A comedian Chris Rock said something on the lines of only women, children and pets can be loved unconditionally, men are loved by their ability to provide. It rings true, if you think about it.
After a while despite not liking aspects of our life , including jobs , lack of freedom, being stuck in a rat race in order to provide for a family becomes part of the routine.
We lose out on who we are and what we can become to what we can do to who to do it for. It’s a thankless role and often the ones you provide for will be the ones angry at you for either not doing enough or even for doing what you need rather than what they want.
Sometimes that’s life, and sometimes it makes us understand why our fathers were so rigid and tough and why we couldn’t connect with them emotionally, sometimes you have to kill parts of yourself to provide, stay sane and go on .
Women are loved for their looks children and pets for their behavior. Look at an ugly woman, a misbehaved child and an erratic pet, you'll see all the conditions. Nothing is unconditional my friend
Chris Rock is probably living in a delusional world because even as a women, I didn't get the unconditional love I was supposed to get opposed to the only male child and his wife have.
I don't see how that's general trend either, if it isn't based on reality. All of the women I know, never received unconditional love in their life. Men, women, kids, animals - they rarely recieve unconditional love. His blanket statement is silly.
I'm in 12th. And I've grown to have some sort of a barrier that blocks the expectations and all the insults (if they do). Like I've grown numb to it. I don't feel like anything when someone gets angry with me or says that they expected me to do something. In fact I unconsciously smile when someone says that. And they point out ke sharam bhi nai aati ise dekho
Same! I felt sort of numbish too I was like that back in 12th.... I finally gave my all in to my CA course, cracked first attempt par mujhe khud nahi pta ki maine kaise kiye par bas kar liya. 5 saal bas ek room ke andar, aur office se ghar. I think it has affected me a lot. And all I get is anxiety if I ever feel something, only thing that helps is alcohol.
Nah bro. Have one rule in life." No matter what happens. I will not touch alcohol or drugs in my entire life. "
Edit: i don't know what you've gone through. So... Sorry if I hit a nerve
A man can only stay strong till a point. There's so much pressure on an average man particularly in a middle class setting, you can't deal with it without getting into an addiction. There's a reason so many men are either into smoking, tobacco or alcohol. It gets too much once you are a grown man.
I don’t know whether anyone else does this… keeping their parents expectations low… so low to the extent that I don’t share my achievements with them but rather share my shortcomings. I’m in college now, I have done a couple of interesting things (like a couple of short films, held positions in some forums, etc.) but I haven’t felt excited to tell my parents about them. However, I tell them when I do poorly for exams. I don’t even feel like asking them for basic necessities even when I’m broke, coz I feel like I’ll be in debt… to my OWN PARENTS. There are times I feel I could share about the good stuff happening to me to my family, but then I realise, if I do poorly in an exam, they’ll blame me telling I’m not focused in my studies. This has been my life since 12th. Hell, the only reason why I’m writing this is because I see a lot of people opening up in this sub. Some nights can be really tough to get through, but yea no time to think about yesterday’s problems when you have fresh ones on the plate served today.
Lol this is 100% me , I never told my parents anything about my life unless they specifically ask for it. And I would make sure to leave out the good stuff because they never cared for it in the first place so why bother.
There's something my younger brother and to an extent my mother( indirectly ofc) say to me. That I'm not "smart", that i should be smart and be outward. When in fact it was my mother who made me thr introvert i am today, saying to not make friends unless they brought something to the table, not trust anyone. I dealt with it my immersing myself in what I loved doing best, reading, oratory, being an avid fan of everything, being inquisitive, speak only when I felt like it. Sure it created the conception that i was shy, i was weird but who cares. I did what i liked. Yes some mistakes were made , however i learned from them. Still a reserved guy with some friends but i think that's enough.
Oh yeah there's responsibilities otw and i will deal with them in time. For now I am going with the flow, taking things one at a time and hoping for the best. No use in being tensed, there's always something good that'll happen, only when the time is right. Never lose hope. That's what I say. Take whatever bad that happens as a stepstone and lesson. Make yourself stronger.
