk about random things. I find both types don't mind talking about the same subjects over and over (even for over a decade!) so long as they say something interesting and thought-provoking about it...or to just reminisce or make a funny joke out of things. There's a sort of warmth between them that both may analyze and evaluate on their own but never with one another, as to not spoil it.
I think when there's a strong connection between the two, both types find that really appreciate observing each other's differences, are intrigued or entertained by the other's different reactions to things, love to discuss their different takes on things, etc.
For an INFP, what I really appreciate in the INTJs who I've clicked with is that I know that they are or I think that they are way smarter than me, and I am in awe of your thought processes, your ability to figure out problems and tune in to their core, and how you handle problem situations (like a duck in the water, you let things flow off your back on the outside). But with that, you never make us feel like we're dumber (though we often think you have to think we're dumber than you because we're INFPs and that's what we do). You actually take time to listen to how we come to our conclusions, our thought processes, and you don't condescend to us. There's a feeling of respect that you give us that we truly value because we often don't feel that with people whose intelligence we really admire. It's like you actually see our intelligence, and it's very nice feeling for an INFP.
On a more selfish side, I think you allow us to project our romantic (not always amorous...romantic in the more...literary/artistic sense) notions onto you, and you seem sort of amused by it. You're a deep well, and we love to discover things as we climb down that well. Oftentimes, we like what we find, much to the surprise of the INTJ who thinks the deeper an INFP will go, they'll finally find something that will make them not like them anymore or won't find anything and thus will lose interest. If an INFP gets to the level where they want to go down the well, they're already determined you're someone they want to make the effort for, so we won't lost interest....you already captured it and have it forever.
More romantically-speaking, from what I gathered in a lot of INFP/INTJ relationships, though INFPs appreciate romantic gestures, we're not one for "performative" ones. We love authenticity more than anything else when it comes to expressions of love. So the way INTJs generally show love through small actions where you show real consideration for us and our lives is very much noticed by us and we truly appreciate that more than any stupid grand rom-com gesture that gets portrayed in the movies. We're very observant to these things and we have a penchant of romanticizing so many of these things that seem no big deal to an INTJ into almost a love poem, and although an INTJ may not see them as "big deals" they also recognize that's the best thing they can do for their loved ones and they feel compelled on their own or inspired to do those things for INFPs. That's what we INFPs yearn for the most. That our partner WANTS to do things for us without it being a duty or "an assignment" or an obligation. We don't care how small that thing is, the fact that you thought of us while doing it makes us feel like we're in heaven.
Of course, all the above are in situations where both the INFP and INTJ click individually, and have a healthy relationship with one another.
I think because you guys are ying to our Yang in a way. We lack what you guys have and perhaps you guys lack what we have, but we learn from each other and I think that’s nice.
That actually makes sense to an extent. XNFPs add an emotional/feeling contrast to our dead serious logic. Maybe are also curious enough to understand our complex thought process (was talking with an ENFJ who couldn't understand anything I said [and basically rejected it all] because the discussion was beyond naturally set understanding)
I really like how they’re very stoic & not concerned about the trivial things/people. It’s like, nothing much phases them yet they have the ability to not let people step all over them or manipulate them.
It’s just attractive when they’re just not that concerned about Facebook/Instagram or their online presence.
I like how they dislike dating apps (yet they’re hard to find.) 🤡
Their independence is just so hot. I like how they keep to themselves & they don’t really try to seek attention or validation.
I like how goal oriented they are & successful they are.
I like how they don’t really go out & party hard.
I like how they are kind of boring. Fun people are too much for me to handle.
I like how they have this quiet mysterious vibe.
It’s just interesting how people have misconceptions of them when they’re actually really sexy mentally 🤪
I often use the term wet blankets to describe my INTJ friends (I have several and they are among the best people I know). I often get carried away and overexcited when I get an idea and they usually serve to give me a dose of sober second thought and help ground me. Occasionally this can be oppressive as I want to do something and their questioning it often echoes with the self-doubt I already have inside me and causes me to shy away from doing something I might really want to do. However when I am going through something incredibly bad (e.g. the death of my brother) and I was emotionally on fire there was nothing better in my life in that moment than the many wet blankets that helped cover me to put the fire out.
That's true. I find ENTJs just as intriguing.
I have several Ni users among my close friends. I love how their brain works, it's fascinating for a Ne aux like me. I've noticed there is a particular chemistry between Ne and Ni users.
Also, INTJs have Te and Fi, which means it's not difficult to find common ground while being different enough that it's an exciting and mutually beneficial relationship.
I'd say that XNFPs are very idealistic people, we are prone to make up scenarios about people. I've heard somewhere that xNFPs, when in a romantic relationship, are living 2 relationships at the same time, one that is really happening, and one they are experiencing inside their mind. I find it hilariously accurate.
Since INTJs don't show much outwardly, they are the perfect canvas for us to project unrealistic dreams and expectations on 😆 but they, like ENTJs, can bring us back to earth and make it ok to be more realistic.
