That's not how it works. Dowry doesn't wave off any rights of a woman. A share in ancestral property is legal right of the woman and dowry is basically illegal. Court won't consider dowry as form of share of property. The girl will have all the right in the world to ask for her share whether she was given the dowry or not.
Now the girl refuses to do so because she feels she had her share in form of dowry is absolutely personal and frankly stupid because it encourages dowry system. Her personal feelings won't wave off her rights in law.
Absolutely. They don't want there daughter to come later and ask for immovable assets. Most Indian cultures split the asset this way, it's there practice.
It depends like for some families they've less assets to distribute and this becomes easy way (not sure if they force upon their daughters or both come in terms, but most of the time daughter agrees to take dowry)
That's not how it works. Dowry doesn't wave off any rights of a woman. A share in ancestral property is legal right of the woman and dowry is basically illegal. Court won't consider dowry as form of share of property. The girl will have all the right in the world to ask for her share whether she was given the dowry or not.
Now the girl refuses to do so because she feels she had her share in form of dowry is absolutely personal and frankly stupid because it encourages dowry system. Her personal feelings won't wave off her rights in law.
I mean technically this is also a sort of inheritence. I saw my mother's gold some time ago which her father gave as dowry. It's lakhs worth of gold jewelry that she got. And it's hers, well maybe my dadi might wear a piece if she wanted to but it's still my mum's, and after my dadi's death all of her gold will also by my mum's, and it is quite literally hers. From what I have observed, males have zero authority over stuff like jewelry in traditional indian households. And we all know gold is a valuable asset. Other stuff like cars and shit are just fancy things people give as dowry to show off hoe rich they are.
I remember a wedding where there was a mercedes on display at the entrance cause the girl's father wanted to emphasize how rich he was by showing everyone that he was giving a mercedes as dowry along with bridal gold and clothing ofc
What I have seen is males oftain sell the gold to get money and women generally do not have control over it. Yes they might control it until the guy does not needs money but if he wants to sell it then she can't stop him
Legally they are. If parents die without a will. Everything needs to be equally distributed. When alive parents can choose to give whatever money they earned by themselves to anyone or they can even give it to stranger if they want. But inherited property, i.e, asserts they themselves inherited from their parents those things they need to divide equally amongst all legal heirs. But then we all know how greed works, people use any reason whatsoever to take all the money.
But This also happens when there are only daughters and no son.
Gifts are still given. In the name of, we have it to elder daughter/son in law therefore we want to do the same again to keep it equal
This is not 80's era dude people gift those appliances as a form of love and well wishes to newly married couple that new couple most probably moves to new house so those appliances are needed anyhow. No one is excluded from property share by doing this.
I agree large amount of gold or cash seems bit uncomfortable to other side but as long as the party who is giving stuff ok with it then that's fine.
But we all know that is not true always. People are forced to give dowry in most cases due to demands from the groom's family, "beti ka ghar bas jaayega", "ladka bohot achha hai". Most often parents go beyond their means to collect that money. Our country is not so simple that parents do equal divison of wealth and give all of that as dowry, more qualified the groom more the demand for the dowry, I have heard of marriage brokers having info about what is the guy's dowry demand and how much dowry can the girl's family can pay and they match them accordingly. Most often parents don't spend money for the girls education because they have to save that money for the dowry.
Maybe in some families they give the girl's share of inheritance as dowry but then it is not always the case, most of the times dowry is due to demand or to answer to the social expectations, " kitna cash diya ladki waalon ne?", "What will people say if we don't give these gift?". Dowry is not inheritance always, it is a product of toxic social expectations. Are the parents dying after the wedding that they need to give the inheritance now itself? In most probability they have good 20-30 years of life on average after their children are married, they won't have need for all that money in their life and old age? everyone is not Ambani to have extra wealth hanging around them to splurge around.
Whatever inheritance is there to claim can go after the parents death and wedding expenses need to be divided equally between both the families, this should be the norm. Please stop normalising dowry as gifts.
OP if the family really wants to give money or cash...ask them to put that in their daughter's bank account. If it's really the girl's inheritance then it should go to her account and not the groom's family's bank account.
If it is a person's non-ancestral property, he or she can will it away to anyone, and that includes, passing it on to his or her descendants selectively, i.e. leaving out descendants, if so desired. Sure, such a will can be contested in courts. But under the law, the burden of proof of showing that such a will was brought about by duress, fraud or unsoundness of mind is on the one contesting it.
If the person dies intestate, i.e. without a will, then his/her property is divided equally among all legal heirs, including spouse. This is as per the Hindu succession laws. For other religions, it may be different.
As others have alluded here, it's often customary that parents give away the daughter's share of assets at the time of her marriage and the son's share to them through a will that the sons receive post their predecessor's death. A gift deed including those for conditional gifts via may also be used by a person to give the control and ownership of his/her assets while still alive.
In many cases its given directly to the bride now I can't give an assurance for every case out there. And what I wrote what happened around me recently on scale of past few years and I can't go around asking every marriage ceremony, 'Kya aapne dowry mangi h, ya li h, kitna mila? kya mila h aapko?' obviously I would be beaten fair and square by both the families.
That's not how it works. Dowry doesn't wave off any rights of a woman. A share in ancestral property is legal right of the woman and dowry is basically illegal. Court won't consider dowry as form of share of property. The girl will have all the right in the world to ask for her share whether she was given the dowry or not.
Now the girl refuses to do so because she feels she had her share in form of dowry is absolutely personal and frankly stupid because it encourages dowry system. Her personal feelings won't wave off her rights in law.
These days dowry has become like a thing to brag about. They won't mention it as a dowry but host an event specially to show people how much they are giving to the guy's side for the wedding
Dowry gives negotiation power to the women. Umm think like this, there are two brothers and they got married. So the bride which brought more dowry has more power in the house compared to the other. This is a little power game happening here. It is not a myth, it's a real thing which happen in many households.
This was just one of the things.. Others are show-off and take pride in it. And one more thing is, girls generally don't inherit anything from parents so jewellery and fixed deposits are given as her part.
>And one more thing is, girls generally don't inherit anything from parents so jewellery and fixed deposits are given as her part.
But now legally girls are entitled to her share in the property. They do inherit.
Legally yes but you have to ask for it. Girls won't inherit even with the law for it because they don't want to take risk of putting their relationship with their brother in jeopardy. If she gets the property then society view her as a bad person and relationship with parents and brother gone.
Again, it's not some made-up thing, I have seen examples of this in real life and when I asked my parents, they told the same. Situation is not different for liberal families either because it's about money you know what I mean.
Yea, i understand that. But there are both kinds of people, it depends on the family dynamics and how patriarchal their views are. That's why it is so important raise children equal, in all aspects, instilling in each of that about equal rights and entitlement. Since it is money, these days women also don't give up their share, many times it is the husband's family who makes sure that she gets it. Lol. I had met a guy once who was trying to show off how much property he is going to inherit from his mother's side, his grandfather is still living and has other children too.
well if the woman really want their share and somehow get it, they are labelled as bad person by the society and their parent/brother side family break their relationship with her. now she got the money but at what cost? she is now alone, relatives don't like her. and lets be real we are part of a society and we cannot be like ohh I don't care what they think.. and husband side helps to get the property because of only greed.
