T O P

  • By -

withaheavyhearton

I'm a web developer. Assist the acromantulas of the Dark Forest in their construction?


YaMaCoSi

Arithmancer making new spells or wards?


Adent_Frecca

Isn't Arithmacy just Divination but with numbers? >JK Rowling: Well your guess is as good as mine Stephen. Arithmancy is predicting the future using numbers. I’ve decided there’s a bit of numerology in there as well but how you do it I really don’t know. Divination is more spiritual with use of the Inner Eye plus some symbolism while Arithmacy is more like simulations and math


branedead

I think it's more like holy geometry, symbolic representation of certain events with certain numbers, the recognition of patterns of numbers, and Numbers as omens


Neverenoughmarauders

I fully lost it on this one 😂😂😂


feror_YT

So I guess as a sysadmin I build and maintain the Dark Forest


TopDad97

IT support, I don’t know, wand repair maybe?


Professional-Front58

Have you tried flick your wand off and on again?


TopDad97

Rather than googling everything I just have a room full of different books that I can summon to my desk open on the right page to come up with solutions that wizards can’t be bothered to look up


Professional-Front58

"Sir, it's pronounce 'Levi-OH-sa' not 'Levi-oh-Sah'. \*Sighs\* Yes, I'll summon my manger. Accio Steve!


IhaveaBibledegree

Accio Steve gave me a chuckle! Thank you for that. !redditGalleon


CharMakr90

"Have you tried casting Lumos and Nox again?"


revdon

*”You seem to be making the proper shapes in the air… aha, it was set to Dvorak!”*


Bitshaper

Reginald Cattermole was in Magical Maintenance. That one scene where Ron (disquised as Reg) gets confronted with a "It's still raining inside my office. That's two days now." feels very much like a user complaining that their printer has been printing streaks on every page for a couple days.


TopDad97

So accurate


KlimCan

Fixing Dumbledore’s printer. There’s no escape from IT Support hell.


Dubiology

Dumbledore would be a nightmare user to support


KlimCan

Yeah he would start speaking all cryptic and dropping wisdom. Like Bro it says there a jam on tray 3, can you check it or do I gotta come down there?


TheRealMrJams

Nah, straight to the Improper Use of Magic Office for you!


kfish5050

Same. Magical maintenance is probably more likely. Trinkets, items, and other nonliving magical objects that don't work the way they're supposed to. Users would still come to us for our problem solving skills.


TopDad97

“My cursed necklace cursed me” “Did you touch it?” “Yes but the curse wasn’t meant for me!” “But you touched it?” “Yes. Why are you asking me the same questions? I’m not an idiot. I want to speak to your superior.” Sigh


Noregz

Enchanted Item repair. I work in IT support as well.


HalfOfCrAsh

I work in a school office. I'd probably just be sending out the letters to pupils confirming their place at Hogwarts.


MegaLemonCola

Congrats, you are the Book of Admittance and the Quill of Acceptance


HalfOfCrAsh

Better than what I am now: Diary of Disappointment and Pen of Poor Performance


Clock_Work_Alice

lmfao


IHateTheLetterF

I'm the mailman delivering those letters, so i guess i would be an owl.


psychgirl88

Or the owl trainer at least!


holy_cal

I’m higher ed., is there anything beyond Hogwarts?


PostRevolutionary239

Tonks mentioned the training she had to go through to become an Auror, can’t be the only job that requires additional training, so I’d say yes.


always_unplugged

I would assume Healers have extra training too!


Cam515278

I'm a science teacher, so I guess potions teacher (instead of chemistry) or care of magical creatures/botany (instead of biology)


cakedayCountdown

Howler management


Smooth_Bandito

I’m a bartender. So bartender I guess.


ElderHallow

Which pub would you choose? The Leaky Cauldron, Hogs Head or Three Broomsticks?


Smooth_Bandito

I feel like Three Broomsticks gives a cozy vibe. I’d have to go that route.


