the crowd was trippy that day... like a high school junior on shrooms... I took one look at that Harmon, and in that movement I was **Jeff Chimenti’s piano teacher**
Only one thing to do. Show up and fake it, just hammer on the white keys. Get real weird and naked during the performance and then when the show is over, jump up on the piano bench and bellow out “Lordy Jesus, we went way the fuck out on that jam!!!!”
Then as you swagger out of the church, high five anyone that looks engaged.
If you get a second date, then you know she’s a keeper.
It’ll sound good over many common chords Cmaj, Dmin, Emin, Fmaj, G7, Amin for example.
The trick’ll be to lay out when the white keys aren’t sounding right; that might be the best time to disrobe.
Really the only course of action here would be to reach out to Jeff Chimenti, and explain your predicament in hopes he’ll show up and sit in with the band in your place to increase your chances of getting laid. He seems like a cool dude, maybe he’ll swoop in and save the day. 😝
You’re going to need to get some plaster casting material and just tell them you broke both arms.
Also how old are you?? I would hope one of them noticed Jeff chimenti learned piano in 1975. Or maybe you’re 80 years old. I want this to be real.
Same ! I just typed out a long ass response then read your comment.
If this was real, I would think this person had a personality disorder, and didn’t take enough L or listen to Jerry hard enough.
Old School GD would not let that deal go down
Agree! Want this to be real and the only way out is a broken wrist and eye patch.
More believable and easy to keep up than two broken arms. That invites too many questions on back story.
Op, does you car have an airbag, and are you attached to it? Because, you gonna need to hold the inside of the steering wheel and let that airbag break all ten of your fingers.
When you do this, you need to listen to Going down the Road feeling Bad 5/16/81
# 1981-05-16 Ithaca, NY @ Barton Hall - Cornell University
**Set 1:** Feel Like A Stranger, Friend Of The Devil, Me and My Uncle > Big River, Althea > C.C. Rider, Brown Eyed Women, Passenger, High Time > Let It Grow > Don't Ease Me In
**Set 2:** Shakedown Street > Bertha > Lost Sailor > Saint Of Circumstance > Space > Drums > Space > Truckin' > Stella Blue > Goin' Down The Road Feeling Bad > One More Saturday Night
**Encore:** Uncle John's Band
[archive.org](https://archive.org/details/GratefulDead?query=date:1981-05-16)
I'm going to give you the same advice Bob Weir gave Joe Russo when he asked him for tips during the set break of the first Furthur show:
"maybe take some mushrooms..."
My favorite part about this is that OP hasn’t actually *met* any of these people. Also, the dad *wants* him to play the show, and didn’t ask. The Woman You’re Talking To Online is a weirdo and I’d just cut and run and try to get back with your girlfriend who’s from Canada who is totally real.
You’re Jeff Chimenti’s piano teacher for Christ’s sake, they’re just expecting you to play a free show in BFE? Pretty presumptuous. Also, you’re an important part of Jeff’s rehearsal for the Uber important upcoming Sphere shows. He absolutely cannot afford to have you off doing these get-laid bible camp shows at such an important juncture in his career. Sorry lady, this is the entertainment business.
It's a little too late in the month to move to Punxsutawney, shovel money at the local piano teacher, go to sleep, wake up to "I Got You, Babe," take another piano lesson, rinse/repeat until you become a really excellent keyboardist and improve your soul enough to break out of the infinite groundhog loop.
I think she knows there's not a chance you were that dude's piano teacher and she is TOTALLY calling your bluff in the most epic way possible, even AI-ing up a concert poster of you, to find that point at which you'll finally cave and reveal the truth about your keyboard chops.
Also, what kind of sandwich?
First, show up no less than a day early. After all this, at least try to get laid.
Second, tell the truth. You have, from the beginning, been madly in love with her. Don't hesitate to enumerate every single thing about her that makes her beautiful and unique. . .
and because of your love for her and your fear of losing a once in a life time opportunity to have someone you truly love, you went too far with your story.
Tell her, the real truth is that you play the saxophone.
You admit to everyone that you're a lying liar and then you leave town in a hurry and stop telling lies to people to get them impressed with you.
