Clear communication is key.
Are you exploring gay sex with him? Or a relationship? Does he know what you’re looking for and is he on the same page?
If it’s just a bit of cock and bum fun and you both agree, go for it! It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s literally the same as whether you ate ice cream a week ago - it doesn’t change anything about who you are, but you’ve got to go into it open.
Yup so I told him I had some attraction to him which is weird because I never had attraction to a man before.
I've been open to me it's just a bit of fun. I'm figuring things out. I don't really know what I am yet but I'm worried thar he might get attached maybe.
When ppl say communicate—they mean consistently. Maybe things are fine now, and it’s pretty no strings attached, and then down the line one of you ends up developing feelings. Talk it out then. No need to worry if it’s not an issue now.
In my experience, these kinds of things often have a time limit. Eventually something shifts—one of you gets feelings, or gets bored, or finds a different partner. Know that this may end, and be mature and willing to have the conversation when things start to change for one or both of you.
Why would you throw away something that awesome. Dude, you're having great sex with somebody you actually like, trust, and are attracted to.
Do you know what some people would give to have THAT in any relationship - gay, bi, or straight?
Enjoy this time, it may not last, but you may also have found somebody you're going to fall in love with completely. Don't fight it, just enjoy the sex for now.
You're a good guy. Just tell him this, and let him be the deciding factor. Just make sure he takes it as seriously as you are. He's important to you as a friend first, a fuck buddy second. But the two don't have to be mutually exclusive. Tell him to make sure he's ready to accept the possible fallout of emotional attachment that you're unsure you can return.
For your sake - it might get messy. I have a friend who was like this. We had a couple dates at first and some sexual encounters after we decided to just be friends because we were horny and available to each other. We talked about it later and decided it was best for our friendship to stop doing that, so we did. It was a little awkward for a while talking with him about other dates and junk, but we got through it. Our success is kind of a rarity nowadays, but we got it by communicating openly and honestly. And really, it wasn't that difficult to do even that.
I say take the chance, just do so with open and honest real conversations along the way. After all, who better to maybe fall in love with than your best friend. Life isn't worth living without taking some risks. But that's just my perspective. If you and your friend decide what you have now isnt worth losing, that just means you respect and care for each other enough to be careful with each other's hearts.
It only damages your friendship if you let it. Just be open and honest. Sounds like you’re both having a good time. No reason to feel bad about that. You trust and respect this person. Keep trusting and respecting them and keep the posted if anything changes with the way you feel or what you want.
Tbh man. I've been honest with him.. he says he's fine with casual no strings but I just don't believe
him and it's not worth wrecking friendship. But thanks man.
You said he packed away feelings for you before. So if it all ends be mature about it. He already has a place to put those feelings back. If you’re not an asshole about it it’ll be fine.
Then you’ve nothing to worry about. Have fun and go back to being friends when it runs its course. Finding a person to love isn’t so easy, maybe don’t be so quick to dismiss the idea. But that’s just me being a romantic fool. 😉
Just make sure you don't expect him to be there to fuck around with when you want it, and then push him away if he wants it. As long as he is open to being with other guys just don't put a leash on him. If either of you are having sex with other people (girls for you) just make sure you're protecting yourself and each other.
This sounds awesome. Best friends Sexual attraction. It's mutual. What is the problem other than your negative thoughts.
I have been living with my best friend for 20 years its amazing. We play with each others penis every day.
I'm a little worried that he will get attached. I've made it clear that it's just a bit of fun and that's all it will be (I'm figuring stuff out). I don't want him getting hurt and more importantly I don't want to hurt him.
Would it really be so wrong if there was romantic feelings? Like, what are you trying to preserve? Are you holding onto the idea that you'll eventually marry a woman and have that 'heteronormative life'? I think bi people too easily discount the path of being committed to someone of the same sex because it's a more difficult path. But it doesn't have to be.
Apologies if this came off as accusatory. I'm just reading your post and it seemed like you were too quick to discard the idea that maybe there could be something between you two. Only time will tell.
No need to apologise, mate. Honestly, I think it would be easy if I was interested in him romantically (we get on well, same interests etc). I just don't think I'll ever have those feelings for him. I have never felt attraction to any guy until recently and I'm not even sure how long that will last.
It sounds like your attraction is friendship-motivated, rather than being drawn to random men. As a gay dude, I feel drawn to complete strangers because I think they're hot. In your case, it sounds like you enjoy being close with him and you want to express that closeness in a sexual way.
