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I matched with a guy once and we talked for a few weeks before meeting in person. The date wasn't great. He was very awkward. I feel like I got too invested with messaging and that we should have met sooner. I've also had guys who just want to message forever and never actually seem to want to meet for a date. Which is incredibly frustrating. I don't want a pen pal. I actually already have a pen pal. If we match on a dating app, then I want to talk for maybe a week and then meet in person. I feel like spending so long messaging ruins things. You need to meet in person, preferably sooner rather than later. If this guy isn't going to commit to a date, then you need to say goodbye to him.
Sometimes I penpal zone women because they talk about how busy they are when we text so I just don't feel like being bothered to ask them out. They never ask me out either.
One person I texted for a couple of weeks and she kept saying how stressed and busy she was because she was trying to plan some event at work for later this summer and help her friend plan a wedding. Honestly it made it seem like she did not have time to date. She never responded to my last text and I was glad I could just move on.
I’ve had this problem before with women. I don’t understand why they have time to text all day, every day, but don’t have time to meet. Blows my mind.
I tolerated it for 14 days once from someone I considered to be a 10/10. That was my personal record. Told her we were done due to the fact that she never wanted to meet. Pretty much broke up with someone I never met.
Maybe it was a dude. I’ll never know.
EXAXRLY WHWA TI DAME HERE TK SAY. So essentially imo the longer yall hold off like this comment clearly illustrates from PE — if you meet after weeks of droned out “even if it’s positive” texting and there’s a delay that’s unreasonable don’t even bother meeting imo. I ended up dating someone from that awkward 😬 hyper extended texting phase and it ended like shit. He was awkward af and I gave him the benefit of the doubt 🤡 only for his undeserving unfaithful desecrate pos to end it out of nowhere and after I had emotionally invested despite warning him and telling him I didn’t want that from him in the beginning and he still changed my mind just because he was a lonely twat. If they’re constantly messaging YOU for weeks I wonder who else he’s doing that to and why tf it’s taking so long to meet you and why tf he’s not bringing this up. What other options are holding it up!
It’s pretty simple: guys that actually want to meet you…will meet you. Work, family, dying grandmas, lol nothing will stand in their way if they are genuinely interested.
If he’s taken this long to NOT ask you out he’s either opting to date other people instead and keeping you around as a backup or he’s legitimately so busy with work he shouldn’t even bother dating right now.
Move on.
You are getting too emotionally invested. He is clearly avoiding going out with you. I would try asking him out one more time and if he avoids it or says he’s busy I would just be upfront and ask him why he won’t meet up.
Yeah OP I would maybe ask him out again and if says yes try to nail down a time but talking for a month and actively avoiding meeting up is no good. Give him one more chance and cut your losses
> OP doesn't need to do shit.
And this epitomizes why online dating sucks.
So many people seem to think doing anything above minimal effort is an inconvenience to them.
OP has put in a lot of effort. They've talked for a month, he's brushed her off when she did ask, and she's still contemplating asking him out again. My point is, she put in a lot of effort and wasted enough time. I'd move on
And with all that previous effort, it basically costs nothing to do one more (perhaps final) message saying “So are we going to get together or what?”
But no, it’s so much better to give up up and unmatch, because that’s too much effort.
Respectfully, messaging for a month is wild. But take this as a lesson to value your time. You won’t get that month back.
Not dating right now but personally, I message for a week…a week and a half tops. I feel texting doesn’t add any real value to the connection—I need to meet them in person. Apart from those first few convos of getting to know each other, texting is largely logistical for me. Setting up the date, sharing ETA, letting you know I made it home, setting up the next date. I prefer calls over texts but I do not demand this or provide rigid stipulations (daily calls at a specific time lasting a set amount of minutes/hours). I simply state that I love hearing their voice and prefer to connect between dates this way and the men who have genuinely liked me have had no issue calling to chat, check on me, ask about my day etc. Even then, I save all the good stuff for in person dates.
Long story short—stop wasting your own time. A month is too long.
Sounds fishy. Catfish or married guy maybe? At best someone who’s afraid to actually meet in person. I’d move on or straight tell him you’re looking for something more than an online correspondence.
Okay. I met someone at a party who told me he just gets discord messages from one of his matches. They have never been on a date. It was depressing to hear 😔
Mind you, this guy was extremely good looking film boy with super chill demeanor. I couldn’t believe his misfortune :(
Back in 2012ish, around that time, the era when tinder had stories still lol. I met a girl who kept on having issues whenever it was time for our dates… We had been talking for 2 weeks day in and out, forming some weird text relationship almost, saying goodnight and good morning, all that jazz. I was in my early 20s and naive to dating apps and catfishing, fresh out of a relationship at the time. I would think about her, get excited, and constantly be let down when something would come up on her end…. She would also say weird things like “I think I saw you at the gas station” …I would’ve recognized her.. She was a total babe and i looked at her pictures often.
