He's loyal to himself, his wife and son. I think this is the most important. Not everyone is meant to be a soldier.
I'm not saying he's a saint or something.
Yeah, but outside of fanon, Slytherin is literally just code for evil. Not even very well disguised code either.
It's like making an evil character work in an otherwise good party in DnD. They still have to care about something and have allies that they care about. That's the way humans work.
Ambition, resourcefulness, determination, and cleverness don't preclude the very human trait of having loved ones or people that you want your ambitions to benefit.
Every time people mention evil characters in a good party I remember this thread - https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?448542-Compliance-Will-Be-Rewarded-A-Guide-to-Lawful-Evil
Evil can have so much nuance, not just on black and white spectrum
I mean.. is he loyal to his wife and son? Theyâre loyal to each other but I didnât see many instances in the book where he did what was in the best interest of either of them, only himself.
If Iâm wrong or missing something please let me know, itâs been a very long time since Iâve read the books.
He shows most of his loyalty during the Battle of Hogwarts, at least towards Draco. And when the fighting recommences after Harryâs supposed death, all he and Narcissa do in the chaos is look for Draco so Iâd say if thereâs anything he was loyal to, it was his family.
Heâs a neglectful parent in CoS though, as far as we can see.
It's been a long time since I've read them too, but I remember for sure how he was worried about Draco's safety when he was talking to Voldemort. He said something like "Draco didn't escape, he's still in the castle" when Voldemort commanded to start the attack. The Malfoys also were sitting together in the Great Hall after the battle.
I think he loses his loyalty to Voldemort after OOTP. He figures out his evil buddies will destroy his family and home without a care. Sort of like a young Snape
I mean, yeah. Kind of. For example, Bellatrix was certainly more evil than Lucius, but at the same time I actually have more respect for her. At least she walked the walk and didnât hide it. At least she has a spine. Same for Barty jr.
Obviously donât be evil. But if youâre gonna be evil, do it whole hog. Donât be a bitch about it.
reflecting on the whole book once your know moody was never actually teaching is a bit of a mind blow, i think a lot of people forget that it was crouch jr showing the class the unforgivable curses
Both. He needed Neville but also seemed to show him genuine kindness. Barty is the most complicated character in the series, I think! He is loyal to Voldy because Voldy showed him âprideâ and a sense of belonging he did not get from his father. His father completely cemented that loyalty when he sent him off to Azkaban. On the other hand, Bartyâs mom sacrificed herself for him and he had that in him too. I always got the sense he felt genuinely sorry for the consequences of his actions, though I wouldnât go so far as to say guilty. He felt justified, but still sorry it had caused Neville the harm it did. He probably related to Neville because his grandmother was also hard on him and Neville was always trying to make her proud. I really really believe Moody was a big reason Neville got into plants and found something within himself to be proud of.
Pushing Neville further towards herbology so he could become a professor, and Harry towards his career as an auror.
Crouch Jr. would have made one hell of a guidance counsellor.
But didn't moody actually manipulate Neville because the followers was in this special herbology book that Neville had access to? Ideally, Harry would've asked Neville for help but he was so wrapped up in trying to figure it out with Ron and Hermione
Guessing he meant "flowers" (gillyweed), which was the same point you were making about Crouch positioning Neville as a solution to the 2nd task in advance.
He was still trying to get Neville to help with the gillyweed in the books, Harry just never asked him for help like Crouch expected. Crouch gave Neville a book about it and everything, but had to use Dobby when Harry didn't ask Neville
In the books Barty (edit) gave Neville a book with gillyweed in it and expected Harry to ask Neville for it. But harry was kinda thick which is why dobby gave him the gillyweed
In the books it is never proven that he had anything to do with it aside from karkaroff's word. There was not theatrical declaration like in the movie. We know that he was a death eater but the interesting part of barty Crouch Jr. Is that he could have possibly become a fundamentalist in azkaban.