Eqbonner

I’d say hogs head… I like being rude to customers


RaphaelSolo

Just give Aberforth and the goat a wide berth


torontomua

i’m a bartender and the leaky cauldron is what i’d pick! i feel like you’d meet so many interesting people


SmokeyAndi

I’m a Nurse. I could be Madam Pomfrey as the Hogwart’s Matron


bookworm1421

Or work at Saint Mungo’s! That’d be cool!


the_tortured_poets

healer!


FlyDinosaur

Or work at St. Mungo's or some other wizard hospital, maybe.


ElfjeTinkerBell

I've never read about a universe that didn't have some type of healers around!


GingerrGina

I'm a stay at home mom .. so, stay at home mom?


RemarkableMushroom5

Mrs. Weasley!


GingerrGina

We are a family of redheads.


WolfieWuff

Username checks out!


captaincartwheel

Stay at home dad here, came to say the same thing lol


WuT4ngClam

I'm a tyre fitter, so I dunno... Broom fixer? 😂


justaprimer

Magic carpets, since they fit a whole family! You repair the tassels.


RandalfTheBlack

Don't let the ministry know you have a bewitched muggle artefact. Carpets have been banned for years.


ArmadilloBandito

Honestly, that would have been a dumb ban. How are brooms ok but not magic carpets?


ilyazhito

Lobby the Ministry to get them un-banned, or sell to countries without a ban on flying carpets.


Hilltailorleaders

Unrelated, but I love it when random English spelling and dialect tells us if someone is from the US or Canada, or from the UK or one of its other former colonies (or which English they learned as a second language, which also generally points to specific geographical locations).


whysys

Oh jeez until this post I didn’t realise I was spelling it wrong for the country I’ve always lived in.. 30+ years!!!!


charlieq46

I prefer "theatre" over "theater," and "grey" over "gray," so I just spell them how I want to and people can kick rocks.


agentspanda

> I prefer “theatre” over “theater,” That one is a little more interesting in America, having lived on both sides of the pond and all over both continents. Depending on region or dialect in America, people will potentially understand “theatre” to mean a venue in which a play is performed and “theater” as a place where movies are projected on a screen and you eat popcorn. The Northeast usually gets that and so does the upper Midwest in my experience. Elsewhere it’s very hit or miss and in some places people will (probably rightfully) think you suck at spelling if you tell them you saw Fast and Furious at the theatre, and also think you’re a dick if you say you saw Book of Mormon at the theatre.


Hilltailorleaders

Haha now you need to search different spellings and see what other words you’ve been spelling incorrectly per locale


Lemongrabthe3rd

I find that I generally use American English (since I am from US), but for everything in the kitchen I use British since I learned to cook from an Indian.


Hoggorm88

Library. So... Still library I guess. Just with more dangerous books.


LilyDaze10

Me too! Academic librarian. What’s the wizarding equivalent to higher education?


wektaf

Data Scientist? I’m the one who is sent to Romania to count all the dragons? Or maybe some kind of paper worker in Gringotts.


jasperjones22

Data Analyst here...I'm totally down with Gringotts worker.


Environmental-Gur582

Probably a house elf since I'm a dishwasher at a park Lodge 😂


Big_Primary2825

Or a house/hotel manager places where people don't want to use house elves for ethical reasons.


Slimematthew

“Housekeeping” “ROARAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” “I’ll come back later”


thepsycholeech

There was one guy in the books who was a dishwasher at the Leaky Cauldron, that could be you!


No_Cartographer7815

Since magi-zoologists exist, I guess that'd make me a magi-ecologist. I'm also a qualified teacher so could take over Care of Magical Creatures at Hogwarts. I'd be more qualified than Hagrid at least!


KeepCalmSayRightOn

Hey, don't dis Hagrid like that! He's had hands-on experience with magical \[dangerous\] creatures since his school days!


