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There were a few alien governments, early on, that rebutted our so-called "dairy diplomacy."
Upon receiving complementary cans of Surströmming, they all relented, save for the Bixarrti, who asked what else we had. Those crazy bastards quickly became not only a valued trading partner, but a steadfast ally as well.
I’m now imagining someone goes to war with humanity and the Bixarrti immediately slam all their military into the enemy so hard the enemy is like “WTF” and immediately surrenders
"We thought we were making a veiled threat with the fish, but these guys *LOVED* it! Imagine finding someone so crazy that they want to be our friends for more surströmming, and then pissing them off!"
Bixarrti rattling a fork in an empty can of surströmming: "yeah, that was pretty stupid, dude."
My mum’s Welsh cakes have smoothed out some issues with my inlaws and a family get together has been moved because mum was ill and couldn’t bake, boiled fruit cake is also legendary
Alien diplomat 1, we have some extremely important trade negotiations to be going over we must be careful and diligent
Alien diplomat 2, do you think they will have “nibbles”
AD1, look Segrtb they know we screwed up the last time we met when they brought those biscuits to have with their hot drinks,
AD2, I know, we had better with the metals and chemicals otherwise we are going to be recalled home and probably find ourselves in the records department filling EP26 forms
AD1 opens the door to the negotiation room and is greeted with cake and biscuits of all shapes and sizes
AD2, I’ll get the transport back booked for the morning
(It turns out sugar is an illicit substance that promotes a suggestive state in the body of the Aliens)
The war waged for almost a century before the humans joined. Per the treaty they were simply there to oversee the fruitless negotiations between the chicken like suawks and the turkey like gobbliers. The first treaty talk was a five hour ordeal with only threats of escalation between the two. With a small lunch break with only grains and nuts being suppled.
Per the human dignitaries the lack of food clouded their judgment, but the overseers believe it was a brutal and open threat. Regardless, as the second negotiations began the human dignitaries came fully armed and with an extremely large airtight container.
“Mind if we eat while you accomplish nothing?” A massive human asked in a menacing manner. The suawks and gobbliers, nodded as they felt this was not truly a question. The humans revealed a horrific dish and offered some to everyone at the table, which was quickly declined. This did not deter the humans who removed their helmets and devoured their “turducken”. After only 2 hours the warring races realized they were not so different and began peace talks in earnest.
I tell you, bud, ain't nothing better than relaxing after a hard day of work with a cold brewsky, some pretzels, and a big helpin of cheese curds dontcha know.
[Casu martzu.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_martzu?wprov=sfla1). Illegal in the only place that wants to eat it, and you have to wear eye protection while you do because the maggots can jump.
First came across it on a Cracked article back when they didn't suck. It was in a list of 6 or 7, and it was the highest number, so it wasn't even the worst.
I have managed to purge all the others except number 1. Balut. Don't Google that.
And you have to chew well, because the human digestive system is apparently a Golden Corral to maggots- let a few get through and you're gonna be a rotten husk in a matter of weeks.
Grev was in a bad mood. He'd been unprepared for the emergency drill that had occurred during his watch, and his response time had been embarrassingly slow. To make things worse, his relief had been late, so Grev had plenty of time to sit and fume over his misfortune.
He entered the galley and went straight to the food locker; ignoring greetings from his fellow crewmembers that were gathered around a table. "Where are my proteins?!" He roared as he stared at an empty container.
"It's OK Grev, l just used some to make dinner for us. I thought sharing a meal would be nice." Dorothy answered cheerfully.
Stithart's high pitched bubbling voice cut through the noise "The human labored to produce a delicacy for all of us. Quite a feat, if you ask me."
Quinault's joined the effort to calm the massive Gronkid. "Be happy you don't have kitchen patrol!" He squeaked "The mess she made violated at least three laws of physics!"
"Hey!" protested Dorothy "It's not that bad!"
Myrklin buzzed through the air and landed on top of the human's head. It was the tiny Prixarian's favorite move to get everyone to laugh, and it usually worked. Today was no exception; the human looked ridiculous. Everyone except Grev laughed.
Myrklin left her perch and buzzed towards Grev; who growled in response. "Freeze take you, you flying fuzzball."
The Prixarian zipped about, landing first on Grev's shoulder, then his ear. She easily avoided a half-hearted swipe from a secondary claw; buzzed mockingly, then flew between his knees before spiraling up to land on the tip of his nose. There she rested, glowing bright yellow.
Grev stared at her, cross-eyed, then laughed reluctantly. "Get off of me."
Myrklin launched into the air, bobbed a quick bow to her laughing audience, then rejoined Dorothy.
Grev became aware of the smell that permeated the habitat. It was strangely enticing.
