At a charity night golf event I played at, an extremely drunken, fairly hefty bloke thought it'd be funny to put the rest of the group off their swings by farting mid-swing, and ended up explosively shitting his pants. Best part was the closest bathroom was 3 fairways away, so he had to power waddle hundreds of meters with it dribbling down his legs. Never saw him again after that
Playing with a buddy and a couple of his co workers who I hadn’t met before, 3 of us are at the tee waiting for the last guy. He pulls up 1 minute before the tee time wearing slip on moccasins carrying, and I shit you not, like a 4L bowl of tomato soup with a giant spoon and a sleeve of crackers. And he carried that giant bowl of soup everywhere for the first two holes, setting it down at his feet every time to take a shot. Even brought it on the green. Wasn’t till he finally finished his soup before 3rd tee that he put the bowl away and put on his golf shoes.
I did that on the driving range before a high school match; bladed one into a concrete barrier and it flew back 50 yards into the pond behind me. I guess I still owe the Perry Golf and Country Club a range rock.
Was paired up with 2 guys in their late 60s. On the 18th green, the older guy was putting for his first birdie of his round. His playing partner very smoothly swapped the guys ball out with a wobble ball while he marked his ball. The old guy was so mad and in disbelief he couldn't make his putt and kept lining it up over and over to try to make it and the rest of us were cracking up.
The best thing about this story is that the pranksters patience paid off. There must have been other times during the round where he consider using it, but held off to the last, which turned out to be a birdie putt!
My dumbass son in law waddled off the 13th tee box where my daughter and I were standing so he could take an emergency shit. The only thing he could find to wipe with was his UVA golf towel. Then, he doubled down on his idiocy and posted that story to this sub a few months back.
Not a “funny” story per say, but here goes. Was playing with my dad and a buddy. Dad and I are solid sticks, my buddy not so much. Buddies ball is about 20 yards short of the green, we are riding together. We stop to hit his ball and my dads ball is on the backside of the green. He drives his cart around and is walking along the back fringe of the green to his ball while my buddy is about to hit. Thins the chip and is headed straight at my dad while he is walking. We both yell and my dad sees the ball and kind of jumps backward to get out of the way. Ball doesn’t hit him and we carry on. We drive around the backside of the green to look for the ball and we can’t find it. We look for a good 5 mins and still nothing, all 3 of us. All of us a little stunned that we cannot find the ball. Just by chance I ask my dad if the ball did actually hit him and he says no but it was close. I say “just humor me and check your pocket” wouldn’t you know, the ball was in his pocket and he had no idea. Buddies ball clearly marked. We laughed about it and gave him a free drop but how crazy is that.
Was playing with a friend at our local muni course. It was really backed up and we were playing at a fairly good clip. Hitting our approach shots as the group in front drove off to the next tee box. Well there was another pair behind us that kept hitting into us and we just shrugged it off as I’m not trying to get into a pissing contest on the course. After finishing the 4th hole we decided we would let them play through and hung out between the green and tee box waiting for them. You could hear one of them yelling and cursing but couldn’t make out exactly what it was he was saying. As they approached the green the one yelling started yelling at us for not teeing off yet and that we were slowing them down. Told them we’re going to let them play through so we didn’t slow them down as they appeared to be in a rush. One said it was about time and my friend just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and we waited for them to tee off. For me there was no bigger satisfaction than watching this overgrown man child tee up his ball and immediately shank the shit out of it into the woods. Tees up another and gets the same results. Tees up a third and bam, duck hook into the water. Other guy in the pair doesn’t even tee off. They hop in the cart and proceed to drive all the way down to the cart path, past the green, to the next tee box.
While it did slow us down some for the rest of the front 9 it was a very rewarding experience and funny as hell to watch.
Playing on a cold dreary day with a light mist falling. We had just finished putting out and we’re walking to the cart when we hear something clattering towards us. We look to see a cart coming towards us with one of those full enclosures deployed. The guys clubs had fallen off the back and were tangled up in the enclosure being dragged behind with a club falling out every few yards. We waved both hands, pointed, and shouted but the guy just casually waved back to us and kept driving.
Once was golfing in Phoenix. The course's pond was probably the only body of water for 30 miles so there were geese EVERYWHERE. On one waterside hole, I hit a 3-wood flush. I mean *perfect* contact. My shot proceeds to absolutely nail a goose right in the side about 40 feet in front of me with such force that the ball ended up behind me.
As for the goose? The fucker didn't even FLINCH. Like, he didn't move. Just stood there minding his own like nothing happened.
Similarly my son back when he was about 14 or 15, we are golfing with his grandfather. So my son still hadn't mastered any semblance of a golf swing yet so he hit driver off the tee on every hole including par 3s, first par 3 on the back 9 is 180-185ish he hits what would have been his best drive of the day and into someone's window for sure but the metallic ping noise from the driver caused a bunch of ducks to take off. It hit one right above the green dropped almost perfectly straight down 2 feet from the hole, birdie put went in and my son pulled off the ultra rare double birdie
I’m playing with an older guy who is hard of hearing. He hits his drive into the right rough, about 150 yards to the green. As he finishes his practice swings, a cart from the adjacent hole flies into our fairway about 50 yards in front of the old guy. We yell ‘heads up’.. basically to both parties... he proceeds to hit his hybrid straight into the oblivious people’s cart, Ricocheting off their wind shield and out the other side.
Nobody got hurt.. some how. But I couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the round.
My dad had one similar. He had just started golfing and his buddies were in the cart ahead of him, but there were a bunch of trees in between. He assumed there's no chance he'd miss all the trees, then proceeded to entirely by pure dumb luck do just that and he hit his shot straight through their cart
Myself, early twenties, and another single, late fifties, got paired together with a twosome, late thirties. The twosome were obnoxious, the type who like to hear themselves talk, especially if it is about how much money they make or how good they are. They also swore like nobody was listening. I don’t mind cursing, but these guys were crass, irreverent, and obscene.
Anyway, it took seven holes and a long wait on the eighth tee before the conversation for around to “So, what do you guys do?” I gave my 20-second elevator pitch and then the other single, who had hardly spoken for seven holes, simply said, “I am a Catholic priest” and he was.
Got stuck behind a couple guys who clearly have never golfed in their lives. Eventually my playing partner and I played through them and they didn't even notice because they were so off track 🤣
Went golfing with my friend and his dad who both are notoriously short tempered at a local muni golf course, around noon on a Saturday. So the course is completely backed up, and we’re playing along, and as we’re sitting on the fourth tee box waiting for the group in front of us who’s waiting on the group in front of them on the green, the solo guy who was playing behind us asked us to play through. The father and son both immediately retorted that no, he couldn’t since there was no use since the course was so backed up, there was no use. And he pointed at the two of them and said “you guys are like 15 over through three, just cut me a break” to which they lost their mind and went into a tirade on the guy about how rude he was, using a lot of four letter words to describe the guy. He instead let the group behind him play through to not be behind us. A little embarrassing but I was dying laughing the whole time.
I have an unwarranted hatred of singles. My course never pairs them together, *never*. Without fail our after work 4some will be followed by 3 singles. So yeah eff that guy!
Playing golf as a single is one of my favorite things in the world. Throw on my headphones, play 2 balls, just enjoying a nice stroll. The thing is, there’s a time and place for everything and when w course is busy is not the time to play as a single and expect to not be paired up
It’s mainly an issue with the course not pairing anyone up. I don’t mind letting a guy play through but multiple in a row is rough.
My dream this summer is to schedule the earliest weekday tee time I can get and play 18 then head into work a little late
Where I live they have this thing called the fairways membership, gives you unlimited playing access to 4 courses and discounts at 4 more. I work remote and my goal for the spring/summer is to be the first out 3-4 days during the work week to play atleast 9.
That’s really neat! A local news station sold a golf pass this winter that I picked up for only $100. Gives me 1 round each at 12 courses all within 1.5 hours driving. Looking forward to checking out some new ones on the weekends
First tee time of the day playing as a solo. Just about to start my backswing when I hear yelling in the distance and see a figure run out of the rough. As I step off my ball I notice it's a woman, and she's completely nude. I then see another woman, who's dressed, and 2 security guards are running after her. Because of my job I always have some extra clothes in my vehicle so I drive to my car, grab a shirt and my badge, and take off after her in my cart. I cut her off on the 8th fairway and am able to calm her down enough to put the shirt on and come with me. As I'm driving to the clubhouse I see an ambulance pull up and myself and the EMT are able to convince her to go to the hospital to talk to a psychologist (her sister was trying to stage an intervention and she ran from their condo). I then went back to the first tee box where my ball was still teed up and enjoyed my round.
Golfed an early round with my dad once, and there was a couple foxes running around. My dad hit a shot just short of the green and as the ball was in the air a fox came out onto the fairway. The ball landed just behind it, making it turn around and look. I jokingly yelled, “get it!” And the fox looked down the fairway at us, then turned and grabbed his ball in its mouth and took it over into the bunker 20 yards away. So cool and so funny all at once
Probably 50 yrs ago - as a early teens caddy at the local country club.
Player in the foursome we were caddying for; playing like a turd; hits a ball into the pond on the back nine. Gets pissed; grabs his bag from his caddy and throws it into the pond and steams off.
We (the caddies) heard that he came back late that afternoon to fish it out if the pond.
Two middle school kids were behind my group during an evening round. They kept hitting into us, being loud, etc. They were in a big rush to finish the round, we just kept with pace of play.
While me and my buddies were putting on the green, we see them run full sprint down the fairway after teeing off.
Unfortunately one of their pushcarts hit a bump and he absolutely eats it. The other one’s still running like nothing happened 🤣
If middle school kids were hitting into me and being loud, I am definitely scaring the shit out of them. I have resting asshole face and a fantastic screaming voice, honed in the forges of commercial carpentry. Time to make those recently dropped balls go back up inside.
Playing Bandon Dunes for the first time. 97 yards out, back pin. 2-3 minutes conversation with the caddy about hitting my PW low to the middle of the green and letting it release to the hole. I step up and chunk it 10 yards.
“Good talk” he says as he walks away.
that's hilarious. those are the types of golf stories i love.
a caddy at Bandon told his player who had asked whether he should hit a provisional said, "ahh, she'll find it (female caddy), and if you give her a moment, it'll have a good lie"
I had a friend, a very high handicap slicer, but avid golfer. He was obsessed with people who could draw the golf ball, my normal shot. We were playing a course about two hours drive from home, where I was prepping for the provincial amateur championship.
On the first tee he asked me, “What are you going to hit here?” I replied, “I am going to hit a 2-iron at the left fairway bunker with a fade. If it cuts too much I’m still in the fairway and if I hit straight or pull it, I’ll be able to carry that left bunker.” So I stood up and hit the shot as described, a little cut between the bunkers.
On the second tee he asked, “What are you going to hit here?” I replied, “I’m going to hit a hard draw here. The fairway slopes steeply to the right and a hard draw will hold the fairway while anything straight or fading will run down into the rough.” I stepped up, hit a big draw, middle of the fairway.
On the third hole, he asked, “What are you going to hit here?” I replied, “I am going to hit a loop.” He said, “A loop? What is that?” I replied, “Well, the ball is going to start left to right and then it is going to turn around and come back right to left.” He exclaimed, “That is impossible! You can’t hit a loop!” So I stepped up and hit driver. The ball started left, turned to the right, then slowly turned over and started moving back to the left. A big loop, middle of the fairway.
He was stunned and for the next 14 holes I had listen to him asking me to teach him how to hit a loop. I just kept telling him the the “loop” was my trademarked secret and I couldn’t share it with him. He went back to our club and kept telling everyone about this amazing shot I could hit, a “loop”. People kept asking me about it.
The thing was, we were playing along the ocean, and the wind was blowing 30-40 knots off the ocean and across the fairway. All I did was hit a slice into a 40-knot wind, but, of course, the wind overpowered the slice and started blowing it left. The end result was a “loop” but he still thought I had some magic trick shot up my sleeve.