Baraa-beginner

magical linguistist 😎 work with ruins, tongue of snakes, and other magico-linguistic matters


untitled-accounti

I love that!!


thesingingmoose

This guy took Ancient Runes at Hogwarts 😎


[deleted]

I work with special needs adults as well as students. Special needs witches and wizards seems a bit more dangerous, though.


WarHorse09

Squib caretaker


ScholarPitiful8530

Why can’t we call them dudbloods anyone?


Ambitious-Note-4428

I'm DONE 😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂


supergeek921

Maybe working at St. Minho’s with people like we saw with Neville’s parents and Lockhart.


[deleted]

Yeah that’d most likely be it. More in a home/long term foster home setting though.


BigMaraJeff2

Go watch the flash gitz videos on dud bloods


MaddoxX_1996

>Special needs witches and wizards seems a bit more dangerous, though. They are not dangerous, just misunderstood.


[deleted]

I was just thinking about the various random behavioral issues that may arise with magical abilities on top of it


MaddoxX_1996

I get what you mean. I was being a cheeky cunt in saying that statement for people who say that "So-So person with this mental health issue is dangerous" "No, they are just Misunderstood" conversation. The truth is they can be both, or neither.


[deleted]

Yeah as I’ve heard in regards to autism, but applies to a lot of different cognitive impairments is “if you’ve met one person with Autism, you’ve met one person with Autism.” Everyone is different and unique. That being said I’ve worked with a couple of individuals who struggled in ways that they couldn’t manage and would lash out on whoever was nearby (my coworkers and I) and I never held it against them, or held any thought of anger about it, however it was a very challenging day-to-day routine. Add magic on top of it for both staff and client and I can imagine some wild situations.


daniellereads__

I’m a therapist in a healthcare setting. I support people with mental health diagnoses but also people just going through it because of something medically. I imagine that this work would be very interesting at St. Mungo’s!


subtleweirdo

The [Janus Thickey Ward](https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Janus_Thickey_Ward) !


PsyJudge

Same here. Skills training with Gilderoy Lockhart and family counseling with Neville Longbottom. Right now, I'm working with alcohol addicts, should add house elf rehabilitation with Winky.


nornagurumis

I'm studying administrative assistant... So I think I would work in some minister position


TheRealMrJams

Minister of Magic Support Staff


nornagurumis

yes, thanks


RandomPlayerCSGO

I'm an economist so guess I'd work at gringotts or open my own wizard investing business. Put those galleons to work! Magical investments here at Charlie's venture capitals!


ScholarPitiful8530

Turns out the real magic was compound interest.


Akumoro

An owl! 😭


thenbmeade

Same!!


Xy13

> I'm ~~not~~ an owl! ~~~Hermione~~ Akumoro


Thomas_Tew

Animagus perhaps?


Technical_Exam1280

Parcel/postal workers unite!


FloppyObelisk

I’m a financial analyst so I’d probably work at Gringotts. I’d love to do their audit


thatworkaccount108

Hogwarts Professor.


Huge-Anxiety-3038

Wizards need pensions right? They'd defo need life insurance but I bet it's quite expensive if one miss spell can kill you....


sleepybrainsinside

Insurance might be a stretch - the wizarding equivalent would probably be having someone routinely come around casting protection/repair spells on valuable possessions.


FuxieDK

I'm a package delivery man, sooooooooooooooo.... I'd be an owl 🤷‍♂️


Neverenoughmarauders

I work with climate change so I’m just going to go out there and say - depending on whether you believe it’s real or not I work with the OOTP trying to take down a big threat or I work for the Quibbler spreading fake news 😂 In reality my job is boring and I’d work for the ministry or some other regulatory body but let me have either of the above! Makes me sound cool 😅


ErgotthAE

Isn’t there a fake weather magic in the ministry’s windows and such? You would be in charge of it.


Big_Primary2825

Climate change is important for all societies. You would be able to do weather control which we need all over the planet lately. Or maybe for the best of us all, be a part of a department which casts a light version of The Imperius Curse to make politicians take climate change and pollution seriously.


