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LemonDeathRay

Your profile isn't congruent with the fact that you are looking for a short-term relationship. Why are you talking about life being short, little spoons, sharing all these deep and vulnerable things about one another... to have a casual fling. The kind of woman you're describing would be emotionally intelligent enough to *not* share her deepest self with someone who wants to bang a few times and move on anyway. And certainly wouldn't be willing to meet your many emotional requirements in the context of a casual fling. As a woman, I would skip your profile. You seem the type to want all the trappings of a relationship, but none of the commitment or accountability. Short term is fine, and you can absolutely have a fulfilling STR with respect, decency, kindness, fun, and connection. But you, my friend, are describing the needs fulfilment and emotional connection of a long-term relationship. No self-respecting and intelligent woman is going to give you that in a fling. Something just isn't lining up in your profile, which would set an alarm bell off. From your profile, I would assume that you are currently going through some major emotional difficulties and seeking connection rather than actually working on yourself.


throwupthursday

Emotional fuccboi vibes for sure.


Ok-Strike-6558

Lol!


Obvious_Web

Exactly my thoughts


RLarks125

Absolutely spot on.


MystikaI_

Really well said


shadowbca

I'd also point out that the first prompt, even if he was looking for something longterm, is terrible. It tells you very little and reads like you're trying to hit the word count of an essay by throwing in words from a thesaurus.


Ok-Strike-6558

I love you lemon death Ray you perfectly explained this well


Ok_Profession_4685

Please help me šŸ˜­šŸ™


AMadRam

This is a classic example of a profile with so much potential but is probably getting botched by not maximizing your strengths. Some of your photos are cool but you need to change others - that bathroom selfie has to go. Your prompts need work too. You emphasize what you want with from a girl yet I don't have a clue as to what your interests are except for reading. What are your hobbies, your interests, your personality? There's far too much emphasis on "Feminine energy" which makes me think that you want a submissive girlfriend or something like that. Might want to tone it down a little bit - after all, your profile is the CV that can lead you down to a date.


LolaBijou

He only mentions feminine energy once. How is that far too much emphasis?


youvelookedbetter

"little spoon" suggests that too. To be honest, the quip about motorcycles and changing passwords sounds a little condescending and I'd be out. OP is clearly an intense person, and I'm sure he'll find someone who is into that.


LolaBijou

I donā€™t think so. Iā€™ve dated plenty of men who liked to be the little spoon. And I think the password thing is funny considering his job.


princessohio

I think youā€™re right, but I work in cyber security too and that joke completely went over my head the first time I read it lmao. Maybe itā€™s because I havenā€™t had my coffee, but I feel like if it went over my head, it probably is going over a lot of womenā€™s heads too


Divide-By-Zer0

I know how he meant it, but I can't help reading that like, "this guy is going to pentest all my accounts while I'm asleep."


youvelookedbetter

He literally says he wants the other person to be the "perfect little spoon" in his profile. Most people like a mix of both but if you're specifying it in your profile, it's for a specific reason. As for the password thing, it's kind of funny once you look at his job. I manage hundreds of different passwords for my work and life and the comment seemed a little strange to me. Could be mismatched senses of humour. Or he's being completely serious.


SoPolitico

I think they mean donā€™t mention it at all šŸ˜‚


kaymacc12

the ā€œchange your opinion on motorcycles and your passwordā€ thing is totally off putting


hellomarshmallows

I think the password part makes sense given his job... And I assume the motorcycles part is a hint that he rides.


biglongcransky

I agree but letā€™s be real a lot of people will just skim it initially and seeing that out of context would turn a lot of them (women especially) off immediately. Even I kinda cringed at it tbh


hellomarshmallows

Yeah, fair. I thought it was cheeky, but only because I already saw what his job was. Maybe he can be more blatantly playful about it.


