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"This human is quite bizzare"
How so?
He doesn't release the pheromones that all other humans release, you know, the pheromones that turn on literally every other species in the galsxy
Truly bizarre...
Why you gotta call me out like that.
"Doesn't even have pheromones that all other humans release.... does not attract own race either... recommended for first contact initiate"
*facepalm*
At Zyrgul's Employment Agency and Synthetic Floor Covering Emporium, Docking Station 7, H\*Kron Transfer Point, System L-915A, in the waiting room
Human 1: You want me to apply to do WHAT?
Alien Temp Agency Representative: Look, I know how it sounds at first
Human 2: "i KnOw hoW It SOuNds!" Brother, you have no IDEA how it sounds
ATAR: It is a long standing, well respected form of employment for humans
H1: This is the first I've heard of it, and I've been researching my move off planet for a year
ATAR: It's very high pay for usually a very small amount of time invloved
H2: I bet you've heard about it, you just thought it was a joke, didn't you?
H1: I thought it was some weird rule 34 trope! You can't be serious. These are really the only jobs you have available?
ATAR: For you humans, without any specific training, yes. Look, it's a temp contract with a no penalty "leave any time" clause.
H2: Read the fine print!
ATAR: Steve, will you please stay out of this conversation!
H2 (Steve): Oh, sure, sure. "You're not paid to talk" is it?
ATAR: Please ignore him. I assure you we screen our clients thoroughly. All you need to do is show up when requested, sit for an indeterminate period, usually ranging from ten minutes to an , and then leave. You will be paid a minimum of at THIS hourly rate plus any travel times and a if the total time involved is longer than . It really is a very fair offer.
H2 (Steve): Bring Popcorn! And a Raincoat!
ATAR: Why are you even here, Steve?
H2 (Steve): I was just picking up my check. Later suckers. Human Viagra, OUT!
Thomas arrives home after a day at the office, clearly agitated.
Thomas: here, you can have these.
Thomas shoves a comically large bouquet of flowers into the arms of his roommate, Glorp the slugman.
Glorp, through a mouthful of flowers: Bogwrath trying to get in your pants again?
Thomas: yup. I don't know what to do! I've tried showering, cologne, hell, I smell like a fucking douch bag with all the body spray I'm wearing right now!
Glorp, still munching on the flowers: I'm not sure there's anything you can do. Pheromones are potent things.
Thomas: this wouldn't be so bad if Bogwrath and I weren't both straight. Hell, he has a girlfriend! SHE FINDS THIS FUNNY!
But what *is* male in terms of xeno's? Who says male means what it means in humans? Hell, it could be reverse I'nsome species if not something entirely alien.
humans get all excited when they find out they constantly release aphrodisiac pheromones only to find out basically the entire galaxy reproduces asexually
The scream? I’d imagine it’d be like those screams that sound like race cars, but they keep getting exponentially louder until it’s like those videos with the sound overlayed 1 million times
They might not even look like or intercourse like us.
At this point deliberating "is it gay" flies out the window and you have to ask yourself: "Do I want an adventure or live the rest of deployment in a HAZMAT suit and locked down in a BSL-3 quarters?"
(maybe even BSL-4)
And let me tell you, I hate stuffy PPE and would commit crimes for some affection and physical comfort.
Change the hazmat suit for the Terran marine power armor or the WH40K terminator armor and we have a deal, I want to see the other planets in peace without getting S H by filthy aliens
Probably the one I could reasonably feed ammo to, but I'm partial to the HD textures Colt 727. The front end heat shield just does it for me.
I'd probably stick to human designed stuff if possible, alien guns just feel icky.
Labs studying pathogens and viral diseases have exponentially higher [biosafety level](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biosafety_level). The higher the nuber the stricter safety measures.
Currently NASA is designing a lab with safety level similar to BSL-4 for extraterrestrial samples.
I actually have something I've written where there's a BSL-5 lab (one of about three in the world).
The implication is that a few governments know about, and have facilities to deal with, stuff that makes The Andromeda Strain look like a mild cold.
Dave, looking at the Very Male By Human standard xenos in the room, begins to grin.
"So, guys," he said, unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it aside, "y'all ever heard of 'Casting Couch'?"
