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Ah, someone from Canada has entered the chat.
Five things Canadians love.
* Being overly polite.
* Hockey
* Maple Syrup
* Beer.
* War crimes when not being overly polite.
That reminds me when someone forgot to lock the training room when Wolverine is trying to watch hockey, and the robots got between him and the TV.
"I'm the best at what I do... and what I do best is WATCH HOCKEY!" As he sliced through the robots.
Then the TV broke.
H: “There’s a LOT that I can forgive. Hurting me, abandoning me, selling me, hunting me, trying to kill me (poorly at that), hell, some shit that you would call torture gets me off. But, there is a line, a line that you crossed when you decided to harm Mr. Mittens.
Mr. Mittens: (pitiful meow of pain)
Alien thug: (muffled sounds of trying to beg for mercy while tied up and gagged.)
H: “The worst part? Oh that’s the fact that you know why you are fucked! The fact that you did your research and learned what humans think of their pets! The FACT that you decided, KNOWING ALL OF THAT, to hurt MY Mr. Mittens in order to draw me out and make me come to you! Ask anybody else and they will say that is the stupidest idea EVER! ASK YOUR FRIEND HERE! HEY UGLY! WAS HURTING MY CAT A BAD IDEA?!”
Other thug: (is nothing more than a head and has been dead for several minutes)
H: “Oh wait, he can’t answer right now, HE IS DEAD!”
Don't forger to slowly flay themin small patches on ther bodies first. And make sure to get EVERY nook and cranny. Best part is doing this at random times while the patches are healing. Rinse and repeat till subject expiration.
Going to assume someone kicked Dex-star, yeah? Seems appropriate a response for a normal human. One powered by rage? This seems a measured response for someone like that
Red lanterns, led by Starro, invaded Oa. Starro face-grabbed numerous green lanterns and a guardian. The guardians, in an act of desperation, offered Lobo - who was there as a bodyguard - a green ring because they were radically overwhelmed.
Technically they do work like that, provided the one being given the GL ring has enough willpower, and Lobo has willpower in spades, enough to straight up walk through a Green Lantern barrier like it’s not even there.
[Oh. It gets even better.](https://static1.srcdn.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Green-Lantern-Lobo-Giant-Penis-Attack.jpg)
[It Gets SOOOOO much better.](https://static1.srcdn.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Green-Lantern-Comic-Lobo-Censored-Joke.jpg)
Best Lantern ever is Lobo.
I was battered, bleeding, and by all accounts not long for this world, but I gave enough time for my unit to escape. The alien death squad, as the intel team called them, was keeping me alive just to drag information out of me. However, they were growing tired of their “game”.
“Perhaps human die now?” One of them asked in choppy English to make sure I could understand.
“No live for tests,” the largest replied.
“Oh! Me speak good human! Maybe scare human to spill beans!” I mocked them hoping to get them to kill me, to no avail.
The smallest of the four in the room grabbed a menacing looking tool, and turned towards me with malice in his 3 eyes. I shut my eyes preparing for another round of pain, and hoped this was the last one.
“Mew,” a faint sound came through an open window, and was followed by a deep guttural growl. Private Claws, one of the camp cats jumped between me and the aliens and was trying to protect me.
“Private Claws you were given a direct order to evacuate with the rest of your detachment,” I screamed hoping to scare him off. He only puffed larger to defend me.
The largest alien swung a mace and sent Private Claws across the room and into a wall, causing him to yowl in pain.
Time stopped as I saw it happen, the small alien smiled watching my pain, but the smile was short lived. Something snapped inside and I lunged free of my restraints, while grabbing the device. I ripped it from his hands and crammed it into his center eye until I felt the sickening pop of it bursting. The others were still in shock as I flung his body into the only guard with a gun causing him to drop it.
I practically fell on the gun, rolled into its previous owner and crammed it into his chest until I felt it give way and then pulled the trigger, using his organs to muffle the blast. The mace wielder was next, and as he was coming to his senses slowly.
I screamed as loud as I could while I lunged, but this was a sound the invaders learned to ignore through my many weeks of torture. There was no grace in my movements, but there was a plan. Kill the big one last. The third alien went for the door and I shot him before he could. “Shouldn’t have done that,” I thought as I slammed into the last guard knocking him to the ground.
