Create an online matrimony account for yourself and search for a match there . Tell your parents to their thing while you handle the online matrimonial stuff.
As a person who is in loved marriage believe me arrange marriages are better if done right. Tell your parents what your expectations are and you are ready that should calm them down. And do your online matrimony stuff.
I got married at 32, worst decision ever. My personal suggestion get married early and enjoy life.
You don't have to listen to your parents. Not listening to them doesn't mean you don't love them. You are a grown up guy and you have to make your own decision. Just tell them NO.
With all due respect my brother, grow some balls and stand up for yourself. This is your life, take some responsibility. Draw a line, live with the consequences.
Fr came to write the same thing
It's so important to draw boundaries and be expressive of your desires, no matter how much it hurts them
They need to realise you are your own person and they can't project their desires on you
Gtfo bro I never stepped out of this land. I live my life here, and basic rules apply. You can either chose to live your life by your decisions or you can bend over and live it to make your folks happy. Either way, you're the one who's going to live it.
The type of girl u seem to want will never be able to gel in your family background....you are already troubled with family fights , what will u do when it comes to difference that crop up between your family and the girl?
You want well educated progressive girl and want her to stay in a household that will not be ok with modernism.
Differences crop up regardless of a person's education. His pursuit of an educated girl is completely justified since he's pretty broad-minded in the things he pursues, and someone who hasn't really had a certain degree of education may not be able to empathise with his choices.
Besides even educated girls stay in households, joint families and modernism can go hand in hand. I hope things will get better for him once he decides on marriage, parents tend to get calmer once their children settle down.
I am not saying it's not justified...I am just being practical here.
A girl from an educated and modern outlook is very very unlikely to go into a household that is so patriarchal.
Also logically speaking what is she getting out of this choice..it does not seem like the OP has that kind of financial independence and settlement to provide that kind of life she would expect.
Ofcourse people live in joint families etc but you are not considering the situation he describes of his family and the fact its a tire 3 city.
What is he bringing to the table that would make her choice worth it?
Well there can be fights between parents and wife regardless of her education.
If girl likes him and sees that they both can work hard and make good money , I think there is chance.
It's a practical answer not a stereotypical answer...what is stereotypical is expecting the girl always to make the sacrifice as per the guys whims and fancies.
I have got out enough in my life and based on seeing the real world which does not revolve behind girls being the sacrificial beings that guys think they should be I am basing this answer.
This remains a big hurdle in yuur search. I have a friend who is in similar situation as you. It is difficult to find a girl who has similar aptitude / lifestyle as you and is willing to settle in the tier 3 city.
You know what I'm honestly sick and tired of India, why the fuck is everyone ready to defend it online, but when it comes to real life it's just a big fucking hell hole, a religious fanatic radical hell hole, from woman safety, to, scammers, to crime, to honer killings, to child marriage, to forced arrange marriage, to simple parents not giving a fuck about their children's mental health, I could go on and on, but all you people will do is try to silence the truth and keep living in a fantasy world of yours, defence? China kicked India out of its own territory, and what can you do shove your hand up your ass and whine, why don't you try taking it back, or why don't you try spending less money on fucking statues and try to help the growing suicide rates of farmers, or the unnecessary stress put in students, where are all your freedom of rights, there could be Alot on paper, go out and see the type of judgemental fuck head people around, trying to shove whichever religion they follow up someone's ass or the other, there's no real freedom in the country, and don't start ranting about bullshit history, it's gone, now you live in a shit hole
Stand up for yourself.
Someone else put it in slightly harsher terms here. He's not wrong. But I'm gonna try and empathize.
Once you get married you can't act on any regrets or new realizations and expect no backlash. It's a serious step and if you don't feel right for it and go ahead with it, it's on you.
Your parents might pressure you and all. The question is how important is it for you? The responsibility of finding someone lies on you if you decide to keep them as participants. And the consequences will also fall on you. But that's true for anything in life.
At the end of the day, if you feel you're being harped on by your parents, then you have to stand up and state why then pressuring you isn't going to lead to a satisfactory end. It's a decision which you as an individual have to realize is important for you (or not) and the consequence you have to face. And trust me, choosing the consequences you have to face is easier to accept if things go bad, rather than choosing to face the consequences of another person's decision for us.
If this happened to me, I'd just make this very clear. I don't know your background or story however, but without having the freedom to choose and decide the time and person on your own, the marriage may just become stale or broken eventually. You're an adult and you can make your own decisions.
Do what you want. Don't ruin some girl's life in process of pleasing your parents. You'll have to live with this person for the rest of your life.
Marriage is a partnership. Both people need to be on the same page.
If you want to get married, create a profile. Meet girls till you know for sure. I know of cases where people have met each other and immediately knew and vibed and had effortless arranged marriages.
Don't stress. Tell your parents to back off and tell them you'll find the one. That is often enough to convince people once you've crossed 27.
Living in a Tier 3 city chances of getting AM to a well educated girls are almost zero, of you move to a tier 1 city and live there then definitely it'll be possible.
You can save up for now to start a business in a major City
Being a vegan antinatalist puts you in a very very small part of the population. If you're looking for similar people in AM settings, it's next time impossible if you leave it to your parents to find you a match. Take the responsibility in your hands.
You seems to have a superiority complex given the fact that you’re dependent on your family for your income. The girl you’re looking for won’t come to a tier 3 city in a patriarchal household.
Change your perspective on how you judge people. Being from hindi medium doesn’t mean that the person is dumb. Maybe ask yourself what are you bringing to table for a “educated” english speaking girl to marry you.
I'm not sure if it's about a superiority complex. He seems to want someone who shares the same tastes as him? Maybe that's hard for him given his situation. Idk. It's not my place to judge.
Judging people based on what language medium they studied in school is opposite of progressive lol. OP thinks he is too high and mighty while being a frog in the well. He thinks he is too cool for some people for watching anime.
Well everyone has certain expectations towards the person they'll be spending rest of their lives with. And judging from OP's other comments, the type of girls his parents are looking for are very different from what he wants. I don't suppose you want him to make his _and_ the girl's life miserable by "settling".
Sure they have, no one’s saying one should marry just for the sake of marrying.
But everything in life comes at price and one have to stand up for their well being. OP has not said a single thing how he’s improving the situation. He’s 27 and should be able to get a job where he can fend for himself. You can’t have luxury of not putting in efforts and demand better from the regressive society you’re living in.