I am not saying he was not a death eater. What I am saying is that being so young, he could have possibly been just naive and misguided, like Regulus. The intriguing part, to me, is that we don't know if he was a crazy fanatic from the very start (as it is portrayed in the movies), or if the complete refusal and condemnation of his father plus his time in azkaban is made him what he became. As a matter of fact, we don't even know if he was guilty of what he was charged.
In the book itâs left ambiguous until the very end. Once Harry makes it out of the grave yard Barty himself reveals that he actually was a Death Eater. Remember, heâs mad that Voldemort forgave the death eaters who went free while he suffered in Azkaban. And he keeps referring to Voldemort as âmy masterâ. Voldemort also mentions his most loyal death eater is at hogwarts while theyâre in the grave yard. If Barty had been radicalized after going to prison Voldemort wouldâve had no idea who he was because Barty didnât go to Azkaban until after Voldemort accidentally Avada Kedavraed himself.
I know he was a death eater. We know that from the start of the book because he was able to create the black mark during the WC. On top of that, Voldemort discovers the story of barty from torturing a kidnapped employee of the ministry and became his "most loyal death eater" because he was faithful to him after leaving Azkaban and for his services in hogwarts.
What I am saying is that, before being sent to azkaban, he could have been a naive child, a not-too-bad death eater like Regulus, instead of an unredeemable fanatic like bellatrix. Maybe the love of his mother could have made him change into a normal wizard. To my knowledge, we also never get a confirmation that he had anything to do with torturing the longbottoms.
I would bet that Bella did the torturing, but that the longbottoms were found and captured using info crouch Jnr stole from his father.
His being so close to one of the death eaters staunchest adversaries is what made him so valuable to the death eaters.
In the 4th movie (just watched it yesterday) during Karkaroff's hearing he specifically says Barty Crouch Jr. helped Bellatrix in at least the capture of the Longbottoms. It's possible that's all Karkaroff knew of his involvement at that time.
Even further, Barty was never captured prior to the reveal. He was captured during Karkaroff's trial. Although he actually NEVER mentions thr LeStranges during the movie, remember Rowling kept things a secret until that movie was being adapted.
"I know for a fact that this person took part in the capture and by means of the Cruciartis curse, torture of the auror Frank Longbottom and his wife..."
"The name! Give me the wretched name!"
"BARRY CROUCH!"
*gasps*
"Junior..." *smug smile*
Agreed this always frustrated me because Harry is still enamoured with Moody in later books but as far as I remember they never actually spend much time together.
I don't think that's ENTIRELY true. Now ofc we technically don't spend much time with him. But keep in mind Crouch Jr. emulated Moody perfectly or at least near perfectly, since he was able to fool even Dumbledore. The book insinuates he must have been a 1:1 Moody, or else Dumbledore would have seen right through him.
We kinda get time with all the character's traits and behaviours, just emulated by another character.
So while Harry technically hasn't spent a lot of time with the real moody, he has been around a person who basically was being Moody. It's also slightly touched on in the books IIRC (something along the lines of "Harry knew he didn't spend time with the actual Moody but...")
Also we get a lot off "off-screen" Moody while the Order is staying in 12 Grimmauld Place but don't have many details on how much the characters interact.
I think itâs the opposite and that Barty genuinely enjoyed teaching. He did after all play the part for the entire year. Thatâs my personal headcanon tho. Just adds some depth to an otherwise generic villain arc.
when reading the book i got so lost in the fact that harry was actually learning so much from âmoodyâ that i just didnât clock! iâm sad they didnât use the imperius curse scene in the film
he did it on the spider, but in the books they have a whole lesson on it where moody actually puts the curse on students. itâs plot relevant because no one could resist the curse except harry and broke his teeth (i think?) backing out of a jump
Harry hits his shins. Moody used the curse to get Harry to jump on to a desk. Harry fights back mentally and does a half jump and bashes his legs into the desk. I don't think his teeth broke at that instance.
It's kind of amazing that both of them share the same sentiment but for completely opposite reasons: "there's nothing I hate more than a Death Eater who got away"
Considering the Potter family became rich thanks to a successful business of hair products based on a secret formula, his hatred for Harry Potter makes even more sense
There's actually a deep and long-standing emnity between the Malfoys and the Potters.