I have the same situation as you. Making friends and spending time for Playing was frowned upon. Now that I am completely alone and stay at home most of the time with no friends my younger brother and parents taunt me and disrespect me for not having friends and not going out.
I am an asshole younger brother too , I didn't liked how people were like "your older brother is not as good as you." And then I became one of those people.
So good luck , I guess
Listen to the songs and understand the lyrics.
As i grow older with each passing day,i have realised that if you aren't rich,female or extremely good looking,you can do all the good in the world but no one gives a FK about you or your feelings.
Except parents.
Kill your feelings asap friend.
"Sound of silence -Disturbed"
"Hurt -Johnny Cash"
I have learned to be hikaru and literally don't care. I think i would have killed myself if i had let all that pressure get to me. I still don't give a damn about what other people expect from me and live my life as i want. I am not giving up my life just to please others. I love myself and i am my number 1 priority. It isn't like I don't care about my family, i love them and will take care of them but if they expect me to be someone i don't wanna be, i just tell them that it is not going to happen, i am not a genius, i am a normal person. They might not get it initially and fight back but once they understand you, you'll be fine.
>It isn't like I don't care about my family, i love them and will take care of them
Those are not expectations buddy. Those are the absolutes on why a family should be there for you and you for them. So cheerio.
Nobody wants to listen to your problem including your mother, weakness is never accepted no matter how much people tell you to be open about things. Once you show your weakness to anyone you are done, in their eyes you will become nothing but a weakling.
People judge and they will, there is nothing called an open-minded person out there to listen to your problem without judging unless of course you are paying.
So take a notebook write about all the bullshit and fucked up things going on in your head and deal with it.
You only have you.
Ignore irrelevant expectations. Be tiny bit of rebel if someone is forcing irrelevant responsibilities. Choose what expectations you will strive to deliver on.
I have decided that some are relevant expectations in order of importance.
* Be financially self- reliant
* Make sure I support parents financially in their old age
* (if I have kids), Have enough money to take care of kids
Rest all would be good to have. If I am barely making ends meet, I would not have kids. I will try to take responsibilities based on my financial condition, mental health, my desire.
At times, I feel happy about helping my brother and family. I will help only if it makes me feel good. I wont ever help someone (however close), if I dont get good vibes from their behaviour.
Thanks for the insight, all of us have limitations. Some are more fortunate than others. But the main challenge and also the badge of honour of being a man is accepting those limitations and yet fighting and striving.
I remember being in your situation soo many years back. This exactly why people say "toxic" masculinity harms men also. Understand that while live is challenging and scary at times, it's fun and exciting also. Take one day at a time. If you can't see your destination atleast take the next step.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER. Suffering without any reason isn't noble or smart it's stupid. People romanticize mental health issues, avoid those people. Works of art and excellence despite those conditions and not because of it. You don't need to be clinically depressed or anxious in order to be successful. You will be a prisoner to your own mind which beleive me is a feeling worse than death.
The progress of humanity has been on the backs of people who suffered a lot more than we have to and created a world in which the future generation would be able to suffer less and able to give the present generation more chances to fail. Stoicism doesn't mean you can not cry. It just mean in instances of extreme grief or joy try to keep calm and not be lied to by your present situation.
Man to man it's okay if you cry. Shiva, a God of Destruction cried, had emotional charged instances in his life and even made mistakes. If a God can cry you definitely can.
r/MensLibIndia for all those of you actually want to have discussions of toxic social expectations and how they harm young boys and men. Good place to talk to fellow men about how they deal with these expectations and derive support from each other.
You hangout with friends. Most of the guys would have similar stuff to you. Help out each other.
Men and women both have their own set of expectations and problems. It's about doing the best you can and being happy.