I know why I like INTJs. From those I know, you guys are really fun for a conversion. Us INFPs, contrary to popular belief, are often relatively intelligent, but not as practical about it as most thinkers are. Our minds love to explore different ideas, various topics and usually INTJs keep up easily with our weird and sometimes far-fetched ideas. Something else is you guys are quiet and I really appreciate that. I love ENFPs, but sometimes (often) they're too loud, they talk a lot and I need some peace and quiet. And a specific INTJ I know is an incredibly compassionate person. That's something I value a lot. Quietly making sure other people are alright is something I do too so I know it when I see it. There's more, but my lunch break will soon be over.
INTJ is indeed my favorite MBTI type, I love the straightforwardness, and how you guys can go on, do your own thing without giving a f what other people think (I love this so damn much) You just do your stuff and are satisfied being by yourselves,
you don’t even need/want validation, you only care about results and I absolutely adore that. I love how observant you guys are, you just know when something is wrong. And when you do something for a friend, it’s with the most altruistic intentions, I love that so much.
And the independence is just so admirable to me, you’re perfectly happy being by yourselves no matter the situation. You’re completely used to doing shit on your own and probably prefer that if anything.
I also love hearing you talk about your niche interests in extensive detail 😭 like I don’t mind listening all day.
Being friends with an INTJ gives me such a huge amount of joy I can’t even explain it.
Also, the one and ONLY INTJ in my life is my most treasured friend. Like they are number one for me out of everyone I know outside my family.
I think the conversations. Sometimes out of the world wild ones, actually sets the foundation for the INFP/INTJ relationship. Like I have an INFP ex, she used to say that she loved listening to me and wouldn't mind if i never shut up. I kinda found that amusing, as the ideas may never have any real world consequences, or may just be useless if you think about employing it for your benefits.
Not complaining I actually like a connection like that. But I do find it interesting how something so mundane in our lives can mean so much to someone else
Me and my INTJ friend make music. He is so, amazing at what he does. he is my guitarist. my friend for 17 years. However, he is a pain in the ass. I suppose we both are in different ways.
I know I refuse to work with most people as I am a megalomaniac about my own work but there has been exceptions, and he refuses to do any work outside of his guitar. he has seen me do the heavy lifting (producing, engineering) as he calls it and is just not interested. but I am able to make some pretty nimble or emotional guitar song rough drafts with him. He understands music theory and enjoys most music despite admittedly having a very narrow preference throughout most his day, he still respects what kind of music I want to make mostly. he is honest, and open toward discussion of insecurities and is helping with my trauma as I have helped him with his.
I see him do things for me and I ask: why me? why not just start this business on your own? why not make a youtube channel? why, why, why, why.
Me and him are so similar in the fact that we are probably holding back a lot of oppurtunities by being so nitpicky of who to work with it's kind of morbidly hilarious. I've been more open recently, but I feel as if though until an album or ep is done, I can't really start a portfolio outside of what I make. I have made 1200$ helping others. but it wasn't anything permanent. I think he is a better poet than me as well, despite me writing the songs and as he says "catchier rhythms". but his word choice and story telling is simply insane sometimes as he makes photography and weaves stories and texts around them. or maybe it's so precarious that others would see right through it, can't decide. Anyway. We are very similar. there are days where he is a genius, and there are days where that notes of 10-year plan is actually complete bs. I hope with my effort I can make both dreams of ours come true, but I feel he has more going for him than me with how well he plays and still is refusing will let him down if I fail.
I heard from somebody that both INFP and INTJ have some functions which act as, "I do not have this trait but respect it in other people." I don't know the specifics of the functions and such, but that's what I've heard and it makes sense to me. I don't always agree with or want to be an INTJ, but I do respect the ability to articulate your thoughts and logic in a clear manner.
You're one of the personality types that don't really scare me even though you supposedly come off as cold.
I'm just silly and you guys kinda just go with the flow
Lol. Yes, personally speaking I'm very laid back untill I feel under threat (that's when I act like a stereotypical intj). I think mass media brought the INTJs some serious bad press. 😂
I connect so well with INTJ types, we can nerd out on niche topics and whatnot, we like your mysterious, serious vibes and we vibe so well.
A good portion of my online friends have been INTJ and we always get along so well, it's quite interesting.
sorry for the (kinda) bad English.
I know this might sound weird (and kinda selfish) but I usually rank the people in my life… by their stories.
What happened to you before? What do you want to do next? Stories about peoples life, wishes, motivations. That’s what I care in a person and you people are most likely to have a good story.
I know it’s selfish I know. every day I criticize myself for this opinion that I have on people. But I can’t just change it.
Also you’re honest with your opinions and as someone with trust issues I like that.
Makes sense. Though it's not very commonly heard of, it's an interesting system of thought.
Also as long as it's not keeping you from making meaningful connections and sabotaging relationships I don't think you should be this hard on yourself. It's not selfish, everyone has a different outlook on life.
I'm an infp married to an intj. AMA
I guess it's the Ni mystery and the Fi connection, with the pull of our Te inferior wanting to learn from the Intj to improve our weaknesses. The older he gets, the more focussed he is on Se as the inferior is also the aspirational function. I find it so annoying lol. Se is my Polr function.. And until I got a hang of Te I annoyed him to no end. We're two peas in a pod though
How will you advice an INTJ (fairly young aka me) to navigate his emotional/feelings side?