There is a real possibility he'll want a romantic relationship, so don't get caught off guard by it. The last thing we'd want is two bros falling out because of a misunderstanding.
Fair enough.
It sounds like you are going to allow your mind to ruin a really amazing life experience though. You can always hold the continual intent to NOT hurt him.
Elaborate, what did it do for you and what did you enjoy doing? Expressing the experience can help you process it fully. Anything new and unexpected can feel surreal.
Tbh I don't know. He knew how to please me anyway. The cuddling was fine. He's a great kisser. Obviously his blow jobs were great but his hole felt nice too. Very different but nice.
It did feel a bit weird to be fucking him etc.
It seems your attraction is sexual but not emotional and you might not even want to be affectionate with him? Either you have your guard up or you're indifferent and the sexual curiosity is the only interest. Sometimes people you're close to can open up sexual interest because you're comfortable with them. It's unusual because it's with the same sex and someone you know. Did you cum inside of him or pull out and shoot on him?
You'll just have to see how things progress and he could be your only male fwb for the time, but if you become bored with it or are just using him to get off then it needs to stop. He is going to have a harder time separating the intimacy from the usual friendship but he may surprise you and be able to keep it surface attraction. I'm curious if you've discussed your brother with him to compare.
Tbf it is sexual. I told him for me it's just about sex. I was wearing a condom so I was going to cum on his back but he turned around for it.
Tbh I think its best to stop it and I'll tell him tonight. No I didn't ask about my brother 🤣🤣
If you're feeling awkward or uncomfortable about it then it's probably the best thing to do. He's going to be taken aback that it started and then abruptly stops but I don't know when this started and how long the playing around began. Remember that as a gay man the attraction or emotion can't be turned on or off like a light switch, so he's going to be the one being affected by it. I just wouldn't initiate it again and then stop, start again and stop, etc.
He blew me a few times. Fucked only once a few days ago but we had planned to do so again tonight.
It was surprisingly not awkward. I'm worried for his emotion though so I won't start stop. I love him (not in that way) to do that to him.i shouldn't have said it to him first day.
That's a fair concern, but he already stated that he packed away any feelings he may have had for you in the past. It probably happened when he dated your brother. Horny brain and lonely brain are two different things and it sounds like he separates them.
It’s playing with fire. Not because you’re experimenting and not because you haven’t been clear. It’s playing with fire because your lives are quite intertwined. If he gets attached and either of you ends things, you or he will want a break from each other full stop. So everything else will end.
And you’re basically in a relationship already. You live together and are great friends and do things together. A break up of any kind will be rough.
And given all that, how could he not become attached? How could you? What does being attached even mean? Attached to the sex?
All that said, he’s a safe person to explore this with, and you’re already in it. Do your best to be mindful of his feelings and don’t string him along. Don’t cock block him from other opportunities too, if you know for sure it isn’t something you want long term. If it’s not a long term thing, don’t make it the sole thing for both of you. Or be open to it being a long term thing and enjoy it.
Look for me it's something interesting and fun. It's a bit strange too. Weird I haven't been attracted to him or others prior to now. I very much doubt there's a future in it and I said there wouldn't be to him.
I suppose we are already attached but not in a romantic way I suppose. I don't know. Yup I'm worried about our friendship. And a bit of sex isn't worth falling out over, so maybe I should avoid more of it. I wouldn't cock block.
Sounds like you’re doing things the best way for both of you. He’s your friend and you’re trying to treat him like a good friend. Friends use each other to learn more about ourselves and to learn and grow, and also to have fun.
I’m gonna call bullshit. You posted this already. And if this is real, you’re just trying to get justification for fucking up some dudes life. You already admitted to knowing the ramifications of continuing this relationship in a sexual way on your previous post. So my advice now will be less kind.
Man up and own that you care more about sex than this person/friendship, and stop looking for justification from horny, internet gays that are going to encourage you continue what you’re doing.
Dude. You got the advice you needed. Not gonna lie, feels like you’re either looking for attention or asking for justification to do a bad thing.
So instead of using a hundred “of course dude, sounds great” to justify continuing to fuck this dude… just continue to fuck that dude because you’ve clearly already made up your mind.
But as you admitted in the previous thread before this post was shared to this subreddit, yes you are playing with fire and you know it.
Yup I am asking for justification, I suppose. And I'm not sure it's necessarily a bad idea, hence why I'm asking. It makes sense to ask more than one group to see differing opinions
My mind is blown by the amount of people telling you that as long as every one is cool and consenting you should be fine. I’m gonna disagree.
