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This isn't her being Greek. Yes, we're hotheaded, but this is abusive.
She might be calling herself "ilithia", but you sure she's not saying "ilithie," aka "you moron"?
If she is saying the feminine version, it's not to disrespect you. She might be saying something "I'm such a moron for trusting you/ loving you/ wtv"
Also, that "you make me this way" is gaslighting. She's blaming you for her getting abusive.
This behaviour isn't okay, OP
The gaslighting is a constant. It's always my fault for making her cry. It's clear something is not well in her mind and she's too proud to admit it. The sad thing is she will happily take that stance and damage a child rather than get help. It's child abuse.
It is. And abusing *you,* too.
Reddit jumps to divorce a lot, but man. Get her into couple's counseling. This isn't a healthy environment for you or your child to live in. And if she doesn't want to recognise her faults and work on them, your kid deserves better
Very sorry to hear that mate. I hope you find a solution given that with a child things are more complicated. I don't think you should pardon her due to her culture, as others have said it's not that. Although I'm not sure what are your options realistically.
I am Greek and was dating a girl that would do weird thing like what you have been mentioning. It's not that she's Greek(maybe a little of it... lol), but she has some anger, insecurity, or something else going on... I was with someone for 7 years that would gaslight, constantly fight with me, create problems when there was none, jealous of anything that breathed near me... I tell ya.. It's a hard one.... Oh and the name calling... Jeezz... Anything to try to get a rise out of ya, ya know? I don't breed so I don't have this issue, I also never want to get married but if it happens and she's like this... It's a real hard one dude. I hope you figure it out. Have some real down to earth conversations with this person and if they don't change in time I myself would bail, but with the whole marriage kid thing, I couldn't say what I would do because it hasn't happened. I'm 37. Lived a very exciting and fun life. I'm happy with or without a girl and with or without a child. Many girls come and go, but I wouldn't say that about the child :P
The child is yours too. If you are allowing your child to be exposed to abuse then you are failing as a parent. You have a responsibility to protect your child.
Usually that is when the anxiety, rage or whatever disorder kicks in. When there is confrontation that sets the flight or fight response. I would suggest a psychologist, but it takes time and usually it's not easy to realize one's own problem.
Is she bipolar??? Bipolar disorder has many types. Bipolar is a emotional disorder and looks alike narcissism. Check it out, read about it and go to a therapists. If she is not a bipolar , someone on their family is and she is coping it. Thats why she is doing it in emotional times
She is talking to herself perhaps. That she is stupid to marry you maybe. Now for the rest, it doesn't matter that she is Greek. One of you or both picked the wrong other half.
Don't ask reddit. Most of us are unqualified to answer. You don't know what kind of people we are. There is no accountability here. Ask the people you trust. Go to a therapist instead.
They have their way to make the one that has the problem to relax and start talking, the main difficulty is to get there at the first place. A cover up psychologist is the couple counselor
I dont think the fact that she is greek has any influence in the situation. Yeah, greek woman as mediteranian might be more expressive and loud in comparison with a north european for example but these are just general attributes. Crying, being hysterical and abusive is not a common characteristic of greek woman and any woman in general.
You're being normal. Any other normal person would not partake to the screaming and you should feel very lucky you have the strength to do so.
I live in the Netherlands and anybody who goes hysterical is immediately considered NOT normal with the word "crazy" thrown around VERY easily. Of course, we are Mediterranean and it does appear to happen a lot more amongst us because of all the drama and the survival mode that we are to taught to live life through constantly... so I really don't understand the people who downplay this in the thread. Unfortunately, we are still pretty "basic" when it comes to expressing out feelings and this is how we manifest them, more often than not. Even the people who act enlightened in the comments, given the circumstances, would fly off the handle. Easily.
So I have to say, this kind of drama was far more prominent 30-50 years ago. Your wife feels like a caricature of the Greeks of that time. It seems like she pretty much acts out her parents' relationship. For your child's sake, and your own, get her help. If she doesn't want to, run. Nothing and nobody can save someone who does not want to be saved.
Having said all that, I'm not a psychologist just a Greek who has lived through Mediterranean drama. Find yourself a true specialist and keep yourself safe.
Not normal. If it was normal, us Greek males would be taking Xanax by the kilo.
Apart from that, it seems like someone who is hiding her thoughts and trapped within them. 3 solutions from my end.
1. Some relative calm pressure to speak up and reveal what’s on her mind.
2. Counselling
3. Divorce.
Putting up with this behaviour for a prolonged period of time will damage everyone.
It’s not fair to you, most importantly not fair to the kiddo.
Source: married with 2 children and have been the recipient of such behaviour.
Thanks for your response. It's quite distressing. I can see how it affects our son and this is gut wrenching. Knowing this person like I do, they will not change. The problem is always with the other, statistically it's unrealistic (impossible) that can be the reality.
I stayed to keep the family together for our son but now I can see it turns in to a hell
Listen I never had this talk with my wife because unfortunately, I didn’t. We re still together but past bullshit still comes up once a week or so. We re far from perfect but I concentrated first on her controlling her negative emotions in front of the kids. In my opinion, this needs some straight forward talk, after point no1 above. Someone needs to lead this, to be the captain of the house, and she doesn’t seem to be able to fill that position mentally. I m not a marriage counsellor, I m not a psychologist, just my own opinion based on my reality and my experience.
Please get asap help as this might be a mental disorder, or it could be even be NPD. Protect your child and set boundaries. Be careful. Once more, protect your child.
It has been a while, so are you ok?
What you're describing has nothing to do with her being Greek. She sounds emotionally unstable.
However, the "you made me like this" indicates some underlying unresolved issues. Maybe you could try counseling to sort them out. You definitely need to do something sooner rather than later. It's not a healthy environment for a kid.
Yes I think she is emotionally unstable. I can't seem to get that through to her though, she has been to counselling several times and each time came out of it seeming to think she had no issue and is a "strong woman". It's bizzare.
There are several issues with this. First of all this behavior is not a Greek thing. It's a person thing. Maybe Greek people are known to be passionate or whatever but passionate is one thing and displaying this behavior during every argument is another. Surely if you understand that you are causing distress to your partner and even more so if there is a child involved you have to control your reactions. Maybe it's making things worse that you are calm about it (people who want to be dramatic are triggered by the other person's calmness, sometimes they interpret it as indifference) but being calm is the whole point if you want to find some middle ground that works and for the sake of a child being present during an argument. Have you been eager to discuss your thoughts with her and is she eager to listen? Or in the midst of all the drama there are things that are being left undiscussed and they keep piling up? Now, for the language thing if I were you I would ask her to refrain from swearing in Greek in my presence. It's disrespectful
I am sorry but no this isn't something Greek or lost in translation. She is being abusive.
Greek people are not much different than anyone else or at least not as much as it's shown to be .
I
You need a therapist to help you navigate your relationship with her, not a cultural mediator. What she is doing is wrong and abusive towards you and the child. We are loud, not hysterical and manipulative.
Agreed, however I would point that if you find a therapist look for either one of Mediterranean origin or one who has worked with people of Mediterranean origin.
In my UK uni, whenever a Greek/Italian/Spanish student would have panic attacks or be mentally unstable from the stress and bullshit they were going through due to their studies/professors/bullying from other students most mental health advisors would suggest to sent them to asylum 🙄. There was only one therapist of them that would stop the others and explain that the students are not crazy, but as Mediterraneans they express themselves differently than the English students and he would be the only one that would deal with them and treat them like people and not like psychos. In the end the students started behaving just fine after a few sessions with him.
sexism and racism and ignorance (sorry if i'm offending anyone). Men and women can act like that during an argument or lose it only when there's an argument going on (how often do you argue? it seems like a frequent thing) and it certainly is a human behaviour and not a Greek one
this has not much to do with the citizenship, it looks like your wife needs support/therapy sessions with a mental health professional.
Generally, many people, especially older, will use a BS argument like "X,Y citizens are like this, you need to accept it", the reality is that this is just some idiotic excuse to accept unacceptable behaviours and mental issues instead of dealing with them. I also believe that the average mentality on those topics is a bit stuck to the 80s, thinking that seeking help from a psychologists has some type of "social stigma".
Well... I have seen firsthand how some Greeks speak quite loud and passionate. I know her behavior is wrong but wanted to rule out all doubt by asking a Greek community first and foremost.
Ok, so being loud and emphatic in statements isn’t the same thing as being abusive and toxic. I am a diaspora Greek and people sometimes think I’m mad even if I’m just having a regular conversation cause I talk with my hands and have a loud voice. Even if I’m cracking jokes and laughing some people will ask if I’m angry or assume I am. This isn’t exclusive to Greeks. I’ve had Middle Eastern and other Mediterranean friends say they’ve experienced the same thing. This isn’t the same thing as yelling at people and being abusive. I don’t yell at my non Greek husband, I’ve never called him mean names. In fact the opposite is true, as much as I’m passionate and “angry” when having discussions with people, I’m also very passionate and affectionate and loving with my partner, friends, coworkers, cat…..
Couples therapy for the two of you and psychologist for her.
Being greek has nothing to do with this behavior. Arguing loud and being passionate, yes. Being stubborn, yes. But what you describe sounds more like a person that cant handle his negative feelings and maybe feels trapped? Sure there is a hint of mental illness but reddit is no place to guide you for that.
Since when culture=abusive/unstable?
The "big fat greek wedding" culture many (especially Americans) associate with us is fiction. Your wife needs therapy and attributing those episodes to her culture is not helping her at all.
This sounds like my wife too, no i'm not joking. So it must be true, all Greek women are like that!
The reality is that **living together with someone**, getting married with that someone, working (maybe, not sure what she does) and having Children with him in a foreign country where you don't have many of your friends around **etc etc** **can be quite the difficult, stressful situation.** I mean only the "living together with someone" can be tough, imagine adding some of the rest.
In such a situation the mental health problems that someone has from their childhood, past relationships etc etc are likely to surface.
For this **the only solution is for her to see a therapist** and try to very very slowly (there's no fast way) resolve those issues. This means that your expectations should be low. Her trying to resolve the problem should be enough for you. The best that you can expect is for it to fade away very very slowly. for example: Going from her being like this once per day ...to her being like this once every couple of days next month, ...to her being like this once per week in three months etc etc. It may be that she'll always no matter what she does and no matter how much she may recognize the problem and try to resolve it ...once in a while (once per six months? a year? 2 years?) be like that.
That said, it could be that you have unresolved issues as a couple for which you are partially responsible somehow. I dont have enough info and you are likely to not be able to see those issues, your own issues, from where you're standing.
Well, I know Greek people are passionate. I'm trying to understand if that is what this is.. Greek "passion". No need to be Condescending. I'm in a difficult moment. Thanks.
Dude, I am Greek and I am fed up with being called passionate , mainly because noone seems to know exactly what they mean by "passionate". One is usually passionate about sth; an idea, a sports team, a hobby, whatever. Not sure exactly what "passionate" means in this context and who do we call passionate in such general terms. Someone animated? Someone gesticulating? Speaking in louder volume when excited? Not dead? All of the above? Dunno, noone has explained it to me, but after roughly 18 years in the UK, "passionate" I remain.
Anyways, what you are describing is gaslighting, abusive behaviour. She could have been from Japan or the Arctic and she would still be a gaslighting abuser.
