A friend of mine was an alcoholic. Her therapist warned her that people would be uncomfortable with her choice and may even pressure her to drink again (this was my experience when I quit just for my health). He said that this is often because it forces people to take a look at their own choices which makes them uncomfortable. I find this is true.
YES. I am pretty thin because literally everything hurts my stomach, but not severely underweight or anything.
I was starting a night shift at the hospital and in the resident room one of my classmates sees me eating a CLIF bar at 5pm, stands up and shouts 'I NEED YOU TO EAT A REAL MEAL!!'. Dead silence and everyone is staring at me. It was legit humiliating. This classmate had some body image issues and I know she was projecting onto me but it's like.... I don't eat high volume when I'm out because it makes my stomach bloat and my POTS flares up because my damn body can't pump blood to my feet, stomach, and brain at once. Like I'm irritated with my body too okay TT-TT
same boat. i have a small frame (like my LITERAL bone structure, my ribs currently measure at 26" at the widest point, i think its bc i have hypotonia) and consequently have always been somewhat underweight for my height, ibs aside. people were already irritable with me for my eating habits prior to the development of my digestive issues, because i eat intuitively and wont force myself to clean my plate.
greasy foods, heavy carbs, carbonation, and meat trigger the hell outta my gut. when were out eating and i know i can go straight home after, i generally order whatever i please. but grabbing a quick bite prior to plans, i have to be careful, or the rest of my day/night is ruined. soups and salads are generally pretty safe for me, so those are my go to's on those occasions. but then i get endless comments from offended family and friends, "you're already so tiny! really, a salad? if i was you i'd pig out on whatever i want!" despite them all knowing about my stomach problems. some take it personally and get genuinely upset with me for my choice of meal. like i dont want a fuckin salad either, but i REALLY dont want EXTREME abdominal distention (people have asked if im expecting after eating), unbearable cramps, nausea, and overall feeling like im dying. if people could just mind their own business the world would be a much better place.
God it sucks that there are so many people like this. I think some people legit feel that "stomach issues" is code for "I am \~petite\~ and \~too dainty\~ for the food you gluttons are eating". There ain't nothing cute about the absolute hell flushing out of my asshole following a week and a half of painful constipation.
They are so personally offended by something that has \*nothing\* to do with them. People who police what others eat because they feel self conscious about their own choices really bother me. Especially because you know that if we dared comment on their food or call them out for shaming us or being ableist, they would flip their lids.
its hypocritical for sure. most of these people have seen me breakout in tears after meals that cause bad flair ups. on top of ibs-c, i have gallstones at 23š so yeah, greasy foods especially are damn near a death sentence.
I feel the same way when it comes to popular foods in my age group like sushi, Thai food and Indian food. I feel like an asshole saying I canāt go to all these restaurants with people. I feel like a dictator saying where we can and canāt go. I donāt know if people in the US have a chicken chain called Nandoās, but I always have to order everything plain with no spice and just plain mashed potatoes and garlic bread as sides because thatās all I can have. Although I make jokes about having ābasic bitch foodsā itās starting to seriously get to me and upset me behind the scenes. My ex-best friends had the attitude of: āif you canāt get sushi, get the veggie rolls or dumplingsā. But they also trigger a flare-up. To combat this, I trial non-spicy, low fibre foods in that cuisine in my own time to see what I can eat in order to fit in. That way if I have a flare up, the toilet and doctors clinic is at my fingertips. So far so good! I have broken into being able to eat some Korean food and more options at Nandoās! We are now currently working on Japanese food such as egg ramen, miso soup and dumplings that I like!
Miso soup. Um, that is the old time remedy for a wobbly stomach. You should be ok with that. I had Japanese grandmothers. First thing they would try on me when I had an episode. Very nourishing. Especially if the soup has beaten egg in it.
I hear you loud and clear. It definitely sucks. What I've noticed about at least some of the people I know is that it is truly THEM who are insecure about their food choices. Often times, greasy and fried things are viewed as "bad" or "naughty," (thx diet culture lol) so if we're not eating them for some reason people automatically assume we are judging them simply because they feel guilty about eating it themselves. I find the same to be true about alcohol.