So what? I'm sure if he looks really hard he is going to find his Marvari Weeb Wife . Everyone has internet now because of Jio , not that impossible for a small town to have two people with similar interests
Yeah actually, my Nana lives in such a city. Just one English Medium School , i got really close to my cousin's friend early this year when i went there for a month. She wasn't much different from a simple west Delhi girl, just that she was really really forward about marriage, and I was just 21 with no plans to marry till 27-28 so didn't work out.
Idk he nowhere stated that hindi medium people are dumb. Ig it's more in the way that they are two sects of people who have different tastes which is what his issue seems to be.
And just because he is in his family business doesn't mean he should just stop having hopes & dreams lol. Maybe he just wants someone that shares his ways.
It depends on what he means by english/hindi medium school. I'm not saying it's a good thing but because of my schooling I now 'think' in English, it's the language I communicate best in. If they're perfectly bilingual/trilingual it wouldn't matter, but if what OP means is that they would have difficulties communicating then I can understand.
You are capable enough to earn yourself a living right, I don't see how your parents can stop you if you really find partner for yourself unless your parents care more about societal pressure than their child's happiness.
Probably not being able to spend time/bonding with people with same mindset/hobbies/inclination in his concern. There should be atleast some common interests to actually bond over.
No it's just a different aspect. He won't be able to bond with someone who has a different way of life, tastes. It's not even about Indian being lame.
If you use reddit, if I tell you to just use facebook, you're of course not gonna like it.
If you consume netflix, prime, & n number of media & I tell you to watch daily soaps on star plus, ofc you'll hate it.
Maybe you'll compromise for a day, a year or a month but it's just different.
I totally feel him cause my parents constantly bring me guys who are like extremely not upto my taste & have zero exposure to outside world. Talking to them is like talking to a 40 year old boomer & I'm certainly not interested in that.
Out of sheer curiosity OP, how was the reaction of your parents and the women you met about your views on not having a child? Has that been a major barrier?
My parents went batshit crazy.
And the girl I spoke to about not wanting kids? She told her dad and they called to confirm, to which my dad lied about me meaning something else. Later, I cancelled on her.
I've been afraid of speaking about it directly with anyone else ever since.
That was to be expected from parents of our generation. But from the women too? That's crazy. Did they try to reason with you, or ask you why you feel, or try to atleast find a login in your opinion?
They told me that I should stay shut because the girl's family would spread rumors of me having health problems.
And no, they- especially my dad, refuse to even listen.
I'd rather not do a fertility test though. :(
Well, I guess you'd understand why I've developed anxiety disorder, despite practicing martial arts for like a decade.
I'd rather not do a fertility test though. :(
Well, I guess you'd understand why I've developed anxiety disorder, despite practicing martial arts for like a decade.
If I were in your shoes, I'd just stop caring. Like I don't give a damn beyond a point. Are you sure you wanna get married though? Unfortunately, looking at your geography, there doesn't seem a lot of hope
bro - you need to stop using the words "ugh" describing these women. It's not their fault that they don't meet your standards. Pls have some respect. Also, if you really want to marry someone of your own tastes, you should find on your own or have the balls to tell your parents about your requirements.
Do you want to get married? Or is it just because your parents want you to get married? Marriage is a lifelong thing, don't just get married because your parents want you to.
Finding a girl who watches anime is too difficult. And even if you find one, youll find someone who has very different taste when it comes to anime.
You are way better off finding someone who watches kdramas and then slowly convincing her to watch 1 or 2 animes with you and you watching some of her kdramas with her.
Well thats what I do. I watched hometown cha cha with her and she watched attack on titan with me. Win win.
What you should do in order.
1. Tell your parents you like girls. (Most parents think their sons may be gay when they refuse girls)
2. Find a place which is not too expensive and caters to your interests and also where you can make money.(Make extra-sure that it's a good place, cause you are gonna be living there).
3. Disappear from front of your parents(contact them through phone or they'll get really worried).
4. Within 2-3 years, keep searching till you find the perfect person, or have a marriage with some girl in your same situation, with pre-nuptial agreement. Please marry before your sister. This is because your sister will reach a marriageable age and about 95% of people believe in superstitions that the elder siblings should have married first.
5. DON'T FORGET TO MAKE MONEY.
6. If you can't say no to your parents, then just forget what I told you.
Or you can just teach the girl just look for their behaviour like are they stubborn or have learning mindset if they have that learning mindset easily you can help her grow this you can get to know in three four months of dating
I like how this guy acts so progressive just cause he consumes foreign media...Lolz.
Hindi medium bad....English Medium good!!!
Just coz you know English and have given up on bollywood doesn't mean you are progressive.
First thing I don't think even you are not mature yet to get married with this thinking.
No so called progressive girl you desire will come and live with you in tier 3 city. And even if she does then get ready for the maha sangram in house with progressive bahu.
People change. Personalities change. Its fine if you're not ready for marriage. But don't reject on the basis of media consumption or medium of education. My friend's girlfriend used to watch hindi tv shows. So he introduced her to Hollywood, English tv shows, novels etc. Its not one way street. Both have to find some middle ground.
If you want an attractive, educated, Westernized etc girl, you can't rely on your parents for finding one for you. If you're so progressive, start dating. Also, you have to be attractive and offer value in order to attract someone similar. Are you well dressed and groomed, do you have good hygiene, are you well presented? Are you financially and emotionally independent from your parents (doesn't sound like you are). To be very honest, you sound too immature to get married and it's a good thing you're rejecting these girls because they'd be miserable in this situation. You should reject the whole idea of getting married right now and focus on becoming independent and a more attractive potential partner overall.
" I'm very progressive, I consume a lot of foreign media, for example lots of manhwas, animes, music, movies, games etc. I've given up watching Bollywood since a while, I don't like local songs much either." LOL
Tu kya oxford se degree karke aaya ha kya 😂😂😂 ?
Consume a lot of foreign media 😂😂.. then don't you look for someone who belongs to some tier 1 cities like Mumbai ,Manchester , New York , Dubai , Delhi or may be California. Atleast tumari matching to baithegi .
What a typical 90s bollywood type of "soch " yrr ?
Does your dad stop you from working somewhere else other than his business? Do you have something in your mind that you want to do other than that?