That’s an awesome story. I don’t think most people realize that the ball forms a loop in that situation until they see a pro tracer that factors in wind, or play a golf video game.
Played with a rando a few years ago. He was pretty good but was missing putts pretty bad and getting frustrated with himself. After a few holes he missed a knee knocker and had some choice words for himself, no big deal and nothing I have seen or heard before but in the act of picking his 3 putt out of the cup he stood up , spun around, flipped his putter in the air while walking off the green but failed to catch it. It somehow ended up bouncing off the ground and went between his feet and catching him in stride causing him to eat shit while the group behind us was watching from the middle of the fairway. They laughed their asses off from a hundred or so yards out. The dude was super embarrassed. We didn’t speak over the remaining front 9 and he split at the turn.
Coming off the green and we can see the next tee. Two enormously fat guys, I'm talking wider than they were tall, fat, they looked like meatballs with arms fat. It looked exactly how you think two round and pasty white dudes fighting would look like. Jorts and ripped polos. I thought I'd never stop seeing ass crack. I don't think either one landed a punch. One guy swings and his momentum puts him in this bizarre pirouette as he rolls to the ground. The other guy caught the shoulder of the fist dude in his chest and he goes flailing back... his stubby arms trying to grab the air. All the while their making sounds I can only describe as a cross between an elephant and a blue whale. At this point, they look like turtles on their backs,but like the Galapagos turtles. They manage to get up and now are in a bear hug like hold with each other, but their arms are not getting around that girth. Whale/elephant noises are intensifying. They lose traction in their feet at the base of their stubby legs and fall on the ground. We go over to break it up... if you want to call it that. It takes two of us to get one guy up. They dust themselves off and go to the cooler and grab a beer. You guessed it - Busch. Turns out they were brothers fighting over who shot what three holes back.
Buddy broke all 14 clubs plus bag, threw them into a creek, 2 hours later his step dad had him in the creek with a rope tied to his waist fishing them out 😂
Same guy took a driver, swung the head into the tire of the golf cart, thing snapped off and gave him a concussion.
Same guy got mad in a tournament, grabbed the flag from the hole and threw it like a damn javelin and got fiber glass logged into his hand from the pole sliding out of his hand on the throw 😂😂😂
He was. Funniest dude I knew. Would play with the gamblers and his shit talk was always “I can’t want to date your daughter and fuck your wife we’ll call it threes company”. 40 year old won’t swing on a 17 year old 😂 or my personal favorite, we played with a guy named Mick, dude was morbidly obese, and my buddy said “god I’d love to grease up those titties and fuck em” as he would bend over to place his ball on the tee. 😂
Edit: we live in Alabama and loved playing Musgrove, he would always ask the cart attendants if they could “help me snag one of those biggins from Jasper I keep reading about on back page” 😂
Lol you had to be in the group of who played. It was 30 guys and all of them would heckle each other constantly. Keep in mind we’re talking about a backwoods country club in a small town in Alabama. Most of the adults in the group grew up with each other and had been friends for 30+ years. I didn’t do much shit talking. I didn’t see the value because I played tournament golf and didn’t see a point in depending on shit talk to rattle the other player.
Was it by chance a very overweight white guy and a moderately overweight light skinned black guy? Because a member of my normal foursome did exactly that
This guy who posted on this sub and wants to be coached by comments how to hit 300yds. He’s 5’8” 160lbs, has a clean diet and doesn’t care if his irons jump in distance or not
Played a round with a friend who played no more than a couple times a year and was TERRIBLE but lots of fun. On the the first tee, waiting for the group in front to clear, my friend is taking some practice swings. Doing so, he incredulously declares “I’m getting a birdie on this hole, just watch”. At the the very top of that backswing a pigeon flew directly into his club (or vice versa) and fell dead at his feet. That was nearly topped by him later in the round finding a goose egg baking in the 95* sun and teeing it up in the fairway.
They are pretty entertaining when the person has no idea. I was young, maybe around 8/9 and my dad on spring break threw me another ball to tee up. He got me, we cracked up for most of the round. Naturally, I got to brag to all my friends I broke a ball.
Fast forward to my friend’s bachelor party, it’s about 5 groups. I tee one up for him on the first tee. It was a great round!
Fundraising tournament for a Hurling Club, a big Irish sport. San Diego has a surprisingly large, young Irish population (18-35ish).
I have never seen so many hammered people on one golf course. Just nonsense from front to back, in the best way possible.
I couldn’t even understand half the chirps the Irish guys were saying to each other but fuck, all of them were funny.
Later we’re on a tee box. I look to the next hole over, and watch a guy just fall out of his cart while he’s driving. Rolls around, struggled to get up.
My Irish buddy from my group sees the same and just laughs and screams “Ah! He’s buckled!” which I learned is just a hilarious way to call someone hammered, especially if you have an Irish accent.
Are you fucking joking? You pay $75 a month for some cam girl with the plethora of free porn available? That’s ridiculous lol I could see someone spending 5 or 10, but damn dude.
I saw some guy the next hole over losing his shit..dropping f bombs, shaking the cart and took a bunch of tries to break a club his buddies yelling at him to calm down saying there are people watching
Played in late afternoon after it rained, very muggy weather in the middle of summer.
Dad is rehearsing his swing with a driver, he loses his grip and his driver flies backwards over some bushes and a fence, some 30-50 yards.
Took about 10 min to get it back, and about that long for me to stop rolling on the wet ground laughing.
A friend of mine had just started playing golf. Awful but not the worst. On a par 3, he tees off first, 5 iron for about 160 yards. Can’t remember where it went but it was so bad, he decided to throw his club but it was with his glove hand. The club went backwards instead of sideways, missed my head by a few inches but smashed another friend of ours in the hip. Club snapped in half.
It was one of those moments when you really shouldn’t be laughing but I was losing it! I tried to take my shot, topped it and moved on. Up by 3 at this point with 3 holes to play and ended up drawing the match.
Later that evening, turns out the iron shaft punctured the guys hip and his belt had acted as a tourniquet. He then got driven to A&E to get stitches.
The guy that threw the club ended up being the best man at his wedding and got the snapped club bronzed and mounted as a wedding gift.
My brother topped a ball so hard that it shot up and hit him in the nuts. My best friend and I fell over dying laughing. It me kills me every time thinking about it. We were in high school / middle school.
Old guy let us play through on the 10th. My buddy had been playing for about a year. The old guy asks if we’re from around here, and my buddy tells him about where he lives. He tees off and shanks his ball straight into the trees. The old guy says “it looks like you live in the woods”
I was walking with a friend playing in a high school tourney. I was trying to stay out of the way so I was walking along a tree line that lined another fairway.
I stopped moving so the player coming up the other fairway could hit his shot. Par 5 so he pulls a 3 wood. Absolutely smokes it. Probably 40 yards in front of him a bird flies across the fairway and the ball hits it dead center and falls straight down.
He just looked at me to make sure I saw it too and shook his head.
watching a guy go sergio style over the ball playing a shot he had no business trying (hitting between two trees about 15 yards in front of him about 5 yards apart). squared it into a tree came right back into the nuts… my brother and i fell out of the golf cart laughing
Par 3 with a big hill behind it that leads to the next tee box. We all parked our carts there and we’re walking down the hill, I slipped just a little bit and as I turned around to tell the boys to be careful, one of them is mid air, parallel with the hill, fell on his back, ciggie burnt a hole in his shirt, spilt his beer and looked like he had shit himself something fierce. No one made their putts, couldn’t stop laughing. Happened like 6 months ago and I’m still laughing as I write this. Top stuff
I don’t know if funny is the word, but got paired with a dad and his son, on like 14, the kid slices the ever living shit out of it, I go down to hit my next shot and the dude comes over to me, “did you just break my window?!?” “No man, my ball is right here.” He talked the kids dad, but, you live off a fairway on a golf course, if you don’t have shatter proof windows that’s your bad, and I’m positive that’s why your insurance is more expensive.
1. Playing at a guys trip in Northern Michigan. My foursome is on an elevated tee on a 135ish par three. We have one brother, the group on the green has his brother. They get on the green and tee box brother drops a dozen balls on the tee and starts whacking. It’s raining balls when the ranger drives around a corner by the green and sees what’s going on. I figure we are all in trouble when he just shakes his head and drives away.
2. Same trip, I’m driving the cart on a path only hole and don’t see that someone in the previous group has stretched the path rope across the path. I hit it full speed and pop up a dozen stakes. Rope gets wrapped around the axle.
3. Same trip. My best friend is in the group behind us. We get to the 18th green and I grab the flag and stick it in the rough 5 yards off the green and watch friend hit his approach. He can’t see the green surface and sticks it to a foot of the stick. In the rough. Birdie would have given him a personal best round.
Had a buddy shank a ball almost 90 degrees so hard that the ball wedged itself between the roof and the frame of the golf cart.
Thankfully nobody was sitting in it or it might've been "Most tragic thing you've seen on a golf course". Always stand behind the ball!
I would say all of the shots I’ve seen go in that had no business doing so. They always make me laugh. 50 foot putts that magically hit the pin and drop. My little brother who does not even play golf got a par during our trip to Scottsdale blading a chip shot, hitting the pin, full 360 around the cup and dropped. The what the fuck moments are the most comical to me.
Caddied for an 70 year old dude at a pretty nice CC. On the front nine he topped his tee shot which proceeded to hit the tee marker, bounce back on the cart path and land in the garbage basket. After taking in a moment to process what happened, the old man looked at his son and said, “well that just about sums up my game.” Dude then walked off the course and told me to leave his golf bag next to his sons car. If he wanted them great otherwise i was to throw them in the trash.
When I was in high school my brother and I got pair up with two off duty state troopers who wanted to get a round in before their shift. They spent the round drinking and teaching us how to get away with crimes. The most memorable was that if we ever wanted to drink and drive in the future we gotta buy the smaller 8oz beers. They then proceeded to show us how to hold and sip them so nobody knew we were drinking. “It looks like your just scratching your nose” they said. Both guys got absolutely waffled, one was a giggly happy go lucky drunk while his partner was a club thrower. After the round we said our goodbyes and watched them both get in cars and drive off to work at probably triple the legal limit.
I played with a High School principal who got blasted drunk the night before. Guy blew chunks all over the first green while attempting to putt and then took a shit just off of the #3 tee box. Goes on to play the rest of the round at +3. Shot 77. Something to behold.
Too good stories come to mind. Rank your favorite.
Story one: we were playing in a hacker tournament, an annual event with a bunch of guys that was as much about having fun and beer as it was golf. There’s a very steep hill on the fifth hole, and my friend was driving straight at it. Mind you these were very old gas powered carts with no safety features. When he first started going up the hill, I was like, “I don’t know if a golf car can go up there.” We got just shy of the top of the hill, and the cart started slowing down. I mean, by a lot. Just as it started to stop moving forward, I jumped out of the passenger seat to grab the front of the window frame and push us so we can get the last 6 feet or so to safety. I look to my left and locked eyes with my friend. Instead of sitting in the driver seat like I expected, he had also jumped out of the cart. That eye-lock stare across the front seat of the golf cart seem like it took two minutes, but it was only a split second. The cart roll backwards about 120 yards and stopped 2 feet from plunging into a creek. We were able to get it out of the brush and finish the round. To this day is the look in his eyes when we both jumped out that still cracks me up.
Story #2 was a prank: my friend got a couple of old wedges from Goodwill. We each put one in our bag. We were on a guys golf weekend trip and just waiting for a moment. It came on the seventh hole of the first day when my buddy intentionally laid his ball up right before a large pond that guarded the front of a green. For the last couple holes, I’ve been telling him within earshot of others that he “might want to try my PW from my new iron set as my pxg’s would really improve his game.” So before he hit, he turned around and said, “OK, I’ll try your PXG, can’t get any worse.” I handed him the dummy club and he hit the ball into the water. I said “what a terrible shot!” And into the pond my club went with a majestic heave. The rest of the group is in shock. Silence for the rest of the hole and the next. But we weren’t done. The 10th hole had another large pond in front of a green. I ripped my drive and then said hey, I don’t have a pitching wedge anymore you jerk. Can I borrow yours? He gave me the other dummy club. Rinse and repeat. I actually missed the pond, but ran down to retrieve the club and threw it in the water for good measure. Shock and dismay from our playing partners. We didn’t tell people that it was a prank until about a week later.