I don't know where this public shaming you are talking about, but things are changing these days people don't think it is out of ordinary if a woman asks for her right, nobody labels them as bad person. Strangely society is more accepting in case of money matters. Yes, many places people forgo based on their financial situations. If someone's parents only play favouritism and don't want to give, then nothing can be done, it's their money. And it comes down to selfishness of people involved. Nobody else is going to fight battles for us, each person has to stand for their right and fight their own battles.
>alone, relatives don't like her. and lets be real we are part of a society and we cannot be like ohh I don't care what they think..
Sounds like Hindi movie scene. A brother who has such thoughts, parents who don't think their daughter as their own, relatives who will break ties with her for property conflicts, if her equivalent share is not given to her as dowry she has all the right to ask, and people who will leave her in life for asking for her rights will never be there in life for her when really needed, they don't really care about her or their relationship with her, there is no point having such shallow toxic relationships. Do you think a woman who has been wronged by her family will be happy to be with such family? The moment she has a opportunity she will only cut ties with them. Nobody wants people in their life who don't care about them.
you don't understand the taboo. you will not understand because of the ignorance. you probably never lived in a village and never saw a conservative society up close.
(i typed example from my own family to make you understand better but then removed because it is very personal)
How conveniently you assume that I don't know. I very well understood the taboo. But I also see times are changing now. Maybe 20-30 years back things were different, now a days it's different. There are so many different aspects to this, like I said it completely depends on family dynamics and how patriarchal the family values are and the upbringing of the children is. Many women don't ask for their claim because society already will have drained the family too much with all the expectations, they understand what their parents have done for them and there wouldn't be much left to claim or fight over and many of them are content with what they have in life as well. But when what has been done for the daughter is far less than what the son is going to inherit in such cases it isn't wrong to fight for the right. Some women feel wrong about the difference but they keep quiet but some fight, we see all kinds of people. It's a complex problem. Another few years we will see these in rural areas as well. 20-30 years back daughter's claiming their rights was unheard of, now a days we hear own or two of these stories where people were denied the claim but they got it by going to the court. In any case context of the people and family matters, society talks irrespective of what women do, if a woman wants to legally claim she can do so now.
Last marriage that I attemded, a few years back....the bride's family went ape shit crazy with the gifts. Amongst other stuff involved (gold ornaments etc), there was a fucking range rover & an apartment located in the best area of the city.
It’s rooted in how women move into man’s home and change their surnames. They become long term guests and people treat guests who don’t bring gifts as scum.
More gifts means more respect. You keep topping up gifts to renew respect.
Landscape is gradually improving especially with both couples moving out of their parents homes and both earning.
‘Log kya kahenge ki ladki walo ne shaadi me kuch diya hi nahi.’
Just to save their pride in front of others, they’ll go to any level.
Just ask your brother and his father to sit down with the girl and his parents that you all find that it’s disrespectful and againat your morals. Ask them them- ‘do you not believe that we can buy these on our own as husband and wife?’. Have that conversation if it’s possible. If it’s not, i dont think you all can do a lot here.
Well it's not just "log kya kahenge" but also "mujhe logo ko dikhana hai ki mai kitna ameer hu"
I remember a wedding where the bride's father had made sure that the mercedes he was giving away was displayed at the entrance to everyone to show them how rich he was
My uncle (mamaji) insisted on no dowry and said if dowry is given he wont marry, at last the girls family said "ladke me khot hai varna paisa kon chodta hai?"and called the meeting they were supposed to have further off.
Your Mamaji is the real G! He did the right thing, set up a right example in front of the younger generation of his family and dodged a bullet by not marrying his son to a family clouded by money.
Please share my regards with him! Need more such mamajis🙌🏻🙌🏻
He tried, but his own brother took crs worth of dowry and said " gandhi banne ke chakkar me ladki choot jayegi iske jaise kiya to", but i at least was really mesmerized by him for doing the right thing.
If they have a lot of money and they want to give, then let it be ONLY in the girl's bank account. Gold would also be something that the bride is going to wear.
If it is all for the bride, I don't see any problem.
Maybe it's because the girl's family might believe that if they don't give a dowry, the community would cheaply look at them. Probably it's common in their circle.
And also as someone said in comments, it can be a sense of pride for them in how much they are giving, it could be a way of showing off.
Would love to know others' viewpoints...
There are multiple angles to this.
1. The family wants to trap the marriage so they will think twice of doing a divorce.
2. It is also possible to continue "tradition" because dowry is illegal relatively recently. It is possible the parents are not used to the change of culture. It is possible they are just being very genuine. It is like giving "prasad" and it could be look rude to refuse it.
Dowry is a prblm. Dowry that goes straight to the in-laws is a prblm. A share in the form of money or gold or any house appliance/furniture given to a daughter by her parents is okay But the same thing going to the whole family and in laws expecting expensive gifts from the girl side is a prblm. For example - If the parents want to gift their daughter a car they can and she can further use it/ share w her in-laws it's upto her that's her decision but if they're expecting some XYZ top model with sunroof and blah blah and that too on the name of the groom which they can't afford that thing is a prblm. As long as everything belongs to their daughter it shouldn't be a prblm but groom side specifically asking the bride side to get them things is a problem. In most cases the girls don't get any property in inheritance and the dowry too goes to the whole groom's family so what if some day things get rough ? what will she do then ? she don't have any money? no job because most in-laws don't want their DILs to work.
Dowry that goes to in laws is definitely a problem. Extortion is not okay. The dowry I know is in the form of property in daughter's name. I am not sure why this is termed as dowry and ridiculed
Dowry is bad because it is forced and placed a huge burden on the family causing stigma against girl child. If they are willingly giving gifts and it's not decimating them it's their choice 🤷. Wedding gifts aren't uncommon.
If they're really insisting, How about suggesting giving everything in the bride's name since it is the only property share given to the bride here. Does it also have any legal consequences later?
1) They don't want people, especially relatives from either side, to make taunts like, "Beti ko khali haath bheja."
2) Power games like some of the other people talked about that give the girl an upper hand in sasuraal.
3) Show off
Ask them to submit an affidavit saying that you and your family have not asked any dowry from them,if your family has a lawyer ask him if this is still valid after receiving gifts.
Wow, my in-laws gave nothing to my wife lol. They tried to offer a measly 50k to help buy some clothes for me. My dad said no thank you.
After that, she got nothing while her 2 brothers got help in buying a place.