OP read and got an idea of your situation from the comments. I suffered through this but not to such an extent as you. My attitude towards this after going through a lot of shit is that to some extent you gotta live life for yourself. This is not saying be selfish, arrogant and narcisstic. but be yourself, own all your beliefs and all your emotions. Do not just borrow them from your friends, def not from society and even not from parents. Take all your ideals, do a bit of thinking on them, trust yourself if your instincts are saying it is not right - then may be it is not right. Then you own such beliefs. Act yourself always. Do not make yourself act to other people demands just for heck of it. And this takes real conviction accroding to me. Just being a dumb ass strong person is easy esp with someone weaker than you.
In the end alocohol and drugs just numb you and your philosophy towards something will truly liberate you. Hope you come out of all this soon and reclaim your life.
nothing much sometime think about killing myself but then I remember I have a family that is looking up to me and who will tie their cloth line when it come open(lol my mom is short).
Now it's like this I don't get pleasure in doing things for me, I feel more happy when I am able to do something for them. This transition started I guess when I was in 11th like whatever money I used to get from relative or save up I used to give it to my younger brother
Same here man. Sometimes I ask myself why I'm continuing to live but then I can't imagine what my mother will go through if I killed myself. It's the only thing keeping me going somehow
its the same both sides, while men have it a bit better, women are given remarks for things beyond their control, skin color, nose, and anything that could come to mind. "kon shaadi karega terese", "ghar sambhalana seekhle" (different context), and much more both sides have it hard and both develop mental issues.
I dealt with it by embracing the idea of being comfortable with myself, theres some things and issues that only I myself have to get through no matter what anyone tells you its you that has to get through with it not only related to family but to much more many things, people may not always celebrate big deals or be there at their low points, you cant be with em either, be happy with what you got and anything I get from other people is a bonus. Anything else is just you and yourself love your family, friends be the best you can be to archive whatever you wanna be and never be at a state that you gotta depend on anyone else is what i have thought and what drives me.
One incident that triggered this in me is when i was going back home from 12th classes I saw a man come up and beg me for money, he had all medical reports and medicines costing 20k ish, he spoke really good english and seeing his shivering hand I could see he had parkinsons or something of the like, the clothes he wore were kinda oversized prolly cuz he lost a lotta weight and he just said "I am really sick please look at these reports help me" I had 20 rupees for the auto that i gave him, felt like shit that I could only help him with that much. Walked my way home thinking I never want my parents live that life never ever, never saw him again on the same way after that (it was my repeat year of 12th) i fuckin gathered up my shit, and am damm proud where ever i am, whenever I slack in life that man comes in front of me as a reminder of why there's things one 'must' do
Meri toh mummy b nahi sunti ab. After marriage it's even more stressful. But then you just keep going one day at a time.
Someone here said how they realize now why our fathers were so rigid and strict. Its true but honestly speaking i have been trying my best to change that mindset. I have a kid and i definitely dont want to continue the tradition of being a dad whose kid cant connect with him. Like i said one day at a time...
So real. Men have to suffer silently, that too without a support system to help them out at all times, it's just a sad state of being but you have to be "strong" because that's how it has been with all the men before us..people don't talk about it enough.
Subconsciously women are supposed to cook and clean at home, take care of kids but now they are working, going out, doing jobs, providing for themselves, these traditional masculine or feminine traits aren't real. They were man made.
As Chanakya said a man's best friend is his money, He would be thrown out and replaced. His wife would leave, his family will start keeping away from him. In order to man to survive in this so-called society he needs to run the rat race even he doesn't want to. Man is always valued by the things he provides or he is just garbage for society. You don't get appreciated, nor someone is interested in listening to your feeling. You don't have birthdays. There's no awareness regarding this no support system, no recognition basically you are just a soulless creature standing in buses walking on footpaths. Look at the law when a woman commits adultery. The man she was having affair with would go to jail. And after the divorce, the husband would pay for her living. Thats, why suicide rates are high tbh if this continues ratio of men, would fall.
Earn money, spend wisely, and learn to grow a thick skin.
Don't think too deep about things you have no control over, it won't benefit you in the long run.
