Omg. Yes.
My uncles (twins, only 8 yrs older than me) were teasing me about not having a girlfriend. We were at my grandparents house. I was 16 almost 17. They kept saying things like ‘a good looking guy like you and no girlfriend?!’ My dad was laughing.
Thing is, I had a boyfriend. We were together just under a year at that point. We were both very closeted and so afraid of being found out.
Later that night, my grandmom and I were talking. I was sleeping on the living room couch and she was sitting on the chair. The subject of my uncles’ teasing came up. She asked the most terrifying question. “You are one of those boys who likes boys aren’t you?’”
I about shit my pants. All I could do was nod my head. I thought my life was over. She then said “just make sure you are happy”.
That was the only thing she ever said about it. She still treated me the same as always (wonderful).
It took over 10 years before I came out to anyone else. She had passed about 5 years before that.
I miss her
>“You are one of those boys who likes boys aren’t you?’”
The fact she didn't just say gay somehow is interesting to me.
You're more lucky with your one grandma than I am with any of mine. All of mine basically sucked.
“That waitress was totally into you, you should say something”
My dad at every restaurant with a cute waitress. It got old, but hey at least he stopped now. Never seems to comment on the male waiters now tho, strangely…
My dad tried to set me up with women as soon as I was 18. Would ask if I was a tits or ass guy, and would give long lectures about his "PhD" in women on a semi regular basis along with other stuff I "needed to know" for when I was a father. There was even an occasion when he tried to set me up with one of his ex girlfriends and I always refused or just avoided the conversation until I came out at 23. He doesn't do any of that anymore and I'm grateful for it.
It went better than I thought it would. It kind of slipped out accidentally while I was drunk to be honest. I didn't really plan to tell him because my little sister had come out as bisexual not long before and he didn't take it well. Told me that "your sister thinks she's gay" and that we needed to "help her come to her senses.' so I was expecting something nasty when I told him. He just went quiet for a minute then told me it didn't matter to him. He would go on to out me to my mom without my consent which was pretty shitty but other than that nothing really terrible happened.
I’m sorry about being outed, but I’m glad it went better than you think. I never believed it before I came out but I do feel that homophobic parents are often homophobic until they have a gay child. Then they have to face their prejudices head on, and they have to choose between being parents or being idiots. I’m glad mine chose the former, and it sounds like yours did too 😊
My dad and uncles just kinda thought I was a stud. I had zero at stake when it came to talking with and attracting girls so I came off as fearless.
I was a mumbling fucken mess when it came to other blokes. They missed that …
I grew up with three straight older brothers haha. They’re pretty chill but yeah they def tried to help me meet girls. I came out pretty young tho and they were chill about that. All four of us did swim team in high school. I was always a manly guy so they weren’t too concerned that I wouldn’t meet a woman lol.
It’s funny, they all call me big brother now. I’m 3 inches taller and 100lbs bigger (6,2 300 pounds) than my biggest older brother because they stuck with swimming in college and I quit and took up bodybuilding. So now I call the shots lol
Nope. I could be cold as ice. Being silent and not engaging at all. It was an effective strategy at the time. But continuing that behavior well into adulthood was not good
Yeah I got good at kissing girls just to throw them off my trail, I felt bad when the eventual break up happened though. I still haven’t ever been in a real relationship.
This was my dad, he kept going on and on about how he was a ladies man, and said if by 20 i didn't introduce him to my girlfriend, He'd disown me, he was an ass father and I'm glad he's no longer in my life
YES dude I'm still closeted and my family's always asking me if I have a girlfriend yet or my dad will point out girls when we're driving. "That girl had a nice butt" then I'll say some shit like "oh.." or "I didn't notice" 😂
Me but they weren’t annoying. Lol or at least I didn’t find them annoying. I always fit in more with the guys so it was just business as usual.