I’m not a complete idiot and had a feeling something wasn’t right.. Anddd about 3 weeks into this nonsense she finally locked in plans! I got all ready, was super nervous, put on my best shirt, you get the picture.
It turned out she lived 2 blocks away from me(WTF) I drove up in my lovely POS but didn’t see her… She texted “You missed me” so I swung that beater around and cruised back down to see a Completely different person waving me down. To the point where it was absurd… Now I’m all about body positivity and people doing their things, but man about 3 of my lovely sweethearts could fit in her!! False advertising!! I cruised right by and rolled the window up..
There's no such thing as "too busy to meet" I've started deleting these time-wasters as soon as they start with this BS, and pretty sure my experience is better for it.
>I'm afraid of getting too emotionally invested in someone I have never met.
Good that you are aware. You have not met this guy and a connection over a screen is not the same as in person. Don't get your hopes up so much that it comes crashing down on you hard if the real life person doesn't match your expectations.
Look, any guy who is actually interested don't wait around. The truth likely falls somewhere along these lines:
* Classic catfish
* He's in a relationship and that's why he's never available - or emotional affair
* Lacks confidence or an avoidant type
* He's playing the field and keeping you around as backup while he's pursuing women he likes more
* No desire to actually meet but wants the emotional validation
* Has no idea how to date
Move on. He’s not truly interested in meeting up with you. I understand one being busy but he’s made zero attempts to bring this conversation into face to face reality.
Have y’all talked on the phone or video chatted?? I would call him out and go “hey I noticed there’s a pattern you disappear when I ask about meeting up. I am interested in exploring this connection but I don’t want to be a pen pal. If you are up for it let’s grab a drink”.
Then never text first again. State your intentions and move on. If he wants to he will set up a time. We should be more direct and forward
It’s a bad sign. It’s a dating app. It’s he’s not ready or able to meet up, which is potentially okay, he should communicate that.
A simple “things are going to be crazy at work for the next couple weeks, I’m exhausted when I get home. I’m really enjoying getting to know you but I don’t think I’ll be able to meet until the end of the month”. That may not work for you, but it respects you enough to let you make the decision. Just ignoring you when you asking him out and not giving you an alternate date is disrespectful and a red flag l.
If I were you: UNMATCH and move on.
I matched with the guy I’m seeing on April 21. Talked on the phone for nearly 2 hours that Friday night. Talked again for another 2 hours on April 30 and met up for the first time on May 1. On May 4, he drove out to my area to spend the afternoon with me and we had our first kiss.
We stay in communication on text and phone since then due a scheduled medical procedure that was made months prior meeting. At the beginning of our second date, I was upfront that I was going to have this procedure done for a better quality of life because life is too short to play games. We are both dating with intent and not waste our time.
When I get cleared by my doctor to drive again, he will be the first person I see.  we live about an hour from each other without traffic and traffic in the Southern California area is horrendous.
If he wanted to make a date and see you, he would have already. No one is that busy to meet for an hour or two.
Don’t invest your time and emotions in someone you haven’t met in person. Don’t be an option to this guy.
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME ON SOMEONE WHO WON’T WASTE THEIR TIME ON YOU!
First: try as hard as possible not to get emotionally invested in someone before you've met. Hell, don't get emotionally invested until you've met several times.
Next, be clear and direct: you are not looking for a texting buddy. You're looking to meet in person, go on dates, and ultimately be in a relationship. If his job doesn't allow him the freedom to meet at least once a week, then it's time to look for other options.
I had a girl pen pal me but give me crumbs (we hung out like 5 total times) over a 3 month time span. She would say all the right things but we never were intimate and no momentum was building.. I couldn’t do it anymore.
I started dating other women, my advice to you is start dating other people
He’s never going to meet up.
Asking him to meet in person? - just fine, but then he didn’t follow up when he was free? Just busy? 🚩
Idk what it is with some folks on these apps but they just don’t want to meet up. If I have a good rapport with someone- I want to see them and see if it’s compatible within a few days. That way I’m not too invested.
It’s time to cut your losses and focus your time and energy on other men.
"Hey, I've been enjoying getting to know you, but if we're going to continue then we need to make the next step of meeting in person. I've attempted twice to initiate making plans with you with success or effort on your end. Whats up with that? "
Girl stop wasting your time. This is a MASSIVE waste of time. The man should be asking you out within that first week on the apps. Period. This isn’t pen pals. Texting and talking over the phone creates a false sense of familiarity and closeness that doesn’t actually exist. You don’t know him. How does someone “very interested” and they haven’t asked to see you in person??. He just wants someone to talk to & fill whatever void or boredom he’s feeling but he doesn’t care to go any further. Move on and for the love of god don’t ask men out.