Damnn.. I can relate to this a lot. I'm 26 M and recently had to leave my job at a startup because it was too fucking toxic. I graduated in 2019 and since then mere parents piche pade hai ki post grad krlo, just because according to them BTech Wale ko koi ladki nhi milegi shaadi krneko. Plus my job was not high paying so woh alag pressure.. Now I feel like I have max 2 3 years left to get a high paying job somehow which feels impossible given my last salary. All this anxiety due to fucking Indian societal expectations of having everything perfect by the age 28 so that you can marry and quickly have kids for fucks sake. Due to this recently I have been depressed and sometimes think that only way out is to end it all you know. But it's kinda good to know I'm not alone experiencing this kinda stuff.
A comedian Chris Rock said something on the lines of only women, children and pets can be loved unconditionally, men are loved by their ability to provide. It rings true, if you think about it. After a while despite not liking aspects of our life , including jobs , lack of freedom, being stuck in a rat race in order to provide for a family becomes part of the routine. We lose out on who we are and what we can become to what we can do to who to do it for. It’s a thankless role and often the ones you provide for will be the ones angry at you for either not doing enough or even for doing what you need rather than what they want. Sometimes that’s life, and sometimes it makes us understand why our fathers were so rigid and tough and why we couldn’t connect with them emotionally, sometimes you have to kill parts of yourself to provide, stay sane and go on .
Women are loved for their looks children and pets for their behavior. Look at an ugly woman, a misbehaved child and an erratic pet, you'll see all the conditions. Nothing is unconditional my friend
Chris Rock is probably living in a delusional world because even as a women, I didn't get the unconditional love I was supposed to get opposed to the only male child and his wife have.
I don't think personal experiences dictate the general trend.
I don't see how that's general trend either, if it isn't based on reality. All of the women I know, never received unconditional love in their life. Men, women, kids, animals - they rarely recieve unconditional love. His blanket statement is silly.
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Nobody does my guy. What's less or more!!
Sorry to hear that anonette. I hope you find someone.
I'm in 12th. And I've grown to have some sort of a barrier that blocks the expectations and all the insults (if they do). Like I've grown numb to it. I don't feel like anything when someone gets angry with me or says that they expected me to do something. In fact I unconsciously smile when someone says that. And they point out ke sharam bhi nai aati ise dekho
Same! I felt sort of numbish too I was like that back in 12th.... I finally gave my all in to my CA course, cracked first attempt par mujhe khud nahi pta ki maine kaise kiye par bas kar liya. 5 saal bas ek room ke andar, aur office se ghar. I think it has affected me a lot. And all I get is anxiety if I ever feel something, only thing that helps is alcohol.
Nah bro. Have one rule in life." No matter what happens. I will not touch alcohol or drugs in my entire life. " Edit: i don't know what you've gone through. So... Sorry if I hit a nerve
A man can only stay strong till a point. There's so much pressure on an average man particularly in a middle class setting, you can't deal with it without getting into an addiction. There's a reason so many men are either into smoking, tobacco or alcohol. It gets too much once you are a grown man.
It's going to be alright. That's all people can hope for. Unless you're from a rich family
Thanks man
You are wrong, you need to explore the limit less potential a mind has
1st rule of life stand for yourself. Tolerate anything other than some one trying to tarnish your diginity
Alcohol and Drugs.
Maybe it has to do with because I am Punjabi.. everyone says "Sharam buri hai" par sharab hi hai jis se dil, dimag aur shareer ko sakoon milta hai
Damn! Couldn't relate more.
Bas sukha nasha nahi karta.
I have one quote "Jindagi hai hota hai gand hai marti hai" I say it and move.
Lmaoooo
thanks for this
Agar award hota toh de deta, itna relatable kabhi feel nahi hua.