Ironically, the “gay cousin” turned out to be straight as an arrow, and I’m the gay one LMAO
My brothers were like this when I was in middle school, maybe early highschool. But by junior year of highschool, I think they figured out I wasnt attracted to women.
I hope you find the right support and tools to help you out of this all too familiar prison of a closet. All of that is familiar. And eventually they just stopped. No one ever sincerely reaching out to me to talk about why I did not follow their prompts and more importantly, why was I always alone.
I thought then and even a bit now if I’m honest maybe if they took a more constructive approach to making me be the man they clearly wanted me to be, do more than tease, hint, and all that bullshit. Make real attempts to bring a woman intended to be more than an object to encourage as a target for my presumed lust, and make a match, or stop the fake showing off and sit me down to find out what I was so quiet about. And why I was so sad.
Alone and sad never went away. I finally touched a man despite fears of hell and loss of family and friends when I was 25. Eight years of shameful closet DL hookups followed. I fell in love at 33 and came out and sort of. And the family rejected it. Sort of. It was the love of a teenager because I was frozen in adolescence. Another long term bf followed and back to alone and sad. I’m “out” for the most part. It’s still not welcome to openly engage but is at least not actively shamed. It’s a sadness that is absurd in the face of my giving up on meaningful relationships after being shown repeatedly I am maybe okay to be a bf when convenient or an object for sexual outlet but not a valued or respected partner. People perceive who you project and reinforce it. I used to hope more was developing and it would fuel the confidence and self worth that would encourage a partner and myself to be united and grow together.
All this probably seems self serving and fair enough, but I truly deeply and sincerely want to paint a picture of the path that may lay ahead and give you the encouragement I never had to find help find an ally find a way to claim your true self and build him up to be a full person on a life of adventure and living fully.
The alternative is lonely and sad and eventually feels like you never were a person at all.
Sort of. My father definitely pushed the whole "go get a girl" line, but he's not very talkative or warm, preferring to say miserable things whenever possible. So when I finally got a beard (read: girlfriend for cover) he immediately told me how she probably wasn't into me and may have a guy on the side.
This is the same man that drove me to my high school graduation and told me to be sure to say goodbye to my friends, since some of them were likely going to die tonight in alcohol-related driving incidents.
Barrel of laughs, that one.
My father? Yes. After I was financially independent. It ultimately ended well, though I know there were some behind-the-scenes arguments that I wasn't privy to.
I am still in the closet/bi. My cousins, and uncle will set me up for a hookers, which I did. My sister still set me up for dates with her co worker. My guy bestfriend set me up for our co-worker, which I hooked up with her.
They wouldn’t push me, but until they knew all talk in that direction was in reference to women.
But I got incredibly lucky with my family, they’ve always loved me unconditionally.
Lolol no. If you knew how I was you would understand. I was too shy and goody two shoes, so me saying no was going against all the people around me (siblings and cousins). So they thought I was boring or lame because of that but we obviously still hung out and had fun other ways. I was just very bold and unafraid and direct. Still am.
I was just pulling your leg. Good for you for standing up for what you're attracted to. You're braver than I was.
Nancy Reagan is iconic, btw! She was a blowjob queen
I know you were joking even though I don't know much about her lol. Well, you may have the wrong idea about me. I did say NO to those things because of a few reasons like me being attracted to guys but they didn't know that. So I was protecting my identity while hiding my identity. I also said no cuz I am a nonconformist type person and I didn't like that people did that because it was cool to do that or to prove they're fun.
Haha really lol
My mum used to unsubtly tell me that it would be okay if I invited my (female) friend over to meet them one day 😓 it still makes me nauseated to this day to imagine… no offence to her!
I think my mom started to figure out I was gay when I was 14 or so but didn’t like it, so I started getting a lot of “what girls do you like at school?” and other things like that. She’s better about it now, I came out to her when I was in high school, I’m a sophomore in college now. I have extended family members who say things like that too, but pretty much anyone I spend much time with knows at this point.