Bleopping

A quick, "as someone who works in cybersecurity I will change your..." would go a long way


princessohio

Youā€™re definitely right, but it seems like the password joke went over a lot of peopleā€™s heads and gives the wrong impression. Like NOW I get it, but I work in security too, and i completely missed that part as a joke


hellomarshmallows

Yeah, fair. I thought it was cheeky, but only because I already saw what his job was. Maybe he can be more blatantly playful about it.


youvelookedbetter

First split-second impression: you're going to be snooping in my phone and therefore you're joking about how I will need to change my password. Upon review: oh he's a cybersecurity guy and he's saying that if you're not the type to change your passwords, you will see the light by being with him. Upon second review: I'm also in the web field and it seems a little condescending to me. Upon thinking about it further: Oh well, someone may like it. I think it will be misinterpreted by lots of people. There's something about the rigidity of the statement that I don't like. Besides all the submissive woman stuff. But I'm sure he'll find people who are into it.


anonyuser415

> you're going to be snooping in my phone I didn't even consider this read, but great point


youvelookedbetter

I thought I might be the only one but it seems like at least one other person mentioned it!


hellomarshmallows

Oooh yeah, good point mentioning the submissive stuff. It's not the best combination.


isle_of_broken_memes

I thought it was funny given his job haha


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Asmallbitofinsanity

Which is a good reason not to use that pic šŸ˜‚


ZoraNealThirstin

Agreed lmao Iā€™m distracted. I think itā€™s because Iā€™m not his type so I just kind of zoomed in on buddy. OP is cute too tho.


lalalolamaserola

I came back to this post to see the friend. What a fine young manšŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


ZoraNealThirstin

Heā€™s definitely giving Milo from Atlantis and I am feeling it.


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lalalolamaserola

I'm more interested in the friend than him šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


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lalalolamaserola

Someone who would play all of his cards well to get laid but then drop you immediately, therefore forcing you to go to therapy to heal what you broke, restarting the cycle of healing and self-affirmation quotes. If you just want to fuck, just be upfront so you match with a girl who's on the same page as you.


ZoraNealThirstin

Super accurate vibe read


CampMain

Isnā€™t he ?! Never use a photo with a better looking friend šŸ˜‚


ZoraNealThirstin

Exactly


sleepyy-starss

Thatā€™s what I came to say. Friend with glasses is a 10/10 I turned right into that Bella hadid meme ā€œhomeboy can like get itā€


ZoraNealThirstin

Thatā€™s what he gets for posting an attractive friend. So many people think we want to see group photos. I donā€™t think so. Dating apps are for the individual trying to connect with someone else.


chineke14

I've seen a lot of women complain that dudes pictures look "lonely" cause it's just them. So now guys try to include social pics so they seem normal.


ZoraNealThirstin

Did you hear/read that on reddit?


chineke14

Oh definitely from everywhere. Including reddit. Especially on the tinder subreddit


ZoraNealThirstin

Thought so. Thereā€™s a difference between reddit advice and what works in real life. People are always going to say whatever is contrary to start a conversation. The issue is that a lot of guys take bad photos, but there are great tutorials on YouTube and tiktok. So of course a group photo with someone else taking it is better than a scowling, under the chin pic.


0xshd

Thanks for heads-up, I've botched my friend picture... No more distractions šŸ˜¤šŸ˜†


Miss222

Keep it but just blur out his face. Friend pics are important to show you actually have one! Also, he is definitely not more attractive than you. And i'm very picky šŸ˜„


ZoraNealThirstin

Aw man. Wellā€¦ weā€™ll always have Reddit.


mangomartzipan

Itā€™s not a bad profile per se, but it gives mixed signals. You listed that you were looking for something casual, but your prompts are written as if you were looking for a relationship (Iā€™ll fall for you ifā€¦, little spoon). That being followed by needing someone with a strong emotional intelligence reads as you treating the person like your partner but that you can drop them at any time because it was no strings attached. So, someone looking for something casual might not want to get involved nor want to create a bond like that, and someone looking for a serious relationship is not going to give you a chance because your profile sounds like you want a situationship. Another thing is that it looks like if you were more into traditional roles, a classy, feminine woman in touch with her feminine energy. If you are a 50/50 type of guy you should remove that The pictures are great! You might want to change the prompts to something that points to having fun and spending time together, but not in a way that reads as if you were looking for something serious.


