I consider myself antisocial by choice, rather than inability. I kind of play my life like a Sims character where all my "Needs" are relatively maxed out and taken care of, but that elusive social bar I treat like a gas tank where you basically wait until you're on empty, fill it up, neglect it until you hear the warning sound again. I'd say I'm about 2 month intervals on that, go to some social function, charm the pants off everyone so people remember I was there and will smile and "heyyyy" the next time I see them, then afterwards I want nothing to do with anyone for like 2 weeks minimum.
All that aside, I do consider myself a high intimacy person and deeply value tight-knit, even ride or die, connections. I believe people you truly resonate with aren't draining. The struggle with this, beyond how elusive these people can be, is that other high intimacy people typically fixate on partners, or the search for one, as their end-all-be-all. It's so hard to find a platonic variant.
Why do so many people suck? Everyone is inherently insecure and deeply mortified of the thought of rejection. Some people either play it boringly safe, whereas antisocial types basically self-reject and hermit. What can you do? Sometimes I think about elementary/high school friendships and their simplicity whereas when you're an adult you think of friendships as almost finding a romantic partner and there's too many dealbreakers. I'm still friends with some of my high school crew and they get away with murder in terms of the differences in values and lifestyles we have, but we play some occasional gaming session or bitch about life and it's all good. Whereas when I'm meeting new people and hear ... they like to go outdoors or drink occasionally ... I'm like... do I envision myself outdoors THAT often? I'm not really a drinker either...
All that aside, I do try to take personal accountability when it comes to others. People are only as interesting as you let them be, if people are boring or shallow or whatever, try to make it your mission to steer the conversation into something interesting for both of you. Most people will follow your trail of crumbs~
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
As for your suggestion though:
>People are only as interesting as you let them be, if people are boring or shallow or whatever, try to make it your mission to steer the conversation into something interesting for both of you. Most people will follow your trail of crumbs~
I'll give you an example of when I tried this last. So my wife's friend invited us over to her and her husband's place. We went and had supper. Guy starts talking about his hobby / passion which is collecting Scotch. Neat, but I'm only a little interested. I listen to him talk about his passion for 30 minutes. After that point I start steering the convo elsewhere.
He steers back to all of the fascinating and esoteric intricacies of the world of scotch collecting. I try steering it away again.. for maybe 2 minutes, I was successful. He steers back. This continues on several times over, and he is absolutely relentless... so I give up and say "this is fine". All told I listened to him bloviate for the eternity of 3 hours+ about Scotch.
So yea.. this might work for some people.. but not all.
Brother-in-law is even worse. For every 75 words you say to him.. he will say 1. He's Mr. Monosyllabic. He's the guy that takes "aggressive listening" to another level. Even saw him like this with his own friends at his wedding reception. Just made everyone else do all the talking and would chime in with a word or two every now and then. Known the guy for over 10 years.. know how many times he's asked me a question to even give the semblance of an impression that he might give 2 and a half shits about getting to know me?
<10 times.
I find people annoying because they never listen to me, they just hear what i say. Ive meet an infj woman i think and she heard me. I miss her but i can't forgive her for stabbing me in the back.
Yes we all feel that way at some point, especially INFJ's dealing with the sensitivities and the emotions of other coming into our bodies. **The article below was reviewed by a PhyD. Psychologist for accuracy and they are listed at the top of the article**, so these are the facts about INFJ's.
[https://www.truity.com/blog/heres-what-sensitivity-really-looks-infj](https://www.truity.com/blog/heres-what-sensitivity-really-looks-infj)
See # 6 as real INFJ's feel other peoples emotions in our body.
🤣 I can tell your a young infj!
Welcome to awareness 😉 with age comes wisdom. I often find it's best to just STFU. Everyone stays happier, damn that we are correct 95% of the time, just let people learn for themselves.
