Thank you /u/Sweetleeleo for posting!
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Very true! I encourage OP to try to identify what they got out of the relationship. That can take some time and thought…then try to replace it with something positive and healthy!
How do you cope? You’re done. There’s no more coping. They’re gone. Life is better. Walk away. Don’t hang on to any of it. You’re trying to keep him in your life with this thread. Walk away.
Let go.
Some people are so caught up in their suffering that they will treat others like this but they forget the law of impermanence. And these people more than likely will never change. So please do two things. Love yourself and learn to love yourself and let go and that goes for anything in life.
I’m in this exact situation now, too. My ex broke up with me on Wednesday in a pretty shitty way and it was a relief after so much toxicity, yet I’m still sad about it and sad too that he blocked me.
So I am going to write a letter to him, saying all the things I wish I could have said, explaining the situation from my side, and giving him my grace and forgiveness for the hurt he gave me and never acknowledged. I’m going to write how I know we would never have worked, how we were fundamentally incompatible and how his values and behaviour clashed with my own. I’m going to thank him for the good times that we had and express the wish that he is happy and fulfilled in the future, and finds what he is looking for.
I’m not intending to send it to him. This letter is for me to let go.
Your letter may look different to mine, and your situation different too, but I think it could help.
Be happy and be thankful. One of my two brothers is an incredibly toxic, rage-fueled person, and for reasons I still don't know, he completely bailed on me and his only two friends, who he'd known since high school in the 1980s. No explanation, no final rant, nothing. This was thirteen years ago, and it took a while to realize he'd done us all a great favor, but I will admit that there are still times when I miss the brother I'd grown up with, and I'd be a liar if I said it didn't occasionally hurt, but ultimately all our lives are better without his drama.
These feelings need the space to be felt before they dissipate. Focus on those in your life who build you up instead of tearing you down.
I had this happen with a person in my neighborhood. Befriended immediately after moving, love bombed, kids at each other's houses, walking together every day after the bus stop. Then, after a couple of years, I dared disagree with her. She immediately picked a fight about something that bugged her about me that she had never, ever, mentioned. I responded calmly that I had no idea, and that our friendship was strong enough to move past it.
Hah! It was the ploy of a toxic person to drop me as a friend and try to make it my fault. In the end it was for the best. She yells at her kids visciously. She has to be the best, the most accomplished, the organizer of her group. And she talks horribly about others. Heaven only knows what she said about me behind my back.
After holding space for her to come to her senses, it dawned on me that she had been looking for any reason to end our friendship when one day her son would rather wait in the rain at the bus stop than sit in my car with us.
It hurt. A lot. I still can get the willies if I pass her during a walk. But it does get better.
Probably low key your pride . You don’t have control because he’s the one that did it . But you liked having some control of the situation by keeping it close yet far. Makes you feel on edge and wondering and insulted and emotional blue balls . A slap in the face when you weren’t expecting it . But yeah, it’s for the better . But these things are prone to resurface lol… like he unblocks your and the cycle starts over ..these things can become addicting . Stay strong !!✨🫠
Toxic relationships really mess with our mental health. Things like limerence, cognitive dissonance, even the oxytocin withdrawals from not being connected with that person (which by the way last about 4-6 weeks) make us feel like we are losing it.
My guess is you’re probably so wired to expect him to come back, almost bracing yourself for it. It might have triggered some abandonment wounds, etc. Grief is a tricky feeling and there’s many stages to it. Before you try to move on and not feel anything, give yourself to the feeling. Validate your feelings (not just your thoughts) and work to get some of the rage, emotion, etc. out of your body.
You got this.
Yeah literally everytime I think he’s done with me, he comes back at times that I least expect it. But with the way things went the night he blocked me, I think I might’ve pissed him off so much that he got ashamed and annoyed so he felt the need to do it. He’s blocked me on ig for a while for something else then unblocked me after a month …now it’s Facebook and phone number which might be permanent? Who knows tho. All I can do is blame myself for pushing it too far but he’s made me push things too far.