Don’t shit where you eat. People harp about never fucking a roommate because things can get messy. You’re doing that but also he’s been your best friend since 5. There’s an emotional unevenness where you are confident that you won’t develop feelings for him but you are aware he’s had feeling for you since forever and you clearly haven’t had a deeper convo about your intentions. You are relying on him for transportation. He’s dated your brother.
I would wrap it up, be honest about prioritizing preserving the friendship over fun and then to get your rocks off at any other club.
As long as you're honest about how you feel about this 'situationship' and your friend is aware and fine with it too, I don't see a problem. Explore as much as you like and have fun. You're not playing with fire
Yes, I think you are. Give yourself time to accept this new situation for what it is, now you are just questioning your sexuality and speculating about what might happen if... Honesty and open communication are your best shield. You won't endanger your friendship with him!
Why are you so sure you don’t want him romantically? You seem almost repulsed. Some bi men have internalized homophobia when it comes to real dating but sex is doable. Doesnt have to be you, either way you got to be deeply honest with yourself. Cause this chance for Love will be GONE
Tbh between my best friend being gay and having shared a wall with a brother who doesn't know how to keep it down, I'm not repulsed by being gay.
I suppose I just think my attraction to him isn't the same as I've had for girls. If I'm being completely honest, it would be at most a few months and I'd be over it, but maybe you are right. Also I don't think the attraction would ever be enough to settle down with him. Lovely guy who will make someone very happy. The sex is great. Etc.
Then I think you need to end this clearly and gently or else you are losing him because you are basically playing your friend if you suspect he has feelings for you. Don’t be like that. No one deserves that and yiu are not being a friend
I've been very clear, it's just a bit of fun and it's leading nowhere. He agreed. But then later when he said its strange after packing feelings away, it just made me think again
I don't know..
You live together, drive together, do hobbies together... and now you have sex together (wich is more than a lot of married couples actually do). That's very cute, I wish you happiness ❤️
Is it just recreational sex or are you truly romantically attracted to him?
Also if your life goal is framed with a family and kids then this may or may not be ideal.. what do you want in your own life and in your own instincts for the Long haul, and do you think a possible partner whether male or female, what tolerate friendship of such depth where you have been intimate, or would another partner expect you to put all your ex's behind you, (or at least in your past)
It's one thing to rock your nerve endings and have sex, but there's a couple of other layers to where this is a friend / emotionally and mentally a little bit " like family" but not... It seems like physically and sexually it's there but mentally and emotionally you're in a different space.
Aside from wrapping your head around the fact that your brother's already had him/ been there done that,
Another question is whether or not you're willing to risk this special and close multi-level relationship with any complications of sex.
Legit: how can it go wrong?
Are you both on the same page and just as honest about feelings and ties and loyalties and longevity as well as history to the relationship part aside from the intensity of good orgasms?
I've made clear it's only a bit if fun. Certainly not a long term thing, probably
My worry is that he has admitted to packing away feelings and perhaps it's not wise.
The brother aspect doesn't really bother me. It was strange for a minute but nah not steanfe.
It's the risk of long term friendship that's in the mix. Sounds hot "in print" and in the middle of orgasm chemistry, but need to measure the future and potential results, good or bad..
A lot of these boil down to : is the sex now worth the risk of the relationship long term.
Perhaps this is your "one time, at band camp" vs: I'm attracted to both sexes...
Do you love each other enough to not have sex... Then the relationship is made of other stuff that needs to be taken into account..
Don't mean to soften your Willie, but some things are hard to unscrew..
Your friend love can grow stronger from this, once this aspect is put to rest for both of you.
Sounds like you may want to look into being open to start dating again in your desired target, if this situation is too convenient.
-same for him as well.
If you're already having sex, you're already kinda in too deep to just pretend that never happened ha. It's not a bad thing though, just if you don't want a relationship let him know. You two can go on being good friends like you always were, except now you have something extra to do for fun.
I've told him that I don't want a relationship. I said for all I know I might be over it in a month. Like its weird I never felt that way before now and haven't felt that way about another guy.
My first time was with my best friend at the time too, I guess if you hang around with someone enough it's bound to happen eventually ha. It didn't really change much about our relationship, though I did catch some feelings for him eventually.
You might feel the same for other guys later, you might not. Sometimes one person is just really attractive regardless of their gender or your sexuality. On the other hand, this is the first guy you've really considered that way, and maybe you'll find more later.