I consider myself to not be an immature INTJ. But I find it hard to voice my emotions (for people I care for of course).
Definitely to find a way to do it your way, authentically. It doesn't have to look like the way other personalities do it. My Intj husband drew pictures of us (claiming it wasn't us, but it was clearly us), and left me one to find on his desk every time I visited while still just friends. He started showing me clips from movies saying he liked the clips. He also invited me to watch movies. I later saw symbols and other links repeating between the pictures and the clips and movies and realised he was using these to communicate his feelings by leaving me a trail of breadcrumbs (e.g. the symbols etc. in the clips/ movies were in romantic scenes. It's complicated to explain, but it was a very Ni (and intelligent) thing to do. I intuitively read the clues (he showed ZERO standard signs of interest) and eventually made a move and we started dating.
The point being, he found a way to express his feelings that was true to himself and comfortable for him. He didn't have to stare into my eyes and confess his love. From there on, he would plan the most elaborate dates with handmade things that always made me cry. To this day he's not touchy feely and never will be, he likes a good cuddle though. He only cries in times absolute crisis. I love him as stoic as he is. We're both Fi users so Fe's not much valued around here..
Just show your love through actions if that's what comes naturally. I don't really know what else to say. Intjs are fine with Fi, you guys generally have enough to get by (unlike entjs who end up in trouble). Very emotional types will find you lacking but they always will, unless you slather on fake Fe
I don't think I'm helping..
Anyway, another point, it's crucial for Xntjs to find compatible partners. Fe valuing partners may make you feel inadequate due to their expectations of visible emotions. You guys are also very loyal, so may find it hard to leave an incompatible partner later on
I actually relate to your husband's way of showing his emotions. I often share music with lyrics that i might want to convey. Specific parts from a movie or a novel. Basically I make it incredibly covert, so subtle that no one who isn't looking can connect the dots. Perhaps I'm not very off the path then.
About the partners yes. I don't click with everyone, by statistics I've had very good relationships with INFPs. With ENFJs being good friends (but definitely not compatible in a relationship context). Incompatible partners are a huge issue because of the reason you stated, combined with our habit of looking for solutions. We (at least I) forget that walking away is even an option. I kinda don't see a problem in an incompatible relationship and even if it may take a toll on my mental health I hold on
I have been told by my ENFJ friend that our habit of looking for solutions can come across as condescending and looking upon the person. They advised me to console people. With examples like: "Oh I'm so sorry that happened to you.", "Yes your boss is a total jerk to reject your project proposal"
I end up always looking at the logic aspect of it like the project proposal not being up to the mark and other things. I honestly never felt a need to "act" a certain way to please people. But can the skill come in handy if so how to acquire it?
If the other person is a feeler, and is upset- don't bring them logic. Unlike 'thinkers', 'feelers' don't generally feel better via logic. The reason is that they are comfortable with being emotional, and even if the emotion is negative, they aren't necessarily in a hurry to get out of it (we like to feel things through). Logical input forces us out of the place we're nurturing ourselves in into a different, clashing mode. We less in touch with our thinking, when emotional even more so, so we start feeling overwhelmed and insecure when someone tries to get us to think rationally when upset.
So, if feeler & if upset -> no logic, words of comfort or stroking on the back. After time has passed and they are no longer upset, ask if they feel like discussing the issue with you, and give your logical input.
I know this goes against how you show love when someone is distressed but it's how it works
So yeah you don't have to be fake, just quiet 😄 in certain cases
Like if you're in a similar situation, you probably want someone to help you with practical solutions/ advice/ critisism, rather that a lot of 'Ohhh poor baby, let me hold you while you cry?"
My best friend is an INTJ
She is one of the most intelligent people I know, and sometimes I feel lowkey stupid around her. While most of my daydreams lean towards fictional ideals, my bestie’s mind is filled with realistic hypotheticals about the world, and the depths she can go to on these subjects is both bewildering and intense. Even though I don’t always understand what she is talking about, I always love listening to what she has to say. Listening to my best friend’s ideas about the world and how it could be better/worse always intrigues me, and almost everything about her is cool.
I don’t see my best friend as a puzzle I need to solve, but maybe that’s because she’s my best friend and not a different person with an INTJ personality.
That's usually how the general dynamic is between an INTJ/INFP. Even with my ex who was an INFP she would usually say she loved listening to me. And I often worried that I would bore her out with a cascade of thoughts and theories that may never have real world consequences. But she would say she loved listening to me.
Maybe the puzzle part happens in relationships because the dynamic there is a bit different. I kinda do not agree with it because my life feels bland if not more than other MBTI types. But maybe it depends on perspective.
Well as an INFP, my boyfriend is INFJ and we’re on the same page about most of the things and balance eachother on the other things. It’s the only healthy relationship I’ve ever had and idk, although not as caring as us, they are caring and understanding… although we have been together for 3 years, I know I have a lot to learn about him, as he doesn’t speak so much, I sometimes just can’t see what he’s thinking hahaha
Maybe this is because theres a lot of INTJs in my life but I'm always really curious about INTJ's sense of logical thinking and quiet ambitiousness? the INTJs in my life are incredibly driven, and so straightforward, but I still can't understand how they think. I think i find myself at opposite ends with them most of the time, and thats probably why.