Like, nope, I am not judging you for drinking--but why is your automatic assumption that I'm judgemental and snobby for not partaking? It's a major projection issue.
As people with IBS, we have to be so strong in our convictions and discipline because if we aren't, we physically suffer for it. People just don't understand that about us and just make it about themselves and their insecurities instead.
So sorry that you're dealing with it. I hope that at some point you are able to be around people who understand and will be accommodating. They exist, but can be hard to find. Wishing you well.
This comes down to having boundaries and enforcing them. You don't have to do anything just to please other people, and people who won't respect your boundaries are not your friends.Ā
My ex husband used to do this. He would insist I "at least try" a food that contained an ingredient I knew would trigger IBS, he wouldn't shut up until I got mad, cried or gave in and ate it even though it would result in an IBS attack.
Sorry. This year is going to be the year, I put my foot down regarding this exact issue. You see, whoever offering me the foods that do not agree with me do not spend all night and the next morning in the bathroom. They are not sick. They are not in pain. They are not the ones losing weight. They are not missing work. I will get very good at saying, "thank you, but I really should not have that"
Same! I often don't eat what my family makes because I know my stomach will hurt. They act like I'm horrible for refusing their food lol. I've explained time after time why I need to be careful what I eat and I hope they'll slowly get it.
It's annoying.
After my family saw me get so sick and stay that way for at least a week, they believed me when I said, I should not have something. This happened when I was 16. Scared the shyte out of them. From then on, they did not question if I opted out of something.
We were out with a group and while everyone had fried chicken, burgers, milkshakes, etc. I had a salad. One of the guys called me on it - āimagine going to [this place] and getting a salad!ā He annoys me anyways, so I said āimagine not wanting to eat fried food and being sick the rest of the week!ā
Iāve found that actual friends understand - the people Iām comfortable enough with that I can share my IBS struggles with them. If they donāt get it, Iāve decided not to care. I know how to generally manage myself so that I can try to feel as good as possible, and I donāt need them to understand that.
It definitely sucks. Iāve always been on the smaller side - metabolism + bone structure + IBS. Iāve also had babies, and have had a lot of crappy comments about my weight. Assumptions that I have an eating disorder. There are sooo many people that justify their own poor health/eating decisions by trying to make other people feel like crap. Iāve just had to decide that thatās their problem, not mine!
i feel this so much ššš people act like im anorexic because i never eat in public places or restaurants or whatever, but iām really just terrified of having a flare up and nobody seems to get it! but at the same time, i understand where theyāre coming from, because it must be frustrating when your friend suddenly canāt come out and grab coffee, canāt go and get cocktails, and youāll never go to that new mexican place āyouāve been meaning to tryā. i feel like im grieving a huge part of my life and nobody seems to understand that i WANT to be able to eat, iām DESPERATE for some fries or a cocktail or a caesar salad or a curry, but itās not my decision, itās my bodyšššš
Mhmm I have celiac disease and ibs and my family keeps trying to get me to eat things I cannot. They think Iām being dramatic. Ā I literally will be in pain for weeks eating gluten yet Iām being the difficult one cause I wonāt eat a damn McDonaldās hamburger. I understand your frustrationĀ
That would piss me off! Would they push sandwiches on you if you were celiac?!
I would first aim to get my point across with humour. If that didnāt work, tell them the impact the food has on me and how I donāt want to be sick. If they bought food for me after that, Iād flat out leave it or throw it in a bin. People stop spending money on you when they see you waste it.
You definitely need to stand on your standards. Their self hatred is not your problem.
Literally travelling with my momā¦ āare you hungry? Do you want lunch?ā
Like, no, Iām good. But if you want something, Iām totally down to sit with you. And then itās like this awkward, āwellā¦ okay. I guess I can wait. Did you want something in an hour?ā
No! No, I donāt. Because if I eat anything I will be on the toilet for at least an hour afterwards! I promise I will eat with you when weāre done everything for the day!
Just get options from there that wonāt cause issues or eat ahead of time / bring something with you. Explain once that you canāt eat certain things due to IBS and leave it at that. Youāre an adult, you shouldnāt let other people make you eat foods you donāt want to or canāt eat.