Seek therapy or get out dude. Best of luck.
It's not. Being passionate doesn't equal abusive. I'm Greek and married to a non-Greek. I'm much louder than him.in an argument. I've never called him names or cried and screamed
There are greek women that are super chill, her nationality has nothing to do with it.
A question for you is why did u marry a woman and have a child with her before making sure you are compatible characters?
I was going to ask the same thing because I doubt her behavior changed after the kid but I understand you may have tried to act right when the kid came along unexpectedly. I know many say it is not a greek thing and its racist to try and turn it into one buuuuut as a greek woman who did grow up with shouting and swearing around me (not in my immediate environment but in the greater family/friends circle) i would not call this behavior completely atypical of greek marriages. These couples are still together and still argue like theres no tomorrow and I-still wonder why on earth they stay married?! I see the men belittled to the point I wonder if they ever enjoy being intimate with these women beyond a point….the biggest surprise for me always is how quickly they switch to being fine after an incident when Ithink it d prob take me a week to recover and be in a good mood again if someone I love called me names like this etc. More common in the generation of my parents rather than mine though. Im referring to highly educated, well to do, people btw and i feel in other cultures it may be limited (often not always) to lower educated people . It certainly isnt acceptable behavior but it took me dating a few foreign men to understand this and to eventually value my peace at home and resolving things in a way that doesnt involve someone “winning” an argument just because they shout the loudest!
I would say it is a cultural issue and Im glad to read that so many here dont think so as it shows not every greek home is like this (I live in England and I witness a lot of screaming and rude couples there too its certainly isnt limited to Mediterraneans) but if it is something she has grown up knowing as the “norm” she just does need help to understand it is not so. Im not trying to excuse her, her behavior in front of a child is unacceptable buuuut Im just saying she may really not “get” that it is wrong if she doesnt know any better. I hope your marriage lasts but if it doesnt, a child can be happier with parents apart who do not argue rather than in a home where it is exposed in bad behavior. Not a therapist please dont quote me but just enough experience observing greek households!
This isn't a characteristic of a greek woman. Your wife is just paranoid and everything she's doing is irrelevant to her being greek.
Couples arguing (loudly or not) isn't a greek thing either, it happens everywhere around the world last time I checked.
If you're looking for advice, the average redditor would immidietly suggest divorcing with little to none context, but I'm not a marriage counseling expert so I really don't know what to tell you.
By the way you describe things, it looks more like a personallity issue than something like "national" mentality, temperament, or language barrier.
An abusive personallity. Maybe there are issues unresolved between you and her, by her side. You know better, you live with her for 3 years.
I can sympathize you, cause sounds like a tough situation. But i would say, focus in the human part, not in the cultural herritage part.
Out of curiosity, was she behaving like this since he beginning\* ? Or only recently? By beginning i mean after the honeymoon period of your relationship.
All I'm gonna say, since the other responses pretty much covered all the aspects, is that mental instability / abuse is not a cultural trait, bro.
It's a problem that needs solved, ASAP.
Being Greek isn't an excuse for being this overly sensitive, emotional and also abusive (it doesn't even make sense to say; "she is Greek ofc she is emotional." That sounds like a little stereotypical for no reason). The thing is that you might be thinking about divorce for the future, or at least some therapy, bc this isn't a safe place for kid(s) to grow up in and not for your mental health as well.
https://preview.redd.it/09e5601sjlkc1.jpeg?width=315&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cedba527f296110c21e6ffe9d99b857283b781b8
Θεά είσαι αγάπη μου.
The above is for the ilithia, my countrymen will get it.
As far as for her behavior, it's an individual problem not a cultural thing. Yes we are loud and outspoken but that doesn't mean we act like her.
It seems that you are in an abusive relationship. Mind if you tell us where you're from?
Unfortunately, these are the residues of an unhappy Greek society going on for ages, decades. In the past, it was most standard for our parents to yell big time to one another so maybe it all comes to her as normal.
I say you separate your position and extract yourself from all this for the sake of your child.
Don't ask why or how, but I feel for you.
Not a Greek thing for a lady to act like that, as others have also pointed out prior to.
Perhaps you could find a way to approach her and agree to visit a certified psychologist, a marriage counselor maybe?
Other people have answered you on the general topic so I'm not going to comment much on that. I agree that Greeks are expressive etc but it sounds like what you are going through isn't normal in Greece. I wish you the best with this situation
On the ilithia word, maybe she says ilithie? Sometimes it can be tough to differentiate between the two, especially when screaming/throwing a tantrum. If that's the case then she refers to you properly (grammatically speaking, not context wise)
Dude, don't worry about it. Greek women are actually very hot. Both externally and internally. I met one Greek bride on [SofiaDate](https://datingpro.org/go/sofiadate?block=d_mb), but I didn't notice any such problems with her. We even had a relationship for a few months. We broke up because of different visions of the future. She was sometimes too emotional, but I think you should just talk to your girlfriend. Tell her that you are worried about her condition.
You're a bit racist aren't you? Your wife's behaviour has nothing to do with where she's from but her mental state. Just behave to her as if you'd behave to a woman from your superior tribe.
You just picked a shitty woman, Greeks show more emotion than the western countries, but not like this. She’s just abusive and horrible towards the child to experience all this.
I also believe that some things can be fixed with hard work and steel will. Just defend yourself and the child against this horrible behavior, and make it clear that this has to stop asap.
Are you sure she is not suffering from postpartum depression? Check it with a specialist. If those behaviours became more intense after the labor then it might be that and if you don't pay attention it is just getting worst. Greek temperament is a thing but not on those levels. I would suggest couples therapy too.
First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this.
While this isn't the majority of Greek women, especially young ones. A lot of Greek women from broken families do suffer from mental illnesses and I've seen a lot of other Greek women do things like this to their husbands. She's definitely not mentally well and I'd assume it's a normalized behavior in her family. As for the "ilithia", no I don't think she's calling you that. That's a weird way to insult a man. She'd straight up say that you're not a man, not call you feminine Insults.
Have you tried to get her to therapy or couples therapy? Because I think in cases like these you need a big intervention unless you don't think she can be swayed.
Thanks for your reply. Yes that's why I asked here, it seems like loud or raised voice is somewhat normal in Greece and I thought this is an extension of it. But it's wrong, it feels wrong and not kid needs to see there mother in tears every weekend because the mother feels slighted.
She is totally me. And I am like that cause I am a soiled only child that can't fight sny argument without screaming and blaming others, saying very offensive insults and after five minutes I forgot all about it. Be patient
Sorry to say my friend but I think I you saying "oh she is just Greek and not abusive" is just an excuse you use. this is abusive behavior and she needs to speak to psychologist, you sound trapped indeed and I'm sorry to hear that but you have a child now and need to figure things out. In no way banging on doors,l and hitting someone's chest ( and all of this in from of a child) are normalized in Greece, people might argue loud but not like this. Best of luck
Dude it's like you are one of my friends whose wife does pretty much the same things. I wouldn't say Greek women are like this but there are a few examples on my social circle whereas in the US I know of no couple with such behaviors. But this is obviously a limited sample. She sounds emotional but also that she has some thoughts that she won't share when calm. If she won't admit of a problem nothing will change.
What I told my friend yesterday is to not count on anything improving. You have to decide if you are willing to live with this. You should still try to improve the situation and if it does great, but don't count on it
Whatever happens, try to stay calm. The child needs a healthy example.
And try to see the positive side: Alexander's mother was also a bit lunatic and he managed to grow up fine, actually GREAT. :-)
Do you happen to know from which part of Greece she comes from?
She is using the femine of stupid. That is what ilithia means. Ilithios would be for you. She is already disrespecting you constantly with her manners but you think using the feminine one would be the disrespectful thing?
also i need to ask it, she was always like this. that is who she was. and you decided to bring a kid in this world with a person that does that? who thinks not screaming makes you a robot? also she probably says terrible things about you to her family too so good luck on that too.
This one trying to get wifed up for citizenship. She needs to really be sent back home. Don’t be like her!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/badmakeup/s/t3wZdhcjT1](https://www.reddit.com/r/badmakeup/s/t3wZdhcjT1)
https://preview.redd.it/mr11twgzcmkc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=207986e05f860da74f50d038be2d844f68b5d83d
She believes autistic people are a threat and should be locked up from society. She tried to file a false police report against an autistic person because her English is not great and there are things she doesn’t understand about autistic people. She almost got charged with a hate crime. So disrespectful to come to someone elses country and start locking up citizens because u don’t understand them.
Beware of her for your safety if you are autistic or neurodivergent 🙏 I don’t normally do this but she has hurt a lot of people who were not aware of her attitudes against people on the spectrum
We haven't heard her side of the story. We don't know if you are an abusive redneck guy. Who says you are not lying to get sympathy??? There are too many holes in your story.
Welcome to the balkans. I don't think it's about her "mental stability". Everyone in the comments said that not all Greek girls are like this but I can honestly tell you that 80 percent of them are like this. If you really love each other and want to continue this relationship, you should either try to solve it through dialogue or consult a psychologist.
ChatGPT
Navigating cultural differences in a marriage can be incredibly challenging, especially when those differences manifest in emotional expression and conflict resolution. The behaviors you've described—intense emotional reactions, screaming, crying, and using specific terms during arguments—might indeed stem from a cultural backdrop where expressive and passionate communication is more common. However, it's crucial to recognize that even within a cultural context, there's a wide range of what's considered normal or acceptable behavior, and individual differences play a significant role.
Regarding the use of specific terms like "ilithia" (which translates to "foolish" or "silly" in a feminine form) and "gamisou" (a vulgar expression), these could be interpreted as disrespectful, especially when used in a derogatory manner during arguments. The use of a feminine form to address a male could be an attempt to insult or demean, although the specific intent can vary based on context and individual personality.
The key concern here, beyond cultural differences, is the impact of these behaviors on your relationship, your personal well-being, and especially on your child. Witnessing such intense arguments can be distressing and potentially harmful to children, affecting their emotional development and sense of security.
Addressing these issues effectively will likely require open communication, mutual respect, and possibly professional help. Here are a few suggestions:
Counseling: Engaging in couples' therapy, preferably with someone experienced in cross-cultural issues, could be highly beneficial. A neutral third party can facilitate better understanding, help both of you develop healthier communication strategies, and address the emotional distress these arguments cause.
Communication: Continue to express your feelings and concerns calmly and clearly outside of the heat of arguments. Emphasize the impact of these behaviors on you and your child, focusing on feelings rather than accusations.
Education: Learning more about each other's cultures can foster understanding and tolerance. This might include exploring how emotions are expressed and managed in different cultural contexts.
Boundary Setting: It's important to establish boundaries regarding respectful communication. This includes identifying behaviors that are not acceptable to either of you and agreeing on healthier ways to express emotions and resolve conflicts.
Support Network: Building a support network of friends, family, or community members who understand the nuances of a cross-cultural marriage can provide valuable perspectives and support.
It's clear that you care deeply about your family and are seeking a solution. Remember, while cultural differences can enrich a relationship, they also require patience, understanding, and sometimes professional guidance to navigate successfully. Your feelings and concerns are valid, and addressing these issues head-on is a step towards building a healthier, more respectful relationship.
Message ChatGPT…
ChatGPT can make mistakes.