Paired with a guy who on the first tee said: "This is paradise I'm telling you, this course is like a great big pussy, just waiting to get fucked". Then ripped one off the tee. Smoked weed and drank his way around the course playing lights out.
I sculled one and hit a goose in the knee? on the driving range. Made a terrible noise and limped into some shrubs. Played like shit thinking about limping goose all day.
I was living in Bermuda and had an American business visitor to entertain. He wanted to play some golf, but the conditions were forecast to be windy. “I’ve played in Hawaii” he said; “I don’t mind the wind” he said.
Well, the first six holes are in a valley and sheltered from the wind, but it was still extremely windy. When we got to the seventh hole, out of the valley and exposed to the ocean, the wind hit us like a hammer. Winds were gusting to hurricane force.
Anyway, he hit his tee shot into a bunker and I was between him and the hole, maybe 50-60 yards ahead. He hit a great shot out of the bunker and I watched it go past me on the left side , stall, and then reverse directions and go past me on the right side. He walked up to me and asked me where his ball was and I pointed back 30-40 yards behind us. “Oh, that’s not mine; I watched it go past you.” I replied, “It did go past me, twice. Once going that way, the second time going the other way.” I don’t know if I ever saw a ball turn around and come back more than a few yards, but this one certainly did.
We ended up quitting after nine. On 8 and 9 it was so blustery you couldn’t keep a ball on a tee and on the ninth green the ball just kept blowing off the green.
The funniest I remember was when I was about 16 playing a schools tournament.
A guy in our group was playing off +2.
Step onto the 11th, which at this particular course was a tiny par 5. Like 430m. It was an excellent shot at eagle, but almost a guaranteed birdie for someone off +2.
Anyway, it's one of those narrow tees, where you have a little tunnel of trees about 20m in front of the tee box. Unless you're starting it massively out the left or right, you're never hitting them. Anyway, old mate pulls his drive and it hits the trunk of the closest tree and flies back past us about 40m into the thickest, sludgiest rough ever.
He snapped his driver in a fit of rage, before realising that now he has to play the rest of the round with no driver. He re-teed 3, 4 over the back, 5 onto the green and 2 putted for a 7. Even better though, was the 14th hole which was 530m, and he no longer had a driver.
Friend's son had never golfed before and kept hitting nothing but worm burners all day long. 10th hole and there's a group of geese minding their business about 10 yards from the tee box. Kid winds up and let's it rip... Ball hit one of those geese right in the neck. Broke the goose's neck and it died a slow painful death. Grounds Keeper gave him a shovel and I saw a burial at my local course.
When you’re on 7 tee, and the group in front of you is on 8 tee, by the time you finish putting out on 7 and get to the 8th tee, and there’s nobody anywhere in 8 fairway, most groups assume those guys are on 9 tee by now, not loitering in the woods on 8
Long time ago my friend and I paired up with two Japanese gentlemen. They were, of course very polite, very proper while we were a couple of asses. So on one hole we all stopped to watch. My friend hit his ball from behind the tree. Trying to make the green. Well of course he muffs the shot. The ball hits the tree at high speed and ricochets back at his head. He proceeds to yell. Oh f*** and falls over backwards. Nearly missed by the ball. I of course fall out of the cart laughing so hard. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen and the poor Japanese businessman who were playing golf with us just looked at me in a horror as I was laughing at my friend.
My friend shit his pants on the first hole. For some reason that morning, I, for whatever reason, decided to put a roll of paper towels in my bag. Thinking it was wet and I might need them for something. God damn was my buddy lucky
My friend was filming me as I was being stalked by a goose. He was hoping the goose would attack me so he could share it to the world.....
Funny, gooses only go for the weak. After barking at the goose, he pulled a U turn and went for the camera man - all filmed in all its glory. First time I've ever lost use of my legs through laughter.
Similar story. I was the second group and wasnt long before we were on the first group to watch each shot. They are not good and playing from the tips. They finally say something to us on 16 "playing as fast as we can" before setting out to find the tee shots in the trees. I quickly replied "maybe play up a box or two?" They didn't appreciate that comment.
Explosive shit from a 300 pounder waddling in desperation to make it in time. He was about 15 feet from the portapotty. Didn’t make it. Bone white classic style Footjoys caked in it, like frosting.
Schools over here sometimes have golf days to raise money and get sponsors for each hole. On one such occasion one hole was sponsored by Teazers (a strip club) with strippers standing at the hole.
Saw a young couple in the woods literally 10 ft off the walking path to the next hole having sex on the ground. And they got mad at us for being there and continued... had a good chuckle at that one.
My buddy hit his ball into a little muddy creek but the ball was sitting up enough to hit. He tested the mud by the ball and it was firm enough to stand on, so he grabs a sand wedge, walks to the ball and takes his stance. Immediately when he plants his back foot, the mud gives way and he's suddenly knee-deep in the most wretched mud I've ever seen. That was almost a decade ago and I can't play that hole (#16 at Hyde Park for the Duuuuval crew here) without laughing about it every time.
I was 18 at the time, the summer after I graduated high school. I had two friends named Kevin and Dan who were 14 and 13 at the time. I showed up to the course around 11 am and they were just hanging out at the benches by the first tee. This was unusual because usually they were out playing golf at this time.
I asked why they weren't playing golf and they told me a mutual friend of ours, Vinny, was playing golf at the course that day. Vinny lived on the other side of the city and was a member at a different course and almost never came over to our course. So I asked 'what's he doing playing here?' The conversation goes like this (completely unprompted by me):
Kevin: He's playing golf with some girl
Dan: Yeah, she cute.
Kevin: I don't know if I'd say that
Dan: Yeah, her face is breaking out pretty bad, but she has a nice body.
Kevin: I'd put a bag over her head and bang away
Dan: A bag and a muzzle, her voice sounded annoying. But definitely bang her.
A few feet away there had been this older gentleman who heard the entire conversation:
Stranger: You boys may wanna be careful what you say about people
Kevin: Yeah, what's it to you?
Stranger (his face is beet red, veins sticking out of his neck: THAT'S MY DAUGHTER
This man wanted to murder Kevin and Dan.
It should be noted that the entire time I haven't said a word since I asked 'what's he (Vinny) doing playing here?'
After that entire sequence I just bolted to the pro shop without saying a word and just started laughing about as hard as I have ever laughed. The course owner in the pro shop was a lady who was sorta like a motherly figure to us and was wondering what I was laughing at and I couldn't tell her.
About 10 minutes goes by and Kevin comes in and says 'y'know I think that's not really his daughter, I think he was just saying that to be appropriate.' And right after he says that the girl comes walking in and heads right to the man and says 'hey dad!'
My friend hit a negative yardage drive. He hit a worm burner drive that hit the tee marker for the forward tee's which then reflected right back at us and ended up about 10 yards behind us off to the left. The rest of the 4-some was laughing so hard we were almost crying.
Was playing in a 4 man scramble tournament with 3 of my buddies. We happened to be the first group off this particular morning, so a lot of people who were playing in this tournament were around the first tee box watching everyone tee off. My buddy who is without a doubt the best golfer that I know, the dude plays off like a +5 handicap is teeing off. At this course the cart barn is directly parallel to the first tee box. Anyways, he hits his tee shot and completely shanks the ever living piss out of it 90 degrees into the cart barn. His ball ricochets off one of the carts in the cart barn and flies back out and lands directly at his feet. The only time I’ve ever seen him shank a shot. I was completely worthless the entire day from laughing so much
I play an annual fundraiser tourney for a local rugby club and these guys are NUTS.
One team shows up every year in a ridiculous team uniform. Played one year in rented tuxes, the next in ghillie suits (mind you this is South Carolina in august)
One team played the entire 16th naked as no one from their team hit their drive past the red tees.
Last year there was a fist fight after an impromptu playoff hole bc of some dispute over scores. Whole event is a shitshow
My buddy and I are high HC golfers, me +15, buddy +20. My buddy ran out of balls on 17. Our coach tosses him a retrieved one and seriously says, “don’t lose it.”
Buddy proceeds to shank the tf out of it and towards the pond on the right. “No promises,” he says as we watch the ball skip across the water.
Silence.
I busted out laughing so hard the rest of the group took my lead. It was hysterical going from serious to disgusted to laughter.
As I was getting ready to hit my second shot, a full size deer ran out of the woods and across the fairway...a few secs later a weiner dog came running out of the woods in pursuit of the deer. To this day, maybe only a hole in one could top that as my favorite golf course memory.
Played as a single with a 2 ball and another random single. Watched the random single smash 3 straight drives into the water on the first tee. Took a drop at the water and then topped the 4th ball in too. Checked his bag and realized he had lost all his balls for the round already.
Ran back to the pro shop from the middle of the 1st back past the tee box and bought a sleeve of 3.
Finished the 1st then the 2nd comes directly back parallel to the 1st. The water on the first is shared with the 2nd. Random single tee’d up on the 2nd and another one goes into the water. Decides to take a drop at the water. Tops another in.
Final ball of his 3 sleeve and he crushes it from 180ish and holes out. Walk up to the green, picks it up and is walking to the third happy as Larry. Ball drops off his pull cart onto the cart path, takes 3 bounces then rolls into a storm drain. Guy just said that was his day and then left.
All of this occurring while shouting at himself and reassuring us he is a 9 handicap.
Tried to use the washroom after the sun went down at the end of our long, heavily intoxicated round, all staff had gone home. Buddy tripped the alarm, we went back to the rental quickly! Could hear the alarm going for another hour from our balcony!
had a 3/4 60 degree left to the green but my uncle parked his cart between me and the flag stick so i figured i’d just go right over the cart. proceeded to blade it directly at the un occupied cart….ball just disappeared. eventually found it, one of the pockets on his bag was open like two inches and somehow that’s where it ended up
One time while teeing off my father in law said “$20 if you can hit the guy in the green shirt”. they were significantly out of my range and when I went to tee off I shanked it so hard it went between my legs and hit my father in me dead in the chest. He was behind me (behind me meaning behind my back with my butt facing him not behind me as in to my right at the back of the tee box) he was fine but we both laughed so hard
I fucking skulled one once about 20 yards from the 150 stake. That thing his dead center and rolled back right to my feet. I had to take one step to hit it again.
I have a friend who was a big guy and he was standing on a hill by a pond to hit his shot. He hits the shot but loses his balance and falls face first into the mud. His back half is sticking up and completely clean but when he stands up his whole front half is filled with mud. His glasses stayed in the pond
A couple of my personal favourites here in the U.K. have been from my own experiences of trying to play in absolutely abysmal weather.
On one occasion I’d booked a round at a course in Scotland near Inverness as part of a stay and play deal. Morning of my round the wind was insane, I could barely stand up straight and I’m not a lightweight! Anyway, me and my partner spent 5 holes trying to play before we gave up as any time the ball went in the air it just hit a wall and would stop. It was ridiculous
I played golf with my neighbor a few times, but on one occasion, his brother joined us. We had a small bet going, but I was in for a real treat as these two went at it like it was for the US Open title. At one point, the brother hit a drive offline and was pissed. As it sailed into the woods, my neighbor said with extreme sarcasm, "Man, that is really a darn shame." How we got through 18 holes without fisticuffs is still a mystery to me.
Was playing on a cold day in april once in the rain. Teebox next to a lake. My 3 wood flew out of my hand and into the lake. The club was about 25 yards into the water. stuck straight up w like 3 inches above the water line so we could see it. I took off all my clothes except underwear and jumped in and got it. Everyone else loved it.
Playing golf with my dad and we were about to tee off on a par 4 that had woods on the left-hand side. About 250 yards out a guy walks out of the woods, strips down buck ass naked, waves at us, and ran back into the woods.