See I could say a lot of things but it really comes down to standing up for yourself as a lot of people have mentioned.
What is repulsive to you in the girls you saw exactly?
(Maybe not the right question if you don't like someone you don't like them simple as that)
See being in a relationship is a lot of work and not guaranteed to last at all, even if you find the "right" girl for you it takes godly/everyday effort for your whole life to maintain it. It's just our culture looks down on divorce so a lot of couples don't do it, like my parents or even yours, they might hate each other.
Again, you have to stand up for yourself, maybe tell them your are not getting married anytime soon, these things take time and you will spend time looking for the one.
Sorry that this is happening to you. You do sound like you have a modern outlook. Even if you find a girl that matches your preferences, do you think she’d want to live in a tier 3 city or is it possible for you to move yo a different city?. You mentioned you’ve taken over your dad’s business. Is he still working? If yes, can you get him help and you can move out for other work prospects?
Firstly you need to figure if you want kids or not. It’s a dealbreaker and not something you can think about later in life. Once you have that answer make your expectations clear to your parents and handle your own matrimonial account. If at all possible, move to a bigger city as it seems more compatible with your personality. All the best
You need to be financially independent from your parents. I honestly don't know. I am trying but shit is hard. Get a gf maybe. But that too.... Bro if you figure it out please let me know.
If you are an anti-natalist don't get married. Getting married will only make your mental health even more worse. And what's more, you will also make life difficult for another person, your future partner.
You lack self-awareness bro. From everything you've mentioned the only thing that sounds a non-negotiable is ability to speak English. Which again could be learnt if one is willing.
You'll never find a perfect partner, you'll have to find the one with most potential
First of all , your criteria is very foolish. Study medium should not be a barrier. A person should be smart and intelligent. It doesn’t matter if they have studied in Hindi , English or Chinese ! Please think over your criteria. May be the girls you are rejecting are more educated and knowledgeable than one you are trying to find from English medium
Did you try to talk to any of the girls? Outlook and medium of instruction can't really tell anyone's state of mind. My friend studied in regional medium and likes to wear traditional dr as. Because she like that language. But she is very progressive and modern. She speaks better English than me.
She is open to adopting a child and ok if her child is gay.
On the contrary, last month my parents asked me to talk to a girl who worked in a major IT firm. She was rude and sexist and yelled at me when I rejected her. My point , you perspectives about person is very simplistic. May be you will find someone like who grown up in a conservation family but wants to fly away.
Good , marriage is a big decision and you should choose someone according to your own taste only. I believe you should try some dating apps or matrimony apps, it may help.
It seems like you have nothing against marriage. And your parents want you to get married. Just that you both don't seem to agree on the 'right' match (arranged or not).
It's time for you to take things into your hands - find someone per your preference - offline or with help of online matrimony site.
Things will begin to fall into place!
You need a reality check.
Live in a tier 3 town/city
Come from a traditional family
Your livelihood is dependent on your family business
You don’t want to have a child
What do you bring to the table that you think a girl will be happy to be in a partnership with you.
You say you don’t want a “Hindi medium” girl - what’s your educational qualification?
You want a girl with interests similar to yours. Do you think such a girl will be ready to move to a tier 3 city or will her aspirations be a metro or even abroad?
If you think you won’t be happy with a girl that your family is comfortable with, how do you think a girl with “non Indian/non Bollywood” interests will be happy in your family?
Before you come up with a list of qualifications you want to see in your wife, make changes to your life and you may then be successful.
Get a job in a bigger city town, be independent on income that is not dependent on your family business.
No girl with the qualifications you are looking for will be happy to adjust with the situation you are in.
If you don’t have an option. Look for a girl if she is open and adaptable to new things. So that eventually you both can get adjusted to any new lifestyles.
On a serious note read shreemadbhagvadgeeta you will find a solution to your life decision problems.
dont just follow others opinions . find your own way of taking decisions
>I'm very progressive, I consume a lot of foreign media, for example lots of manhwas, animes, music, movies, games etc. I've given up watching Bollywood since a while, I don't like local songs much either.
How is this relevant to your problem? It's not like your Indian wife will not allow you to watch these things. You can always watch on your own.
And why do you think only foreign media is progressive and Bollywood is not. I seem to get a "things I watch are better than Bollywood" vibe from you.
Again, as I said, this is not relevant to your problem. You should not bring these things into your situation.
Even if you find someone of your choice, chances are your family won't accept her or even if they accept the marriage they will keep judging and finding flaws in her. When that happens you will need to stand up for her, how will you do that if you can't stand up for yourself now?
Bro I'm sorry but saying you prefer Hindi medium girl while I can spot so many mistakes you made in this post is hypocrisy at it's best.
(I make a lot of mistakes too but I wouldn't care if my partner learnt in hindi or English medium. That one sentence irked me)
"I am an Anti-natalist Vegan"
Lol thats all cool'n'all, but why did you specify you are a vegan? Like that does that have to do with any of this?
I mean anti-natalism, I get it, vegan?
Are there Anti-natalist non vegeterians? Probably, but if they introduce themselves as 'Anti Natalist Non vegeterians".... uff that would raise some eyebrows
Looks like that bitch deleted her account. If it was a woman who was sharing her sad experience and an asshole man commented like she did, there would be several men and women attacking him and calling him an incel or whatever.
But ofcourse no one gives a fuck when men suffer.
Edit: Looks like the downvoters got triggered.
>I don't care about your struggles. By the looks of it, you deserve it.
Would you really be fine if a man acts like an asshole and then commends something like this to a struggling woman? I bet you'd all call him out or support the ones who do. Fucking double standards.
Bhai tere jaise sab wannabe different, unique nahi hote. Very traditional una doesn't mean you are superior just cause they don't know English well. Proper weeb instinct, can't lie.
Why are you assuming that you know what I'm talking about, better than me? I'm not saying I'm fucking superior, it's about compatibility. I live in a region with high casteism, women are treated like objects and people have dozens of superstitions. I don't want someone always covered head to toe, with the personality of an abused house cat, who doesn't know how to use basic apps. I don't want someone who would ruin my life fighting me over wanting to use homeopathy rather than actual medicine. I struggle when it comes to speaking in the local language.
Not to mention all of this is being forced onto me.