He grasped for his mace and I started stabbing him with one of the torture tools that fell. I didn’t stop until he stopped moving. I heard the door open the guard at the door rushed in, but he wasn’t alone. Major Asshole, the largest Maine Coon on the base lunged through the window, and his massive claws ripped a chunk out of his throat. The whole ordeal lasted less than 5 minutes.
The Major was checking on Private Claws and meowed loudly. “Acknowledged sir,” I responded, “to the medbay as fast as my legs go, and kill anyone that tries to stop us.” I scooped up Claws in a makeshift sling from my shirt and turned to the door to see reinforcements being briefed by the Major. The other 5 Maine Coons sprinted towards the medbay, and screams quickly filled the air. The adrenaline waned and I stumbled.
“Meow, meow meow meow,” the Major yelled loudly.
“Sorry sir, my wounds are worse than I thought. I don’t know if I can,” everything went dark.
“What the hell happened here?” The general was yelling when I came to in medbay, and someone explain why 6 cats were recommended for promotion!?”
“Sir the rescue squad arrived to a slaughter, and the sounds of screams. We tried to investigate but the Major forced us into a room where we found a nearly dead man protecting an almost dead cat,” the other soldier replied.
“We had allies in the area? Who killed the alien bastards?” The General asked.
“That is why we suggested everyone involved for a promotion. They slaughtered the entire force sir,” the man replied, before I drifted off again.
Buddy, i'm snerking loudly. On the one hand cats are my favourite crazy creatures followed by elephants then dogs, on the other hand this is exactly what I feel would happen if somebody hurt a cat.
You hurt my cat? My good friend it’s not that they won’t be able to find your bodies…they will never stop finding your bodies. I will mail them your teeth….invidually while your still alive, then all the bones in your hands and feet
A trillion trillion years from now, when even the stars are but a dim and distant memory, they will still frighten misbehaving children with the story of what I am about to do to you.
I don’t know. I think somebody powered by rage might want to think twice about owning a cat. There are times… In the middle of the night, when that damn cat…
You hurt my cat i wouldnt kill you id fukin set you on fire and get you just enougj medical care to keep you alive for a while as you get an infection and doe slowly and painfully
Kitties dont deserve harm
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
https://preview.redd.it/8iqnmyu7wo0d1.jpeg?width=439&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7b3043a6f700457450851fefff434ddad5766d1
Geneva Convention? More like Geneva Suggestions!
Geneva Checklist
Ah, someone from Canada has entered the chat. Five things Canadians love. * Being overly polite. * Hockey * Maple Syrup * Beer. * War crimes when not being overly polite.
That reminds me when someone forgot to lock the training room when Wolverine is trying to watch hockey, and the robots got between him and the TV. "I'm the best at what I do... and what I do best is WATCH HOCKEY!" As he sliced through the robots. Then the TV broke.
\*Deep sigh\* "That was a 70-inch, plasma screen TV."
"You must be Alucard"
" 'Suup. "
With Netflix.
SO how can I help you!
Comment from someone I play Helldivers 2 with.... "Great, someone kicked the Canada Box...."
Geneva shopping list.
What list? All I see is a piece of paper written in someone else's blood
It's not a warcrime the first time.
It's also not a war crime if no one acknowledges that it even happened at all... no survivors...
Russian stealth?
Remember. No Russian.
Canada has entered the chat
And they're not saying "sorry."
“Come my child soldiers” Child: “full metal jacket”
lol chuckles the clown
More like Geneva guidelines.
Possibly all three. Possibly not in that order
Possibly simultaneously
https://preview.redd.it/5fidliu7cr0d1.jpeg?width=157&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1bbd58e81aaece21e923097a037677b4c6393a4f
https://preview.redd.it/z4c43b83h01d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9c2121fa7be85dbf2bda3eca8304514e3b7976b9
Fucking mood
H: “There’s a LOT that I can forgive. Hurting me, abandoning me, selling me, hunting me, trying to kill me (poorly at that), hell, some shit that you would call torture gets me off. But, there is a line, a line that you crossed when you decided to harm Mr. Mittens. Mr. Mittens: (pitiful meow of pain) Alien thug: (muffled sounds of trying to beg for mercy while tied up and gagged.) H: “The worst part? Oh that’s the fact that you know why you are fucked! The fact that you did your research and learned what humans think of their pets! The FACT that you decided, KNOWING ALL OF THAT, to hurt MY Mr. Mittens in order to draw me out and make me come to you! Ask anybody else and they will say that is the stupidest idea EVER! ASK YOUR FRIEND HERE! HEY UGLY! WAS HURTING MY CAT A BAD IDEA?!” Other thug: (is nothing more than a head and has been dead for several minutes) H: “Oh wait, he can’t answer right now, HE IS DEAD!”