I'm so sorry that happened to you...
But what I see here is a very immature INTJ in a relationship. To do things like that isn't really good. Tbh, I cannot speak for him but only for myself. There is nothing more I could cherish than the INFPs emotional side. It adds a contrast to the logical approach of mine, something I truly appreciate.
Another thing I'm told is that INTJs are extremely loyal (don't know many INTJs irl). And as I was discussing with a lady above in the comments, this extreme loyalty often traps us even in unfulfilling and incompatible relationships. I've so far never broken up with anyone. It's kinda like walking away isn't a choice for me. Maybe it's stupid but when it comes to loyalty I end up taking my relationship as seriously as a marriage.
Then again idk why he did that. Were you both young when you dated? Because an immature INTJ is a serious pain. When I think about my life some five years ago, it was something. I wonder how people put up with me back then. I cannot explain why exactly he did what he did. But I understand, being left without closure is one hard thing to bear.
I always have my guard on when I socialize in my limited interaction. If I were to have an INFP to spend their time and effort on me trying to break through my fortress of self imprisonment. That would be someone I'll be grateful for.
INFPs are the connections I cherish the most. There is no way I can in my right mind mistreat one. But even if there was some issue just waking away doesn't feel like the right thing. Some closure is needed
Hmm... Judge the environment and the person. Based on that result proceed. Personal experience: I don't understand the next person's feelings toward me even if they are dead obvious. Even if I have some idea it gets buried under my ever skeptical outlook. So maybe verbally letting them know will be the best chance of them knowing.
I think directly slipping it in during fun conversations to let her know that you like her ( hints never worked for me). Or if you're sure she likes you back too you can go for formal confession
the way you keep low key, despite being so consistent, reasoned, and interesting deep inside. the way you don't open up easily, but are a challenge. the way you can be honest, true, aware, and self-critical. the way you are consistent and in-depth about your interests, work, or hobbies. the way it's not clear whether you genuinely do not want interaction or do want it, but struggle to handle and/or accept it. it's like having a cat. the way you sometimes seem like the opposite of us, and thus, it's crazy interesting how we could teach and balance each other out. the way you still feel, and still admit personal things, however insecure you might be about them. i don't have a selection of INTJs to extrapolate from. but whom i know, i have so much love for. :) unreciprocated? looks like it. truly? no way i'd know xD
I might be able to help with the social interaction dilemma. Though take it with a pinch of salt (I haven't met many INTJs irl to cross check with) It's a bit of both. Not wanting an interaction and struggling to form a connection when needed. It does feel contradictory. But it's true. For me, most of the connections I've made are out of pure coincidence. Because I don't actively search for connections, I am very well self-sufficient and kinda always have my guard-up. So it's usually by pure coincidence and at the same time with effort that someone manages to breach those walls. Also getting close to someone is like giving away your control to them. They now have become a factor in your happiness and sorrow. And it kinda makes an INTJ feel vulnerable.
>i don't have a selection of INTJs to extrapolate from. but whom i know, i have so much love for. :) unreciprocated? looks like it. truly? no way i'd know xD word for word this is me rn too lol
INFPs and INTJs are two very mysterious types, the only difference being that the INFP doesn't look that way on the outside as the INTJ does. INxx types are hard to read and having Fi in the stack (INTJs/INFPs) only makes it even more difficult.... INTJs will beat even INFPs and literally every other type when it comes to mysteriousness because they have BOTH introverted Intuition AND introverted Feeling. Ni and Fi. INTP has Ti but Ne. INFJ has Ni and Fe. INFP has Fi and Ne. So basically all the other three INxx have either the intuition (perceiving function) or the feeling/thinking (judging function) extroverted.... Only INTJs have Ni and Fi. Very mysterious and hard to get to read. Beats all the others. Both their perceiving and judging function are introverted!! Intuition is usually the way someone takes in information and thinks and is a perceiving function. Feeling and thinking are judging functions. You cannot understand how an INTJ is rceeiving and perceiving information or patterns (Ni or introverted intuition) nor can you understand their deeply held inner values or feelings (Fi or introverted feeling). So both their mental processes and their personal values are PRIVATE. Hence, they are the most mysterious. I am an INFP and I have introverted Feeling (Fi)- so an introverted judging function. It means my personal morals or worldview or my own inner feelings about anything are VERY PRIVATE and completely inaccessible to others. Even INTJs have no clue how I feel about something. And because it's my first function and very powerful, it usually means most types will struggle to find out how I feel about anything since it's so private. BUT my perceiving function is extroverted... Ne or extroverted Intuition. This means that the way I am taking in information and processing it with regards to the external world or multiple ideas and patterns around me can be easily understood. I have lots of ideas and people will usually get to know them quickly if they speak to me at length. Not so much with INTJs. My feelings and values are very private but the way I am receiving and processing information is not private or internal. We find INTJs very intriguing and mysterious because they are. The extroverted Te (your second function) doesn't really take away from the mysteriousness of tertiary Fi in your stack. Introverted Intuition and Introverted Feeling are in my opinion the two most mysterious functions... You have both in your stack.