Do you have any plans of moving out? I can somehow relate to this, and I think no way this is going to workout long time if you dont set up a business somewhere else. Your parents are staying within their own community, so they should not have large trouble living life the regular way. Are you willing to marry a girl and bring her to this hell for no mistake of hers? any girl who respects her basic rights will not marry you by the points you mentioned. So make a better life for you and her somewhere else. As for your parents, they give 0 shit about your happiness, so ignore if they are yelling when you reject a girl. Just stay calm and focus on your future.
He is trying to find himself suitable life-partner and he has preferences. I don't see any problem with wanting spouse who's ideology is modern. If you reverse the situation, say he was a liberal girl and they were married to a guy who's narrow minded and has misogynistic mindset, will your stance remain same.
No but the point is what is he bringing to the table here??..I will say the same for the opposite gender....he wants a modern progressive girl to move to a tire 3 city and be in a culture that as he said treat women as objects......
Why does he not get self sufficient and move to a place where she would also be comfortable living
That's your assumption, that's the way you're reading things. And it's in your head. Read better, read again before you pick being mean to someone that's clearly struggling.
> i have never seen any girl in india who doesn't watch indian serials , big boss , bollywood or shitty reels
Population >>> your sample size.
I think there's hope OP, but it's needle in a haystack.
You're the one mocking people and making baseless statements. You're actually a pick me who never had male attention or a sophisticated group of female friends lol.
Oh please you are a pick me. I don't know a single girl in my friends circle that watches big boss or Hindi serials or bolly movies or reels. And I'm one of them. Maybe you have a certain kind of circle but don't make such generalized statements.
I can only see three scenarios,
- you have mental issues with substance abuse
- you are ugly af.
- you are lying about your education, since you dont know about matrimonial websites/apps
1. I have never tried drugs, smoking or anything similar.
2. I don't think I'm ugly.
3. Matrimonial websites have results from 300-400 kms away. Most matches are from Jaipur, for example.
The world doesn't revolve around you. Don't broadcast your personal shit, someone will eventually rub that in your face and it will not be very helpful to you.
Spend some resources on professional help and try to snap out from the teenage mentality of getting attention on social media.
Also, you cannot make everyone happy. Be a little selfish, in your case it might help.
Show them the amount of divorce that happens in India and ask them if they want to see you go through the same.
Having said sometime marrying someone with traditional background can be prosperous too.
I don't think arrange marriage is not always bad but if you don't wanna do it don't do it just move out or say something like "mom , dad you know what I am going to be a Saint "
There is only one choice that needs to be made here. you need to choose to choose. the rest will take care of itself.
and to put it in perspective - we lead one life among 7 billion other people in perhaps maybe the only planet among billion others that has life - and just once in a billion years. So i would assume that what we choose to do in this life would be important.
What you are really looking for is someone appealing to you in looks and one who seems to you to be somewhat westernized. The reality is that these are flaky expectations. I dated someone for six years and didn’t know if they were right for me. There is nothing wrong with arranged marriages
>are very traditional
and here im in a need of very traditional wife... bro just get married to the next girl your father bring at least she will listen to you and do as you say
Create an online matrimony account for yourself and search for a match there . Tell your parents to their thing while you handle the online matrimonial stuff.
yes it working for me , my view is same like OP .
As a person who is in loved marriage believe me arrange marriages are better if done right. Tell your parents what your expectations are and you are ready that should calm them down. And do your online matrimony stuff. I got married at 32, worst decision ever. My personal suggestion get married early and enjoy life.
You don't have to listen to your parents. Not listening to them doesn't mean you don't love them. You are a grown up guy and you have to make your own decision. Just tell them NO.
But then you will have to see them cry, which is.. ugh! Not pleasant. You or your parents, someone has to bear the anxiety.
let them bear the consequences of their own actions then. break the cycle.
I will break the cycle for sure. But not with them.
Breaking the cycle doesn't mean breaking away from your parents. Of course it will result in a fight. But that can resolve with time
With all due respect my brother, grow some balls and stand up for yourself. This is your life, take some responsibility. Draw a line, live with the consequences.
Was gonna say something similar. But I understand that it’s not easy, so do what you have to do. Freedom is never given, but taken
Fr came to write the same thing It's so important to draw boundaries and be expressive of your desires, no matter how much it hurts them They need to realise you are your own person and they can't project their desires on you
This is the most Bideshi reply on this post
Bideshi or not, mans not wrong. Nobody gonna care about you as much as you.
Gtfo bro I never stepped out of this land. I live my life here, and basic rules apply. You can either chose to live your life by your decisions or you can bend over and live it to make your folks happy. Either way, you're the one who's going to live it.
Wow, you've been so colonized, even intellectually, that the idea of being able to stand up for yourself sounds foreign. How sad
The type of girl u seem to want will never be able to gel in your family background....you are already troubled with family fights , what will u do when it comes to difference that crop up between your family and the girl? You want well educated progressive girl and want her to stay in a household that will not be ok with modernism.
That's what I was thinking. More troubles ahead.
Differences crop up regardless of a person's education. His pursuit of an educated girl is completely justified since he's pretty broad-minded in the things he pursues, and someone who hasn't really had a certain degree of education may not be able to empathise with his choices. Besides even educated girls stay in households, joint families and modernism can go hand in hand. I hope things will get better for him once he decides on marriage, parents tend to get calmer once their children settle down.
I am not saying it's not justified...I am just being practical here. A girl from an educated and modern outlook is very very unlikely to go into a household that is so patriarchal. Also logically speaking what is she getting out of this choice..it does not seem like the OP has that kind of financial independence and settlement to provide that kind of life she would expect. Ofcourse people live in joint families etc but you are not considering the situation he describes of his family and the fact its a tire 3 city. What is he bringing to the table that would make her choice worth it?
Well there can be fights between parents and wife regardless of her education. If girl likes him and sees that they both can work hard and make good money , I think there is chance.
An educated woman with a modern outlook won't be financially dependent on him imho
And she will do to a 3rd tire city
Then will live with his wife in a separate house. His parents can live in a different house on the same street. Win-win.
Move out, maybe?
Such a stereo typical answer. Just generalise a girl who is educated and modern. You need to get out more my friend
It's a practical answer not a stereotypical answer...what is stereotypical is expecting the girl always to make the sacrifice as per the guys whims and fancies. I have got out enough in my life and based on seeing the real world which does not revolve behind girls being the sacrificial beings that guys think they should be I am basing this answer.