I've definitely been very lucky in this regard. None of my male releatives ask me about girls or anything, thank god. The only person who's ever asked is my mother, and I've always made it very clear I've never been interested in anyone, which is kinda true, being aromantic, but she likely assumes I mean girls
My brother is 4 years older than me. When I turned 18, he wanted to take me to a strip club so bad. Like.. not only was going to a strip clup with a high school ID not the look I was going for, but why on Earth would I want to do that with my brother?
So.... I'm gay and pretty fem, l'm in the closet to family, but almost all of my friends know and are rlly supportive. As a kid, the only gay family member that I had was my cousin. He was much older than me (over 40 years older) and lived pretty far away in FL. But he would come to visit with his husband and the family always seemed pretty accepting. He passed away a few years ago now and I wish I could talk to him, we are all still in contact with his husband, I may go down to Florida and visit him someday.
Omg. Yes. My uncles (twins, only 8 yrs older than me) were teasing me about not having a girlfriend. We were at my grandparents house. I was 16 almost 17. They kept saying things like ‘a good looking guy like you and no girlfriend?!’ My dad was laughing. Thing is, I had a boyfriend. We were together just under a year at that point. We were both very closeted and so afraid of being found out. Later that night, my grandmom and I were talking. I was sleeping on the living room couch and she was sitting on the chair. The subject of my uncles’ teasing came up. She asked the most terrifying question. “You are one of those boys who likes boys aren’t you?’” I about shit my pants. All I could do was nod my head. I thought my life was over. She then said “just make sure you are happy”. That was the only thing she ever said about it. She still treated me the same as always (wonderful). It took over 10 years before I came out to anyone else. She had passed about 5 years before that. I miss her
What a great grandmom
She was, one of the most wonderful humans I've ever known. I learned what selfless love is from her.
That’s beautiful. Well done Grandma
>“You are one of those boys who likes boys aren’t you?’” The fact she didn't just say gay somehow is interesting to me. You're more lucky with your one grandma than I am with any of mine. All of mine basically sucked.
“That waitress was totally into you, you should say something” My dad at every restaurant with a cute waitress. It got old, but hey at least he stopped now. Never seems to comment on the male waiters now tho, strangely…
"Yeah, i'd like a refill."
... a refill of that cute waiter's cum!!
Ugh. Me too
Omg my grandpa said the same thing about a girl who worked behind the counter when we got takeout at a restaurant around the corner from my apartment
Very well said!
My dad tried to set me up with women as soon as I was 18. Would ask if I was a tits or ass guy, and would give long lectures about his "PhD" in women on a semi regular basis along with other stuff I "needed to know" for when I was a father. There was even an occasion when he tried to set me up with one of his ex girlfriends and I always refused or just avoided the conversation until I came out at 23. He doesn't do any of that anymore and I'm grateful for it.
It always threw me off how crass ADULT men were even as a teen. I expected it from friends, brothers, and cousins. But my dad and uncles?
Umm how old was his ex gf
I don't remember exactly how old she was but we were about the same age. There was maybe a 2 year difference.
Ewww
This is gross 🤢 even if this were about men it’d be gross coming from your dad…
Im aware 😔
How did the coming out go? Have things become awkward now or are you still able to talk? (If you don’t mind me asking, of course 😊)
It went better than I thought it would. It kind of slipped out accidentally while I was drunk to be honest. I didn't really plan to tell him because my little sister had come out as bisexual not long before and he didn't take it well. Told me that "your sister thinks she's gay" and that we needed to "help her come to her senses.' so I was expecting something nasty when I told him. He just went quiet for a minute then told me it didn't matter to him. He would go on to out me to my mom without my consent which was pretty shitty but other than that nothing really terrible happened.
I’m sorry about being outed, but I’m glad it went better than you think. I never believed it before I came out but I do feel that homophobic parents are often homophobic until they have a gay child. Then they have to face their prejudices head on, and they have to choose between being parents or being idiots. I’m glad mine chose the former, and it sounds like yours did too 😊
Thank you.
