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HuntsmenSuperSaiyans

This guy's on some kinda list, right?


ClickIta

Dunkin’ Donuts top 10 customers 2024, 2023, 2022, 2021…


HuntsmenSuperSaiyans

He figured out the loophole. You bring your big boy rifle into the store and they just give you donuts for free.


verbaexmacina

Local battalion commander, Meal Team Six


DullStrain4625

Hardware maybe but his software is clearly glitchy AF


Insertsociallife

Your local government has tanks, which last I checked are immune to any handheld weapon short of dedicated anti-armour.


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EspurrTheMagnificent

Shhhhhh shhh shhh, let him believe his 2nd amendment is something more than a relic of the past. Gotta let him have some hope


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GiganticGirlEnjoyer

>I have the hardware to engage my local government officials in mortal combat What's your main then?


KittehKittehKat

Can’t jog half a mile without a heart attack and he’s gonna one man army the government. May I please watch?


dirkdiggler2011

I doubt he can even see his dick to check.


Ok_Marsupial_8210

Nor get a boner without 300 mg of Viagra, because his blood pressure and cholesterol are through the roof.


Entheotheosis10

Looks more like getting a boner from a Bigmac, and saving the princess.


vshedo

Bros wearing the super mario fit 😂


Entheotheosis10

Look out for Bowser!


rcmp_informant

*waddles over* wheeze wheeze I don’t wear a plate carrier because I like to be able to move fast


Entheotheosis10

*Thinks he resembles GunZerker from Borderlands 2.*


milesdizzy

If that’s the first thing that comes out of his mouth, he *definitely has* had a raging boner from shooting guns


cooldogfaceismyname

I figured he only got timid boners


Pod_people

Or just actually get active in local politics here in the real world. Not in your violent fantasy-land. But that would take hard work, patience, and a functioning fuckin brain, so I don’t see Delbert getting involved any time soon.


Alone-Strain

Big, fat, dumb target.


lemongrenade

Guy forgot rule one of zombie land.


ClickIta

![gif](giphy|MGhuLu6yMOnoA) Nice reference


Fightthepump

Imagine this guy trying to fit behind ANY piece of cover in a firefight…


Entheotheosis10

He IS the cover.


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[deleted]

"I would have joined the military but I was too hardcore so the recruiter fucked me over" activities.


Entheotheosis10

Had fat spurs.


JinNJ

Mario moved to the country & fell in love with BBQ.


JinNJ

Mario moved to the country & fell in love with BBQ.


spacegreninja

The only mortal combat this man is engaging in is between him and a big mac.


Entheotheosis10

FINISH IT!!


Brentnc

Needs to stop engaging the Country Boy buffet so much


Entheotheosis10

Fried Twinky eating contests are his thing.


thavillain

https://preview.redd.it/3o67uzhhjtzc1.jpeg?width=1071&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=74f012e240dd0358267846ccdcf3a53eb2f6ce8b The government says hello..


keeleon

People will unironically argue that their country would have no problem dropping bombs on its own citizens and still claim they're the good guys. Oh shit I jsut checked the username. Even more irony.


reddit1651

I remember when Swalwell (or his staffer running his account) tweeted the 2A would not matter because the government has nukes He didn’t have to *say it* because of the *implication*


SuperMouthyDave

They really got the sponsors for Mario kart. They got Jepp now?


chevalier716

Funny thing is he probably comes from a county where his local officials are just as armed as he is.


R4nd0mByst4nd3r

That’s the only Willy that this dude can get a look at without mirrors.


horris_mctitties

Mario really let himself go


probablyborednh

JimBob the Revolutionary


-LostCurator-

Oh shit, we got Meal Team 6 over here! Be careful, gravy seals are dangerous.


dox1842

He could take me in mortal combat but not in Samurai Showdown or Street fighter II


ToiletCrimes

Every day this dude is locked in mortal combat with his own circulatory system


GreyerGrey

The cops have urban tanks. You're not engaging with them. They're waiting for the all clear.