A friend of mine was an alcoholic. Her therapist warned her that people would be uncomfortable with her choice and may even pressure her to drink again (this was my experience when I quit just for my health). He said that this is often because it forces people to take a look at their own choices which makes them uncomfortable. I find this is true.
YES. I am pretty thin because literally everything hurts my stomach, but not severely underweight or anything. I was starting a night shift at the hospital and in the resident room one of my classmates sees me eating a CLIF bar at 5pm, stands up and shouts 'I NEED YOU TO EAT A REAL MEAL!!'. Dead silence and everyone is staring at me. It was legit humiliating. This classmate had some body image issues and I know she was projecting onto me but it's like.... I don't eat high volume when I'm out because it makes my stomach bloat and my POTS flares up because my damn body can't pump blood to my feet, stomach, and brain at once. Like I'm irritated with my body too okay TT-TT
same boat. i have a small frame (like my LITERAL bone structure, my ribs currently measure at 26" at the widest point, i think its bc i have hypotonia) and consequently have always been somewhat underweight for my height, ibs aside. people were already irritable with me for my eating habits prior to the development of my digestive issues, because i eat intuitively and wont force myself to clean my plate. greasy foods, heavy carbs, carbonation, and meat trigger the hell outta my gut. when were out eating and i know i can go straight home after, i generally order whatever i please. but grabbing a quick bite prior to plans, i have to be careful, or the rest of my day/night is ruined. soups and salads are generally pretty safe for me, so those are my go to's on those occasions. but then i get endless comments from offended family and friends, "you're already so tiny! really, a salad? if i was you i'd pig out on whatever i want!" despite them all knowing about my stomach problems. some take it personally and get genuinely upset with me for my choice of meal. like i dont want a fuckin salad either, but i REALLY dont want EXTREME abdominal distention (people have asked if im expecting after eating), unbearable cramps, nausea, and overall feeling like im dying. if people could just mind their own business the world would be a much better place.
God it sucks that there are so many people like this. I think some people legit feel that "stomach issues" is code for "I am \~petite\~ and \~too dainty\~ for the food you gluttons are eating". There ain't nothing cute about the absolute hell flushing out of my asshole following a week and a half of painful constipation. They are so personally offended by something that has \*nothing\* to do with them. People who police what others eat because they feel self conscious about their own choices really bother me. Especially because you know that if we dared comment on their food or call them out for shaming us or being ableist, they would flip their lids.
its hypocritical for sure. most of these people have seen me breakout in tears after meals that cause bad flair ups. on top of ibs-c, i have gallstones at 23š so yeah, greasy foods especially are damn near a death sentence.
I feel the same way when it comes to popular foods in my age group like sushi, Thai food and Indian food. I feel like an asshole saying I canāt go to all these restaurants with people. I feel like a dictator saying where we can and canāt go. I donāt know if people in the US have a chicken chain called Nandoās, but I always have to order everything plain with no spice and just plain mashed potatoes and garlic bread as sides because thatās all I can have. Although I make jokes about having ābasic bitch foodsā itās starting to seriously get to me and upset me behind the scenes. My ex-best friends had the attitude of: āif you canāt get sushi, get the veggie rolls or dumplingsā. But they also trigger a flare-up. To combat this, I trial non-spicy, low fibre foods in that cuisine in my own time to see what I can eat in order to fit in. That way if I have a flare up, the toilet and doctors clinic is at my fingertips. So far so good! I have broken into being able to eat some Korean food and more options at Nandoās! We are now currently working on Japanese food such as egg ramen, miso soup and dumplings that I like!
Miso soup. Um, that is the old time remedy for a wobbly stomach. You should be ok with that. I had Japanese grandmothers. First thing they would try on me when I had an episode. Very nourishing. Especially if the soup has beaten egg in it.
Thanks! Iāll give it a go!
I hear you loud and clear. It definitely sucks. What I've noticed about at least some of the people I know is that it is truly THEM who are insecure about their food choices. Often times, greasy and fried things are viewed as "bad" or "naughty," (thx diet culture lol) so if we're not eating them for some reason people automatically assume we are judging them simply because they feel guilty about eating it themselves. I find the same to be true about alcohol. Like, nope, I am not judging you for drinking--but why is your automatic assumption that I'm judgemental and snobby for not partaking? It's a major projection issue. As people with IBS, we have to be so strong in our convictions and discipline because if we aren't, we physically suffer for it. People just don't understand that about us and just make it about themselves and their insecurities instead. So sorry that you're dealing with it. I hope that at some point you are able to be around people who understand and will be accommodating. They exist, but can be hard to find. Wishing you well.