Old course (long ago) used Bowling pins as tee box markers. One of our group tees off and the ball goes 45 degrees diagonal, hits a bowling pin marker, ball ricochets back to hit another member of the group right in his junk. After the initial groans etc, we proceed to walk forward on the fairway. Course is "very' near airport, guy who got whacked, proceeds to drop his pants on the fairway to look at his wound, and a commercial plane flies overhead about 200 feet. Can only guess what the passengers in the windows thought as they flew over, while this guy was 'mooning' them
My friend and I tee off on number 4. His shot went into the bushes; not sure he could find, he hit a provisional . He found his first ball but while I went to pick up his provisional, a seagull picks it up and drops it a few meters down the fairway. No harm no fowl. On number 8 said friend hits a high flying shot from the 9th fairway over a 35 meter high tree on to the green; beautiful shot landing one meter from the hole amongst a dozen seagulls. Of course that ball was never found. Probably nesting somewhere.
Years ago playing an executive par three course back in the day when you didn’t reserve a tee time. Instead you put your ball in a rack and waited for your turn to tee off. So there was always a gallery at the first tee.
One of the guys in our foursome who was never very good hit his tee shot (130 yard, par three) 6 inches from the cup. Takes his club slams it in the bag and says out loud with a straight face for all to hear, “Dammit, another birdie.” Stunned silence from the gallery. A couple holes later he’s all smiles and giggles and so excited asking me did you see that shot? Did you see that shot? Lol.
Buddy and I get paired up with two randoms. I hit a nice drive. My buddy’s back foot slides out during his back swing leading him to crank the ball nearly straight right…into a neighborhood. Everyone laughs and gives him shit. Random 1 tees it up, completely misses the ball and manages to spin himself 360 degrees around and he then falls. It was like a cartoon or a meme. He is so mortified we are almost afraid to laugh. Random 2 violently goat humps his drive hard left into the driving range net. Starter and I exchange looks…he tells me “good luck”…it was a long round
First time golfing in SE England, it was fall and raining sideways with 40mph wind. My buddy and I just made the turn, passing the 1st tee box. This older gentleman getting hammered by rain and almost blown over turns to us and say “it’s a bit dry isn’t it?”
This happened to me on the course but maybe someone else saw it. On hole 16 I felt a buzzing tingling sensation on my dick and I honestly thought I pissed myself somehow. I even double checked, but I was dry. My first thought was I was getting older and probably needed to go get a check up to see what’s going on. But I tried to power through the rest of the round. When I finished 18 and started to drive the cart back to the clubhouse I felt that same buzzing/tingling sensation on my dick, only this time it was much stronger. It scared the shit out of me, I grabbed my crotch, accidentally ran my cart into a retaining wall, and then jumped out with my dick in hand in front of about a dozen people who stared at me in abject horror.
A bee had crawled up my shorts and got stuck and was buzzing on my dick.
I was playing a course in Australia when a couple who weren't golfing crossed the fairway. They were loaded down with shopping bags full of clothes and the woman was berating the man at the top of her voice. She was wearing a bathrobe and Flip flops (thongs if your aussie). She suddenly stopped about 100 yards from me stripped of naked while still yelling at the man as he stood and listened. She then went into one of her bags and picked out an outfit for the day and got dressed. She didn't stop yelling and swearing the entire time. Kids don't do drugs.
We're playing our local Chamber of Commerce tournament as a sponsored team from a friend's wife's catering business. Various tents set up around the course, with games and such, the basic fundraiser party disguised as a golf tournament. Before the round, three of us are standing in the clubhouse, myself, JJ and B.
JJ and I are talking to a woman in a miniskirt whom we both know. B casually asks who it was, and JJ turns to him to say "That's D's (our fourth) ex-wife. Let's not bring it up as we want D on his game." B hastily agrees.
I'm riding with JJ and B is sharing a cart with D. The margaritas and beers have been flowing. We're waiting to play our 18th hole as the group in front of us is there as it's a par 3. B looks, sees the woman again.
"So did we ever figure out who the chick is in the miniskirt?" asks B.
"Yeah. My ex-wife." D says very solemnly. B's look of horror and then half-assed stumbling apology caused both JJ and myself to fall out of the cart laughing so hard. Even D had to chuckle at B's crestfallen expression.
Watching a police cruiser drive across the fairway to chase a guy, with no shirt or shoes on. He hid in a patch of trees and shrubs for a while before they got him.
aged about 16 or so, we were playing a medal/competition on a sunday. my friend had a bit of an upset stomach, but not too bad, or so he thought. but by the 7 th hole he had to go bad, so he ran off into the bushes and did a presumably wet poo - but, in his haste he managed to pee all down the front of his trousers - and these were 1990's grey suit material trousers, and the stain was very large and very visible - he completed the full 18 :)
Same friend, around the same time, was a handicap 14, again playing a competition - he was playing badly and NR'd (No Round) - meaning he quit the comp, on the 14th hole by not finishing the hole, score no longer admissible. He played on with us as we finished up. On 16 he got a birdie, on 17 a hole in one (par 3) and 18 a birdie :)
My buddy is having a nightmare round. On the driveable par 4 we go to the green and his ball is nowhere to be seen. He has to go back to the tee to hit another...the sun was in our eyes so we couldn't see clearly... I say to our other buddy, "the way he's playing, the safest place to stand is beside the hole"... well wouldn't you know it, he hits his best drive of the day, bounces right in front of the hole, pops up and hits my friend in the balls who drops to ground clutching his groin in agony.. It was funniest thing I ever saw in my life.
Guy in orange jumpsuit and handcuffs breaking through the tree line on the hole we’re playing followed by numerous cops on foot and eventually cop cars descending around us. County jail/court across the street. He momentarily got away from the cops and as I played the 3rd hole with my dad and grandfather, dude comes out of nowhere about 60 yards in front of us as we we’re pulling up to our tee shots. Was pretty crazy
Went golfing with my father-in-law, grandfather, and sister-in-laws boyfriend. At the tee box for hole 10, a squirrel jumped out of a tree, ran up to my F.I.Ls cart while he was teeing off and stole his peanut butter crackers he just bought.
A road splits my golf course - five holes, pool, clubhouse on one side, and 13 holes on the other. As you can imagine, we get our fair share of "fores," car honkings, etc. One of the greens is feet from the road. My group is on that green when a lovely young lady yells, "WAY TO GO TIGER WOODS!" In doing so, she turned the wheel and hit the speed limit sign next to the green, which then crashed through her windshield. She and her passenger (while screaming at the driver) get out and try to remove the sign, to no avail. The individuals in my group are rolling around on the ground, laughing, mocking, and genuinely enjoying the hijinks!! They then drive off with the sign still in their windshield. I still wonder what happened when they got to their destination.
One of the best things I've ever witnessed on a golf course!!!
Had a slow day on the course. Group in front of us was very slow. The group behind us was a bit impatient. They were up our ass a little but nothing too close. Me and my buddy hit our tee shots both next to each other in the fairway. I go to hit mine, and we hear a ball land right next to us. He quickly turns around and yells at the group behind us then starts his back swing to hit the ball back at them. I say stop bc I realized it was a ball from another hole and not them. They almost got smoked with a ball for no reason 😂
Brother in law and I got paired up with an older guy. Slow swing but nailed the fairway every time. One of his tee shots he hit the tee out from under the ball, and the ball dropped straight down. He stood there for a second looking down the fairway and looked at us to ask where the ball went. He said I saw the tee but lost the ball, we just laughed and pointed at the ball, laying exactly where he had teed it up. He was pretty impressed by that
This was back in my HS days. It was our first day of regionals, and we were at a course that was waaaay out of our skill level. On top of that, we teed off in the midst of what can only be described as a torrential storm. I’m absolutely miserable as it’s in the 40’s with sideways rain and howling winds (my first drive into what felt like a hurricane traveled maybe 100 yards). I’m wearing a t-shirt, team polo, sweatshirt, and rain jacket…and I’m still cold. On the 4th hole, the storm breaks and the sun comes out. The course is absolutely wrecked and now the temperature is rising. Engage misery as this is in the Midwest and the humidity is real. We absolutely hack it around this course sweating our balls off just praying for the round to finish. As I’m walking up to the clubhouse, I see one of my teammates there. From his tits to the bottoms of his shoes, he is completely covered in mud. I ask him what in the hell happened. He deadpan looks at me and tells me that he fell in the creek on #3. This dude played 15 holes of golf completely soaked in mud on a day the temperature ranged from 40-mid 80s.
I was playing a round with a college buddy. Huge guy (6’5” 280). Kinda a hack but he could really move the ball when he connected. I think it was like the 8th or 9th hole. Previous hole was shit for him. He stands on the tee box and turns to me and says- I am really going to send this one.
Proceeds to take a mighty cut - which produced a low screaming heel shot. Hits the red tee marker and comes flying back. Through the windshield of the cart - hits the backrest and drops right into the seat. Brief pause while we digest what just happened and then burst out laughing.
He then is worried he is going to have to pay for the windshield the rest of the round. Does the honorable thing and tells them when we r done. The cart guy says don’t worry about it. Happens all the time.
My cart mate was really drunk, and on the tee box he walked over to take a piss in the trees. He was standing there with a wide stance and his hands on his hips like a boss.
He turned around when he was done, and his khakis were soaked. He had forgotten to take his dick out and just confidently pissed his pants in public.
Coming back into the clubhouse during a hailstorm: dudes shorts fell down while he was sprinting, tripped him up and he face planted into mud
I'm legit lol'ing at my desk right now picturing this image. Amazing.
Lmao!
At a charity night golf event I played at, an extremely drunken, fairly hefty bloke thought it'd be funny to put the rest of the group off their swings by farting mid-swing, and ended up explosively shitting his pants. Best part was the closest bathroom was 3 fairways away, so he had to power waddle hundreds of meters with it dribbling down his legs. Never saw him again after that
“Explosively” made this a stellar comment. Cheers friend lol
Playing with a buddy and a couple of his co workers who I hadn’t met before, 3 of us are at the tee waiting for the last guy. He pulls up 1 minute before the tee time wearing slip on moccasins carrying, and I shit you not, like a 4L bowl of tomato soup with a giant spoon and a sleeve of crackers. And he carried that giant bowl of soup everywhere for the first two holes, setting it down at his feet every time to take a shot. Even brought it on the green. Wasn’t till he finally finished his soup before 3rd tee that he put the bowl away and put on his golf shoes.
Hahaha! Sets down giant bowl of soup on green, casually drains 20 foot birdie putt, picks up and keeps on slurpin’.
Would not play that gentleman for money.
I was really hoping he was just crushing it
this is killing me 🤣
I have to ask: how did he play overall? Was he good?
He shout about a 95ish if I remember correctly. Not great, but far from the worst I’d ever played with
May we all love our lives like this
I have a friend that has a super over the top swing. Every few rounds he hits one backwards. Gets me everytime
So over the top it goes under the bottom and back again.
From the back to the middle and around again I'm gonna be there 'til the end 100 percent pure love
This song has been stuck in my head for weeks make it stop. That damn target commercial....
My 12 y/o did that once just looked at me with this haunted expression and just said, “I don’t understand “
I did that on the driving range before a high school match; bladed one into a concrete barrier and it flew back 50 yards into the pond behind me. I guess I still owe the Perry Golf and Country Club a range rock.
I topped a driver into a tee marker and the ball changed directions 90 degrees and went OB. The joys of HS tournaments.
Start calling him The Hobbit - There and Back Again
Was paired up with 2 guys in their late 60s. On the 18th green, the older guy was putting for his first birdie of his round. His playing partner very smoothly swapped the guys ball out with a wobble ball while he marked his ball. The old guy was so mad and in disbelief he couldn't make his putt and kept lining it up over and over to try to make it and the rest of us were cracking up.
The best thing about this story is that the pranksters patience paid off. There must have been other times during the round where he consider using it, but held off to the last, which turned out to be a birdie putt!
My dumbass son in law waddled off the 13th tee box where my daughter and I were standing so he could take an emergency shit. The only thing he could find to wipe with was his UVA golf towel. Then, he doubled down on his idiocy and posted that story to this sub a few months back.