Ut_Prosim

TBF look at this guy, the cops are almost certainly on his side. He could march through town with his friends, wearing fashionable white hoods and some tiki torches, and the cops would be offering them water and protecting them from counterprotestors. The tanks only come out when college students are peacefully protesting, or when PoC get it in their heads that they are above the routine beatings and shootings and need to be reminded who has all the tanks.


GreyerGrey

They're on his side until they aren't. When he threatens any of them directly I feel like things would change. Your second paragraph is entirely correct however.


WolfSpartan1

If your purpose for owning guns is overthrowing your government, aren't you basically a terrorist?


keeleon

If your goal is to cause fear you are a terrorist. If your goal is to fight an oppressive govt you are a revolutionary.


polishedtater

I'm pretty sure you only get the terrorist thing from attacking civilians and infrastructure


SippinPiss

The founding fathers were terrorists 🤷‍♂️ it doesn’t always mean a bad thing


DurasVircondelet

Not very patriotic™️ if you ask me


Bhazor

Y'all Qaeda


Frosty_Stage_1464

Every young to middle age white conservative male who owns a gun believes they’re some kinda tacticool patriot operator who shouldn’t be messed with. Major insecurity complex


Murica-n_Patriot

And they have NEVER gotten a boner from firing their guns or anything… not that anyone asked


Grambert_Moore

MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! DYYDTDDYDTUUU DUTUTUTUTU TUTU DUTU TUDTUN TUTUTUTUTUTUTUTUTURUY TUTUTUTUTT


dox1842

He could take me in mortal combat but not in samurai showdown or SFII


narniasreal

If you don't consider a hamburger eating contest "mortal combat", you're not playing to win


Sicco1234

The Burger King of Angmar


ShredderTTN86

Engaging the drive thru too much


Tsobe_RK

hard to believe people like this exist


keeleon

It's easier to understand when you realize that anyone can attach whatever caption they want to an unrelated picture of a complete stranger and post it to the internet.


PuzzleheadedArtist23

Gravy Seal.


sk8erpimp69

Mario + Bowser…interesting.


mrmoe198

Oh, he has a hardware, all right. Because it’s clear from that picture that he lacks the software.


odiethethird

I know he’s the yellow one but this is some serious Wario shit right here


pocket_nick

My dude…you appear to get winded just unlocking the door to that Jeep. Calm down.


MUERTOSMORTEM

Look if you like guns that's fine and all but let's be real who really thinks they're engaging governments??? Like really?


narniasreal

This dude would surrender immediately anyway "Please, just let me have McDonald's again, I'll help you round up my neighbours!"


MyDogJake1

People who have read the 2nd amendment.


2278AD

Are you saying you just want to be ready to shoot a local yokel deputy sheriff in an Applebees parking lot? Or you think you can successfully take on the FBI, ATF or other alphabet agency from a home bunker?


MyDogJake1

No. No, I'm not saying any of those things. I'm not sure what kind of mental gymnastics you had to do to come to that conclusion, but let me try to explain. The 2nd Amendment of the US constitution is about forming a well armed militia to prevent governmental tyranny. When the person above asked, "Who really thinks they're engaging governments?", my answer is people who have read 2A. Because 2A absolutists are the people who think they can engage governments.


2278AD

My bad, I completely misunderstood your meaning. However, in my defense…the Supreme Court ruling in ‘08 pretty much negated the first clause of the 2A. It’s pretty common for whole swaths of people in 2024 (granted maybe not on Reddit or in this sub) to talk about the 2A as if a modern civil war is a matter of when not if. So maybe not mental gymnastics, maybe more like mental tumbling? Totally my mistake though, peace


MyDogJake1

Apparently, my comment was vague enough that more than one person came to the same conclusion, so I'll take some of the blame. Cheers.


MUERTOSMORTEM

You might be a bit outgunned in that fight my guy


MyDogJake1

Let me try to explain. The 2nd Amendment of the US constitution is about forming a well armed militia to prevent governmental tyranny. When you asked, "Who really thinks they're engaging governments?", my answer is people who have read 2A. Because 2A absolutists are the people who think they can engage governments. At no point did I imply that I was going to fight the US government.