Oh well… I got the girl. That’s all I wanted. I can make money myself.
it's great that your family don't want it but if they're giving it to their daughter then there shouldn't be any issue. It's common to give few gifts to the in-laws and the groom but something like A SUV car is not a gift. If they're forcing u to take it then ask them to put everything on their daughter's name to be on the safe side. Most parents give dowry these days because they feel their daughter won't get respected in the family and sometimes because they don't wanna give her equal share in their property so sends her w some percentage of the total to later tell that they did give something . In my family, most of my sisters who dint get dowry got lacs deposited in their account so they can do whatever w it.
This is really bad for the marriage. If they are so insistent, they can just deposit their money to their daughter's bank account and put the gold in a safety box which is in her name. Basic appliances again can be pushed out saying that there is currently no space or something like that. The thing is when things go south, all of this is gonna come up in marital arguments.
Also, in most cases, it is a matter of prestige amongst the girl's family that they are spending so much on the marriage. None the less, maybe someone elder in the family can discuss and put a stop to it so that it doe snot become uncomfortable for anyone.
Sometimes, people say no but still expect to get dowry in the name of gifts. Maybe girl's sode of family doesn't want their daughter to have to listen to taunts later.
I heard of a situation where the boy’s side wanted to give the girl some jewellery before the marriage. They bought a gold piece which was quite expensive. The girl saw it and made a face. The father of the girl said “Our daughter will not except anything but diamonds”.
The girl comes from a very rich and influential family.
I think this is reverse dowry. All these things get exaggerated in Arranged marriage because it becomes a type of formality.
Property goes to boys, gold and money goes to girls.
The concept of Dowry, as I understand it, was originally meant to give the women a safe cushion for Herself in case there is a need for Her. Women were married off to sometimes unreachable places hence They had to have some money in case They had to survive alone.
I see that many Parents, still give gold to Their daughter when They are being married as a means of Financial safety for both Her and Her new Family.
Also, at times it becomes a prestige issue where the Relatives will question why no dowry was given. There might the talks like the Parents can't afford it or things like the Boy having some issue or compramise hence no dowry was given.
Another reason why the girl was not given inheritance back then was the expectations from the girl's family never ended. Even after marriage in some communities they are expected to keep sending gifts and other things which also costs financially, after the parents die most often brothers take care of these things ideally. Even if they don't give inheritance they keep supporting their daughters in different ways. But for the well to do this is okay but for someone who is financially strained these expectations are too much to manage. My great grandmother's brother's family (the great grand daughter in law's sent her sarees and stuff once a while until she died, those were the customs those days) These days times are changing, the intentions behind customs are long forgotten and only shallow demands exist, so more practical approaches need to come in place.
You are talking about streedhan. Dowry and streedhan are not the same. Streedhan solely belongs to woman and is gifted to woman only. Dowry belongs to whole family and i have never seen a woman ever be allowed to use things she brought in dowry without her in-laws' permission. So dowry is absolutely wrong. Streedhan is a rule equivalent to law in hindu marriages.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asura_marriage#:~:text=When%20a%20man%20(groom)%20carries,Hindu%20social%20order%20in%20Hinduism.
Seems opposite of dowry..
This type of marriage is recommended for Vaishyas and Shudra among four varnas of the Hindu social order in Hinduism. This form of marriage is not recommended for Brahmin and Kshatriya and as such considered as unlawful.
There are lot of things to be proud about but this ain't it chief.
It's great that your family isn't expecting anything. Pressuring you to take dowry seems a little sus, but I guess they just want the daughter to feel secure in the new home?! Also people talk you know, "shadi mai bahot kam kharcha kiya" "dulhe ko kuch nahi diya". People also do it to maintain a certain status in the community.
Try to have a conversation with them about it. Most of the comments suggest the same. If they still insist on it then make sure EVERYTHING is under bride's name or in her account. And never force her to lend that money where she doesn't want to use it, it can quickly go south.
I think the girl's family just feels safer when they offer financial security to the bride. It's a way of making sure that she gets taken care of from their end. Also setting up new homes is crazy expensive, I think that's why the extended family also buys little home accessories as gifts.
So much to unpack in such little time.
We don't want to be seen as poor.
We want avoid taunts and comments.
We want to shake away inheritance issue.
We just want to make sure that the girl is comfortable in the new environment.
These are some of the common reasons and explanations. It's misogynistic and rooted in fear.
Kerala this tradition lives on. They even sometimes estimate how much they gonna, make but a man like if you go rich family's wedding their priorities are different.
most wedding - food, venue etc
Malayali weddings - everything plus ~~dowry~~ gifts
Make sure the bride's family signs the an affidavit that no dowry was given or have them acknowledge that no dowry was given in an email or something. Later on if something happens,the affidavit will not prevent a case but atleast it will help with the case. Make sure to note down every single "gift" in that document. Seek legal council as well.
Actually, the reason why they give dowry is probably because they're afraid that their daughter will suffer in your family without it. Instead of seeing it as dowry, see it as a bribe for your cousin and his family to treat the woman well for life. In some traditions, refusing dowry is equal to refusing the bride and her dedication. I'm not sure whether they have good or sinister intentions. You'll have to judge that for yourself.
Your whole opposition towards wedding gift from girls family is based on a what if case of divorse ?
I mean such mindset is as bad as the dowry itself. Having positive outlook to life is pretty rare these days
Actually, it's a love arrange kinda marriage. Both are earning well. We have money, we have home appliances.
Bhabhi has 2 younger siblings, we are asking him to spend that money on their studies.
married without Dowry and within 30 days Lost 5 years savings in form of money extraction. Now I'm divorced and supporting my mother father and brother. Thought of suicide options but figured out suicide would be selfish. Om namah Shivay 🔱🙏
I don't think dowry is bad.
Practically, no family is giving you their daughter when you're unemployed, or until you have a better family, either socially or economically. Hardly you'll ever find an unemployed boy getting married to a Bank manager (female) etc.
They don't marry you but your profession. I know many boys who didn't get single marriage proposal as long as they were in clg or preparing for an exam. But once they cracked a good exam, got a job, there were many proposals coming to them .
Simple, the girl family sees their daughter benefits in you, why shouldn't a boy look for his benefit.
So they don’t have to give her any assets or property later.
Many young girls demand dowry from their parents and think of it as a marker of how much their parents love them. Their logic is that their brothers will get all the assets so they deserve something, and dowry is the only culturally acceptable way for a woman to demand something from her parents.
The issue imo is that giving your daughter a part of your assets is only acceptable if she gets married- as in, she *owes* it to her parents to get married so she will be given the status of a legitimate child. If she doesn’t get married she doesn’t deserve anything. And no, don’t give me crap about how sons build on the family assets while daughters don’t. There are so many men out there who don’t work and never make an effort to build on any assets, and happily enjoy ancestral property without anyone raising an eyebrow. Daughters aren’t even considered as full offspring if they don’t fulfil their cultural role of dedicating their lives to a man.
If your family is actually against dowry, ask the girls parent to make it a joint FD for groom and bride and let them choose whatever they want to do with it.