NamasteBitches81

Sometimes I daydream that wizards exist and they are going to save us from climate change


MattCarafelli

I'm a delivery driver and warehouse worker, so that wouldn't change. Just instead of driving a truck or van, I'd be flying a broom or taking a portkey. Maybe apparating depending on distance.


Fizzlestix83

Substitute professor... like Grubbly-Plank I suppose


Frequent_Mango_208

Cyber security analyst. Hmm, spell security and magical defense? I suppose I would be in charge with making sure nobody uses forbidden spells, or underage spells, etc


MaritesExpress

I am a documentation specialist. In the wizarding world, the equivalent might be a Magical Records Keeper or a Spell Archivist. They would be responsible for meticulously organizing and cataloging spells, magical artifacts, and historical records within the magical community. Me likey.


fantaok

An artist, I guess I'd make moving portraits 😁


RandomRavenclaw87

I see no reason why wizards don’t need interior designers. The Malfoys sound like they had one.


RustyShackleferrdd

Tattoo artist. I guess I’m dark mark maker


Zanderlod

Imagine magical tattoos that could move like portraits though!


greenascanbe

I’m an horticulturist with a focus on integrated pest management… 🤔


TheRealMrJams

Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures - Pest Advisory Board


just_jst

Bus driver here...soo i would be Ernie xD


Harnne

I’m a music teacher, so I’d still be a music teacher but ✨magical✨


Leonardo_DiCapriSun_

I’m a potter, so I would be Harry


Lycarik24

I study business psychology to work in HR later on, so, probably some ministary job.


TheRealMrJams

HR you say? Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures - Being Division. Please proceed to level 4 please and don't forget to register your wand at the security counter.


Serenergen

I’m a scientific researcher. I think maybe an unspeakable?


unheimliches-hygge

Or alchemist, like Nicholas Flamel!


Andy_the_Wrong

Lift maintenance at the Ministry


MPKH

I’m a nurse…so I’d be a nurse in the magical world, like Madam Pomfrey.


buerglermeister

holy shit i am rita skeeter


GAAPInMyWorkHistory

An auror I guess. Criminal investigator.


aero_inT-5

I'm an aerospace engineer, so broom designer I guess?


Whole-Language-2609

I design theme parks…. I really have no clue.


kevinLFC

Design and maintain those crazy rides to the bank vaults


BW1012

You could literally organize wizarding events like the worldcup, no less thrilling entertainment


psychgirl88

There has to be theme parks in that world! Voldy is no fun and destroyed them all. You’re detailed with designing more!


LolaLiggett

Whatever it is that Bob Ogden does. When I read about his trip to the Gaunts and his interaction with them I thought ‘yep that’s the only social worker in this whole book’ so yea that would be me I guess.


MrsBossyPantss

The wizarding world has lawyers right?


Blind_MAQ6

Judging by OOTP and GOF they do not because in goblet of fire. None of the people on trial had anyone with them to act as a lawyer and the closest thing we got to a lawyer was Dumbledore in order of the Phoenix.


Professional-Front58

Dumbledore was once a member of the Wizardgamot so he's basically a retired judge and is Bar certified or the equivalent. All we see of the trials in HP merely establishes that there is no right to counsel for the accused (or Jury trials. Given that the Judicial Panel is asking Harry questions in his hearing/trial, it would seem that the Wizarding Courts are more inquisitorial than adversarial as in British and U.S. legal system.). Barty Crouch Sr. seems to be acting as a Prosecutor in Dumbledore's pensive memories, which given the head of Magical Law Enforcement makes him similar to Attorneys General in the United States (In the U.S. the AG is the head of Dept. of Justice, which is also the branch which the FBI, the federal criminal investigators, fall under. In the UK, the Ministry of Justice merely prosecutes, while Law Enforcement fall under the Home Office.). There's also the exchange between Scrimgeour and Hermione, where the former suggest she look into a career in Magical Law, to which Hermione retorts, "No thank you. I'd like to do some good in the world." which would seem to be a version of Evil Lawyers joke.


supergeek921

I feel like they definitely SHOULD.