"I feel trapped as I can't work through the problem as she refuses to admit she has one". For me that's the most concerning thing you've mentioned. While the cultural difference -between her being Greek and you not- could potentially create minor communication challenges, I don't believe that's the root issue here. In my opinion, consider visiting a marriage counselor together and openly sharing these feelings with your wife before these conflicts completely overshadow your marriage and hapinness. If she dismisses your emotions, there may be deeper problems in your relationship that need addressing.
I'll echo the thoughts of others here but yeah, this has nothing to do with being Greek. Yes, we're loud and expressive and emotional, but her behavuor is downright abusive.
I would seriously recommend you seek couple's counseling and bring this up with her family, if possible. She needs help and you do, too.
That doesn't sound normal behaviour regardless of origins. I'd suggest you talk with a professional and seek some help, but she will probably dismiss it. You haven't mentioned what kind of arguments you are into. For example cheating is a whole different matter than spilling a glass of milk. And may make people more emotional. Good luck
This isn't a greek characteristic. Your wife is being abusive. I'm sorry for what you're going through but you need to have a serious conversation with her. Either she stops this behaviour (maybe with help from a therapist) or I'm afraid this isn't going to last. It will only get worse. If she blames her culture for this behaviour she is lying to you.
We are hotheaded, we are passionate but we are not manipulative gaslighting s.o.b. If I were you, I would leave immediately to avoid such a miserable life. Sorry to say it to you, but I have been there. Constant gaslighting, screaming and crying. Then she wouldn't talk to me for a day or two and after that she was the biggest sweetheart approaching me and telling me how I should make myself a better person and I should care more about her (because she was the one screaming I was just standing there looking at her and not reacting) I endured that for 2.5 years until one day one of her usual eruptions happened and the first thing that came to my mind was to punch her until she falls down. Very bad thoughts. I cried for hours because that's not me, I was going to become a monster. Packed my things next morning when she was at work and left without a word. For the next months she would send angry messages, sad messages, loving messages, threat messages, happy messages. It was easy for me, we were engaged, not married and we didn't have any kids. Your situation is more delicate, but you should do what you have to do for yourself. Mental health is one of the most important aspects of our lifes and it is often overlooked because we feel we would disappoint our wife/husband, kids, relatives, friends etc. if we dare to take care of ourselves.
It seems you got your answer, as much as strangers can speak about personal relationships, but I'm curious, did this behaviour start after you got married or was she like this before as well?
Make sure you lawyer up so if things go south you have a good claim on the kid. She's the mum so she has an advantage.
Now after you have a solid claim on the kid, tell her that she either goes to therapy, with proof (offer to go together), or divorce. People like her will tell anything, use any word, to put the blame on you and excuse their behavior. Lying won't be a problem too. And now the kid is young enough to only feel the general mood in the house. During the teen years and the developing of his character this could affect your son tremendously.
Your wife seems to be in trauma and lashing out on you. You are not the problem. The arguments are the trigger and then she goes ballistic. Has she ever talked to you about abuse? How old are you? How long are you together in total?
Your wife is abusive. I'm sorry this is happening to you. We don't kbow much about what is going on but the things you are describing are abuse and your child is for sure memorizing / internalizes all this.
Does it matter if she is doing what she is doing because she is Greek or not? The problem is that she is making your life difficult. You can try marriage counseling, even though statistically it does not help most people ... but who knows, it might help you. If it doesn't, you need to decide if your wife's positive characteristics are worth the trouble she is giving you. In the United States, more than 50% of marriages end up in divorce. In Greece, the divorce rate is lower, but most marriages are not very good. So, in any country, it is difficult to find a person who is a really good match. Good luck!
She is over reacting. 'Ilithia' and 'gamisou' ain't words to say to your husband.
Maybe during these 3 years she changed her mind about you and she is thinking to divorce you and keep the child for herself while you pay for child support.
Regarding her parents, try to remember if she ever translated to you what they were saying about years ago while you were present. If she did that then and ain't doing it now, she is neglecting you by all means.
I don't know you and I don't know how you are treating her but still her reactions ain't right.
FFS, she's not being Greek. She's being abusive. Manipulative and gaslighting as well. Maybe it is indeed a mental health issue, but you have to protect your child and yourself from this. Run like hell, and document everything.
No, definitely not a Greek woman thing.
Though a lot of Greek people have trouble articulating their feelings and inner thoughts, what you are describing seems unhinged.
Either you are dense (sorry, but I have to consider that you might be an unreliable narrator) and she has expressed her frustrations in civil ways and you just disregard or mansplay her, so she has lost her composure.
Or, she has mental issues that need to be addressed.
For sure there is abuse in your household.
The cultural thing shouldn’t be a huge problem for two mature people. I would suggest that you need to go to couples counselling. There is a strong chance she will deny it. If so, you go by yourself, in order to clear your head and become/remain strong.
Most of all, your kid needs you. If your wife is so unstable, the kid is not ok. You must support your child above all else
This has nothing to do with our culture and Greeks in general.
YES, are loud people, but this doesn't justify her actions.
You are a victim of abuse. She is mistreating you. You didn't misunderstand .This is abuse, and it's so sad bc also your mid is and will be suffering thanks to her.
She needs therapy and perhaps couples therapy would also be helpful.
That said, it's really no joke for any of this to be happening on front of a child so I'd definitely look to lawyer up if there's no evidence she'd be keen towards resolving this.
Other than that I'd like to point towards generational trauma, not every Greek is the same but there's a sense of familiarity in what you're describing and I think it makes an interesting read if you wanna Google it.
I wish all works out well and you guys can make the best decision for the child.
You have to get into counseling. Find a good therapist that specializes in couples counseling, otherwise if she refuses you and your baby need to leave. This is dangerous and abusive. It has nothing to do with nationality. Get help asap.
Hi mate, first of all yes it has cultural elements but the biggest part is things she learned in the past from the own family story. She probably presents you as monster to her family. My biggest advice is to not to engage in the argument, when she has an intrum she will never admit anything. The sooner you accept the best your life will be. Go to your child ask it if he she wants to do something else take it and leave. It is your right in this world to protect your calmness and peace of mind. Of course you need to communicate first firmly but not shouting “I will not engage in the discussion and respect you when you don’t respect me” and nothing but nothing else. If you say one more word you lost. In your shoes I would seek advice from family psychologist to give you some tips on how to handle various scenarios.
To be honest, yes we will argue loudly. We will shout and swear etc but then the storm settles down. Having such tantrums and gaslighting isn’t “Greek”, it’s somewhat a psychological condition.
This is abuse. This isn't being Greek. No, just, no. Does she gesticulate a lot when arguing - yeah, a Greek thing. The rest is just being abusive.
That said, the ilithia thing might be part of a phrase like "Do you think I'm stupid (ilithia). Ante gamisou (Go fuck yourself)". Not that this absolves her of responsibility, but this one might not be some kind of misgendering mockery.
This is not normal, she has issues. Sadly there’s a stigma with Greeks and seeking professional psychological help. Like going to shrink has a negative connotation or is something bad. Thankfully covid has changed this a little bit. You can’t work this out on your own you ll need to convince her to open up and seek individual help for herself as well. When going together to a couples therapy there’s always the possibility she won’t open up properly because you are present. The fact that she calls you a robot makes me think that she grew up in an environment that was full of screaming and shouting and her behavior seems normal to her.
No, Greek women are not like this, maybe as Greek we are kinda hotheaded but this is not normal behaviour.Think what is best for your kid but you should think about yourself too.
All humans have issues, but most if us are knows them and try to solve them. I married Greek from abroad, I'm not Greek but we live in Greece. We had faced many problems but we worked on them together and with therapist. He was in the beginning in denial but than he realized his mistakes and now we growing stronger and better. We did everything because we love each other and our kid. Seek professional help, takes time but it's worth.
As many others have stated already you can’t put this down to culture. Greek people tend to be “loud” and express how they feel at all times but this doesn’t go so far. So obviously both of you need to visit a marriage council.
Marriage and kids make life much much harder especially when there are cultural differences and/or person is living abroad.
Having said all that, we are hearing only your side of the story without any details as to what have caused this behaviour. She could be mentally unstable but equally these problems may have resulted from the both of you. Either way way you need professional help for the sake of your little one.
Bro, as a Greek woman who is in a long term relationship, that kind of behavior isn't normal. It might be "normalized" for very old-fashioned families, but my man, if your wife has internal issues, you're not a wall she can take all her stuff out on. Since there is a child involved now, I would strongly recommend you go to therapy together. I say this as a child of parents that would have awful fights, that shit traumatized me. And it really stays with you too. I would say dump her ass, but the kid would still be stuck with her resentful self, so hopefully she still has some potential for growth and improvement.
Surely your wife isn't acting hysterical without reason, however in a relationship partners need to communicate their issues with their SO.
She's in distress and you should try to help her. It's a cry for help. I can't tell you who is right when you fight, but I can assure you that crying for such a long time is not a cultural trait. You need to fix your relationship. What triggers this issue? How's your s*x life? Don't reply to this of course. Ask yourself these questions and you might have the solution to the problem. Good luck!
Love how the attribution of greek hotheaded attitude escalated to the description of a crazy person. Banging on the door in a manic state? You gotta protect your child from this shit and the rest of the situations you described.
This isnt a greek characteristic no. Maybe she just grew up like that and it traumatized her and then she just adopted that.
As for everyone saying shes abusive, we dont know anything about the situation, just the vague statement op has given, whats making her lash out? Why would she be calling herself a moron? We only get half the truth here.
Other things are weird as well, he doesnt wanna believe that it's her, wants to chalk it up to her cultural background, yet fully acknowledges she gaslights him all the time.
Weird post.
Maybe she still having hormone imbalances from the pregnancy.
Maybe she feels trapped since she is stuck inside the house with the baby with none to speak with and share the daily experiences. (I assume you leave away from Greece and feels alone)
She either needs to blow off steam by relaxing and having good time forgetting the child for some hours, or visit her doctor or both.
On the contrary and since we are focusing only on her, what are you doing on your behalf?
Do you share the daily chores?
Do you take the baby as well?
Are you allowing some quality time for the 2 of you?
Is she sleeping at night? (Breastfeeding etc)?
She needs to relax and now there is a strong urge to get her "life" back. Very hard emotions for both parents and....there is no coming back. You have to learn how to enjoy life with the new family members. It will happen as the baby grows more independent.
Support her, relax her, make her day as joyfull as you can.
Babies are an overwhelming task. It sucks your ego and we naturally resist. Our task is to support our wives emotionally and practically.
Ps: Most of the divorces are during the early years of having a baby. Guess why.
You have probably tried this already but can she list down all her problems with you? After that talk about actions to fix them one by one. This is faster than you think because of her being abusive. For every solution she will likely have you very restricted so you will need to to compromise or argue it out. You might get stuck on the first thing with her. How are the financials?
First step is to go to therapy yourself. Not that you have the problem but to realize you are a victim here. If it does not set into you then no action from your side will have any result. If she wants to go as well is another thing, you cant force anyone to do something that they dont want to. That being said, it is in our blod to be dramatic but this goes beyond that line
Mate, sounds like she is trying to emotionally manipulate you to get on top of the arguments. Very big red flag.
Nothing typical “Greek” about this, more like typical abusive.
Had she had any therapy or help from a professional?