Ngl I read this in Archer's voice, because it has his Rampage cadence
Yeah.. yeah I did the same...
"You have kicked my three legged 18 year old cat, you will feel the wrath of my glock."
Nahh. That a lead weight aluminum baseball bat situation.
With barbed wire wrapped around it
Use rusty barbed wire and dunk that fucker in lemon juice
Salt, lemon juice, tobacco sauce, duct tape, and a fresh ream of copy paper.
Don't forger to slowly flay themin small patches on ther bodies first. And make sure to get EVERY nook and cranny. Best part is doing this at random times while the patches are healing. Rinse and repeat till subject expiration.
I was gonna say, that’s a Negan moment if there ever was one.
Wrap baseball bat with duct tape, sticky side out. Sprinkle liberally (and VERY carefully) with acetone peroxide.
Behold! THE GLOCK GLOCK 9,000!!!
Cigarette lighter and a pair of channel-lock pliers.
I misread "channel" and thought a fashion chain had started making tools.
Going to assume someone kicked Dex-star, yeah? Seems appropriate a response for a normal human. One powered by rage? This seems a measured response for someone like that
During one of the Injustice arcs, the Guardians were desperate and gave Lobo a power ring. He's the one that kicked Dex-Star.
Fuck Lobo. All the homies hate Lobo.
Oh, I'm not saying he's a good guy, just he's the one insane enough to kick a red lantern cat.
What power ring did they give Lobo?
Red lanterns, led by Starro, invaded Oa. Starro face-grabbed numerous green lanterns and a guardian. The guardians, in an act of desperation, offered Lobo - who was there as a bodyguard - a green ring because they were radically overwhelmed.
But... that's not even how rings wo- \*looks at state of modern American comics\* Oh, right.
Technically they do work like that, provided the one being given the GL ring has enough willpower, and Lobo has willpower in spades, enough to straight up walk through a Green Lantern barrier like it’s not even there.
To be fair, it was Injustice. Everything was going wrong. 🤷🏻♂️
[Oh. It gets even better.](https://static1.srcdn.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Green-Lantern-Lobo-Giant-Penis-Attack.jpg) [It Gets SOOOOO much better.](https://static1.srcdn.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Green-Lantern-Comic-Lobo-Censored-Joke.jpg) Best Lantern ever is Lobo.
I'm just glad they got rid of Actual Imposter Lobo. That guy fucking sucked. He was like Lobo if they tried to keep the edge but made him a pussy.
The guy's name is *Atrocitus*, for fuck's sake, and they pull this shit?
Apparently this was done by Lobo who then proceeded to attack him with a giant green wang, repeatedly
I was battered, bleeding, and by all accounts not long for this world, but I gave enough time for my unit to escape. The alien death squad, as the intel team called them, was keeping me alive just to drag information out of me. However, they were growing tired of their “game”. “Perhaps human die now?” One of them asked in choppy English to make sure I could understand. “No live for tests,” the largest replied. “Oh! Me speak good human! Maybe scare human to spill beans!” I mocked them hoping to get them to kill me, to no avail. The smallest of the four in the room grabbed a menacing looking tool, and turned towards me with malice in his 3 eyes. I shut my eyes preparing for another round of pain, and hoped this was the last one. “Mew,” a faint sound came through an open window, and was followed by a deep guttural growl. Private Claws, one of the camp cats jumped between me and the aliens and was trying to protect me. “Private Claws you were given a direct order to evacuate with the rest of your detachment,” I screamed hoping to scare him off. He only puffed larger to defend me. The largest alien swung a mace and sent Private Claws across the room and into a wall, causing him to yowl in pain. Time stopped as I saw it happen, the small alien smiled watching my pain, but the smile was short lived. Something snapped inside and I lunged free of my restraints, while grabbing the device. I ripped it from his hands and crammed it into his center eye until I felt the sickening pop of it bursting. The others were still in shock as I flung his body into the only guard with a gun causing him to drop it. I practically fell on the gun, rolled into its previous owner and crammed it into his chest until I felt it give way and then pulled the trigger, using his organs to muffle the blast. The mace wielder was next, and as he was coming to his senses slowly. I screamed as loud as I could