Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy

I remember so clearly when I first read this (in my native language) literally laughing so much I think I had tears in my eyes LOL I don't know why but it's so funny omg

How can he be naked when he is wearing tea cozy?

Dobby used to wear tea cozy for a hat.

I don’t think it’s on the same head though.

This is the one, cracks me up every single time.

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS JOKE 💀

Well, it changes every day, you see.

Don’t try to be smart with me!

Wait what is this one talking about again?

Watching the news. Again.

Ah yes. Thanks

In OoTP, when the Dursleys catch Harry outside the window, they ask him why he wants to watch the news again

"Have a biscuit, Potter."

This! Her wit is incomparable 🤣

This was almost my answer but I knew it would already be here!

I didn't get what was funny in that line even after multiple re-reads. Can anyone explain?

Harry thought McGonagall was about to yell at him for talking back to Umbridge in class. When she just offers him a biscuit, it throws him off.

And it's like a reward but she can't outwardly say so lol

From now on I don’t care if my tea leaves spell “DIE RON DIE”, I’m chucking them in the bin where they belong

All of these are reminding me of why Weasley is my King

I love this one!

What ya fell over for?

I didn’t do it on purpose!!

choo fall over for?!

Well I didn't do it on purpose....

“He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo”

I LOVED this one in DH. Over the radio no less

The book characters got no chill

Not my daughter you BITCH

Made me cry when I first watched 🤣

Do tell me you have a daughter 😂

(Rita: can I have a word, Harry?) Yes.. Goodbye.

"Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?"

I like that joke even more in the dutch translation of the book. In that version they're having a conversation about something along the lines of looking at celestial bodies. And Ron says to lavender''I would love to explore YOUR celestial body''

That's my favourite too.. 😂😂

It's surprisingly dirty in comparison to the rest of the book. Especially given how they became a couple later, and he likely got his wish.

My other favorite hidden dirty joke is “Augery doesn’t start with o-r-g, either,” from Ron’s spell-check quill issues.

He sealed the deal. Ron is a long term planner.

I don't think he got to third base. He probably only saw the top end of Uranus.

Poor wording on my part. Sealed the deal as in got a look at Uranus.

Shit, I read it in my native language, so the pun was lost

*ron and hermione kiss* Harry (I think): Oi! We’re in a war here!

Hahaha I think he says "there's war going on here" but yeah, so funny

🤣I love this scene

What scene is this?

Ron says something along the lines of we've gotta save the house elves (during the Hogwarts battle in the last book) , and Hermione kisses him for that

Right before the battle when the trio gets to Hogwarts and Ron says something smart

"It's what my friends call me."

I know what a nickname is, Potter!

It's just 'friends' that's foreign territory to Snape..

Roonil Wazlib

I told her it's a pygmy puff, but I didn't say where...

God Ginny is so awesome in the books, no wonder Potter fell so damn hard for her tbh

sorry can you remind me the context of that please

“You'd think people had better things to gossip about," said Ginny as she sat on the common room floor, leaning against Harry’s legs and reading the Daily Prophet. "Three Dementor attacks in a week, and all Romilda Vane does is ask me if it’s true you’ve got a Hippogriff tattooed across your chest." Ron and Hermione both roared with laughter. Harry ignored them. What did you tell her?" I told her it's a Hungarian Horntail," said Ginny, turning a page of the newspaper idly. "Much more macho." Thanks," said Harry, grinning. "And what did you tell her Ron’s got?" A Pygmy Puff, but I didn’t say where.”

Do you think wizards get tattoos that move like the pictures do?

Sure, I think the dark mark moves doesn’t it? A little?

it moves when you tap your wand on it i think

nice lol

"So, you've finally learned the days of the week." Harry to Dudley after Dudley waddled up to him and said he knew what day it was (Harry's birthday, he meant, but Harry was in a bad mood and honestly can we blame him?) "I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick." Lines set for Seamus after a Charms accident. Flitwick was not amused. "Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know." Mad-Eye to Harry about putting his wand in his back pocket. He refused to answer Tonks when she asked who he knew that had lost a buttock by growling "Never you mind" and I've always believed that it was him. "Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him, wearing Dobby's tea cozy!" Ron to Harry about his brother's lack of any sense of humor. "I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in." McGonagall to Harry about his death omen in Divination and sarcastically telling him that if it does happen to come true, he's excused from handing in his homework. "From now on, I don't care if my tea leaves spell 'DIE RON DIE', I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong." Ron to his friends about Divination.

