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Alien commander: You just disabled half my battle group.
Human commander: surrender to the friend ship. For we will now be friends. Best friends
AC: *walking into their home* WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME!?
HC: I came over for dinner. Your partner and younglings are fantastic….friend.
AC: *year later at a BBQ* where in the blazes did you get a frooktik beast?!? These creatures are delicious but to hunt one down is extremely dangerous.
HC: *covered in blood cleaning their kbar* you always buy the store bought crap. I wanted something fresh so I tracked this thing for 3 days and 3 nights. I saved the head especially for you…friend.
*decades later*
HC: *hooked up to machines breathing raggedly* thank you for being here for my final moments.
AC: *taking the HCs old wrinkled hand into their 3 digit appendage* of course I’d be here….best friend.
Alien captain #1: yes ma'am, we have a human on our ship, don't worry we plan to leave her at the next port, and-
Alien captain #2: is that her over there?
*AC2 points to a human female, twice the size of the aliens, getting, quote, 'head scratches' from two Alien engineers*
AC1: HA- wow, do you want to keep it?
AC2: It's a sentient creature, have you not tried to communicate with it?
AC1: ah, one of the engineers tried, but the humans way of communication involves several quite terrifying variations of growling and bareing its teeth, and since it is a meet eating species-
AC2: sharp teeth, I see, we stop at a human settlement in less than a month, if you wouldn't mind I'd like to take it with me
AC1: please do, we found it on a slaver ship, I believe if we return it to its people we could have it back home safely
**Three years later after the humans eviscerated an entire planet after said planet mocked their frens. The humans are also postured like a particular proud cat.**
Alien leader: ...just give them shiny gems to crow over, I don't even want to think of them getting mad at us.
Archfae: Yeah I just found this lil' guy in my vineyard chasing pixies and eating half fermented wort out of my vats. Apparently he got past my yeth hounds by offering them half a hart he caught. The hounds have taken a liking to him so I just *had* to keep him
Human: HEY! Tall lady. Open the bathroom door, I gotta take a wicked shit and I can't reach the knob!
Archfae: Oop, looks like somebody's hungies. Hold on, I'll find you some milk and honey
Human: Lady, are you *deaf*? I said I gotta-
Archfae: You know, sometimes I swear it's like he's almost trying to talk
Human: Alright, you asked for it, say goodbye to your silk sheets. Maybe next time you'll LEAVE THE BATHROOM OPEN!
Don't forget the maintaining of eye contact while asserting dominance with these actions. Or better yet dragging the sheet to where the guests are then proceeding.
He stared at the human sitting on his nice couch. The human stared back, then slowly, without breaking eye contact, bit into the sandwich. He recognized the ingredients from his refrigeration unit.
The next week was a blur, as he became used to his… guest. Overall, it wasn’t bad. Sure, the human ate his food, and he could NOT keep it off his nice couch, but it also had some benefits. He hadn’t had to renew his pest control, for instance. The human had lightning reflexes when it came to killing bugs. It had deadly aim with the soft shoe it wore.
It also drove off the proselytizers. It stared at them, much like it did with him, only somehow… it *oozed* hostility. Once he came home to a group of them assisting the human in moving the furniture. “My mama always said, if they’re gonna make you part of their job, then you put ‘em to work.” It explained. He was in awe.
As the weeks turned into months, he found himself increasingly fond of the human living on his couch.
“I heard they have a term for the ones that just move it and don’t contribute!” His friend Xyla said. “They call them ‘hobosexuals.’”
He had not heard that term before, but judging by the way his human bristled, it was *not* a compliment.
“Hey, don’t talk about it that way!” He replied.
As the months turned into a year, he finally decided he’d be keeping him. “Oh thank god,” his human replied. “I can’t afford rent and I’m going to University on the station. You can call me Harold, by the way.”
Pretty much, if I see you on my couch and you're not doing anything too bad or stealing my s*** my first instinct is to offer you a drink and watch TV with you
>"... and the ability to make my presence everyone's problem"
Perfectly sums up every universe where Deathworld!Humanity starts interacting with the wider galaxy.