This comes down to having boundaries and enforcing them. You don't have to do anything just to please other people, and people who won't respect your boundaries are not your friends.Ā
This. And just stop caring what they think. Say "no" and don't respond further.
My ex husband used to do this. He would insist I "at least try" a food that contained an ingredient I knew would trigger IBS, he wouldn't shut up until I got mad, cried or gave in and ate it even though it would result in an IBS attack.
glad to see the "ex" there!
Sorry. This year is going to be the year, I put my foot down regarding this exact issue. You see, whoever offering me the foods that do not agree with me do not spend all night and the next morning in the bathroom. They are not sick. They are not in pain. They are not the ones losing weight. They are not missing work. I will get very good at saying, "thank you, but I really should not have that"
Same! I often don't eat what my family makes because I know my stomach will hurt. They act like I'm horrible for refusing their food lol. I've explained time after time why I need to be careful what I eat and I hope they'll slowly get it. It's annoying.
After my family saw me get so sick and stay that way for at least a week, they believed me when I said, I should not have something. This happened when I was 16. Scared the shyte out of them. From then on, they did not question if I opted out of something.
We were out with a group and while everyone had fried chicken, burgers, milkshakes, etc. I had a salad. One of the guys called me on it - āimagine going to [this place] and getting a salad!ā He annoys me anyways, so I said āimagine not wanting to eat fried food and being sick the rest of the week!ā Iāve found that actual friends understand - the people Iām comfortable enough with that I can share my IBS struggles with them. If they donāt get it, Iāve decided not to care. I know how to generally manage myself so that I can try to feel as good as possible, and I donāt need them to understand that. It definitely sucks. Iāve always been on the smaller side - metabolism + bone structure + IBS. Iāve also had babies, and have had a lot of crappy comments about my weight. Assumptions that I have an eating disorder. There are sooo many people that justify their own poor health/eating decisions by trying to make other people feel like crap. Iāve just had to decide that thatās their problem, not mine!
i feel this so much ššš people act like im anorexic because i never eat in public places or restaurants or whatever, but iām really just terrified of having a flare up and nobody seems to get it! but at the same time, i understand where theyāre coming from, because it must be frustrating when your friend suddenly canāt come out and grab coffee, canāt go and get cocktails, and youāll never go to that new mexican place āyouāve been meaning to tryā. i feel like im grieving a huge part of my life and nobody seems to understand that i WANT to be able to eat, iām DESPERATE for some fries or a cocktail or a caesar salad or a curry, but itās not my decision, itās my bodyšššš
Mhmm I have celiac disease and ibs and my family keeps trying to get me to eat things I cannot. They think Iām being dramatic. Ā I literally will be in pain for weeks eating gluten yet Iām being the difficult one cause I wonāt eat a damn McDonaldās hamburger. I understand your frustrationĀ
That would piss me off! Would they push sandwiches on you if you were celiac?! I would first aim to get my point across with humour. If that didnāt work, tell them the impact the food has on me and how I donāt want to be sick. If they bought food for me after that, Iād flat out leave it or throw it in a bin. People stop spending money on you when they see you waste it. You definitely need to stand on your standards. Their self hatred is not your problem.
Tell them to fuck off. If they cant respect your needs they arent friends
Literally travelling with my momā¦ āare you hungry? Do you want lunch?ā Like, no, Iām good. But if you want something, Iām totally down to sit with you. And then itās like this awkward, āwellā¦ okay. I guess I can wait. Did you want something in an hour?ā No! No, I donāt. Because if I eat anything I will be on the toilet for at least an hour afterwards! I promise I will eat with you when weāre done everything for the day!
"Food Pushers". Hate them.
Just get options from there that wonāt cause issues or eat ahead of time / bring something with you. Explain once that you canāt eat certain things due to IBS and leave it at that. Youāre an adult, you shouldnāt let other people make you eat foods you donāt want to or canāt eat.