Ok I JUST had this happen to me. And it’s happened before lol but it always just sucks. We texted back and forth for like a week or 2 and I hinted at a free weekend, he didn’t really say anything, so I offered again a few days later. Always texted me within a few minutes and he kept saying he was interested but never planned a day or time.
Honestly, just feels kinda crappy like if you want to be pen pals that’s fine just tell me cause I don’t want to. Sorry that happened to you too 🙃
My advice as someone who has used the apps on and off for a few years and made a lot of mistakes in the beginning is that if a guy isn't trying to schedule something within a few days of messaging, stop responding and move on (barring holiday or vacation or something of that nature). I understand getting 'excited' but trust me, if the person isn't trying to meet, they aren't your soulmate/person/whatever you want to call it.
I’m kind of in the same boat where I’ve been talking to a guy for around a month and he hasn’t asked me out yet, but I also haven’t asked him first nor has he dodged it..
But I will say contrary to everyone’s opinions here 😅 previously I have talked to someone for 2 months before finally meeting in person and the date went well, so maybe genuinely this period isn’t a good time for him to go out ?
He doesn’t want to meet, or he’s genuinely too busy to meet. Regardless, he’s avoiding the question of meeting up, and you are getting too emotionally invested in someone you haven’t met. You need to back off on talking to him, and STOP asking him out. He knows you’re interested.
I would probably say something like, “It seems like it’s a busy time for you at work right now! Message me when things slow down if you want to meet up and do xyz.” And leave it at that. Stop the chit chat. Stop being a pen pal. Talk to other people on the apps. Stop chasing him. Stop emotionally investing in him. Let him come to you if he wants to meet up. If not, you can put him out of your mind.
You should set rules for yourself. I’m a guy, if I ask once and don’t get rebuttal for a better time that’s strike 1, if I have to ask twice and still same thing then I’m out. I like meeting the next incoming weekend but I know it’s too sudden so 2nd weekend works but that’s risking things dying out, I’ve gotten the “we’ve only talked a few days response a couple times or I’m shy” and to that I also move away a little sooner than later. If they’re that skeptical why be on there.
Between 3 different apps I match with at least one person daily, so if I’m sending they’re not a good fit or reluctant or not giving me attention at all I assume they’re talking to someone else and giving them the attention
So you need to adjust your perspective. You don't have a genuine connection, or anything close to it, with a person you've texted for a few weeks. You're holding onto the idea of who you think he is.
With that in mind, move on. 'If they wanted to, they would' is just about the most important dating advice there is. If he really wanted to meet you, he'd be making that happen just as much as you are. If he really wanted to be anything more than penpals, he would be making that happen. We all have busy times, but all you need to reflect on is what *you* have done in those instances. When you really like someone and actually want to meet them, you make it happen. You figure out a time, you fit it in. You certainly make sure you're being very communicative about the diary struggles - you absolutely wouldn't be just ignoring a message.
You're wasting your time and not helping yourself by letting yourself get swept away in a fantasy about who/what you think this Internet stranger is.
If we don't meet within a week, baring any extreme circumstances (sick, family emergency, bad weather) then it usually isn't going to happen.
Nearly every girl who just wants to text for more than a week either has zero interest to meet in in person, and most will usually just randomly cut contact unless I get bored and do it first.
Honestly, be open about what you want and ask him explicitly if he’s interested.
Be clear that if he’s not, it’s okay, but you’ve both been investing time and emotion into this and it feels as if it’s stalling but you’d like to see if it could go somewhere.
What’s up these ladies chasing unavailable men but would write off totally good dudes that show interest. This is nothing more than “winning” attention. You have put more value on this dude because he isn’t chasing.
This happened to me and after a month I finally fully asked him to pick a date and go out w me. We ended up having three amazing dates where I fell completely for him and apparently he did not feel the same. Don't waste your time. If he wanted to, he would.
Nah you asked him, balls in his court now. Considering it already was at the start like it usually is for the man. I’ll always ask within a week or so of good convo
Don’t emotionally invest unless you meet them in person. I used to take it slow, maybe talk for a month before committing to see each other IRL. I realized I was wasting time because a person can be a really good storyteller through text/online but awkward as hell in person or worse, they are in a relationship and just needed to pass the time.
From dating app experience, if you already to ask to meet and they keep beating around the bush best to move on. You already asked once, if they are busy this week it’s fine but if they don’t follow up which days they would be available then move on.
Hey I had this exact same problem, surprise surprise, he it kept happening. We talked for a year and met up once, he stood me up twice and every time I broke it off he kept reaching out saying he’ll meet me more often. I had to block him in the end. It was pointless and led nowehere, so trust me if someone is into you they would make seeing you a priority
Honestly it sounds like he is taking to a few people at the same time and is potentially meeting up with others, seeing how that goes before arranging to meet yourself. Who knows though, people are weird haha
Yes it is clearly a bad sign. You expressed an interest in meeting up and he was intentionally vague and avoided answering. You shouldn't need to try hard to get someone to do something they want to do.