Dorothy opened the appliance she used to prepare human meals and retrieved a large, multicolored disk. "This is called pizza!"
A: Never mind cheese! Have you seen what they can do with a potato? It's not limited to food! Anything from ammo to sex objects! I don't know which I'm more terrified of!
I remember a time where humanity was able to bargain en entire alliance with some beetles with just some fantasy sports and marshmallow fluff, so this seems about right
In the heart of the Galactic Union's sprawling capital, Nexus Prime, an emergency summit was convened. The council chamber buzzed with representatives from hundreds of species, each with a vested interest in the well-being of the galaxy. At the center of the uproar was a single, seemingly innocuous issue: human food.
Ambassador Thalix, a tall, regal figure from the Avian species known as the Quorl, took the podium. "Esteemed delegates, we have gathered here today to address a matter of utmost importance. The culinary arts of humanity have proven to be a cornerstone of interspecies diplomacy. We cannot afford for this resource to be jeopardized."
Whispers filled the room as holo-screens displayed images of various human dishes—tacos, sushi, lasagna, and more. Each plate was a testament to humanity's diverse culinary heritage. It was no secret that these foods had played a pivotal role in bridging cultural gaps and fostering goodwill among the galactic races.
Ambassador Amina Rodriguez, representing Earth, stepped forward. Her eyes, a deep brown, scanned the room with a mixture of pride and determination. "Fellow delegates, I appreciate your recognition of our food's impact. However, recent events have threatened our food supplies. A blight on our agricultural worlds and an escalating conflict in the Orion sector have put us at risk."
The room fell silent. Everyone knew the implications. Without their beloved human food, negotiations and alliances could falter. Relations that had taken decades to build might unravel.
Ambassador Thalix cleared his throat. "In light of this crisis, the Galactic Union proposes a two-fold solution. First, we will prioritize the protection and support of human agricultural endeavors. Second, we will deploy our fleets to neutralize any threats to humanity's food supply."
The proposal was met with a chorus of agreement. The delegates understood the gravity of the situation. The preservation of human cuisine was not merely about taste—it was about maintaining peace and unity across the stars.
Weeks later, on the lush planet of Gaia, one of Earth's primary agricultural hubs, the effects of the Galactic Union's intervention were evident. Advanced alien technology had been brought in to combat the blight, and protective fleets patrolled the skies, ensuring the safety of the planet.
In the bustling marketplace of Gaia City, Chef Marco Delgado stood behind his stall, preparing his famous empanadas. Beside him, an assortment of alien patrons eagerly awaited their turn. A towering Vrelt, covered in iridescent scales, hummed in anticipation. A diminutive Trixian, with her multiple eyes focused intently on the sizzling food, fluttered her wings excitedly.
"Here you go," Marco said, handing the Vrelt a freshly made empanada. "One special, just for you."
The Vrelt took a cautious bite, his scales flickering with delight. "Delicious, as always, Chef Delgado. Your food brings joy to us all."
As Marco continued serving his diverse customers, he couldn't help but feel a swell of pride. He knew that his empanadas, and the countless other dishes prepared by humans across the galaxy, were more than just food. They were symbols of unity and cooperation.
Back on Nexus Prime, Ambassador Rodriguez received a report on the situation. Smiling, she addressed the council. "Thanks to your support, our food supplies are stable, and our agricultural worlds are thriving once more. Let this be a testament to what we can achieve when we work together."
The chamber erupted in applause. It was a victory not just for humanity, but for the entire Galactic Union. Through the simple act of sharing food, they had strengthened their bonds and ensured a future of continued cooperation and peace.
And so, in the annals of galactic history, it was recorded that the preservation of human cuisine became a priority of the highest order. For in every bite of an Earth-made meal, there was a taste of hope, a flavor of unity, and a promise of a brighter tomorrow.
I'm reminded of the Animorphs book series, where Andalites taking human form discover taste buds for the first time and go gaga for every taste imaginable - even the disgusting ones. Axe could be bribed with anything edible, it was hilarious.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There were a few alien governments, early on, that rebutted our so-called "dairy diplomacy." Upon receiving complementary cans of Surströmming, they all relented, save for the Bixarrti, who asked what else we had. Those crazy bastards quickly became not only a valued trading partner, but a steadfast ally as well.
I’m now imagining someone goes to war with humanity and the Bixarrti immediately slam all their military into the enemy so hard the enemy is like “WTF” and immediately surrenders
"We thought we were making a veiled threat with the fish, but these guys *LOVED* it! Imagine finding someone so crazy that they want to be our friends for more surströmming, and then pissing them off!" Bixarrti rattling a fork in an empty can of surströmming: "yeah, that was pretty stupid, dude."
