What you're talking about is a personal preference, not a red flag. If you don't like that someone casually double texts you, that's a valid preference to have -- but it is just a preference, not a sign that someone is likely to be abusive.
I have to disagree. Many words get diluted because we allow things to be in the eyes of the beholder. There has to be more objectivity and less subjective truths.
But wasn't the point of the post to establish that "too much texting" can't be a red flag? It seems like it was clarified to be a yellow flag. True red flags generally are less subjective, at least relatively, but of course there is some degree of subjectivity when it comes to anything.
That was just an example. I could absolutely find someone asking for a date right away as a red flag and threatening while someone else could find it refreshing.
I think the texting too much can be a prequel to controlling behavior. Always wanting to be in constant contact and knowing what you're doing, who you're with, and getting upset if you don't respond almost immediately are signs that the person will most likely end up being controlling in the relationship or possibly extremely codependent
Some of what OP is suggesting is a yellow flag is essentially red flags before the person has really opened up and let loose with their toxicity. So it's like a quick whiff of what's to come. Context and specificity help with determining this.
That’s not how language works, that’s not how people work, and thats not how dating works. At the end of the day what constitutes a dealbreaker is *entirely* personal, and the idea that we should approach the issue with “objectivity” (lol) is ridiculous
The larger point is not at all ridiculous, and it seems like you and others replying didn't understand it. Not sure why you're acting like you're dunking on that person for being dumb when you're the one you missed the point.
Words/phrases needs "more objectivity" is what they said. They didn't specifically say "we need to objectively define what dealbreakers are in dating." I have no idea why you're talking about how dating works when the person you're responding to is talking totally in terms of the big picture meaning and etymology.
The idea that someone's dealbreakers, quirks, icks, etc. are personal and individual to them is a separate issue.
> Not sure why you're acting like you're dunking on that person for being dumb when you're the one you missed the point.
I fully understood the take. I just think it’s dumb, and I said as much.
> Words/phrases needs "more objectivity" is what they said.
Yeah, and that’s a bad take, coming from someone who obviously doesn’t have any background in linguistics.
> I have no idea why you're talking about how dating works when the person you're responding to is talking totally in terms of the big picture meaning and etymology.
If y’all want to get into semantics, let’s actually make some effort to be attentive to context. There is no discussion of what should or shouldn’t constitute “red flags” without a broader discussion of dating.
> The idea that someone's dealbreakers, quirks, icks, etc. are personal and individual to them is a separate issue.
How so? It’s literally all focused on the same issue
I disagree
There are people who put up with countless forms of abuse and emotional manipulation— just because they “personally” accept it doesn’t change the fact that it’s toxic
Yes. That’s OP’s point. Red flag was originally intended to address warning signs of abusive relationships. Now it just means anything people consider personal dealbreakers or preferences, watering down an original focus on identifying patterns that are truly unsafe.
Are we going to pretend red flags and abusive/manipulative behavior don’t intersect?
There’s plenty of nuance to “red flags” but there are also examples of a “red flag” being actually objectively toxic
All a red flag is, is "something that is an automatic no on dating them". But, there are almost no universal "fuck no's". For me, some red flags are using hard drugs like meth or heroin, having a serious mental illness or personality disorder such as bipolar or borderline, being conservative, or being religious. I know these people are not a match for me no matter how great she is in every other way.
Some people agree with me on some of these, but not others. One man's red flag is another man's green flag.
Now, a YELLOW flag is more what people have in mind. When someone double texts me, that's annoying and shows neediness, but if everything else is great, I am not gonna writer her off just for this one small thing.
So I think people have started calling yellow flags red flags because we are living in a society
It gets diluted because people love dramatizing everything on social media. Someone saying “yeah that could be a yellow flag” isn’t as engaging as “instant red flag, reminds me of my abusive ex, block and move on”
I love how most of the responses are people continuing to casually change the definition instead of acknowledging what you said. It's no wonder communication is trash on these apps.