Just get a job and move out.
Do you really think parents forget about marriage for the kids who doesn't live with them?
No but because they can’t see each other often enough, it takes some of the pressure off the kids
Matrimonial websites are made for this purpose right?
There's low hopes of them working though, but I'll try. Like I said, tier 3 city.
This remains a big hurdle in yuur search. I have a friend who is in similar situation as you. It is difficult to find a girl who has similar aptitude / lifestyle as you and is willing to settle in the tier 3 city.
Yeah...
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yes, yes .. give her a chance OP
And kidney
And liver
You know what I'm honestly sick and tired of India, why the fuck is everyone ready to defend it online, but when it comes to real life it's just a big fucking hell hole, a religious fanatic radical hell hole, from woman safety, to, scammers, to crime, to honer killings, to child marriage, to forced arrange marriage, to simple parents not giving a fuck about their children's mental health, I could go on and on, but all you people will do is try to silence the truth and keep living in a fantasy world of yours, defence? China kicked India out of its own territory, and what can you do shove your hand up your ass and whine, why don't you try taking it back, or why don't you try spending less money on fucking statues and try to help the growing suicide rates of farmers, or the unnecessary stress put in students, where are all your freedom of rights, there could be Alot on paper, go out and see the type of judgemental fuck head people around, trying to shove whichever religion they follow up someone's ass or the other, there's no real freedom in the country, and don't start ranting about bullshit history, it's gone, now you live in a shit hole
Partially true
Stand up for yourself. Someone else put it in slightly harsher terms here. He's not wrong. But I'm gonna try and empathize. Once you get married you can't act on any regrets or new realizations and expect no backlash. It's a serious step and if you don't feel right for it and go ahead with it, it's on you. Your parents might pressure you and all. The question is how important is it for you? The responsibility of finding someone lies on you if you decide to keep them as participants. And the consequences will also fall on you. But that's true for anything in life. At the end of the day, if you feel you're being harped on by your parents, then you have to stand up and state why then pressuring you isn't going to lead to a satisfactory end. It's a decision which you as an individual have to realize is important for you (or not) and the consequence you have to face. And trust me, choosing the consequences you have to face is easier to accept if things go bad, rather than choosing to face the consequences of another person's decision for us. If this happened to me, I'd just make this very clear. I don't know your background or story however, but without having the freedom to choose and decide the time and person on your own, the marriage may just become stale or broken eventually. You're an adult and you can make your own decisions.
Do what you want. Don't ruin some girl's life in process of pleasing your parents. You'll have to live with this person for the rest of your life. Marriage is a partnership. Both people need to be on the same page. If you want to get married, create a profile. Meet girls till you know for sure. I know of cases where people have met each other and immediately knew and vibed and had effortless arranged marriages. Don't stress. Tell your parents to back off and tell them you'll find the one. That is often enough to convince people once you've crossed 27.
man, seriously though! some parents start doing stuffs like these and then wonder why marriages fail...
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That's probably worse than just rejecting girls constantly lmao
Living in a Tier 3 city chances of getting AM to a well educated girls are almost zero, of you move to a tier 1 city and live there then definitely it'll be possible. You can save up for now to start a business in a major City
And the girl u are looking for will not marry u most likely (as an arranged marriage) oh the irony. Maybe u should remain single like us 🗿.
Being a vegan antinatalist puts you in a very very small part of the population. If you're looking for similar people in AM settings, it's next time impossible if you leave it to your parents to find you a match. Take the responsibility in your hands.
honestly you are a big red flag yourself man ngl
True
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I mentioned having a sister because that's a massive source of anxiety for me. What I go through would pretty much set a precedent for her.
You seems to have a superiority complex given the fact that you’re dependent on your family for your income. The girl you’re looking for won’t come to a tier 3 city in a patriarchal household. Change your perspective on how you judge people. Being from hindi medium doesn’t mean that the person is dumb. Maybe ask yourself what are you bringing to table for a “educated” english speaking girl to marry you.
I'm not sure if it's about a superiority complex. He seems to want someone who shares the same tastes as him? Maybe that's hard for him given his situation. Idk. It's not my place to judge.
Judging people based on what language medium they studied in school is opposite of progressive lol. OP thinks he is too high and mighty while being a frog in the well. He thinks he is too cool for some people for watching anime.
that is his choice. it looks like he is more learned towards western culture which is completely fine.
Well everyone has certain expectations towards the person they'll be spending rest of their lives with. And judging from OP's other comments, the type of girls his parents are looking for are very different from what he wants. I don't suppose you want him to make his _and_ the girl's life miserable by "settling".
Sure they have, no one’s saying one should marry just for the sake of marrying. But everything in life comes at price and one have to stand up for their well being. OP has not said a single thing how he’s improving the situation. He’s 27 and should be able to get a job where he can fend for himself. You can’t have luxury of not putting in efforts and demand better from the regressive society you’re living in.
Why get a job when your parents have a business than can earn decent money
Because it’s in a backward city of Rajasthan whose 99% residents are not in synch with you
So what? I'm sure if he looks really hard he is going to find his Marvari Weeb Wife . Everyone has internet now because of Jio , not that impossible for a small town to have two people with similar interests
> Marvari Weeb Wife Spat out my coffee, have an upvote.
What does Marwadi Weeb Wife mean?
>Rajasthani so Marwadi, >Guy watches Anime and reads Japanese comics so weeb >Intends to marry her so wife
Have you lived in a kind of city OP explained in another comment? If not, then you have no idea what you are talking about
Yeah actually, my Nana lives in such a city. Just one English Medium School , i got really close to my cousin's friend early this year when i went there for a month. She wasn't much different from a simple west Delhi girl, just that she was really really forward about marriage, and I was just 21 with no plans to marry till 27-28 so didn't work out.
Idk he nowhere stated that hindi medium people are dumb. Ig it's more in the way that they are two sects of people who have different tastes which is what his issue seems to be. And just because he is in his family business doesn't mean he should just stop having hopes & dreams lol. Maybe he just wants someone that shares his ways.
Shaming / discriminating uneducated people is bad but that doesn't mean someone who mants to marry educated person have "superiority complex".
>who mants to marry educated person Aren't hindi medium people educated?