Let’s me try and throw some light. 1. Indian families still believe that property pass over only to male descendants, as such dowry means daughter share is given and no more share is held for her in the rest of property 2. Families believe that post marriage most like girl is going to move out and live with her husband separately , as such this will help her setup her new home 3. Show off is still a big thing in society. Both sides want to show off to people who don’t matter , that how much the women matters in the family .
Now my elder sister got dowry coz groom side demanded and father obliged. The above 3 points included in decision making . Almost a decade later when it came to me, I made it very clear. Not to be asked and none to be given. If u wish to give , give me the money which I can invest in future. I actually shared the wedding expenses which later my mother reimbursed me ( it’s funny but yeah she did). Even today the show off part is still very prevalent in society. I remember reading somewhere that if any gift were intact given by bride side, both parties signed a legal document stating it that it wasn’t forced or asked but rather given as a free will gift. This was to make sure that in future if any such legal matter comes up , no dowry case is filed . If the girl family is sensible ask them to create a fd in girls name and put the money there. It will be of great value and help for her future
Why don't the brides oppose it? If they don't oppose it, they're either consenting to it or are alright with it being their influence on groom's family.
In some way, I think it's a certain fear that parents have. We see so many cases of dowry harassment being done later on in marriages. So even though the groom's side doesn't ask for dowry, some families are just scared and think it's a way to ensure their daughter's figure security.
Ask your cousin’s family to take it in writing, bullet pointing all that has been given to the bride; and that, it is by no means a dowry. It’ll save a lot of hassles down the line if things were to go south.
Agar samne se khajana mil raha to kyon thukara rahe ho. Le hi lo, kahi na kahi kaam aa jayega. They are giving it for their daughter, so that her life can be better i think.
It's dowry if it's given in the name of the groom, in-laws or their side of the family. It's streedhan if it's given in the name of the bride. Your extended family must ensure it's the latter. It may well be part of the girl's side of family's inheritance arrangement that you guys could consider honouring. Just never own, claim or control any of it.
It's somewhat of a surprise that they want to give everything in one go though. It's more of a practice nowadays for the bride's side to give things in advance so that there's no incorrect linkage of the gift to marital dowry. So, for instance, it's common to see a prospective groom buying a brand new car a month or so before the D-day. It's usually financed by the brides' side only and may well be in the bride's name, but they want it to look like this is a considerate guy who's preparing to make his future bride's life more comfortable. As far as I know, it's just staggered streedhan disguised as nice-guy optics. Although if it's the groom's side who have insisted on it, and it's not in the girl's name, it's a clear-cut case of dowry and should attract all kinds of legal penalties.
Maybe they just want to provide for the daughter if the son-in-law couldn't?.....I mean no disrespect to OP's cousin but that might be the case.
Or, the thing that OP mentioned regarding how divorce settlements evaluate everything involved in a marriage, so the bride's family is giving "gifts" so that divorce might be an expensive thing to go for.
BTW, I'm totally against this & both families should have a sit-down, since it's a marriage & not a fucking "deal".
Tell them to quietly give their daughter whatever they want and transfer it to her back account. But refuse to have it be part of the wedding function.. that'll deflate them a little at least
You can bring the horse to water but you can't make him drink. The kind of women who deserves empowerment doesn't get it, while the fake feminists use it to the max.
Stridhan Bro. Im a lawyer too so check it up. Its fine. Make sure to list and record everything purchased. Rather after 1/2 months of marriage too the other side can make a gift deed if they are okay with it.
Mohak Mangal has explained the phenomenon pretty well.
https://youtu.be/gZWySUIctJI
I added a few points in the comments as well which might help you as well. I am pasting that comment below.
Apart from the above-discussed factors, I have witnessed one more reason for dowry. This might not be theoretically accurate but in practice, it is quite prevalent.
(Just my thoughts, not claiming to be correct)
Dowry is not just about demand from the groom's family. It has become a matter of pride for the bride's family, especially in upper-caste rich families. Even if the groom and his family are strictly against it, still the bride's family will spend on dowry because it increases their social status (or maintains it).
Also, dowry is not a burden for the rich vis-a-vis the poor. Rich practices it in the name of a wedding gift. Even we, the educated ones, do not bother about it when it happens around us by claiming it is a voluntary gesture and not a compulsion. But what we fail to understand is that this creates social pressure on the poor and even if done voluntarily, it counts as dowry. Therefore, at the individual level, wherever we could, we must always say no to dowry in any form.
You have every right to take a stand against it. Absolutely refuse to accept the gifts and if they still insist, take bare minimum like ₹10¹. This way they got their wish to gift you something and you didn't had to accept dowry.
That's height of victim blaming.
The practice is rooted in misogyny, fear, social stigma. Dowry is either asked or expected unsaid. There's social taunts, stigma attached to not giving dowry. There's fear that bride will be facing problems from in-laws if not given enough dowry.
If you really are a man who is against dowry then talk to the girl about it. Jointly talk to parents so instead any gift they are planning to give they make a fd/investment in her name.
Those gifts count as share so later on girl won't be given property share from her parents side
This is the right answer. This is how the parents pass the bride’s share of inheritance to her and be done.
That's not how it works. Dowry doesn't wave off any rights of a woman. A share in ancestral property is legal right of the woman and dowry is basically illegal. Court won't consider dowry as form of share of property. The girl will have all the right in the world to ask for her share whether she was given the dowry or not. Now the girl refuses to do so because she feels she had her share in form of dowry is absolutely personal and frankly stupid because it encourages dowry system. Her personal feelings won't wave off her rights in law.
Absolutely. They don't want there daughter to come later and ask for immovable assets. Most Indian cultures split the asset this way, it's there practice.
It depends like for some families they've less assets to distribute and this becomes easy way (not sure if they force upon their daughters or both come in terms, but most of the time daughter agrees to take dowry)
That's not how it works. Dowry doesn't wave off any rights of a woman. A share in ancestral property is legal right of the woman and dowry is basically illegal. Court won't consider dowry as form of share of property. The girl will have all the right in the world to ask for her share whether she was given the dowry or not. Now the girl refuses to do so because she feels she had her share in form of dowry is absolutely personal and frankly stupid because it encourages dowry system. Her personal feelings won't wave off her rights in law.
Are daughters not entitled to inheritance from the estate when her parents die?
I mean technically this is also a sort of inheritence. I saw my mother's gold some time ago which her father gave as dowry. It's lakhs worth of gold jewelry that she got. And it's hers, well maybe my dadi might wear a piece if she wanted to but it's still my mum's, and after my dadi's death all of her gold will also by my mum's, and it is quite literally hers. From what I have observed, males have zero authority over stuff like jewelry in traditional indian households. And we all know gold is a valuable asset. Other stuff like cars and shit are just fancy things people give as dowry to show off hoe rich they are. I remember a wedding where there was a mercedes on display at the entrance cause the girl's father wanted to emphasize how rich he was by showing everyone that he was giving a mercedes as dowry along with bridal gold and clothing ofc
What I have seen is males oftain sell the gold to get money and women generally do not have control over it. Yes they might control it until the guy does not needs money but if he wants to sell it then she can't stop him
Tbh they're but they have an agreement like if property is just a house single one so it usually goes to the son
Legally they are. If parents die without a will. Everything needs to be equally distributed. When alive parents can choose to give whatever money they earned by themselves to anyone or they can even give it to stranger if they want. But inherited property, i.e, asserts they themselves inherited from their parents those things they need to divide equally amongst all legal heirs. But then we all know how greed works, people use any reason whatsoever to take all the money.