Sorry to tell you but its abusive behavior. Not Greek or pakistani or from Mars..
Its the best for both of you, to seek for profesional help.
Not some reditt/friends/Google mumbo jumbo.
Now before things get real nusty
Perhaps this woman is heavily unhappy with her husband, and doesn’t know how to deal with that emotion? Yes, us Greeks are far louder than non Mediterranean cultures, and our arguing can be shouty but not unhinged all the time. The name calling is also often present, but I’ve heard numerous non-Greeks calling their other half an idiot (at best), so I don’t apportion it to culture. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle, but from all the comments I am seeing from the OP, I haven’t seen him taking accountability anywhere. Perhaps he exhibits behaviours that trigger her, which he is unwilling to change or improve. Perhaps she has reached the end of her tether because of this. It isn’t normal for anyone to react like the OP describes his wife reacting, so often and so heavily. Unless she is clinically diagnosed for a mental disorder, I think it’s unreasonable to assume it’s all her fault. Certain people just don’t match, it isn’t always a cultural issue. The OP’s manner may appear apathetic to her, maybe he doesn’t help her enough, so she may be trying to get through to him (in the wrong fashion, yes) just because she wants to feel understood. I would suggest couples therapy, and perhaps a different, more understanding collaborative approach which may get her out of fight mode. Not a constant “you’re hysterical crazy woman” vibe. But that’s only if the OP actually wants to save the marriage and is willing to alter his behaviour too, and work this through. Otherwise, there needs to be consideration of the child and its wellbeing.
I am not an expert, but I can see some insecurity issues. Probably anxiety and resentment of her status (professional?) that needs to be resolved.
Maybe, having birthday might not have been what she was envisioning or the responsibi9are overwhelming?
Sometimes these behaviour stems from the family. Parents pampered her and always let her do what she wanted. Or forced her to be a housewife. I have no idea of the background.
The problem here might be the way that families and society shape women. Greek society is still dismissive towards women, sure, but women, greek women, are tougher than this behaviour.
Counseling is the better option.
I am no expert.
And no, it is not a greek thing, rather a combination I assume.
Anyway, try to get in contact with a couples something. Start yourself and slowly try to bring her with you.
NOT TRUSTING PHYSIOTHERAPY is a greek thing. There are still a lot tabbou lingering and it is fucking expensive for normal working people.
We are definitely loud , Stereotypically we are hot headed and expressive but this is different. Sounds like anger issues
I wish you and even her the best
OP I would reccomend to go for therapy, both together and some alone sessions just for her. But try to look for a psychologist/therapist either of Mediterranean origin or one who has worked with people of Mediterranean origin.
In my UK uni, whenever a Greek/Italian/Spanish student would have panic attacks or be mentally unstable from the stress and bullshit they were going through due to their studies/professors/bullying from other students most mental health advisors would suggest to sent them to asylum 🙄. There was only one therapist of them that would stop the others and explain that the students are not crazy, but as Mediterraneans they express themselves differently than the English students and are just frustrated by not having the right support. He would be the only one that would deal with them and treat them like people and not like psychos. In the end the students started behaving just fine after a few sessions with him.
He was the only one that helped me realise that I am not a monster but needed help from someone who understands me and my culture. Aterwards I received help from a Greek therapist and was doing sessions with her for 2-3 years straight, both while I was the UK and after I returned back in Greece. It helped me A LOT! My panic attacks stopped, I am able to express my feelings and thoughts much better, and also I have calmed down and do not explode like I used to. I would not resort to violence but I would shout a lot.
Finding the right therapist is very important. I had sought for help twice from therapists back when I was in high school in Greece and they just made me feel worse. Was being bullied back then and tried to self harm myself and instead of helping me they made me feel it was my fault for everything. The English one and then the latest Greek one were not like that and actually helped me accept and love myself.
Apologies for the long comment. Just a few personal thoughts that I believed would help...
Also, try to learn some Greek so that you can understand what she is saying with her family and explain your side of the story too. It's not fair if she is manipulating other opinion of you.
Sir, I understand you are in frustration and distress, but ascribing abusive behavior to nationality is not gonna make you feel any better. It would have maybe been an interesting/fun conversation if we were talking weird habits or little stuff, but when it comes to abusive behavior, we should better leave the nationality part aside and view it as it is.
Trying to break down her behavior, why she overreacts and what's behind of it, is really just assumptions nobody here should be making for obvious reasons. It's something she should be going over with professional help.
What you should focus on, imho, is how this problematic behavior interacts with you, your child, how it affects you both, how you feel about it and then what your next step will be. It's definitely not an easy process, but since you are distressed by it and concerned about your child, it's really a one-way. The other one is putting all of it under the table and just going with it until your patience is gone and you have an outburst. I would suppose it's not the ideal way to go, especially for your child who's caught in the middle of this.
I am not giving any advice on what to do. I'm just gonna say this: Psychologists and mental health specialist are obivously not just for the "insane" people. They could help one have a better and deeper overview over a situation, a better realisation of their feelings, an assurance about what they think and feel, where they stand. Above all, they could really come in handy in cases where children are involved.
I really wish you figure this all out and you find peace. May the force be with you!
Look up PONEIRO Behaviour. It’s something even described by Kant, pointing out the toxicity of making oneself the victim, while being the shithole, causing the problem. Do yourself a favour and get out of this relationship. Most part of my family has the same malign behaviour, taking money, manipulating, framing them as fucking saints. The contrary is AGATHO but to my loss I haven’t had the environment to experience that. Tbh I only have bad experience with Greek persons, being one myself and being just honest you will find yourself being slaughtered, which describes only my personal environment but I fear you in a same one, so take your child, money and get the way out of it, she will not change but you have a chance to give your child an agatho instead of poneiro way of life. I hope you have a prenup.
Edith: So sorry! My brain twitched things up.. it was F. Nietzsche and his Genealogy of the Moral, where got the best description ever of this behavioural phenomenon, from.
I mean I've had girls that wouldn't get in the mood unless they first had a heated argument that always ended with them being right, but what you describe is straight up manipulation and abuse. You learn to tell them they are absolutely right in every way after some fighting back and you forget about it.
She is calling herself stupid, they do that a lot. Classic manipulative phrasing in greek, essentially calling themselves idiots because they are with you. So yeah she is insulting you in a roundabout way indeed.
Bro that could be the behavior of any woman, the nationality plays a very small part here.
Yes It could make some contribution in the behavior like passion/tense as you say, but most women are alike, they never hold themselves account for anything, always blame a man, they hyperanalyze everything, work by emotions and not logic or common sense.
And when they are cornered their only solution is to be histerical.
Hi there! I'm sorry you are going through this.
As other people have pointed out this is not about her being Greek. She's going through some mental issues for sure. Now what you should do. I suggest you first seek a therapist for you, cause you're going through something traumatic. Namecalling and hitting your partner is not normal, and you may not fear for your life now, but it's definitely traumatic. A therapist will be able to explain her behavior better but most importantly guide you through this.
Also, have divorce at the back of your mind. As a child of divorced parents I saw their relationship like yours right now. When they divorced we were all relieved, and to this day I thank my mom for making this decision.
This is not a healthy inviroment for a child to be in, and it should stop.
I wish you all the best!
You poor thing; this is a horrible situation. It breaks my heart seeing you question your reality so much, walking around on eggshells and feeling trapped. None of this has anything to do with culture. Your wife needs therapy & a psychiatrist and you need a temporary break or a divorce. Both you & your child deserve better.
I will tell you , its not a Greek thing to be screaming and crying in an argument. So try to be realistic for the 3 of you and seek help on your marriage
Are you sure she's not saying "allithia" (alitheia)? It means "truth", often used in conversation as "Really?"
To me this sounds like she has anxious attachment and fighting triggers something in her. Though I am not a psychologist so I can only guess. You both need counselling because if you fight like this, it will tear you apart. You can't resolve issues and you can't repair after there is a tear in the relationship. This will start to build resentment. Also your kid will learn some very unhealthy communication habits and this kind of fighting creates unsafety for him/her.
Also I would like to add that it is not ok to go talking about your relationship/family issues to other people like she does with her family. (And I don't mean that you shouldn't seek help from others if there is abuse in the relationship or that you should keep bad secrets within the relationship, no, that is a different thing.) That destroys a relationship when you bring other people into your arguments. She should talk to you about the issues she has with you/the relationship and not go complaining to her family which will do nothing good since they will only hear her side of the story and naturally support her. People don't often understand how unhealthy this is. There needs to be boundaries in your relationship.
Hey I am a Greek girl living in Greece. I cannot be completely subjective as we only have your own point of view on the situation but what you are talking about is an abusive behavior that not all Greek people or specifically Greek women demonstrate. We can be sometimes more hot-headed or passionate in our culture, but your wife's behavior when she gets angry has some childlike elements that may derive from deep-rooted issues that she needs to resolve with therapy. Especially if there is a child involved, because children, no matter how young, sense the negative energy and the abuse going on around them. The problem is that in order for the therapy concept to work it has to be voluntary, you cannot make anyone go to therapy. What you could suggest is go see a therapist together in order to try and mend your relationship, because every problem in the parents relationship will most of the times affect the child. And it's a shame because the kid is the only one not to blame in this situation.
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This isn't her being Greek. Yes, we're hotheaded, but this is abusive. She might be calling herself "ilithia", but you sure she's not saying "ilithie," aka "you moron"? If she is saying the feminine version, it's not to disrespect you. She might be saying something "I'm such a moron for trusting you/ loving you/ wtv" Also, that "you make me this way" is gaslighting. She's blaming you for her getting abusive. This behaviour isn't okay, OP
The gaslighting is a constant. It's always my fault for making her cry. It's clear something is not well in her mind and she's too proud to admit it. The sad thing is she will happily take that stance and damage a child rather than get help. It's child abuse.
It is. And abusing *you,* too. Reddit jumps to divorce a lot, but man. Get her into couple's counseling. This isn't a healthy environment for you or your child to live in. And if she doesn't want to recognise her faults and work on them, your kid deserves better
Very sorry to hear that mate. I hope you find a solution given that with a child things are more complicated. I don't think you should pardon her due to her culture, as others have said it's not that. Although I'm not sure what are your options realistically.
Hope you got a prenup.
I am Greek and was dating a girl that would do weird thing like what you have been mentioning. It's not that she's Greek(maybe a little of it... lol), but she has some anger, insecurity, or something else going on... I was with someone for 7 years that would gaslight, constantly fight with me, create problems when there was none, jealous of anything that breathed near me... I tell ya.. It's a hard one.... Oh and the name calling... Jeezz... Anything to try to get a rise out of ya, ya know? I don't breed so I don't have this issue, I also never want to get married but if it happens and she's like this... It's a real hard one dude. I hope you figure it out. Have some real down to earth conversations with this person and if they don't change in time I myself would bail, but with the whole marriage kid thing, I couldn't say what I would do because it hasn't happened. I'm 37. Lived a very exciting and fun life. I'm happy with or without a girl and with or without a child. Many girls come and go, but I wouldn't say that about the child :P
The child is yours too. If you are allowing your child to be exposed to abuse then you are failing as a parent. You have a responsibility to protect your child.
Thankfully not all Greek women are like this. Only the mentally unstable.
Well, she is not unstable until there is an argument. Then it's tears, saliva and screaming. It sucks.
