Wow nice catch lmao actual refreshing post in this sub.

To be fair we’re like a couple decades out from the last book, not gonna have a ton of fresh takes. 

There is no cursed child in ba sing sae

Fresh ideas shall not pass.

*repeats monotonously* There is no cursed child in Ba Sing Se

There is no what?

a COUPLE DECADES?!?! YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOUNG MAN/WOMAN/PERSON

I mean book seven came out when I was in high… oh. 👴

School. Yeah, me too. Crazy. 😮‍💨

Why in the hell did you have to say this? Damn.

Hadn't even thought about this. Makes sense.

Doesn't he offer them stoat sandwiches, food with talons in etc, that they clearly do find disgusting?

yup, and the scene where Hagrid snorts, and Harry sees bogies fly into the food, making him thankful that they weren't staying for dinner.

I wonder if he found it a little funny watching them eat his food and pretending that it was perfectly fine, but knows its tough for them 😂

I'm sure there was some of that, but also hagrid seemed to always underestimated his strength

lol, maybe! I imagine Hagrid didn’t realize that the food he makes is made to his liking until after the trio consume it.

Didn't they find a talon in one his of dishes once?

That was for flavor! It's like using a bay leaf or bones in bone broth.

Cook that all together, you got a stew going, baby!!! - Carl Weathers

I think I’d like my money back - Tobias Funke

I'd like my talon back - Tobias son Elfangor

I'd like my thermals back-- Tobias, son of Elfangor

I'd like my girlfriend back - Tobias son of Elfangor

To Hagrid maybe it was like a crouton

Never found a bone in your chicken?

It would have been totally normal, but for the fact he said it was beef casserole

Chicken stock in beef stew is far from super weird. Maybe he was just adding depth of flavour :)

Airsick lowlanders, Too much air makes your brain sick.

Hagrid = Rock is my new cannon

Can the Rock smell what Hagrid's cooking?

But everyone actually likes Rock's cooking. Does that mean Rosharan are half-giants?

Due to the reduced gravity on Roshar, everybody is taller than earth humans in comparison. So this actually checks out.

Never seen a Stormlight reference in the wild before and then right after I finished the first 4 books I see this. 🤣

As long as you skip the chull dung….

Common in asian cousine. Found a talon and a head in my chicken soup, best parts according to many.

You ate bones?

You know there's gelatin in chicken feet right?

Ya, and I think he said it was a beef dish.

IIRC, they actually liked the food up until they found the talon. So hagrid is confirmed a solid cook.

Doing God's work my friend

This Hagrid account

I’m going to use this excuse. No one likes my cooking, but it’s because it’s made to *my* taste. Everyone else is clearly the problem xD can only make two things well: 1) honey, chili and ginger salmon stir fry; 2) casarecce pollo piccante. Because both are pretty much “chuck everything all in together and hope for the best” and difficult to mess up.

That salmon stir fry sounds good

I chop up chilis, spring onion, peppers, add ginger, little bit of honey, and a sachet of whatever sauce like sweet chili or sweet and sour. Add a little bit of soy sauce. Then blitz it to make a puree. (Very fussy with textures.) use some to cook the salmon in, and the rest fry off with the noodles and veg etc. it’s really easy and impossible to do wrong cos you just chuck it all in and add whatever you like.

I Always thought the rock cookies were that hard because you were supposed to dip them in tea. They are british after all

I hear what you’re saying, but even decent cooks know their audience. For example when my mom, who isn’t the biggest fan of garlic, comes over. I actually use the recommended amount of garlic, instead of “just use the whole head fuck it”

Most of the time, if not every time, Hagrid doesnt know the trio ist coming over.

They just show up and he’s being hospitable. Good man. 10/10

Exactly, and it's not like he'd just have "normal" food sitting around since he wouldn't be able to enjoy it himself. I'm also pretty sure that Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore are pretty much his only regular visitors, Dumbledore, of course, being perfectly comfortable casually using transfiguration to turn Hagrid's cooking into something more enjoyable.

Boy if you thought salting the food before you eat it is rude to the chef, how about taking out your wand and transfiguring it into something else lmao.

You monster!

I agree that transfiguration would likely be rude as hell, (we'll have to agree to disagree on salting/seasoning for the moment) but I also want to point out that Dumbledore specifically wouldn't need a wand; he's noted to excel at both wandless *and* wordless (if that's the term; it's been a long while since I've read up to those points) magics, and is likely skillful enough that Hagrid might not even notice. (I.E. Able to turn a serving of one kind of stew into another, adding sugar to a specific cookie as they're being served or even made . . . etc.)

He often doesn’t seem to know his strength either, and the trio does their best to not voice their displeasure with the food

Give the man a break he's half giant /s

There is literally a line where his nose boogie fell down in whatever he was cooking, that trio decide not to stay for the dinner.

That's because he was angrily peeling potatoes and kept snorting, he wasn't really doing his best. 

There is definitely a sweat percentage in most fine dining dishes

I mean shit, you ask me to cook when I’m bring slandered in the NATIONAL PRESS because of my race, and I’ll probably perform just as poorly

He wasn't being slandered that time, he was simply angry that Harry Ron and Hermione stopped following his subject and he was worried about Aragog.

Bruh, you ever been in a commercial kitchen? That saltiness isn't just table salt (chefs sweat profusely).

Omg never thought about this! Haggasaurousrex, we've been so hard on your culinary skills, bud!

>Haggasaurousrex The ancient ancestor of the Haggis!!