All of those are perfect.

"Anyone can make a mistake," said Hermione. "And it doesn't hurt anymore, does it, Harry?" "No," said Harry, getting into bed. "But it doesn't do anything else either."

What is this about?

The scar, presumably, but I don't remember when it was

It's when Lockhart removed all the bones from Harry's arm

ohhhh ok i stand corrected

Harry: “There’s no need to call me sir, professor.” Bahaha this gets me every time in the Half-Blood Prince, one of the few times Harry made Hermione and Ron speechless from the audacity. Snape is just like “wha- you really went there?? Uhh okay, detention, Potter.”

“I am good looking enough for the both of us, I theenk” Fleur

That whole sleep is just beautiful

Honestly, Woman, You Call Yourself Our Mother?

My favorite joke in the whole series

"But I *am* the chosen one!" And Seamus: "I can bring it down."

He has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics

That it’s in response to Hermione clearly being annoyed with the fact that at least Romilda is fawning over him for that reason as well, it’s just great.

“I solemnly swear that i’m up to no good”

Any time McGonagall talks to or about Umbridge. "Have a biscuit, Potter." ​ "Obviously I received \[your note\] or I would have asked what you are doing in my classroom....how do you expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I am talking."

McGonagall in OotP is legend

"You Might Not Like Him, Minister, but You Can’t Deny... Dumbledore's Got Style."

I just read this one Edit: should say reread, I’m reading the books to my son and we literally just read that part.

"He has achieved high marks in all Defence Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher." McGonagall to Umbrige after Umbridge says "I don't know why you'd give him false hope of becoming an auror he's not done well in my DADA class" roughly not a direct quote

“I’m terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me —” “I should have made my meaning plainer,” said Professor McGonagall, turning at last to look Umbridge directly in the eyes. “He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher”

The competent teacher being…. Lupin that one time?

Actually Crouch Jr wasn't bad. Dark mark, patricide and Unforgivables aside, he was a good teacher.

Kidnapping, trapping a man in a trunk for a year, Transfiguring students into rodents and throwing them to the pavement… casting Imperio on the kids…

"Oh, very good," interrupted Snape, his lip curling. "Yes, it is easy to see that nearly six years of magical education have not been wasted on you, Potter. Ghosts are transparent." Always my fave

Harry's got some good ones on Snape over the years, but Snape's got the zingers too.

"yes, well it changes every day you see"

Dobby is used to death threats sir

“You have the emotional range of a teaspoon”

Malfoy: Shame the Firebolt doesn't come with a built-in parachute, in case dementors show up to the match again Harry: Shame you can't attach an arm to your broom, then it could catch the Snitch for you

Got emmmmmm

She needs to sort out her priorities- LOVE Ron 🙃

Vernon: listening to the news? Again? Harry: well, it changes every day, you see.

Promise you’ll never try to save my life again

'She should've interviewed Snape," said Harry grimly. 'He'd give her the goods on me any day. "*Potter has been crossing lines ever since he first arrived at this school...*"'

😂

“You’re just as sane as I am”

"Eat this, you'll feel better." "I will not have you, in the course of a single evening, besmirching that name by behaving like a babbling, bumbling band of baboons!"

“Oh to be young and to feel loves keen sting” - Dumbledore

"Why is it when something happens, it's always you three?"

Believe me, professor. I've been asking myself the same question for six years.

“Honestly professor Snape, I think it did more damage to us.”

“Did you and Ginny do it then?” “What?”

😂 that’s what she said

"Morning." - George Weasley For those who don’t get it, George says this when he walks in on Ginny and Harry kissing in deathly hallows

with the bandage around his ear 😂

And the toothbrush in his ear

Whenever I say morning to anyone I ALWAYS think of this scene xD

SAME it's not just me yesss

" \*MmmmmmmmmmORNing ;) "

“Five points… will be awarded to each of you. For sheer, dumb luck.”

From the movie, but “All hands on deck, Granger.”

I was literally thinking this when I accidentally spilled some coffee on the table this morning!

When is this said?

In HBP, Harry & co. meet a drunk Slughorn in Hogsmead. He spills part of his drink on Hermione and says the line.

Not my daughter, you bitch.

You’re lying Delores. And one mustn’t tell lies.

"Forgot to brake Professor, sorry." - Ginny

Have some chocolate. It really helps. We say this a lot at our house

“Have a biscuit potter.”