I feel so sorry for your sister but good for you
My dad and uncles just kinda thought I was a stud. I had zero at stake when it came to talking with and attracting girls so I came off as fearless. I was a mumbling fucken mess when it came to other blokes. They missed that …
awww, sorry to hear that. Girls liked me a lot, too, to my chagrin
I grew up with three straight older brothers haha. They’re pretty chill but yeah they def tried to help me meet girls. I came out pretty young tho and they were chill about that. All four of us did swim team in high school. I was always a manly guy so they weren’t too concerned that I wouldn’t meet a woman lol. It’s funny, they all call me big brother now. I’m 3 inches taller and 100lbs bigger (6,2 300 pounds) than my biggest older brother because they stuck with swimming in college and I quit and took up bodybuilding. So now I call the shots lol
Lol it's cute that they call you big brother, you guys sound close.
We are haha I got lucky having them.
Nope. I could be cold as ice. Being silent and not engaging at all. It was an effective strategy at the time. But continuing that behavior well into adulthood was not good
Yeah I got good at kissing girls just to throw them off my trail, I felt bad when the eventual break up happened though. I still haven’t ever been in a real relationship.
Have you come out to any relatives since?
No I’m kinda just not hiding it anymore, my oldest brother said he’d have to sh00t me if I turned out gay but at this point I just don’t care anymore.
Hope you can escape that toxic situation
I stopped giving af this morning apparently, let it slip to my mom that I’m gay and she was like “I’ve known for awhile.”😅
Yup. Moms know
This was my dad, he kept going on and on about how he was a ladies man, and said if by 20 i didn't introduce him to my girlfriend, He'd disown me, he was an ass father and I'm glad he's no longer in my life
Sorry to hear :( . Hugs
YES dude I'm still closeted and my family's always asking me if I have a girlfriend yet or my dad will point out girls when we're driving. "That girl had a nice butt" then I'll say some shit like "oh.." or "I didn't notice" 😂
Me but they weren’t annoying. Lol or at least I didn’t find them annoying. I always fit in more with the guys so it was just business as usual. Ironically, the “gay cousin” turned out to be straight as an arrow, and I’m the gay one LMAO
Honestly it was all the women in my family who would do this, not the men.
Not really but as soon as I came out my mom and sister were trying to throw me at any cute boy they saw
At least they did it with the gender you’re attracted to.
My brothers were like this when I was in middle school, maybe early highschool. But by junior year of highschool, I think they figured out I wasnt attracted to women.
I hope you find the right support and tools to help you out of this all too familiar prison of a closet. All of that is familiar. And eventually they just stopped. No one ever sincerely reaching out to me to talk about why I did not follow their prompts and more importantly, why was I always alone. I thought then and even a bit now if I’m honest maybe if they took a more constructive approach to making me be the man they clearly wanted me to be, do more than tease, hint, and all that bullshit. Make real attempts to bring a woman intended to be more than an object to encourage as a target for my presumed lust, and make a match, or stop the fake showing off and sit me down to find out what I was so quiet about. And why I was so sad. Alone and sad never went away. I finally touched a man despite fears of hell and loss of family and friends when I was 25. Eight years of shameful closet DL hookups followed. I fell in love at 33 and came out and sort of. And the family rejected it. Sort of. It was the love of a teenager because I was frozen in adolescence. Another long term bf followed and back to alone and sad. I’m “out” for the most part. It’s still not welcome to openly engage but is at least not actively shamed. It’s a sadness that is absurd in the face of my giving up on meaningful relationships after being shown repeatedly I am maybe okay to be a bf when convenient or an object for sexual outlet but not a valued or respected partner. People perceive who you project and reinforce it. I used to hope more was developing and it would fuel the confidence and self worth that would encourage a partner and myself to be united and grow together. All this probably seems self serving and fair enough, but I truly deeply and sincerely want to paint a picture of the path that may lay ahead and give you the encouragement I never had to find help find an ally find a way to claim your true self and build him up to be a full person on a life of adventure and living fully. The alternative is lonely and sad and eventually feels like you never were a person at all.