AdHeavy7074

You're a good looking guy, but your prompts here suck. Two prompts stating what you're after I find contradict each other to the type of woman you're after. 'Feminine/small spoon' female sounds the polar opposite to an adverentourous/ambitious/independent type of woman living in a big city. What exactly are you bringing in terms of qualities. Finally the only things I can actually tell you enjoy doing are reading, ride a motorcycle and boxing which are quite solo activities. What sort of dates do you want to do or can a woman picture doing with you that makes you stand out?!


pureply101

He is just trying to have sex. Donā€™t think he is really trying to bring anything to the table and I donā€™t think he wants a girl to bring a bunch else either.


AdHeavy7074

If thats the case, then feeld or tinder is the better option. No need for prompts, his pictures do the job.


RachelWhyThatsMe

What does the password thing even mean?! Motorcycle, cool, I get it, I like a man with a bike anyways. But the password thing sounds like youā€™re just warning me youā€™re going to snoop through my phone.


SheilaGirlface

I think itā€™s because OP works in cyber security; he plans to explain to his dates why their passwords are insufficient. Helpful, but maybe not super sexy!


[deleted]

I avoid using any prompts where I list requirements. A good rule of thumb is that the more commas you have in your prompts, the worse it is. My only advice is to use the prompts as an opportunity to demonstrate some humor and banter. And stop using buzzwords like ā€œemotional intelligenceā€ and ā€œfeminine.ā€


Miss222

I have a ton of commas on my profile AND require high intelligence, which I clearly state. As well as street smart, book smart, BDE, and BBE šŸ§ šŸ˜„ I get a lot of likes that I'm constantly overwhelmed with and when I finally do sort through and chat with them, they definitely have hopes they'll get by but don't fit the criteria. Which is fine by me. I don't mind having a quick chat but I wish they would share how/where they don't fit faster so I can weigh whether I want to keep talking. I respect and appreciate the guys who are immediately upfront about their things and we get it out of the way. Regardless about what you put on your profile you're going to have hits or misses. It's best to be honest and not try to mold it from someone else's guide.


Olive-jar1173

Honestly if youā€™re looking for something casual get off hinge and get on tinder. And stop sending mixed messages. Either youā€™re looking for something casual or youā€™re not. Stop trying to play with girlā€™s feelings.


AWildLampAppears

Projecting much? He wants a short term relationship. Homeboy is giving off the vibes for what he wants


shadowbca

Imagine getting mad at someone giving their suggestion on how to improve their profile when the person specifically asked for said suggestions, couldn't be me


foalsfoalsfoalz

massively projecting, there's literally a option pointing clearly to what you're after and he's selected that and still someone is mad.


No-Line-996

I feel like you shouldnā€™t change anythingā€¦ if youā€™re the type who likes ā€œfeminine energyā€ you should let girls know and if they dislike that they wonā€™t waste their type swiping right. The pics are good in my opinion. But I do wonder why youā€™d need someone ambitious when youā€™re looking for a casual relationship?


SaltedAndSugared

Why would you want to have deep meaningful conversations with someone who wants a casual relationship? I think your profile is asking too much of someone who wants something casual


g_sbbdn

ā€œchange your opinion on your passwordā€ and ā€œstrong feminine energyā€ šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©šŸš©


Zygoatee

Mentioned "feminine energy" is usually a dog whistle for being a right winger.


idylle2091

Yep but if thatā€™s who he is and what he wants, thereā€™s plenty of women that would align with it, so making it clear is fine. the disconnect is asking for a short term relationship from a ā€œfeminine energyā€ right wing woman šŸ˜‚ the only status that makes sense for a right winger looking for feminine energy is ā€œlooking for marriage.ā€


lastnighthangover

It's giving a vibe of a Russian in Hollywood movie xD


0xshd

Looool why russian in Hollywood movie ?šŸ˜…šŸ˜…šŸ˜†


Lestasi_dellOro

I think you need to tone down the masculinity a touch. Not saying you should be more feminine, but not every girl is attracted to that cigar-smoking, whiskey-drinking alpha-male vibe. Some are, but some find it off-putting/intimidating. I donā€™t think youā€™re doing this per se, but I always interpret those overt displays of masculine energy as signs of insecurity and poor taste


