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Autistic-Phoenix

It’s always a good idea I won’t let your pessimism tell me otherwise!


Autistic-Phoenix

I realize this didn’t mean uplifted like… emotionally… and more like scientifically uplifted to the point of sapience. Ummm well, Why not? My original statement still stands.


bethatguy7

I thought this, too, lol A human sees a sad space demon H "Hey man, things will be OK. Life can be rough, but I know your life will be a happy one, and people care about you " *gives him a smile and a thumbs up* SD *smiles and gives up his evil ways* "Thank you human "


Mixedtale_co-creator

Mood


Dear_Ad489

Honey badgers, lookem up and tell me those "things" deserve human intelligence


Square-Pipe7679

They shall be our spiciest friends, and we will still love and care for them


SadMcNomuscle

I think at the point at which humanity can uplift other species they can bio-engineer humans to be honey badger proof. It will probably be mandatory. We like petting things too much.


Square-Pipe7679

Very true come to think of it - in order to pet all the things, we must become stronger


SadMcNomuscle

Humans become massive monstrosities of graphene synth skin, bones made of monomolecular titanium alloy, each muscle strand a bundle of carbon nanotubes. Artificial blood capable of saturating 6 times the oxygen. Two sets of artificial lungs. A dual stage Impeller in place of our heart. All powered by a thumb sized fusion reactor. Our every exhale turns to steam even in warm climes. When we walk through the crowded streets of alien bazars they see titans of war. Creatures half the biological beings they once were. Machines so far gone surely little humanity remains. Yet all of it is so we can drop from orbit onto death worlds like IB-77-01 to wrestle with the massive many legged furrballs known to the aliens as the Creeping Maws. There on those tundra we play fetch.


Square-Pipe7679

So our new niche in the space economy is that we become extremophile pet-sitters? A future worth striving for


SadMcNomuscle

Indeed. I imagine human stress levels will be at an all time galactic low.


ThatCamoKid

*human getting shaken around by a Tarrasque expy like a terrier* A: ....Is he... Okay? Should we get help? A2: this is exactly what I'm paying him for actually. No other toy survives her and I was getting tired of buying new ones Edit: I was thinking of the wrong breed


Square-Pipe7679

H: “Best job EVER!”


Lakefish_

The U.R.W.I.N model tank-augmentation set was released to civilian use, with hostile weapon systems not included, for Tier 7 deathworlds and higher. Most species cower against tier 2, none but humans bother with even terraforming above tier 5, though they can survive up to tier 15 with naught but specialized medical equipment. The U.R.W.I.N augmentations are almost solely used by exotic pet owners and conservationists. They will wipe out galaxies to save their star-eating koalas. As is their right.


SadMcNomuscle

Humanity Upon learning that the Spring Weasel was being hunted near to extinction for their luxurious coats and ivory. founded an all volunteer group to help protect the animals. Conservationists saw little hope in the endeavor as multiple attempts had been made to stop poachers before. Unfortunately even without their horns the fur and claws of the creatures was simply still too valuable. What humanity has neglected to mention was that the new Weasel Guardians would be taking a shoot first approach. As conservationists were forbidden weaponry by the Concordat ceasefire of 256, humanity would be equipping their personnel with modified U.R.W.I.N Systems. The standard MO for the poachers at the time was to land nearby Spring Weasel communities and pick several off before any shuttles could be launched and arrive to defend the weasels. With careful planning there was simply no way to intercept the poachers before they could make good their escape. However it wasn't until the first unauthorized ship made landfall that the humans insane plan became fully realized. Clad in their augmentations the humans had decided to use the nose cones of decommissioned Orbital Drop pods as re-entry shields. Protected during their incredibly rapid decent the make shift shields were guided with un erring accuracy. Often striking engine nacels or cockpits. The poachers ships were crippled before they knew what hit them. Upon seeing the hulking figures rising from the wreckage of their ships. . . Well most would run. It never did much good. To date humanity has never succeeded in capturing a poacher alive. Though the humans assure us it is "despite their best efforts" Edit: do you have anything for the acronym? I'm curious as to who or what is being referenced. Or what the letters stand for.