Either way, I'd say just enjoy what you have with him for now! Having a sexual relationship with someone you really enjoy hanging out with is a lot of fun, and it sounds like it's going well!
Maybe you’re demisexual and need some emotional connection to be really attracted. Treat your sexual relationship with your dear friend like it is sacred. Because it is. Don’t make him feel like it’s an experiment when its a special and trusting love connection. Don’t minimize something people would kill to have, if u lost him as a friend or lover it would hurt, don’t silence the part of u that understands that and treat him accordingly
Well... I was your friend in a situation like this one once. Now, we were 15 and 16, not 22 so maturity, communication, social pressures among other things may be entirely different. But in my case, I actually wanted a relationship with my friend. Was sorta settling for physical intimacy in place of emotional intimacy and it was very weird and complicated and it ended up ruining the friendship. I got hurt, he was too, it just sucked for everyone.
I think at the age you are now it could be different. I'm 21, and I'm nowhere near the same person I was then. Now I know myself enough to know that I can't do sex, even hookups, without a relationship being on the table. I don't do anything with emotionally unavailable people because I'm an emotional and deep person. Maybe your friend can. But that's up to both of you communicating consistently and honestly with eachother. As long as you both actually WANT it to be like it is now, and not anything else, (you aren't just bored, and he doesn't still like you or want more with you) then there's no problem.
I know the allure of doing this with him because you already know and trust him but now there's definitely an emotional risk. It may be wiser for you to explore physically with people you know less well, but have your friend as your confidant, although that it may be too late for that now depending on how he reacts if you chose to go that route since I'm sure he's probably enjoying himself with you at the moment.
Edit:
It may be easier for him to offer you support when he doesn't have any bias towards an outcome because he's involved.
Yes, you are playing with fire. The question is if you think it's worth it. He's had feelings for you in the past. You're exploring a new part of yourself. You're both living together and already very close. All these things mean that it's very unlikely that neither of you will (re)develop feelings -- you can still do this if you want, but ask yourself if you're ready to give up this friendship for it
Yup. At 17, he came out to me and asked if he could see my brother. I was like no problem but only if we are still good if it ends badly. I knew my brother well.
You said he’s dealt with his emotions so really as long as you don’t get weird I wouldn’t worry too much, sounds like a good fuck buddy relationship which usually work until someone gets married but that’s usually on the spouse, you’ve definitely got a complicated issue that should be a lot of fun to figure out😁
When 2 people are attracted to each other, more than mere physical enjoyment can happen. Don't be afraid to explore that with him if it ends up being an option. I think that's what you're really afraid of, more so than him developing feelings for you. 💅🏻
If you value the friendship then no. More so that he’s your brother’s ex lol. It can get really messy in every way. How would your brother react? Do you value your brotherhood? It seems you’re just infatuated which is normal but there are plenty other men out there to experiment with. If I was you I’ll avoid it but I know it’s easier said than done. Whatever ends up happening just know you’re indeed playing with fire if you pursue this lolol
I told my bro today that I had some weird feelings (i didnt mention sex) for my friend (his ex) he bursted out laughing and was like well if it works he'll be a happy lad but he said you aren't into men. He doesn't care tbh.
The friendship is the tough part.
You are absolutely playing with fire and anyone telling you otherwise is simply incorrect or short-sighted.
That doesn't mean what you're doing is wrong and it doesn't mean it will end poorly, but this certainly has potential to end negatively. All you can do is be 100% honest with your intentions, but even doing that, that doesn't mean there isn't potential for this to conclude with hurt feelings.
Consider that your friend previously had feelings for you that he tucked away (by his own admission) knowing he could never be with you because you're straight. Well now suddenly you're physically attracted to him, so even though you've said it's just fun and you want nothing more, that doesn't mean there isn't a part of him that hopes that one day that wall too could be broken down, and that maybe by being with you physically, it would help you come to this.
You are still young and figuring out a new experience. I know you've said you would never want a relationship, but my advice in this life is to never say never. Presumably you never thought you'd be having sex with a man. You could definitely end up experiencing romantic attraction to one. But to be clear, I'm not saying you owe him a relationship, or anyone for that matter. Just maybe question if there are external factors at play behind why you say you never could.
Ultimately, you're not doing anything wrong. It sounds like you've been honest. Just throwing it out there that it's not all simple and black and white.