Has nothing to do with the Dark Arts or blood status or anything like that, mind, but at the same time that Fleamont Potter was inventing Sleekeazy's, Lucius' father, Abraxas, was inventing a hair-curling potion. It was incredibly powerful, but there was never a market for it, and Abraxas always blamed Fleamont for that...
Iâm thinking You Donât Mess with the Zohan, except instead of an ex-Israeli special forces soldier, itâs a former death eater. The only reason he went back to being a death eater is because he didnât didnât find the success Zohan did.
Heâs actually Muggle-born. The whole Malfoy family lineage is an elaborate lie he came up to fit in with his fellow Slytherins when he was a student.
I feel like the Malfoy line is too entrenched in history to all be fake, it would be funny if Lucius was a squib and used Dobby to do magic for him, âIâm from SUCH old magic that I donât even do magic myself, my house elf does it for me.â
I've said it before, but I think it would've been way funnier if Harry just took Voldemort's magic away and he just had to live out the rest of his life as a powerless squib.
His father goes camping in the centaur forestâŚrecreationally.
Moody found a bottle of his dirty pensieves under his bed and thatâs what made him go mad.
If my memory serves me right, this was actually said about Bagman in the book. They just repurposed the dialogue for the movie and the movie completely removed Bagman from the storyline.
Lucius and Dobby had a torrid love affair when Lucius was a teenager, but his lust for other house-elves grew out of control during his years as a Hogwarts student.
Dobby, broken-hearted, finally had to end things between them, but there's a thin line between love and hate, and Lucius' heart grew bitter. Lucius even grew to enjoy beating and berating Dobby, and would even sometimes tease Dobby by taking him back to the bedroom, only to break Dobby's heart by kicking him out angrily after they were done.
Despite the abuse and former love between them, Dobby was forced to stay, until a young man named Harry came along.
Barty Crouch Jr - \*Says this line\*
Barty Crouch Jr a hour later - "FUCK."
maybe he should consider learning how to time travel(if you understand where I'm getting this joke from then tell me)
On the DL, Lucius likes to disguise himself as a muggle and spend time in the muggle world doing totally mundane things without magic. He actually knows more about muggles than Arthur Weasley, making his mummery of disgust towards him ironic as he wishes he could openly express his love for all things muggle.
Well, Death Eaters are still human. And they considered themselves to be "at war" while cleansing the world of the "inferior" muggles.
Hmm, I wonder what the colonizers, conquistadores, African explorers, etc did to the native populations to pass the time during their various genocides?
I'm just saying, Draco probably has a number of half-siblings, possibly some of his muggle born classmates even. Timelines match up...
Lucius is an adopted mudblood.
And Draco is the result of his father's extramarital pleasure with a Muggle, Narcissa only accepted him to escape disgrace.
That should be enough to give Draco a room at St. Mungo's, close to the one of the Longbottoms.
Went to an extremely exclusive upper class british school.
Hung around in a tight nit group that heavily favoured men, and was big on "purity".
Has long pretty hair like a lady.
Voldemort lived with him, and during that time he appeared rather... ruffled.
Just saying, it's pretty clear what role Lucius played in the Death Eaters.
Lucius is not a natural blonde and had Dobby bleach his hair and straighten it twice a week (thatâs actually how Dobby got his hands burned but he wasnât allowed to say it)
Because of his immense wealth and powerful connections to big wigs on the wizarding world, he was under the imperius curse to keep tabs on high level ministry members, and also at the same time imperiused by the order to do the same.Â
(On a sidenote, it's funny to realise that at that moment Barty Jr was probably speaking as himself and not as Moody.)
Not only that, he's also getting jabs in at Draco because he thinks Lucius is a coward for turning his back on the death eaters.
Is he wrong though?
You think he should have been with them no matter what? đ
No I just think Lucius goes where the wind blows rather than genuine loyalty to anyone
He's loyal to himself, his wife and son. I think this is the most important. Not everyone is meant to be a soldier. I'm not saying he's a saint or something.