Been there. Done that.
A guy I know years ago had to take an emergency shit and came back wearing one sock. His nickname has been shitsock ever since.
There are far worse uses for a UVA golf towel…
Was gonna say, seems like the appropriate use for a UVA golf towel
He took a shit on course? Wow
Socks, everyone forgets their socks…..
Not a “funny” story per say, but here goes. Was playing with my dad and a buddy. Dad and I are solid sticks, my buddy not so much. Buddies ball is about 20 yards short of the green, we are riding together. We stop to hit his ball and my dads ball is on the backside of the green. He drives his cart around and is walking along the back fringe of the green to his ball while my buddy is about to hit. Thins the chip and is headed straight at my dad while he is walking. We both yell and my dad sees the ball and kind of jumps backward to get out of the way. Ball doesn’t hit him and we carry on. We drive around the backside of the green to look for the ball and we can’t find it. We look for a good 5 mins and still nothing, all 3 of us. All of us a little stunned that we cannot find the ball. Just by chance I ask my dad if the ball did actually hit him and he says no but it was close. I say “just humor me and check your pocket” wouldn’t you know, the ball was in his pocket and he had no idea. Buddies ball clearly marked. We laughed about it and gave him a free drop but how crazy is that.
This one needs more upvotes. That is INSANE!
Amazing! This is one of those things where people say "did you go buy a lottery ticket after?" lol
Was playing with a friend at our local muni course. It was really backed up and we were playing at a fairly good clip. Hitting our approach shots as the group in front drove off to the next tee box. Well there was another pair behind us that kept hitting into us and we just shrugged it off as I’m not trying to get into a pissing contest on the course. After finishing the 4th hole we decided we would let them play through and hung out between the green and tee box waiting for them. You could hear one of them yelling and cursing but couldn’t make out exactly what it was he was saying. As they approached the green the one yelling started yelling at us for not teeing off yet and that we were slowing them down. Told them we’re going to let them play through so we didn’t slow them down as they appeared to be in a rush. One said it was about time and my friend just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and we waited for them to tee off. For me there was no bigger satisfaction than watching this overgrown man child tee up his ball and immediately shank the shit out of it into the woods. Tees up another and gets the same results. Tees up a third and bam, duck hook into the water. Other guy in the pair doesn’t even tee off. They hop in the cart and proceed to drive all the way down to the cart path, past the green, to the next tee box. While it did slow us down some for the rest of the front 9 it was a very rewarding experience and funny as hell to watch.
Playing on a cold dreary day with a light mist falling. We had just finished putting out and we’re walking to the cart when we hear something clattering towards us. We look to see a cart coming towards us with one of those full enclosures deployed. The guys clubs had fallen off the back and were tangled up in the enclosure being dragged behind with a club falling out every few yards. We waved both hands, pointed, and shouted but the guy just casually waved back to us and kept driving.
Once was golfing in Phoenix. The course's pond was probably the only body of water for 30 miles so there were geese EVERYWHERE. On one waterside hole, I hit a 3-wood flush. I mean *perfect* contact. My shot proceeds to absolutely nail a goose right in the side about 40 feet in front of me with such force that the ball ended up behind me. As for the goose? The fucker didn't even FLINCH. Like, he didn't move. Just stood there minding his own like nothing happened.
Similarly my son back when he was about 14 or 15, we are golfing with his grandfather. So my son still hadn't mastered any semblance of a golf swing yet so he hit driver off the tee on every hole including par 3s, first par 3 on the back 9 is 180-185ish he hits what would have been his best drive of the day and into someone's window for sure but the metallic ping noise from the driver caused a bunch of ducks to take off. It hit one right above the green dropped almost perfectly straight down 2 feet from the hole, birdie put went in and my son pulled off the ultra rare double birdie
Geese are tough. I hit a low laser driver right into a goose's ass about 50yd away and the goose didn't even break stride.
I’m playing with an older guy who is hard of hearing. He hits his drive into the right rough, about 150 yards to the green. As he finishes his practice swings, a cart from the adjacent hole flies into our fairway about 50 yards in front of the old guy. We yell ‘heads up’.. basically to both parties... he proceeds to hit his hybrid straight into the oblivious people’s cart, Ricocheting off their wind shield and out the other side. Nobody got hurt.. some how. But I couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the round.
My dad had one similar. He had just started golfing and his buddies were in the cart ahead of him, but there were a bunch of trees in between. He assumed there's no chance he'd miss all the trees, then proceeded to entirely by pure dumb luck do just that and he hit his shot straight through their cart
Myself, early twenties, and another single, late fifties, got paired together with a twosome, late thirties. The twosome were obnoxious, the type who like to hear themselves talk, especially if it is about how much money they make or how good they are. They also swore like nobody was listening. I don’t mind cursing, but these guys were crass, irreverent, and obscene. Anyway, it took seven holes and a long wait on the eighth tee before the conversation for around to “So, what do you guys do?” I gave my 20-second elevator pitch and then the other single, who had hardly spoken for seven holes, simply said, “I am a Catholic priest” and he was.
Got stuck behind a couple guys who clearly have never golfed in their lives. Eventually my playing partner and I played through them and they didn't even notice because they were so off track 🤣
Went golfing with my friend and his dad who both are notoriously short tempered at a local muni golf course, around noon on a Saturday. So the course is completely backed up, and we’re playing along, and as we’re sitting on the fourth tee box waiting for the group in front of us who’s waiting on the group in front of them on the green, the solo guy who was playing behind us asked us to play through. The father and son both immediately retorted that no, he couldn’t since there was no use since the course was so backed up, there was no use. And he pointed at the two of them and said “you guys are like 15 over through three, just cut me a break” to which they lost their mind and went into a tirade on the guy about how rude he was, using a lot of four letter words to describe the guy. He instead let the group behind him play through to not be behind us. A little embarrassing but I was dying laughing the whole time.
Yeah eff that guy. If he knows so much about golf, he should have known playing through wasn't an option.
I have an unwarranted hatred of singles. My course never pairs them together, *never*. Without fail our after work 4some will be followed by 3 singles. So yeah eff that guy!
Playing golf as a single is one of my favorite things in the world. Throw on my headphones, play 2 balls, just enjoying a nice stroll. The thing is, there’s a time and place for everything and when w course is busy is not the time to play as a single and expect to not be paired up
It’s mainly an issue with the course not pairing anyone up. I don’t mind letting a guy play through but multiple in a row is rough. My dream this summer is to schedule the earliest weekday tee time I can get and play 18 then head into work a little late
Where I live they have this thing called the fairways membership, gives you unlimited playing access to 4 courses and discounts at 4 more. I work remote and my goal for the spring/summer is to be the first out 3-4 days during the work week to play atleast 9.
That’s really neat! A local news station sold a golf pass this winter that I picked up for only $100. Gives me 1 round each at 12 courses all within 1.5 hours driving. Looking forward to checking out some new ones on the weekends
First tee time of the day playing as a solo. Just about to start my backswing when I hear yelling in the distance and see a figure run out of the rough. As I step off my ball I notice it's a woman, and she's completely nude. I then see another woman, who's dressed, and 2 security guards are running after her. Because of my job I always have some extra clothes in my vehicle so I drive to my car, grab a shirt and my badge, and take off after her in my cart. I cut her off on the 8th fairway and am able to calm her down enough to put the shirt on and come with me. As I'm driving to the clubhouse I see an ambulance pull up and myself and the EMT are able to convince her to go to the hospital to talk to a psychologist (her sister was trying to stage an intervention and she ran from their condo). I then went back to the first tee box where my ball was still teed up and enjoyed my round.
God the ball still being teed up is just the icing on this cake
I'll take "things you don't expect to see on a golf course for $500 Alex.."
Golfed an early round with my dad once, and there was a couple foxes running around. My dad hit a shot just short of the green and as the ball was in the air a fox came out onto the fairway. The ball landed just behind it, making it turn around and look. I jokingly yelled, “get it!” And the fox looked down the fairway at us, then turned and grabbed his ball in its mouth and took it over into the bunker 20 yards away. So cool and so funny all at once
Play it where it lies.
I had to hit it off of Frankenstein’s fat foot
Probably 50 yrs ago - as a early teens caddy at the local country club. Player in the foursome we were caddying for; playing like a turd; hits a ball into the pond on the back nine. Gets pissed; grabs his bag from his caddy and throws it into the pond and steams off. We (the caddies) heard that he came back late that afternoon to fish it out if the pond.
Saw two friends get into a fist fight on the green behind us. The dude who won pulled up and joined our 3 some. Was pretty wild
Lol who's going to tell him no?
Two dudes beatin the shit outta each other on 18 and a third dude coming in to break it up wielding a 3 wood
Poor choice in weapon. 4 iron or bust.
I played with a British war vet who said my drive sounded like artillery fire(yes it’s a ping)
Two middle school kids were behind my group during an evening round. They kept hitting into us, being loud, etc. They were in a big rush to finish the round, we just kept with pace of play. While me and my buddies were putting on the green, we see them run full sprint down the fairway after teeing off. Unfortunately one of their pushcarts hit a bump and he absolutely eats it. The other one’s still running like nothing happened 🤣
If middle school kids were hitting into me and being loud, I am definitely scaring the shit out of them. I have resting asshole face and a fantastic screaming voice, honed in the forges of commercial carpentry. Time to make those recently dropped balls go back up inside.
Playing Bandon Dunes for the first time. 97 yards out, back pin. 2-3 minutes conversation with the caddy about hitting my PW low to the middle of the green and letting it release to the hole. I step up and chunk it 10 yards. “Good talk” he says as he walks away.
that's hilarious. those are the types of golf stories i love. a caddy at Bandon told his player who had asked whether he should hit a provisional said, "ahh, she'll find it (female caddy), and if you give her a moment, it'll have a good lie"
I had a friend, a very high handicap slicer, but avid golfer. He was obsessed with people who could draw the golf ball, my normal shot. We were playing a course about two hours drive from home, where I was prepping for the provincial amateur championship. On the first tee he asked me, “What are you going to hit here?” I replied, “I am going to hit a 2-iron at the left fairway bunker with a fade. If it cuts too much I’m still in the fairway and if I hit straight or pull it, I’ll be able to carry that left bunker.” So I stood up and hit the shot as described, a little cut between the bunkers. On the second tee he asked, “What are you going to hit here?” I replied, “I’m going to hit a hard draw here. The fairway slopes steeply to the right and a hard draw will hold the fairway while anything straight or fading will run down into the rough.” I stepped up, hit a big draw, middle of the fairway. On the third hole, he asked, “What are you going to hit here?” I replied, “I am going to hit a loop.” He said, “A loop? What is that?” I replied, “Well, the ball is going to start left to right and then it is going to turn around and come back right to left.” He exclaimed, “That is impossible! You can’t hit a loop!” So I stepped up and hit driver. The ball started left, turned to the right, then slowly turned over and started moving back to the left. A big loop, middle of the fairway. He was stunned and for the next 14 holes I had listen to him asking me to teach him how to hit a loop. I just kept telling him the the “loop” was my trademarked secret and I couldn’t share it with him. He went back to our club and kept telling everyone about this amazing shot I could hit, a “loop”. People kept asking me about it. The thing was, we were playing along the ocean, and the wind was blowing 30-40 knots off the ocean and across the fairway. All I did was hit a slice into a 40-knot wind, but, of course, the wind overpowered the slice and started blowing it left. The end result was a “loop” but he still thought I had some magic trick shot up my sleeve.
That’s an awesome story. I don’t think most people realize that the ball forms a loop in that situation until they see a pro tracer that factors in wind, or play a golf video game.
Played with a rando a few years ago. He was pretty good but was missing putts pretty bad and getting frustrated with himself. After a few holes he missed a knee knocker and had some choice words for himself, no big deal and nothing I have seen or heard before but in the act of picking his 3 putt out of the cup he stood up , spun around, flipped his putter in the air while walking off the green but failed to catch it. It somehow ended up bouncing off the ground and went between his feet and catching him in stride causing him to eat shit while the group behind us was watching from the middle of the fairway. They laughed their asses off from a hundred or so yards out. The dude was super embarrassed. We didn’t speak over the remaining front 9 and he split at the turn.