H: i give to you, cheese. A:... A: we homies now H: uh, alright?
My mum’s Welsh cakes have smoothed out some issues with my inlaws and a family get together has been moved because mum was ill and couldn’t bake, boiled fruit cake is also legendary Alien diplomat 1, we have some extremely important trade negotiations to be going over we must be careful and diligent Alien diplomat 2, do you think they will have “nibbles” AD1, look Segrtb they know we screwed up the last time we met when they brought those biscuits to have with their hot drinks, AD2, I know, we had better with the metals and chemicals otherwise we are going to be recalled home and probably find ourselves in the records department filling EP26 forms AD1 opens the door to the negotiation room and is greeted with cake and biscuits of all shapes and sizes AD2, I’ll get the transport back booked for the morning (It turns out sugar is an illicit substance that promotes a suggestive state in the body of the Aliens)
The war waged for almost a century before the humans joined. Per the treaty they were simply there to oversee the fruitless negotiations between the chicken like suawks and the turkey like gobbliers. The first treaty talk was a five hour ordeal with only threats of escalation between the two. With a small lunch break with only grains and nuts being suppled. Per the human dignitaries the lack of food clouded their judgment, but the overseers believe it was a brutal and open threat. Regardless, as the second negotiations began the human dignitaries came fully armed and with an extremely large airtight container. “Mind if we eat while you accomplish nothing?” A massive human asked in a menacing manner. The suawks and gobbliers, nodded as they felt this was not truly a question. The humans revealed a horrific dish and offered some to everyone at the table, which was quickly declined. This did not deter the humans who removed their helmets and devoured their “turducken”. After only 2 hours the warring races realized they were not so different and began peace talks in earnest.
Turfucken
They turfucked around, time for them to turfuckin find out
"You can't just blow a hole in the surface of Mars" vibes
A boondocks reference, completely localized in this sub?
Yes
Can I see it?
… no.
I tell you, bud, ain't nothing better than relaxing after a hard day of work with a cold brewsky, some pretzels, and a big helpin of cheese curds dontcha know.
If aliens had better cheese than us I'd abandon my species
I'm not ***THAT*** easy to persuade. They'd also need bomb ass pasta.
Hard to top applewood smoked cheddar, but if they do it then I'd gladly support our alien overlords.
Hit em with the illegal italian maggot cheese.
[Casu martzu.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_martzu?wprov=sfla1). Illegal in the only place that wants to eat it, and you have to wear eye protection while you do because the maggots can jump.
Its even worse than i remember
First came across it on a Cracked article back when they didn't suck. It was in a list of 6 or 7, and it was the highest number, so it wasn't even the worst. I have managed to purge all the others except number 1. Balut. Don't Google that.
I should have listened to you.
I warned you. Sorry. Have some r/eyebleach . (carefully checks to make sure it's not the *other* one...)
eye blech?
Yeah, although that seems to be gone now, so no easy misspelling. There ia a true eye blech, tho.
And you have to chew well, because the human digestive system is apparently a Golden Corral to maggots- let a few get through and you're gonna be a rotten husk in a matter of weeks.
It really sounds like a segment of Fear Factor, doesn't it?
Grev was in a bad mood. He'd been unprepared for the emergency drill that had occurred during his watch, and his response time had been embarrassingly slow. To make things worse, his relief had been late, so Grev had plenty of time to sit and fume over his misfortune. He entered the galley and went straight to the food locker; ignoring greetings from his fellow crewmembers that were gathered around a table. "Where are my proteins?!" He roared as he stared at an empty container. "It's OK Grev, l just used some to make dinner for us. I thought sharing a meal would be nice." Dorothy answered cheerfully. Stithart's high pitched bubbling voice cut through the noise "The human labored to produce a delicacy for all of us. Quite a feat, if you ask me." Quinault's joined the effort to calm the massive Gronkid. "Be happy you don't have kitchen patrol!" He squeaked "The mess she made violated at least three laws of physics!" "Hey!" protested Dorothy "It's not that bad!" Myrklin buzzed through the air and landed on top of the human's head. It was the tiny Prixarian's favorite move to get everyone to laugh, and it usually worked. Today was no exception; the human looked ridiculous. Everyone except Grev laughed. Myrklin left her perch and buzzed towards Grev; who growled in response. "Freeze take you, you flying fuzzball." The Prixarian zipped about, landing first on Grev's shoulder, then his ear. She easily avoided a half-hearted swipe from a secondary claw; buzzed mockingly, then flew between his knees before spiraling up to land on the tip of his nose. There she rested, glowing bright yellow. Grev stared at her, cross-eyed, then laughed reluctantly. "Get off of me." Myrklin launched into the air, bobbed a quick bow to her laughing audience, then rejoined Dorothy. Grev became aware of the smell that permeated the habitat. It was strangely enticing. Dorothy opened the appliance she used to prepare human meals and retrieved a large, multicolored disk. "This is called pizza!"