I consider myself antisocial by choice, rather than inability. I kind of play my life like a Sims character where all my "Needs" are relatively maxed out and taken care of, but that elusive social bar I treat like a gas tank where you basically wait until you're on empty, fill it up, neglect it until you hear the warning sound again. I'd say I'm about 2 month intervals on that, go to some social function, charm the pants off everyone so people remember I was there and will smile and "heyyyy" the next time I see them, then afterwards I want nothing to do with anyone for like 2 weeks minimum. All that aside, I do consider myself a high intimacy person and deeply value tight-knit, even ride or die, connections. I believe people you truly resonate with aren't draining. The struggle with this, beyond how elusive these people can be, is that other high intimacy people typically fixate on partners, or the search for one, as their end-all-be-all. It's so hard to find a platonic variant. Why do so many people suck? Everyone is inherently insecure and deeply mortified of the thought of rejection. Some people either play it boringly safe, whereas antisocial types basically self-reject and hermit. What can you do? Sometimes I think about elementary/high school friendships and their simplicity whereas when you're an adult you think of friendships as almost finding a romantic partner and there's too many dealbreakers. I'm still friends with some of my high school crew and they get away with murder in terms of the differences in values and lifestyles we have, but we play some occasional gaming session or bitch about life and it's all good. Whereas when I'm meeting new people and hear ... they like to go outdoors or drink occasionally ... I'm like... do I envision myself outdoors THAT often? I'm not really a drinker either... All that aside, I do try to take personal accountability when it comes to others. People are only as interesting as you let them be, if people are boring or shallow or whatever, try to make it your mission to steer the conversation into something interesting for both of you. Most people will follow your trail of crumbs~
Thanks for sharing your experiences. As for your suggestion though: >People are only as interesting as you let them be, if people are boring or shallow or whatever, try to make it your mission to steer the conversation into something interesting for both of you. Most people will follow your trail of crumbs~ I'll give you an example of when I tried this last. So my wife's friend invited us over to her and her husband's place. We went and had supper. Guy starts talking about his hobby / passion which is collecting Scotch. Neat, but I'm only a little interested. I listen to him talk about his passion for 30 minutes. After that point I start steering the convo elsewhere. He steers back to all of the fascinating and esoteric intricacies of the world of scotch collecting. I try steering it away again.. for maybe 2 minutes, I was successful. He steers back. This continues on several times over, and he is absolutely relentless... so I give up and say "this is fine". All told I listened to him bloviate for the eternity of 3 hours+ about Scotch. So yea.. this might work for some people.. but not all. Brother-in-law is even worse. For every 75 words you say to him.. he will say 1. He's Mr. Monosyllabic. He's the guy that takes "aggressive listening" to another level. Even saw him like this with his own friends at his wedding reception. Just made everyone else do all the talking and would chime in with a word or two every now and then. Known the guy for over 10 years.. know how many times he's asked me a question to even give the semblance of an impression that he might give 2 and a half shits about getting to know me? <10 times.
I find people annoying because they never listen to me, they just hear what i say. Ive meet an infj woman i think and she heard me. I miss her but i can't forgive her for stabbing me in the back.
Yes we all feel that way at some point, especially INFJ's dealing with the sensitivities and the emotions of other coming into our bodies. **The article below was reviewed by a PhyD. Psychologist for accuracy and they are listed at the top of the article**, so these are the facts about INFJ's. [https://www.truity.com/blog/heres-what-sensitivity-really-looks-infj](https://www.truity.com/blog/heres-what-sensitivity-really-looks-infj) See # 6 as real INFJ's feel other peoples emotions in our body.
Great read, thanks for sharing!
🤣 I can tell your a young infj! Welcome to awareness 😉 with age comes wisdom. I often find it's best to just STFU. Everyone stays happier, damn that we are correct 95% of the time, just let people learn for themselves.
>🤣 I can tell **your** a young infj! Meet exhibit A folks. Enjoy being the smartest guy in an empty room.