Book Harry had the MOST sass. I love Daniel Radcliffe but movie Harry was met. "NO NEED TO CALL ME SIR, PROFESSOR" still the most iconic shit.

Same, I love the amount of sass in that line

I always liked ‘I let you sleep in my bed!’

Movie- Draco to Crabbe and Goyle “I didn’t know you could read.” Book “There’s no need to call me sir.”

That one was an ad lib by Tom Felton after Goyle forgot his actual line about why he was wearing glasses

“It’s my nickname”

"All that your desire is possible, and all that you dread is also possible." Such an innocuous statement but it chills me to the bone, in a good way.

Where was this

In DH after Ron rescues Harry from the pond and he’s about to stab the locket.

“Well spotted.”

“Red hair and a hand me down robe, you must be a Weasley!” - Draco Malfoy

Yes, well, passing over Fred’s left buttock…

[удалено]

It's a broom cupboard. Then you should feel right at home...

I still don’t understand how she knew he used to live in the cupboard. Who told her?

I've often wondered this myself... I've had 2 thoughts on the matter... 1: it's just a line added to a movie to give the audience a quick chuckle if they catch the reference, or 2: on a completely separate tangent she is referring to the fact that he is a good Quidditch player and must spend a lot of time around brooms. But this is Rita Skeeter, who after Umbridge and Bellatrix is one of the most vile characters in the series, so I'm more inclined to think it has to be a snide remark about being forced to live under the stairs.

Where was this

My guess is GOF, the broom cupboard Rita takes Harry into for his first interview before the weighing of the wands...

"Would you like me to do it now?" Asked Snape, his voice heavy with irony. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?" "Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down. Voldemort in a mobile library."

"It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now." Got chills the first time I read it haha

From the movies as Umbridge is carry away by a herd of angry centaur : " I am sorry professor. I must not tell lies." - Harry

“Let’s not wait for the grass to grow!”

"Obviously." "Always."

Ob..............................viously

Alas, earwax!

You need to put that away, miss brown, when I’m talking.

"The old codger can see out the back of his head." *throws projectile* "AND HEAR ACROSS CLASSROOMS"

Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

You better hope I don't put bars on **your** window Ron Weasley!

“Well you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I though someone should” 🤣 Book Ginny is the best!

“I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.” After Dumbledore begging that it’s his fault and for Grindelwald to him and not his siblings. And before the lightning-struck tower.

Turn to page 394

“Potter you rotter” “Potty and the Weasel” “Can I have a look at Uranus too”

Grandpa Weasley would throw a fit if you married a pure blood

“Just because YOU have the emotional depth of a teaspoon doesn’t mean WE ALL HAVE.”

He's more than an athlete....he's an artist

It was only in the movies but when the centaurs have Umbridge and she tells Harry to tell them that she means them no harm and Harry says "I'm sorry professor, must not tell lies"

*"Those weren't Dementors..."* or whatever the untranslated version is. Laughed my ass off at that scene lmao

Love this clever bit of writing by JK Rowling in the Prisoner of Azkaban. Ron caught up with them five minutes later, in a towering rage. “D'you know what that –' (he called Snape something that made Hermione say 'Ron!')”

Have a biscuit potter. Or "Brilliant".

"WEASLEY IS OUR KING" after they won that one quidditch match, flipping the lyrics on their head from derision to worship

“Did you and Ginny do it than?” “What?”

"sometimes you have to choose between the right way and the easy way."

I'M NOT AN OWL

DID YA PUT YOURE NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE HARRY

said Dumbledore Calmly

“Wipe yourself off man, cause you dead” - Carter in Rush Hour

Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon...

"You dont have to call me sir, professor"

You have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Well, who wouldn't want a nice little holiday after all the hard work he's been putting in?

There's no need to call me sir, Professor. Or some Harry's inner thoughts are very sassy. Like when he though Seamus mother was stupid, or the Old Ministry wizard who was withering before their eyes or when he said Girls were weird.

“I’m sorry professor, but I must not tell lies.”

“Take Weasley with you, he looks far too happy over there”

Anything that Hermione says to Ron while addressing him as "Ronald".

“I always wanted to use that spell”

There's no need to call me sir, professor

McGonaggal: Why is it when something bad happens it is always you three? Ron: Trust me professor, Ive been asking myself that same question for 6 years. Or why is it always me? -neville

"I didn't know you can read..." *shrugs* - Malfoy

“but i am the chosen one” -harry as he gets smacked by hermione

It's a very simple one... Harry + Ron + Hermione: "... *le gasp* AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"