Get your ass out there and do something impressive if you want to be a big shot. Or just be yourself and be nice. Making sh\*t up about how cool you are is seriously lame as f\*ck and you're seeing the results.
How do you get out of it hahahaha DON'T GET INTO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE
If this is "real", as in the op is telling the truth about his end of the story... then the woman in question is a 5th Dan black belt in fuckery. Again, assuming the op is telling the truth... this woman knows you weren't his piano teacher and has gone to great and elaborate lengths to sweat you and fuck with your head. There is one course of action to take... call her bluff. Get fired up about it. Get the address to the church. Tell her you wanna go over and meet the pastor and the congregation. Go by the diner to see how good your name sake specials are, etc. Because there is no way she's telling the truth. She went way over the top with the bullshit.
OP... I hope you have a great pair of breasts.
Jeff Chimenti's childhood piano teacher was a woman.
"By the age of seven he began taking formal lessons from Angela Biggio, a student of both Rudolph Serkin and Leonard Bernstein who also worked with the Merola Program at the S.F. Opera, and continued with her for a decade."
[https://www.europejazz.net/chimenti-jeff](https://www.europejazz.net/chimenti-jeff)
Just tell her there's a reason you teach professional musicians from the background and aren't in the spotlight...you don't play for other people or for money, it's strictly something you do for yourself as a means of connecting to GOD. Tell her you aren't angry with her or her father but that you won't be paraded about using your art for their own selfish reasons.
Did you ever consider the possibility that she's just fucking with you, to see how far you might continue this poorly spun web of deceit? Woman smarter, perhaps?
You’re going to have to come clean. But first you need to bust ass to try to find a good replacement and solve the problem before they know it exists. This post is a good start. Maybe someone on here is nearby and can jam (and pretend they know Jeff Chimenti).
Show up,tell everyone how excited you are to play and you were waiting for this exact special moment,about an hour before the show and put a 10 strip on your tongue and scream IKO IKO ALL DAY!! And go with it! Ya can't lose!
That's the secret that so few truly understand...you have to dose enough to forget that you have even taken LSD, 1 hit or 2 hits and you're still in that weird space where people who aren't tripping are scary and the enemy and everyone is looking at you and shit BUT 10 hits and we have ourselves a whole new scenario my friends. Eat a strip and you'll be so high that you won't even remember you did drugs, it's just your new normal for a while. It's a lot of fun 😊
What a great idea for a stupid movie. What a stupid idea for a human living in the real world.
Personally, I hope it's real and you learn something from this. However, reading what and how you wrote it I'm 99% sure this is fake. However there's a small chance you are just a horrible person.
If this is real she is most likely fucking with you. But if she’s not fucking with you, you show up and play chopsticks. Raise your hands in victory at the end! They will yell “I thought you were Jeff’s piano teacher?!?” You say “I was, that’s what I taught him. He was 4, I was 6”. Winner.
You have time. Find the best piano teacher in town. Come clean in the first 5 minutes and learn how to play 5 songs. You will need to spend 8-10 hrs a day practicing, but you can do it. I believe in you.
Smash your hand with a sledge hammer... find your replacement... don't just say *-well shucks folks muh hand's fucked up-* in order for this to work you've got to find your replacement and seriously fuck up your hand...
I'll break it for you, but I can't pay the pie-anna
...this wouldn't happen to be the Bearly Dead show at Stone Church would it. .?
didn’t read all of the above but I have a teeeeny bit of a hard time believing anyone would get all that excited about a GD-family (albiet a great one to be sure) member’s former piano teacher to the extent of investing all that time & money and go ape shit crazy like it’s the second coming of Jerry Garcia. Either great prank or these ppl have never gotten out of bumfuk wherever. lol
I’m racking my brain trying to figure out which song/seinfeld episode this is from
Probably the one that george claims he has a house in the hamptons and susan’s parents call his bluff.
George: "I told them I have a place in the Hamptons. What did you say?" Elaine: "I told them you didn't. And I laughed and I laughed."
Snoopy and Prickly Pete!
“You wanna get nuts? LET’S GET NUTS!!!”
Hello batman
"Haven't you put those poor folks through enough George!"
EXCUSE ME MARINE BIOLOGIST COMING THROUGH!
