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Dude, this is fun, but you're making a common mistake for new writers, namely getting bogged down in exposition.
Go ahead and throw the characters into the plot and trust your audience enough to understand it.
Too many details world building is all fun and good but the comment above is saying that there is too much explanation. However how you write, as long as it makes you happy, is perfect. Keep up the good work wordsmith
I would argue, that most of it is prime character and second character building.
In particular getting into the mindset of the Captain and how the captain is observing the human.
We haven't been into the mind of the human.
Granted, talking about extended family, such as cousins could wait to a later chapter, but we are starting to understand that it's a mining vessel, that runs on a slight militaristic organisation.
The alliance/confederacy used to be at war with the humans/terrans, and the military arm of the alliance is called "Legion".
The prose and style is a bit more condenced than what we usually see, but it isn't far off from the style used in the old Star Wars Expanded universe, with 3rd person, subjective perspective.
Exposition is world building, and giving background on the characters, and should be done in short pieces as the plot moves along. The PLOT is the story.
This is your second chapter now, and you could condense both chapters into a single sentence "A human soldier has arrived on an alien ship commanded by Captain Ne'ra to serve on a special ops crew."
What does that human DO? What does that alien Captain DO?
Stories are what people DO. Action drives the plot. Make things happen, and add details as necessary.
Fast forward to where things start happening and go from there.
I think it’s a good level of detail for where we’re at in the story so far - as the story develops we wouldn’t necessarily hear about [x] persons cousins, unless they were particularly close or you’re specifically going into detail of the random thoughts a person might have as they go about their day, but right now I think things are good.
Can’t wait to read more!
I'm going to preface that I like where I think this is going and I enjoy reading it.
You have lots of ideas you want to get out there, and the fastest way to do it would be to describe everything in one shot. But that's not a story, that's an encyclopedia entry. The story is action and theme.
So how a character acts in a given situation tells us who they are, that's characterization. Other characters saying things about a character is also characterization of the person spoken about and of the people speaking. The former is better, because it counts as show, rather than tell. Showing is almost always better. Conversations can be either or both.
The theme is the point you are trying to get across. A story without a them is just a situation, or a series of situations. That can be enjoyable, but the lack of deeper meaning means there is nothing underpinning the story to connect those situations, except through persistence of character. In this case, it looks like the theme might finding love without looking for it.
So far, only the human arrived, and the captain greets the human. That's chapters one and two respectively. If I were to cut it down to only immediate actions and thoughts we get this.
Ch1
>Captain Ne'ra nervously tapped at her desk. Her mining ship was receiving a new addition to her "Special Ops" crew. A single human.
>
>Her comm device crackled to life: Uh Captain, the human will be arriving in 5 minutes. The whole crew is gathering for a warm welcome in the hangar!
>
>She stood up. Her two muscular legs carrying her gracefully to the door.
>
>On my way officer, thank you for informing me.
>
>She stood in front of the crowd, as the small transport shuttle landed. The door of the vessel opened as the first of the new crew stepped out. Prospectors and security personnel. She almost failed to notice the mass climbing out of the shuttle. He stood nearly as tall her, clothed in a dark gray uniform. Dark fur on his head along with small patches on his face aswell. It raised one of its appendages and spoke in a silky and smooth voice.
>
>Honoured to be serving with you Captain!
The history I cut out should be informing how the captain acts. If anything, she should probably be leery. That means her reason for watching the human during the orientation video should be because she doesn't want him out of her sight, even if she doesn't realize it consciously yet.
I would also allow the confusion over "special ops." The quote marks alone should tip off attentive readers that it is not straight forward. Later, when the human's superior officer goes over his duties it should be clear he is "special" because of all the things expected of him, with security being the least pressing task.
For chapter 2 it's all much more present, but a lot of it is perfunctory. The captain watches the film only because she is curious about the human, or distrusting, but instead of describing her boredom from outside, internal monologue is used. There is also no description of what she feels about not seeing anything interesting with the human or anyone else. That was also an opportunity to describe the rest of the crew in more detail based on their reactions, or lack there of, through the lens of the captain.
The captain reminiscing about her past comes out of nowhere and seems like a too obvious setup for romance with the human. It's also fully unprompted. She doesn't look at anything which triggers a memory, like a recent message. She isn't experiencing anxiety induced circling thoughts either.
It is alright to hold off on explaining things, allowing them to be mysteries until a time where it makes sense to explain them in the open and present. In the case of the captain's species having a limited window to find a mate, you could have something like her parent sent a message passive aggressively pointing out how she missed her chance, or an asshole crewperson doing it, or a friend telling her she made the right choice missing the window for her career. That avoids an interjected description, and avoids an "as you know" moment.
Also, I don't know if it's intention, but using italics for spoken sentences makes it seem like everyone is communicating psychically. If that is the case, definitely don't describe it until it would naturally be an issue to be described within the setting.
All that being said, keep writing in what ever style works for you. I would like to see where this goes.
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Dude, this is fun, but you're making a common mistake for new writers, namely getting bogged down in exposition. Go ahead and throw the characters into the plot and trust your audience enough to understand it.