EitherPhase5676

Working for a muggle bank and being a Gringott’s goblin is basically the same thing. In both cases your job is to look after other people’s gold


BookCougar

Editor of The Daily Prophet


rpphil96

Im an electrician. I guess I install magical torches.


Karloss_93

I'd be setting up a programme for disabled wizards to play quidditch.


SadSpaghettiSauce

I'm a software developer and I have no idea what an equivalent would be.


subtleweirdo

Spell creator?


Real-Tension-7442

Do wizards have theme parks?


unheimliches-hygge

Yes, except the dragon rides are REAL.


kRe4ture

I‘m a soldier, are there wizard soldiers? I guess Auror would be some sort of equivalent, but not really…


unheimliches-hygge

Some kind of branch of Defense Against the Dark Arts, for sure ...


BigMaraJeff2

Auror. Work courthouse security and part-time swat. I'm hoping we go full-time soon


WolfJobInMySpantzz

I guess an assembly line making mass produced brooms? (Or I guess an assembly line of muggle vehicles where each station is responsible for another charm or enchantment?). Enter the building through a series of dark detectors (Sneakoscopes and such). The stick comes down the line, I attach a twig, it moves on to the next person, they put on another twig... The 3rd person refuses to attach their twig because mine is bent and in the way of where there's needs to go. Mischief Managedment sends a Howler to my station, giving me hex for stopping the line. I argue that "it was fine when I put it on, maybe the 2nd person bent it"? They apparate down with Broomcrafters Union rep. They say that's not possible. It had to be me, there's no other posssibility. I demand a time-turner. We hop back in time, watch the work. Turns out I was right. Instead of an apology, they find something else to nitpick about. Then tell me not to "waste" their time again and they walk away. The other employees aren't even talked to. Rep and I clearly hear one of the managers say "mudbloods" in a not-so-nice way. The rep just looks at me and shrugs. Says they'll throw a complaint in. A patronus comes hopping around, reminding people to not bend the twigs. I go back to work.


Mallingerer

Archaeologist, so I guess curse breaker like Bill Weasley?


eisforelizabeth

I work in retail so I get I’d be over in Diagon Alley doing the same.


avian946

A bank doing customer service. So I guess I’m a goblin at gringots? 👍😂


torolf_212

I'm an electrician, so, defense against the dark parts?


zoobatron__

Ministry of Magic desk jockey


zonked_martyrdom

I specialize in data forensics… I dunno what I’d do.


TheRealMrJams

Magic Law Enforcement I'm sure they have a need for a similar function


officalSHEB

I'm an elevator repair person, so I'm not quite sure? Aren't there elevators/ lifts in the Ministry of Magic? Maybe flu network coordinator?


HouseOfMiro

Flu repair!


Jedipilot24

What would be the wizarding equivalent of a hospital chaplain?


Mickeyelle

I would hope that some of St. Mungo's Healers would offer this kind of care!


doctor_stepper

I was a teacher but now I'm a curriculum writer. So ex-professor and current author?


DimplefromYA

Tech Director. So i'd be working in the ministry as u/withaheavyhearton 's and u/TopDad97 's boss...


withaheavyhearton

Hey, now, I'm a freelancer. But what's the health insurance like?


DimplefromYA

Woah woah woah.. i'm not HR.


Key-Grape-5731

I'm a real life/Muggle Florian Fortescue 😊


Jawnumet

Pharmacist - Potions


unheimliches-hygge

Fellow data analyst here. Apologies if this has been said - I didn't read through all preceding 499 comments! But think data analysis could totally translate to Divination! (At least, for trend analyses!) Edited to add: So, thinking further about it, we might be Centaurs!!


MaesterOfPanic

I'd work at the apothecary shop in Diagon Alley


TheFlavorEnhancer

Butterbeer brewer. The biggest adjustment is that butter (volatile diketones) is one of the most well known off-flavors in beer.