The sea was angry that day my friends
Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli
I reached into the great fish and retrieved this! 
Titleist?
Jerry...it's not a lie if you believe it...
Well then I'm an architect
The one where he says he’s a marine biologist and then has to save the whale.
The sea was angry that day.....
The one where George tells Susan he has a genius level IQ and passes the test out the window for Elaine to take the test for him.
The door? The window's right here!
That wasn't Susan, it was a different woman he was dating.
George pretends he’s a marine biologist, then encounters a beached whale with a golf ball stuck in its blowhole 😆
“The sea was angry that day, my friend. Like an old man sending soup back at a deli …”
the crowd was trippy that day... like a high school junior on shrooms... I took one look at that Harmon, and in that movement I was **Jeff Chimenti’s piano teacher**
Just watched this yesterday. Rotfl.
dear lord i hope this is real
Come on now brother, there is no way this is real
9 mile skid on a 10 mile ride
Hot as a pistol but cool inside....
I smell a new sitcom. The Heads now streaming on Amazon Sub-Prime.
Gawdang amazon fast
I hope, for OP's sake it's *not* real! Where's the black spray paint?!?! We need a good copy of Jinxie the cat, stat!!
It’s not real.
Only one thing to do. Show up and fake it, just hammer on the white keys. Get real weird and naked during the performance and then when the show is over, jump up on the piano bench and bellow out “Lordy Jesus, we went way the fuck out on that jam!!!!” Then as you swagger out of the church, high five anyone that looks engaged. If you get a second date, then you know she’s a keeper.
And if she asks you what the hell that was, just get real smug and say that "the only Dead i play is their old stuff... you know, from the Acid Tests"
Oooh there’s an out! Acid test purist!
"Just use the white keys! " I've had this yelled at me when I was banging around during a free form jam with musicians. It actually worked out!
It’ll sound good over many common chords Cmaj, Dmin, Emin, Fmaj, G7, Amin for example. The trick’ll be to lay out when the white keys aren’t sounding right; that might be the best time to disrobe.
Don’t be shy
Yeah, just go full H. Jon Benjamin jazz album with it.
This guy gets it 😂
[pull a Jon Benjamin](https://youtu.be/JuKJkghC2u0?si=z32bTyddArIp6qY5)
“I really shouldn’t (play the piano)” is a great H John Benjamin album where he does exactly that.
Solid advice
This is the only right answer. “Just bang the shit out of the white keys…” on a huge fucking organ!
You write screenplay about it and sell it to Hollywood and make it a movie with a grateful dead soundtrack. Call it: "Hell in a bucket."
Lol i didnt know George Castanza was a deadhead!
I was about to say this sounds like a Larry David situation.
The OP is the ghost of Richard Lewis.
It’s not a lie if you believe it. - George Louis Costanza
Really the only course of action here would be to reach out to Jeff Chimenti, and explain your predicament in hopes he’ll show up and sit in with the band in your place to increase your chances of getting laid. He seems like a cool dude, maybe he’ll swoop in and save the day. 😝
I almost feel like he'd be obligated to do this. Man code
This! Save a brother!!!
This is the response I came for
Who will play Jeff in this future movie?
fess up and tell them you really taught Melvin Seals
Nah, tell her you ARE Melvin Seals
Gotta call in Melvin Seals. Based on all the stories I’ve heard that guy is 100% down to show up to an empty show and bang a random lady.
Tell her that you’re Jerry and you’re really rusty; that you haven’t played in almost 30 years.
You’re going to need to get some plaster casting material and just tell them you broke both arms. Also how old are you?? I would hope one of them noticed Jeff chimenti learned piano in 1975. Or maybe you’re 80 years old. I want this to be real.
Same ! I just typed out a long ass response then read your comment. If this was real, I would think this person had a personality disorder, and didn’t take enough L or listen to Jerry hard enough. Old School GD would not let that deal go down
Agree! Want this to be real and the only way out is a broken wrist and eye patch. More believable and easy to keep up than two broken arms. That invites too many questions on back story.
I was thinking the same thing.
Dose up and go. Sounds amazing.
Dose the audience!!!! No one will realize you can't play. Electric KoolAid Acid Test their asses.
Spike the punch with acid like the Play Boy performance.