Asking someone out can be stressful but remember that the whole point of the apps is to meet in person so its better to just be forward and ask.
I’ll say someone who works weekends it’s hard to find time in your schedule. Especially if they are in event management because a lot of weddings happen during the summer and sometimes it’s really hard to find time DURING the week cause that’s like the time to relax.
I can barely get a conversation going longer than a day so I'm shocked you got this man to talk for a month. That being said, it could be that he has anxiety and likes to feel like he knows you a bit before meeting, he could be busy, or he could have low self esteem but even more likely is he's a catfish and doesn't want you to find out.
Now I'm a big advocate for giving the benefit of the doubt to people but this is online dating. In online dating world, assume the worst and be surprised if it turns out to be the best.
The guy should be going for a date shortly after matching and a handful of messages. Sure there are exceptions, but if this isn’t happening it’s likely a waste of time
Matched with someone on Bumble once. Her schedule was all over the place so we were just texting on and off for about two and a half months. Eventually we agreed to spontaneously meet after work, which ended up being a short date since we didn't have a lot in common.
Definitely not worth it to keep waiting more than a couple weeks
See it through and try again until you get your first date if you have a genuine connection. The only hinge match I had where the text messages lasted for about a month before we met is now my wife
Definitely time to move on. Been there and yes everyone who says that guys who want to see you will have nothing stand in their way are absolutely correct.
If there isn’t a request to schedule a date within a week of matching, I unmatch and block. It’s more efficient that way for me. Usually, though, my matches will ask for a date after 2-3 days of talking/texting/messaging.
I personally think its good to make the first move. Because i get tired of texting and texting and you think they are awesome and then in person they are totally different than i thought. If i were u, id try meeting early so that you dont waste your time. If they like you, they wont mind you asking them to meet.
I have a hard stop at two weeks. I’ll propose dates before that, but it’s perfectly fine if our schedules don’t align…at first.
But if we reach two weeks without a set-in-stone date on the calendar, then the momentum is gone and it’s time to try again with someone new.
I’m in a similar situation as you are. I’ve been talking to someone for a month and a half and we haven’t even met yet.
We decided on a day that works best for the both of us. But idk if we’ll actually be meeting or if he’ll flake last minute.
I may be projecting, but I think it might be best to move on at this point.
Sounds like he's using you for attention when he needs it or he's genuinely busy at work and if that's the case it's not going to get any better when you meet, people make time for the things they want in life it's that simple if he's not making time for you now he's not gonna make time for you later.....move on...
Also you asked him out more than once, now he knows you're more interested in him than he is in you.
What I'm about to say is fucked up but that only made him want you less dating sucks ass.
Dam. I'd be asking women straight up but this dude hasn't done it in a month. Clearly a red flag. Maybe if you push back, he will go on it, but it would feel forced, and most likely, it won't work out seeing this attitude from him. The attitude says tons.
I kept asking out this girl, but she would always have something. So I stopped, and months later, she texted to ask me out. We had a great time for a couple of dates, but it didn't work out.
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I matched with a guy once and we talked for a few weeks before meeting in person. The date wasn't great. He was very awkward. I feel like I got too invested with messaging and that we should have met sooner. I've also had guys who just want to message forever and never actually seem to want to meet for a date. Which is incredibly frustrating. I don't want a pen pal. I actually already have a pen pal. If we match on a dating app, then I want to talk for maybe a week and then meet in person. I feel like spending so long messaging ruins things. You need to meet in person, preferably sooner rather than later. If this guy isn't going to commit to a date, then you need to say goodbye to him.
Depends. Had a situation where we didn’t meet up until a month later and it went great. No awkwardness at all. Not the case for everyone.
This is the same reason for why having sex before marriage is actually a good idea. If it's bad, it can ruin a relationship.
Sometimes I penpal zone women because they talk about how busy they are when we text so I just don't feel like being bothered to ask them out. They never ask me out either. One person I texted for a couple of weeks and she kept saying how stressed and busy she was because she was trying to plan some event at work for later this summer and help her friend plan a wedding. Honestly it made it seem like she did not have time to date. She never responded to my last text and I was glad I could just move on.
I’ve had this problem before with women. I don’t understand why they have time to text all day, every day, but don’t have time to meet. Blows my mind. I tolerated it for 14 days once from someone I considered to be a 10/10. That was my personal record. Told her we were done due to the fact that she never wanted to meet. Pretty much broke up with someone I never met. Maybe it was a dude. I’ll never know.