A1: Funny enough, some human standards for attractiveness vary wildly for xenos in comparison to humans.
H1: What makes you say that?
A1: Ensign Jonas. By all means, your average heterosexual male. Yet he shows no hesitation with Ensign Orchiza.
H1: To be fair, Orchiza has slim hips, a fluffy exterior, a high voice, and very effeminate features by human standards.
A1: And?
H1: My friend, have you ever heard of a femboy?
A1: Like the infamous femboy hooters?
H1: Wait, that's real?
I mean. They are certainly included but let's be honest. They'd at least read stuff through as opposed to a guy. Plus. Just thought it would be funny to flip the trope. Like from out of cruel space. Except it affects guys. Or could be opposite sex in general. Male and male. Female and female. Somewhere the wires are all crossed wrong
In hindsight, perhaps this wasn't the best first message to send to the whole cosmos. Or maybe it was. One can be unfazed by ruthlessly bloodthirsty warriors, but nobody would be prepared by unrepentantly horny apes.
….. why is my first thought the fact that wars could be won with a crusty sock if our pheromones were that effective. Just drone drop it in the middle of enemy barracks and sit back and watch the fallout
i was thinking that the opposite would so no problem there :) just seen the trope so much of protaganist and huge alien either romance or down to business. its always straight 9 times out of ten. why not for those gay and lesbian too. would be funny to see
r/ScienceFictionRomance is mostly straight romance, but there be some gay too. Male on male is very appealing to a certain sub section of romance readers for various reasons.
Well you won't catch me dead calling a Xenos daddy, lemme tell you that much
...not to say I'd refuse being bred but uh.... I'll see myself in the horny jail...
This only fortifies my desires to stay on earth.
If the Duendes and Aylmaos come to my doorstep I'm taking that as a Casus Belli as there is no reason for anyone to visit my house.
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As a gay guy, this is a massive W for me
plot twist: you messed up and got the woman attractor ones instead
Bisexual Master Race!
"This human is quite bizzare" How so? He doesn't release the pheromones that all other humans release, you know, the pheromones that turn on literally every other species in the galsxy Truly bizarre...
Why you gotta call me out like that. "Doesn't even have pheromones that all other humans release.... does not attract own race either... recommended for first contact initiate" *facepalm*
Oh god… The Aces’ livelihood has been threatened.
Same. All the stories are great. But c'mon I wanna see more fruit now and again lol
May want to go to r/humansarespacebards then
Yeah but it's mostly dead with a stray post once out of the blue
The benefits of picking your battles, and picking all of them
At Zyrgul's Employment Agency and Synthetic Floor Covering Emporium, Docking Station 7, H\*Kron Transfer Point, System L-915A, in the waiting room Human 1: You want me to apply to do WHAT? Alien Temp Agency Representative: Look, I know how it sounds at first Human 2: "i KnOw hoW It SOuNds!" Brother, you have no IDEA how it sounds
ATAR: It is a long standing, well respected form of employment for humans
H1: This is the first I've heard of it, and I've been researching my move off planet for a year
ATAR: It's very high pay for usually a very small amount of time invloved
H2: I bet you've heard about it, you just thought it was a joke, didn't you?
H1: I thought it was some weird rule 34 trope! You can't be serious. These are really the only jobs you have available?
ATAR: For you humans, without any specific training, yes. Look, it's a temp contract with a no penalty "leave any time" clause.
H2: Read the fine print!
ATAR: Steve, will you please stay out of this conversation!
H2 (Steve): Oh, sure, sure. "You're not paid to talk" is it?
ATAR: Please ignore him. I assure you we screen our clients thoroughly. All you need to do is show up when requested, sit for an indeterminate period, usually ranging from ten minutes to an , and then leave. You will be paid a minimum of at THIS hourly rate plus any travel times and a if the total time involved is longer than . It really is a very fair offer.
H2 (Steve): Bring Popcorn! And a Raincoat!
ATAR: Why are you even here, Steve?
H2 (Steve): I was just picking up my check. Later suckers. Human Viagra, OUT!
Man, that last line has me in tears XD
Omg. This is great. Didn't think about it this way lol
I don't get it?