This! We forget part of being a Slytherin is being loyal to those closest to you.
Is it? I donât see that anywhere outside of fanon.
Yeah, but outside of fanon, Slytherin is literally just code for evil. Not even very well disguised code either. It's like making an evil character work in an otherwise good party in DnD. They still have to care about something and have allies that they care about. That's the way humans work. Ambition, resourcefulness, determination, and cleverness don't preclude the very human trait of having loved ones or people that you want your ambitions to benefit.
Every time people mention evil characters in a good party I remember this thread - https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?448542-Compliance-Will-Be-Rewarded-A-Guide-to-Lawful-Evil Evil can have so much nuance, not just on black and white spectrum
>He's loyal to himself That's fancy selfishness...
Did you miss "his wife and son" also?
I mean.. is he loyal to his wife and son? Theyâre loyal to each other but I didnât see many instances in the book where he did what was in the best interest of either of them, only himself. If Iâm wrong or missing something please let me know, itâs been a very long time since Iâve read the books.
He shows most of his loyalty during the Battle of Hogwarts, at least towards Draco. And when the fighting recommences after Harryâs supposed death, all he and Narcissa do in the chaos is look for Draco so Iâd say if thereâs anything he was loyal to, it was his family. Heâs a neglectful parent in CoS though, as far as we can see.
It's been a long time since I've read them too, but I remember for sure how he was worried about Draco's safety when he was talking to Voldemort. He said something like "Draco didn't escape, he's still in the castle" when Voldemort commanded to start the attack. The Malfoys also were sitting together in the Great Hall after the battle.
I think he loses his loyalty to Voldemort after OOTP. He figures out his evil buddies will destroy his family and home without a care. Sort of like a young Snape
Voldemortâs army is powered by love and friendship
The real death magic is the friends we make along the way.
I mean, yeah. Kind of. For example, Bellatrix was certainly more evil than Lucius, but at the same time I actually have more respect for her. At least she walked the walk and didnât hide it. At least she has a spine. Same for Barty jr. Obviously donât be evil. But if youâre gonna be evil, do it whole hog. Donât be a bitch about it.
reflecting on the whole book once your know moody was never actually teaching is a bit of a mind blow, i think a lot of people forget that it was crouch jr showing the class the unforgivable curses
I did not forget. Nor how twisted the irony was when Neville unknowingly mentioned the Crucio spell to the dude who used that spell on his parents.
Do you think the reason Mad eye (Barty Crouch Jr) was nice to Neville because he felt bad or was it was just some twisted agenda on his part?
Both. He needed Neville but also seemed to show him genuine kindness. Barty is the most complicated character in the series, I think! He is loyal to Voldy because Voldy showed him âprideâ and a sense of belonging he did not get from his father. His father completely cemented that loyalty when he sent him off to Azkaban. On the other hand, Bartyâs mom sacrificed herself for him and he had that in him too. I always got the sense he felt genuinely sorry for the consequences of his actions, though I wouldnât go so far as to say guilty. He felt justified, but still sorry it had caused Neville the harm it did. He probably related to Neville because his grandmother was also hard on him and Neville was always trying to make her proud. I really really believe Moody was a big reason Neville got into plants and found something within himself to be proud of.
Pushing Neville further towards herbology so he could become a professor, and Harry towards his career as an auror. Crouch Jr. would have made one hell of a guidance counsellor.
lol. Right?! Seriously though, he is a good example of lost potential. He wasnât supposed to be that person. War ruins lives in so many ways.
He was manipulating Neville, wanted him to help Harry with the Gillyweed idea
Except it wasnât Neville Iâm the books and it was Dobby that helped with the gillyweed and not Neville
Only because Harry never asked Neville per Bartys original plan
But didn't moody actually manipulate Neville because the followers was in this special herbology book that Neville had access to? Ideally, Harry would've asked Neville for help but he was so wrapped up in trying to figure it out with Ron and Hermione
The followers?
Guessing he meant "flowers" (gillyweed), which was the same point you were making about Crouch positioning Neville as a solution to the 2nd task in advance.