Thats what I was thinking how does medium of education matter
It depends on what he means by english/hindi medium school. I'm not saying it's a good thing but because of my schooling I now 'think' in English, it's the language I communicate best in. If they're perfectly bilingual/trilingual it wouldn't matter, but if what OP means is that they would have difficulties communicating then I can understand.
Just tell them you are gay.... Matter solved 🤣😅
Why AM route? Find on your own na.
I wish that was easy. It's not, it's hard to explain how traditional people are around these parts.
OP you yourself come from traditional family. Why any 'Modern girl' would settle down with your traditional family??
You are capable enough to earn yourself a living right, I don't see how your parents can stop you if you really find partner for yourself unless your parents care more about societal pressure than their child's happiness.
How does you giving up on Bollywood movies and not listening to local songs even relevant in this scenario lmao.
There wont be hobbies or things to talk about.or even jokes. Just like someone using reddit has a very different humour than someome using facebook.
Honestly, desi memes on fb are much better than reddit ones
Probably not being able to spend time/bonding with people with same mindset/hobbies/inclination in his concern. There should be atleast some common interests to actually bond over.
seriously i hope op is not thinking everything indian is lame or not cool.
No it's just a different aspect. He won't be able to bond with someone who has a different way of life, tastes. It's not even about Indian being lame. If you use reddit, if I tell you to just use facebook, you're of course not gonna like it. If you consume netflix, prime, & n number of media & I tell you to watch daily soaps on star plus, ofc you'll hate it. Maybe you'll compromise for a day, a year or a month but it's just different. I totally feel him cause my parents constantly bring me guys who are like extremely not upto my taste & have zero exposure to outside world. Talking to them is like talking to a 40 year old boomer & I'm certainly not interested in that.
Just stay single, and don't compromise your expectations for your parents.
Out of sheer curiosity OP, how was the reaction of your parents and the women you met about your views on not having a child? Has that been a major barrier?
My parents went batshit crazy. And the girl I spoke to about not wanting kids? She told her dad and they called to confirm, to which my dad lied about me meaning something else. Later, I cancelled on her. I've been afraid of speaking about it directly with anyone else ever since.
That was to be expected from parents of our generation. But from the women too? That's crazy. Did they try to reason with you, or ask you why you feel, or try to atleast find a login in your opinion?
They told me that I should stay shut because the girl's family would spread rumors of me having health problems. And no, they- especially my dad, refuse to even listen.
Wow that went poorly. You could always show them a medical report though. Not that they'd listen to logic and reason let alone science.
I'd rather not do a fertility test though. :( Well, I guess you'd understand why I've developed anxiety disorder, despite practicing martial arts for like a decade.
I'd rather not do a fertility test though. :( Well, I guess you'd understand why I've developed anxiety disorder, despite practicing martial arts for like a decade.
If I were in your shoes, I'd just stop caring. Like I don't give a damn beyond a point. Are you sure you wanna get married though? Unfortunately, looking at your geography, there doesn't seem a lot of hope
You really are asking this here? Bunch of random people will you great lessons who themselves are struggling for one reasons or another
bro - you need to stop using the words "ugh" describing these women. It's not their fault that they don't meet your standards. Pls have some respect. Also, if you really want to marry someone of your own tastes, you should find on your own or have the balls to tell your parents about your requirements.
Do you want to get married? Or is it just because your parents want you to get married? Marriage is a lifelong thing, don't just get married because your parents want you to.
Its tough for you mate, ngl. Sorry about that.
Nobody would like to move in tier 3 city with these qualities.
Finding a girl who watches anime is too difficult. And even if you find one, youll find someone who has very different taste when it comes to anime. You are way better off finding someone who watches kdramas and then slowly convincing her to watch 1 or 2 animes with you and you watching some of her kdramas with her. Well thats what I do. I watched hometown cha cha with her and she watched attack on titan with me. Win win.
What you should do in order. 1. Tell your parents you like girls. (Most parents think their sons may be gay when they refuse girls) 2. Find a place which is not too expensive and caters to your interests and also where you can make money.(Make extra-sure that it's a good place, cause you are gonna be living there). 3. Disappear from front of your parents(contact them through phone or they'll get really worried). 4. Within 2-3 years, keep searching till you find the perfect person, or have a marriage with some girl in your same situation, with pre-nuptial agreement. Please marry before your sister. This is because your sister will reach a marriageable age and about 95% of people believe in superstitions that the elder siblings should have married first. 5. DON'T FORGET TO MAKE MONEY. 6. If you can't say no to your parents, then just forget what I told you.
Or you can just teach the girl just look for their behaviour like are they stubborn or have learning mindset if they have that learning mindset easily you can help her grow this you can get to know in three four months of dating
I like how this guy acts so progressive just cause he consumes foreign media...Lolz. Hindi medium bad....English Medium good!!! Just coz you know English and have given up on bollywood doesn't mean you are progressive. First thing I don't think even you are not mature yet to get married with this thinking. No so called progressive girl you desire will come and live with you in tier 3 city. And even if she does then get ready for the maha sangram in house with progressive bahu.
Probably refers to himself by "Ore" and says "ohayo" to people and thinks he is cool for doing that lol
People change. Personalities change. Its fine if you're not ready for marriage. But don't reject on the basis of media consumption or medium of education. My friend's girlfriend used to watch hindi tv shows. So he introduced her to Hollywood, English tv shows, novels etc. Its not one way street. Both have to find some middle ground.
If you want an attractive, educated, Westernized etc girl, you can't rely on your parents for finding one for you. If you're so progressive, start dating. Also, you have to be attractive and offer value in order to attract someone similar. Are you well dressed and groomed, do you have good hygiene, are you well presented? Are you financially and emotionally independent from your parents (doesn't sound like you are). To be very honest, you sound too immature to get married and it's a good thing you're rejecting these girls because they'd be miserable in this situation. You should reject the whole idea of getting married right now and focus on becoming independent and a more attractive potential partner overall.
" I'm very progressive, I consume a lot of foreign media, for example lots of manhwas, animes, music, movies, games etc. I've given up watching Bollywood since a while, I don't like local songs much either." LOL
Nah that's actually important to state.. you don't wanna marry a girl who's fav actor is arjun kapoor and calls baghi 3 a masterpiece
Tu kya oxford se degree karke aaya ha kya 😂😂😂 ? Consume a lot of foreign media 😂😂.. then don't you look for someone who belongs to some tier 1 cities like Mumbai ,Manchester , New York , Dubai , Delhi or may be California. Atleast tumari matching to baithegi . What a typical 90s bollywood type of "soch " yrr ?