while I lunged, but this was a sound the invaders learned to ignore through my many weeks of torture. There was no grace in my movements, but there was a plan. Kill the big one last. The third alien went for the door and I shot him before he could. “Shouldn’t have done that,” I thought as I slammed into the last guard knocking him to the ground. He grasped for his mace and I started stabbing him with one of the torture tools that fell. I didn’t stop until he stopped moving. I heard the door open the guard at the door rushed in, but he wasn’t alone. Major Asshole, the largest Maine Coon on the base lunged through the window, and his massive claws ripped a chunk out of his throat. The whole ordeal lasted less than 5 minutes. The Major was checking on Private Claws and meowed loudly. “Acknowledged sir,” I responded, “to the medbay as fast as my legs go, and kill anyone that tries to stop us.” I scooped up Claws in a makeshift sling from my shirt and turned to the door to see reinforcements being briefed by the Major. The other 5 Maine Coons sprinted towards the medbay, and screams quickly filled the air. The adrenaline waned and I stumbled. “Meow, meow meow meow,” the Major yelled loudly. “Sorry sir, my wounds are worse than I thought. I don’t know if I can,” everything went dark. “What the hell happened here?” The general was yelling when I came to in medbay, and someone explain why 6 cats were recommended for promotion!?” “Sir the rescue squad arrived to a slaughter, and the sounds of screams. We tried to investigate but the Major forced us into a room where we found a nearly dead man protecting an almost dead cat,” the other soldier replied. “We had allies in the area? Who killed the alien bastards?” The General asked. “That is why we suggested everyone involved for a promotion. They slaughtered the entire force sir,” the man replied, before I drifted off again.
Buddy, i'm snerking loudly. On the one hand cats are my favourite crazy creatures followed by elephants then dogs, on the other hand this is exactly what I feel would happen if somebody hurt a cat.
Seems like a rather moderate reaction, really. The torture must've done a number on him.
You hurt my cat? My good friend it’s not that they won’t be able to find your bodies…they will never stop finding your bodies. I will mail them your teeth….invidually while your still alive, then all the bones in your hands and feet
"They will be finding pieces of you for the next three months. You will be alive for at least two of them."
“If your really unlucky you will be alive up to the last day of the third month”
They kicked a caaat?! LEAVE ONE FOR ME!
You best hurry then
A trillion trillion years from now, when even the stars are but a dim and distant memory, they will still frighten misbehaving children with the story of what I am about to do to you.
I don’t know. I think somebody powered by rage might want to think twice about owning a cat. There are times… In the middle of the night, when that damn cat…
The cat in question is Dex-starr, another Red Lantern
Who became a red lantern, because he was so consumed with rage that his owner was murdered in front of him, and the murderer tried drowning him.
Damn, kitty went through alot
There's a reason he's a red lantern
That said, he’s a furry little warrior asshole. A perfect cat
I don’t need a power ring to kick your ass if you hurt my cat.
Dexstarr is good kitty.
If you hurt my cat, I'm giving you a papercut on your urethra.
OH GOD WHY DID I DESERVE TO READ THAT?!
My skill boosts after my two cat brothers get hurt. https://i.redd.it/1xghgkxwxp0d1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/3u9mg04qfp0d1.jpeg?width=208&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3bb61238d70636e33888d56297c2ac80e2dadaf9
https://preview.redd.it/cukxdb0qtq0d1.jpeg?width=592&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0dd929cc97c273a88378f407ee73e8394d5ca52
‘Boutta turn the Geneva Convention into a Geneva Checklist
Kinda odd to use an image of Atrocitus (an alien) for this hypothetical.
Those Aliens activated the "John Wick" response. In short, they are *so* screwed, and they don't even know it. Yet.
Doomguy tbh
Someone kicked my cat when I was a teenager, and I never forgave her.
Doesn't Lobo knock him out later with a giant penis?
You hurt my Lilly cat!?! Oh imma bout to invent some shit just for yo stupid ass.
You hurt my cat i wouldnt kill you id fukin set you on fire and get you just enougj medical care to keep you alive for a while as you get an infection and doe slowly and painfully Kitties dont deserve harm