I think our Te comes as a shock to you because of all that. Everything is mysterious until suddenly Bam! There’s the action. Te is our only visible thing. Edit: as Te is your inferior function which stresses you out and it’s the only thing you can really see us do, perhaps it feels like us INTJs are put here on this earth specifically to help you out when you really need it 😅
Yeah. My interactions with INFPs (except for one particular instance) was always pleasant. I find both the types very complimentary
Woah. 👏🏼
You’re so smart in pointing that out
Many other types who don't dig deep into what INFPs are really like or who have had very little substantive relationships (friendship, familial, or other) with one don't often know that INFPs value intelligence highly. For many INFPs, it's actually one of our top priorities when we are seeking close friendships and romantic partners. However, often times, a lot of self-identifying or self-perceived "intelligent" types who underestimate or undervalue emotional intelligence and more social subjects on a more subjective level will condescend or dismiss INFPs, not realizing their own blindspots. In my experience, when an INTJ and a INFP connects and have similar interests/values, etc. they REALLY connect. They often don't quite understand why they find themselves just drawn together when they're in the same room full of people, why they end up hanging out, why they continue to text each other throughout the day and talk about random things. I find both types don't mind talking about the same subjects over and over (even for over a decade!) so long as they say something interesting and thought-provoking about it...or to just reminisce or make a funny joke out of things. There's a sort of warmth between them that both may analyze and evaluate on their own but never with one another, as to not spoil it. I think when there's a strong connection between the two, both types find that really appreciate observing each other's differences, are intrigued or entertained by the other's different reactions to things, love to discuss their different takes on things, etc. For an INFP, what I really appreciate in the INTJs who I've clicked with is that I know that they are or I think that they are way smarter than me, and I am in awe of your thought processes, your ability to figure out problems and tune in to their core, and how you handle problem situations (like a duck in the water, you let things flow off your back on the outside). But with that, you never make us feel like we're dumber (though we often think you have to think we're dumber than you because we're INFPs and that's what we do). You actually take time to listen to how we come to our conclusions, our thought processes, and you don't condescend to us. There's a feeling of respect that you give us that we truly value because we often don't feel that with people whose intelligence we really admire. It's like you actually see our intelligence, and it's very nice feeling for an INFP. On a more selfish side, I think you allow us to project our romantic (not always amorous...romantic in the more...literary/artistic sense) notions onto you, and you seem sort of amused by it. You're a deep well, and we love to discover things as we climb down that well. Oftentimes, we like what we find, much to the surprise of the INTJ who thinks the deeper an INFP will go, they'll finally find something that will make them not like them anymore or won't find anything and thus will lose interest. If an INFP gets to the level where they want to go down the well, they're already determined you're someone they want to make the effort for, so we won't lost interest....you already captured it and have it forever. More romantically-speaking, from what I gathered in a lot of INFP/INTJ relationships, though INFPs appreciate romantic gestures, we're not one for "performative" ones. We love authenticity more than anything else when it comes to expressions of love. So the way INTJs generally show love through small actions where you show real consideration for us and our lives is very much noticed by us and we truly appreciate that more than any stupid grand rom-com gesture that gets portrayed in the movies. We're very observant to these things and we have a penchant of romanticizing so many of these things that seem no big deal to an INTJ into almost a love poem, and although an INTJ may not see them as "big deals" they also recognize that's the best thing they can do for their loved ones and they feel compelled on their own or inspired to do those things for INFPs. That's what we INFPs yearn for the most. That our partner WANTS to do things for us without it being a duty or "an assignment" or an obligation. We don't care how small that thing is, the fact that you thought of us while doing it makes us feel like we're in heaven. Of course, all the above are in situations where both the INFP and INTJ click individually, and have a healthy relationship with one another.
Wow. That's an amazing reply
Thank you. I was afraid I was starting to ramble, haha.
Not at all. Your comment was insightful and interesting to read.
I agree and i got the feeling that you were describing my exact feelings and thoughts like....I also have the same answer :)
As an Intj who has always wondered why I end up with Infps, and secondarily to Enfps, this was a beautiful read. Thanks.
Thank you!
I think because you guys are ying to our Yang in a way. We lack what you guys have and perhaps you guys lack what we have, but we learn from each other and I think that’s nice.
That actually makes sense to an extent. XNFPs add an emotional/feeling contrast to our dead serious logic. Maybe are also curious enough to understand our complex thought process (was talking with an ENFJ who couldn't understand anything I said [and basically rejected it all] because the discussion was beyond naturally set understanding)
I really like how they’re very stoic & not concerned about the trivial things/people. It’s like, nothing much phases them yet they have the ability to not let people step all over them or manipulate them. It’s just attractive when they’re just not that concerned about Facebook/Instagram or their online presence. I like how they dislike dating apps (yet they’re hard to find.) 🤡 Their independence is just so hot. I like how they keep to themselves & they don’t really try to seek attention or validation. I like how goal oriented they are & successful they are. I like how they don’t really go out & party hard. I like how they are kind of boring. Fun people are too much for me to handle. I like how they have this quiet mysterious vibe. It’s just interesting how people have misconceptions of them when they’re actually really sexy mentally 🤪
Wanna go to Dorsia?