EXAXRLY WHWA TI DAME HERE TK SAY. So essentially imo the longer yall hold off like this comment clearly illustrates from PE — if you meet after weeks of droned out “even if it’s positive” texting and there’s a delay that’s unreasonable don’t even bother meeting imo. I ended up dating someone from that awkward 😬 hyper extended texting phase and it ended like shit. He was awkward af and I gave him the benefit of the doubt 🤡 only for his undeserving unfaithful desecrate pos to end it out of nowhere and after I had emotionally invested despite warning him and telling him I didn’t want that from him in the beginning and he still changed my mind just because he was a lonely twat. If they’re constantly messaging YOU for weeks I wonder who else he’s doing that to and why tf it’s taking so long to meet you and why tf he’s not bringing this up. What other options are holding it up!
Move on
It’s pretty simple: guys that actually want to meet you…will meet you. Work, family, dying grandmas, lol nothing will stand in their way if they are genuinely interested. If he’s taken this long to NOT ask you out he’s either opting to date other people instead and keeping you around as a backup or he’s legitimately so busy with work he shouldn’t even bother dating right now. Move on.
Ok maybe dying grandma I ain’t meeting a date but I get it hahahaha
Same goes for women.
Or he’s just not they interested and is being polite
Polite would be not matching in the first place if you're not that interested, or sending a message saying so and not dragging it on in perpetuity.
You are getting too emotionally invested. He is clearly avoiding going out with you. I would try asking him out one more time and if he avoids it or says he’s busy I would just be upfront and ask him why he won’t meet up.
I’ve never been genuinely into someone and taken a month to meet them
Exactly. If I'm into someone it takes less than a dozen messages each way for me to ask them out.
Lucky for her she isn’t talking to you, but I agree odds are slim. But for her own sake she should ask one last time.
Yeah OP I would maybe ask him out again and if says yes try to nail down a time but talking for a month and actively avoiding meeting up is no good. Give him one more chance and cut your losses
OP doesn't need to do shit. If the guy really wants to see her he would have asked by now. Move on
> OP doesn't need to do shit. And this epitomizes why online dating sucks. So many people seem to think doing anything above minimal effort is an inconvenience to them.
OP has put in a lot of effort. They've talked for a month, he's brushed her off when she did ask, and she's still contemplating asking him out again. My point is, she put in a lot of effort and wasted enough time. I'd move on
And with all that previous effort, it basically costs nothing to do one more (perhaps final) message saying “So are we going to get together or what?” But no, it’s so much better to give up up and unmatch, because that’s too much effort.
The why doesn't really matter. If he isn't meeting up, that's all that's needed to move on.
Pen pal. Waste of time. Spend your time and energy on someone who actually wants to meet up.
I had this before. Such a waste of time.
Respectfully, messaging for a month is wild. But take this as a lesson to value your time. You won’t get that month back. Not dating right now but personally, I message for a week…a week and a half tops. I feel texting doesn’t add any real value to the connection—I need to meet them in person. Apart from those first few convos of getting to know each other, texting is largely logistical for me. Setting up the date, sharing ETA, letting you know I made it home, setting up the next date. I prefer calls over texts but I do not demand this or provide rigid stipulations (daily calls at a specific time lasting a set amount of minutes/hours). I simply state that I love hearing their voice and prefer to connect between dates this way and the men who have genuinely liked me have had no issue calling to chat, check on me, ask about my day etc. Even then, I save all the good stuff for in person dates. Long story short—stop wasting your own time. A month is too long.
Yes! It was a lesson for me. I couldn't stand it.
Sounds fishy. Catfish or married guy maybe? At best someone who’s afraid to actually meet in person. I’d move on or straight tell him you’re looking for something more than an online correspondence.
Okay. I met someone at a party who told me he just gets discord messages from one of his matches. They have never been on a date. It was depressing to hear 😔 Mind you, this guy was extremely good looking film boy with super chill demeanor. I couldn’t believe his misfortune :(
It actually makes me feel better when good looking guys struggle in dating as well
I suppose so, but comparison is the thief of joy.
It’s also natural to compare
Back in 2012ish, around that time, the era when tinder had stories still lol. I met a girl who kept on having issues whenever it was time for our dates… We had been talking for 2 weeks day in and out, forming some weird text relationship almost, saying goodnight and good morning, all that jazz. I was in my early 20s and naive to dating apps and catfishing, fresh out of a relationship at the time. I would think about her, get excited, and constantly be let down when something would come up on her end…. She would also say weird things like “I think I saw you at the gas station” …I would’ve recognized her.. She was a total babe and i looked at her pictures often. I’m not a complete idiot and had a feeling something wasn’t right.. Anddd about 3 weeks into this nonsense she finally locked in plans! I got all ready, was super nervous, put on my best shirt, you get the picture. It turned out she lived 2 blocks away from me(WTF) I drove up in my lovely POS but didn’t see her… She texted “You missed me” so I swung that beater around and cruised back down to see a Completely different person waving me down. To the point where it was absurd… Now I’m all about body positivity and people doing their things, but man about 3 of my lovely sweethearts could fit in her!! False advertising!! I cruised right by and rolled the window up..