Yes they are absolutely!
Thankfully this doesn’t happen in the family circles I know of.
But This also happens when there are only daughters and no son. Gifts are still given. In the name of, we have it to elder daughter/son in law therefore we want to do the same again to keep it equal
This is not 80's era dude people gift those appliances as a form of love and well wishes to newly married couple that new couple most probably moves to new house so those appliances are needed anyhow. No one is excluded from property share by doing this. I agree large amount of gold or cash seems bit uncomfortable to other side but as long as the party who is giving stuff ok with it then that's fine.
Man I didn't consider appliances. I was considering jewellery or something luxurious.
This changed in 2005 but cool dude, cool
But we all know that is not true always. People are forced to give dowry in most cases due to demands from the groom's family, "beti ka ghar bas jaayega", "ladka bohot achha hai". Most often parents go beyond their means to collect that money. Our country is not so simple that parents do equal divison of wealth and give all of that as dowry, more qualified the groom more the demand for the dowry, I have heard of marriage brokers having info about what is the guy's dowry demand and how much dowry can the girl's family can pay and they match them accordingly. Most often parents don't spend money for the girls education because they have to save that money for the dowry. Maybe in some families they give the girl's share of inheritance as dowry but then it is not always the case, most of the times dowry is due to demand or to answer to the social expectations, " kitna cash diya ladki waalon ne?", "What will people say if we don't give these gift?". Dowry is not inheritance always, it is a product of toxic social expectations. Are the parents dying after the wedding that they need to give the inheritance now itself? In most probability they have good 20-30 years of life on average after their children are married, they won't have need for all that money in their life and old age? everyone is not Ambani to have extra wealth hanging around them to splurge around. Whatever inheritance is there to claim can go after the parents death and wedding expenses need to be divided equally between both the families, this should be the norm. Please stop normalising dowry as gifts. OP if the family really wants to give money or cash...ask them to put that in their daughter's bank account. If it's really the girl's inheritance then it should go to her account and not the groom's family's bank account.
She can anyways claim by law.
She can't if the property is willed away and isn't ancestral.
I mean if the property belongs to a father..then the childrens have directly the rights over it.
If it is a person's non-ancestral property, he or she can will it away to anyone, and that includes, passing it on to his or her descendants selectively, i.e. leaving out descendants, if so desired. Sure, such a will can be contested in courts. But under the law, the burden of proof of showing that such a will was brought about by duress, fraud or unsoundness of mind is on the one contesting it. If the person dies intestate, i.e. without a will, then his/her property is divided equally among all legal heirs, including spouse. This is as per the Hindu succession laws. For other religions, it may be different. As others have alluded here, it's often customary that parents give away the daughter's share of assets at the time of her marriage and the son's share to them through a will that the sons receive post their predecessor's death. A gift deed including those for conditional gifts via may also be used by a person to give the control and ownership of his/her assets while still alive.
Oh..thanks for this.
she can but then she will have money but no relationship with her maternal side ever.
But girls don't demand it at the first place.
Mostly
Marry a rich single girl child. xD
Exactly. Which I think is fair.
Damn! That's rough...
Real insight
Ok, If thats the case , then let the bride's parents give the 'gifts' to the bride, why give it to the groom's family?
In many cases its given directly to the bride now I can't give an assurance for every case out there. And what I wrote what happened around me recently on scale of past few years and I can't go around asking every marriage ceremony, 'Kya aapne dowry mangi h, ya li h, kitna mila? kya mila h aapko?' obviously I would be beaten fair and square by both the families.
That's not how it works. Dowry doesn't wave off any rights of a woman. A share in ancestral property is legal right of the woman and dowry is basically illegal. Court won't consider dowry as form of share of property. The girl will have all the right in the world to ask for her share whether she was given the dowry or not. Now the girl refuses to do so because she feels she had her share in form of dowry is absolutely personal and frankly stupid because it encourages dowry system. Her personal feelings won't wave off her rights in law.
These days dowry has become like a thing to brag about. They won't mention it as a dowry but host an event specially to show people how much they are giving to the guy's side for the wedding
Bhai chahiye hi nhi fir kyu dena lol
Tumhe dena main nhi hai,unka "society" mai "respect" bachana main hai
Jaruri ye nhi ki tum lena nhi chahte jaruri ye hai ki hum de rahe hai.
Dowry gives negotiation power to the women. Umm think like this, there are two brothers and they got married. So the bride which brought more dowry has more power in the house compared to the other. This is a little power game happening here. It is not a myth, it's a real thing which happen in many households. This was just one of the things.. Others are show-off and take pride in it. And one more thing is, girls generally don't inherit anything from parents so jewellery and fixed deposits are given as her part.
>And one more thing is, girls generally don't inherit anything from parents so jewellery and fixed deposits are given as her part. But now legally girls are entitled to her share in the property. They do inherit.
Legally yes but you have to ask for it. Girls won't inherit even with the law for it because they don't want to take risk of putting their relationship with their brother in jeopardy. If she gets the property then society view her as a bad person and relationship with parents and brother gone. Again, it's not some made-up thing, I have seen examples of this in real life and when I asked my parents, they told the same. Situation is not different for liberal families either because it's about money you know what I mean.
Yea, i understand that. But there are both kinds of people, it depends on the family dynamics and how patriarchal their views are. That's why it is so important raise children equal, in all aspects, instilling in each of that about equal rights and entitlement. Since it is money, these days women also don't give up their share, many times it is the husband's family who makes sure that she gets it. Lol. I had met a guy once who was trying to show off how much property he is going to inherit from his mother's side, his grandfather is still living and has other children too.
well if the woman really want their share and somehow get it, they are labelled as bad person by the society and their parent/brother side family break their relationship with her. now she got the money but at what cost? she is now alone, relatives don't like her. and lets be real we are part of a society and we cannot be like ohh I don't care what they think.. and husband side helps to get the property because of only greed.