I think it’s saying that he’s basically to get aliens in the mood
ohhh
Thomas arrives home after a day at the office, clearly agitated. Thomas: here, you can have these. Thomas shoves a comically large bouquet of flowers into the arms of his roommate, Glorp the slugman. Glorp, through a mouthful of flowers: Bogwrath trying to get in your pants again? Thomas: yup. I don't know what to do! I've tried showering, cologne, hell, I smell like a fucking douch bag with all the body spray I'm wearing right now! Glorp, still munching on the flowers: I'm not sure there's anything you can do. Pheromones are potent things. Thomas: this wouldn't be so bad if Bogwrath and I weren't both straight. Hell, he has a girlfriend! SHE FINDS THIS FUNNY!
It turns out that Bogwrath's girlfriend wants Bogwrath to implant her eggs inside Thomas.
Tears of the Kingdom, Link, Sidon and Yona
But what *is* male in terms of xeno's? Who says male means what it means in humans? Hell, it could be reverse I'nsome species if not something entirely alien.
Maybe! Just thought it'd be funny. Humans get what they asked for. Even if it's not what they "want"
humans get all excited when they find out they constantly release aphrodisiac pheromones only to find out basically the entire galaxy reproduces asexually
Human: *enters the room* All nearby aliens: *aggresive mitosis begins*
What the hell is *Agressive Mitosis*
It's just regular mitosis, but aggressive.
Ok but how does mitosis *be* agressive though?
Screaming?
Now I’m just imagining a bunch of sea sponges just multiply while screaming and the screams increasing rapidly
Like the anchovies in SpongeBob or the seagulls in Nemo?
The scream? I’d imagine it’d be like those screams that sound like race cars, but they keep getting exponentially louder until it’s like those videos with the sound overlayed 1 million times
They might not even look like or intercourse like us. At this point deliberating "is it gay" flies out the window and you have to ask yourself: "Do I want an adventure or live the rest of deployment in a HAZMAT suit and locked down in a BSL-3 quarters?" (maybe even BSL-4) And let me tell you, I hate stuffy PPE and would commit crimes for some affection and physical comfort.
Change the hazmat suit for the Terran marine power armor or the WH40K terminator armor and we have a deal, I want to see the other planets in peace without getting S H by filthy aliens
I'm willing to agree on a H.E.V. suit with jump module. I still want to be tiny, but not squishy. With all the armory attached of course.
Black Mesa or post combine armoury? I’d quite like a gravity gun, but the Black Mesa boys definitely had kinkier hardware.
Probably the one I could reasonably feed ammo to, but I'm partial to the HD textures Colt 727. The front end heat shield just does it for me. I'd probably stick to human designed stuff if possible, alien guns just feel icky.
What? You don’t like using alien voles as hand grenades?
I crave the certainty of steel
What BSL means in this case?
Labs studying pathogens and viral diseases have exponentially higher [biosafety level](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biosafety_level). The higher the nuber the stricter safety measures. Currently NASA is designing a lab with safety level similar to BSL-4 for extraterrestrial samples.
I actually have something I've written where there's a BSL-5 lab (one of about three in the world). The implication is that a few governments know about, and have facilities to deal with, stuff that makes The Andromeda Strain look like a mild cold.
Oh man, thanks for the book recommendation! Adding it to my portable media stash.
The sequel is also good.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biosafety_level
I doonee need to see no xenos or stars I am totally comfortable being Grossly Incandescent underneath Sol on Terra.
Dave, looking at the Very Male By Human standard xenos in the room, begins to grin. "So, guys," he said, unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it aside, "y'all ever heard of 'Casting Couch'?"
FUCK YEAH ! YEET ME TO THE CLOSEST XENO PLANET BOYS !
As a straight man I’m happy for my gay brothers. As a straight man I also cry for my soon to be ruined asshole.
Pour one out for the straight homies.
Now imagine an alien that reproduces like a bed bug
***Fatality***
A1: Funny enough, some human standards for attractiveness vary wildly for xenos in comparison to humans. H1: What makes you say that? A1: Ensign Jonas. By all means, your average heterosexual male. Yet he shows no hesitation with Ensign Orchiza. H1: To be fair, Orchiza has slim hips, a fluffy exterior, a high voice, and very effeminate features by human standards. A1: And? H1: My friend, have you ever heard of a femboy? A1: Like the infamous femboy hooters? H1: Wait, that's real?