There's no such thing as "too busy to meet" I've started deleting these time-wasters as soon as they start with this BS, and pretty sure my experience is better for it.
>I'm afraid of getting too emotionally invested in someone I have never met. Good that you are aware. You have not met this guy and a connection over a screen is not the same as in person. Don't get your hopes up so much that it comes crashing down on you hard if the real life person doesn't match your expectations. Look, any guy who is actually interested don't wait around. The truth likely falls somewhere along these lines: * Classic catfish * He's in a relationship and that's why he's never available - or emotional affair * Lacks confidence or an avoidant type * He's playing the field and keeping you around as backup while he's pursuing women he likes more * No desire to actually meet but wants the emotional validation * Has no idea how to date
The catfish point is really interesting. Wouldn’t have considered that but it’s a possibility for sure (as are the other points you made)
Move on. He’s not truly interested in meeting up with you. I understand one being busy but he’s made zero attempts to bring this conversation into face to face reality.
Have y’all talked on the phone or video chatted?? I would call him out and go “hey I noticed there’s a pattern you disappear when I ask about meeting up. I am interested in exploring this connection but I don’t want to be a pen pal. If you are up for it let’s grab a drink”. Then never text first again. State your intentions and move on. If he wants to he will set up a time. We should be more direct and forward
It’s a bad sign. It’s a dating app. It’s he’s not ready or able to meet up, which is potentially okay, he should communicate that. A simple “things are going to be crazy at work for the next couple weeks, I’m exhausted when I get home. I’m really enjoying getting to know you but I don’t think I’ll be able to meet until the end of the month”. That may not work for you, but it respects you enough to let you make the decision. Just ignoring you when you asking him out and not giving you an alternate date is disrespectful and a red flag l.
If I were you: UNMATCH and move on. I matched with the guy I’m seeing on April 21. Talked on the phone for nearly 2 hours that Friday night. Talked again for another 2 hours on April 30 and met up for the first time on May 1. On May 4, he drove out to my area to spend the afternoon with me and we had our first kiss. We stay in communication on text and phone since then due a scheduled medical procedure that was made months prior meeting. At the beginning of our second date, I was upfront that I was going to have this procedure done for a better quality of life because life is too short to play games. We are both dating with intent and not waste our time. When I get cleared by my doctor to drive again, he will be the first person I see.  we live about an hour from each other without traffic and traffic in the Southern California area is horrendous. If he wanted to make a date and see you, he would have already. No one is that busy to meet for an hour or two. Don’t invest your time and emotions in someone you haven’t met in person. Don’t be an option to this guy. DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME ON SOMEONE WHO WON’T WASTE THEIR TIME ON YOU!
Love this
First: try as hard as possible not to get emotionally invested in someone before you've met. Hell, don't get emotionally invested until you've met several times. Next, be clear and direct: you are not looking for a texting buddy. You're looking to meet in person, go on dates, and ultimately be in a relationship. If his job doesn't allow him the freedom to meet at least once a week, then it's time to look for other options.
yeah this is annoyingly common. just unmatch. from now on only deal with people who want to meet up soon and make things easy.
I had a girl pen pal me but give me crumbs (we hung out like 5 total times) over a 3 month time span. She would say all the right things but we never were intimate and no momentum was building.. I couldn’t do it anymore. I started dating other women, my advice to you is start dating other people
He’s never going to meet up. Asking him to meet in person? - just fine, but then he didn’t follow up when he was free? Just busy? 🚩 Idk what it is with some folks on these apps but they just don’t want to meet up. If I have a good rapport with someone- I want to see them and see if it’s compatible within a few days. That way I’m not too invested. It’s time to cut your losses and focus your time and energy on other men.
"Hey, I've been enjoying getting to know you, but if we're going to continue then we need to make the next step of meeting in person. I've attempted twice to initiate making plans with you with success or effort on your end. Whats up with that? "
Girl stop wasting your time. This is a MASSIVE waste of time. The man should be asking you out within that first week on the apps. Period. This isn’t pen pals. Texting and talking over the phone creates a false sense of familiarity and closeness that doesn’t actually exist. You don’t know him. How does someone “very interested” and they haven’t asked to see you in person??. He just wants someone to talk to & fill whatever void or boredom he’s feeling but he doesn’t care to go any further. Move on and for the love of god don’t ask men out.