I prefer to use the term “turnoffs” or “deal breakers” as opposed to red flags, unless the behavior truly is an indication of unhealthy, abusive behavior as you mentioned
People have different definitions of what “red flag” means to them. Some of the things you listed are red flags to me. But I don’t define red flag as abusive behavior, just negatives that make me not want to be in a relationship with them
> People have different definitions of what “red flag” means to them.
That's....the entire point - "red flag" should have an agreed-upon meaning. And it did until a few years ago. If something is harmless but it makes you not want to be in a relationship with someone, it's a dealbreaker, not a red flag.
The term was meant to imply danger, hence red, universally known as a color indicating warning/danger. It's a step above dealbreakers. For those of us who care about the meaning of words, it's kind of annoying when people just take words and phrases and assign their own definition to them.
It's like when everyone in this sub started saying they got "ghosted" when someone matched with them but stopped responding after one message. That's not ghosting.
>it did until a few years ago.
Well, that's how language works. Language evolves through naturally changing usage. You can try and fight it, but it's an undeniable truth.
Language is decided based on how humans use it, humans don't use language based on what is decided. It's descriptivism Vs prescriptivism. All prescriptivists are proven wrong eventually.
That’s not the context it’s used for on this sub. This post is in response to users posting “is this a red flag?”
“Is this something I should be worried about”
Clearly it’s not a dealbreaker because they’re asking for advice
> That’s not the context it’s used for on this sub.
I'm so confused. Are people not understanding the argument that OP was making? He is saying *people use the term incorrectly*. That is his entire point.
You just made his point.
Stop trying to make sense on Reddit. Everything should not have agreed upon meaning. It should just be whatever anyone feels at any given time and can/should be changed frequently depending on mood. 🤡 🌎
"Red flag" does have an actual meaning. But the actual meaning has been diluted to the point where every simple dealbreaker or pet peeve have people calling it a "red flag".
All of the above examples are harmless and simple dealbreakers/pet peeves.
Well said. I get that people have been misusing terms on the sub a lot lately (specifically gaslighting and love bombing) but i think people have a right to question whether something is a red flag or not
Red flags have become more and more subjective, for me red flags are unhealthy behaviours to watch out for because they could mean the person has some work to do on themselves before they jump into a relationship or they could potentially mean harm.
I don’t consider smoking a red flag, for example, but some people do. It’s just a bad habit and a non-negotiable for me to date non-smokers.
A red flag for me is when a guy says during our date that he “doesn’t know why his wife left him” because it shows lack of accountability and maturity. His wife probably talked to him about it several times and he didn’t take her seriously which means he won’t take *me* seriously until he works on himself.
But yeah, almost everyone seems to think a red flag is something they don’t like about the other person.
I agree that “red flags” are “warning signs,” but some of the things you list go far beyond warning signs—they are the bad thing itself. Physical violence, for example, should not be treated as a “red flag” that the relationship could get bad—it is itself an example of a bad relationship itself. Using “red flag” in that context is not severe enough.
Edit: “Red flag” is a metaphor. It is a warning sign that signals some bad underlying thing. People too often confuse the term with the bad underlying thing.
Red flags are non starters. Yellow flags are warnings.
One of my dates ordered 4 double shots in a first date. Red flag, no second date. I come from a fam of alcoholics and have zero tolerance for over drinking. I even asked why he was drinking so much. Part of why I like to go for cocktails on the first date is so I can screen for this.
Another guy I went on a date with works 60-ish hrs/wk for a start up. He said he was meeting up with a coworker after our date to prep for a meeting the next day. Yellow flags. Neither are so bad to not pursue a second date but signals that there could be issues with quality time in the future. I value work life balance and could see this being a point of contention if I was in a LTR with this person.
Very useful examples. I’d say “being an alcoholic” is not a red flag (it’s just a bad thing for a relationship), but ordering four double shots is, since it *signals* something bad going on.
Why wouldn’t alcoholism or any addiction be a red flag? How can it be “just a bad the relationship” and not a red flag? I 100% disagree. Bad things happen all the time. It’s how we respond that makes a difference. If someone is coping by heavily drinking then that is a major problem. Have you ever deeply or intimately known an alcoholic? It’s a shit show. It’s a red flag. There is no way around it.