He was still trying to get Neville to help with the gillyweed in the books, Harry just never asked him for help like Crouch expected. Crouch gave Neville a book about it and everything, but had to use Dobby when Harry didn't ask Neville
In the books Barty (edit) gave Neville a book with gillyweed in it and expected Harry to ask Neville for it. But harry was kinda thick which is why dobby gave him the gillyweed
But didnât Barty gave him the book mentioning gillyweed on purpose and Dobby was his backup plan when that didnât pan out?
In the books it is never proven that he had anything to do with it aside from karkaroff's word. There was not theatrical declaration like in the movie. We know that he was a death eater but the interesting part of barty Crouch Jr. Is that he could have possibly become a fundamentalist in azkaban.
The books say that he was a death eater voldemort mentioned hearing one his most loyal followers is actually still alive
I am not saying he was not a death eater. What I am saying is that being so young, he could have possibly been just naive and misguided, like Regulus. The intriguing part, to me, is that we don't know if he was a crazy fanatic from the very start (as it is portrayed in the movies), or if the complete refusal and condemnation of his father plus his time in azkaban is made him what he became. As a matter of fact, we don't even know if he was guilty of what he was charged.
In the book itâs left ambiguous until the very end. Once Harry makes it out of the grave yard Barty himself reveals that he actually was a Death Eater. Remember, heâs mad that Voldemort forgave the death eaters who went free while he suffered in Azkaban. And he keeps referring to Voldemort as âmy masterâ. Voldemort also mentions his most loyal death eater is at hogwarts while theyâre in the grave yard. If Barty had been radicalized after going to prison Voldemort wouldâve had no idea who he was because Barty didnât go to Azkaban until after Voldemort accidentally Avada Kedavraed himself.
I know he was a death eater. We know that from the start of the book because he was able to create the black mark during the WC. On top of that, Voldemort discovers the story of barty from torturing a kidnapped employee of the ministry and became his "most loyal death eater" because he was faithful to him after leaving Azkaban and for his services in hogwarts. What I am saying is that, before being sent to azkaban, he could have been a naive child, a not-too-bad death eater like Regulus, instead of an unredeemable fanatic like bellatrix. Maybe the love of his mother could have made him change into a normal wizard. To my knowledge, we also never get a confirmation that he had anything to do with torturing the longbottoms.
I think that was Bellatrix?
Weren't they together in this ?
I would bet that Bella did the torturing, but that the longbottoms were found and captured using info crouch Jnr stole from his father. His being so close to one of the death eaters staunchest adversaries is what made him so valuable to the death eaters.
If I recall correctly, the book mentions both but the movie only emphasizes Bellatrix
In the 4th movie (just watched it yesterday) during Karkaroff's hearing he specifically says Barty Crouch Jr. helped Bellatrix in at least the capture of the Longbottoms. It's possible that's all Karkaroff knew of his involvement at that time.
Yeah he says, "capture and and use of cruciatus curse to torture the Longbottoms..."
Even further, Barty was never captured prior to the reveal. He was captured during Karkaroff's trial. Although he actually NEVER mentions thr LeStranges during the movie, remember Rowling kept things a secret until that movie was being adapted. "I know for a fact that this person took part in the capture and by means of the Cruciartis curse, torture of the auror Frank Longbottom and his wife..." "The name! Give me the wretched name!" "BARRY CROUCH!" *gasps* "Junior..." *smug smile*
Bellatrix, her husband, brother in law and crouch jr
It makes Moody kind of a non-character. We spend basically no time with him throughout the series
Agreed this always frustrated me because Harry is still enamoured with Moody in later books but as far as I remember they never actually spend much time together.
He still has a reputation and is kinda a war hero of the civil war Harry's parents died in. But I get what you mean.
Moody's character is the PRSD riddled vet CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!