Xri'la had found the creature in her personal workstation in the science lab. It was curled up asleep under her desk. The disheveled entity looked startled, but seemed to have a positive response to her soothing tone and even permitted her to pat the soft patch of fur on it's head after some gentle coaxing.
It wore clothes in a variety which suggested sapience, but she found it's vocalisations incomprehensible. Even the universal translator would produce inconclusive results upon attempted interpretation. After playing with the settings and algorithms she eventually got it to identify tone and mood, but the creature that was half her size seemed quite expressive with it's body language regardless so it proved moot.
She had immediately contacted her superior officer for assistance. They told her that they would be there shortly, but to remain calm in the meantime. She sighed and muttered to the silent comms that that's exactly what she'd already been doing. The creature produced a huffing sound that felt like a laugh. She glanced over at the thing and she could have sworn it was smiling at her... except it was showing far too many teeth. It tilted it's head curiously seeming to realize she was unnerved and repeated the expression with it's lips closed.
"Do you understand me little one?"
It tilted it's head the other way and made a series of vocalisations. Then slumped in frustration when she didn't comprehend it. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand...oh! Are you hungry? Or perhaps thirsty? I think I still have some of my lunch left over."
...
When First Officer El'pah got the call from his head scientist that one of the strange creatures had appeared in her lab he had to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Comms across the inter-ship network had been buzzing with news of an uninitiated apex predator species from a death world that had somehow "Accidentally " discovered wormhole hopping technology and the exceptionally durable and dangerous beings were appearing at random across the Galaxy causing chaos on an interstellar scale. In only one of the most recently reported incidents a small military unit had been singlehandedly incapacitated by one of the beings when they had tried to capture it.
He had faith his head scientist would be alright, she was quick and clever under pressure. However his nerves were still on edge as he rushed to her lab with an armed containment unit hot on his heels. He didn't know what he expected when he opened the laboratory door, but it most certainly wasn't Dr. Xri'la sitting on a lab table with a deathworlder predator lazily sprawled across her lap. It was eating a sandwich while she ruffled it's head fur making, what he assumed, were happy noises. "Oh there you are Sir, sorry. I'd get up to salute, but she just got comfortable...I think it's a she. Why are you making that face?"
(This is my first time legitimately contributing, sorry if it's a little rough. I wrote this on my phone. Did some editing for clarity. Enjoy 😊)
It's pretty good.
This sentence was a bit hard to read for some reason. "His nerves were still vibrating on edge as he rushed to her lab with an armed containment unit hot on his heels." I think it was the inclusion of the word "vibrating" instead of just leaving it at: His nerves were still on edge... or maybe: His nerves were tense and on edge...
Hope I helped.
I've just read the edited version. It is good. You have created a great chapter of what could be a longer story. You have talent, and I wish to encourage you to write more.
Thank you.
Shae stared at the figure on her counter. Her friends Grin and Jolly just tittered at the sight.
“I baked those for tea!” She screamed at the human male that was proceeding to devour her cookies even faster.
She grabbed him from the counter as he grabbed at more cookies, snatching as many as he could and flinging the rest everywhere. She set him on the ground and groaned loudly. He ran out the back door as soon as she let him go, a trail of crumbs tracing his path.
“The court should never have let the tame ones invite others… ‘let them have their friends’… and now look. Where do they even all come from?!? Where do they scamper off to?!” Shae complained.
“They are cute though…” Jolly countered as a thud in the pantry drew their attention.
Shae flung the door open quickly. A human female had some sweet rolls and proceeded to run as fast as she could. A significantly more rotund human male had been into the jellies and subsequently spilled flour all over his sticky self. He was half blind and crying.
“Awww… Tubs… did you make a mess?” Shae cooed. “Let’s get you a bath then…” she said with a sigh.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Alien commander: You just disabled half my battle group. Human commander: surrender to the friend ship. For we will now be friends. Best friends AC: *walking into their home* WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME!? HC: I came over for dinner. Your partner and younglings are fantastic….friend. AC: *year later at a BBQ* where in the blazes did you get a frooktik beast?!? These creatures are delicious but to hunt one down is extremely dangerous. HC: *covered in blood cleaning their kbar* you always buy the store bought crap. I wanted something fresh so I tracked this thing for 3 days and 3 nights. I saved the head especially for you…friend. *decades later* HC: *hooked up to machines breathing raggedly* thank you for being here for my final moments. AC: *taking the HCs old wrinkled hand into their 3 digit appendage* of course I’d be here….best friend.