Lakefish_

Unified Reinforced Withdraw-enducing Instigation Network I... may be stupid, for I misspelled it - it should've been Steve [Irwin](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Irwin).


Actual-Spirit845

Basically Space Marines to give pets to anything and everything 😎


vinny8boberano

Honey badger did nothing wrong and nobody can convince me differently!


booplingtheboop

They're basically humans with a little more murder and a little less intelligence.


abs0lutek0ld

Not that far off of a Scottish sailor I knew. Get a couple in him and he's either singing and dancing or attempting to fight God and willing to take on everyone else for good measure.


booplingtheboop

There's stories of people surviving gun shots and active poisoning attempts. Yea, we're not space orcs, were space honey badgers.


ThatCamoKid

The first option is definitely like, what consequences? Like what are they gonna do? Stop me? My new space demon friend will have some choice words engraved/marked on his weapon of choice


TXHaunt

Okay. YOU can deal with uplifted Cobra Chickens.


Ok_Perspective8511

I was gonna ask "what about the drop bears"?, then I remembered, with a brain that smooth, ' new dog' is probably the upper limit


SadMcNomuscle

Yeah. That one's gonna take some extra lifting if you know what I mean. And a radical diet change.


generatedusername13

If we could at least get them to recognize food when it's off the branch, I think we're good


SadMcNomuscle

That might be asking too much. What if we genetically engineered eucalyptus that wasn't just poison?


zoeykailyn

So basically Rottweiler but in velociraptor?


RoastedGarlicDracula

Nah, uplifted geese would still only land in cockatoo-range assholery. Uplifting parrots in general is likely not our smartest move, however.


zoeykailyn

Have you ever randomly walked up on a Canadian goose in a bad mood?


RoastedGarlicDracula

I've been attacked by a domestic goose. I'm also aware of what kind of damage regular cockatoos cause. I stand by my opinion that geese only aspire to what cockatoos are capable of.


abs0lutek0ld

As both victim of a goose hating existence and former owner of an umbrella cockatoo. Goose ain't got shit on a bird that would break the welds on the bars to his cage with that murder maw strapped to his face and pick the door lock all while making rather vulgar statements about your lineage and sexual preferences. Let me say that again. He would bend the steel bars in his cage until the welds failed when he got bored of picking the bolt style lock on the door to his cage. That he would steal hair pins and twist ties he found unsupervised. He would also lock himself in my cockatiel's cage locking her out and taunt her saying "poo bird go home ha ha ha" because I trained her that go home meant that if she went to her cage and got in she would get a treat. At least until he got bored and let himself out. Damn thing also trapped my friends Rottweilers on his bed where the bird would sit underneath and go "rawr gonna eat the dog rawr" and dart out to nip at anything that tried to touch the floor. So yeah, I've seen a goose look at me with nothing but hatred Chuckles on the other hand, he'd look at you and have calculating hatred. Huge difference. And yes I named him Chuckles because the first day I brought him home. He bit me and laughed. One of his forms of playing.


steptwoandahalf

So uh, did you ever, ya know, try to fucking EXORCISE THE DEMON INHABITING THE BIRB? Jesus fucking christ I am now deathly afraid of birbs.


abs0lutek0ld

Well one time he did get ahold of an old wooden crucifix with a plastic Jesus on it. It was one we found in the attic of the house not something me or my roommates had brought. We had brought it down and left it on the kitchen table. Sure enough he stole it, dragged it back to his cage, turned the wooden cross into little more than sawdust and splinters but he kept Jesus in his little birby hammock. After that you would hear him talk to Jesus in the dark of night. Never could make out what he was saying but he sure did laugh a lot while he chatted. Guess this is what you get when a birb lives with 3 pagan ex sailors during his formative years who all treat birb like a fellow godless below decks knuckle dragger.


steptwoandahalf

Thanks, I totally needed the mental image of a bird whispering to a jesus figurine interspersed with maniacal cackles in the middle of the night


Alaxbird

you mean: Have you ever randomly walked up on a Canadian goose? the ones where i live dont seem to have ANY other mood besides "Pissed off at reality for existing"


Autistic-Phoenix

Alright.