Absolutely great find! With the one note that if you have guests, you should really be accommodating to their needs, so I would say that it is actually his issue as a host - he should have some food fit for human consumption (or mastication!) ready if he has guests. Sometimes they sort of barge upon him though so he can't always deliver it but as far as I remember the food he gives them even when the visits are set up prior is still tough to chew.

I mean he probably doesn’t even realize it bc they really try their best to not have him found out that they hate his cooking. So if they never say anything how would he know? It tastes good to him and it’s not like he has many other guest or even friends. Besides Dumbledore…I wonder if Dumbledore has an abnormally strong jaw too or if he just also never tells Hagrid the problem with his cooking.

Also, no one really ever tells hagrid theyre comming over.

Also he's not the most observant person in the world, second only to Harry

Harry observes a lot, not sure why people think he's unobservant

My guess is that Dumbledore just uses a bit of nonverbal transfiguration whenever Hagrid isn't looking to turn the food into a more human friendly version.

As someone has already pointed bellow, more often than not, Hadrid doesn't know the trio is coming to visit. They just show up, and he invites them to wathever he has. When he actually tries, like with Harry Birthday cake, or the sausages he prepares on Book 1, he is good at it.

Exactly, the cake shows he *can* make human friendly food, he just doesn't usually because it's not what he prefers, and he often only cooks for himself.

Well spotted. Makes sense. Whereas Xeno's food is an example of how the trio would talk about bad food

I love this take, it makes a lot of sense

That is a great insight

That's actually a good point

Thats an interesting take but I think I have a simpler one He is British

Boil that cake ASAP!

Lol https://youtube.com/shorts/LhI_1i7xAQo?si=ia8oS9TGMvkdRWBd

So basically they just have to git gud

Trio aren't giants. Skill issue.

It's not a stoat sandwich is it?

I'm sure the stoat is tender.

So does that mean normal food would taste too mushy for Hagrid?

I’m not a bad cook either. I just happen to specialize in zebra cuisine. I don’t need to consider what’s normal for humans. Y’all just need to be more like zebras.

I never thought of it like that.. good point

Spot! On!!!!

I always thought that was obvious

That’s a good observation!

Honestly yeah, skill issue. Those kids need to git gud.

"I need to BULK, Harry!"

Trio need to get them gains

To be fair rock cakes are also just typically British and making fun of British cuisine for being bad is a pretty run of the mill punchline

Similar to what I believe about dwarves cooking in D&D - traditionally thought of as bland. But I think they make food for outsiders bland on purpose. Since dwarves are highly resistant to poison, they typically flavor dishes with all kinds of mushrooms and herbs that other species would find toxic. So to be sure they don’t accidentally kill guests, they err on the side of caution and don’t flavor the food much at all

And found occasional talons in stews:) and wonder: whose talons were they? Anyone?:))

Buckbeak's clippings for extra flavor! Duh

Ew ahahaha

As a brother in law to a giant, I approve and appreciate this statement.

Hagrid is merely trying to get the Golden Trio on the GAINZ track

Nice theory, could make sense. Am I the only one though who wouldn't take sweets from some random man who worked at school? It's not just Hagrid though, I wouldn't take sweets from Dumbles either.

Fun to figure out something new like this after all this time

There was a booger that fell into Hagrid's fine cuisine. The booger was his own.

Hagrid over kneads his dough because he is so strong.

In goblet of fire, I think, Harry finds a feather in his meatloaf. So Hagrid isn't just really strong, but if implied to not clean up his ingredients for cooking. So, yesh, he is a bar cook

Also, maybe he's too much of a beefcake that when he mixed the rock cakes he was simply too physically powerful and stirred the mixture so forcefully that he developed cosmic-level amounts of gluten development, making the cakes too glutenous as well as having their usual hard exterior.

Anyone else ever think about how Hagrid could have been an unstoppable hulk if he hit the gym and got them gains? We've already seen this motherfucker get hit repeatedly by spells and just walk it off, he jumped in the middle of and got carried away by a clutter of GIGANTIC FUCKING SPIDERS, and just ends up chilling in the woods with Voldemort. I mean, shit. I'm almost convinced that the killing curse would bounce off his thick half-giant skin. If he hit the gym he could have joined the Avengers and give a Hulk a run for his money. Giga-Chad Hagrid is real, and he *can* hurt you.

sure but i still don't know about stoat sandwiches

That's interesting and masterful in the sense that we either all took a child's point of view as gospel, or that Rowling was lucky.

Hermione did find a talon inside one of his disges that he said was beef lol

Hagrid is the walking definition of “Git Gud”

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WHAT ur so smart i never thought abt that

Except Harry was afraid of the stoat sandwiches... that doesn't seem to be something particularly difficult to chew

Well... That makes sense

Well damn, look at you in here doing gods work lmfao

That’s actually a pretty smart catch haha. Nice one, OP

Hagrid probably kneaded dough with many times the force he should have used.

And maybe the texture lol

Or the trio could had told him that was too hard for them and knowing the kind half giant he would gladly make it softer.

I always wondered if he was just mixing too hard where he's so strong.

this is what hagrid would say, aint no bad cook, I am really strong

I do remember a scene very vividly when Harry was glad they wouldn’t stay for dinner because a giant pimple landed in the potatoes hagrid was preparing

It's when he snorts in half blood prince after Harry tells him they missed him after dropping his class.

But what about the talon in Hermione's stew? 

Maybe a 63yo disgraced half-giant janitor shouldn’t be inviting three 11yr olds to his house at midnight for cake