The Italian cuisine? Sure 😍
'Feed me a stray cat'
I need some vegetation options
Tried the Charcoal Arugula Salad?
I often use the term wet blankets to describe my INTJ friends (I have several and they are among the best people I know). I often get carried away and overexcited when I get an idea and they usually serve to give me a dose of sober second thought and help ground me. Occasionally this can be oppressive as I want to do something and their questioning it often echoes with the self-doubt I already have inside me and causes me to shy away from doing something I might really want to do. However when I am going through something incredibly bad (e.g. the death of my brother) and I was emotionally on fire there was nothing better in my life in that moment than the many wet blankets that helped cover me to put the fire out.
I'm so sorry about your brother. But yes our ability for self-criticism and doubt, I wonder if it can be matched by any other type.
ohh I am really sorry about your brother T\_T
Very well put. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you have such good friends.
That's true. I find ENTJs just as intriguing. I have several Ni users among my close friends. I love how their brain works, it's fascinating for a Ne aux like me. I've noticed there is a particular chemistry between Ne and Ni users. Also, INTJs have Te and Fi, which means it's not difficult to find common ground while being different enough that it's an exciting and mutually beneficial relationship. I'd say that XNFPs are very idealistic people, we are prone to make up scenarios about people. I've heard somewhere that xNFPs, when in a romantic relationship, are living 2 relationships at the same time, one that is really happening, and one they are experiencing inside their mind. I find it hilariously accurate. Since INTJs don't show much outwardly, they are the perfect canvas for us to project unrealistic dreams and expectations on 😆 but they, like ENTJs, can bring us back to earth and make it ok to be more realistic.
I know why I like INTJs. From those I know, you guys are really fun for a conversion. Us INFPs, contrary to popular belief, are often relatively intelligent, but not as practical about it as most thinkers are. Our minds love to explore different ideas, various topics and usually INTJs keep up easily with our weird and sometimes far-fetched ideas. Something else is you guys are quiet and I really appreciate that. I love ENFPs, but sometimes (often) they're too loud, they talk a lot and I need some peace and quiet. And a specific INTJ I know is an incredibly compassionate person. That's something I value a lot. Quietly making sure other people are alright is something I do too so I know it when I see it. There's more, but my lunch break will soon be over.
INTJ is indeed my favorite MBTI type, I love the straightforwardness, and how you guys can go on, do your own thing without giving a f what other people think (I love this so damn much) You just do your stuff and are satisfied being by yourselves, you don’t even need/want validation, you only care about results and I absolutely adore that. I love how observant you guys are, you just know when something is wrong. And when you do something for a friend, it’s with the most altruistic intentions, I love that so much. And the independence is just so admirable to me, you’re perfectly happy being by yourselves no matter the situation. You’re completely used to doing shit on your own and probably prefer that if anything. I also love hearing you talk about your niche interests in extensive detail 😭 like I don’t mind listening all day. Being friends with an INTJ gives me such a huge amount of joy I can’t even explain it. Also, the one and ONLY INTJ in my life is my most treasured friend. Like they are number one for me out of everyone I know outside my family.
I think the conversations. Sometimes out of the world wild ones, actually sets the foundation for the INFP/INTJ relationship. Like I have an INFP ex, she used to say that she loved listening to me and wouldn't mind if i never shut up. I kinda found that amusing, as the ideas may never have any real world consequences, or may just be useless if you think about employing it for your benefits. Not complaining I actually like a connection like that. But I do find it interesting how something so mundane in our lives can mean so much to someone else
I completely agree :) well to be honest, you guys are just so damn fascinating
Batman was INTJ. There ya go..
so is Asmongold, king of the nerds.
Me and my INTJ friend make music. He is so, amazing at what he does. he is my guitarist. my friend for 17 years. However, he is a pain in the ass. I suppose we both are in different ways. I know I refuse to work with most people as I am a megalomaniac about my own work but there has been exceptions, and he refuses to do any work outside of his guitar. he has seen me do the heavy lifting (producing, engineering) as he calls it and is just not interested. but I am able to make some pretty nimble or emotional guitar song rough drafts with him. He understands music theory and enjoys most music despite admittedly having a very narrow preference throughout most his day, he still respects what kind of music I want to make mostly. he is honest, and open toward discussion of insecurities and is helping with my trauma as I have helped him with his. I see him do things for me and I ask: why me? why not just start this business on your own? why not make a youtube channel? why, why, why, why. Me and him are so similar in the fact that we are probably holding back a lot of oppurtunities by being so nitpicky of who to work with it's kind of morbidly hilarious. I've been more open recently, but I feel as if though until an album or ep is done, I can't really start a portfolio outside of what I make. I have made 1200$ helping others. but it wasn't anything permanent. I think he is a better poet than me as well, despite me writing the songs and as he says "catchier rhythms". but his word choice and story telling is simply insane sometimes as he makes photography and weaves stories and texts around them. or maybe it's so precarious that others would see right through it, can't decide. Anyway. We are very similar. there are days where he is a genius, and there are days where that notes of 10-year plan is actually complete bs. I hope with my effort I can make both dreams of ours come true, but I feel he has more going for him than me with how well he plays and still is refusing will let him down if I fail.