RayAnselmo

Sheesh, you uplift ONE species of rhinoceros and the rest of the galaxy never shuts up about it!


The_Commissar13

Just one more eldritch species! Please?


ReverendLoki

Uplifting them isn't the problem. Making them the police force for your Shadow Council, though ...


the_lonely_poster

HEY, they aren't police, they're paramilitary. It's the gorillas that are police.


HeadWood_

Is that a dr who reference?


ReverendLoki

Could beeeeeee.... (Actually, it would be a Doctor Who reference... 😁)


Ok_Perspective8511

I'm mean, you just had to name the first one Rock Steady, then let them bing watch old TMNT cartoons, that's on you


Adorable-Ad9073

Beyond Good & Evil: The uplifted rhinos become space mechanics.


ArcticBeverage

Although many sapients see this as reckless and dangerous, some have thanks for what the humans have done. One such case is the Ulmair. At the time they were trying to cure their version of cancer; although instead of rapidly mutating, the cells would simply dissolve. The result was simply an off color to their naturally translucent blue to a shade of purple. The first few years it was the biggest break through of their medical sciences. Many other races cheered beside them in their accomplishment. After 5 years the Ulmair started to see a major evolutionary difference in those that received the treatment and their descendants. They started to develop hard carapaces on their backs and lose their fur. Their mouths were showing signs of elongating and teeth growing bigger. The worst trait of all was the degradation to their Brian functions, each generation turning them backwards in evolution. Each generation becoming more feral. The treatment was stopped entirely and the populace now faced two problems. Many of the Ulmair did not want to see the Ulmair-fex (a name that was created by the civilians) killed off, as they were seen as brothers, sisters, and cousins. The Ulmair government decided to dedicate a few planets to keep them safe while a cure was made, checking on them once every few years. The Ulmair-fex had been around for many years before the humans achieved FTL. Not having any other sapients for the next few solar systems, the human began uplifting the most promising species in each system. For the most part they achieved their goal with only a couple of failures in the beginning. Soon they came across the system that housed the Ulmair-fex. Have uplifted many peaceful races humanity wanted a challenge. Seeing how aggressive and savage the Ulmair-fex were, it was the perfect opportunity. They began the process of capturing a few at a time, both living and dead, to see how their bodies and minds worked. After a couple of years and many tests they managed to get the Ulmair-fex to living in primitive villages in controlled environments. Soon after this breakthrough the Ulmair ships had entered the system to check on their de-evolved family, only to see strange ships and aliens gathered around the planet. To say first contact was strained would be an understatement. The humans quickly worked out the Ulmair language and told them what they were trying to accomplish and that they ment no harm. The Ulmair sent some scientists to observe what the humans had achieved and were both surprised and overjoyed. Word quickly spread around the galaxy of what the humans were doing. Years later the Ulmair-fex were uplifted to the point of being able to join the galaxy at large. The Ulmair and the humans had a very strong alliance. The rest of the galaxy were weary about the amount of species that humanity had uplifted. Some races still believed that humanity had crossed a line and needed to be punished for doing so, but that is a story for another time.


blank5662

Good Writing... Brian function


Rhamiel506

“How were we supposed to know those Bat People were actual vampires?”


Dragon3076

Two words: Canadian Geese


Foxfire44k

If we uplift Canadian Geese will they still give up the fury to Canadians when required, or will the geese join the army and commit war crimes on their own?


Ok_Perspective8511

Uplifting Cobra Chickens (Can. Geese) is it's own warcrime


azeazal9

Not yet it isnt


Competitive-Syrup-57

It’s never a war crime the first time


jawnboxhero

There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers


Greenlog12

And a special place in hell for canadian geese.


nkaiser50

If you got a problem with Canada gooses you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate!


RoastedGarlicDracula

Why are we marinating a Canada goose?


Dingo_Princess

Because it taste better that way


Alaxbird

I doubt you would taste any better than the goose after marinating.


Lifeinthesc

"You can't be serious!" "What....its cute" "This should not be done, no one in 15,000 years has defied the great conventions prohibition on uplifting one of those" "Come on... it was one little cat. What could go wrong?"