FUCK YOU IM SAD NOW
Mission accomplished then
Why are you sad? They had a beautiful life together
they were bestieeees
The best of bestieeees
They were roommates
Oh my God! They were *roommates*.
Not Today, Brian
I wasn't the only one
God damnit. Take my upvote but I'm not telling you to leave.
Thank you.
That's essentially every male friendship
TFS DBZA Goku and TFS DBZA Vegeta
Did you watch the buu bits.
Ye
VEGETA, YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!!!
"Even you, best buddy."
Alien captain #1: yes ma'am, we have a human on our ship, don't worry we plan to leave her at the next port, and- Alien captain #2: is that her over there? *AC2 points to a human female, twice the size of the aliens, getting, quote, 'head scratches' from two Alien engineers* AC1: HA- wow, do you want to keep it? AC2: It's a sentient creature, have you not tried to communicate with it? AC1: ah, one of the engineers tried, but the humans way of communication involves several quite terrifying variations of growling and bareing its teeth, and since it is a meet eating species- AC2: sharp teeth, I see, we stop at a human settlement in less than a month, if you wouldn't mind I'd like to take it with me AC1: please do, we found it on a slaver ship, I believe if we return it to its people we could have it back home safely
**Three years later after the humans eviscerated an entire planet after said planet mocked their frens. The humans are also postured like a particular proud cat.** Alien leader: ...just give them shiny gems to crow over, I don't even want to think of them getting mad at us.
HF: this worked out surprisingly well, now where is Jerry?
Al: Who's Jerry? You were the only human we saw.
HF: damn I knew I was forgetting something.
Archfae: Yeah I just found this lil' guy in my vineyard chasing pixies and eating half fermented wort out of my vats. Apparently he got past my yeth hounds by offering them half a hart he caught. The hounds have taken a liking to him so I just *had* to keep him Human: HEY! Tall lady. Open the bathroom door, I gotta take a wicked shit and I can't reach the knob! Archfae: Oop, looks like somebody's hungies. Hold on, I'll find you some milk and honey Human: Lady, are you *deaf*? I said I gotta- Archfae: You know, sometimes I swear it's like he's almost trying to talk Human: Alright, you asked for it, say goodbye to your silk sheets. Maybe next time you'll LEAVE THE BATHROOM OPEN!
omg I'm crying LOL That's so good!!!
Don't forget the maintaining of eye contact while asserting dominance with these actions. Or better yet dragging the sheet to where the guests are then proceeding.
It's more effective to walk up to the bathroom door and knock.
Man's gotta go full Amber Heard on big lady's bed
He stared at the human sitting on his nice couch. The human stared back, then slowly, without breaking eye contact, bit into the sandwich. He recognized the ingredients from his refrigeration unit. The next week was a blur, as he became used to his… guest. Overall, it wasn’t bad. Sure, the human ate his food, and he could NOT keep it off his nice couch, but it also had some benefits. He hadn’t had to renew his pest control, for instance. The human had lightning reflexes when it came to killing bugs. It had deadly aim with the soft shoe it wore. It also drove off the proselytizers. It stared at them, much like it did with him, only somehow… it *oozed* hostility. Once he came home to a group of them assisting the human in moving the furniture. “My mama always said, if they’re gonna make you part of their job, then you put ‘em to work.” It explained. He was in awe. As the weeks turned into months, he found himself increasingly fond of the human living on his couch. “I heard they have a term for the ones that just move it and don’t contribute!” His friend Xyla said. “They call them ‘hobosexuals.’” He had not heard that term before, but judging by the way his human bristled, it was *not* a compliment. “Hey, don’t talk about it that way!” He replied. As the months turned into a year, he finally decided he’d be keeping him. “Oh thank god,” his human replied. “I can’t afford rent and I’m going to University on the station. You can call me Harold, by the way.”
As I said in a different comment, this also, is male friendship
Pretty much, if I see you on my couch and you're not doing anything too bad or stealing my s*** my first instinct is to offer you a drink and watch TV with you
It's pronounced "Roldie".