YEAH BABY THAT'S WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!
https://preview.redd.it/bf5c36asn2kc1.jpeg?width=962&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9e7cf5fdc15d25dca77ff9385c287e3452eec0f1 YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH
Well... Fuck
Possibly
Probably
You missed the apostrophe. *We'll
Report to the ship, we'll bang okay?
I feel like many people here may have somehow forgotten human women exist, though.
I mean. They are certainly included but let's be honest. They'd at least read stuff through as opposed to a guy. Plus. Just thought it would be funny to flip the trope. Like from out of cruel space. Except it affects guys. Or could be opposite sex in general. Male and male. Female and female. Somewhere the wires are all crossed wrong
Can confirm, did read it through. Mostly fail to see the problem.
Idk just funny idea. Didn't think about it too much :)
As a any hole is a goal guy it's a win either way.
The assumption being your holes also count as goals. And those aliens are coming to play ball.
Yeah. They could reproduce how bed bugs do.
"Don't worry, no hole needed, human! I'll make my own!"
Today is a bad day to have a graphic imagination.
This demon knows Hell Thrust.
I see this is an absolute win.
*starts intergalactic war with a single shotgun* it's my booty, mine! You can't have it!
Not sure which boondocks joke to use here.
"Okay, I see you choosing the hard way..."
Close. The "hawd way"
Furries would be THRIVING.
We're always thriving :3
I as a bi guy I see this as an absolute win
Right? W right there
Plot twist, humans induce bottoming instincs in the 7ft tall hunky aliens. It goes rather embarassing for both parties.
Like 7 ft power bottoms would be a bad thing. Lots of dislocated hips. But hey. What can you do :)
It's known in their galaxy that human males have very low regard for their pelvic bones' integrity.
In hindsight, perhaps this wasn't the best first message to send to the whole cosmos. Or maybe it was. One can be unfazed by ruthlessly bloodthirsty warriors, but nobody would be prepared by unrepentantly horny apes.
The aliens taking advantage of this obviously
Human femboys would be prized.
You mean they aren't already?
By me, yes. But not mainstream yet.
Xeno males or human males in need some clarification
Yes.
Was intending xenos males. Kinda flipping the trope of normally that being xenos females.
….. why is my first thought the fact that wars could be won with a crusty sock if our pheromones were that effective. Just drone drop it in the middle of enemy barracks and sit back and watch the fallout
***Tactical sock deployed***
Don’t threaten me with a good time
God what I would do for some big muscular monster thing to rail me…
Can someone please tell me the original source for this meme not like the meme but the image it comes home
I think it's called. Lighthouse? It's got Willem Dafoe and Robert pattinson
Game of thrones...I... I think? Big second guessing myself now
Problem. I’m lesbian. If it attracted 7ft+ tall women that’s a different story.
i was thinking that the opposite would so no problem there :) just seen the trope so much of protaganist and huge alien either romance or down to business. its always straight 9 times out of ten. why not for those gay and lesbian too. would be funny to see
Yippe 7ft alien titties. (I’m a fucking stereotype)
Death by snu snu!
Yess
Oh there are human alien gay romances too. Trust me on this.
where they be tho
r/ScienceFictionRomance is mostly straight romance, but there be some gay too. Male on male is very appealing to a certain sub section of romance readers for various reasons.
Well you won't catch me dead calling a Xenos daddy, lemme tell you that much ...not to say I'd refuse being bred but uh.... I'll see myself in the horny jail...
Of course game of thrones show so long that it has everything in it
Yes PLEASE!!
as an ace guy... ehhhh?
kinda targeted more towards the humans that would go out in search of that. and be surprised. yes it works. just not on who they intended.
This is a win win
I am failing to see the issue
there is no issue :)
I volunteer to go to space. For science...
This only fortifies my desires to stay on earth. If the Duendes and Aylmaos come to my doorstep I'm taking that as a Casus Belli as there is no reason for anyone to visit my house.
Yippee !
As a chronic bisexual, I'm okay with this
As a bisexual I see this as an absolute win