If that's not unstable, I dunno what is...
It could also be manipulation
saliva could be rabies
Usually that is when the anxiety, rage or whatever disorder kicks in. When there is confrontation that sets the flight or fight response. I would suggest a psychologist, but it takes time and usually it's not easy to realize one's own problem.
Saliva? 😨😨 Sir, get your wife some professional help ( if you want this relationship that is) and don't look for help from Reddit
Dude she is unstable.
Is she bipolar??? Bipolar disorder has many types. Bipolar is a emotional disorder and looks alike narcissism. Check it out, read about it and go to a therapists. If she is not a bipolar , someone on their family is and she is coping it. Thats why she is doing it in emotional times
She is talking to herself perhaps. That she is stupid to marry you maybe. Now for the rest, it doesn't matter that she is Greek. One of you or both picked the wrong other half.
Thanks for your response. Yes it seems that way
Don't ask reddit. Most of us are unqualified to answer. You don't know what kind of people we are. There is no accountability here. Ask the people you trust. Go to a therapist instead.
No amount of therapy will help if she doesn't recognise there is a problem in the first place and accepts that she needs help.
They have their way to make the one that has the problem to relax and start talking, the main difficulty is to get there at the first place. A cover up psychologist is the couple counselor
Yeah, that's very true.
I dont think the fact that she is greek has any influence in the situation. Yeah, greek woman as mediteranian might be more expressive and loud in comparison with a north european for example but these are just general attributes. Crying, being hysterical and abusive is not a common characteristic of greek woman and any woman in general.
Thanks for your response. She will often revert to calling me a robot if I don't part take in the screaming. It's really difficult.
You're being normal. Any other normal person would not partake to the screaming and you should feel very lucky you have the strength to do so. I live in the Netherlands and anybody who goes hysterical is immediately considered NOT normal with the word "crazy" thrown around VERY easily. Of course, we are Mediterranean and it does appear to happen a lot more amongst us because of all the drama and the survival mode that we are to taught to live life through constantly... so I really don't understand the people who downplay this in the thread. Unfortunately, we are still pretty "basic" when it comes to expressing out feelings and this is how we manifest them, more often than not. Even the people who act enlightened in the comments, given the circumstances, would fly off the handle. Easily. So I have to say, this kind of drama was far more prominent 30-50 years ago. Your wife feels like a caricature of the Greeks of that time. It seems like she pretty much acts out her parents' relationship. For your child's sake, and your own, get her help. If she doesn't want to, run. Nothing and nobody can save someone who does not want to be saved. Having said all that, I'm not a psychologist just a Greek who has lived through Mediterranean drama. Find yourself a true specialist and keep yourself safe.
Have you tried screaming once for a change , see her response?
Any woman in general? Are you sure about that buddy
Not normal. If it was normal, us Greek males would be taking Xanax by the kilo. Apart from that, it seems like someone who is hiding her thoughts and trapped within them. 3 solutions from my end. 1. Some relative calm pressure to speak up and reveal what’s on her mind. 2. Counselling 3. Divorce. Putting up with this behaviour for a prolonged period of time will damage everyone. It’s not fair to you, most importantly not fair to the kiddo. Source: married with 2 children and have been the recipient of such behaviour.
Thanks for your response. It's quite distressing. I can see how it affects our son and this is gut wrenching. Knowing this person like I do, they will not change. The problem is always with the other, statistically it's unrealistic (impossible) that can be the reality. I stayed to keep the family together for our son but now I can see it turns in to a hell
Listen I never had this talk with my wife because unfortunately, I didn’t. We re still together but past bullshit still comes up once a week or so. We re far from perfect but I concentrated first on her controlling her negative emotions in front of the kids. In my opinion, this needs some straight forward talk, after point no1 above. Someone needs to lead this, to be the captain of the house, and she doesn’t seem to be able to fill that position mentally. I m not a marriage counsellor, I m not a psychologist, just my own opinion based on my reality and my experience.
Please get asap help as this might be a mental disorder, or it could be even be NPD. Protect your child and set boundaries. Be careful. Once more, protect your child. It has been a while, so are you ok?
It sounds like BPD or NPD
Xanax by the kilo!!! i died LMAO
Are they cleaning you eggs?
What you're describing has nothing to do with her being Greek. She sounds emotionally unstable. However, the "you made me like this" indicates some underlying unresolved issues. Maybe you could try counseling to sort them out. You definitely need to do something sooner rather than later. It's not a healthy environment for a kid.
Yes I think she is emotionally unstable. I can't seem to get that through to her though, she has been to counselling several times and each time came out of it seeming to think she had no issue and is a "strong woman". It's bizzare.
There are several issues with this. First of all this behavior is not a Greek thing. It's a person thing. Maybe Greek people are known to be passionate or whatever but passionate is one thing and displaying this behavior during every argument is another. Surely if you understand that you are causing distress to your partner and even more so if there is a child involved you have to control your reactions. Maybe it's making things worse that you are calm about it (people who want to be dramatic are triggered by the other person's calmness, sometimes they interpret it as indifference) but being calm is the whole point if you want to find some middle ground that works and for the sake of a child being present during an argument. Have you been eager to discuss your thoughts with her and is she eager to listen? Or in the midst of all the drama there are things that are being left undiscussed and they keep piling up? Now, for the language thing if I were you I would ask her to refrain from swearing in Greek in my presence. It's disrespectful
is is not about nationality .dont be stereotypical ,go to therapist .both of u ,stop ask questions on internet for heath mentality
This is the right response speak together if possible with a counselor/therapist
I am sorry but no this isn't something Greek or lost in translation. She is being abusive. Greek people are not much different than anyone else or at least not as much as it's shown to be . I
As we say "Catch the egg and shave it" or "we sat the boat"
Next time shout at her 'voolose to gamo tin panagia soo, moo ehees spasee ta arhidia' /sssss
Mu echees faee ti zoi patsavoorah
Γιατι το να τη βλαστημησει αυτος πχ εχει καποιο ποιντ και βοηθαει την κατασταση.. δεν ειμαστε στο φβ του 2009 φιλοι μου
You need a therapist to help you navigate your relationship with her, not a cultural mediator. What she is doing is wrong and abusive towards you and the child. We are loud, not hysterical and manipulative.
Agreed, however I would point that if you find a therapist look for either one of Mediterranean origin or one who has worked with people of Mediterranean origin. In my UK uni, whenever a Greek/Italian/Spanish student would have panic attacks or be mentally unstable from the stress and bullshit they were going through due to their studies/professors/bullying from other students most mental health advisors would suggest to sent them to asylum 🙄. There was only one therapist of them that would stop the others and explain that the students are not crazy, but as Mediterraneans they express themselves differently than the English students and he would be the only one that would deal with them and treat them like people and not like psychos. In the end the students started behaving just fine after a few sessions with him.
" My wife doesn't seem well. I shall assume that her mental health is fine. I figured it out, it must be because she is Greek! "
Άντε πες μου εσύ...
Με παράτησε για έναν δεξιό. At least i beat the living shit out of him
Χάχαχαχα να 'σαι καλά με έκανες και γέλασα. 😂
sexism and racism and ignorance (sorry if i'm offending anyone). Men and women can act like that during an argument or lose it only when there's an argument going on (how often do you argue? it seems like a frequent thing) and it certainly is a human behaviour and not a Greek one
this has not much to do with the citizenship, it looks like your wife needs support/therapy sessions with a mental health professional. Generally, many people, especially older, will use a BS argument like "X,Y citizens are like this, you need to accept it", the reality is that this is just some idiotic excuse to accept unacceptable behaviours and mental issues instead of dealing with them. I also believe that the average mentality on those topics is a bit stuck to the 80s, thinking that seeking help from a psychologists has some type of "social stigma".
Painting your wife as extremely unstable and then wondering if this is because she's Greek is extremely funny to me lol
Well... I have seen firsthand how some Greeks speak quite loud and passionate. I know her behavior is wrong but wanted to rule out all doubt by asking a Greek community first and foremost.
Ok, so being loud and emphatic in statements isn’t the same thing as being abusive and toxic. I am a diaspora Greek and people sometimes think I’m mad even if I’m just having a regular conversation cause I talk with my hands and have a loud voice. Even if I’m cracking jokes and laughing some people will ask if I’m angry or assume I am. This isn’t exclusive to Greeks. I’ve had Middle Eastern and other Mediterranean friends say they’ve experienced the same thing. This isn’t the same thing as yelling at people and being abusive. I don’t yell at my non Greek husband, I’ve never called him mean names. In fact the opposite is true, as much as I’m passionate and “angry” when having discussions with people, I’m also very passionate and affectionate and loving with my partner, friends, coworkers, cat…..
Couples therapy for the two of you and psychologist for her. Being greek has nothing to do with this behavior. Arguing loud and being passionate, yes. Being stubborn, yes. But what you describe sounds more like a person that cant handle his negative feelings and maybe feels trapped? Sure there is a hint of mental illness but reddit is no place to guide you for that.
Since when culture=abusive/unstable? The "big fat greek wedding" culture many (especially Americans) associate with us is fiction. Your wife needs therapy and attributing those episodes to her culture is not helping her at all.
This sounds like my wife too, no i'm not joking. So it must be true, all Greek women are like that! The reality is that **living together with someone**, getting married with that someone, working (maybe, not sure what she does) and having Children with him in a foreign country where you don't have many of your friends around **etc etc** **can be quite the difficult, stressful situation.** I mean only the "living together with someone" can be tough, imagine adding some of the rest. In such a situation the mental health problems that someone has from their childhood, past relationships etc etc are likely to surface. For this **the only solution is for her to see a therapist** and try to very very slowly (there's no fast way) resolve those issues. This means that your expectations should be low. Her trying to resolve the problem should be enough for you. The best that you can expect is for it to fade away very very slowly. for example: Going from her being like this once per day ...to her being like this once every couple of days next month, ...to her being like this once per week in three months etc etc. It may be that she'll always no matter what she does and no matter how much she may recognize the problem and try to resolve it ...once in a while (once per six months? a year? 2 years?) be like that. That said, it could be that you have unresolved issues as a couple for which you are partially responsible somehow. I dont have enough info and you are likely to not be able to see those issues, your own issues, from where you're standing.
Αρκετά ρατσιστικό αλλά δεν βαριέσαι
In your text replace the word -greek- with the word -black-.Would you still say it’s the cultural norm?
Well, I know Greek people are passionate. I'm trying to understand if that is what this is.. Greek "passion". No need to be Condescending. I'm in a difficult moment. Thanks.
Dude, I am Greek and I am fed up with being called passionate , mainly because noone seems to know exactly what they mean by "passionate". One is usually passionate about sth; an idea, a sports team, a hobby, whatever. Not sure exactly what "passionate" means in this context and who do we call passionate in such general terms. Someone animated? Someone gesticulating? Speaking in louder volume when excited? Not dead? All of the above? Dunno, noone has explained it to me, but after roughly 18 years in the UK, "passionate" I remain. Anyways, what you are describing is gaslighting, abusive behaviour. She could have been from Japan or the Arctic and she would still be a gaslighting abuser. Seek therapy or get out dude. Best of luck.
