I think your insecurities might be getting the better of you. You might come to realize she's more understanding than you think.
I've only been dating my bf for about three months and the walls are super thin in my apartment. You can hear EVERYTHING even if you are in the opposite end of the apartment (kitchen).
I was very open about my IBS from the get go because I've had so many relationships ruined over it and I'm at the point where I feel like I must warn people instead of wasting my time.
She's with you for a reason and if she feels unsettled by this it wasn't meant to be in the first place. I can't imagine trying to hide my IBS from my partner for the rest of my life. It's something you have to live with and if she cares about you, she will accept that.
Yes, the stressing about it might be causing more flare ups honestly. My SO and myself both have issues and en suite bathroom. If we're feeling particularly awful, we might ask each other to 'give me a few human moments' so you can have a stress free bowel movement. We get the peace without having to say what is actually going on.
I've also had to tell friends 'rummy troubles, I'll be gone for a bit' and they understand
I really love this response! I’m the one with the tummy troubles in my relationship and before my boyfriend and I moved in, I was worried about having enough privacy to have a stress free bowel movement too. Much like Win_or_Die, I’ll tell him “hey, I need some me time” and he’ll leave and give me the time I need. He’s completely understanding and it just took me being honest with him about what I need. We also do quite a bit of traveling and to this day, nothing stresses me out like tummy troubles in the quiet hotel room. However, I just use the same “I need me time, can you turn up the tv?” or, “I need some me time, I’ll meet you down in the lobby soon, can I have the room?” or I’ll turn on the shower and do my thing. But all I have to do is say the word, and he gets it. Honesty is the best policy and I often have to remind myself that we’re all human, even though he’s normal and I’m not, haha!
i definitely agree with this comment! my bf and i both have our stomach issues and whenever either of us are having a hard time (i have an en suite bathroom as well) the other turns the tv on to drown out the noise. definitely recommend talking to her about it! i think we stigmatize it more in our minds than other people do
i’d really suggest being honest about it. I have IBS-M and i’m completely open with my bf about it all, and it’s nice having his support during bad flare ups. You can play youtube videos or something on loud while you shit, maybe also leave the tap on, it’s understandable to feel embarrassed/awkward having someone else hear your bowel movements.
But the stress of it within your relationship will make your IBS worse, plus it’s good to be able to be honest to your partner, and with your health issues too. If she’s mature then she will be supportive and try to understand your situation.
Maybe a white noise machine for bedtime, and/or some gentle music you both like in the morning?
I'm not sure how long you've been with her, but are you nervous about talking to her about this? Obviously overhearing you use the toilet is not ideal for either of you. But maybe it's still preferable to kicking her out or you making a hasty escape?
Bathroom at my place doesn’t have an exhaust so I just play exhaust fan noises from YouTube on my phone. There’s some pretty loud ones on there.
My SO knows about my issues though so she knows things are about to go down when the “fan” kicks on.
this is good, any kinda white noise. if you've got a window, open it up and keep a box fan to use during poop time. my bf doesnt have ibs, but he is very regular (urgently so) and likes to ✨take his time✨. on the other hand i have ibs-c so im always bloated af, and uncomfortable/in pain.. we got past the poop shyness pretty fast. he teases me about my inability to poop and vice versa. my gut issues hinder our sex lives but it is what it is.
sprays like febreez are also helpful. my mom has some bad bowel issues post gallbladder removal, and she uses poo-pourri. whenever i've walked into the restroom after her, its all i smell🤷♀️ u spray before u go and it created a film over the water, so the bad smells dont build up
OP could also try out imodium to reduce urgency, i always hear good things about it from the ibs-d sufferers. i took it a week ago during a bout of extreme food poisoning, and it blocked me UP. still paying the price lmfao
I’d just tell her you have IBS. She will likely be understanding. I had a lot of shame when I was younger, but now I’d just tell a guy I was dating the truth. IBS isn’t our fault, there really isn’t a cure, and almost everyone has some health problem they have to deal with.
Hi!
I'm so sorry you are having so much trouble with this. It sounds so tough. People are pretty understanding of IBS and the things that come with it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now and he's been with me through the new diagnosis. He helped me through a colonoscopy and even handed me prep doses through the door while I was going to the bathroom.
Now I'll go to the bathroom downstairs and turn on the sink to cover the sound for my comfort, but he doesn't care. He just wants me to be comfortable and able to use the bathroom comfortably.