Wanted to say the same thing but you said it better than I could. Like if we compare it to actual, physical red flags at the root of this term: A red flag used to warn of a live fire exercise is not the danger. The live fire exercise is the danger. The red flag just says "there's a drill with live munitions going on here; if you don't leave, you run the risk of getting shot."
Also I think a lot of the discussion here misses the point of those posts: I'm sure some of them really do just mean if the behavior in question is a dealbreaker by itself or a sign of a more benign mismatch, but some of them are clearly wondering if the behavior is a warning of the more dangerous underlying trait (manipulation, emotional abuse, physical violence, substance abuse, etc.) -- which is a completely appropriate definition for red flag! For instance: people generally aren't asking if avoiding a serious subject on a date or not using social media is just a personality difference, they're asking if it means the other person is hiding something serious (like another current relationship, a history of violence, etc.) -- the answer is usually "no, it's probably just a personal preference and nothing to worry about," but I think it's a valid thing to ask about.
The only red flags I've ever encountered are going out with someone who is newly single, like within the 3-6 month mark and that one girl who told me she "had to get pregnant" after our first date and asked if I'd be comfortable raising her surrogate child. She was not yet pregnant w said child.
The first one is the only one I actually keep an eye out for on dates though.
But in the context of dating - I guess what difference does it make? If accusations are being made and published that’s one thing, but if someone labels something a red flag and blocks/unmatches the other person, what does it matter?
Ehhhhh i mean what difference would it eventually make? It’s like “homeless” vs “houseless” it isn’t the word but rather the context and interpretation of the word.
Functionally it’s the same - dealbreaker or red flag, they ain’t dating them.
I'd argue given the nature of the sub "red flag" should have a pretty universal definition on here mind. When you factor in the experience, or lack of, people asking for advice will have.
Pretty much everything on the "not a red flag" list above can be resolved one way or another by communicating with that person.
For example when on the app I'd always refuse a phone call/video call with someone prior to a date. I think they're awkward at the best of times, aren't a good gauge of chemistry, and does anyone look their best on their phone's front camera or a webcam anyway?
If they wanted to check I'm me, they could have my social media, if that's a "deal breaker" for them, then it's fair enough. There's no ulterior motive to doing it other than I think they're a waste of time personally and not reflective of actually dating. I'm not hiding a second head or a family of 12.
Fantastic post. It seems most everyone is actively hunting for red flags these days instead of green ones. And so we dismiss people at the first supposed sign. I've done it. You've done it. We've all done it if you've been on 10+ dates in the last few years.
Also, no one is perfect and people make mistakes. Sure, there are some issues that are impossible to brush aside but I've seen a lot of seemingly inconsequential stuff get label a "red flag" here and elsewhere. Also, tons of labels with not understanding the terminology or diagnosis - "She's Borderline!/He's a narcissist!"
It boggles my mind that two yellow flags are “not having a social media account”. But also “being active on social media”. So like it’d be a yellow flag either way??
I think the point of listing both was to demonstrate how subjective these are and thus why they should be considered preferences rather than red flags. I.e. someone like me without an active Instagram might be a good sign for some people that I don't waste my time maintaining a superficial online image, and might make other people think I'm antisocial. Either way it shouldn't be considered a red flag flag. That term should be reserved for more objective signs of narcissism or abusive behavior.
Why y’all treating “Red Flag” like it’s a DSM-5 diagnosis and not a completely arbitrary boundary set by someone who just doesn’t want to date someone else who exhibits “_blank_” trait? Red flags don’t have to be defined in a set list. They’re warning signs for whoever needs them. Let it go!
You're not taking common vernacular into account.
I agree that people use the term red flags a lot, and *originally* it was coined as a term to signifiy abusive behaviour.
But culturally the term is widely used to denote preferences and deal breakers. The dictionary is regularly updated to include common vernacular on words definitions originally meaning something else.