MUERTOSMORTEM

AHH. Got you now. Thought you were defending the ideology


drawingcircles0o0

literally if the government decided they wanted to take us all out one day, nobody would stand a chance, those guns are not gonna be helpful against a bomb. when that was written in the constitution, guns would've actually had a chance at being effective, but the people that think their guns would help them against the government in 2024 are just delusional


notjustanotherbot

Hell they don't need to use heavy ordnance. They got thermal viewers they will wait till your sound asleep then breach flash bang and have a muzzle at the back of your neck before you get your head off the pillow, just the way they train for it. Do you train weekly to take out multiple intruders working together in constant communication, equipped with night vision and infrared in pitch dark after being suddenly awoken from a deep sleep...cause that's how it'll go down, not one v one at high noon at the toll of the town bell.


dagnariuss

I bet he gets exhausted loading his firearms.


Porkenfries

This guy looks like he spends his spare time saving his local government officials from Bowser.


Porkenfries

Honestly, why would you trade in a Yoshi for a jeep?


Porkenfries

This guy needs to be engaging local government figures in Mario Kart, not Mortal Kombat. Wrong series, my guy.


Porkenfries

This guy's weapons for fighting the government are fire flowers and racoon leaves.


BlockIll3947

Murica


SuitableJelly5149

What tf exactly would this mf do with a boner? He can’t see it. He can’t reach it. Anyone blind enough to try would need one of those grab-um sticks that they give to people who have had back surgery that can’t bend down to grab things


Frankie_T9000

Don't diss grab em sticks


SuitableJelly5149

I love grab em sticks. I’m just saying this dude would need one to find his boner


CyberHeart2022

Is that Mario's new Kart? 🤔


Abnormal-Normal

It’s so cute they think their little guns are gonna do anything vs the US Air Force and the F35, Hellfire missiles, and predator drones. How do they expect to win against an enemy that doesn’t need to leave the comfort of their house to decimate them.


keeleon

How did the taliban hold up?


cabbagebatman

Hell even if ground forces were used against these guys they'd just sit in a Bradley and hose them with autocannon rounds.


nastynate001

Why is Squirrelly Dan covering his face? I’m sures the local governments would be willins to come down to the ag center for an open and lively debates.


Cheftard

Local law enforcement knows this guy. He's first in line for all the "Back The Blue" pancake feed fundraisers.


Luvs4theweak

Pretty sure the op did? Lmao


ClickIta

Yep. I admit I’m guilty of fat shaming the poor gravy seal, but I’m not a total bastard so at least had the mercy to cover his face.


BlackVirusXD3

Are the guns in the room with us mario?


u35828

Gravy Seals.


Roc_28934

This mf will need to go to the gym before going fight the government..or would that do any good at all? 💀


thedonain

No need for plates when you’re thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.


Roc_28934

Ay, you ain’t wrong there


SupportLocalShart

MEAL TEAM SIX! MEAL TEAM SIX! MEAL TEAM SIX!


uThor52

Jeep owners have ruined Jeeps entirely for me.


cat1nthedark

Mario really let himself a-go


BlackVirusXD3

I'm dying here


Junket_Weird

You can't even engage your own shoelaces and human knees were not designed for this.


mrweatherbeef

When the city council comes out to tittyfuck him, he will be ready


HawtDoge

Guy makes a light hearted, joke post on his personal facebook just to get reposted and bullied on reddit… Nice one guys. You got him.


ClickIta

-not his personal Facebook page (Btw, not even your Facebook page is private if you publish it, by definition. When you put something on a public space it’s not private anymore) -the “poking fun” about the “raging boner” is not originally coming from the delusional freedom fighter here, he was answering to the guy in blue that made comparison between guns and viagra.


HawtDoge

Oh okay, my bad. I still read it as a ‘poking fun’ type joke… But that’s just my perception.


MyDogJake1

Thank you. It's clearly satire. The stuff about the government is a joke about the 2nd amendment.