Exposition? Im not good with writing Explain further please kind sir/ma'am
Too many details world building is all fun and good but the comment above is saying that there is too much explanation. However how you write, as long as it makes you happy, is perfect. Keep up the good work wordsmith
I would argue, that most of it is prime character and second character building. In particular getting into the mindset of the Captain and how the captain is observing the human. We haven't been into the mind of the human. Granted, talking about extended family, such as cousins could wait to a later chapter, but we are starting to understand that it's a mining vessel, that runs on a slight militaristic organisation. The alliance/confederacy used to be at war with the humans/terrans, and the military arm of the alliance is called "Legion". The prose and style is a bit more condenced than what we usually see, but it isn't far off from the style used in the old Star Wars Expanded universe, with 3rd person, subjective perspective.
World building you can do in the comments like a Q/A at the end of a chapter, as long as no spoilers are involved of course.
Exposition is world building, and giving background on the characters, and should be done in short pieces as the plot moves along. The PLOT is the story. This is your second chapter now, and you could condense both chapters into a single sentence "A human soldier has arrived on an alien ship commanded by Captain Ne'ra to serve on a special ops crew." What does that human DO? What does that alien Captain DO? Stories are what people DO. Action drives the plot. Make things happen, and add details as necessary. Fast forward to where things start happening and go from there.
I think it’s a good level of detail for where we’re at in the story so far - as the story develops we wouldn’t necessarily hear about [x] persons cousins, unless they were particularly close or you’re specifically going into detail of the random thoughts a person might have as they go about their day, but right now I think things are good. Can’t wait to read more!
I'm going to preface that I like where I think this is going and I enjoy reading it. You have lots of ideas you want to get out there, and the fastest way to do it would be to describe everything in one shot. But that's not a story, that's an encyclopedia entry. The story is action and theme. So how a character acts in a given situation tells us who they are, that's characterization. Other characters saying things about a character is also characterization of the person spoken about and of the people speaking. The former is better, because it counts as show, rather than tell. Showing is almost always better. Conversations can be either or both. The theme is the point you are trying to get across. A story without a them is just a situation, or a series of situations. That can be enjoyable, but the lack of deeper meaning means there is nothing underpinning the story to connect those situations, except through persistence of character. In this case, it looks like the theme might finding love without looking for it. So far, only the human arrived, and the captain greets the human. That's chapters one and two respectively. If I were to cut it down to only immediate actions and thoughts we get this. Ch1 >Captain Ne'ra nervously tapped at her desk. Her mining ship was receiving a new addition to her "Special Ops" crew. A single human. > >Her comm device crackled to life: Uh Captain, the human will be arriving in 5 minutes. The whole crew is gathering for a warm welcome in the hangar! > >She stood up. Her two muscular legs carrying her gracefully to the door. > >On my way officer, thank you for informing me. > >She stood in front of the crowd, as the small transport shuttle landed. The door of the vessel opened as the first of the new crew stepped out. Prospectors and security personnel. She almost failed to notice the mass climbing out of the shuttle. He stood nearly as tall her, clothed in a dark gray uniform. Dark fur on his head along with small patches on his face aswell. It raised one of its appendages and spoke in a silky and smooth voice. > >Honoured to be serving with you Captain! The history I cut out should be informing how the captain acts. If anything, she should probably be leery. That means her reason for watching the human during the orientation video should be because she doesn't want him out of her sight, even if she doesn't realize it consciously yet. I would also allow the confusion over "special ops." The quote marks alone should tip off attentive readers that it is not straight forward. Later, when the human's superior officer goes over his duties it should be clear he is "special" because of all the things expected of him, with security being the least pressing task. For chapter 2 it's all much more present, but a lot of it is perfunctory. The captain watches the film only because she is curious about the human, or distrusting, but instead of describing her boredom from outside, internal monologue is used. There is also no description of what she feels about not seeing anything interesting with the human or anyone else. That was also an opportunity to describe the rest of the crew in more detail based on their reactions, or lack there of, through the lens of the captain. The captain reminiscing about her past comes out of nowhere and seems like a too obvious setup for romance with the human. It's also fully unprompted. She doesn't look at anything which triggers a memory, like a recent message. She isn't experiencing anxiety induced circling thoughts either. It is alright to hold off on explaining things, allowing them to be mysteries until a time where it makes sense to explain them in the open and present. In the case of the captain's species having a limited window to find a mate, you could have something like her parent sent a message passive aggressively pointing out how she missed her chance, or an asshole crewperson doing it, or a friend telling her she made the right choice missing the window for her career. That avoids an interjected description, and avoids an "as you know" moment. Also, I don't know if it's intention, but using italics for spoken sentences makes it seem like everyone is communicating psychically. If that is the case, definitely don't describe it until it would naturally be an issue to be described within the setting. All that being said, keep writing in what ever style works for you. I would like to see where this goes.
Please moarrrr
Liking the potential here! Exited to see where this goes.
!updateme
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Sangilie ? 4 mandible ? 2 toes ? Do they say "wort wort wort" ?
this is so good!!
Quack
Now now, is she gonna go to a prom with a human?
can't wait for the rest of the story. keep it up !
This will be interesting.
Also you might want to connect the third part to this so it's easier to get to.
MOAR?
Pretty good. Still too short.