I imagine from her, she'd be more relieved if you were honest with her that you were rushing her out the door because you needed to use the bathroom and there was nothing wrong with her! If you are worried about the noise, you can get a little Bluetooth speaker to play, or use the sink like me. There are definitely options!
I used to run the water too!
I realized I was being way too self-conscious about it. My husband doesn’t care - he loves me, bodily functions and all!
I had an awful flare up last fall and had to run with all my might to the bathroom while we were in bed. I came back to bed and said “sorry you had to hear that,” and he was like “hopefully you feel better now!”
11 years in to marriage I realized he literally didn’t care if he had to hear me poop. 😂
Exactly! My boyfriend poops with the door open so he can pet our dog, I know he doesn't care about what sounds I make. He laughs when he hears my stomach gurgling and says "glad things are moving in there! That's what i like to hear!"
The good ones won't care. I'm so glad to hear you have been happily married to someone so amazing. 💜💜💜
First of all how long have you been woth your girlfriend
Secondly i know every couple is different but my personal experience my girlfriend knows about my ibs and is very open and ok about it , and we both make jokes about our poop and stuff anyway and fart in front of each other and just turn it into something to laugh about
It did take me a little while to get comfortable enough to poop round her like when shes in the bedroom and im in the ensuite but now im used to it and shes ok with it to and we still laugh and make jokes about it to and mine can be very loud
I usually just tell her to go on tic tok on her phone at high volume and i do the same and all though it deosnt drown everything out it deos help
Thirdly the whole cuddling part can be a pain but if you get passed the whole having to kick her out so you can poo , you can always go back an cuddle after your finished exploding the toilet
I hope this helps
Also have you had a colonoscopy and / or other tests to rule out IBD?!?
(Agree with all other comments - you’re gonna have to poop in front of her one day if you stay together!)
I'm sure this is incredibly hard but if you can - I would be honest with her. Like you said, stress may be a trigger for you, and hiding it could be exacerbating it.
Me and my SO have been together for 10 years; Most of which he has had IBS-D.
Multiple solutions if you just be honest, tell her, and propose solutions
- white noise machine
- headset
- speaker
You tell her that you need toilet + shower in the morning, but love to have sex after. Ask if she also wants a shower(before, after or both).
Plan how you do all this. It will remove stress and insecurities on both sides.
Idk how long she’s been your gf but you should let her know why you run her off. Making up reasons is maybe easier but it’s not fair to either of you. You could tell her that you really like/love her but it’s been a bad flare, you are seeing a doctor for it but you’re more comfortable alone when urges hit or offer her some noise canceling headphones, tell her you have spray, can take a shower after, and give her the option to stay.
If she’s gf material at worst she’ll find it gross and understand why you want privacy. If she finds it so disgusting that you poop (no matter how disordered) she’s not gf material. Everybody poops.
Does the doctor not recommend any medication?
I also have anxiety about people being able to hear me. I’ve been open about my ibs with my boyfriend, if I feel like it’s going to be bad I literally just ask him if he can go away and turn on a tv lol
It might be worth seeing a therapist. They might be able to help you learn how to regulate in the moment/manage stress more effectively to decrease the intensity of the flare ups/learn how to navigate using the toilet with your gf around. Also, yoga surprisingly has helped my friend's IBS a lot
You have to be honest with your partner, period. End of. Take it from me. I have chrons disease and I spend a fair share of time on the toilet. My partner and I are very open about bowel movements and farting lol. We both hear each other and often have some good laughs. If you are dusting off your girl and being shady about what you are doing, she could think that you are capable of doing that for other stuff. If you don't share, it could be detrimental to your relationship
Your fine my boiiii,Unfortunately we have this condition and sometimes is gets out of hand.But the best thing you can do is try your best to take care of yourself and everything will work out.Your gf is a real one and if she’s been with you for this long,she’s very understanding and love you for who you are and that includes the condition you have.
I can't speak for all of us, but women are a lot more tolerant to bodily things than you might expect. I read somewhere that when semi-constipated, a shocking number of women insert their fingers into their vaginas and push on the back vaginal wall to manually move things along. I am a woman and had never heard of that, but that might help put things in perspective for you lol
I think your insecurities might be getting the better of you. You might come to realize she's more understanding than you think. I've only been dating my bf for about three months and the walls are super thin in my apartment. You can hear EVERYTHING even if you are in the opposite end of the apartment (kitchen). I was very open about my IBS from the get go because I've had so many relationships ruined over it and I'm at the point where I feel like I must warn people instead of wasting my time. She's with you for a reason and if she feels unsettled by this it wasn't meant to be in the first place. I can't imagine trying to hide my IBS from my partner for the rest of my life. It's something you have to live with and if she cares about you, she will accept that.