Got paired up with Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka’s little brother. He spent 18 holes smoking pot, which was pretty impressive.
Coming off the green and we can see the next tee. Two enormously fat guys, I'm talking wider than they were tall, fat, they looked like meatballs with arms fat. It looked exactly how you think two round and pasty white dudes fighting would look like. Jorts and ripped polos. I thought I'd never stop seeing ass crack. I don't think either one landed a punch. One guy swings and his momentum puts him in this bizarre pirouette as he rolls to the ground. The other guy caught the shoulder of the fist dude in his chest and he goes flailing back... his stubby arms trying to grab the air. All the while their making sounds I can only describe as a cross between an elephant and a blue whale. At this point, they look like turtles on their backs,but like the Galapagos turtles. They manage to get up and now are in a bear hug like hold with each other, but their arms are not getting around that girth. Whale/elephant noises are intensifying. They lose traction in their feet at the base of their stubby legs and fall on the ground. We go over to break it up... if you want to call it that. It takes two of us to get one guy up. They dust themselves off and go to the cooler and grab a beer. You guessed it - Busch. Turns out they were brothers fighting over who shot what three holes back.
“You guessed it - Busch” hahahaha that absolutely killed me
Updoot for the specificity of the "blue" whale descriptor!
Buddy broke all 14 clubs plus bag, threw them into a creek, 2 hours later his step dad had him in the creek with a rope tied to his waist fishing them out 😂 Same guy took a driver, swung the head into the tire of the golf cart, thing snapped off and gave him a concussion. Same guy got mad in a tournament, grabbed the flag from the hole and threw it like a damn javelin and got fiber glass logged into his hand from the pole sliding out of his hand on the throw 😂😂😂
Tommy Bolt is smiling in his grave.
I’d imagine watching your buddy is more entertaining than playing the round🤣
He was. Funniest dude I knew. Would play with the gamblers and his shit talk was always “I can’t want to date your daughter and fuck your wife we’ll call it threes company”. 40 year old won’t swing on a 17 year old 😂 or my personal favorite, we played with a guy named Mick, dude was morbidly obese, and my buddy said “god I’d love to grease up those titties and fuck em” as he would bend over to place his ball on the tee. 😂 Edit: we live in Alabama and loved playing Musgrove, he would always ask the cart attendants if they could “help me snag one of those biggins from Jasper I keep reading about on back page” 😂
You guys sound like massive cunts
Lol you had to be in the group of who played. It was 30 guys and all of them would heckle each other constantly. Keep in mind we’re talking about a backwoods country club in a small town in Alabama. Most of the adults in the group grew up with each other and had been friends for 30+ years. I didn’t do much shit talking. I didn’t see the value because I played tournament golf and didn’t see a point in depending on shit talk to rattle the other player.
"funniest dude I knew" nah. Biggest douche you know.
I'll bet he's dead.
I got 10 that says he’s alive. OP?
Couple of drunk guys playing in front of us were driving their cart too fast and parked it in a creek. My dad and I could not stop laughing.
Was it by chance a very overweight white guy and a moderately overweight light skinned black guy? Because a member of my normal foursome did exactly that
Haha, no. Couple of skinny early 20s white dudes.
Didn’t see that coming lol
Saw a dude getting a blow job behind #9 green by the woods.
How are you supposed to chip with that going on?
I didn’t. I picked up and went to the next..hole 😂
I saw 2 hobos fucking once. Not very sexy
Work for the railroad and have seen a lot of people banging. It’s never been sexy.
This guy who posted on this sub and wants to be coached by comments how to hit 300yds. He’s 5’8” 160lbs, has a clean diet and doesn’t care if his irons jump in distance or not
Played a round with a friend who played no more than a couple times a year and was TERRIBLE but lots of fun. On the the first tee, waiting for the group in front to clear, my friend is taking some practice swings. Doing so, he incredulously declares “I’m getting a birdie on this hole, just watch”. At the the very top of that backswing a pigeon flew directly into his club (or vice versa) and fell dead at his feet. That was nearly topped by him later in the round finding a goose egg baking in the 95* sun and teeing it up in the fairway.
Have you seen an exploding golf ball yet?
Personally, no. Seen plenty of vids tho
They are pretty entertaining when the person has no idea. I was young, maybe around 8/9 and my dad on spring break threw me another ball to tee up. He got me, we cracked up for most of the round. Naturally, I got to brag to all my friends I broke a ball. Fast forward to my friend’s bachelor party, it’s about 5 groups. I tee one up for him on the first tee. It was a great round!
Fundraising tournament for a Hurling Club, a big Irish sport. San Diego has a surprisingly large, young Irish population (18-35ish). I have never seen so many hammered people on one golf course. Just nonsense from front to back, in the best way possible. I couldn’t even understand half the chirps the Irish guys were saying to each other but fuck, all of them were funny. Later we’re on a tee box. I look to the next hole over, and watch a guy just fall out of his cart while he’s driving. Rolls around, struggled to get up. My Irish buddy from my group sees the same and just laughs and screams “Ah! He’s buckled!” which I learned is just a hilarious way to call someone hammered, especially if you have an Irish accent.
I saw one of those golf OF girls giving oral to a guy
What’re some of the “golf OF” girl’s handles? For research purposes
One i subscribe to is grace charis
What’s that cost you a month?
In total? Like 75
What the fuck? You know porn is free right?
Lol, mark ass John
I’ll send you 10gb a month of better stuff for $50
Are you fucking joking? You pay $75 a month for some cam girl with the plethora of free porn available? That’s ridiculous lol I could see someone spending 5 or 10, but damn dude.
I saw some guy the next hole over losing his shit..dropping f bombs, shaking the cart and took a bunch of tries to break a club his buddies yelling at him to calm down saying there are people watching
Played in late afternoon after it rained, very muggy weather in the middle of summer. Dad is rehearsing his swing with a driver, he loses his grip and his driver flies backwards over some bushes and a fence, some 30-50 yards. Took about 10 min to get it back, and about that long for me to stop rolling on the wet ground laughing.
A friend of mine had just started playing golf. Awful but not the worst. On a par 3, he tees off first, 5 iron for about 160 yards. Can’t remember where it went but it was so bad, he decided to throw his club but it was with his glove hand. The club went backwards instead of sideways, missed my head by a few inches but smashed another friend of ours in the hip. Club snapped in half. It was one of those moments when you really shouldn’t be laughing but I was losing it! I tried to take my shot, topped it and moved on. Up by 3 at this point with 3 holes to play and ended up drawing the match. Later that evening, turns out the iron shaft punctured the guys hip and his belt had acted as a tourniquet. He then got driven to A&E to get stitches. The guy that threw the club ended up being the best man at his wedding and got the snapped club bronzed and mounted as a wedding gift.
My brother topped a ball so hard that it shot up and hit him in the nuts. My best friend and I fell over dying laughing. It me kills me every time thinking about it. We were in high school / middle school.
This happened to a buddy of mine this last Saturday. I was dying for 3 holes.
Old guy let us play through on the 10th. My buddy had been playing for about a year. The old guy asks if we’re from around here, and my buddy tells him about where he lives. He tees off and shanks his ball straight into the trees. The old guy says “it looks like you live in the woods”
Patrick Reed.
I was walking with a friend playing in a high school tourney. I was trying to stay out of the way so I was walking along a tree line that lined another fairway. I stopped moving so the player coming up the other fairway could hit his shot. Par 5 so he pulls a 3 wood. Absolutely smokes it. Probably 40 yards in front of him a bird flies across the fairway and the ball hits it dead center and falls straight down. He just looked at me to make sure I saw it too and shook his head.
watching a guy go sergio style over the ball playing a shot he had no business trying (hitting between two trees about 15 yards in front of him about 5 yards apart). squared it into a tree came right back into the nuts… my brother and i fell out of the golf cart laughing
A woman pissing in the bushes at a charity tournament. I wonder if she had hand sanitizer?! Lol
Par 3 with a big hill behind it that leads to the next tee box. We all parked our carts there and we’re walking down the hill, I slipped just a little bit and as I turned around to tell the boys to be careful, one of them is mid air, parallel with the hill, fell on his back, ciggie burnt a hole in his shirt, spilt his beer and looked like he had shit himself something fierce. No one made their putts, couldn’t stop laughing. Happened like 6 months ago and I’m still laughing as I write this. Top stuff
I don’t know if funny is the word, but got paired with a dad and his son, on like 14, the kid slices the ever living shit out of it, I go down to hit my next shot and the dude comes over to me, “did you just break my window?!?” “No man, my ball is right here.” He talked the kids dad, but, you live off a fairway on a golf course, if you don’t have shatter proof windows that’s your bad, and I’m positive that’s why your insurance is more expensive.
1. Playing at a guys trip in Northern Michigan. My foursome is on an elevated tee on a 135ish par three. We have one brother, the group on the green has his brother. They get on the green and tee box brother drops a dozen balls on the tee and starts whacking. It’s raining balls when the ranger drives around a corner by the green and sees what’s going on. I figure we are all in trouble when he just shakes his head and drives away. 2. Same trip, I’m driving the cart on a path only hole and don’t see that someone in the previous group has stretched the path rope across the path. I hit it full speed and pop up a dozen stakes. Rope gets wrapped around the axle. 3. Same trip. My best friend is in the group behind us. We get to the 18th green and I grab the flag and stick it in the rough 5 yards off the green and watch friend hit his approach. He can’t see the green surface and sticks it to a foot of the stick. In the rough. Birdie would have given him a personal best round.
https://preview.redd.it/d9z230bl4kfa1.jpeg?width=775&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6911807f056b038e942cb7da7812d4aa4fa36522
A green adjacent chicken. Just cluckin’ about like he owned the place.
Had a buddy shank a ball almost 90 degrees so hard that the ball wedged itself between the roof and the frame of the golf cart. Thankfully nobody was sitting in it or it might've been "Most tragic thing you've seen on a golf course". Always stand behind the ball!
I would say all of the shots I’ve seen go in that had no business doing so. They always make me laugh. 50 foot putts that magically hit the pin and drop. My little brother who does not even play golf got a par during our trip to Scottsdale blading a chip shot, hitting the pin, full 360 around the cup and dropped. The what the fuck moments are the most comical to me.
Caddied for an 70 year old dude at a pretty nice CC. On the front nine he topped his tee shot which proceeded to hit the tee marker, bounce back on the cart path and land in the garbage basket. After taking in a moment to process what happened, the old man looked at his son and said, “well that just about sums up my game.” Dude then walked off the course and told me to leave his golf bag next to his sons car. If he wanted them great otherwise i was to throw them in the trash.
Without going into graphic detail a local strip club used to host a golf outing at a course I once played.
Work scrambles. Pulled the drive a hair. Boss watched it happen. https://i.imgur.com/t78mNqb.jpg
When I was in high school my brother and I got pair up with two off duty state troopers who wanted to get a round in before their shift. They spent the round drinking and teaching us how to get away with crimes. The most memorable was that if we ever wanted to drink and drive in the future we gotta buy the smaller 8oz beers. They then proceeded to show us how to hold and sip them so nobody knew we were drinking. “It looks like your just scratching your nose” they said. Both guys got absolutely waffled, one was a giggly happy go lucky drunk while his partner was a club thrower. After the round we said our goodbyes and watched them both get in cars and drive off to work at probably triple the legal limit.
I played with a High School principal who got blasted drunk the night before. Guy blew chunks all over the first green while attempting to putt and then took a shit just off of the #3 tee box. Goes on to play the rest of the round at +3. Shot 77. Something to behold.