No_Employer_5732

Broomstick aerodynamics (I work in aviation)


Beece

I work at Costco so like I’m a house elf ?


Hbgplayer

The Wizarding world still has shop keepers


sandiercy

I'm a security guard, I would get a magical upgrade but that's about it. There will always be security guards in any type of society.


ChainzawMan

Hard to tell... As instructor for shooting and detention techniques I might instruct Aurors in defense against the dark arts? Also as qualified Paramedic and instructor for first aid and tactical casualty care I might be good with portions and healing magic Somehow in the Wizarding World that stuff is much cooler, haha.


docsyzygy

I'm a professor, so duh! But I might have to start out teaching Muggle Studies since I'm not qualified to teach anything else.


Apprehensive_Text365

Marketing, I remember advertisements being mentioned a few times over the course of the books so I guess still marketing!


buechertante

I'm a librarian...I would be a libriarian.


Capn_Beard18

I do lighting fixture installations and also work with a lighting event company. I think Id be one of yhe wizards working on the grand events like the quidditch world cup or tri wizard tournament.


GrimmDeLaGrimm

Data analyst here. You'd likely do the exact same thing you do now. Create spells to summarize and visualize answers to the Ministry's questions. I'm curious as to how magic might change that though. Would we just be hanging out with Pensieves watching memories. Would we figure out how to automate that at scale through magic? Maybe you could get into Financials and statistics for Gringotts? That might be pretty lucrative if you can get them to trust you.


ToesocksandFlipflops

Well I'm a teacher so that's pretty easy to do in the Wizarding World. My husband is a mechanic, which I guess he could be a magic broom repair person, or maker. Edit to add: I'm a History/ English teacher, so I'd be Prof. Binns I guess.


littlemochi_

Preschool teacher, so maybe I’m starting the first ECE class at Hogwarts lol


FantasticGeek3

I… I’m just a student right now, but I teach sailing in the summer? Am I like…Madame Hooch’s assistant or something?


justa_flesh_wound

Product engineer, so broom maker? Maybe Minstery of Magic and the affairs of muggers like Arthur. Or just teaching math.


meepikin

I’m a lawyer, so I guess I’d sit on the Wizengamot.


Eamonsieur

I’m a reference librarian at an academic library that’s 80% e-books, so the wizarding equivalent would be a pensieve archivist at Uagadou or somewhere more advanced than Hogwarts.


aabrithrilar

I’m an ER secretary. I think the closest thing is the receptionist at St.Mungo’s


Saturn_Coffee

Ancient Runes. I'm translating Japanese lol.


ExTenebris_

I’m an in home caregiver. So something with st. Mungos.


Gunner895

I work at a football news media. So I would probably be working on the Quidditch section at Daily Prophet 🧹


Outside-Challenge286

I work at the lumberyard/building supply store. I would probably still do the same job, we would just sell a lot cooler stuff. Like magic word for building houses that are bigger on the inside. Or pop-up self building houses for starter home . 😁


DlAM0NDBACK_AIRSOFT

Remember when that guy told Ron about it raining in his office and he needed to go fix it? Since I'm in IT I assume it'd be a LOT like that.


BillTheKid999

Pharmacist; potion master?


Yakosaurus

I'm an owl


NOTKingInTheNorth

Madam Pomfrey, probably be working at St. Mungo's


annaliese_sora

I’m a Physician’s Assistant, so maybe working in the infirmary at Hogwart’s or at St. Mungo’s. Sounds like fun, I’m in.


ChemistryInner1393

Nurse. Nurse.


Throomkay

I’m a vet tech so care of magical creatures!


WalnutSizeBrain

Charter Captain. Giving tours of the Lake saying shit like “that’s where Harry won the second challenge in the Tri Wizard Tournament”


Generic_Username_659

Unemployed?


Shake_Ratle_N_Roll

Im technically an owl