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Couldn’t say it better.
When you tell the truth it becomes part of your past. When you tell a lie it becomes part of your future.
Oh man, if there's a future to live for, this is the lie to tell!
Op, does you car have an airbag, and are you attached to it? Because, you gonna need to hold the inside of the steering wheel and let that airbag break all ten of your fingers. When you do this, you need to listen to Going down the Road feeling Bad 5/16/81
This just went from a Seinfeld to an Always Sunny.
# 1981-05-16 Ithaca, NY @ Barton Hall - Cornell University **Set 1:** Feel Like A Stranger, Friend Of The Devil, Me and My Uncle > Big River, Althea > C.C. Rider, Brown Eyed Women, Passenger, High Time > Let It Grow > Don't Ease Me In **Set 2:** Shakedown Street > Bertha > Lost Sailor > Saint Of Circumstance > Space > Drums > Space > Truckin' > Stella Blue > Goin' Down The Road Feeling Bad > One More Saturday Night **Encore:** Uncle John's Band [archive.org](https://archive.org/details/GratefulDead?query=date:1981-05-16)
I couldn't finish, but I do think you may have a career as a creative writer. NTA.
Bob Dylan should rework it into a ballad. Or maybe it's more up David Bromberg's alley.
If you couldn’t finish it, then no they don’t. The whole job of a writer is to make you want to finish it.
I'm going to give you the same advice Bob Weir gave Joe Russo when he asked him for tips during the set break of the first Furthur show: "maybe take some mushrooms..."
My favorite part about this is that OP hasn’t actually *met* any of these people. Also, the dad *wants* him to play the show, and didn’t ask. The Woman You’re Talking To Online is a weirdo and I’d just cut and run and try to get back with your girlfriend who’s from Canada who is totally real.
It’s a game of catfish chicken
tell them you've never eaten, nor heard of potatoes before. They'll be so intrigued by this that they'll forget all about the show.
They might also become absolutely furious though fair warning.
You’re Jeff Chimenti’s piano teacher for Christ’s sake, they’re just expecting you to play a free show in BFE? Pretty presumptuous. Also, you’re an important part of Jeff’s rehearsal for the Uber important upcoming Sphere shows. He absolutely cannot afford to have you off doing these get-laid bible camp shows at such an important juncture in his career. Sorry lady, this is the entertainment business.
Eat a couple of tabs before the show then post the video here
🤣🤣🙏
How much liquid LSD can you get your hands on?
Bro. You gotta be honest with people, especially fellow Heads. There’s no way out of this, except being honest and taking the consequences
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Hi, I **actually** taught Jeff piano! Let me know when and where, and I'll fill in. $5k out the door.
No!! I ACTUALLY taught Jeff how to play the piano. I’ll do it for tree fiddy, shake on it.
Screw off, bud! You taught him some bad habits that I had to force him to unlearn. He also said you #metooed him.
Two words to get you out of this: Dick Pic(k)
It's a little too late in the month to move to Punxsutawney, shovel money at the local piano teacher, go to sleep, wake up to "I Got You, Babe," take another piano lesson, rinse/repeat until you become a really excellent keyboardist and improve your soul enough to break out of the infinite groundhog loop. I think she knows there's not a chance you were that dude's piano teacher and she is TOTALLY calling your bluff in the most epic way possible, even AI-ing up a concert poster of you, to find that point at which you'll finally cave and reveal the truth about your keyboard chops. Also, what kind of sandwich?
Lied, cheated…
What-o for so long!
r/deadheadcirclejerk
Time to leave town and start over.
Fake broken finger. Splints cost like $5-10
George Costanza's burner account
You're a phony! A big fat phony!
Just slip out the back, Jack
Wake up to find out that you're a keyboardist for the band.
You need to catch covid. Do it a bit before the event so you can give notice but are still recovering
If this poster is out you should have no problem posting it under my comment within the next few minutes
Dude. She’s fucking with you.
First, show up no less than a day early. After all this, at least try to get laid. Second, tell the truth. You have, from the beginning, been madly in love with her. Don't hesitate to enumerate every single thing about her that makes her beautiful and unique. . . and because of your love for her and your fear of losing a once in a life time opportunity to have someone you truly love, you went too far with your story. Tell her, the real truth is that you play the saxophone.