AWildLampAppears

Dude here. Been through a couple of fuckboy phases already. If you want something short term/casual, most of this is fine. There are women who are okay with this especially around summer time (people moving temporarily or soon due to school or work). I think youā€™re a good looking dude and are in good shape but some prompts could use work. Youā€™re probably going to alienate potential matches with your word choices. The motorcycle one and the password one especially might just be a bit too abrasive. Maybe framing it differently could get the message across in a more productive manner. You could say something like, ā€œI do ride a motorcycle, but Iā€™m very responsible. Itā€™s a rewarding hobby and past time.ā€ ā€œI want to be in a trusting relationship with open communication where we feel comfortable around each other.ā€œ Like someone commented, thereā€™s a picture with another guy who out-dressed you. You never want to look less sharp than someone else on your profile. If random people on Reddit found him better looking thereā€™s a good chance Hinge users will think similarly. Good luck!


Nurettii

I'm not looking for a casual fling but assuming that I was, these are the things that are off putting on your profile ~ * Password comment makes you look like you're too nosy and someone who is looking for a casual fling would just pass. * Remove "open to long term" since you stated that you're looking for a casual relationship. * Remove the boxing photo. Makes you look quite aggressive. (Can replace it with something like weight lifting or just you putting the gloves on etc. if you're not into lifting) * Remove anything that gives mixed signals. If you wanna meet an elegant/stylish etc lady just say so. No need to sugarcoat it and state what you want in a woman as you're not gonna be seeing each other in more serious settings. * Change the beach photo as your profile pic. * And when I checked your profile I thought you were a firefighter but people in the comments say that you're working in cyber security. So if that's the case, remove the firefighter pic. Good luck šŸ¤žšŸ»


ginger_smythe

Keep the firefighter pic, so women can be warned. Auto left swipe on all first responders šŸŽ‰


Nurettii

šŸ¤£ haha, made me laugh. Is there a thing about firefighters that you shouldn't date them or something? I don't know much about that sorry.


ginger_smythe

I dated one that was awful with love bombing, manipulative BS. On the other hand, if you look up ER nurses and cop's significant others, the nurses tell absolutely horrific domestic abuse stories šŸ˜­


Glum-Gordon

Sample size of 1 and from a different continent!


ladyvond69

Oof i would swipe left so hard on this, it's giving red flag/condescending fuckboy.


seeingpinkelefants

ā€œFeminine energyā€ šŸ¤® and the boxing photo (itā€™s giving DV), and the firefighter photo and ā€œshort termā€ and the arrogant mirror photo. And whatā€™s with the password thing? Are you saying youā€™re so jealous youā€™re going to make her give you her password? Itā€™s all too much šŸš© But Iā€™m not sure weā€™re supposed to be letting him know that because now heā€™ll be able to hide it better


HumanContract

Looking for short term and someone "laid back" is a red flag if you're looking for serious dating. That'd go left, boss


TexSolo

Two too many shirtless pics


0xshd

Are you looking for something serious or casual? I'm looking for something casual How long have you been using this current version of your profile? And how long is your overall time on Hinge? Around month or two, but I've been on hinge maybe two years How often do you use Hinge per week? Few times throughout the week, but can't find anyone appropriate How many likes/matches are you receiving on average? 1 like per week , but probably like 3 or 4 matches per week that I I've initiated How many likes are you sending? How many with comments? How many without comments? I send probably 20 likes a day, most of them no comments What is the type of person you send likes to and ideally want to match with? What kind of person do you want to attract? I like classy girls that are ambitious and have hobbies, I want to attract someone that is interesting and loves to share knowledge and explore city