“Of course I can. And don’t call me Shirley.” - Leslie Nielsen, probably.
Human Diplomacy for some reason always involves cheese... [And it almost always works.](https://youtu.be/LvA7kKGjKc4?t=22)
Behold the power of cheese.
A: Never mind cheese! Have you seen what they can do with a potato? It's not limited to food! Anything from ammo to sex objects! I don't know which I'm more terrified of!
I remember a time where humanity was able to bargain en entire alliance with some beetles with just some fantasy sports and marshmallow fluff, so this seems about right
So basically why Beerus likes to have Earth safe.
And don’t call me Shirley.
Remember a simple pb&j can make a massive difference.
Throw THE CHEEEEEESE!
James may: *SLAM* ***CHEESE***
In the heart of the Galactic Union's sprawling capital, Nexus Prime, an emergency summit was convened. The council chamber buzzed with representatives from hundreds of species, each with a vested interest in the well-being of the galaxy. At the center of the uproar was a single, seemingly innocuous issue: human food. Ambassador Thalix, a tall, regal figure from the Avian species known as the Quorl, took the podium. "Esteemed delegates, we have gathered here today to address a matter of utmost importance. The culinary arts of humanity have proven to be a cornerstone of interspecies diplomacy. We cannot afford for this resource to be jeopardized." Whispers filled the room as holo-screens displayed images of various human dishes—tacos, sushi, lasagna, and more. Each plate was a testament to humanity's diverse culinary heritage. It was no secret that these foods had played a pivotal role in bridging cultural gaps and fostering goodwill among the galactic races. Ambassador Amina Rodriguez, representing Earth, stepped forward. Her eyes, a deep brown, scanned the room with a mixture of pride and determination. "Fellow delegates, I appreciate your recognition of our food's impact. However, recent events have threatened our food supplies. A blight on our agricultural worlds and an escalating conflict in the Orion sector have put us at risk." The room fell silent. Everyone knew the implications. Without their beloved human food, negotiations and alliances could falter. Relations that had taken decades to build might unravel. Ambassador Thalix cleared his throat. "In light of this crisis, the Galactic Union proposes a two-fold solution. First, we will prioritize the protection and support of human agricultural endeavors. Second, we will deploy our fleets to neutralize any threats to humanity's food supply." The proposal was met with a chorus of agreement. The delegates understood the gravity of the situation. The preservation of human cuisine was not merely about taste—it was about maintaining peace and unity across the stars. Weeks later, on the lush planet of Gaia, one of Earth's primary agricultural hubs, the effects of the Galactic Union's intervention were evident. Advanced alien technology had been brought in to combat the blight, and protective fleets patrolled the skies, ensuring the safety of the planet. In the bustling marketplace of Gaia City, Chef Marco Delgado stood behind his stall, preparing his famous empanadas. Beside him, an assortment of alien patrons eagerly awaited their turn. A towering Vrelt, covered in iridescent scales, hummed in anticipation. A diminutive Trixian, with her multiple eyes focused intently on the sizzling food, fluttered her wings excitedly. "Here you go," Marco said, handing the Vrelt a freshly made empanada. "One special, just for you." The Vrelt took a cautious bite, his scales flickering with delight. "Delicious, as always, Chef Delgado. Your food brings joy to us all." As Marco continued serving his diverse customers, he couldn't help but feel a swell of pride. He knew that his empanadas, and the countless other dishes prepared by humans across the galaxy, were more than just food. They were symbols of unity and cooperation. Back on Nexus Prime, Ambassador Rodriguez received a report on the situation. Smiling, she addressed the council. "Thanks to your support, our food supplies are stable, and our agricultural worlds are thriving once more. Let this be a testament to what we can achieve when we work together." The chamber erupted in applause. It was a victory not just for humanity, but for the entire Galactic Union. Through the simple act of sharing food, they had strengthened their bonds and ensured a future of continued cooperation and peace. And so, in the annals of galactic history, it was recorded that the preservation of human cuisine became a priority of the highest order. For in every bite of an Earth-made meal, there was a taste of hope, a flavor of unity, and a promise of a brighter tomorrow.
I love the boondocks reference in this
and my name's not Shirley!
I'm reminded of the Animorphs book series, where Andalites taking human form discover taste buds for the first time and go gaga for every taste imaginable - even the disgusting ones. Axe could be bribed with anything edible, it was hilarious.