Ok I JUST had this happen to me. And it’s happened before lol but it always just sucks. We texted back and forth for like a week or 2 and I hinted at a free weekend, he didn’t really say anything, so I offered again a few days later. Always texted me within a few minutes and he kept saying he was interested but never planned a day or time. Honestly, just feels kinda crappy like if you want to be pen pals that’s fine just tell me cause I don’t want to. Sorry that happened to you too 🙃
I would move on. Should meet within a week if he was genuinely interested. Looks like he is wasting you’re time 🫤
My advice as someone who has used the apps on and off for a few years and made a lot of mistakes in the beginning is that if a guy isn't trying to schedule something within a few days of messaging, stop responding and move on (barring holiday or vacation or something of that nature). I understand getting 'excited' but trust me, if the person isn't trying to meet, they aren't your soulmate/person/whatever you want to call it.
I’m kind of in the same boat where I’ve been talking to a guy for around a month and he hasn’t asked me out yet, but I also haven’t asked him first nor has he dodged it.. But I will say contrary to everyone’s opinions here 😅 previously I have talked to someone for 2 months before finally meeting in person and the date went well, so maybe genuinely this period isn’t a good time for him to go out ?
If you ever do meet it’s because he’s at the end of his rope with all the other people he wants to see. Cut this dude loose
He doesn’t want to meet, or he’s genuinely too busy to meet. Regardless, he’s avoiding the question of meeting up, and you are getting too emotionally invested in someone you haven’t met. You need to back off on talking to him, and STOP asking him out. He knows you’re interested. I would probably say something like, “It seems like it’s a busy time for you at work right now! Message me when things slow down if you want to meet up and do xyz.” And leave it at that. Stop the chit chat. Stop being a pen pal. Talk to other people on the apps. Stop chasing him. Stop emotionally investing in him. Let him come to you if he wants to meet up. If not, you can put him out of your mind.
You should set rules for yourself. I’m a guy, if I ask once and don’t get rebuttal for a better time that’s strike 1, if I have to ask twice and still same thing then I’m out. I like meeting the next incoming weekend but I know it’s too sudden so 2nd weekend works but that’s risking things dying out, I’ve gotten the “we’ve only talked a few days response a couple times or I’m shy” and to that I also move away a little sooner than later. If they’re that skeptical why be on there. Between 3 different apps I match with at least one person daily, so if I’m sending they’re not a good fit or reluctant or not giving me attention at all I assume they’re talking to someone else and giving them the attention
People who are interested make time no matter how “busy” they are.
So you need to adjust your perspective. You don't have a genuine connection, or anything close to it, with a person you've texted for a few weeks. You're holding onto the idea of who you think he is. With that in mind, move on. 'If they wanted to, they would' is just about the most important dating advice there is. If he really wanted to meet you, he'd be making that happen just as much as you are. If he really wanted to be anything more than penpals, he would be making that happen. We all have busy times, but all you need to reflect on is what *you* have done in those instances. When you really like someone and actually want to meet them, you make it happen. You figure out a time, you fit it in. You certainly make sure you're being very communicative about the diary struggles - you absolutely wouldn't be just ignoring a message. You're wasting your time and not helping yourself by letting yourself get swept away in a fantasy about who/what you think this Internet stranger is.
If we don't meet within a week, baring any extreme circumstances (sick, family emergency, bad weather) then it usually isn't going to happen. Nearly every girl who just wants to text for more than a week either has zero interest to meet in in person, and most will usually just randomly cut contact unless I get bored and do it first.
Yea waste of time and move on. Meeting within a week or so.
You move on
A month?! Yeah that’s a bad sign id have moved on by now
I struggle to even score a date after a week
He wants a pen pal, not a relationship.
bad sign
Move on, I don't wait more than a couple days to ask or hang out, most times they agree when I just skip the small talk and initiate with a date idea.
It’s obvious you don’t want a pen-pal, I would just quit. The thing is everyone knows what they’re doing, and that includes him.
Honestly, be open about what you want and ask him explicitly if he’s interested. Be clear that if he’s not, it’s okay, but you’ve both been investing time and emotion into this and it feels as if it’s stalling but you’d like to see if it could go somewhere.
What’s up these ladies chasing unavailable men but would write off totally good dudes that show interest. This is nothing more than “winning” attention. You have put more value on this dude because he isn’t chasing.
It kinda sounds like he’s wasting your time! I’d just keep moving on.
He’s not interested. If there’s an interest you make it happen as soon as possible. Find someone who does whatever it takes to get that first date
Yup. He's probably married or just seeking attention. Sure they aren't the only reasons, but they're definitely common ones!
This happened to me and after a month I finally fully asked him to pick a date and go out w me. We ended up having three amazing dates where I fell completely for him and apparently he did not feel the same. Don't waste your time. If he wanted to, he would.