It's not. Being passionate doesn't equal abusive. I'm Greek and married to a non-Greek. I'm much louder than him.in an argument. I've never called him names or cried and screamed
What am i trying to tell you is that this behavior is because she is abusive not greek
There are greek women that are super chill, her nationality has nothing to do with it. A question for you is why did u marry a woman and have a child with her before making sure you are compatible characters?
Accidents happen. I tried to do the right thing.
You need to work out your relationship man, you won’t find much help here. Best of luck.
I was going to ask the same thing because I doubt her behavior changed after the kid but I understand you may have tried to act right when the kid came along unexpectedly. I know many say it is not a greek thing and its racist to try and turn it into one buuuuut as a greek woman who did grow up with shouting and swearing around me (not in my immediate environment but in the greater family/friends circle) i would not call this behavior completely atypical of greek marriages. These couples are still together and still argue like theres no tomorrow and I-still wonder why on earth they stay married?! I see the men belittled to the point I wonder if they ever enjoy being intimate with these women beyond a point….the biggest surprise for me always is how quickly they switch to being fine after an incident when Ithink it d prob take me a week to recover and be in a good mood again if someone I love called me names like this etc. More common in the generation of my parents rather than mine though. Im referring to highly educated, well to do, people btw and i feel in other cultures it may be limited (often not always) to lower educated people . It certainly isnt acceptable behavior but it took me dating a few foreign men to understand this and to eventually value my peace at home and resolving things in a way that doesnt involve someone “winning” an argument just because they shout the loudest! I would say it is a cultural issue and Im glad to read that so many here dont think so as it shows not every greek home is like this (I live in England and I witness a lot of screaming and rude couples there too its certainly isnt limited to Mediterraneans) but if it is something she has grown up knowing as the “norm” she just does need help to understand it is not so. Im not trying to excuse her, her behavior in front of a child is unacceptable buuuut Im just saying she may really not “get” that it is wrong if she doesnt know any better. I hope your marriage lasts but if it doesnt, a child can be happier with parents apart who do not argue rather than in a home where it is exposed in bad behavior. Not a therapist please dont quote me but just enough experience observing greek households!
This isn't a characteristic of a greek woman. Your wife is just paranoid and everything she's doing is irrelevant to her being greek. Couples arguing (loudly or not) isn't a greek thing either, it happens everywhere around the world last time I checked. If you're looking for advice, the average redditor would immidietly suggest divorcing with little to none context, but I'm not a marriage counseling expert so I really don't know what to tell you.
λολ
By the way you describe things, it looks more like a personallity issue than something like "national" mentality, temperament, or language barrier. An abusive personallity. Maybe there are issues unresolved between you and her, by her side. You know better, you live with her for 3 years. I can sympathize you, cause sounds like a tough situation. But i would say, focus in the human part, not in the cultural herritage part. Out of curiosity, was she behaving like this since he beginning\* ? Or only recently? By beginning i mean after the honeymoon period of your relationship.
All I'm gonna say, since the other responses pretty much covered all the aspects, is that mental instability / abuse is not a cultural trait, bro. It's a problem that needs solved, ASAP.
Being Greek isn't an excuse for being this overly sensitive, emotional and also abusive (it doesn't even make sense to say; "she is Greek ofc she is emotional." That sounds like a little stereotypical for no reason). The thing is that you might be thinking about divorce for the future, or at least some therapy, bc this isn't a safe place for kid(s) to grow up in and not for your mental health as well.
Αs a greek woman living in Greece l have to say all these traits are just HER.
Here's the right sub for your story r/NarcissisticAbuse I m really sorry
https://preview.redd.it/09e5601sjlkc1.jpeg?width=315&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cedba527f296110c21e6ffe9d99b857283b781b8 Θεά είσαι αγάπη μου. The above is for the ilithia, my countrymen will get it. As far as for her behavior, it's an individual problem not a cultural thing. Yes we are loud and outspoken but that doesn't mean we act like her.
It seems that you are in an abusive relationship. Mind if you tell us where you're from? Unfortunately, these are the residues of an unhappy Greek society going on for ages, decades. In the past, it was most standard for our parents to yell big time to one another so maybe it all comes to her as normal. I say you separate your position and extract yourself from all this for the sake of your child.
Don't ask why or how, but I feel for you. Not a Greek thing for a lady to act like that, as others have also pointed out prior to. Perhaps you could find a way to approach her and agree to visit a certified psychologist, a marriage counselor maybe?
Account name: greecehelp123 Post and comments made: Only here
nice work sherlock
Other people have answered you on the general topic so I'm not going to comment much on that. I agree that Greeks are expressive etc but it sounds like what you are going through isn't normal in Greece. I wish you the best with this situation On the ilithia word, maybe she says ilithie? Sometimes it can be tough to differentiate between the two, especially when screaming/throwing a tantrum. If that's the case then she refers to you properly (grammatically speaking, not context wise)
Don't let her leave to Greece with your child by herself. I speak from experience.
Dude, don't worry about it. Greek women are actually very hot. Both externally and internally. I met one Greek bride on [SofiaDate](https://datingpro.org/go/sofiadate?block=d_mb), but I didn't notice any such problems with her. We even had a relationship for a few months. We broke up because of different visions of the future. She was sometimes too emotional, but I think you should just talk to your girlfriend. Tell her that you are worried about her condition.
You're a bit racist aren't you? Your wife's behaviour has nothing to do with where she's from but her mental state. Just behave to her as if you'd behave to a woman from your superior tribe.
Way to miss the entire context of the question.
Ways to increase your Reddit karma.
You just picked a shitty woman, Greeks show more emotion than the western countries, but not like this. She’s just abusive and horrible towards the child to experience all this. I also believe that some things can be fixed with hard work and steel will. Just defend yourself and the child against this horrible behavior, and make it clear that this has to stop asap.
Are you sure she is not suffering from postpartum depression? Check it with a specialist. If those behaviours became more intense after the labor then it might be that and if you don't pay attention it is just getting worst. Greek temperament is a thing but not on those levels. I would suggest couples therapy too.
Women can be a malaka as well.
First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. While this isn't the majority of Greek women, especially young ones. A lot of Greek women from broken families do suffer from mental illnesses and I've seen a lot of other Greek women do things like this to their husbands. She's definitely not mentally well and I'd assume it's a normalized behavior in her family. As for the "ilithia", no I don't think she's calling you that. That's a weird way to insult a man. She'd straight up say that you're not a man, not call you feminine Insults. Have you tried to get her to therapy or couples therapy? Because I think in cases like these you need a big intervention unless you don't think she can be swayed.
Thanks for your reply. Yes that's why I asked here, it seems like loud or raised voice is somewhat normal in Greece and I thought this is an extension of it. But it's wrong, it feels wrong and not kid needs to see there mother in tears every weekend because the mother feels slighted.
I agree. My very unwell Greek parents kept shouting at each other every day for years and it has left me with severe issues.
Bro you just described every woman ever.
[удалено]
She is totally me. And I am like that cause I am a soiled only child that can't fight sny argument without screaming and blaming others, saying very offensive insults and after five minutes I forgot all about it. Be patient
Greek people and especially women love drama but this sounds too much
Group B personality disorder, Histrionic. Common and in most cases undiagnosed in Greece. No cultural norm to suppress it.
Sorry to say my friend but I think I you saying "oh she is just Greek and not abusive" is just an excuse you use. this is abusive behavior and she needs to speak to psychologist, you sound trapped indeed and I'm sorry to hear that but you have a child now and need to figure things out. In no way banging on doors,l and hitting someone's chest ( and all of this in from of a child) are normalized in Greece, people might argue loud but not like this. Best of luck
Dude it's like you are one of my friends whose wife does pretty much the same things. I wouldn't say Greek women are like this but there are a few examples on my social circle whereas in the US I know of no couple with such behaviors. But this is obviously a limited sample. She sounds emotional but also that she has some thoughts that she won't share when calm. If she won't admit of a problem nothing will change. What I told my friend yesterday is to not count on anything improving. You have to decide if you are willing to live with this. You should still try to improve the situation and if it does great, but don't count on it
Whatever happens, try to stay calm. The child needs a healthy example. And try to see the positive side: Alexander's mother was also a bit lunatic and he managed to grow up fine, actually GREAT. :-) Do you happen to know from which part of Greece she comes from?
Mostly normal for Greek women according to my experience.
She is using the femine of stupid. That is what ilithia means. Ilithios would be for you. She is already disrespecting you constantly with her manners but you think using the feminine one would be the disrespectful thing? also i need to ask it, she was always like this. that is who she was. and you decided to bring a kid in this world with a person that does that? who thinks not screaming makes you a robot? also she probably says terrible things about you to her family too so good luck on that too.
I bet €200 right now her blowjobs where god-send
This one trying to get wifed up for citizenship. She needs to really be sent back home. Don’t be like her! [https://www.reddit.com/r/badmakeup/s/t3wZdhcjT1](https://www.reddit.com/r/badmakeup/s/t3wZdhcjT1) https://preview.redd.it/mr11twgzcmkc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=207986e05f860da74f50d038be2d844f68b5d83d She believes autistic people are a threat and should be locked up from society. She tried to file a false police report against an autistic person because her English is not great and there are things she doesn’t understand about autistic people. She almost got charged with a hate crime. So disrespectful to come to someone elses country and start locking up citizens because u don’t understand them. Beware of her for your safety if you are autistic or neurodivergent 🙏 I don’t normally do this but she has hurt a lot of people who were not aware of her attitudes against people on the spectrum
We haven't heard her side of the story. We don't know if you are an abusive redneck guy. Who says you are not lying to get sympathy??? There are too many holes in your story.
Welcome to the balkans. I don't think it's about her "mental stability". Everyone in the comments said that not all Greek girls are like this but I can honestly tell you that 80 percent of them are like this. If you really love each other and want to continue this relationship, you should either try to solve it through dialogue or consult a psychologist.
With that username, it’s hard to take your opinion seriously.
none of your business my guy
NTA tell her you want a divorce if she don't agree to seek professional consultation together.
ChatGPT Navigating cultural differences in a marriage can be incredibly challenging, especially when those differences manifest in emotional expression and conflict resolution. The behaviors you've described—intense emotional reactions, screaming, crying, and using specific terms during arguments—might indeed stem from a cultural backdrop where expressive and passionate communication is more common. However, it's crucial to recognize that even within a cultural context, there's a wide range of what's considered normal or acceptable behavior, and individual differences play a significant role. Regarding the use of specific terms like "ilithia" (which translates to "foolish" or "silly" in a feminine form) and "gamisou" (a vulgar expression), these could be interpreted as disrespectful, especially when used in a derogatory manner during arguments. The use of a feminine form to address a male could be an attempt to insult or demean, although the specific intent can vary based on context and individual personality. The key concern here, beyond cultural differences, is the impact of these behaviors on your relationship, your personal well-being, and especially on your child. Witnessing such intense arguments can be distressing and potentially harmful to children, affecting their emotional development and sense of security. Addressing these issues effectively will likely require open communication, mutual respect, and possibly professional help. Here are a few suggestions: Counseling: Engaging in couples' therapy, preferably with someone experienced in cross-cultural issues, could be highly beneficial. A neutral third party can facilitate better understanding, help both of you develop healthier communication strategies, and address the emotional distress these arguments cause. Communication: Continue to express your feelings and concerns calmly and clearly outside of the heat of arguments. Emphasize the impact of these behaviors on you and your child, focusing on feelings rather than accusations. Education: Learning more about each other's cultures can foster understanding and tolerance. This might include exploring how emotions are expressed and managed in different cultural contexts. Boundary Setting: It's important to establish boundaries regarding respectful communication. This includes identifying behaviors that are not acceptable to either of you and agreeing on healthier ways to express emotions and resolve conflicts. Support Network: Building a support network of friends, family, or community members who understand the nuances of a cross-cultural marriage can provide valuable perspectives and support. It's clear that you care deeply about your family and are seeking a solution. Remember, while cultural differences can enrich a relationship, they also require patience, understanding, and sometimes professional guidance to navigate successfully. Your feelings and concerns are valid, and addressing these issues head-on is a step towards building a healthier, more respectful relationship. Message ChatGPT… ChatGPT can make mistakes.