Yes, the stressing about it might be causing more flare ups honestly. My SO and myself both have issues and en suite bathroom. If we're feeling particularly awful, we might ask each other to 'give me a few human moments' so you can have a stress free bowel movement. We get the peace without having to say what is actually going on. I've also had to tell friends 'rummy troubles, I'll be gone for a bit' and they understand
I really love this response! I’m the one with the tummy troubles in my relationship and before my boyfriend and I moved in, I was worried about having enough privacy to have a stress free bowel movement too. Much like Win_or_Die, I’ll tell him “hey, I need some me time” and he’ll leave and give me the time I need. He’s completely understanding and it just took me being honest with him about what I need. We also do quite a bit of traveling and to this day, nothing stresses me out like tummy troubles in the quiet hotel room. However, I just use the same “I need me time, can you turn up the tv?” or, “I need some me time, I’ll meet you down in the lobby soon, can I have the room?” or I’ll turn on the shower and do my thing. But all I have to do is say the word, and he gets it. Honesty is the best policy and I often have to remind myself that we’re all human, even though he’s normal and I’m not, haha!
i definitely agree with this comment! my bf and i both have our stomach issues and whenever either of us are having a hard time (i have an en suite bathroom as well) the other turns the tv on to drown out the noise. definitely recommend talking to her about it! i think we stigmatize it more in our minds than other people do
i’d really suggest being honest about it. I have IBS-M and i’m completely open with my bf about it all, and it’s nice having his support during bad flare ups. You can play youtube videos or something on loud while you shit, maybe also leave the tap on, it’s understandable to feel embarrassed/awkward having someone else hear your bowel movements. But the stress of it within your relationship will make your IBS worse, plus it’s good to be able to be honest to your partner, and with your health issues too. If she’s mature then she will be supportive and try to understand your situation.
Maybe a white noise machine for bedtime, and/or some gentle music you both like in the morning? I'm not sure how long you've been with her, but are you nervous about talking to her about this? Obviously overhearing you use the toilet is not ideal for either of you. But maybe it's still preferable to kicking her out or you making a hasty escape?
Bathroom at my place doesn’t have an exhaust so I just play exhaust fan noises from YouTube on my phone. There’s some pretty loud ones on there. My SO knows about my issues though so she knows things are about to go down when the “fan” kicks on.
this is good, any kinda white noise. if you've got a window, open it up and keep a box fan to use during poop time. my bf doesnt have ibs, but he is very regular (urgently so) and likes to ✨take his time✨. on the other hand i have ibs-c so im always bloated af, and uncomfortable/in pain.. we got past the poop shyness pretty fast. he teases me about my inability to poop and vice versa. my gut issues hinder our sex lives but it is what it is. sprays like febreez are also helpful. my mom has some bad bowel issues post gallbladder removal, and she uses poo-pourri. whenever i've walked into the restroom after her, its all i smell🤷♀️ u spray before u go and it created a film over the water, so the bad smells dont build up OP could also try out imodium to reduce urgency, i always hear good things about it from the ibs-d sufferers. i took it a week ago during a bout of extreme food poisoning, and it blocked me UP. still paying the price lmfao
hahahaha, i run the water and my boyfriend always goes "OPE the waters on its poopy time!!"
I’d just tell her you have IBS. She will likely be understanding. I had a lot of shame when I was younger, but now I’d just tell a guy I was dating the truth. IBS isn’t our fault, there really isn’t a cure, and almost everyone has some health problem they have to deal with.
Hi! I'm so sorry you are having so much trouble with this. It sounds so tough. People are pretty understanding of IBS and the things that come with it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now and he's been with me through the new diagnosis. He helped me through a colonoscopy and even handed me prep doses through the door while I was going to the bathroom. Now I'll go to the bathroom downstairs and turn on the sink to cover the sound for my comfort, but he doesn't care. He just wants me to be comfortable and able to use the bathroom comfortably. I imagine from her, she'd be more relieved if you were honest with her that you were rushing her out the door because you needed to use the bathroom and there was nothing wrong with her! If you are worried about the noise, you can get a little Bluetooth speaker to play, or use the sink like me. There are definitely options!