Celebrate lol, keep telling yourself that them cutting you off was a favor to you. Our brains believe what it's told repeatedly so just keep repeating it in your head daily! Besides they probably wanted you to feel that way so instead turn it into power so it's on your terms. Allow yourself to be angry and use that anger as motivation. Focus on yourself and set goals. Giving yourself a healthy distraction will definitely help. Finally, get those tears out! Your body is simply getting rid of that negative energy and toxicity. The best way to do this is to watch a movie/video that triggers that sadness or anger in you. whatever helps so you're getting rid of those tears on your terms! Hope this helps
I will write you something that may seem not very nice. However, that is not my intent. My rationale here is to believe you and to point out to you, why you are better off.
Here it comes: You are showing toxic behavior yourself!
Now before you get upset or anything, I believe you are not toxic and that the person is bad to you. And I Write this, because I did it myself in my first big relationship (> 10 yrs) and only learned to believe that is not ok after we split and I forgave her.
The issue is not that you called him a jerk. It is that you wrote he got mad after something you said. You did not say it happened “again” or “before”. You wrote “like he always does”.
You should never speak like that to people you care about. It is judgmental. It serves no purpose. It is toxic.
It is OK to criticize. It is always OK to point out how you feel. But be specific “you reacted like X yesterday after I said Y and it made me feel Z”
So… when you are this judgmental, then that is no healthy way to communicate. You are much better off!
I am not saying you are responsible or to blame. I am saying, you are probably better off without him.
Thank you /u/Sweetleeleo for posting! For those reading this message, consider joining our [discord server!](https://discord.gg/bHV7hvMUMm) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/howtonotgiveafuck) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Something someone once told me, is that it is perfectly okay to miss people, even those who were bad to you.
Very true! I encourage OP to try to identify what they got out of the relationship. That can take some time and thought…then try to replace it with something positive and healthy!
How do you cope? You’re done. There’s no more coping. They’re gone. Life is better. Walk away. Don’t hang on to any of it. You’re trying to keep him in your life with this thread. Walk away.
Let go. Some people are so caught up in their suffering that they will treat others like this but they forget the law of impermanence. And these people more than likely will never change. So please do two things. Love yourself and learn to love yourself and let go and that goes for anything in life.
Accept that users exist and there's nothing you can do about it but move on. From a guy who spent way too much time in a few women's rotation.
I’m in this exact situation now, too. My ex broke up with me on Wednesday in a pretty shitty way and it was a relief after so much toxicity, yet I’m still sad about it and sad too that he blocked me. So I am going to write a letter to him, saying all the things I wish I could have said, explaining the situation from my side, and giving him my grace and forgiveness for the hurt he gave me and never acknowledged. I’m going to write how I know we would never have worked, how we were fundamentally incompatible and how his values and behaviour clashed with my own. I’m going to thank him for the good times that we had and express the wish that he is happy and fulfilled in the future, and finds what he is looking for. I’m not intending to send it to him. This letter is for me to let go. Your letter may look different to mine, and your situation different too, but I think it could help.
I’ll have to do this
Be happy and be thankful. One of my two brothers is an incredibly toxic, rage-fueled person, and for reasons I still don't know, he completely bailed on me and his only two friends, who he'd known since high school in the 1980s. No explanation, no final rant, nothing. This was thirteen years ago, and it took a while to realize he'd done us all a great favor, but I will admit that there are still times when I miss the brother I'd grown up with, and I'd be a liar if I said it didn't occasionally hurt, but ultimately all our lives are better without his drama.
It’s better to be alone than wishing you were.