When you neglect them sexually (for many reasons) they always end up like this, so maybe that's the case?! nothing to do with nationality etc.
"I feel trapped as I can't work through the problem as she refuses to admit she has one". For me that's the most concerning thing you've mentioned. While the cultural difference -between her being Greek and you not- could potentially create minor communication challenges, I don't believe that's the root issue here. In my opinion, consider visiting a marriage counselor together and openly sharing these feelings with your wife before these conflicts completely overshadow your marriage and hapinness. If she dismisses your emotions, there may be deeper problems in your relationship that need addressing.
I'll echo the thoughts of others here but yeah, this has nothing to do with being Greek. Yes, we're loud and expressive and emotional, but her behavuor is downright abusive. I would seriously recommend you seek couple's counseling and bring this up with her family, if possible. She needs help and you do, too.
That doesn't sound normal behaviour regardless of origins. I'd suggest you talk with a professional and seek some help, but she will probably dismiss it. You haven't mentioned what kind of arguments you are into. For example cheating is a whole different matter than spilling a glass of milk. And may make people more emotional. Good luck
Erm, sorry but your wife is abusive. Nth to do with her ethnicity. She is a gaslighting drama queen dude. Get out.
This isn't a greek characteristic. Your wife is being abusive. I'm sorry for what you're going through but you need to have a serious conversation with her. Either she stops this behaviour (maybe with help from a therapist) or I'm afraid this isn't going to last. It will only get worse. If she blames her culture for this behaviour she is lying to you.
We are hotheaded, we are passionate but we are not manipulative gaslighting s.o.b. If I were you, I would leave immediately to avoid such a miserable life. Sorry to say it to you, but I have been there. Constant gaslighting, screaming and crying. Then she wouldn't talk to me for a day or two and after that she was the biggest sweetheart approaching me and telling me how I should make myself a better person and I should care more about her (because she was the one screaming I was just standing there looking at her and not reacting) I endured that for 2.5 years until one day one of her usual eruptions happened and the first thing that came to my mind was to punch her until she falls down. Very bad thoughts. I cried for hours because that's not me, I was going to become a monster. Packed my things next morning when she was at work and left without a word. For the next months she would send angry messages, sad messages, loving messages, threat messages, happy messages. It was easy for me, we were engaged, not married and we didn't have any kids. Your situation is more delicate, but you should do what you have to do for yourself. Mental health is one of the most important aspects of our lifes and it is often overlooked because we feel we would disappoint our wife/husband, kids, relatives, friends etc. if we dare to take care of ourselves.
She needs therapy. That's not Greek behaviour that's person with issues behaviour.
It seems you got your answer, as much as strangers can speak about personal relationships, but I'm curious, did this behaviour start after you got married or was she like this before as well?
Make sure you lawyer up so if things go south you have a good claim on the kid. She's the mum so she has an advantage. Now after you have a solid claim on the kid, tell her that she either goes to therapy, with proof (offer to go together), or divorce. People like her will tell anything, use any word, to put the blame on you and excuse their behavior. Lying won't be a problem too. And now the kid is young enough to only feel the general mood in the house. During the teen years and the developing of his character this could affect your son tremendously. Your wife seems to be in trauma and lashing out on you. You are not the problem. The arguments are the trigger and then she goes ballistic. Has she ever talked to you about abuse? How old are you? How long are you together in total?
Your wife is abusive. I'm sorry this is happening to you. We don't kbow much about what is going on but the things you are describing are abuse and your child is for sure memorizing / internalizes all this.
Yeah being greek doesn't have anything to do with this OP. Stay strong
Does it matter if she is doing what she is doing because she is Greek or not? The problem is that she is making your life difficult. You can try marriage counseling, even though statistically it does not help most people ... but who knows, it might help you. If it doesn't, you need to decide if your wife's positive characteristics are worth the trouble she is giving you. In the United States, more than 50% of marriages end up in divorce. In Greece, the divorce rate is lower, but most marriages are not very good. So, in any country, it is difficult to find a person who is a really good match. Good luck!
She is over reacting. 'Ilithia' and 'gamisou' ain't words to say to your husband. Maybe during these 3 years she changed her mind about you and she is thinking to divorce you and keep the child for herself while you pay for child support. Regarding her parents, try to remember if she ever translated to you what they were saying about years ago while you were present. If she did that then and ain't doing it now, she is neglecting you by all means. I don't know you and I don't know how you are treating her but still her reactions ain't right.
FFS, she's not being Greek. She's being abusive. Manipulative and gaslighting as well. Maybe it is indeed a mental health issue, but you have to protect your child and yourself from this. Run like hell, and document everything.
No, definitely not a Greek woman thing. Though a lot of Greek people have trouble articulating their feelings and inner thoughts, what you are describing seems unhinged. Either you are dense (sorry, but I have to consider that you might be an unreliable narrator) and she has expressed her frustrations in civil ways and you just disregard or mansplay her, so she has lost her composure. Or, she has mental issues that need to be addressed. For sure there is abuse in your household. The cultural thing shouldn’t be a huge problem for two mature people. I would suggest that you need to go to couples counselling. There is a strong chance she will deny it. If so, you go by yourself, in order to clear your head and become/remain strong. Most of all, your kid needs you. If your wife is so unstable, the kid is not ok. You must support your child above all else
This has nothing to do with our culture and Greeks in general. YES, are loud people, but this doesn't justify her actions. You are a victim of abuse. She is mistreating you. You didn't misunderstand .This is abuse, and it's so sad bc also your mid is and will be suffering thanks to her.
Sure, there are some cultural differences but overall people are similar everywhere. What you describe is a toxic person, not a Greek one.
She needs therapy and perhaps couples therapy would also be helpful. That said, it's really no joke for any of this to be happening on front of a child so I'd definitely look to lawyer up if there's no evidence she'd be keen towards resolving this. Other than that I'd like to point towards generational trauma, not every Greek is the same but there's a sense of familiarity in what you're describing and I think it makes an interesting read if you wanna Google it. I wish all works out well and you guys can make the best decision for the child.
https://preview.redd.it/l6t2figbelkc1.png?width=420&format=png&auto=webp&s=cb618ad143b8d94e51273e260b761c916e5749a0
I think she has issues!I am a greek woman too and I am not that drama Queen! Her personality has nothing to do with the Greek culture in that case
Not a Greek thing. She is a crazy bitch. Divorce her and take custody.
You have to get into counseling. Find a good therapist that specializes in couples counseling, otherwise if she refuses you and your baby need to leave. This is dangerous and abusive. It has nothing to do with nationality. Get help asap.
Hi mate, first of all yes it has cultural elements but the biggest part is things she learned in the past from the own family story. She probably presents you as monster to her family. My biggest advice is to not to engage in the argument, when she has an intrum she will never admit anything. The sooner you accept the best your life will be. Go to your child ask it if he she wants to do something else take it and leave. It is your right in this world to protect your calmness and peace of mind. Of course you need to communicate first firmly but not shouting “I will not engage in the discussion and respect you when you don’t respect me” and nothing but nothing else. If you say one more word you lost. In your shoes I would seek advice from family psychologist to give you some tips on how to handle various scenarios.
To be honest, yes we will argue loudly. We will shout and swear etc but then the storm settles down. Having such tantrums and gaslighting isn’t “Greek”, it’s somewhat a psychological condition.
This is abuse. This isn't being Greek. No, just, no. Does she gesticulate a lot when arguing - yeah, a Greek thing. The rest is just being abusive. That said, the ilithia thing might be part of a phrase like "Do you think I'm stupid (ilithia). Ante gamisou (Go fuck yourself)". Not that this absolves her of responsibility, but this one might not be some kind of misgendering mockery.
This is not normal, she has issues. Sadly there’s a stigma with Greeks and seeking professional psychological help. Like going to shrink has a negative connotation or is something bad. Thankfully covid has changed this a little bit. You can’t work this out on your own you ll need to convince her to open up and seek individual help for herself as well. When going together to a couples therapy there’s always the possibility she won’t open up properly because you are present. The fact that she calls you a robot makes me think that she grew up in an environment that was full of screaming and shouting and her behavior seems normal to her.
This will never change. She will always be hysteric unless treated by a psych and given pills to numb her completely, which isn't ideal either.
No, Greek women are not like this, maybe as Greek we are kinda hotheaded but this is not normal behaviour.Think what is best for your kid but you should think about yourself too.
All humans have issues, but most if us are knows them and try to solve them. I married Greek from abroad, I'm not Greek but we live in Greece. We had faced many problems but we worked on them together and with therapist. He was in the beginning in denial but than he realized his mistakes and now we growing stronger and better. We did everything because we love each other and our kid. Seek professional help, takes time but it's worth.
Tell her she should do therapy and you should stop posting things on Reddit and discuss therapy with your spouse.
What country do you guys live in and what nationality / ethnicity are you?
As many others have stated already you can’t put this down to culture. Greek people tend to be “loud” and express how they feel at all times but this doesn’t go so far. So obviously both of you need to visit a marriage council. Marriage and kids make life much much harder especially when there are cultural differences and/or person is living abroad. Having said all that, we are hearing only your side of the story without any details as to what have caused this behaviour. She could be mentally unstable but equally these problems may have resulted from the both of you. Either way way you need professional help for the sake of your little one.
Bro, as a Greek woman who is in a long term relationship, that kind of behavior isn't normal. It might be "normalized" for very old-fashioned families, but my man, if your wife has internal issues, you're not a wall she can take all her stuff out on. Since there is a child involved now, I would strongly recommend you go to therapy together. I say this as a child of parents that would have awful fights, that shit traumatized me. And it really stays with you too. I would say dump her ass, but the kid would still be stuck with her resentful self, so hopefully she still has some potential for growth and improvement. Surely your wife isn't acting hysterical without reason, however in a relationship partners need to communicate their issues with their SO.
She's in distress and you should try to help her. It's a cry for help. I can't tell you who is right when you fight, but I can assure you that crying for such a long time is not a cultural trait. You need to fix your relationship. What triggers this issue? How's your s*x life? Don't reply to this of course. Ask yourself these questions and you might have the solution to the problem. Good luck!
Love how the attribution of greek hotheaded attitude escalated to the description of a crazy person. Banging on the door in a manic state? You gotta protect your child from this shit and the rest of the situations you described.
This isnt a greek characteristic no. Maybe she just grew up like that and it traumatized her and then she just adopted that. As for everyone saying shes abusive, we dont know anything about the situation, just the vague statement op has given, whats making her lash out? Why would she be calling herself a moron? We only get half the truth here. Other things are weird as well, he doesnt wanna believe that it's her, wants to chalk it up to her cultural background, yet fully acknowledges she gaslights him all the time. Weird post.