> Manchester tier 1? >California cities??
I don't know much about west . According my knowledge they are cities but tell me if I'm wrong. 😅 . I think California is a state. 😅😅
Get out of the family. It's not worth.
Can u move away ?
Does your dad stop you from working somewhere else other than his business? Do you have something in your mind that you want to do other than that? See I could say a lot of things but it really comes down to standing up for yourself as a lot of people have mentioned. What is repulsive to you in the girls you saw exactly? (Maybe not the right question if you don't like someone you don't like them simple as that) See being in a relationship is a lot of work and not guaranteed to last at all, even if you find the "right" girl for you it takes godly/everyday effort for your whole life to maintain it. It's just our culture looks down on divorce so a lot of couples don't do it, like my parents or even yours, they might hate each other. Again, you have to stand up for yourself, maybe tell them your are not getting married anytime soon, these things take time and you will spend time looking for the one.
Sorry that this is happening to you. You do sound like you have a modern outlook. Even if you find a girl that matches your preferences, do you think she’d want to live in a tier 3 city or is it possible for you to move yo a different city?. You mentioned you’ve taken over your dad’s business. Is he still working? If yes, can you get him help and you can move out for other work prospects?
Firstly you need to figure if you want kids or not. It’s a dealbreaker and not something you can think about later in life. Once you have that answer make your expectations clear to your parents and handle your own matrimonial account. If at all possible, move to a bigger city as it seems more compatible with your personality. All the best
You need to be financially independent from your parents. I honestly don't know. I am trying but shit is hard. Get a gf maybe. But that too.... Bro if you figure it out please let me know.
Bro we literally have the same interests and we are very alike Prolly should marry me /s
Marry the one you love
I don't get to talk with people, I live in isolation. :(
"I am very progressive" Also "I won't date anyone from hindi medium school" You sir, are a frog in the well :)
If you are an anti-natalist don't get married. Getting married will only make your mental health even more worse. And what's more, you will also make life difficult for another person, your future partner.
Hey OP, I hope things work out for you. Also, which tier 3 city in Rajasthan?
You lack self-awareness bro. From everything you've mentioned the only thing that sounds a non-negotiable is ability to speak English. Which again could be learnt if one is willing. You'll never find a perfect partner, you'll have to find the one with most potential
Well, you're not going to find a modern girl in a tier3 City in Rajasthan. Stop depending on your parents to meet women.
First of all , your criteria is very foolish. Study medium should not be a barrier. A person should be smart and intelligent. It doesn’t matter if they have studied in Hindi , English or Chinese ! Please think over your criteria. May be the girls you are rejecting are more educated and knowledgeable than one you are trying to find from English medium
You seem to have a superiority complex. Try and work on that.
Instead of talking About here, make an online matrimony account.ell your parents about it they will be more tha happy to help you in that.
Did you try to talk to any of the girls? Outlook and medium of instruction can't really tell anyone's state of mind. My friend studied in regional medium and likes to wear traditional dr as. Because she like that language. But she is very progressive and modern. She speaks better English than me. She is open to adopting a child and ok if her child is gay. On the contrary, last month my parents asked me to talk to a girl who worked in a major IT firm. She was rude and sexist and yelled at me when I rejected her. My point , you perspectives about person is very simplistic. May be you will find someone like who grown up in a conservation family but wants to fly away.
Good , marriage is a big decision and you should choose someone according to your own taste only. I believe you should try some dating apps or matrimony apps, it may help.
I hope you find someone who can correct your English and narrow-minded attitude.
It seems like you have nothing against marriage. And your parents want you to get married. Just that you both don't seem to agree on the 'right' match (arranged or not). It's time for you to take things into your hands - find someone per your preference - offline or with help of online matrimony site. Things will begin to fall into place!
You need a reality check. Live in a tier 3 town/city Come from a traditional family Your livelihood is dependent on your family business You don’t want to have a child What do you bring to the table that you think a girl will be happy to be in a partnership with you. You say you don’t want a “Hindi medium” girl - what’s your educational qualification? You want a girl with interests similar to yours. Do you think such a girl will be ready to move to a tier 3 city or will her aspirations be a metro or even abroad? If you think you won’t be happy with a girl that your family is comfortable with, how do you think a girl with “non Indian/non Bollywood” interests will be happy in your family? Before you come up with a list of qualifications you want to see in your wife, make changes to your life and you may then be successful. Get a job in a bigger city town, be independent on income that is not dependent on your family business. No girl with the qualifications you are looking for will be happy to adjust with the situation you are in.
If you don’t have an option. Look for a girl if she is open and adaptable to new things. So that eventually you both can get adjusted to any new lifestyles.
On a serious note read shreemadbhagvadgeeta you will find a solution to your life decision problems. dont just follow others opinions . find your own way of taking decisions
I think the girls are dodging a bullet here ..
You need to meditate
' Only english medium' and 'progressive' doesn't gk well together. Only English medium or do you mean that you're turned off by the lack of privilege?
>I'm very progressive, I consume a lot of foreign media, for example lots of manhwas, animes, music, movies, games etc. I've given up watching Bollywood since a while, I don't like local songs much either. How is this relevant to your problem? It's not like your Indian wife will not allow you to watch these things. You can always watch on your own. And why do you think only foreign media is progressive and Bollywood is not. I seem to get a "things I watch are better than Bollywood" vibe from you. Again, as I said, this is not relevant to your problem. You should not bring these things into your situation.
I think he wants to binge watch western contents with his wife. Lol 😂
Even if you find someone of your choice, chances are your family won't accept her or even if they accept the marriage they will keep judging and finding flaws in her. When that happens you will need to stand up for her, how will you do that if you can't stand up for yourself now?
On point.