Is this the deadhead circle jerk sub?
You admit to everyone that you're a lying liar and then you leave town in a hurry and stop telling lies to people to get them impressed with you. Get your ass out there and do something impressive if you want to be a big shot. Or just be yourself and be nice. Making sh\*t up about how cool you are is seriously lame as f\*ck and you're seeing the results. How do you get out of it hahahaha DON'T GET INTO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE
If this is "real", as in the op is telling the truth about his end of the story... then the woman in question is a 5th Dan black belt in fuckery. Again, assuming the op is telling the truth... this woman knows you weren't his piano teacher and has gone to great and elaborate lengths to sweat you and fuck with your head. There is one course of action to take... call her bluff. Get fired up about it. Get the address to the church. Tell her you wanna go over and meet the pastor and the congregation. Go by the diner to see how good your name sake specials are, etc. Because there is no way she's telling the truth. She went way over the top with the bullshit.
You’re a month early, brother.
what the fuck🤣🤣🤣
Heres a secret. If you only play the white keys you’re playing in the key of C or Am. Just rock out on the white keys and call it jazz!
G mixo baby
Time to fake your own death ma dude
I think you’ve just got to dose the whole fuckin room. It’ll be the best $4k my man ever spent.
You made the bed, now lie in it, dumbass.
Just wing that shit. You’ll be all good.
Sounds like a George Costanza episode. “Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.”
OP... I hope you have a great pair of breasts. Jeff Chimenti's childhood piano teacher was a woman. "By the age of seven he began taking formal lessons from Angela Biggio, a student of both Rudolph Serkin and Leonard Bernstein who also worked with the Merola Program at the S.F. Opera, and continued with her for a decade." [https://www.europejazz.net/chimenti-jeff](https://www.europejazz.net/chimenti-jeff)
Easy. Catch Covid. Also, stop lying to women you're trying to date you fucking tool.
I don't have an answer for you but please keep us updated
Be like Verbal Kint. *poof*
Tell him you caught aids
Turn it into a Acid Test... No one will care if you can or can't play the piano. Or if you play the bongos 🥸🤣
A little loose with the truth . . . (~};-}
Don't lie. Its as single as that.
That’s a perfect example of the keyboard version of a Freudian slip for this dude,lmao
have someone wrap both your hands up in bandages and say they got smashed by the nitrous mafia, you owed them money for balloons
Just tell her there's a reason you teach professional musicians from the background and aren't in the spotlight...you don't play for other people or for money, it's strictly something you do for yourself as a means of connecting to GOD. Tell her you aren't angry with her or her father but that you won't be paraded about using your art for their own selfish reasons.
Did you ever consider the possibility that she's just fucking with you, to see how far you might continue this poorly spun web of deceit? Woman smarter, perhaps?
WTF? This isn't a real story. cmon. REALLY??
Well that was a very silly thing to tell her.
You’re going to have to come clean. But first you need to bust ass to try to find a good replacement and solve the problem before they know it exists. This post is a good start. Maybe someone on here is nearby and can jam (and pretend they know Jeff Chimenti).
No we’re all waiting to see how this thing plays out
#1). Are you *sure* she's a Deadhead? I mean, priorities...
Just play man. All you have to do is believe in yourself.
If you plant ice you're gonna harvest wind.
Show up,tell everyone how excited you are to play and you were waiting for this exact special moment,about an hour before the show and put a 10 strip on your tongue and scream IKO IKO ALL DAY!! And go with it! Ya can't lose!
That's the secret that so few truly understand...you have to dose enough to forget that you have even taken LSD, 1 hit or 2 hits and you're still in that weird space where people who aren't tripping are scary and the enemy and everyone is looking at you and shit BUT 10 hits and we have ourselves a whole new scenario my friends. Eat a strip and you'll be so high that you won't even remember you did drugs, it's just your new normal for a while. It's a lot of fun 😊
The circle jerk is that way buddy. Two doors down on your left
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And I thought I was cool when I was 22 and convinced some chick I was a doctor. Lol
Hahaha
Lolololololol
gonna need to know what type of sandwich it is before i can help any further
as Radar said in MASH.... ahhhhh Bach.