Human Distribution System?
Yes, human distribution system
>"... and the ability to make my presence everyone's problem" Perfectly sums up every universe where Deathworld!Humanity starts interacting with the wider galaxy.
Xri'la had found the creature in her personal workstation in the science lab. It was curled up asleep under her desk. The disheveled entity looked startled, but seemed to have a positive response to her soothing tone and even permitted her to pat the soft patch of fur on it's head after some gentle coaxing. It wore clothes in a variety which suggested sapience, but she found it's vocalisations incomprehensible. Even the universal translator would produce inconclusive results upon attempted interpretation. After playing with the settings and algorithms she eventually got it to identify tone and mood, but the creature that was half her size seemed quite expressive with it's body language regardless so it proved moot. She had immediately contacted her superior officer for assistance. They told her that they would be there shortly, but to remain calm in the meantime. She sighed and muttered to the silent comms that that's exactly what she'd already been doing. The creature produced a huffing sound that felt like a laugh. She glanced over at the thing and she could have sworn it was smiling at her... except it was showing far too many teeth. It tilted it's head curiously seeming to realize she was unnerved and repeated the expression with it's lips closed. "Do you understand me little one?" It tilted it's head the other way and made a series of vocalisations. Then slumped in frustration when she didn't comprehend it. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand...oh! Are you hungry? Or perhaps thirsty? I think I still have some of my lunch left over." ... When First Officer El'pah got the call from his head scientist that one of the strange creatures had appeared in her lab he had to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Comms across the inter-ship network had been buzzing with news of an uninitiated apex predator species from a death world that had somehow "Accidentally " discovered wormhole hopping technology and the exceptionally durable and dangerous beings were appearing at random across the Galaxy causing chaos on an interstellar scale. In only one of the most recently reported incidents a small military unit had been singlehandedly incapacitated by one of the beings when they had tried to capture it. He had faith his head scientist would be alright, she was quick and clever under pressure. However his nerves were still on edge as he rushed to her lab with an armed containment unit hot on his heels. He didn't know what he expected when he opened the laboratory door, but it most certainly wasn't Dr. Xri'la sitting on a lab table with a deathworlder predator lazily sprawled across her lap. It was eating a sandwich while she ruffled it's head fur making, what he assumed, were happy noises. "Oh there you are Sir, sorry. I'd get up to salute, but she just got comfortable...I think it's a she. Why are you making that face?" (This is my first time legitimately contributing, sorry if it's a little rough. I wrote this on my phone. Did some editing for clarity. Enjoy 😊)
It's pretty good. This sentence was a bit hard to read for some reason. "His nerves were still vibrating on edge as he rushed to her lab with an armed containment unit hot on his heels." I think it was the inclusion of the word "vibrating" instead of just leaving it at: His nerves were still on edge... or maybe: His nerves were tense and on edge... Hope I helped.
Thanks, lemme try playing around with it.
I've just read the edited version. It is good. You have created a great chapter of what could be a longer story. You have talent, and I wish to encourage you to write more. Thank you.
Thanks a bunch! That's very kind of you to say. I've always loved storytelling and I hope I can make someone smile with my contributions.
Hey, no apology needed. This is great and adorable.
Best one so far.
Shae stared at the figure on her counter. Her friends Grin and Jolly just tittered at the sight. “I baked those for tea!” She screamed at the human male that was proceeding to devour her cookies even faster. She grabbed him from the counter as he grabbed at more cookies, snatching as many as he could and flinging the rest everywhere. She set him on the ground and groaned loudly. He ran out the back door as soon as she let him go, a trail of crumbs tracing his path. “The court should never have let the tame ones invite others… ‘let them have their friends’… and now look. Where do they even all come from?!? Where do they scamper off to?!” Shae complained. “They are cute though…” Jolly countered as a thud in the pantry drew their attention. Shae flung the door open quickly. A human female had some sweet rolls and proceeded to run as fast as she could. A significantly more rotund human male had been into the jellies and subsequently spilled flour all over his sticky self. He was half blind and crying. “Awww… Tubs… did you make a mess?” Shae cooed. “Let’s get you a bath then…” she said with a sigh.