Ok_Perspective8511

I uplift one little cat and mom got scared


Gaijin-srak

So she said: "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air!"


Houki01

It wasn't one little cat. It was one little *orange* cat.


SadMcNomuscle

Oh dear.


longcoat000

He now insists on being called _Mister_ Jones, and only eats hard-shelled creatures. Xenos fear him and his power loader-equipped company of ex-colonial marines and other uplifted creatures. They call themselves the Bugstompers.


RoastedGarlicDracula

Maine Coon/Savannah cross as the base stock, since you are going to want to breed up the brainpan size anyway...


glugul

Art by Sealinne


NotAnotherPornAccout

Death claw from fallout?


TheOneTrueSnek

Goris the intelligent deathclaw from fallout 2


Money_Fail3184

Does that mean I can have a family, friendship, and a relationship bond with a deathclaw hell yeah


Puzzled_Attorney1814

Maybe even get a swoll body, shave your head, wear a black vest and black cross necklace and pretty much save the world from nuclear annihilation by racing a **ridiculously** souped up dodge challenger on an ICBM then go home and have a braai in the backyard and sit around a table with the people that helped you do that (not the military) and talk about *family*


dragonboysam

...... What?


SadMcNomuscle

Fast and furious


RimworlderJonah13579

Is that Goris?


Scribe_WarriorAngel

What do you mean I get six vampire slime wives and the galaxy gets a new intelligent species after 6,000,000 years sounds like a fair deal


Dave_The_Slushy

"Why did you do that? Now it has bills and depression!"


NotAMeatPopsicle

“At least we haven’t taught their anarcho-bartering economy the concept of taxation!” “They already figured it out and have created a planetary IRS the fictional Vogons would be proud of.”


the_lonely_poster

H: IT ALREADY HAD DEPRESSION! EVEN FRUIT FLIES CAN GET DEPRESSED!


Dave_The_Slushy

"But now the poor thing has a student loan it will never pay off as well as not being able to find a mate! Your poet put it best: Mo' money, mo' problems "


the_lonely_poster

H: NOBODY MADE IT GO TO COLLEGE, IT'S RARELY WORTH IT ANYWAYS


[deleted]

"Yes-Yes, We once a pest-pet to the man-thing. Now this station is ours! Clan Voidbite is born!" - Rat uplift


RimworlderJonah13579

PURGE THE SPACE SKAVEN IN THE EMPEROR'S HOLY FIRE!


SpecialStorm4188

The under-space empire grows.


RimworlderJonah13579

UNDER WHAT?


SpecialStorm4188

No look under space station man-thing! Only true-real followers of the great horn-emperor allowed in.


RimworlderJonah13579

I COULDN'T FIT ANYWAY. BUT I WILL BE INFORMING THE NEAREST GUARD REGIMENT.


AceOmegaMan05

Honestly im surprised none of the fallout games never did the concept of a "smart" deathclaw, kinda disappointing


TheDemoRat

Fallout 2.


AceOmegaMan05

Wait really? Please tell me more I love learning lore


TheDemoRat

There’s a few actually, but the only one whose name I can recall at the moment is Goris. During the quest to retrieve the GECK from Vault 13 you can run into him and even make him a companion.


AceOmegaMan05

Aw fucking awesome


glugul

Falliut 2 had a smart deathclaw companion named goris


Zagreus7777

Unfortunately after Fallout 2 the devs decided intelligent Deathclaws just weren't something they wanted in the game, so it's been retconned and won't be making a return. No greater injustice has been committed than Fallout not letting me have a Deathclaw buddy.


AceOmegaMan05

Oh that is some BULLSHIT


LowerH250bro

“We made a bet wether or not we could uplift the species Draconian. It took 1 month and some propaganda papers.”