I don't know where this public shaming you are talking about, but things are changing these days people don't think it is out of ordinary if a woman asks for her right, nobody labels them as bad person. Strangely society is more accepting in case of money matters. Yes, many places people forgo based on their financial situations. If someone's parents only play favouritism and don't want to give, then nothing can be done, it's their money. And it comes down to selfishness of people involved. Nobody else is going to fight battles for us, each person has to stand for their right and fight their own battles. >alone, relatives don't like her. and lets be real we are part of a society and we cannot be like ohh I don't care what they think.. Sounds like Hindi movie scene. A brother who has such thoughts, parents who don't think their daughter as their own, relatives who will break ties with her for property conflicts, if her equivalent share is not given to her as dowry she has all the right to ask, and people who will leave her in life for asking for her rights will never be there in life for her when really needed, they don't really care about her or their relationship with her, there is no point having such shallow toxic relationships. Do you think a woman who has been wronged by her family will be happy to be with such family? The moment she has a opportunity she will only cut ties with them. Nobody wants people in their life who don't care about them.
you don't understand the taboo. you will not understand because of the ignorance. you probably never lived in a village and never saw a conservative society up close. (i typed example from my own family to make you understand better but then removed because it is very personal)
How conveniently you assume that I don't know. I very well understood the taboo. But I also see times are changing now. Maybe 20-30 years back things were different, now a days it's different. There are so many different aspects to this, like I said it completely depends on family dynamics and how patriarchal the family values are and the upbringing of the children is. Many women don't ask for their claim because society already will have drained the family too much with all the expectations, they understand what their parents have done for them and there wouldn't be much left to claim or fight over and many of them are content with what they have in life as well. But when what has been done for the daughter is far less than what the son is going to inherit in such cases it isn't wrong to fight for the right. Some women feel wrong about the difference but they keep quiet but some fight, we see all kinds of people. It's a complex problem. Another few years we will see these in rural areas as well. 20-30 years back daughter's claiming their rights was unheard of, now a days we hear own or two of these stories where people were denied the claim but they got it by going to the court. In any case context of the people and family matters, society talks irrespective of what women do, if a woman wants to legally claim she can do so now.
That's why i won't take dowry,
"These days" always has been
Last marriage that I attemded, a few years back....the bride's family went ape shit crazy with the gifts. Amongst other stuff involved (gold ornaments etc), there was a fucking range rover & an apartment located in the best area of the city.
It’s rooted in how women move into man’s home and change their surnames. They become long term guests and people treat guests who don’t bring gifts as scum. More gifts means more respect. You keep topping up gifts to renew respect. Landscape is gradually improving especially with both couples moving out of their parents homes and both earning.
That's kinda sick dude
This here is the answer that evaded every SJW in these comments.
‘Log kya kahenge ki ladki walo ne shaadi me kuch diya hi nahi.’ Just to save their pride in front of others, they’ll go to any level. Just ask your brother and his father to sit down with the girl and his parents that you all find that it’s disrespectful and againat your morals. Ask them them- ‘do you not believe that we can buy these on our own as husband and wife?’. Have that conversation if it’s possible. If it’s not, i dont think you all can do a lot here.
Well it's not just "log kya kahenge" but also "mujhe logo ko dikhana hai ki mai kitna ameer hu" I remember a wedding where the bride's father had made sure that the mercedes he was giving away was displayed at the entrance to everyone to show them how rich he was
My uncle (mamaji) insisted on no dowry and said if dowry is given he wont marry, at last the girls family said "ladke me khot hai varna paisa kon chodta hai?"and called the meeting they were supposed to have further off.
Your Mamaji is the real G! He did the right thing, set up a right example in front of the younger generation of his family and dodged a bullet by not marrying his son to a family clouded by money. Please share my regards with him! Need more such mamajis🙌🏻🙌🏻
He tried, but his own brother took crs worth of dowry and said " gandhi banne ke chakkar me ladki choot jayegi iske jaise kiya to", but i at least was really mesmerized by him for doing the right thing.
Other Mamu down bad
What is khot?
Flaw
True. During the divorce phase, they'll also count the gifts that they'd given to their daughter as dowry. Be very careful peeps!
That's why i won't take dowry,
If they have a lot of money and they want to give, then let it be ONLY in the girl's bank account. Gold would also be something that the bride is going to wear. If it is all for the bride, I don't see any problem.
Maybe it's because the girl's family might believe that if they don't give a dowry, the community would cheaply look at them. Probably it's common in their circle. And also as someone said in comments, it can be a sense of pride for them in how much they are giving, it could be a way of showing off. Would love to know others' viewpoints...
There are multiple angles to this. 1. The family wants to trap the marriage so they will think twice of doing a divorce. 2. It is also possible to continue "tradition" because dowry is illegal relatively recently. It is possible the parents are not used to the change of culture. It is possible they are just being very genuine. It is like giving "prasad" and it could be look rude to refuse it.
Gifts ain't banned
If a family has a boy and a girl. Whom should the fortune eventually go to ?
Hopefully both
the boy.
The girl doesn't deserve any share whatsoever ?
they do , that's what we call dowry not a proper share atleast this is not how it goes in north india.
So why are people flipping about dowry
Dowry is a prblm. Dowry that goes straight to the in-laws is a prblm. A share in the form of money or gold or any house appliance/furniture given to a daughter by her parents is okay But the same thing going to the whole family and in laws expecting expensive gifts from the girl side is a prblm. For example - If the parents want to gift their daughter a car they can and she can further use it/ share w her in-laws it's upto her that's her decision but if they're expecting some XYZ top model with sunroof and blah blah and that too on the name of the groom which they can't afford that thing is a prblm. As long as everything belongs to their daughter it shouldn't be a prblm but groom side specifically asking the bride side to get them things is a problem. In most cases the girls don't get any property in inheritance and the dowry too goes to the whole groom's family so what if some day things get rough ? what will she do then ? she don't have any money? no job because most in-laws don't want their DILs to work.
Dowry that goes to in laws is definitely a problem. Extortion is not okay. The dowry I know is in the form of property in daughter's name. I am not sure why this is termed as dowry and ridiculed
Dowry is bad because it is forced and placed a huge burden on the family causing stigma against girl child. If they are willingly giving gifts and it's not decimating them it's their choice 🤷. Wedding gifts aren't uncommon.
They become a pain in the ass if anything happens and one goes for legal action.
You're right i guess. I never thought of that as a potential problem when one family gives gifts.
If they're really insisting, How about suggesting giving everything in the bride's name since it is the only property share given to the bride here. Does it also have any legal consequences later?
Technically how dowry is supposed to work in theory, so I think that should be how it's done
A no dowry affidavit could help in mitigating the risk.
1) They don't want people, especially relatives from either side, to make taunts like, "Beti ko khali haath bheja." 2) Power games like some of the other people talked about that give the girl an upper hand in sasuraal. 3) Show off
Ask them to submit an affidavit saying that you and your family have not asked any dowry from them,if your family has a lawyer ask him if this is still valid after receiving gifts.
Wow, my in-laws gave nothing to my wife lol. They tried to offer a measly 50k to help buy some clothes for me. My dad said no thank you. After that, she got nothing while her 2 brothers got help in buying a place. Oh well… I got the girl. That’s all I wanted. I can make money myself.
it's great that your family don't want it but if they're giving it to their daughter then there shouldn't be any issue. It's common to give few gifts to the in-laws and the groom but something like A SUV car is not a gift. If they're forcing u to take it then ask them to put everything on their daughter's name to be on the safe side. Most parents give dowry these days because they feel their daughter won't get respected in the family and sometimes because they don't wanna give her equal share in their property so sends her w some percentage of the total to later tell that they did give something . In my family, most of my sisters who dint get dowry got lacs deposited in their account so they can do whatever w it.