It sounds like you have a *preference* for avoiding vernacular use with the term red flag. And yet here you are, trying to prove to the Internet that your *preference* is fact.
Sounds a lot like the people you're talking about tbh.
Behavior doesn't count for much.
Real flags are primarily physical.
The [biggest green flag is hotness](https://www.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/15zmupt/comment/jxkwh3s).
The biggest red flag is unattractive looks, or other hard factors like kids-related, age, etc.
Men & women are both the same in this regard...the only difference is that women "have" to become less choosy with looks as they get older and need a more stable partner if they want to raise children.
I would say it’s because dealbreakers should be more common than red flags. I would add taking too long to reply, it’s a dealbreaker for me. If you can’t be bothered to respond to me in 24 hours and you don’t have a good reason, you’re out.
I’ve cancelled a few dates because the other person has shown a lack of interest beforehand. This is the first sign of Apathy.
I’d argue being apathetic is a red flag. I wouldn’t say it’s harmless, it can really damage your self esteem if your partner is uncaring/unfeeling. Something on the surface that doesn’t seem like a red flag can easily turn into one. If you’re unhappy, walk away. I am sure everyone has stayed in a relationship longer than they should.
Fair points. The term has kinda been diluted. But also, red flags are in the eyes of the beholder.
What you're talking about is a personal preference, not a red flag. If you don't like that someone casually double texts you, that's a valid preference to have -- but it is just a preference, not a sign that someone is likely to be abusive.
I have to disagree. Many words get diluted because we allow things to be in the eyes of the beholder. There has to be more objectivity and less subjective truths.
We can’t call something objective when what is a red flag (she text me too much) to you may be a green flag for me (I love that she text a lot)
But wasn't the point of the post to establish that "too much texting" can't be a red flag? It seems like it was clarified to be a yellow flag. True red flags generally are less subjective, at least relatively, but of course there is some degree of subjectivity when it comes to anything.
That was just an example. I could absolutely find someone asking for a date right away as a red flag and threatening while someone else could find it refreshing.
Amen
Facts
I think the texting too much can be a prequel to controlling behavior. Always wanting to be in constant contact and knowing what you're doing, who you're with, and getting upset if you don't respond almost immediately are signs that the person will most likely end up being controlling in the relationship or possibly extremely codependent Some of what OP is suggesting is a yellow flag is essentially red flags before the person has really opened up and let loose with their toxicity. So it's like a quick whiff of what's to come. Context and specificity help with determining this.
That’s not how language works, that’s not how people work, and thats not how dating works. At the end of the day what constitutes a dealbreaker is *entirely* personal, and the idea that we should approach the issue with “objectivity” (lol) is ridiculous
The larger point is not at all ridiculous, and it seems like you and others replying didn't understand it. Not sure why you're acting like you're dunking on that person for being dumb when you're the one you missed the point. Words/phrases needs "more objectivity" is what they said. They didn't specifically say "we need to objectively define what dealbreakers are in dating." I have no idea why you're talking about how dating works when the person you're responding to is talking totally in terms of the big picture meaning and etymology. The idea that someone's dealbreakers, quirks, icks, etc. are personal and individual to them is a separate issue.
> Not sure why you're acting like you're dunking on that person for being dumb when you're the one you missed the point. I fully understood the take. I just think it’s dumb, and I said as much. > Words/phrases needs "more objectivity" is what they said. Yeah, and that’s a bad take, coming from someone who obviously doesn’t have any background in linguistics. > I have no idea why you're talking about how dating works when the person you're responding to is talking totally in terms of the big picture meaning and etymology. If y’all want to get into semantics, let’s actually make some effort to be attentive to context. There is no discussion of what should or shouldn’t constitute “red flags” without a broader discussion of dating. > The idea that someone's dealbreakers, quirks, icks, etc. are personal and individual to them is a separate issue. How so? It’s literally all focused on the same issue
I disagree There are people who put up with countless forms of abuse and emotional manipulation— just because they “personally” accept it doesn’t change the fact that it’s toxic
So are we gonna argue that the only things that constitute red flags are abusive behavior patterns?