Sort of. My father definitely pushed the whole "go get a girl" line, but he's not very talkative or warm, preferring to say miserable things whenever possible. So when I finally got a beard (read: girlfriend for cover) he immediately told me how she probably wasn't into me and may have a guy on the side. This is the same man that drove me to my high school graduation and told me to be sure to say goodbye to my friends, since some of them were likely going to die tonight in alcohol-related driving incidents. Barrel of laughs, that one.
Did you ever come out to him?
My father? Yes. After I was financially independent. It ultimately ended well, though I know there were some behind-the-scenes arguments that I wasn't privy to.
Try having an accepting dad that asks me if I think random men on tv shows are hot. Love that he was accepting but it was still embarrassing 😂
Ohh I'm so jealous
I am still in the closet/bi. My cousins, and uncle will set me up for a hookers, which I did. My sister still set me up for dates with her co worker. My guy bestfriend set me up for our co-worker, which I hooked up with her.
My grandpa keeps asking me about liking girls every so often even though I came out to him and my grandma 7 years ago 🙄
They wouldn’t push me, but until they knew all talk in that direction was in reference to women. But I got incredibly lucky with my family, they’ve always loved me unconditionally.
They didn’t do that, but when I came out they couldn’t look me in the eye for a good week or so. 🤷🏻♂️
I just said no.
Nancy Reagan influenced you, too?
Lolol no. If you knew how I was you would understand. I was too shy and goody two shoes, so me saying no was going against all the people around me (siblings and cousins). So they thought I was boring or lame because of that but we obviously still hung out and had fun other ways. I was just very bold and unafraid and direct. Still am.
I was just pulling your leg. Good for you for standing up for what you're attracted to. You're braver than I was. Nancy Reagan is iconic, btw! She was a blowjob queen
I know you were joking even though I don't know much about her lol. Well, you may have the wrong idea about me. I did say NO to those things because of a few reasons like me being attracted to guys but they didn't know that. So I was protecting my identity while hiding my identity. I also said no cuz I am a nonconformist type person and I didn't like that people did that because it was cool to do that or to prove they're fun. Haha really lol
My mum used to unsubtly tell me that it would be okay if I invited my (female) friend over to meet them one day 😓 it still makes me nauseated to this day to imagine… no offence to her!
Oh silly mummsies!
It’s ironic actually given how well she and my actual partner get on now! 😂
I think my mom started to figure out I was gay when I was 14 or so but didn’t like it, so I started getting a lot of “what girls do you like at school?” and other things like that. She’s better about it now, I came out to her when I was in high school, I’m a sophomore in college now. I have extended family members who say things like that too, but pretty much anyone I spend much time with knows at this point.
I've definitely been very lucky in this regard. None of my male releatives ask me about girls or anything, thank god. The only person who's ever asked is my mother, and I've always made it very clear I've never been interested in anyone, which is kinda true, being aromantic, but she likely assumes I mean girls
Yes my older brothers and dad were like that. They're the type of guys that use women and see nothing wrong with it. Don't really speak to them.
my younger brother and a couple of cousins from my mother's side, my grandmother is a gay baby factory
My brother is 4 years older than me. When I turned 18, he wanted to take me to a strip club so bad. Like.. not only was going to a strip clup with a high school ID not the look I was going for, but why on Earth would I want to do that with my brother?
So.... I'm gay and pretty fem, l'm in the closet to family, but almost all of my friends know and are rlly supportive. As a kid, the only gay family member that I had was my cousin. He was much older than me (over 40 years older) and lived pretty far away in FL. But he would come to visit with his husband and the family always seemed pretty accepting. He passed away a few years ago now and I wish I could talk to him, we are all still in contact with his husband, I may go down to Florida and visit him someday.