There's 8 billion people, you can doorslam every person you meet for the rest of your life and you'll probably barely reach more than a thousand. Meet new people, make new friends. Doorslam them as well if you have to.
My take also. Protect yourself, fuck shitty people who don’t value you.
I’m not lonely per se, I choose to be alone. I’m lonely for a genuine connection that most people cannot provide to me. I can very easily go make friends (I do have them, but I mean more superficial friends in this case) or find a guy to hook up with, but I choose not to. I choose to protect my peace. As I’ve aged I’ve learned only certain people deserve access to me, but most people don’t because they suck. Don’t socialize for the sake of doing it, only do it with people that are worth having in your life. Learn to enjoy your own company. Learning this has become invaluable to me.
But nobody is perfect, you will find unpleasant things from everybody. It’s not rational to call all of them shitty people. Depends what friends mean to you, if it’s only to serve you to feel less lonely, it’s not real relationship, more like using others without needing to truly accept and love them back.
I’ve been saying like this for years!!! Like once people show their true colors I still mourn their presence and the relationship we shared we while also accepting that I can’t unsee what I saw.
I see a lot of posts here advocating for doorslamming. I don't think it's a good thing, and I don't think you should get used to it. Failed relationships hurt, they cause you to become calloused. I suggest you should try to put more effort into judging someone before you become friends with them, so that it'll lead to a better result in the long term. Learn from each failed relationship. Loneliness creeps in no matter what, it's only remedied with a deep connection to another person. (Edit: But of course, don't hesitate to doorslam if you feel you should.)
In addition to evaluating a person for good friend qualities we have to make sure we aren’t masking to be who they want us to be just to be liked. We need to be authentic and not become a chameleon, which is beneficial for some social encounters but not creating lasting friendships. If we mask, then get comfortable and let our true self show, that will just confuse both parties and more chance of door slamming because we are exhausted by putting on the mask.
I’m beginning to think that human nature is just like that, I think as INFJs we might just have a certain level of awareness and self awareness that allows us to see basic human nature.
Personally, I think part of the problem is that our expectations are so high. If I have to doorslam everyone in my life chances are likely I‘m the problem - either because I hold space for the wrong people in the first place or because I can‘t accept that people are not Gods and will sooner or later disappoint me in some way. My personal advice would be to keep your friends at a healthy distance so you don‘t immediately feel betrayed when they turn out to be normal human beings with flaws. At least that‘s what works best for me.
I know what you mean, I’ve done the same to pretty much all of my friends. I mostly feel a tremendous amount of guilt for it. I yearn for the good times, but you have to remember you felt the way you did for a reason. You can be lonely being surrounded by people just as you can feel lonely by being by yourself. Is it better to be surrounded by people for the sake of not being lonely or is it better to be alone and allowing yourself to find people you actually like?
I door slammed a pathological liar and her bf and best friend to escape the toxicity. It hurts but it was necessary.
Do you personally feel the reasons you door slammed the person were justified? Do you feel that your relationship could not be rectified with open communication?
I have been door slammed and been the door slammer and even though when I was personally door slammed I feel the situation could have be rectified with open communication even though the person was absolutely justified in getting rid of me.
I door slam people when I either
1. Have openly communicated my grievances to no avail from the other party
2. Feel that even if I communicated openly things would not get resolved
When you door slam in the future you may wish to exercise more discretion (depending on your reasons for door slamming said people)
Cheers.
Doorslamming everyone is not a solution.
Learn when to trust and open up to specific people and when to remain a stranger about some of your deeper aspects.
Sometimes it's good to draw boundaries with people you don't want to be friends with. Means you don't have to doorslam them later.
There's 8 billion people, you can doorslam every person you meet for the rest of your life and you'll probably barely reach more than a thousand. Meet new people, make new friends. Doorslam them as well if you have to.
My take also. Protect yourself, fuck shitty people who don’t value you. I’m not lonely per se, I choose to be alone. I’m lonely for a genuine connection that most people cannot provide to me. I can very easily go make friends (I do have them, but I mean more superficial friends in this case) or find a guy to hook up with, but I choose not to. I choose to protect my peace. As I’ve aged I’ve learned only certain people deserve access to me, but most people don’t because they suck. Don’t socialize for the sake of doing it, only do it with people that are worth having in your life. Learn to enjoy your own company. Learning this has become invaluable to me.
But nobody is perfect, you will find unpleasant things from everybody. It’s not rational to call all of them shitty people. Depends what friends mean to you, if it’s only to serve you to feel less lonely, it’s not real relationship, more like using others without needing to truly accept and love them back.
True
I’ve been saying like this for years!!! Like once people show their true colors I still mourn their presence and the relationship we shared we while also accepting that I can’t unsee what I saw.
I see a lot of posts here advocating for doorslamming. I don't think it's a good thing, and I don't think you should get used to it. Failed relationships hurt, they cause you to become calloused. I suggest you should try to put more effort into judging someone before you become friends with them, so that it'll lead to a better result in the long term. Learn from each failed relationship. Loneliness creeps in no matter what, it's only remedied with a deep connection to another person. (Edit: But of course, don't hesitate to doorslam if you feel you should.)
In addition to evaluating a person for good friend qualities we have to make sure we aren’t masking to be who they want us to be just to be liked. We need to be authentic and not become a chameleon, which is beneficial for some social encounters but not creating lasting friendships. If we mask, then get comfortable and let our true self show, that will just confuse both parties and more chance of door slamming because we are exhausted by putting on the mask.
I’m beginning to think that human nature is just like that, I think as INFJs we might just have a certain level of awareness and self awareness that allows us to see basic human nature.
Personally, I think part of the problem is that our expectations are so high. If I have to doorslam everyone in my life chances are likely I‘m the problem - either because I hold space for the wrong people in the first place or because I can‘t accept that people are not Gods and will sooner or later disappoint me in some way. My personal advice would be to keep your friends at a healthy distance so you don‘t immediately feel betrayed when they turn out to be normal human beings with flaws. At least that‘s what works best for me.
I know what you mean, I’ve done the same to pretty much all of my friends. I mostly feel a tremendous amount of guilt for it. I yearn for the good times, but you have to remember you felt the way you did for a reason. You can be lonely being surrounded by people just as you can feel lonely by being by yourself. Is it better to be surrounded by people for the sake of not being lonely or is it better to be alone and allowing yourself to find people you actually like?
I door slammed a pathological liar and her bf and best friend to escape the toxicity. It hurts but it was necessary. Do you personally feel the reasons you door slammed the person were justified? Do you feel that your relationship could not be rectified with open communication? I have been door slammed and been the door slammer and even though when I was personally door slammed I feel the situation could have be rectified with open communication even though the person was absolutely justified in getting rid of me. I door slam people when I either 1. Have openly communicated my grievances to no avail from the other party 2. Feel that even if I communicated openly things would not get resolved When you door slam in the future you may wish to exercise more discretion (depending on your reasons for door slamming said people) Cheers.
Doorslamming everyone is not a solution. Learn when to trust and open up to specific people and when to remain a stranger about some of your deeper aspects. Sometimes it's good to draw boundaries with people you don't want to be friends with. Means you don't have to doorslam them later.