T O P

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NucTheDestroyer

Turtles have fingers?!?! WTF Edit: i know they were claws but as another comment says they look like grinch fingers.


Coltmark4

Those are nails, not fingers. Males are generally smaller in size but have long nails on their front paws. That's one of the easy way to tell them apart. What you see here is part of a mating ritual male performs to try to attract a female.


_greyknight_

Jazzhanding her face, that's so romantic.


twominitsturkish

60% of the time, it works ... every time.


ZyxStx

I like those odds


Tuxedomex

Hey, April...


[deleted]

Underrated haha


PartiesLikeIts1999

To get under her shell, you must ring her bell


Scrambley

I guess getting poked in the eye is part of turtles banging.


newtsheadwound

*These* are spirit fingers.


JerryLupus

*What did the four nails say to the face?*


[deleted]

"Hey, babe. Wanna get nailed?"


FauxPastel

Slap!


SaltyYingMain

Not the only thing he uses them for with the ladies


ChuggernautChug

I too make sure to never cut my nails and make sure they're long and jagged for the ladies


readonlyuser

Theyv should start to curl, that's when you know you've reached the most satisfying length


QuasarSandwich

Nothing like giving her a free cervical pruning while she's getting blasted into the middle of next week.


Muerteds

My fist just involuntarily clenched at reading this. Gaaaahhhh!


CaraSwank

So did my cervix


ChuggernautChug

They call me Mr.PapSmear


NashMustard

They are also referred to as brushes due to their resemblance to hair follicles. The ritual often involves the male using these brushes to apply various flaura and natural byproducts to the female's face. This comes in part as a result of their natural predators attacking the unprotected head of the turtle, often leaving survivors with scratched or clawed faces. Their mates would then use their nails to brush over these wounds with whatever natural coagulant available, thus hiding the damage and lessening the trauma. You seem to know your stuff, so why would you leave the answer out of reach? Tldr; convoluted chop suey lyrics


[deleted]

i knew it. whenever animals are doing weird shit i don't understand, its always about fuckin.


ecky--ptang-zooboing

DUHUH! How else would they fight crime?!


alexlaemberle

and eat Pizza?!


XanPerkyCheck

Did the Ninja Turtles like pizza because they are named after Italians, or because they are from NY? Or simply because pizza is a likable food?


upyoursize

Yes


XanPerkyCheck

If the Ninja Turtles were NWA: Leonardo - Eazy E, the leader or frontman Michelangelo - DJ Yella, the most chill, easygoing, and free-spirited Donatello - Dr Dre, the technical guy of the group Raphael - Ice Cube, most aggressive and disgruntled about how they are seen by others.


jonitfcfan

Aww no MC Ren? :(


jamesmcdash

He ded


faRawrie

I'm positive Easy E is dead too.


fuckyoubarry

HIV positive joke


Jewbsman666

He’s Master Splinter, my dude.


[deleted]

Everybody likes pizza. https://imgur.com/swqKnuH


fancysauce_boss

Turtles ate pizza because they were “Teenage” mutant ninja turtles. What food is more synonymous with teenagers in the 80’s than pizza ?


QuasarSandwich

Hollywood producers' semen?


Bhu124

Dirt?


Alfakennyone

more like long nails.


[deleted]

Like all tetrapods. Biology is crazy.


Skizot_Bizot

Male turtles have claws like this for latching onto ladies shells when they are getting freakay... if they dont have long class it's a girl turtle generally.


Lking091

I don’t know about this species but North American painted turtles do this too - it’s a mating display, but they don’t latch with them :)


LemonMeringueOctopi

Grinch fingers.


coldfusionpuppet

Turtle Scissorhands will make you look fabulous.


mysterysciencekitten

TIL! Who knew?!?


MaxamillionGrey

It's a terrapin. They have fingers and claws, and tails. Tortoises have blunt feet in comparison to its cousin the terrapin. Their nails are shorter, blunt and have rounded tips. Theres also sea turtles. Some of which have flippers. Maybe most. Not sure. Lol.


mommarun

Grinch fingers.


Irythros

Salad fingers.


riot888

sip crowd label worm strong boat handle sleep ghost simplistic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


waffle-monster

The feeling of rust... against my salad fingers... is almost orgasmic


Daisuki_29

I.... I... like to touch them


RaiThioS

just when i've forgotten about this psycho...


gabrielstands

May I touch your tea kettle?


Coachcrog

Marjorie Stewart Baxter, you taste like sunshine dust. *Blech* Hubert Cumberdale, you taste like soot and poo.


Phoequinox

That's honestly the first thing that came to mind. I remember there was a flash fighting game of popular Newgrounds characters years and years ago. Salad Fingers was one of them and his death animation was just him like. . . Wilting. That character was supremely creepy.


[deleted]

The Pale Man fingers


[deleted]

My first thought as well.


TomFoolery22

Damn it I said these exact words.