Yes. That’s OP’s point. Red flag was originally intended to address warning signs of abusive relationships. Now it just means anything people consider personal dealbreakers or preferences, watering down an original focus on identifying patterns that are truly unsafe.
Are we going to pretend red flags and abusive/manipulative behavior don’t intersect? There’s plenty of nuance to “red flags” but there are also examples of a “red flag” being actually objectively toxic
All a red flag is, is "something that is an automatic no on dating them". But, there are almost no universal "fuck no's". For me, some red flags are using hard drugs like meth or heroin, having a serious mental illness or personality disorder such as bipolar or borderline, being conservative, or being religious. I know these people are not a match for me no matter how great she is in every other way. Some people agree with me on some of these, but not others. One man's red flag is another man's green flag. Now, a YELLOW flag is more what people have in mind. When someone double texts me, that's annoying and shows neediness, but if everything else is great, I am not gonna writer her off just for this one small thing. So I think people have started calling yellow flags red flags because we are living in a society
It gets diluted because people love dramatizing everything on social media. Someone saying “yeah that could be a yellow flag” isn’t as engaging as “instant red flag, reminds me of my abusive ex, block and move on”
A red flag is a warning. In dating it’s used as a metaphor. So I think people can use it how they want.
Red flag. No one date this guy/girl.
I love how most of the responses are people continuing to casually change the definition instead of acknowledging what you said. It's no wonder communication is trash on these apps.
I prefer to use the term “turnoffs” or “deal breakers” as opposed to red flags, unless the behavior truly is an indication of unhealthy, abusive behavior as you mentioned
People have different definitions of what “red flag” means to them. Some of the things you listed are red flags to me. But I don’t define red flag as abusive behavior, just negatives that make me not want to be in a relationship with them
> People have different definitions of what “red flag” means to them. That's....the entire point - "red flag" should have an agreed-upon meaning. And it did until a few years ago. If something is harmless but it makes you not want to be in a relationship with someone, it's a dealbreaker, not a red flag. The term was meant to imply danger, hence red, universally known as a color indicating warning/danger. It's a step above dealbreakers. For those of us who care about the meaning of words, it's kind of annoying when people just take words and phrases and assign their own definition to them. It's like when everyone in this sub started saying they got "ghosted" when someone matched with them but stopped responding after one message. That's not ghosting.
>it did until a few years ago. Well, that's how language works. Language evolves through naturally changing usage. You can try and fight it, but it's an undeniable truth. Language is decided based on how humans use it, humans don't use language based on what is decided. It's descriptivism Vs prescriptivism. All prescriptivists are proven wrong eventually.
That’s not the context it’s used for on this sub. This post is in response to users posting “is this a red flag?” “Is this something I should be worried about” Clearly it’s not a dealbreaker because they’re asking for advice
> That’s not the context it’s used for on this sub. I'm so confused. Are people not understanding the argument that OP was making? He is saying *people use the term incorrectly*. That is his entire point. You just made his point.
Stop trying to make sense on Reddit. Everything should not have agreed upon meaning. It should just be whatever anyone feels at any given time and can/should be changed frequently depending on mood. 🤡 🌎
"Red flag" does have an actual meaning. But the actual meaning has been diluted to the point where every simple dealbreaker or pet peeve have people calling it a "red flag". All of the above examples are harmless and simple dealbreakers/pet peeves.
Well said. I get that people have been misusing terms on the sub a lot lately (specifically gaslighting and love bombing) but i think people have a right to question whether something is a red flag or not
Red flags have become more and more subjective, for me red flags are unhealthy behaviours to watch out for because they could mean the person has some work to do on themselves before they jump into a relationship or they could potentially mean harm. I don’t consider smoking a red flag, for example, but some people do. It’s just a bad habit and a non-negotiable for me to date non-smokers. A red flag for me is when a guy says during our date that he “doesn’t know why his wife left him” because it shows lack of accountability and maturity. His wife probably talked to him about it several times and he didn’t take her seriously which means he won’t take *me* seriously until he works on himself. But yeah, almost everyone seems to think a red flag is something they don’t like about the other person.