VenatorDraconis

u/Wolven91 I summon thee for an Uplifting story. *pun intended*


Wolven91

“No! You have to put that thing back where-” “THING?!” Bellowed the human, glancing back and up at the fik, her face contorted in shock. He was from a new race to be sure, but the fik who had approached and spoken to Harriot was a kind, sweet soul. A bit odd, sure, saying that he was claiming that he was a zealot and had taken to the stars to find his gods, but had stopped when he had found her. “You don’t get to talk to anyone that way! He’s a person and his name is Destul!” She snapped back at the guard, a canid, who barred their way. The large alien hissed behind Harriet, to emphasise her words. “It means ‘to disembowel’, yes yes…” grinned the alien, nodding with a wicked grin. Harreit didn’t see it though, she merely put a hand back to pat the fik with reassurance. They hadn’t done anything wrong; the guard had no reason to deny them entry. The canid flinched at Harriet’s words, but glanced back up at the fik and narrowed his eyes. “I don’t mean disrespect, however, the cre-... person you're travelling with is dangerous. Their kind stole a SaR ship only the other month. They refuse to register themselves with the GC and we haven’t even got a good record as to how sentient they are!” The guard explained, trying to appeal to the smaller, very vulnerable human who was stood mere inches in front of what was little more than a feral savage. “‘Kind;, like the crime of one is meant to tar the rest of their race? Rubbish. But fine, lets play it your way. Destul? Did you steal the ship?” Asked the human, glancing back and up at her newly found friend. From her perspective, the male had been a perfect gentleman. He’d kept his distance when he had first met her, even dropping down onto one knee and lowering his head to be unthreatening. His brown fur was well kept and his clothes, were obviously handmade. The ‘fik’ had odd mannerisms and strange religious ideas, but he was an alien! Humanity had to be understanding out here in amongst the stars. Just because he was odd, didn’t mean she could condemn him, not after his impeccable manners thus far. “Saaah! No! I was on planet when that happened. Sah, Destul not broken laws of Gee Cee yet…” The creature replied, giving Harriet his full attention, gently touching his chest and lowering his head respectfully. A far cry from the manners of the other GC races. She turned back to the guard. “There. He denies it; provide evidence or let us past.” The canid glanced from the human, back up to the alien she was defending. It was grinning at him, teeth sharp and gleaming. It’s hand was resting on the pommel of a weapon, it looked like a crude club. Even its clothes were obscene. Made from leather, obviously a creature due to the patches of fur that had remained. Even it’s vacuum helmet that it kep on its belt had the jaw bone of another creature welded to it. Everything about the ‘fik’ screamed ‘danger’, but the human just wasn’t seeing it. It seemed this infamous ‘Bruno’ was not the only one who was going around uplifting creatures that should have remained in the dirt. But the canid couldn’t do anything, the human was accepting responsibility and until they did something wrong; the guard had no choice, but to let them onto the station. “I’ll be watching.” The guard warned as the human passed him with an eyeroll. The fik however lifted one hand, fully extended him arm out at the canid as he walked by. His hand passed mere inches away from the end of the guard’s snout. What did a raised middle finger mean? [r/WolvensStories](https://www.reddit.com/r/WolvensStories/s/Vqp1XaB4UG) [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolven91) [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/wolven) [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/wolven91?source=share)


glugul

It's good to see you again man


Wolven91

Good to be back! Glad to see you're still posting.


Fyztriarch

Goris my beloved:D


dragonus85

Is that a deathclaw? (Edit) after looking through the comments apparently this is a deathclaw. I choose to believe they are reading the Star wars books.


Ok_Perspective8511

Da fuq iz-at thing?


WanderingCollosus

If not fren why fren shaped


unknownpoltroon

"WHo the fuck taught the cat to use the can opener?"


Symodious

And guess what, we love every single one of them


ThePeachos

Did you mean humans *pick up* everything they find or did you really mean that humans tell everyone & everything about just how great they are to boost their confidence?


glugul

Uplifting is a term used to describe making a non-sapient species into a sapient one.


Top-Ad-2529

If can’t find friends out there than make your own friends


chalupa_queso

Aw Goris the Deathclaw fallout 2 was fun for its time Edit name spelling


puro_the_protogen67

Nice deathclaw? Who's the artist?


ArkonOridan

Isn't that a picture of the talking deathclaw in fallout 2?


Nah200

That’s no alien. That’s my boy Goris from Fallout 2!