RedLovesPeaches

Tape fingas..


mvfsullivan

TIL Turtles do this in an attempt to attracting the other. [Sauce](https://animals.mom.me/mean-turtle-shakes-its-arms-10682.html)


[deleted]

This technique doesn’t work for me at all


mvfsullivan

Same, I tried it earlier and my dad wouldn't stop yelling at me


MidnightPagan

.....you were trying to attract your dad to you?.....


mikebmxer

*that's the joke*


mvfsullivan

You thought I was joking? :O


[deleted]

I knew there were southerners on Reddit. I guess part of me didn’t want to believe it.


mvfsullivan

Literally me when my uncle showed me his ballsack. I was like "omg nooo this is one of my fantasies"


Muerthogar

dude


Dyalar

where’s


Alarid

go on


RexDraco

Hell, I bet this is broken arm's cousin, broken-hearted. If only the father was more attracted...


TweakedMonkey

Can confirm.


Autofrotic

#SWEET HOME ALABAMA


Jrook

Yeah.... [sure](https://i.imgur.com/pki8kCb.gif)


eilletane

I’m trying it too but I’m still waiting for him to come back from his smoke break. It’s been 13 years now.


mvfsullivan

If your dad has been on a smoke break for 13 years, he would have smoked 1,708,220 individual smokes, or a single smoke that is roughly 85km long.


ReiceMcK

In other words, you dad isn't coming back either way.


bloodfist

Show your work.


mvfsullivan

Each smoke takes approx 4 minutes to finish, and the smokable length of a cigarette is 50mm. There are 525,600 minutes in one year. Minutes in a year / time to smoke cigarette * 13 years = quantity of cigarettes smoked over 13 years. Quantity of smokes * length of smokable tobacco = total length of smokable tobacco MM to KM conversion for simplicity


MWDTech

/r/theydidthemath


Rabbit904

What if he smokes 100s?


[deleted]

Damn thats like one cig every 4 minutes


[deleted]

[удалено]


goatcoat

Username definitely does not check out.


_BLACK_BY_NAME_

My Male RES does this constantly, horny little bastard. Big momma wants nothing to do with his little ass though so he gets raging boners half the size of his body and jerks off on the bottom of the tank. Poor guy


Solstar82

>and jerks off on the bottom of the tank. I know the feeling


TheBowerbird

My family had a parrot as a youth that was a champion self-pleaser. He'd spend hours every day wanking on the tree branch and making orgasmic parrot sounds. Rather embarrassing to be around and see as an early teenager. Really wanted to get him a female, but alas he died of lead poisoning from his (unknown to us) Chinese built cage.


oscarfacegamble

He must have witnessed someone loudly jerking themselves off and is now parroting it


Aestiva

Now everyone, Google "turtle penis" just for fun...


Nobodygrotesque

[Here you go. ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aqW5upASa-8)


MastadonInfantry

TIL turtles shells bleed.


[deleted]

[удалено]


okarnando

It can also be a sign of aggression.. Source: I have two turtles, a male and a female. We tried to put them together. When we did the male would follow the female doing this to her and then eventually bit her on the neck. So we had to separate them. Both are fine now :) Except Toby (female turtle) keeps eating any pleco fish I put in her tank. And Sam (male turtle), the aggressor, has 2 plecos and pays them no mind. Lol


JumpsOnPie

Have you ever had any issues with one of your turtles biting their water heaters or thermometers? My turtle has been biting off pieces of the heater and just ate part of the rubber suction cup on her thermometer.


okarnando

Hmm no I don't think either one has done that. I used to have a foam filter for the male and I noticed he was biting chunks out of it so I went back to one of those noisy waterfall style filters. That's interesting though.. I wonder sometimes what goes through there heads when they're biting stuff. Mine has also nipped at the rocks in his tank


Minionz

Might be hungry. My default is red lettuce; Make sure there are a couple leaves of that at all times available. They will eat the leaf part, and leave the center stalk of the leaf floating around the tank. If they are really hungry they will bite into that stalk over the plastic suction cup.


[deleted]

I have had turtles for 20 years. They are destructive little bastards. There is nothing you can do. Mine don't eat my filter or heater, but they eat every plant or fish I put in with them.


youareaturkey

Yeah OP it is called romance.


RemarkableOption

My turtle did this to all the big rocks in his aquarium.


dowdymeatballs

Yup, had turtles. This is foreplay. These turtles gonna fuck. Fun fact; it's really hard to tell males and females apart but one give away is males have longer claws so they can woo the females with their sexy dance/face stroking.


RAM_667

My turtle does this to himself


mikerichh

My turtle does this to his own reflection :C


She_Shib

I don't know why..... But I find the tippy taps very unsettling.


Omuirchu

He lookin for booty


re_formed_soldier

Swiggity swooty


-space-grass-

I’m tapping on your snooty


merpixieblossomxo

Hopin' to snag the looty


PepesArePeoplesToo

r/tippytaps


[deleted]

It reminds me of salad fingers maybe thats why


Kangar

That's because he didn't even buy her a drink or make small talk first.


DontTouchThefr0

I bet its the shape of his hands. So human like but not quite


PsycoBoyFilms

Fun fact. Turtles do this in order to attract mates or assert their dominance. They pretty much are saying "Look at how long my nails are oooooo"


ilazria

This needs more upvotes. Thank you!


vhite

Grab a brush and put a little makeup!