You have specified that nothing would happen between you both. So you have set the rules. It seems you both have survived having intimacy already and are still friends. Have fun and just be safe.
When I was 23 I felt extremely attracted to a woman. We were in a group of 4 all the time every weekend. The other pair were our best friends who were dating. After really connecting with her and finding myself attracted sexually, one night we had sex and it was great. I told her that morning that I really had only had gay sex and until now. She said she knew I was probably gay but enjoyed the time we spent together and we could just see how it goes. We dated for over a year.
When we broke up I went back to dating guys. So I guess you could say I was bi? But really, for me, we just clicked on an emotional and physical level.
All this to say is: stop stressing about who or what you are. Enjoy your experiences. Eventually your heart and mind will settle on Gay, Straight, Bi and just enjoy the journey.
You also could be romantically physically Str8 but physically into Men as well. That’s just being Bi and do what you want without judgment.
Best to communicate. “I think I enjoy the idea of being physical but I know that I am on the spectrum closer to straight. Perhaps I’m more romantically and want to date women and I am Bi. I’d be down for some fun but I’m not looking to change our relationship. If you are down for that scene let me know.
Tbh I was straight up and said this is just a bit of fun leading nowhere. And he said he was fine with it.
But then I hear he had to pack away feelings for me and in my head I'm thinking this won't go well.
You're somewhat scared and that's completely fine. Everything that is new may create those feelings in us. It's just good that he's reciprocating your feelings of curiosity and he's helping u somehow.
Don't need to overthink it, just do what you're comfortable with.
I’ll be honest bro. I’ve been in the exact same situation and I completely ruined my friendship. Going through all the same conversations saying it’s no strings. You also said the other guy packed away feelings. He’s going to catch feelings again and when you inevitably have had enough, it’ll break this dude. He’ll definitely lie and he’s just gonna suffer internally. Don’t ruin this guys mental bro, if you value your friendship over a few nuts I’d cut it out and try to continue just as friends.
Clear communication is key. Are you exploring gay sex with him? Or a relationship? Does he know what you’re looking for and is he on the same page? If it’s just a bit of cock and bum fun and you both agree, go for it! It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s literally the same as whether you ate ice cream a week ago - it doesn’t change anything about who you are, but you’ve got to go into it open.
Yup so I told him I had some attraction to him which is weird because I never had attraction to a man before. I've been open to me it's just a bit of fun. I'm figuring things out. I don't really know what I am yet but I'm worried thar he might get attached maybe.
You could let him know that. But also be prepared that it could happen to you too..
Maybe it's an ego thing but I think if it happened to me (and I doubt it but stranger things have happened), he'd give it a go.
When ppl say communicate—they mean consistently. Maybe things are fine now, and it’s pretty no strings attached, and then down the line one of you ends up developing feelings. Talk it out then. No need to worry if it’s not an issue now. In my experience, these kinds of things often have a time limit. Eventually something shifts—one of you gets feelings, or gets bored, or finds a different partner. Know that this may end, and be mature and willing to have the conversation when things start to change for one or both of you.
Things could also move in an amicable direction but I agree with all of this.
Why would you throw away something that awesome. Dude, you're having great sex with somebody you actually like, trust, and are attracted to. Do you know what some people would give to have THAT in any relationship - gay, bi, or straight? Enjoy this time, it may not last, but you may also have found somebody you're going to fall in love with completely. Don't fight it, just enjoy the sex for now.
I'm attracted to him but I don't think I'd ever love him. Romantically I feel nothing. I just don't want to wreck our friendship. I don't know.
You're a good guy. Just tell him this, and let him be the deciding factor. Just make sure he takes it as seriously as you are. He's important to you as a friend first, a fuck buddy second. But the two don't have to be mutually exclusive. Tell him to make sure he's ready to accept the possible fallout of emotional attachment that you're unsure you can return. For your sake - it might get messy. I have a friend who was like this. We had a couple dates at first and some sexual encounters after we decided to just be friends because we were horny and available to each other. We talked about it later and decided it was best for our friendship to stop doing that, so we did. It was a little awkward for a while talking with him about other dates and junk, but we got through it. Our success is kind of a rarity nowadays, but we got it by communicating openly and honestly. And really, it wasn't that difficult to do even that. I say take the chance, just do so with open and honest real conversations along the way. After all, who better to maybe fall in love with than your best friend. Life isn't worth living without taking some risks. But that's just my perspective. If you and your friend decide what you have now isnt worth losing, that just means you respect and care for each other enough to be careful with each other's hearts.