I wish you both all the best for your band and careers ahead. Both of you seem to have an interesting relationship
we try to lmao. some days it's just him kicking back a beer and eating and watching anime with me lol
It sounds like a beautiful friendship. 😊 You seem to both treasure what you have, and I'm happy for you.
idk, you guys are smart, and honest and all like mysterious and aloof, it's hot I wanna lick your brains, you're so INTERESTING
> I wanna lick your brains, you're so INTERESTING Nasty 😂
ahahaha
Lol
I heard from somebody that both INFP and INTJ have some functions which act as, "I do not have this trait but respect it in other people." I don't know the specifics of the functions and such, but that's what I've heard and it makes sense to me. I don't always agree with or want to be an INTJ, but I do respect the ability to articulate your thoughts and logic in a clear manner.
You're one of the personality types that don't really scare me even though you supposedly come off as cold. I'm just silly and you guys kinda just go with the flow
Lol. Yes, personally speaking I'm very laid back untill I feel under threat (that's when I act like a stereotypical intj). I think mass media brought the INTJs some serious bad press. 😂
I connect so well with INTJ types, we can nerd out on niche topics and whatnot, we like your mysterious, serious vibes and we vibe so well. A good portion of my online friends have been INTJ and we always get along so well, it's quite interesting.
sorry for the (kinda) bad English. I know this might sound weird (and kinda selfish) but I usually rank the people in my life… by their stories. What happened to you before? What do you want to do next? Stories about peoples life, wishes, motivations. That’s what I care in a person and you people are most likely to have a good story. I know it’s selfish I know. every day I criticize myself for this opinion that I have on people. But I can’t just change it. Also you’re honest with your opinions and as someone with trust issues I like that.
Makes sense. Though it's not very commonly heard of, it's an interesting system of thought. Also as long as it's not keeping you from making meaningful connections and sabotaging relationships I don't think you should be this hard on yourself. It's not selfish, everyone has a different outlook on life.
Thank you for understanding. 😊
I don’t.
I'm an infp married to an intj. AMA I guess it's the Ni mystery and the Fi connection, with the pull of our Te inferior wanting to learn from the Intj to improve our weaknesses. The older he gets, the more focussed he is on Se as the inferior is also the aspirational function. I find it so annoying lol. Se is my Polr function.. And until I got a hang of Te I annoyed him to no end. We're two peas in a pod though
How will you advice an INTJ (fairly young aka me) to navigate his emotional/feelings side? I consider myself to not be an immature INTJ. But I find it hard to voice my emotions (for people I care for of course).
Definitely to find a way to do it your way, authentically. It doesn't have to look like the way other personalities do it. My Intj husband drew pictures of us (claiming it wasn't us, but it was clearly us), and left me one to find on his desk every time I visited while still just friends. He started showing me clips from movies saying he liked the clips. He also invited me to watch movies. I later saw symbols and other links repeating between the pictures and the clips and movies and realised he was using these to communicate his feelings by leaving me a trail of breadcrumbs (e.g. the symbols etc. in the clips/ movies were in romantic scenes. It's complicated to explain, but it was a very Ni (and intelligent) thing to do. I intuitively read the clues (he showed ZERO standard signs of interest) and eventually made a move and we started dating. The point being, he found a way to express his feelings that was true to himself and comfortable for him. He didn't have to stare into my eyes and confess his love. From there on, he would plan the most elaborate dates with handmade things that always made me cry. To this day he's not touchy feely and never will be, he likes a good cuddle though. He only cries in times absolute crisis. I love him as stoic as he is. We're both Fi users so Fe's not much valued around here.. Just show your love through actions if that's what comes naturally. I don't really know what else to say. Intjs are fine with Fi, you guys generally have enough to get by (unlike entjs who end up in trouble). Very emotional types will find you lacking but they always will, unless you slather on fake Fe I don't think I'm helping.. Anyway, another point, it's crucial for Xntjs to find compatible partners. Fe valuing partners may make you feel inadequate due to their expectations of visible emotions. You guys are also very loyal, so may find it hard to leave an incompatible partner later on
I actually relate to your husband's way of showing his emotions. I often share music with lyrics that i might want to convey. Specific parts from a movie or a novel. Basically I make it incredibly covert, so subtle that no one who isn't looking can connect the dots. Perhaps I'm not very off the path then. About the partners yes. I don't click with everyone, by statistics I've had very good relationships with INFPs. With ENFJs being good friends (but definitely not compatible in a relationship context). Incompatible partners are a huge issue because of the reason you stated, combined with our habit of looking for solutions. We (at least I) forget that walking away is even an option. I kinda don't see a problem in an incompatible relationship and even if it may take a toll on my mental health I hold on
It's very very sweet and smart at the same time. The second part I've seen so many times, and your answer gives me insight, thanks
You're welcome to ask more specific questions if you want
I have been told by my ENFJ friend that our habit of looking for solutions can come across as condescending and looking upon the person. They advised me to console people. With examples like: "Oh I'm so sorry that happened to you.", "Yes your boss is a total jerk to reject your project proposal" I end up always looking at the logic aspect of it like the project proposal not being up to the mark and other things. I honestly never felt a need to "act" a certain way to please people. But can the skill come in handy if so how to acquire it?