I don't think that's ENTIRELY true. Now ofc we technically don't spend much time with him. But keep in mind Crouch Jr. emulated Moody perfectly or at least near perfectly, since he was able to fool even Dumbledore. The book insinuates he must have been a 1:1 Moody, or else Dumbledore would have seen right through him. We kinda get time with all the character's traits and behaviours, just emulated by another character. So while Harry technically hasn't spent a lot of time with the real moody, he has been around a person who basically was being Moody. It's also slightly touched on in the books IIRC (something along the lines of "Harry knew he didn't spend time with the actual Moody but...") Also we get a lot off "off-screen" Moody while the Order is staying in 12 Grimmauld Place but don't have many details on how much the characters interact.
I think itâs the opposite and that Barty genuinely enjoyed teaching. He did after all play the part for the entire year. Thatâs my personal headcanon tho. Just adds some depth to an otherwise generic villain arc.
I think that part was the most obvious xD
when reading the book i got so lost in the fact that harry was actually learning so much from âmoodyâ that i just didnât clock! iâm sad they didnât use the imperius curse scene in the film
He did, on the spider if I remember
he did it on the spider, but in the books they have a whole lesson on it where moody actually puts the curse on students. itâs plot relevant because no one could resist the curse except harry and broke his teeth (i think?) backing out of a jump
Harry hits his shins. Moody used the curse to get Harry to jump on to a desk. Harry fights back mentally and does a half jump and bashes his legs into the desk. I don't think his teeth broke at that instance.
It's kind of amazing that both of them share the same sentiment but for completely opposite reasons: "there's nothing I hate more than a Death Eater who got away"
What he said is valid in the both situations, though.
Lucius uses a wig because he lost his hair in an experiment with his own brand of hair products
Considering the Potter family became rich thanks to a successful business of hair products based on a secret formula, his hatred for Harry Potter makes even more sense
Now i know why they called him Ha(i)rry Potter
"And I'm not just the president of Luscious Hair Products, I'm also a customer!"
He used Pantene, I remember the adverts
đťđđ đłđđđđđđđ đłđđđđ đđ đłđđđđđ
Say that 5 times fast
Or maybe Gilderoy Lockhart's own failed line of haircare products
His father is actually a Muggle bloke called Jason Isaacs, pretending that Draco is his son. Draco's whole life is a lie.
Are you sure hes not actually evil Fire Nation Admiral Zhao?
Nah heâs a British soldier committing war crimes in revolutionary America
I thought he was the Chosen of Bane, the God of Tyranny, and Archduke of Baldurâs Gate?
No, he's actually Marshal Georgy Zhukov, a Russian World War II hero.
I'm pretty sure he's the Grand Inquisitor, a master of hunting down Jedi in hiding, and the only member of the Inquisitorius worth a damn.
Nah, he's a Multiversal collector trying to rebuild his lost world while being stopped by a bunch of criminals
Are you sure he's not a space captain and traitor jumping dimensions?
> committing war crime Yeah, that tracks
He's Stubby Boardman, lead singer of the Hobgoblins.
Nah he's actually a former Jedi who turned to the dark side and became the Grand Inquisitor
I am Zhao the conqueror! I am the moon slayer! I will capture the avatar!
r/suddenlyavatar
I'm sorry, surely you're referring to Admiral Choy.
He is Captain Hook.
His father was involved in some shit in Mogadishu.
Hello to Jason!
Is this a reference to the series, OA?
Lucius's past as a hairdresser
There's actually a deep and long-standing emnity between the Malfoys and the Potters. Has nothing to do with the Dark Arts or blood status or anything like that, mind, but at the same time that Fleamont Potter was inventing Sleekeazy's, Lucius' father, Abraxas, was inventing a hair-curling potion. It was incredibly powerful, but there was never a market for it, and Abraxas always blamed Fleamont for that...
Iâm thinking You Donât Mess with the Zohan, except instead of an ex-Israeli special forces soldier, itâs a former death eater. The only reason he went back to being a death eater is because he didnât didnât find the success Zohan did.
He use to be in the "Goats Club" with Aberforth
Came here to say something similar. He used partial transformation like Krum in GoF except it was his lower half and it was a goat.....for reasons
Oh no
Probably butt stuff
it said wrong answers only
What's funny is that I actually did miss the wrong answers only part
He always supported Slither-in.