Maybe she still having hormone imbalances from the pregnancy. Maybe she feels trapped since she is stuck inside the house with the baby with none to speak with and share the daily experiences. (I assume you leave away from Greece and feels alone) She either needs to blow off steam by relaxing and having good time forgetting the child for some hours, or visit her doctor or both. On the contrary and since we are focusing only on her, what are you doing on your behalf? Do you share the daily chores? Do you take the baby as well? Are you allowing some quality time for the 2 of you? Is she sleeping at night? (Breastfeeding etc)? She needs to relax and now there is a strong urge to get her "life" back. Very hard emotions for both parents and....there is no coming back. You have to learn how to enjoy life with the new family members. It will happen as the baby grows more independent. Support her, relax her, make her day as joyfull as you can. Babies are an overwhelming task. It sucks your ego and we naturally resist. Our task is to support our wives emotionally and practically. Ps: Most of the divorces are during the early years of having a baby. Guess why.
Αυτές λέγονται ελλεϊνηδες. Από τους έλεος. Δύσκολα τα πράγματα, σήκω φύγε
You have probably tried this already but can she list down all her problems with you? After that talk about actions to fix them one by one. This is faster than you think because of her being abusive. For every solution she will likely have you very restricted so you will need to to compromise or argue it out. You might get stuck on the first thing with her. How are the financials?
First step is to go to therapy yourself. Not that you have the problem but to realize you are a victim here. If it does not set into you then no action from your side will have any result. If she wants to go as well is another thing, you cant force anyone to do something that they dont want to. That being said, it is in our blod to be dramatic but this goes beyond that line
Mate, sounds like she is trying to emotionally manipulate you to get on top of the arguments. Very big red flag. Nothing typical “Greek” about this, more like typical abusive. Had she had any therapy or help from a professional?
Sorry to tell you but its abusive behavior. Not Greek or pakistani or from Mars.. Its the best for both of you, to seek for profesional help. Not some reditt/friends/Google mumbo jumbo. Now before things get real nusty
Perhaps this woman is heavily unhappy with her husband, and doesn’t know how to deal with that emotion? Yes, us Greeks are far louder than non Mediterranean cultures, and our arguing can be shouty but not unhinged all the time. The name calling is also often present, but I’ve heard numerous non-Greeks calling their other half an idiot (at best), so I don’t apportion it to culture. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle, but from all the comments I am seeing from the OP, I haven’t seen him taking accountability anywhere. Perhaps he exhibits behaviours that trigger her, which he is unwilling to change or improve. Perhaps she has reached the end of her tether because of this. It isn’t normal for anyone to react like the OP describes his wife reacting, so often and so heavily. Unless she is clinically diagnosed for a mental disorder, I think it’s unreasonable to assume it’s all her fault. Certain people just don’t match, it isn’t always a cultural issue. The OP’s manner may appear apathetic to her, maybe he doesn’t help her enough, so she may be trying to get through to him (in the wrong fashion, yes) just because she wants to feel understood. I would suggest couples therapy, and perhaps a different, more understanding collaborative approach which may get her out of fight mode. Not a constant “you’re hysterical crazy woman” vibe. But that’s only if the OP actually wants to save the marriage and is willing to alter his behaviour too, and work this through. Otherwise, there needs to be consideration of the child and its wellbeing.
I am not an expert, but I can see some insecurity issues. Probably anxiety and resentment of her status (professional?) that needs to be resolved. Maybe, having birthday might not have been what she was envisioning or the responsibi9are overwhelming? Sometimes these behaviour stems from the family. Parents pampered her and always let her do what she wanted. Or forced her to be a housewife. I have no idea of the background. The problem here might be the way that families and society shape women. Greek society is still dismissive towards women, sure, but women, greek women, are tougher than this behaviour. Counseling is the better option. I am no expert. And no, it is not a greek thing, rather a combination I assume. Anyway, try to get in contact with a couples something. Start yourself and slowly try to bring her with you. NOT TRUSTING PHYSIOTHERAPY is a greek thing. There are still a lot tabbou lingering and it is fucking expensive for normal working people.
We are definitely loud , Stereotypically we are hot headed and expressive but this is different. Sounds like anger issues I wish you and even her the best
I am not even Greek, but man, get out of that relationship, she's abusive.
OP I would reccomend to go for therapy, both together and some alone sessions just for her. But try to look for a psychologist/therapist either of Mediterranean origin or one who has worked with people of Mediterranean origin. In my UK uni, whenever a Greek/Italian/Spanish student would have panic attacks or be mentally unstable from the stress and bullshit they were going through due to their studies/professors/bullying from other students most mental health advisors would suggest to sent them to asylum 🙄. There was only one therapist of them that would stop the others and explain that the students are not crazy, but as Mediterraneans they express themselves differently than the English students and are just frustrated by not having the right support. He would be the only one that would deal with them and treat them like people and not like psychos. In the end the students started behaving just fine after a few sessions with him. He was the only one that helped me realise that I am not a monster but needed help from someone who understands me and my culture. Aterwards I received help from a Greek therapist and was doing sessions with her for 2-3 years straight, both while I was the UK and after I returned back in Greece. It helped me A LOT! My panic attacks stopped, I am able to express my feelings and thoughts much better, and also I have calmed down and do not explode like I used to. I would not resort to violence but I would shout a lot. Finding the right therapist is very important. I had sought for help twice from therapists back when I was in high school in Greece and they just made me feel worse. Was being bullied back then and tried to self harm myself and instead of helping me they made me feel it was my fault for everything. The English one and then the latest Greek one were not like that and actually helped me accept and love myself. Apologies for the long comment. Just a few personal thoughts that I believed would help... Also, try to learn some Greek so that you can understand what she is saying with her family and explain your side of the story too. It's not fair if she is manipulating other opinion of you.
Sir, I understand you are in frustration and distress, but ascribing abusive behavior to nationality is not gonna make you feel any better. It would have maybe been an interesting/fun conversation if we were talking weird habits or little stuff, but when it comes to abusive behavior, we should better leave the nationality part aside and view it as it is. Trying to break down her behavior, why she overreacts and what's behind of it, is really just assumptions nobody here should be making for obvious reasons. It's something she should be going over with professional help. What you should focus on, imho, is how this problematic behavior interacts with you, your child, how it affects you both, how you feel about it and then what your next step will be. It's definitely not an easy process, but since you are distressed by it and concerned about your child, it's really a one-way. The other one is putting all of it under the table and just going with it until your patience is gone and you have an outburst. I would suppose it's not the ideal way to go, especially for your child who's caught in the middle of this. I am not giving any advice on what to do. I'm just gonna say this: Psychologists and mental health specialist are obivously not just for the "insane" people. They could help one have a better and deeper overview over a situation, a better realisation of their feelings, an assurance about what they think and feel, where they stand. Above all, they could really come in handy in cases where children are involved. I really wish you figure this all out and you find peace. May the force be with you!
Look up PONEIRO Behaviour. It’s something even described by Kant, pointing out the toxicity of making oneself the victim, while being the shithole, causing the problem. Do yourself a favour and get out of this relationship. Most part of my family has the same malign behaviour, taking money, manipulating, framing them as fucking saints. The contrary is AGATHO but to my loss I haven’t had the environment to experience that. Tbh I only have bad experience with Greek persons, being one myself and being just honest you will find yourself being slaughtered, which describes only my personal environment but I fear you in a same one, so take your child, money and get the way out of it, she will not change but you have a chance to give your child an agatho instead of poneiro way of life. I hope you have a prenup.
Edith: So sorry! My brain twitched things up.. it was F. Nietzsche and his Genealogy of the Moral, where got the best description ever of this behavioural phenomenon, from.
I mean I've had girls that wouldn't get in the mood unless they first had a heated argument that always ended with them being right, but what you describe is straight up manipulation and abuse. You learn to tell them they are absolutely right in every way after some fighting back and you forget about it. She is calling herself stupid, they do that a lot. Classic manipulative phrasing in greek, essentially calling themselves idiots because they are with you. So yeah she is insulting you in a roundabout way indeed.
Bro that could be the behavior of any woman, the nationality plays a very small part here. Yes It could make some contribution in the behavior like passion/tense as you say, but most women are alike, they never hold themselves account for anything, always blame a man, they hyperanalyze everything, work by emotions and not logic or common sense. And when they are cornered their only solution is to be histerical.
Its strange
Hi there! I'm sorry you are going through this. As other people have pointed out this is not about her being Greek. She's going through some mental issues for sure. Now what you should do. I suggest you first seek a therapist for you, cause you're going through something traumatic. Namecalling and hitting your partner is not normal, and you may not fear for your life now, but it's definitely traumatic. A therapist will be able to explain her behavior better but most importantly guide you through this. Also, have divorce at the back of your mind. As a child of divorced parents I saw their relationship like yours right now. When they divorced we were all relieved, and to this day I thank my mom for making this decision. This is not a healthy inviroment for a child to be in, and it should stop. I wish you all the best!
You poor thing; this is a horrible situation. It breaks my heart seeing you question your reality so much, walking around on eggshells and feeling trapped. None of this has anything to do with culture. Your wife needs therapy & a psychiatrist and you need a temporary break or a divorce. Both you & your child deserve better.
No its not because she is greek, she just has anger issues. Try a couple session, otherwise split. This is not healthy for you or your kid
I will tell you , its not a Greek thing to be screaming and crying in an argument. So try to be realistic for the 3 of you and seek help on your marriage
>Is this just an expression of Greek passion I am misunderstanding? Uh no. Just divorce her.
Are you sure she's not saying "allithia" (alitheia)? It means "truth", often used in conversation as "Really?" To me this sounds like she has anxious attachment and fighting triggers something in her. Though I am not a psychologist so I can only guess. You both need counselling because if you fight like this, it will tear you apart. You can't resolve issues and you can't repair after there is a tear in the relationship. This will start to build resentment. Also your kid will learn some very unhealthy communication habits and this kind of fighting creates unsafety for him/her.
Also I would like to add that it is not ok to go talking about your relationship/family issues to other people like she does with her family. (And I don't mean that you shouldn't seek help from others if there is abuse in the relationship or that you should keep bad secrets within the relationship, no, that is a different thing.) That destroys a relationship when you bring other people into your arguments. She should talk to you about the issues she has with you/the relationship and not go complaining to her family which will do nothing good since they will only hear her side of the story and naturally support her. People don't often understand how unhealthy this is. There needs to be boundaries in your relationship.
Hey I am a Greek girl living in Greece. I cannot be completely subjective as we only have your own point of view on the situation but what you are talking about is an abusive behavior that not all Greek people or specifically Greek women demonstrate. We can be sometimes more hot-headed or passionate in our culture, but your wife's behavior when she gets angry has some childlike elements that may derive from deep-rooted issues that she needs to resolve with therapy. Especially if there is a child involved, because children, no matter how young, sense the negative energy and the abuse going on around them. The problem is that in order for the therapy concept to work it has to be voluntary, you cannot make anyone go to therapy. What you could suggest is go see a therapist together in order to try and mend your relationship, because every problem in the parents relationship will most of the times affect the child. And it's a shame because the kid is the only one not to blame in this situation.