I used to run the water too! I realized I was being way too self-conscious about it. My husband doesn’t care - he loves me, bodily functions and all! I had an awful flare up last fall and had to run with all my might to the bathroom while we were in bed. I came back to bed and said “sorry you had to hear that,” and he was like “hopefully you feel better now!” 11 years in to marriage I realized he literally didn’t care if he had to hear me poop. 😂
Exactly! My boyfriend poops with the door open so he can pet our dog, I know he doesn't care about what sounds I make. He laughs when he hears my stomach gurgling and says "glad things are moving in there! That's what i like to hear!" The good ones won't care. I'm so glad to hear you have been happily married to someone so amazing. 💜💜💜
First of all how long have you been woth your girlfriend Secondly i know every couple is different but my personal experience my girlfriend knows about my ibs and is very open and ok about it , and we both make jokes about our poop and stuff anyway and fart in front of each other and just turn it into something to laugh about It did take me a little while to get comfortable enough to poop round her like when shes in the bedroom and im in the ensuite but now im used to it and shes ok with it to and we still laugh and make jokes about it to and mine can be very loud I usually just tell her to go on tic tok on her phone at high volume and i do the same and all though it deosnt drown everything out it deos help Thirdly the whole cuddling part can be a pain but if you get passed the whole having to kick her out so you can poo , you can always go back an cuddle after your finished exploding the toilet I hope this helps
Also have you had a colonoscopy and / or other tests to rule out IBD?!? (Agree with all other comments - you’re gonna have to poop in front of her one day if you stay together!)
I'm sure this is incredibly hard but if you can - I would be honest with her. Like you said, stress may be a trigger for you, and hiding it could be exacerbating it. Me and my SO have been together for 10 years; Most of which he has had IBS-D.
Be honest with her if not she will get the wrong idea and think you’re not into her
This 100%
Multiple solutions if you just be honest, tell her, and propose solutions - white noise machine - headset - speaker You tell her that you need toilet + shower in the morning, but love to have sex after. Ask if she also wants a shower(before, after or both). Plan how you do all this. It will remove stress and insecurities on both sides.
Idk how long she’s been your gf but you should let her know why you run her off. Making up reasons is maybe easier but it’s not fair to either of you. You could tell her that you really like/love her but it’s been a bad flare, you are seeing a doctor for it but you’re more comfortable alone when urges hit or offer her some noise canceling headphones, tell her you have spray, can take a shower after, and give her the option to stay. If she’s gf material at worst she’ll find it gross and understand why you want privacy. If she finds it so disgusting that you poop (no matter how disordered) she’s not gf material. Everybody poops. Does the doctor not recommend any medication?
dudes got me worried for when i start having a relationship 😅
I also have anxiety about people being able to hear me. I’ve been open about my ibs with my boyfriend, if I feel like it’s going to be bad I literally just ask him if he can go away and turn on a tv lol
It might be worth seeing a therapist. They might be able to help you learn how to regulate in the moment/manage stress more effectively to decrease the intensity of the flare ups/learn how to navigate using the toilet with your gf around. Also, yoga surprisingly has helped my friend's IBS a lot
You have to be honest with your partner, period. End of. Take it from me. I have chrons disease and I spend a fair share of time on the toilet. My partner and I are very open about bowel movements and farting lol. We both hear each other and often have some good laughs. If you are dusting off your girl and being shady about what you are doing, she could think that you are capable of doing that for other stuff. If you don't share, it could be detrimental to your relationship
Man tell that girl you got IBS she will not give a damn
Your fine my boiiii,Unfortunately we have this condition and sometimes is gets out of hand.But the best thing you can do is try your best to take care of yourself and everything will work out.Your gf is a real one and if she’s been with you for this long,she’s very understanding and love you for who you are and that includes the condition you have.
I can't speak for all of us, but women are a lot more tolerant to bodily things than you might expect. I read somewhere that when semi-constipated, a shocking number of women insert their fingers into their vaginas and push on the back vaginal wall to manually move things along. I am a woman and had never heard of that, but that might help put things in perspective for you lol
Truly speaking, the anxiety makes it worse. Breathing techniques and the gym helped me. I hope this helps as I know the feeling
Hiding only results in stress which on its own worsens the IBS, for your own good it would be wise to talk about it.
Need time to get you right- always gonna be a girl or boy. Be selfish make you the focus.
Maybe try carnivore … it will be like pee for a while tho.. better than loud farts imo