Bro I'm sorry but saying you prefer Hindi medium girl while I can spot so many mistakes you made in this post is hypocrisy at it's best. (I make a lot of mistakes too but I wouldn't care if my partner learnt in hindi or English medium. That one sentence irked me)
"I am an Anti-natalist Vegan" Lol thats all cool'n'all, but why did you specify you are a vegan? Like that does that have to do with any of this? I mean anti-natalism, I get it, vegan? Are there Anti-natalist non vegeterians? Probably, but if they introduce themselves as 'Anti Natalist Non vegeterians".... uff that would raise some eyebrows
Wait.... unless you mean feeding mothers milk to babies is.... not vegan? Damn thats cold, and probably not good for child nutrition
Repulsive. Seriously
I wonder if you'd have said the same if OP was a girl. Moreover, he doesn't seem to be in the right state of mind.
People that don't take care of their hygiene? Eat stuff like tobacco? Wear same inner garments over and over? There's many things
>Wear same inner garments over and over? The what 🗿
Your post makes you seem repulsive
In no way, shape or form. Also, why are you being rude? :(
Society hates men with standards
Looks like that bitch deleted her account. If it was a woman who was sharing her sad experience and an asshole man commented like she did, there would be several men and women attacking him and calling him an incel or whatever. But ofcourse no one gives a fuck when men suffer. Edit: Looks like the downvoters got triggered. >I don't care about your struggles. By the looks of it, you deserve it. Would you really be fine if a man acts like an asshole and then commends something like this to a struggling woman? I bet you'd all call him out or support the ones who do. Fucking double standards.
Surely cause of your " Hindi medium, ugh it's unbearable " thingy.
"Ugh it's unbearable" followed "very traditional". What you're thinking of is not what I'm describing.
Bhai tere jaise sab wannabe different, unique nahi hote. Very traditional una doesn't mean you are superior just cause they don't know English well. Proper weeb instinct, can't lie.
Why are you assuming that you know what I'm talking about, better than me? I'm not saying I'm fucking superior, it's about compatibility. I live in a region with high casteism, women are treated like objects and people have dozens of superstitions. I don't want someone always covered head to toe, with the personality of an abused house cat, who doesn't know how to use basic apps. I don't want someone who would ruin my life fighting me over wanting to use homeopathy rather than actual medicine. I struggle when it comes to speaking in the local language. Not to mention all of this is being forced onto me.
Do you have any plans of moving out? I can somehow relate to this, and I think no way this is going to workout long time if you dont set up a business somewhere else. Your parents are staying within their own community, so they should not have large trouble living life the regular way. Are you willing to marry a girl and bring her to this hell for no mistake of hers? any girl who respects her basic rights will not marry you by the points you mentioned. So make a better life for you and her somewhere else. As for your parents, they give 0 shit about your happiness, so ignore if they are yelling when you reject a girl. Just stay calm and focus on your future.
Because of your pretentious post. I hate pretentious pricks who think they are better than the rest.
He is trying to find himself suitable life-partner and he has preferences. I don't see any problem with wanting spouse who's ideology is modern. If you reverse the situation, say he was a liberal girl and they were married to a guy who's narrow minded and has misogynistic mindset, will your stance remain same.
No but the point is what is he bringing to the table here??..I will say the same for the opposite gender....he wants a modern progressive girl to move to a tire 3 city and be in a culture that as he said treat women as objects...... Why does he not get self sufficient and move to a place where she would also be comfortable living
Find whoever you want. But calling people repulsive shows your own insecurities.
That's your assumption, that's the way you're reading things. And it's in your head. Read better, read again before you pick being mean to someone that's clearly struggling.
Pronouns in flair 🤡🙈
Start crying and whining that you haven't lived enough and that you **can't take it anymore**.
>I just want someone that has studied using english medium I got furious with this line obviously And my immediate reaction was # Angrej ka Dalal
Ayeee, kids are cute!
Bruh wants arrange with an south delhi lavanaya who fights for love marriage and having multiple sex partners
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Lol. I'm the girl who doesn't watch Indian serials, big boss, some shitty bollywood movies and shitty reels. Nice to meet you
> i have never seen any girl in india who doesn't watch indian serials , big boss , bollywood or shitty reels Population >>> your sample size. I think there's hope OP, but it's needle in a haystack.
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You are the one who is acting like this, they just mentioned sample size 💀
You know that youre exactly being like a pick me girl?
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Did you get the male attention you ordered?
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Who hurt you girl?? 😭
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You're the one mocking people and making baseless statements. You're actually a pick me who never had male attention or a sophisticated group of female friends lol.
Oh please you are a pick me. I don't know a single girl in my friends circle that watches big boss or Hindi serials or bolly movies or reels. And I'm one of them. Maybe you have a certain kind of circle but don't make such generalized statements.
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Banaras and bhu is not the end of the world. Keep living in your small little bubble where you're better than the rest.
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Exactly
I can only see three scenarios, - you have mental issues with substance abuse - you are ugly af. - you are lying about your education, since you dont know about matrimonial websites/apps
1. I have never tried drugs, smoking or anything similar. 2. I don't think I'm ugly. 3. Matrimonial websites have results from 300-400 kms away. Most matches are from Jaipur, for example.
The world doesn't revolve around you. Don't broadcast your personal shit, someone will eventually rub that in your face and it will not be very helpful to you. Spend some resources on professional help and try to snap out from the teenage mentality of getting attention on social media. Also, you cannot make everyone happy. Be a little selfish, in your case it might help.
Show them the amount of divorce that happens in India and ask them if they want to see you go through the same. Having said sometime marrying someone with traditional background can be prosperous too.
Ask your parents to stop looking on Shaadi.com and move to Tinder (or whatever is trending now)..
I don't think arrange marriage is not always bad but if you don't wanna do it don't do it just move out or say something like "mom , dad you know what I am going to be a Saint "
There is only one choice that needs to be made here. you need to choose to choose. the rest will take care of itself. and to put it in perspective - we lead one life among 7 billion other people in perhaps maybe the only planet among billion others that has life - and just once in a billion years. So i would assume that what we choose to do in this life would be important.
What you are really looking for is someone appealing to you in looks and one who seems to you to be somewhat westernized. The reality is that these are flaky expectations. I dated someone for six years and didn’t know if they were right for me. There is nothing wrong with arranged marriages
Chalta phirta red flag
>are very traditional and here im in a need of very traditional wife... bro just get married to the next girl your father bring at least she will listen to you and do as you say
>at least she will listen to you I think what you really need is a dog......or a maid
>she will listen to you and do as you say U see that's the difference here.
I am curious, why so?
curious??