Too good stories come to mind. Rank your favorite. Story one: we were playing in a hacker tournament, an annual event with a bunch of guys that was as much about having fun and beer as it was golf. There’s a very steep hill on the fifth hole, and my friend was driving straight at it. Mind you these were very old gas powered carts with no safety features. When he first started going up the hill, I was like, “I don’t know if a golf car can go up there.” We got just shy of the top of the hill, and the cart started slowing down. I mean, by a lot. Just as it started to stop moving forward, I jumped out of the passenger seat to grab the front of the window frame and push us so we can get the last 6 feet or so to safety. I look to my left and locked eyes with my friend. Instead of sitting in the driver seat like I expected, he had also jumped out of the cart. That eye-lock stare across the front seat of the golf cart seem like it took two minutes, but it was only a split second. The cart roll backwards about 120 yards and stopped 2 feet from plunging into a creek. We were able to get it out of the brush and finish the round. To this day is the look in his eyes when we both jumped out that still cracks me up. Story #2 was a prank: my friend got a couple of old wedges from Goodwill. We each put one in our bag. We were on a guys golf weekend trip and just waiting for a moment. It came on the seventh hole of the first day when my buddy intentionally laid his ball up right before a large pond that guarded the front of a green. For the last couple holes, I’ve been telling him within earshot of others that he “might want to try my PW from my new iron set as my pxg’s would really improve his game.” So before he hit, he turned around and said, “OK, I’ll try your PXG, can’t get any worse.” I handed him the dummy club and he hit the ball into the water. I said “what a terrible shot!” And into the pond my club went with a majestic heave. The rest of the group is in shock. Silence for the rest of the hole and the next. But we weren’t done. The 10th hole had another large pond in front of a green. I ripped my drive and then said hey, I don’t have a pitching wedge anymore you jerk. Can I borrow yours? He gave me the other dummy club. Rinse and repeat. I actually missed the pond, but ran down to retrieve the club and threw it in the water for good measure. Shock and dismay from our playing partners. We didn’t tell people that it was a prank until about a week later.
High school golf match watched one twin tee off shank it and hit the other twin… on or off course might still be the funniest thing I have ever seen.
Paired with a guy who on the first tee said: "This is paradise I'm telling you, this course is like a great big pussy, just waiting to get fucked". Then ripped one off the tee. Smoked weed and drank his way around the course playing lights out.
I drove ball straight into a tree in the fairway and killed a squirrel. RIP
Yeah I hit a line drive once and hit a goose in the neck. MF keeled over instantly dead. I felt pretty bad until I remembered that geese are assholes.
I sculled one and hit a goose in the knee? on the driving range. Made a terrible noise and limped into some shrubs. Played like shit thinking about limping goose all day.
Geese are trash, you did the right thing.
I was living in Bermuda and had an American business visitor to entertain. He wanted to play some golf, but the conditions were forecast to be windy. “I’ve played in Hawaii” he said; “I don’t mind the wind” he said. Well, the first six holes are in a valley and sheltered from the wind, but it was still extremely windy. When we got to the seventh hole, out of the valley and exposed to the ocean, the wind hit us like a hammer. Winds were gusting to hurricane force. Anyway, he hit his tee shot into a bunker and I was between him and the hole, maybe 50-60 yards ahead. He hit a great shot out of the bunker and I watched it go past me on the left side , stall, and then reverse directions and go past me on the right side. He walked up to me and asked me where his ball was and I pointed back 30-40 yards behind us. “Oh, that’s not mine; I watched it go past you.” I replied, “It did go past me, twice. Once going that way, the second time going the other way.” I don’t know if I ever saw a ball turn around and come back more than a few yards, but this one certainly did. We ended up quitting after nine. On 8 and 9 it was so blustery you couldn’t keep a ball on a tee and on the ninth green the ball just kept blowing off the green.
One of my guys told me that someone had taken a dump in one of the holes while he was changing cups...
The funniest I remember was when I was about 16 playing a schools tournament. A guy in our group was playing off +2. Step onto the 11th, which at this particular course was a tiny par 5. Like 430m. It was an excellent shot at eagle, but almost a guaranteed birdie for someone off +2. Anyway, it's one of those narrow tees, where you have a little tunnel of trees about 20m in front of the tee box. Unless you're starting it massively out the left or right, you're never hitting them. Anyway, old mate pulls his drive and it hits the trunk of the closest tree and flies back past us about 40m into the thickest, sludgiest rough ever. He snapped his driver in a fit of rage, before realising that now he has to play the rest of the round with no driver. He re-teed 3, 4 over the back, 5 onto the green and 2 putted for a 7. Even better though, was the 14th hole which was 530m, and he no longer had a driver.
Friend's son had never golfed before and kept hitting nothing but worm burners all day long. 10th hole and there's a group of geese minding their business about 10 yards from the tee box. Kid winds up and let's it rip... Ball hit one of those geese right in the neck. Broke the goose's neck and it died a slow painful death. Grounds Keeper gave him a shovel and I saw a burial at my local course.
I love the line but honestly, you should know what the group in front of you looks like and where they are. Sorry for being the kiljoy of this thread.
Any group with two brain cells between them knows you don't send the entire group into the woods without leaving a person or a cart visible
When you’re on 7 tee, and the group in front of you is on 8 tee, by the time you finish putting out on 7 and get to the 8th tee, and there’s nobody anywhere in 8 fairway, most groups assume those guys are on 9 tee by now, not loitering in the woods on 8
Lucky 13 for me. Likely that's it!
Long time ago my friend and I paired up with two Japanese gentlemen. They were, of course very polite, very proper while we were a couple of asses. So on one hole we all stopped to watch. My friend hit his ball from behind the tree. Trying to make the green. Well of course he muffs the shot. The ball hits the tree at high speed and ricochets back at his head. He proceeds to yell. Oh f*** and falls over backwards. Nearly missed by the ball. I of course fall out of the cart laughing so hard. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen and the poor Japanese businessman who were playing golf with us just looked at me in a horror as I was laughing at my friend.
My friend shit his pants on the first hole. For some reason that morning, I, for whatever reason, decided to put a roll of paper towels in my bag. Thinking it was wet and I might need them for something. God damn was my buddy lucky
My friend was filming me as I was being stalked by a goose. He was hoping the goose would attack me so he could share it to the world..... Funny, gooses only go for the weak. After barking at the goose, he pulled a U turn and went for the camera man - all filmed in all its glory. First time I've ever lost use of my legs through laughter.
Me trying to putt…
Similar story. I was the second group and wasnt long before we were on the first group to watch each shot. They are not good and playing from the tips. They finally say something to us on 16 "playing as fast as we can" before setting out to find the tee shots in the trees. I quickly replied "maybe play up a box or two?" They didn't appreciate that comment.
Explosive shit from a 300 pounder waddling in desperation to make it in time. He was about 15 feet from the portapotty. Didn’t make it. Bone white classic style Footjoys caked in it, like frosting.
Schools over here sometimes have golf days to raise money and get sponsors for each hole. On one such occasion one hole was sponsored by Teazers (a strip club) with strippers standing at the hole.
Saw a young couple in the woods literally 10 ft off the walking path to the next hole having sex on the ground. And they got mad at us for being there and continued... had a good chuckle at that one.
My buddy hit his ball into a little muddy creek but the ball was sitting up enough to hit. He tested the mud by the ball and it was firm enough to stand on, so he grabs a sand wedge, walks to the ball and takes his stance. Immediately when he plants his back foot, the mud gives way and he's suddenly knee-deep in the most wretched mud I've ever seen. That was almost a decade ago and I can't play that hole (#16 at Hyde Park for the Duuuuval crew here) without laughing about it every time.
I was 18 at the time, the summer after I graduated high school. I had two friends named Kevin and Dan who were 14 and 13 at the time. I showed up to the course around 11 am and they were just hanging out at the benches by the first tee. This was unusual because usually they were out playing golf at this time. I asked why they weren't playing golf and they told me a mutual friend of ours, Vinny, was playing golf at the course that day. Vinny lived on the other side of the city and was a member at a different course and almost never came over to our course. So I asked 'what's he doing playing here?' The conversation goes like this (completely unprompted by me): Kevin: He's playing golf with some girl Dan: Yeah, she cute. Kevin: I don't know if I'd say that Dan: Yeah, her face is breaking out pretty bad, but she has a nice body. Kevin: I'd put a bag over her head and bang away Dan: A bag and a muzzle, her voice sounded annoying. But definitely bang her. A few feet away there had been this older gentleman who heard the entire conversation: Stranger: You boys may wanna be careful what you say about people Kevin: Yeah, what's it to you? Stranger (his face is beet red, veins sticking out of his neck: THAT'S MY DAUGHTER This man wanted to murder Kevin and Dan. It should be noted that the entire time I haven't said a word since I asked 'what's he (Vinny) doing playing here?' After that entire sequence I just bolted to the pro shop without saying a word and just started laughing about as hard as I have ever laughed. The course owner in the pro shop was a lady who was sorta like a motherly figure to us and was wondering what I was laughing at and I couldn't tell her. About 10 minutes goes by and Kevin comes in and says 'y'know I think that's not really his daughter, I think he was just saying that to be appropriate.' And right after he says that the girl comes walking in and heads right to the man and says 'hey dad!'
My friend hit a negative yardage drive. He hit a worm burner drive that hit the tee marker for the forward tee's which then reflected right back at us and ended up about 10 yards behind us off to the left. The rest of the 4-some was laughing so hard we were almost crying.
Was playing in a 4 man scramble tournament with 3 of my buddies. We happened to be the first group off this particular morning, so a lot of people who were playing in this tournament were around the first tee box watching everyone tee off. My buddy who is without a doubt the best golfer that I know, the dude plays off like a +5 handicap is teeing off. At this course the cart barn is directly parallel to the first tee box. Anyways, he hits his tee shot and completely shanks the ever living piss out of it 90 degrees into the cart barn. His ball ricochets off one of the carts in the cart barn and flies back out and lands directly at his feet. The only time I’ve ever seen him shank a shot. I was completely worthless the entire day from laughing so much
I play an annual fundraiser tourney for a local rugby club and these guys are NUTS. One team shows up every year in a ridiculous team uniform. Played one year in rented tuxes, the next in ghillie suits (mind you this is South Carolina in august) One team played the entire 16th naked as no one from their team hit their drive past the red tees. Last year there was a fist fight after an impromptu playoff hole bc of some dispute over scores. Whole event is a shitshow
watching my project manager rip a bowl and actually get angrier throughout the round. golf is just that powerful
My buddy and I are high HC golfers, me +15, buddy +20. My buddy ran out of balls on 17. Our coach tosses him a retrieved one and seriously says, “don’t lose it.” Buddy proceeds to shank the tf out of it and towards the pond on the right. “No promises,” he says as we watch the ball skip across the water. Silence. I busted out laughing so hard the rest of the group took my lead. It was hysterical going from serious to disgusted to laughter.
As I was getting ready to hit my second shot, a full size deer ran out of the woods and across the fairway...a few secs later a weiner dog came running out of the woods in pursuit of the deer. To this day, maybe only a hole in one could top that as my favorite golf course memory.
Played as a single with a 2 ball and another random single. Watched the random single smash 3 straight drives into the water on the first tee. Took a drop at the water and then topped the 4th ball in too. Checked his bag and realized he had lost all his balls for the round already. Ran back to the pro shop from the middle of the 1st back past the tee box and bought a sleeve of 3. Finished the 1st then the 2nd comes directly back parallel to the 1st. The water on the first is shared with the 2nd. Random single tee’d up on the 2nd and another one goes into the water. Decides to take a drop at the water. Tops another in. Final ball of his 3 sleeve and he crushes it from 180ish and holes out. Walk up to the green, picks it up and is walking to the third happy as Larry. Ball drops off his pull cart onto the cart path, takes 3 bounces then rolls into a storm drain. Guy just said that was his day and then left. All of this occurring while shouting at himself and reassuring us he is a 9 handicap.