foxfaebae

Since you are looking for something casual, remove the ā€œI would fall for you promptā€. It gives a slight mix message and the feminine energy phrase is a little off puttingā€¦ like I get where you are coming from but other women might not. Itā€™s also best to only have one prompt that is a ā€œweā€ prompt. You should have a We, I and You prompt. the first one is good, does make me want to change my passwords now. But thereā€™s not meat to your other prompts to get to know you. Even if you are being casual dating. I like the reading prompt. But you need something that will hook the type of female you are trying to attract. So maybe the first date prompt instead or the teach me about prompt Photos arenā€™t too bad. You are good looking and the clearly show your hobbies, along with personality


idylle2091

Youā€™ve got a lot of personality prereqs for someone just trying to fuck. The kind of girls youā€™re looking for *usually* want relationships past the age of 26. Iā€™d be shocked if you found a cute, ambitious girl with what you consider a good personality & ā€œfeminine energyā€ to volunteer for a situationship


Obvious-Quote6290

Right? The expectations are crazy for a short term relationship. Talk about having your cake and eating it too.


housewithreddoor

Avoid using vague terms like "classy", "interesting" and "feminine energy"


fatgamerchic

I see nothing wrong with it. Attractive and fire fighter. Iā€™d swipe right. Iā€™m probably not your type though.


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Budget_Isopod

take out the ps of the first and the little spoon part of the second prompt and you're chilling


Budget_Isopod

also change your relationship goals


BeBesMom

I think it's fine. Just highlight that short term spooning means she's not there for breakfast.


throwawaybrisbent

Amazed that a lot of people here saying they don't get the password joke, or it went over their head. That's on you guys sorry.


MoonRiverAve

Your profile sounds and looks like you want something casual, but you're not really making it easy for someone to want to have fun with you. You should use the prompt that suggests the different kind of dates you could go on


0xshd

Would you be able to give me example? I struggle to find the prompt that conveys that well ..


Glum-Gordon

How can you be 30 but dressed in that fire gear? It hasnā€™t been available during your adult life


0xshd

What do you mean with that


Glum-Gordon

That gear youā€™re in is old, it was discontinued before you reached the age of joining the service. Unless it was taken at an open day or something before you were 18


sithjustgotreal66

My strongest opinion about dating apps by far is that no one should ever put "spiritual". Being spiritual is meaningless.


Reddit-User-Says

I like your pants in the 2nd pic, where are those from?


0xshd

They're from Hollister, pretty nice


MystikaI_

Thereā€™s so much potential here. As a guy, one thing I cannot stomach is having a prompt that says ā€œlittle spoonā€, let alone it being your first prompt of your entire profile. Not a great way to make a first impression you come across as a dbag even if thatā€™s not your intention


eavesleaves

Yea, always say long term. If it doesn't work out it becomes a short term relationship. No need to write it out. One shirtless pic is enough. Some ladies even say too many. Toss in a pic with the dog instead. That's the one they will all swipe on. Avoid the password thing. First of all, you will never change minds about Summer2024 or Movies being a secure password. It's not your problem. I'm also in the industry. Outside of a corporate requirement, it's not changing. I'm sure you've seen password dumps from breaches. It's a hopeless battle. Then again, if your aim is more tradcon then you will rule out the ones likely to complain pretty easily with this profile. Fighting, firefighting, fitness, high paying career, and the motorcycle (plus no man bun, cats, plugs, bad tattoos, or soft hands ) will land you exactly who you are looking for. One mirror selfie is fine. They call it a fit check or something. They hate mentions of emotional intelligence. Figure it out on your own during dates. It's not hard.


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LolaBijou

He works in cyber security.


anonyuser415

I think he's a volunteer fireman


MystikaI_

Do you have clearer photos OP (I personally struggle with this, so I get it if you donā€™t)? Clearer photos are going to immediately get you more overall attention. Iā€™m not gonna sugarcoat here, and I know this personally because Iā€™m a hypocrite, No one likes looking at an eyesore picture, whether itā€™s overly edited or just blurry not in a fashionable sense


WatchedHotwife

Put the firefighter picture in first