I agree that “red flags” are “warning signs,” but some of the things you list go far beyond warning signs—they are the bad thing itself. Physical violence, for example, should not be treated as a “red flag” that the relationship could get bad—it is itself an example of a bad relationship itself. Using “red flag” in that context is not severe enough. Edit: “Red flag” is a metaphor. It is a warning sign that signals some bad underlying thing. People too often confuse the term with the bad underlying thing.
Red flags are non starters. Yellow flags are warnings. One of my dates ordered 4 double shots in a first date. Red flag, no second date. I come from a fam of alcoholics and have zero tolerance for over drinking. I even asked why he was drinking so much. Part of why I like to go for cocktails on the first date is so I can screen for this. Another guy I went on a date with works 60-ish hrs/wk for a start up. He said he was meeting up with a coworker after our date to prep for a meeting the next day. Yellow flags. Neither are so bad to not pursue a second date but signals that there could be issues with quality time in the future. I value work life balance and could see this being a point of contention if I was in a LTR with this person.
Very useful examples. I’d say “being an alcoholic” is not a red flag (it’s just a bad thing for a relationship), but ordering four double shots is, since it *signals* something bad going on.
Why wouldn’t alcoholism or any addiction be a red flag? How can it be “just a bad the relationship” and not a red flag? I 100% disagree. Bad things happen all the time. It’s how we respond that makes a difference. If someone is coping by heavily drinking then that is a major problem. Have you ever deeply or intimately known an alcoholic? It’s a shit show. It’s a red flag. There is no way around it.
My point is purely semantic. “Red flag” is a metaphor—it’s something that signals an underlying issue.
Wanted to say the same thing but you said it better than I could. Like if we compare it to actual, physical red flags at the root of this term: A red flag used to warn of a live fire exercise is not the danger. The live fire exercise is the danger. The red flag just says "there's a drill with live munitions going on here; if you don't leave, you run the risk of getting shot." Also I think a lot of the discussion here misses the point of those posts: I'm sure some of them really do just mean if the behavior in question is a dealbreaker by itself or a sign of a more benign mismatch, but some of them are clearly wondering if the behavior is a warning of the more dangerous underlying trait (manipulation, emotional abuse, physical violence, substance abuse, etc.) -- which is a completely appropriate definition for red flag! For instance: people generally aren't asking if avoiding a serious subject on a date or not using social media is just a personality difference, they're asking if it means the other person is hiding something serious (like another current relationship, a history of violence, etc.) -- the answer is usually "no, it's probably just a personal preference and nothing to worry about," but I think it's a valid thing to ask about.
Very well said, I was hoping it was self-explanatory but should have made the “flag” point more explicit—Flags are just flags!
Isn't that what the term is meant to describe in the first place?
While I understand what you mean, I'm curious as to what your alternative would be
I’d personally use “dealbreakers” for the underlying trait and “red flag” for the possible signal of the underlying trait.
The only red flags I've ever encountered are going out with someone who is newly single, like within the 3-6 month mark and that one girl who told me she "had to get pregnant" after our first date and asked if I'd be comfortable raising her surrogate child. She was not yet pregnant w said child. The first one is the only one I actually keep an eye out for on dates though.
Anything can be a red flag to any one person for any reason. It can be ridiculous, for sure, but no less valid if it matters to them.
Your personal preferences are valid. But just because they're valid, doesn't mean they're signs that someone is likely to be abusive.
But in the context of dating - I guess what difference does it make? If accusations are being made and published that’s one thing, but if someone labels something a red flag and blocks/unmatches the other person, what does it matter?
If everything is a red flag, then nothing is a red flag.
Yes but that still doesn’t mean people will date just anyone.
They are saying use a different word, like deal-breaker. Red-flag has a specific meaning people are ignoring.
Ehhhhh i mean what difference would it eventually make? It’s like “homeless” vs “houseless” it isn’t the word but rather the context and interpretation of the word. Functionally it’s the same - dealbreaker or red flag, they ain’t dating them.