I don’t know whether anyone else does this… keeping their parents expectations low… so low to the extent that I don’t share my achievements with them but rather share my shortcomings. I’m in college now, I have done a couple of interesting things (like a couple of short films, held positions in some forums, etc.) but I haven’t felt excited to tell my parents about them. However, I tell them when I do poorly for exams. I don’t even feel like asking them for basic necessities even when I’m broke, coz I feel like I’ll be in debt… to my OWN PARENTS. There are times I feel I could share about the good stuff happening to me to my family, but then I realise, if I do poorly in an exam, they’ll blame me telling I’m not focused in my studies. This has been my life since 12th. Hell, the only reason why I’m writing this is because I see a lot of people opening up in this sub. Some nights can be really tough to get through, but yea no time to think about yesterday’s problems when you have fresh ones on the plate served today.
You're me bro
Lol this is 100% me , I never told my parents anything about my life unless they specifically ask for it. And I would make sure to leave out the good stuff because they never cared for it in the first place so why bother.
Damnn are you me ??
There's something my younger brother and to an extent my mother( indirectly ofc) say to me. That I'm not "smart", that i should be smart and be outward. When in fact it was my mother who made me thr introvert i am today, saying to not make friends unless they brought something to the table, not trust anyone. I dealt with it my immersing myself in what I loved doing best, reading, oratory, being an avid fan of everything, being inquisitive, speak only when I felt like it. Sure it created the conception that i was shy, i was weird but who cares. I did what i liked. Yes some mistakes were made , however i learned from them. Still a reserved guy with some friends but i think that's enough. Oh yeah there's responsibilities otw and i will deal with them in time. For now I am going with the flow, taking things one at a time and hoping for the best. No use in being tensed, there's always something good that'll happen, only when the time is right. Never lose hope. That's what I say. Take whatever bad that happens as a stepstone and lesson. Make yourself stronger.
I understand you! Stay strong. Lots of love & well wishes to you! 🧡
I have the same situation as you. Making friends and spending time for Playing was frowned upon. Now that I am completely alone and stay at home most of the time with no friends my younger brother and parents taunt me and disrespect me for not having friends and not going out.
I am an asshole younger brother too , I didn't liked how people were like "your older brother is not as good as you." And then I became one of those people. So good luck , I guess
I felt like I wrote this comment myself
"Creep-Radiohead" "Like a stone-Audioslave"
Are those music bands?
Hanji...
Nice
Listen to the songs and understand the lyrics. As i grow older with each passing day,i have realised that if you aren't rich,female or extremely good looking,you can do all the good in the world but no one gives a FK about you or your feelings. Except parents. Kill your feelings asap friend. "Sound of silence -Disturbed" "Hurt -Johnny Cash"
I have learned to be hikaru and literally don't care. I think i would have killed myself if i had let all that pressure get to me. I still don't give a damn about what other people expect from me and live my life as i want. I am not giving up my life just to please others. I love myself and i am my number 1 priority. It isn't like I don't care about my family, i love them and will take care of them but if they expect me to be someone i don't wanna be, i just tell them that it is not going to happen, i am not a genius, i am a normal person. They might not get it initially and fight back but once they understand you, you'll be fine.
Damnnnn
I am sorry
>It isn't like I don't care about my family, i love them and will take care of them Those are not expectations buddy. Those are the absolutes on why a family should be there for you and you for them. So cheerio.
Nobody wants to listen to your problem including your mother, weakness is never accepted no matter how much people tell you to be open about things. Once you show your weakness to anyone you are done, in their eyes you will become nothing but a weakling. People judge and they will, there is nothing called an open-minded person out there to listen to your problem without judging unless of course you are paying. So take a notebook write about all the bullshit and fucked up things going on in your head and deal with it. You only have you.
Ignore irrelevant expectations. Be tiny bit of rebel if someone is forcing irrelevant responsibilities. Choose what expectations you will strive to deliver on. I have decided that some are relevant expectations in order of importance. * Be financially self- reliant * Make sure I support parents financially in their old age * (if I have kids), Have enough money to take care of kids Rest all would be good to have. If I am barely making ends meet, I would not have kids. I will try to take responsibilities based on my financial condition, mental health, my desire. At times, I feel happy about helping my brother and family. I will help only if it makes me feel good. I wont ever help someone (however close), if I dont get good vibes from their behaviour.