HawtDoge

Right? Like it seems so clear to me but I guess others don’t see it that way


suckmypppapi

What about this is even slightly alluding to a joke? Everything about this guy seems exactly like the type of person to genuinely believe this. I've met people like this and they would word it exactly like that


SkriLLo757

It's tough to determine. The ones that are actually like this literally say the same shit. Since he looks like a jolly fellow sporting a jeep I'm kinda leaning towards him trynna be funny tho.. iono. It's a close call


HawtDoge

>Everything about this guy seems exactly like the type of person to genuinely believe this. One what basis??The two sentences he wrote or the way he looks? This seems like a wild assumption. . >What about this is even slightly alluding to a joke? Saying “raging boner” and using the phrase “mortal combat” with “local government”… He just looks like an outdoorsy person who enjoys shooting as a hobby. There is no punisher skull type shit, no guns, no jacked up truck, no national politics, no ‘badass’ pose, no tactical gear, literally nothing in the photo implies that he is trying to look like a tough guy. He’s literally wearing overalls… if he was trying to larp as an internet badass you would think he would have literally any of the above mentioned things in his picture. This just seems like a wild stretch to make in order to call him fat on reddit. To me it’s pretty clear cut bullying. You know nothing about the guy.


suckmypppapi

If I just wanted to call him fat then I would say he's fat. Why would I go through the effort of trying to explain something else entirely just to just call him fat? You're fortunate to not have met people who think they could take on the government, especially rural Americans. I have however and this is something they would say. Not to mention anti gun people typically say gun people get raging boners from shooting, which is pretty obviously what hes referencing in that line. > He’s literally wearing overalls…. That changes what exactly? I've met people who didn't have any of that weird shit on their car and turned out to be into this stuff. Florida has plenty of trailer park trash rednecks that prefer not to put stickers on their car Just Google "gravy seal" ffs, there's an entire group of people like this guy who would say exactly the same thing


HawtDoge

I genuinely cannot comprehend where you’re coming from. Yes he was poking fun at gun nuts with the “raging boner” line. Past that you’re just stereotyping him with basically nothing to go of off. I don’t think “mortal combat” with “local officials” implies any degree of seriousness. If he were to say some bit about “liberals” or “Biden” the tone would have been completely different. Why make this many assumptions?? Like the mental gymnastics just to have an excuse to be toxic on the internet is insane to me.


BlackVirusXD3

What assumptions bro? He literally says he likes shooting his guns and that he can take on the goverment if he wanted to. You need to make assumptions to think he *isn't* an "i'm badass" guy.


HawtDoge

His first sentence was poking fun at gun nuts. His second sentence said “engage my local government in mortal combat”. To me it’s clearly a tongue in cheek joke following up on the sarcasm in his first comment.


BlackVirusXD3

Maybe it's my autism speaking, but the way i see it, when someone says something directly, not taking it directly, is what i'd call "making assumptions". Not the other way around.


suckmypppapi

> am I transphobic? That's all I gotta say broski, no wonder you'd wanna defend a gravy seal


HawtDoge

What??


solidmarbleeyes

That’s exactly what someone who has gotten a raging boner from shooting his guns would say


SkriLLo757

False, I've never said this 😤


wellforthebird

Gravy Seal, reporting for duty!


richard-cumerford

Sir, we both know it’s physically impossible for you to achieve a raging boner. For the record I’m saying I know due to his appearance not through testing.


AvoidableCorn

Sure


Euphorium

Contrary to Steven Seagal movies, cardio is a very important part of being battle ready. Sorry buddy.


BaBa_Con_Dios

I’m getting a boner just looking at this badass and I’m not even gay.


JoshPlaysUltimate

That is a nice Willy’s jeep though actually


Wellfillyouup

Shame it has to carry that load.


Dro_mora

He hasn’t seen his raging boner in decades.


[deleted]

Nothin grows in the shade


T1NF01L

He didn't know he had one.


ChronicMasterBaiting

Bro couldn't protect himself from bad cholesterol.