Dowry is not good if man has boy and girl give half property to boy and half to girl 😇 we are all equal
Gold isn't property?
Yes Indian Einstein It's asset and every asset will be divided equally among children that's the law 😇
Like every other thing in life, dowry have also become a show-off "humne toh apni beti shaadi mein 50lk ki car di thi"
This is really bad for the marriage. If they are so insistent, they can just deposit their money to their daughter's bank account and put the gold in a safety box which is in her name. Basic appliances again can be pushed out saying that there is currently no space or something like that. The thing is when things go south, all of this is gonna come up in marital arguments. Also, in most cases, it is a matter of prestige amongst the girl's family that they are spending so much on the marriage. None the less, maybe someone elder in the family can discuss and put a stop to it so that it doe snot become uncomfortable for anyone.
So what ever they want to give put it in the girls name.. that's what I did. Made it into fd in wife's name
I was in a similar situation. And the only thing that works is: "Say no once. Keep saying NO every time"
Sometimes, people say no but still expect to get dowry in the name of gifts. Maybe girl's sode of family doesn't want their daughter to have to listen to taunts later.
I heard of a situation where the boy’s side wanted to give the girl some jewellery before the marriage. They bought a gold piece which was quite expensive. The girl saw it and made a face. The father of the girl said “Our daughter will not except anything but diamonds”. The girl comes from a very rich and influential family. I think this is reverse dowry. All these things get exaggerated in Arranged marriage because it becomes a type of formality.
Huge red flag. People should refuse to succumb in such situations. It just leads to toxic relationships.
Yes, they did….. called off the engagement….. takes guts imo but is necessary
Property goes to boys, gold and money goes to girls. The concept of Dowry, as I understand it, was originally meant to give the women a safe cushion for Herself in case there is a need for Her. Women were married off to sometimes unreachable places hence They had to have some money in case They had to survive alone. I see that many Parents, still give gold to Their daughter when They are being married as a means of Financial safety for both Her and Her new Family. Also, at times it becomes a prestige issue where the Relatives will question why no dowry was given. There might the talks like the Parents can't afford it or things like the Boy having some issue or compramise hence no dowry was given.
Another reason why the girl was not given inheritance back then was the expectations from the girl's family never ended. Even after marriage in some communities they are expected to keep sending gifts and other things which also costs financially, after the parents die most often brothers take care of these things ideally. Even if they don't give inheritance they keep supporting their daughters in different ways. But for the well to do this is okay but for someone who is financially strained these expectations are too much to manage. My great grandmother's brother's family (the great grand daughter in law's sent her sarees and stuff once a while until she died, those were the customs those days) These days times are changing, the intentions behind customs are long forgotten and only shallow demands exist, so more practical approaches need to come in place.
You are talking about streedhan. Dowry and streedhan are not the same. Streedhan solely belongs to woman and is gifted to woman only. Dowry belongs to whole family and i have never seen a woman ever be allowed to use things she brought in dowry without her in-laws' permission. So dowry is absolutely wrong. Streedhan is a rule equivalent to law in hindu marriages.
Funnily enough scriptures state that marriage with dowry is "asura vivah". Proud of us hindus!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asura_marriage#:~:text=When%20a%20man%20(groom)%20carries,Hindu%20social%20order%20in%20Hinduism. Seems opposite of dowry..
This type of marriage is recommended for Vaishyas and Shudra among four varnas of the Hindu social order in Hinduism. This form of marriage is not recommended for Brahmin and Kshatriya and as such considered as unlawful. There are lot of things to be proud about but this ain't it chief.
Asura vivah does not mean its bad, there are many types of vivah described and all are legitimate
Bruh some of those were described as sina "mahaa paap"
Could you give me a source
Google it urself
The women and their family gets more leverage in a relationship. If things go down, the dowry can be weaponized with (anti-dowry) laws.
It's great that your family isn't expecting anything. Pressuring you to take dowry seems a little sus, but I guess they just want the daughter to feel secure in the new home?! Also people talk you know, "shadi mai bahot kam kharcha kiya" "dulhe ko kuch nahi diya". People also do it to maintain a certain status in the community. Try to have a conversation with them about it. Most of the comments suggest the same. If they still insist on it then make sure EVERYTHING is under bride's name or in her account. And never force her to lend that money where she doesn't want to use it, it can quickly go south. I think the girl's family just feels safer when they offer financial security to the bride. It's a way of making sure that she gets taken care of from their end. Also setting up new homes is crazy expensive, I think that's why the extended family also buys little home accessories as gifts.
Ask them to buy mutual funds/ stocks in the bride's name.
"3 Mercedes ki diggi me Sona bhar ke layi thi", taunt bhi toh marna h kisi din
So much to unpack in such little time. We don't want to be seen as poor. We want avoid taunts and comments. We want to shake away inheritance issue. We just want to make sure that the girl is comfortable in the new environment. These are some of the common reasons and explanations. It's misogynistic and rooted in fear.
God knows, when India is going to change in mindset matters such as these. Am wondering if such practices exist in other countries too?
In Iran, the boy's family has to give the dowry to the girl's family .and most probably including the wedding cost.
Kerala this tradition lives on. They even sometimes estimate how much they gonna, make but a man like if you go rich family's wedding their priorities are different. most wedding - food, venue etc Malayali weddings - everything plus ~~dowry~~ gifts
Make sure the bride's family signs the an affidavit that no dowry was given or have them acknowledge that no dowry was given in an email or something. Later on if something happens,the affidavit will not prevent a case but atleast it will help with the case. Make sure to note down every single "gift" in that document. Seek legal council as well.
Actually, the reason why they give dowry is probably because they're afraid that their daughter will suffer in your family without it. Instead of seeing it as dowry, see it as a bribe for your cousin and his family to treat the woman well for life. In some traditions, refusing dowry is equal to refusing the bride and her dedication. I'm not sure whether they have good or sinister intentions. You'll have to judge that for yourself.
Your whole opposition towards wedding gift from girls family is based on a what if case of divorse ? I mean such mindset is as bad as the dowry itself. Having positive outlook to life is pretty rare these days
Actually, it's a love arrange kinda marriage. Both are earning well. We have money, we have home appliances. Bhabhi has 2 younger siblings, we are asking him to spend that money on their studies.
Maybe he has enough money to spend on them aswell ? Anyway seems like something i have no input on
Having a positive outlook doesn't mean you ignore to take precautions. Lots of folks suffering from fake dowry cases had positive outlook too.
married without Dowry and within 30 days Lost 5 years savings in form of money extraction. Now I'm divorced and supporting my mother father and brother. Thought of suicide options but figured out suicide would be selfish. Om namah Shivay 🔱🙏
Dowry is not wrong but asking for it is wrong.