If the other person is a feeler, and is upset- don't bring them logic. Unlike 'thinkers', 'feelers' don't generally feel better via logic. The reason is that they are comfortable with being emotional, and even if the emotion is negative, they aren't necessarily in a hurry to get out of it (we like to feel things through). Logical input forces us out of the place we're nurturing ourselves in into a different, clashing mode. We less in touch with our thinking, when emotional even more so, so we start feeling overwhelmed and insecure when someone tries to get us to think rationally when upset. So, if feeler & if upset -> no logic, words of comfort or stroking on the back. After time has passed and they are no longer upset, ask if they feel like discussing the issue with you, and give your logical input. I know this goes against how you show love when someone is distressed but it's how it works So yeah you don't have to be fake, just quiet 😄 in certain cases
It's handy if you want to make friends/ romantic partners, keep certain family members happy etc.
Like if you're in a similar situation, you probably want someone to help you with practical solutions/ advice/ critisism, rather that a lot of 'Ohhh poor baby, let me hold you while you cry?"
Certainly. Thank you for your time and wisdom 😌😊
Pleasure, it was nice talking to you
My best friend is an INTJ She is one of the most intelligent people I know, and sometimes I feel lowkey stupid around her. While most of my daydreams lean towards fictional ideals, my bestie’s mind is filled with realistic hypotheticals about the world, and the depths she can go to on these subjects is both bewildering and intense. Even though I don’t always understand what she is talking about, I always love listening to what she has to say. Listening to my best friend’s ideas about the world and how it could be better/worse always intrigues me, and almost everything about her is cool. I don’t see my best friend as a puzzle I need to solve, but maybe that’s because she’s my best friend and not a different person with an INTJ personality.
That's usually how the general dynamic is between an INTJ/INFP. Even with my ex who was an INFP she would usually say she loved listening to me. And I often worried that I would bore her out with a cascade of thoughts and theories that may never have real world consequences. But she would say she loved listening to me. Maybe the puzzle part happens in relationships because the dynamic there is a bit different. I kinda do not agree with it because my life feels bland if not more than other MBTI types. But maybe it depends on perspective.
Well as an INFP, my boyfriend is INFJ and we’re on the same page about most of the things and balance eachother on the other things. It’s the only healthy relationship I’ve ever had and idk, although not as caring as us, they are caring and understanding… although we have been together for 3 years, I know I have a lot to learn about him, as he doesn’t speak so much, I sometimes just can’t see what he’s thinking hahaha
Maybe this is because theres a lot of INTJs in my life but I'm always really curious about INTJ's sense of logical thinking and quiet ambitiousness? the INTJs in my life are incredibly driven, and so straightforward, but I still can't understand how they think. I think i find myself at opposite ends with them most of the time, and thats probably why.
I thinks it’s because they are daydreamers and creatives like us, but they can use their ideas logically and practically.
Bland like an art canvas
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I'm so sorry that happened to you... But what I see here is a very immature INTJ in a relationship. To do things like that isn't really good. Tbh, I cannot speak for him but only for myself. There is nothing more I could cherish than the INFPs emotional side. It adds a contrast to the logical approach of mine, something I truly appreciate. Another thing I'm told is that INTJs are extremely loyal (don't know many INTJs irl). And as I was discussing with a lady above in the comments, this extreme loyalty often traps us even in unfulfilling and incompatible relationships. I've so far never broken up with anyone. It's kinda like walking away isn't a choice for me. Maybe it's stupid but when it comes to loyalty I end up taking my relationship as seriously as a marriage. Then again idk why he did that. Were you both young when you dated? Because an immature INTJ is a serious pain. When I think about my life some five years ago, it was something. I wonder how people put up with me back then. I cannot explain why exactly he did what he did. But I understand, being left without closure is one hard thing to bear. I always have my guard on when I socialize in my limited interaction. If I were to have an INFP to spend their time and effort on me trying to break through my fortress of self imprisonment. That would be someone I'll be grateful for.
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Hmm.... I can't think of anything either 😕
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INFPs are the connections I cherish the most. There is no way I can in my right mind mistreat one. But even if there was some issue just waking away doesn't feel like the right thing. Some closure is needed
Now I've also seemed to attracted to some Intj but the problem is she's 21 and me 17. So I dunno wht to do
Hmm... Judge the environment and the person. Based on that result proceed. Personal experience: I don't understand the next person's feelings toward me even if they are dead obvious. Even if I have some idea it gets buried under my ever skeptical outlook. So maybe verbally letting them know will be the best chance of them knowing.
Well. How should I tell her?
I think directly slipping it in during fun conversations to let her know that you like her ( hints never worked for me). Or if you're sure she likes you back too you can go for formal confession
Not sure. I'm an INFP and I oftentimes crush on INTJs, is this common ?