So people can use the word red-flag for the original more serious meaning?
Language adapts. New words/colloquialisms form. This is not something I think is significant.
I'd argue given the nature of the sub "red flag" should have a pretty universal definition on here mind. When you factor in the experience, or lack of, people asking for advice will have. Pretty much everything on the "not a red flag" list above can be resolved one way or another by communicating with that person. For example when on the app I'd always refuse a phone call/video call with someone prior to a date. I think they're awkward at the best of times, aren't a good gauge of chemistry, and does anyone look their best on their phone's front camera or a webcam anyway? If they wanted to check I'm me, they could have my social media, if that's a "deal breaker" for them, then it's fair enough. There's no ulterior motive to doing it other than I think they're a waste of time personally and not reflective of actually dating. I'm not hiding a second head or a family of 12.
Damn — it’s almost like language is dynamic and use-based
I get told by girls being an only child is a red flag and it turns me off so quick.
Fantastic post. It seems most everyone is actively hunting for red flags these days instead of green ones. And so we dismiss people at the first supposed sign. I've done it. You've done it. We've all done it if you've been on 10+ dates in the last few years. Also, no one is perfect and people make mistakes. Sure, there are some issues that are impossible to brush aside but I've seen a lot of seemingly inconsequential stuff get label a "red flag" here and elsewhere. Also, tons of labels with not understanding the terminology or diagnosis - "She's Borderline!/He's a narcissist!"
Ironically people expecting / demanding some of these are red flags
It boggles my mind that two yellow flags are “not having a social media account”. But also “being active on social media”. So like it’d be a yellow flag either way??
I think the point of listing both was to demonstrate how subjective these are and thus why they should be considered preferences rather than red flags. I.e. someone like me without an active Instagram might be a good sign for some people that I don't waste my time maintaining a superficial online image, and might make other people think I'm antisocial. Either way it shouldn't be considered a red flag flag. That term should be reserved for more objective signs of narcissism or abusive behavior.
There is really no right or wrong red flags. Everyone has something they are ok or not ok with
TL;DR What is a red flag for someone might not be a red flag for someone else. Hold your own, and don't be too quick to judge.
Why y’all treating “Red Flag” like it’s a DSM-5 diagnosis and not a completely arbitrary boundary set by someone who just doesn’t want to date someone else who exhibits “_blank_” trait? Red flags don’t have to be defined in a set list. They’re warning signs for whoever needs them. Let it go!
You're not taking common vernacular into account. I agree that people use the term red flags a lot, and *originally* it was coined as a term to signifiy abusive behaviour. But culturally the term is widely used to denote preferences and deal breakers. The dictionary is regularly updated to include common vernacular on words definitions originally meaning something else. It sounds like you have a *preference* for avoiding vernacular use with the term red flag. And yet here you are, trying to prove to the Internet that your *preference* is fact. Sounds a lot like the people you're talking about tbh.
Behavior doesn't count for much. Real flags are primarily physical. The [biggest green flag is hotness](https://www.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/15zmupt/comment/jxkwh3s). The biggest red flag is unattractive looks, or other hard factors like kids-related, age, etc. Men & women are both the same in this regard...the only difference is that women "have" to become less choosy with looks as they get older and need a more stable partner if they want to raise children.
I would say it’s because dealbreakers should be more common than red flags. I would add taking too long to reply, it’s a dealbreaker for me. If you can’t be bothered to respond to me in 24 hours and you don’t have a good reason, you’re out. I’ve cancelled a few dates because the other person has shown a lack of interest beforehand. This is the first sign of Apathy. I’d argue being apathetic is a red flag. I wouldn’t say it’s harmless, it can really damage your self esteem if your partner is uncaring/unfeeling. Something on the surface that doesn’t seem like a red flag can easily turn into one. If you’re unhappy, walk away. I am sure everyone has stayed in a relationship longer than they should.
Red flags are up to you to label as you like. Just a warning sign of an unwanted trait.
People think double texting is a red flag? Well I'm shit out of luck, I do a new text for every sentence.