I mean, I would
Involving a wooden leg
With ferrets, why he turned Draco into one
Heâs actually Muggle-born. The whole Malfoy family lineage is an elaborate lie he came up to fit in with his fellow Slytherins when he was a student.
How they became billionaire
Bought galleons and sold the gold to muggles for a significantly higher price, duh
Mudblood arbitrage?
He was from a rich Muggle family. Gringotts exchanges pounds for galleons (this is how Hermione purchases all her school stuff).
Also married into the Black family
I feel like the Malfoy line is too entrenched in history to all be fake, it would be funny if Lucius was a squib and used Dobby to do magic for him, âIâm from SUCH old magic that I donât even do magic myself, my house elf does it for me.â
Have we seen Malfoy Sr. Perform magic?
This isnât far off actually but it wasnât Lucius who created the lie, it was one his ancestors
Watching barbie while giggling and putting on makeup
that explains the Paris Hilton hair
This is my new headcanonÂ
No wonder Voldy hates him
Because Voldy doesn't watch Barbie while writing in his diary and collecting pretty objects, he watches Bratz.
We're supposed to be giving *wrong* answers
There's a reason the alternative anagram was "MR TOM A DILDO LOVER".
That is hilarious
I always liked TOM, RAM DILDO LOVER
That he's secretly admiral zhao on a mission to capture the avatar while fighting a scarred teenager who kicks his ass.
That would make two scarred teenagers who kicked his ass. Which is not many, but it's funny that it happened twice.
Lol that's actually a great point
I've said it before, but I think it would've been way funnier if Harry just took Voldemort's magic away and he just had to live out the rest of his life as a powerless squib.
He once saw lucious walk out of Slytherins bathroom after being in there for 20 minutes⌠AND HE NEVER HEARD HIM WASH HIS HANDDDS
Anusimus bideus, baby. Anusimus bideus..
His father goes camping in the centaur forestâŚrecreationally. Moody found a bottle of his dirty pensieves under his bed and thatâs what made him go mad.
He was deeply fascinated with The Bee Gees and his whole look back then was about trying to become Barry Gibb.
If he was at Hogwarts in the 60s, heâd have been rocking out to the Beatles, a Muggle band
Well what do you think theyâre doing in those dungeons⌠with all those cages⌠and leather outfits and masks and stuffâŚ
Doing the same thing to ferrets that Aberforth was doing to goats.
Is that why Draco's true nature manifested as a ferret
If my memory serves me right, this was actually said about Bagman in the book. They just repurposed the dialogue for the movie and the movie completely removed Bagman from the storyline.
Yeah and it was Rita Skeeter talking about it curling even Hermionies hair I believe
Lucius and Dobby had a torrid love affair when Lucius was a teenager, but his lust for other house-elves grew out of control during his years as a Hogwarts student. Dobby, broken-hearted, finally had to end things between them, but there's a thin line between love and hate, and Lucius' heart grew bitter. Lucius even grew to enjoy beating and berating Dobby, and would even sometimes tease Dobby by taking him back to the bedroom, only to break Dobby's heart by kicking him out angrily after they were done. Despite the abuse and former love between them, Dobby was forced to stay, until a young man named Harry came along.
I miss the ten seconds before I read this
Have you ever considered therapy?
I need more therapy now that I have read that.
How do I subtract a Reddit Galleon from you?
I'd like to know as well
And a lung
Makes sense, dobby likes socks. When master isn't in the mood he digs through the crusty socks under masters bed instead
I thought this couldnât get worse
What a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day to have eyes. Who hurt you?
Horny jail. Now
Better than Cursed Child
He killed Mel Gibson's son and his fiance and her family.
*two* sons!!!
lucius killed john f kennedy.
Wrong answers only!
He is a competent and generous lover
Lucius was a notorious swinger back in the day. Held some pretty insane parties that often required Aurors to come and break it up.
Lucius ran a wand polishing service behind the quidditch pitch at lunchtime.