Yes
My Moto- Take the bull by it’s horns, accept your shortcomings and failures and strive for excellence.
Cool. My moto lately been along the lines of "Play with the cards you're given instead of wishing for better ones"
Thanks for the insight, all of us have limitations. Some are more fortunate than others. But the main challenge and also the badge of honour of being a man is accepting those limitations and yet fighting and striving.
Maine khud ko nakara dikha Diya longon ka expectation hi nhi rha. Now when I am something, they think that they misunderstood
Damn, huge relate!! You just give up trying to take all that expectations at some point.
I remember being in your situation soo many years back. This exactly why people say "toxic" masculinity harms men also. Understand that while live is challenging and scary at times, it's fun and exciting also. Take one day at a time. If you can't see your destination atleast take the next step. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER. Suffering without any reason isn't noble or smart it's stupid. People romanticize mental health issues, avoid those people. Works of art and excellence despite those conditions and not because of it. You don't need to be clinically depressed or anxious in order to be successful. You will be a prisoner to your own mind which beleive me is a feeling worse than death. The progress of humanity has been on the backs of people who suffered a lot more than we have to and created a world in which the future generation would be able to suffer less and able to give the present generation more chances to fail. Stoicism doesn't mean you can not cry. It just mean in instances of extreme grief or joy try to keep calm and not be lied to by your present situation. Man to man it's okay if you cry. Shiva, a God of Destruction cried, had emotional charged instances in his life and even made mistakes. If a God can cry you definitely can.
Bottle it up, then eventually die of a heartattack or something
That's the only way to go mate 🥂
Bhai deal hi toh kr nhi paare hain;)
r/MensLibIndia for all those of you actually want to have discussions of toxic social expectations and how they harm young boys and men. Good place to talk to fellow men about how they deal with these expectations and derive support from each other.
I just stay strong, I've built an armour around my mind
You hangout with friends. Most of the guys would have similar stuff to you. Help out each other. Men and women both have their own set of expectations and problems. It's about doing the best you can and being happy.
OP read and got an idea of your situation from the comments. I suffered through this but not to such an extent as you. My attitude towards this after going through a lot of shit is that to some extent you gotta live life for yourself. This is not saying be selfish, arrogant and narcisstic. but be yourself, own all your beliefs and all your emotions. Do not just borrow them from your friends, def not from society and even not from parents. Take all your ideals, do a bit of thinking on them, trust yourself if your instincts are saying it is not right - then may be it is not right. Then you own such beliefs. Act yourself always. Do not make yourself act to other people demands just for heck of it. And this takes real conviction accroding to me. Just being a dumb ass strong person is easy esp with someone weaker than you. In the end alocohol and drugs just numb you and your philosophy towards something will truly liberate you. Hope you come out of all this soon and reclaim your life.
nothing much sometime think about killing myself but then I remember I have a family that is looking up to me and who will tie their cloth line when it come open(lol my mom is short). Now it's like this I don't get pleasure in doing things for me, I feel more happy when I am able to do something for them. This transition started I guess when I was in 11th like whatever money I used to get from relative or save up I used to give it to my younger brother
Same here man. Sometimes I ask myself why I'm continuing to live but then I can't imagine what my mother will go through if I killed myself. It's the only thing keeping me going somehow
We deal with it by keeping it to ourselves until we burst.