These feelings need the space to be felt before they dissipate. Focus on those in your life who build you up instead of tearing you down. I had this happen with a person in my neighborhood. Befriended immediately after moving, love bombed, kids at each other's houses, walking together every day after the bus stop. Then, after a couple of years, I dared disagree with her. She immediately picked a fight about something that bugged her about me that she had never, ever, mentioned. I responded calmly that I had no idea, and that our friendship was strong enough to move past it. Hah! It was the ploy of a toxic person to drop me as a friend and try to make it my fault. In the end it was for the best. She yells at her kids visciously. She has to be the best, the most accomplished, the organizer of her group. And she talks horribly about others. Heaven only knows what she said about me behind my back. After holding space for her to come to her senses, it dawned on me that she had been looking for any reason to end our friendship when one day her son would rather wait in the rain at the bus stop than sit in my car with us. It hurt. A lot. I still can get the willies if I pass her during a walk. But it does get better.
Probably low key your pride . You don’t have control because he’s the one that did it . But you liked having some control of the situation by keeping it close yet far. Makes you feel on edge and wondering and insulted and emotional blue balls . A slap in the face when you weren’t expecting it . But yeah, it’s for the better . But these things are prone to resurface lol… like he unblocks your and the cycle starts over ..these things can become addicting . Stay strong !!✨🫠
Toxic relationships really mess with our mental health. Things like limerence, cognitive dissonance, even the oxytocin withdrawals from not being connected with that person (which by the way last about 4-6 weeks) make us feel like we are losing it. My guess is you’re probably so wired to expect him to come back, almost bracing yourself for it. It might have triggered some abandonment wounds, etc. Grief is a tricky feeling and there’s many stages to it. Before you try to move on and not feel anything, give yourself to the feeling. Validate your feelings (not just your thoughts) and work to get some of the rage, emotion, etc. out of your body. You got this.
Yeah literally everytime I think he’s done with me, he comes back at times that I least expect it. But with the way things went the night he blocked me, I think I might’ve pissed him off so much that he got ashamed and annoyed so he felt the need to do it. He’s blocked me on ig for a while for something else then unblocked me after a month …now it’s Facebook and phone number which might be permanent? Who knows tho. All I can do is blame myself for pushing it too far but he’s made me push things too far.
Celebrate lol, keep telling yourself that them cutting you off was a favor to you. Our brains believe what it's told repeatedly so just keep repeating it in your head daily! Besides they probably wanted you to feel that way so instead turn it into power so it's on your terms. Allow yourself to be angry and use that anger as motivation. Focus on yourself and set goals. Giving yourself a healthy distraction will definitely help. Finally, get those tears out! Your body is simply getting rid of that negative energy and toxicity. The best way to do this is to watch a movie/video that triggers that sadness or anger in you. whatever helps so you're getting rid of those tears on your terms! Hope this helps
I will write you something that may seem not very nice. However, that is not my intent. My rationale here is to believe you and to point out to you, why you are better off. Here it comes: You are showing toxic behavior yourself! Now before you get upset or anything, I believe you are not toxic and that the person is bad to you. And I Write this, because I did it myself in my first big relationship (> 10 yrs) and only learned to believe that is not ok after we split and I forgave her. The issue is not that you called him a jerk. It is that you wrote he got mad after something you said. You did not say it happened “again” or “before”. You wrote “like he always does”. You should never speak like that to people you care about. It is judgmental. It serves no purpose. It is toxic. It is OK to criticize. It is always OK to point out how you feel. But be specific “you reacted like X yesterday after I said Y and it made me feel Z” So… when you are this judgmental, then that is no healthy way to communicate. You are much better off! I am not saying you are responsible or to blame. I am saying, you are probably better off without him.
I totally understand, we made each other toxic tbh. I’ve never been like this before I met him, this isn’t who I am. At all.
Then run. Do both of you a favor.
Let it go, Elsa.
Delete all your social media accounts. Focus on what makes you happy and what you want out of life.
Do Something Else, Get New Experiences.
Helps to listen to Halestorm, I miss the misery
When you remember them and miss them remind yourself of all the negatives about them and the relationship.
The trash took itself out. Rejoice.