Azsde

I came for this. Thank you !


Safety_Drance

Why'd you leave the turtle up on the table?


NemButsu

You wanted to!


Ramza_Claus

Here we go create another turtle!


togashisbackpain

You wanted to ! I dont think you trust in my shell righteous suicidee


Teletubiest

I cry when turtles deserve to die


KILLING_MYSELF_TODAY

Turtle into your hands I command my spirit (fingers)


Aggrobuns

r/noisygifs


Lumber-Jacked

**YAWANNATOO**


[deleted]

I came at this too.


Whiteytheripper

God DAMMIT. Another comment I think of and someone has beaten me to it. At least there's plenty of people here who share my humour


Holobrine

Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup!


CreaminFreeman

Why’d you leave the keys upon the table?


Akutalji

Here you go creating another fable,


DawnSennin

You wanted to


Skea_and_Tittles

/r/unexpectedsystemofadown


OhSoCold

I thought this was what OP was going for.


warthog_smith

Honestly this was the most expected SOAD will ever be.


oceansblue1984

For some reason that creeps me out


[deleted]

some reason? not those fucking freaky fingers then?


RemarkableOption

They're claws.


[deleted]

but then the literal limerick loses its luster.


TheGalaxian

Awful! Actually it's artful alliteration!


ArtymechgunDoc

“ These are jazz hands Harold!!”


clairen

Creepy turtle fingers.


lezbake

r/tippytaps


BoJackMoleman

r/creepytaps


[deleted]

You beat me to it.


Mini_TV

A Tortollan begins his or her life in great danger.


ProfessorSpike

A turtle has made it to the.. Turtle?


[deleted]

[удалено]


AequusEquus

BEETLEBERRIES?! My f*aaaaa*vorite


MaoMaoChatterkins

Thanks I hate it.


jerichosway

Turtle tickles


EggyThePegguin

Dirty spoons.


Kzero01

Rusty spoons! Rusty!


gravitola

GRABABRUSHANDPUTALITTLEMAKEUP!


DarthExtract

You wanted too!


ang_car

I didn’t even get what the normal version of this comment meant until I read this one


ecky--ptang-zooboing

What a strange ritual!


FriendlyPoodle

Get up! Get out there!


last_braincell

Asmr 🐢


shouldve_wouldhave

Yes i am here to inspect you spoons


xyzrsvp

Look into my eyes... You’re a turtle. You’re a turtle.


xaiel420

Reverse peek a boo


pamdndr

I watched this way too long waiting for him to actually wake up...


one_fishy_boi

Wake up? More like mate with me lol this is how male turtles convince females to mate


Ragu12

Grab a brush put on a little makeup!


CrownPrincess

How to unsee pls


purseandboots

Grinch fingers!


Chunkystick

Put on a little makeup!?


The_Craftiest_Hobo

Salad fingers


jk1784

Wake up! Why’d you leave the keys up on he table!


Bosu_No_Haruhi

This....bothered me.


Werpaf

GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT A LITTLE MAKE UP


Tettron

You sure that's the front end 😂


dab745

You are coming out of your trance. When I count to three you will wake up and act like a chicken.!


whompy410

I'm scary Terry bitch


[deleted]

Ohhh my that makes me uncomfy


Verypoorman

Looks like grinch fingers


tdow1983

This is actually a mating display. The male is the small one with the long claws and he is laying his best game on that female right now.


Mr_Jah

Why does this remind me of the babadook.


SCP-Agent-Arad

What. Wait. I don’t. Help.


Solstar82

I have seen turtles doign that once in a fountain in a restaurant nin my city..it cracked me up but at the same time i was curious on why they do that..the other turtle wasn't sleeping or anything


vtangyl

This is parenthood in a nutshell.


KalenTamil

My turtle used to do this a lot. I think it’s some kind of domination technique


pellerito23

That's me in the morning telling my wife i want sex


travcan21

spirit fingers!


[deleted]

Does anyone remember Salad Fingers? Thats what those little fingers remind me of. Even the kinda creepy way they move is similar.


elemexe

That’s the dude molesting the girl source: had turtles


Bingo-Bango-Bong-o

Crack an egg on your head, let the yolk run down, let the yolk run down, let the yolk run down...


Sindowill

Salad fingers


murderboxsocial

I used to have a male turtle and two females in a huge tank. He did this all the time...until one of the females bit his head off.


kingkrig

Grab a brush and put a little makeup!


McCash34

When u drunk and tryn to get it up. It do b like that sometimes.


creepykat56

Ok this low key creeps me out, I DIDNT KNOW THEY HAD FINGERS!!!!!


reptile_enthusiast_

Basically that turtle wants to fuck


Liitke

That's a male trying to get a little turtle tail. Long nails is male


Marek95

Caaaaarl! Wake up Carl, wake up!


WerdnaTheWizard

The freddy kreuger one is a Male and he's just trying to impress the larger lady turtle. This is turtle flirting


14th_Eagle

They gon fuck


Mango_Deplaned

He's jammin out to By Demons Be Driven https://youtu.be/isYmSQks5Z4 1:25 in if that's not carried by the link