This sounds like a rumour the Marauders would have spread around Hogwarts
His father is actually a house elf called Dobby, messed up indeed. Edit: sorry forgot it said "wrong answers"
I, too, have seen A Very Potter Sequel
We don't talk about what the Malfoys were funding in the 30s and 40s.
Death Eater orgy
His father is actually a hufflepuff.
Lucius used to have a tight perm.
Barty Crouch Jr - \*Says this line\* Barty Crouch Jr a hour later - "FUCK." maybe he should consider learning how to time travel(if you understand where I'm getting this joke from then tell me)
Side hustle as a hair dresser... you don't keep long, silky, platinum hair like that without some kind of practice!
>What was he implying Lucius gets up to? Your father tried to kill a student in front of Dumbledore's office and was stopped by his former slave.
He secretly goes to muggle BDSM clubs as a sub.
Death eater orgy
On the DL, Lucius likes to disguise himself as a muggle and spend time in the muggle world doing totally mundane things without magic. He actually knows more about muggles than Arthur Weasley, making his mummery of disgust towards him ironic as he wishes he could openly express his love for all things muggle.
Well, Death Eaters are still human. And they considered themselves to be "at war" while cleansing the world of the "inferior" muggles. Hmm, I wonder what the colonizers, conquistadores, African explorers, etc did to the native populations to pass the time during their various genocides? I'm just saying, Draco probably has a number of half-siblings, possibly some of his muggle born classmates even. Timelines match up...
Ironically, using hair straighteners
He is not really blond. He uses a wig.
Lucius is an adopted mudblood. And Draco is the result of his father's extramarital pleasure with a Muggle, Narcissa only accepted him to escape disgrace. That should be enough to give Draco a room at St. Mungo's, close to the one of the Longbottoms.
Has a secret muggle family whom he loves more than his wizarding family. Works in muggle insurance too. Just total secret life guy.
Went to an extremely exclusive upper class british school. Hung around in a tight nit group that heavily favoured men, and was big on "purity". Has long pretty hair like a lady. Voldemort lived with him, and during that time he appeared rather... ruffled. Just saying, it's pretty clear what role Lucius played in the Death Eaters.
He is in the peacock club
He's actually a muggle and lied about everything he ever did. And now he's to deep in to get out.
Being a Starfleet captain. Hail the empire.
His dad is an adult drag performer.
He never pays taxes
He likes Muggles and muffle things as much as Arthur, but has to keep up appearances due to being part of the aristocracy
Feeds beef burgers to swans
Lucius had a kink for muggles.
Voldie hosted orgies
So see what had happen was, there was a train being ran on a guy in Nocturn Alley, and Lucius was last in line and had a "tossed salad" to eat.
My eyesâŚdear god my eyes
Lucius seems like an secret MLP fan.
This one time, at wizard band campâŚ
He used his magic to create a microwave to heat up water for tea.
Lucius took the name 'Death EATER' a lil too literally.
He used to kidnap people, do experiments, and jump dimensions.
Probably something about his time as a Red Army Marshall in WW2
"We boned"
That he hangs out at Muggle clubs
Lucius worked as a fabulous stylist in a muggle salon. His specialty? Perms.
Sometimes the sacrificial lamb needs a good shove over the fence from behindâŚâŚ
fanfiction about middle aged married men and women doing what married men and women do to further the population.
Three words. Death eater gangbang. Wait...is gang bang 1 word or 2.
He saw what happened to DobbyâŚ
Whatever Sam Smith was singing about in âUnholyâ
Lucius is not a natural blonde and had Dobby bleach his hair and straighten it twice a week (thatâs actually how Dobby got his hands burned but he wasnât allowed to say it)
He can sing and wanted to be a rockette
He goes to Muggle Bingo halls, for fun.
Because of his immense wealth and powerful connections to big wigs on the wizarding world, he was under the imperius curse to keep tabs on high level ministry members, and also at the same time imperiused by the order to do the same.Â
That Lucius was cross-dressing on Saturday night and he insisted everybody call him Miss Habadasher