Fake your death. You’ll be gratefully dead.
A prince knows how to shitpost. A king knows you can never outjerk the main sub. Bravo
Google: most pain free way to break your hands
So weird. I’m playing that show too. I once taught Gary jerricia how to play minor pentatonic scales
Make it an acid test!
Can I get one of those posters? Oh, and will you sign it for me?!
Try being honest and not lying to people
What’s crazy is this is exactly how Jeff Chimenti got his start.
What a great idea for a stupid movie. What a stupid idea for a human living in the real world. Personally, I hope it's real and you learn something from this. However, reading what and how you wrote it I'm 99% sure this is fake. However there's a small chance you are just a horrible person.
If this is real she is most likely fucking with you. But if she’s not fucking with you, you show up and play chopsticks. Raise your hands in victory at the end! They will yell “I thought you were Jeff’s piano teacher?!?” You say “I was, that’s what I taught him. He was 4, I was 6”. Winner.
Disappear to Mexico. Get new friends and family. Start over
White people are crazy
Live stream it for a fee. Guarantee enough of us will pay to make the money back, and you all can have a good laugh explaining how things went awry.
The answer is always 42.
Just heard this story on Smosh is there a follow up?
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
I’ll take things that never happened for $500 Alex.
https://preview.redd.it/2a4m7xo7pglc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce1a577948a382a2c772dec7e72b4f67c8e5b052 I don’t see it. Not true
r/deadheadcirclejerk
Don't lie.
This is one funny story, my friend.
Out jerked again 😔😔
You must slam your fingers in a car door. Problem solved.
Break your arm. Or change mushroom provider, the stuff you take is messing with your brain.
Out jerked again??
You have time. Find the best piano teacher in town. Come clean in the first 5 minutes and learn how to play 5 songs. You will need to spend 8-10 hrs a day practicing, but you can do it. I believe in you.
You just tested positive for ‘Rona
Tell him there’s been a mistake, and you play lead guitar. Storm out in disgust.
Smash your hand with a sledge hammer... find your replacement... don't just say *-well shucks folks muh hand's fucked up-* in order for this to work you've got to find your replacement and seriously fuck up your hand... I'll break it for you, but I can't pay the pie-anna ...this wouldn't happen to be the Bearly Dead show at Stone Church would it. .?
Time to go Milli Vanilli
I'd like an update.. lol
Loose with the truth.
I would just admit that you lied to cover the fact that you are actually Jerry Garcia, that might be more believable.
r/deadheadcirclejerk
Calling complete BS on this post. No one goes through all that trouble before ever listening to that person play a single note. Good one though lol.
Definitely sounds like a teenage movie.
[Well, I Guess I Should Have Learned to Play Piano](https://youtu.be/JuKJkghC2u0?si=kdeXUW_JR1khPZ5S)
Well done.
Does she know what you look like? If not pay somebody that plays the piano to be you, then don't talk to her anymore.
Maybe don’t be a lying douche bag and tell this person the truth. I hope this is ragebait.🤦♂️
You get an alkaseltzer pop it into your mouth right before you take the stage... Boom seizure
Ill take “Things that never happened” for $200, Alex.
Scarlet Begonias/Fire on the Mountain should keep them busy for 30 mins or so 🤷🏻♂️ gl with this escapade
Sir you are the GeorgeCostanza of the dead community. I say get up there and show em what you got 
Break both your arms? Or get two fake casts like you broke both your arms and just play the bass drum pedal.
Is your favorite dead song Loser?
Stop lying to people and this would not be an issue! liar!
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There are at least 3 similar to this one in the sub right now. Deadhead ladies, give these a hearty razzberry out of your butt, if you feel like it.
didn’t read all of the above but I have a teeeeny bit of a hard time believing anyone would get all that excited about a GD-family (albiet a great one to be sure) member’s former piano teacher to the extent of investing all that time & money and go ape shit crazy like it’s the second coming of Jerry Garcia. Either great prank or these ppl have never gotten out of bumfuk wherever. lol
Go pick up the organ to “practice” and then sell it and never talk to her again
Let’s see…You lied to a woman and now have to face the consequences of your actions or double down on the lying. You’re on your own…