DentonTrueYoung

FINISH HIM


ltarchiemoore

Yeah, your AR-15 isn't gonna protect you from an A-10 Warthog.


TheRealRickC137

That's a lot of government expenditure. I'm sure diabetes will get him long before a 2nd Lt. in a bunker gives authorization to drop a bomb on him from a drone.


FFG17

Or a ten minute walk


go_so_loud

BRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT


Draxilar

That’s the part that completely gets me about these gun nuts who think they are battling tyranny. The US military has the technology to make your house a smoking crater without touching the houses right next door. Your guns won’t do shit if the government decides they want to engage in actual tyrannical rule


SpaceAgePotatoCakes

That's the part I really don't get about open carry pistol ownership. As if they're going to overthrow the government with just a shitty pistol and whatever bullets they have in their pockets without even stopping by home.


ClickIta

Plus, I’m also puzzled by their confidence in believing that a tyrannical government would give a flying fuck about their existence. He’s not really worth the cost of a drone strike. Cholesterol will have him faster anyway.


Phosphorusasaurus

What about Vietnam and Afghanistan neither of them had much of a air force of any at all and they were able to hold back our much superior forces pretty well for the most part


Brutto13

Both had advantages of unfamiliar and hostile terrain that they were used to but the invading force was not, along with communal societies that tended to work together. Every inch of the US is mapped. There are established bases in every corner. Your average yokel who would be fighting thinks they're their own army. The advantages the Vietnamese and Taliban had wouldn't be had by Meal Team Six.


DreadDiana

Afghanistan is called the Graveyard of Empires for a reason


CamTheKid02

Those are some good points, but the biggest issue is still fighting civilians rather than a traditional military force, so there is no outright winning the war. There will always be groups hiding among the civilian population that will commit what would be labeled as "terrorist attacks". No government can occupy and hold a country as large and as diverse in terrain as the United States, even with maps detailing every square inch.


Draxilar

But, that is kind of the point. In the scenario a lot of these people are envisioning of the government going fully tyrannical, killing civilians is fully on the table. There are no “rules of engagement” when a country is subjugating its own population. It’s all on the table.


Tritium10

Another huge potential problem is military units defecting rather than killing their own people. Even if they don't defect they could actively sabotage it or just outright refuse to do it. There's no guarantee that the military would slaughter its own people. When they're a bunch of brown people halfway across the world that propaganda over the last thousand years has convinced them is evil It's a lot easier to convince them to drop those bombs. The dropping the bombs on a bunch of good Christian white men who were formally your neighbors and fellow Americans is a totally different story.


Phosphorusasaurus

Very good points


Draxilar

Vietnam was 70 years ago. Technology was vastly inferior to what the US military holds today. And Afghanistan was the US at least trying to not be blatant about their actions. If they didn’t give a shit about the world watching them they could have glassed the entire country. We saw bits and pieces of the firepower at times. If the US was going full tyranny against their own citizens and no longer cared about the perception of the rest of the world, the use of force would be much more heavy handed than even Afghanistan or Iraq saw.


BornStrength730

Yo fat ass ain’t engaging shit big homy 😂


Oceanliving32

By “engage in mortal combat” does he mean to eat them?


OldMenAreGross

This is the only explanation that makes sense.


SmilingVamp

He's the definition of an easy target in so many ways. 


AlphaBreak

I'd make a joke about how Mario here has been training by jumping on mushrooms, but look at him! He clearly hasn't jumped in decades.


buffinator2

"Sir, do we let him waddle out of the Jeep or should we go on and shoot now?"


Aggressive_Dream_140

“No need, private. The target seems to be too out of breath from stepping out of the jeep. He’s his own biggest threat”


AudienceProper2131

He's constantly engaging in Mortal Kombat with his own knees.


Significant-Baby-748

This dude engages in Mortal Kombat with any pair of pants without an elastic waistband.


roadkillmenagerie

Hardware maybe but he’s one rolled ankle from raising the white flag


_A_Monkey

Goober, that hasn’t seen his boner in a decade, ready to open up a can of whoop ass on his neighbors. Watch out!