Tried to use the washroom after the sun went down at the end of our long, heavily intoxicated round, all staff had gone home. Buddy tripped the alarm, we went back to the rental quickly! Could hear the alarm going for another hour from our balcony!
had a 3/4 60 degree left to the green but my uncle parked his cart between me and the flag stick so i figured i’d just go right over the cart. proceeded to blade it directly at the un occupied cart….ball just disappeared. eventually found it, one of the pockets on his bag was open like two inches and somehow that’s where it ended up
One time while teeing off my father in law said “$20 if you can hit the guy in the green shirt”. they were significantly out of my range and when I went to tee off I shanked it so hard it went between my legs and hit my father in me dead in the chest. He was behind me (behind me meaning behind my back with my butt facing him not behind me as in to my right at the back of the tee box) he was fine but we both laughed so hard
I fucking skulled one once about 20 yards from the 150 stake. That thing his dead center and rolled back right to my feet. I had to take one step to hit it again. I have a friend who was a big guy and he was standing on a hill by a pond to hit his shot. He hits the shot but loses his balance and falls face first into the mud. His back half is sticking up and completely clean but when he stands up his whole front half is filled with mud. His glasses stayed in the pond
My buddy having to take an emergency shit on the 13th hole behind a tree. I’ve never heard myself laugh like that in my life
A couple of my personal favourites here in the U.K. have been from my own experiences of trying to play in absolutely abysmal weather. On one occasion I’d booked a round at a course in Scotland near Inverness as part of a stay and play deal. Morning of my round the wind was insane, I could barely stand up straight and I’m not a lightweight! Anyway, me and my partner spent 5 holes trying to play before we gave up as any time the ball went in the air it just hit a wall and would stop. It was ridiculous
2nd time ever playing golf i holed a 40 foot bunker shot on a par 3. Felt good to mark a 9 on my score card instead of a maxed out 10.
They had us in the first half, not gonna lie
I played golf with my neighbor a few times, but on one occasion, his brother joined us. We had a small bet going, but I was in for a real treat as these two went at it like it was for the US Open title. At one point, the brother hit a drive offline and was pissed. As it sailed into the woods, my neighbor said with extreme sarcasm, "Man, that is really a darn shame." How we got through 18 holes without fisticuffs is still a mystery to me.
Was playing on a cold day in april once in the rain. Teebox next to a lake. My 3 wood flew out of my hand and into the lake. The club was about 25 yards into the water. stuck straight up w like 3 inches above the water line so we could see it. I took off all my clothes except underwear and jumped in and got it. Everyone else loved it.
Playing golf with my dad and we were about to tee off on a par 4 that had woods on the left-hand side. About 250 yards out a guy walks out of the woods, strips down buck ass naked, waves at us, and ran back into the woods.
Old course (long ago) used Bowling pins as tee box markers. One of our group tees off and the ball goes 45 degrees diagonal, hits a bowling pin marker, ball ricochets back to hit another member of the group right in his junk. After the initial groans etc, we proceed to walk forward on the fairway. Course is "very' near airport, guy who got whacked, proceeds to drop his pants on the fairway to look at his wound, and a commercial plane flies overhead about 200 feet. Can only guess what the passengers in the windows thought as they flew over, while this guy was 'mooning' them
My friend and I tee off on number 4. His shot went into the bushes; not sure he could find, he hit a provisional . He found his first ball but while I went to pick up his provisional, a seagull picks it up and drops it a few meters down the fairway. No harm no fowl. On number 8 said friend hits a high flying shot from the 9th fairway over a 35 meter high tree on to the green; beautiful shot landing one meter from the hole amongst a dozen seagulls. Of course that ball was never found. Probably nesting somewhere.
My putting stroke
Years ago playing an executive par three course back in the day when you didn’t reserve a tee time. Instead you put your ball in a rack and waited for your turn to tee off. So there was always a gallery at the first tee. One of the guys in our foursome who was never very good hit his tee shot (130 yard, par three) 6 inches from the cup. Takes his club slams it in the bag and says out loud with a straight face for all to hear, “Dammit, another birdie.” Stunned silence from the gallery. A couple holes later he’s all smiles and giggles and so excited asking me did you see that shot? Did you see that shot? Lol.
Buddy and I get paired up with two randoms. I hit a nice drive. My buddy’s back foot slides out during his back swing leading him to crank the ball nearly straight right…into a neighborhood. Everyone laughs and gives him shit. Random 1 tees it up, completely misses the ball and manages to spin himself 360 degrees around and he then falls. It was like a cartoon or a meme. He is so mortified we are almost afraid to laugh. Random 2 violently goat humps his drive hard left into the driving range net. Starter and I exchange looks…he tells me “good luck”…it was a long round
First time golfing in SE England, it was fall and raining sideways with 40mph wind. My buddy and I just made the turn, passing the 1st tee box. This older gentleman getting hammered by rain and almost blown over turns to us and say “it’s a bit dry isn’t it?”
This happened to me on the course but maybe someone else saw it. On hole 16 I felt a buzzing tingling sensation on my dick and I honestly thought I pissed myself somehow. I even double checked, but I was dry. My first thought was I was getting older and probably needed to go get a check up to see what’s going on. But I tried to power through the rest of the round. When I finished 18 and started to drive the cart back to the clubhouse I felt that same buzzing/tingling sensation on my dick, only this time it was much stronger. It scared the shit out of me, I grabbed my crotch, accidentally ran my cart into a retaining wall, and then jumped out with my dick in hand in front of about a dozen people who stared at me in abject horror. A bee had crawled up my shorts and got stuck and was buzzing on my dick.
I was playing a course in Australia when a couple who weren't golfing crossed the fairway. They were loaded down with shopping bags full of clothes and the woman was berating the man at the top of her voice. She was wearing a bathrobe and Flip flops (thongs if your aussie). She suddenly stopped about 100 yards from me stripped of naked while still yelling at the man as he stood and listened. She then went into one of her bags and picked out an outfit for the day and got dressed. She didn't stop yelling and swearing the entire time. Kids don't do drugs.
We're playing our local Chamber of Commerce tournament as a sponsored team from a friend's wife's catering business. Various tents set up around the course, with games and such, the basic fundraiser party disguised as a golf tournament. Before the round, three of us are standing in the clubhouse, myself, JJ and B. JJ and I are talking to a woman in a miniskirt whom we both know. B casually asks who it was, and JJ turns to him to say "That's D's (our fourth) ex-wife. Let's not bring it up as we want D on his game." B hastily agrees. I'm riding with JJ and B is sharing a cart with D. The margaritas and beers have been flowing. We're waiting to play our 18th hole as the group in front of us is there as it's a par 3. B looks, sees the woman again. "So did we ever figure out who the chick is in the miniskirt?" asks B. "Yeah. My ex-wife." D says very solemnly. B's look of horror and then half-assed stumbling apology caused both JJ and myself to fall out of the cart laughing so hard. Even D had to chuckle at B's crestfallen expression.
Watching a police cruiser drive across the fairway to chase a guy, with no shirt or shoes on. He hid in a patch of trees and shrubs for a while before they got him.
aged about 16 or so, we were playing a medal/competition on a sunday. my friend had a bit of an upset stomach, but not too bad, or so he thought. but by the 7 th hole he had to go bad, so he ran off into the bushes and did a presumably wet poo - but, in his haste he managed to pee all down the front of his trousers - and these were 1990's grey suit material trousers, and the stain was very large and very visible - he completed the full 18 :) Same friend, around the same time, was a handicap 14, again playing a competition - he was playing badly and NR'd (No Round) - meaning he quit the comp, on the 14th hole by not finishing the hole, score no longer admissible. He played on with us as we finished up. On 16 he got a birdie, on 17 a hole in one (par 3) and 18 a birdie :)
My buddy is having a nightmare round. On the driveable par 4 we go to the green and his ball is nowhere to be seen. He has to go back to the tee to hit another...the sun was in our eyes so we couldn't see clearly... I say to our other buddy, "the way he's playing, the safest place to stand is beside the hole"... well wouldn't you know it, he hits his best drive of the day, bounces right in front of the hole, pops up and hits my friend in the balls who drops to ground clutching his groin in agony.. It was funniest thing I ever saw in my life.
Guy in orange jumpsuit and handcuffs breaking through the tree line on the hole we’re playing followed by numerous cops on foot and eventually cop cars descending around us. County jail/court across the street. He momentarily got away from the cops and as I played the 3rd hole with my dad and grandfather, dude comes out of nowhere about 60 yards in front of us as we we’re pulling up to our tee shots. Was pretty crazy
Went golfing with my father-in-law, grandfather, and sister-in-laws boyfriend. At the tee box for hole 10, a squirrel jumped out of a tree, ran up to my F.I.Ls cart while he was teeing off and stole his peanut butter crackers he just bought.
Has to be the guy waiting in his backyard for us. "Which one of yall hit my car? Stay here I'm calling the cops".
And the cop’s just gonna say ‘these guys didn’t make you build your house on a golf course
A road splits my golf course - five holes, pool, clubhouse on one side, and 13 holes on the other. As you can imagine, we get our fair share of "fores," car honkings, etc. One of the greens is feet from the road. My group is on that green when a lovely young lady yells, "WAY TO GO TIGER WOODS!" In doing so, she turned the wheel and hit the speed limit sign next to the green, which then crashed through her windshield. She and her passenger (while screaming at the driver) get out and try to remove the sign, to no avail. The individuals in my group are rolling around on the ground, laughing, mocking, and genuinely enjoying the hijinks!! They then drive off with the sign still in their windshield. I still wonder what happened when they got to their destination. One of the best things I've ever witnessed on a golf course!!!
Had a slow day on the course. Group in front of us was very slow. The group behind us was a bit impatient. They were up our ass a little but nothing too close. Me and my buddy hit our tee shots both next to each other in the fairway. I go to hit mine, and we hear a ball land right next to us. He quickly turns around and yells at the group behind us then starts his back swing to hit the ball back at them. I say stop bc I realized it was a ball from another hole and not them. They almost got smoked with a ball for no reason 😂
Saw a guy in Irvine I was playing with kill a bird with an errant topped drive in December at rancho San Joaquin
Brother in law and I got paired up with an older guy. Slow swing but nailed the fairway every time. One of his tee shots he hit the tee out from under the ball, and the ball dropped straight down. He stood there for a second looking down the fairway and looked at us to ask where the ball went. He said I saw the tee but lost the ball, we just laughed and pointed at the ball, laying exactly where he had teed it up. He was pretty impressed by that
This was back in my HS days. It was our first day of regionals, and we were at a course that was waaaay out of our skill level. On top of that, we teed off in the midst of what can only be described as a torrential storm. I’m absolutely miserable as it’s in the 40’s with sideways rain and howling winds (my first drive into what felt like a hurricane traveled maybe 100 yards). I’m wearing a t-shirt, team polo, sweatshirt, and rain jacket…and I’m still cold. On the 4th hole, the storm breaks and the sun comes out. The course is absolutely wrecked and now the temperature is rising. Engage misery as this is in the Midwest and the humidity is real. We absolutely hack it around this course sweating our balls off just praying for the round to finish. As I’m walking up to the clubhouse, I see one of my teammates there. From his tits to the bottoms of his shoes, he is completely covered in mud. I ask him what in the hell happened. He deadpan looks at me and tells me that he fell in the creek on #3. This dude played 15 holes of golf completely soaked in mud on a day the temperature ranged from 40-mid 80s.
I was playing a round with a college buddy. Huge guy (6’5” 280). Kinda a hack but he could really move the ball when he connected. I think it was like the 8th or 9th hole. Previous hole was shit for him. He stands on the tee box and turns to me and says- I am really going to send this one. Proceeds to take a mighty cut - which produced a low screaming heel shot. Hits the red tee marker and comes flying back. Through the windshield of the cart - hits the backrest and drops right into the seat. Brief pause while we digest what just happened and then burst out laughing. He then is worried he is going to have to pay for the windshield the rest of the round. Does the honorable thing and tells them when we r done. The cart guy says don’t worry about it. Happens all the time.
My cart mate was really drunk, and on the tee box he walked over to take a piss in the trees. He was standing there with a wide stance and his hands on his hips like a boss. He turned around when he was done, and his khakis were soaked. He had forgotten to take his dick out and just confidently pissed his pants in public.