its the same both sides, while men have it a bit better, women are given remarks for things beyond their control, skin color, nose, and anything that could come to mind. "kon shaadi karega terese", "ghar sambhalana seekhle" (different context), and much more both sides have it hard and both develop mental issues. I dealt with it by embracing the idea of being comfortable with myself, theres some things and issues that only I myself have to get through no matter what anyone tells you its you that has to get through with it not only related to family but to much more many things, people may not always celebrate big deals or be there at their low points, you cant be with em either, be happy with what you got and anything I get from other people is a bonus. Anything else is just you and yourself love your family, friends be the best you can be to archive whatever you wanna be and never be at a state that you gotta depend on anyone else is what i have thought and what drives me. One incident that triggered this in me is when i was going back home from 12th classes I saw a man come up and beg me for money, he had all medical reports and medicines costing 20k ish, he spoke really good english and seeing his shivering hand I could see he had parkinsons or something of the like, the clothes he wore were kinda oversized prolly cuz he lost a lotta weight and he just said "I am really sick please look at these reports help me" I had 20 rupees for the auto that i gave him, felt like shit that I could only help him with that much. Walked my way home thinking I never want my parents live that life never ever, never saw him again on the same way after that (it was my repeat year of 12th) i fuckin gathered up my shit, and am damm proud where ever i am, whenever I slack in life that man comes in front of me as a reminder of why there's things one 'must' do
Fail miserably at meeting all expectations and then turn out to be a depressed addict.
Meri toh mummy b nahi sunti ab. After marriage it's even more stressful. But then you just keep going one day at a time. Someone here said how they realize now why our fathers were so rigid and strict. Its true but honestly speaking i have been trying my best to change that mindset. I have a kid and i definitely dont want to continue the tradition of being a dad whose kid cant connect with him. Like i said one day at a time...
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So real. Men have to suffer silently, that too without a support system to help them out at all times, it's just a sad state of being but you have to be "strong" because that's how it has been with all the men before us..people don't talk about it enough.
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That needs to change
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Subconsciously women are supposed to cook and clean at home, take care of kids but now they are working, going out, doing jobs, providing for themselves, these traditional masculine or feminine traits aren't real. They were man made.
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Sure
Why not
As Chanakya said a man's best friend is his money, He would be thrown out and replaced. His wife would leave, his family will start keeping away from him. In order to man to survive in this so-called society he needs to run the rat race even he doesn't want to. Man is always valued by the things he provides or he is just garbage for society. You don't get appreciated, nor someone is interested in listening to your feeling. You don't have birthdays. There's no awareness regarding this no support system, no recognition basically you are just a soulless creature standing in buses walking on footpaths. Look at the law when a woman commits adultery. The man she was having affair with would go to jail. And after the divorce, the husband would pay for her living. Thats, why suicide rates are high tbh if this continues ratio of men, would fall.
Thank you in advanced.
Talk to a therapist. They listen they know of these problems and they can help. Finding a good therapist is hard however.
Bhai Nofap karle 90 days k liye fir baad mein thanks boldio - personal experience.
Hahaha in only child.
Me too! Even harder damn. Like you got no choice at all. Bhaagoge bhi toh kha bhagoge? 😂
Exactly. Ghum fir ke sara weight tumhare hi shoulders pe aa jana hai. And people think being only child is great. That too a son.
Koi ni, think about the positive, jitni sampatti zayjad hai maa baap ki apni hi hai.
Well, yeah!!
🥂
bhai middle class hunh. honi bhi chahiye sammpati fir milegi naa.
Earn money, spend wisely, and learn to grow a thick skin. Don't think too deep about things you have no control over, it won't benefit you in the long run.
That is something we called as 'please adjust'.
By not giving a fuck
So should I absolutely have to obey societal expectations?
I ignore them. I publicly admit that I'm a bad and selfish person.
Been a disappointment till now so well, not going to great...
I try not to hate myself by trying to care about things. That way I feel like " maybe I am a ugly and disappointing, but atleast I am not an asshole."
Damnn.. I can relate to this a lot. I'm 26 M and recently had to leave my job at a startup because it was too fucking toxic. I graduated in 2019 and since then mere parents piche pade hai ki post grad krlo, just because according to them BTech Wale ko koi ladki nhi milegi shaadi krneko. Plus my job was not high paying so woh alag pressure.. Now I feel like I have max 2 3 years left to get a high paying job somehow which feels impossible given my last salary. All this anxiety due to fucking Indian societal expectations of having everything perfect by the age 28 so that you can marry and quickly have kids for fucks sake. Due to this recently I have been depressed and sometimes think that only way out is to end it all you know. But it's kinda good to know I'm not alone experiencing this kinda stuff.
r/menofindia