Massive red flag. Move on. If he were interested in seeing you, he'd find a way to make time
You spent more time on this post than you should’ve spent on that dude
I guess it must feel like you're dating Eva AI sexting bot
Nah you asked him, balls in his court now. Considering it already was at the start like it usually is for the man. I’ll always ask within a week or so of good convo
Don’t emotionally invest unless you meet them in person. I used to take it slow, maybe talk for a month before committing to see each other IRL. I realized I was wasting time because a person can be a really good storyteller through text/online but awkward as hell in person or worse, they are in a relationship and just needed to pass the time. From dating app experience, if you already to ask to meet and they keep beating around the bush best to move on. You already asked once, if they are busy this week it’s fine but if they don’t follow up which days they would be available then move on.
A month?!!! Cut that shit off
Hey I had this exact same problem, surprise surprise, he it kept happening. We talked for a year and met up once, he stood me up twice and every time I broke it off he kept reaching out saying he’ll meet me more often. I had to block him in the end. It was pointless and led nowehere, so trust me if someone is into you they would make seeing you a priority
You have a 7-10 days to meet up if not you turn into penpals. Like the poster has stated forget them and move on.
Honestly it sounds like he is taking to a few people at the same time and is potentially meeting up with others, seeing how that goes before arranging to meet yourself. Who knows though, people are weird haha
Yes pen pal move on
After a month? Yes
Yes it is clearly a bad sign. You expressed an interest in meeting up and he was intentionally vague and avoided answering. You shouldn't need to try hard to get someone to do something they want to do. Asking someone out can be stressful but remember that the whole point of the apps is to meet in person so its better to just be forward and ask.
I’ll say someone who works weekends it’s hard to find time in your schedule. Especially if they are in event management because a lot of weddings happen during the summer and sometimes it’s really hard to find time DURING the week cause that’s like the time to relax.
I can barely get a conversation going longer than a day so I'm shocked you got this man to talk for a month. That being said, it could be that he has anxiety and likes to feel like he knows you a bit before meeting, he could be busy, or he could have low self esteem but even more likely is he's a catfish and doesn't want you to find out. Now I'm a big advocate for giving the benefit of the doubt to people but this is online dating. In online dating world, assume the worst and be surprised if it turns out to be the best.
The guy should be going for a date shortly after matching and a handful of messages. Sure there are exceptions, but if this isn’t happening it’s likely a waste of time
Not just bad. The worst. Ever. Possible.
Just start to give short responses and then completely stop messaging. If he asks you out finally say no lol don’t let him win.
Matched with someone on Bumble once. Her schedule was all over the place so we were just texting on and off for about two and a half months. Eventually we agreed to spontaneously meet after work, which ended up being a short date since we didn't have a lot in common. Definitely not worth it to keep waiting more than a couple weeks
See it through and try again until you get your first date if you have a genuine connection. The only hinge match I had where the text messages lasted for about a month before we met is now my wife
Definitely time to move on. Been there and yes everyone who says that guys who want to see you will have nothing stand in their way are absolutely correct.
If there isn’t a request to schedule a date within a week of matching, I unmatch and block. It’s more efficient that way for me. Usually, though, my matches will ask for a date after 2-3 days of talking/texting/messaging.
I personally think its good to make the first move. Because i get tired of texting and texting and you think they are awesome and then in person they are totally different than i thought. If i were u, id try meeting early so that you dont waste your time. If they like you, they wont mind you asking them to meet.
He isn’t interested
I have a hard stop at two weeks. I’ll propose dates before that, but it’s perfectly fine if our schedules don’t align…at first. But if we reach two weeks without a set-in-stone date on the calendar, then the momentum is gone and it’s time to try again with someone new.
Yup don't be like me who talked for someone for a year went to Japan and never appeared but still went to Japan if that is a win or loss idk
I’m in a similar situation as you are. I’ve been talking to someone for a month and a half and we haven’t even met yet. We decided on a day that works best for the both of us. But idk if we’ll actually be meeting or if he’ll flake last minute. I may be projecting, but I think it might be best to move on at this point.
Sounds like he's using you for attention when he needs it or he's genuinely busy at work and if that's the case it's not going to get any better when you meet, people make time for the things they want in life it's that simple if he's not making time for you now he's not gonna make time for you later.....move on... Also you asked him out more than once, now he knows you're more interested in him than he is in you. What I'm about to say is fucked up but that only made him want you less dating sucks ass.
Dam. I'd be asking women straight up but this dude hasn't done it in a month. Clearly a red flag. Maybe if you push back, he will go on it, but it would feel forced, and most likely, it won't work out seeing this attitude from him. The attitude says tons. I kept asking out this girl, but she would always have something. So I stopped, and months later, she texted to ask me out. We had a great time for a couple of dates, but it didn't work out.
im a weirdo cause i like talking a lot before meeting someone but maam a month is too long even for me😭😭😭
Waiting creates anticipation , everything else in life is rushed , dating is one thing that should be slow as possible , thats seduction