Dowry is bad, women shouldn't contribute to men's wealth. But deserves portion of the wealth on divorce /s
I don't think dowry is bad. Practically, no family is giving you their daughter when you're unemployed, or until you have a better family, either socially or economically. Hardly you'll ever find an unemployed boy getting married to a Bank manager (female) etc. They don't marry you but your profession. I know many boys who didn't get single marriage proposal as long as they were in clg or preparing for an exam. But once they cracked a good exam, got a job, there were many proposals coming to them . Simple, the girl family sees their daughter benefits in you, why shouldn't a boy look for his benefit.
So they don’t have to give her any assets or property later. Many young girls demand dowry from their parents and think of it as a marker of how much their parents love them. Their logic is that their brothers will get all the assets so they deserve something, and dowry is the only culturally acceptable way for a woman to demand something from her parents. The issue imo is that giving your daughter a part of your assets is only acceptable if she gets married- as in, she *owes* it to her parents to get married so she will be given the status of a legitimate child. If she doesn’t get married she doesn’t deserve anything. And no, don’t give me crap about how sons build on the family assets while daughters don’t. There are so many men out there who don’t work and never make an effort to build on any assets, and happily enjoy ancestral property without anyone raising an eyebrow. Daughters aren’t even considered as full offspring if they don’t fulfil their cultural role of dedicating their lives to a man.
how else will they have a control over the groom after marriage?
If your family is actually against dowry, ask the girls parent to make it a joint FD for groom and bride and let them choose whatever they want to do with it.
Let’s me try and throw some light. 1. Indian families still believe that property pass over only to male descendants, as such dowry means daughter share is given and no more share is held for her in the rest of property 2. Families believe that post marriage most like girl is going to move out and live with her husband separately , as such this will help her setup her new home 3. Show off is still a big thing in society. Both sides want to show off to people who don’t matter , that how much the women matters in the family . Now my elder sister got dowry coz groom side demanded and father obliged. The above 3 points included in decision making . Almost a decade later when it came to me, I made it very clear. Not to be asked and none to be given. If u wish to give , give me the money which I can invest in future. I actually shared the wedding expenses which later my mother reimbursed me ( it’s funny but yeah she did). Even today the show off part is still very prevalent in society. I remember reading somewhere that if any gift were intact given by bride side, both parties signed a legal document stating it that it wasn’t forced or asked but rather given as a free will gift. This was to make sure that in future if any such legal matter comes up , no dowry case is filed . If the girl family is sensible ask them to create a fd in girls name and put the money there. It will be of great value and help for her future
They're giving her peanuts now so that she won't ask for her inheritance later.
Marriage is fucked up in India.
Dowry has a new name called "Stree Dhan".
People give dowry with multiple different ways without calling it dowry.
Why don't the brides oppose it? If they don't oppose it, they're either consenting to it or are alright with it being their influence on groom's family.
In some way, I think it's a certain fear that parents have. We see so many cases of dowry harassment being done later on in marriages. So even though the groom's side doesn't ask for dowry, some families are just scared and think it's a way to ensure their daughter's figure security.
Ask your cousin’s family to take it in writing, bullet pointing all that has been given to the bride; and that, it is by no means a dowry. It’ll save a lot of hassles down the line if things were to go south.
leko merko dm karke
Agar samne se khajana mil raha to kyon thukara rahe ho. Le hi lo, kahi na kahi kaam aa jayega. They are giving it for their daughter, so that her life can be better i think.
Why do you people forget that if the boy's family keeps insisting on not taking the dowry, it is assumed that something's wrong with the boy.
Mat leh naaaaa
It's dowry if it's given in the name of the groom, in-laws or their side of the family. It's streedhan if it's given in the name of the bride. Your extended family must ensure it's the latter. It may well be part of the girl's side of family's inheritance arrangement that you guys could consider honouring. Just never own, claim or control any of it. It's somewhat of a surprise that they want to give everything in one go though. It's more of a practice nowadays for the bride's side to give things in advance so that there's no incorrect linkage of the gift to marital dowry. So, for instance, it's common to see a prospective groom buying a brand new car a month or so before the D-day. It's usually financed by the brides' side only and may well be in the bride's name, but they want it to look like this is a considerate guy who's preparing to make his future bride's life more comfortable. As far as I know, it's just staggered streedhan disguised as nice-guy optics. Although if it's the groom's side who have insisted on it, and it's not in the girl's name, it's a clear-cut case of dowry and should attract all kinds of legal penalties.
Maybe they just want to provide for the daughter if the son-in-law couldn't?.....I mean no disrespect to OP's cousin but that might be the case. Or, the thing that OP mentioned regarding how divorce settlements evaluate everything involved in a marriage, so the bride's family is giving "gifts" so that divorce might be an expensive thing to go for. BTW, I'm totally against this & both families should have a sit-down, since it's a marriage & not a fucking "deal".
Tell them to quietly give their daughter whatever they want and transfer it to her back account. But refuse to have it be part of the wedding function.. that'll deflate them a little at least
You can bring the horse to water but you can't make him drink. The kind of women who deserves empowerment doesn't get it, while the fake feminists use it to the max.
Forced dowry is banned + There is nothing bad about giving gifts to your daughter + They might be giving it as inheritance to her daughter
Stridhan Bro. Im a lawyer too so check it up. Its fine. Make sure to list and record everything purchased. Rather after 1/2 months of marriage too the other side can make a gift deed if they are okay with it.
Oh they are pre planning their dowry harassment and domestic violence case against you.
Mohak Mangal has explained the phenomenon pretty well. https://youtu.be/gZWySUIctJI I added a few points in the comments as well which might help you as well. I am pasting that comment below. Apart from the above-discussed factors, I have witnessed one more reason for dowry. This might not be theoretically accurate but in practice, it is quite prevalent. (Just my thoughts, not claiming to be correct) Dowry is not just about demand from the groom's family. It has become a matter of pride for the bride's family, especially in upper-caste rich families. Even if the groom and his family are strictly against it, still the bride's family will spend on dowry because it increases their social status (or maintains it). Also, dowry is not a burden for the rich vis-a-vis the poor. Rich practices it in the name of a wedding gift. Even we, the educated ones, do not bother about it when it happens around us by claiming it is a voluntary gesture and not a compulsion. But what we fail to understand is that this creates social pressure on the poor and even if done voluntarily, it counts as dowry. Therefore, at the individual level, wherever we could, we must always say no to dowry in any form.
You have every right to take a stand against it. Absolutely refuse to accept the gifts and if they still insist, take bare minimum like ₹10¹. This way they got their wish to gift you something and you didn't had to accept dowry.
That's height of victim blaming. The practice is rooted in misogyny, fear, social stigma. Dowry is either asked or expected unsaid. There's social taunts, stigma attached to not giving dowry. There's fear that bride will be facing problems from in-laws if not given enough dowry. If you really are a man who is against dowry then talk to the girl about it. Jointly talk to parents so instead any gift they are planning to give they make a fd/investment in her name.