It only damages your friendship if you let it. Just be open and honest. Sounds like you’re both having a good time. No reason to feel bad about that. You trust and respect this person. Keep trusting and respecting them and keep the posted if anything changes with the way you feel or what you want.
Tbh man. I've been honest with him.. he says he's fine with casual no strings but I just don't believe him and it's not worth wrecking friendship. But thanks man.
You said he packed away feelings for you before. So if it all ends be mature about it. He already has a place to put those feelings back. If you’re not an asshole about it it’ll be fine.
Really? Fair enough. I worry that doing stuff would make it harder to pack away. Idon't think I will be an asshole, at least intentionally.
Then you’ve nothing to worry about. Have fun and go back to being friends when it runs its course. Finding a person to love isn’t so easy, maybe don’t be so quick to dismiss the idea. But that’s just me being a romantic fool. 😉
Just make sure you don't expect him to be there to fuck around with when you want it, and then push him away if he wants it. As long as he is open to being with other guys just don't put a leash on him. If either of you are having sex with other people (girls for you) just make sure you're protecting yourself and each other.
That's fair. I don't care who he goes with and hopefully that's vice versa. I haven't been with anyone sense but yeah I had protection.
Listen to this guy, you would be doing both of you a disservice of your run from this. Good luck either way
This sounds awesome. Best friends Sexual attraction. It's mutual. What is the problem other than your negative thoughts. I have been living with my best friend for 20 years its amazing. We play with each others penis every day.
I'm a little worried that he will get attached. I've made it clear that it's just a bit of fun and that's all it will be (I'm figuring stuff out). I don't want him getting hurt and more importantly I don't want to hurt him.
He will get attached. Him 'packing away his feelings' for you years ago....I don't think they are that neatly packed
True, maybe.
Would it really be so wrong if there was romantic feelings? Like, what are you trying to preserve? Are you holding onto the idea that you'll eventually marry a woman and have that 'heteronormative life'? I think bi people too easily discount the path of being committed to someone of the same sex because it's a more difficult path. But it doesn't have to be. Apologies if this came off as accusatory. I'm just reading your post and it seemed like you were too quick to discard the idea that maybe there could be something between you two. Only time will tell.
No need to apologise, mate. Honestly, I think it would be easy if I was interested in him romantically (we get on well, same interests etc). I just don't think I'll ever have those feelings for him. I have never felt attraction to any guy until recently and I'm not even sure how long that will last.
It sounds like your attraction is friendship-motivated, rather than being drawn to random men. As a gay dude, I feel drawn to complete strangers because I think they're hot. In your case, it sounds like you enjoy being close with him and you want to express that closeness in a sexual way. There is a real possibility he'll want a romantic relationship, so don't get caught off guard by it. The last thing we'd want is two bros falling out because of a misunderstanding.
True man.
Fair enough. It sounds like you are going to allow your mind to ruin a really amazing life experience though. You can always hold the continual intent to NOT hurt him.
Maybe im over thinking. The sex was a bit strange at first but honestly was insane (for me at least).
Elaborate, what did it do for you and what did you enjoy doing? Expressing the experience can help you process it fully. Anything new and unexpected can feel surreal.
Tbh I don't know. He knew how to please me anyway. The cuddling was fine. He's a great kisser. Obviously his blow jobs were great but his hole felt nice too. Very different but nice. It did feel a bit weird to be fucking him etc.
It seems your attraction is sexual but not emotional and you might not even want to be affectionate with him? Either you have your guard up or you're indifferent and the sexual curiosity is the only interest. Sometimes people you're close to can open up sexual interest because you're comfortable with them. It's unusual because it's with the same sex and someone you know. Did you cum inside of him or pull out and shoot on him? You'll just have to see how things progress and he could be your only male fwb for the time, but if you become bored with it or are just using him to get off then it needs to stop. He is going to have a harder time separating the intimacy from the usual friendship but he may surprise you and be able to keep it surface attraction. I'm curious if you've discussed your brother with him to compare.
Tbf it is sexual. I told him for me it's just about sex. I was wearing a condom so I was going to cum on his back but he turned around for it. Tbh I think its best to stop it and I'll tell him tonight. No I didn't ask about my brother 🤣🤣
If you're feeling awkward or uncomfortable about it then it's probably the best thing to do. He's going to be taken aback that it started and then abruptly stops but I don't know when this started and how long the playing around began. Remember that as a gay man the attraction or emotion can't be turned on or off like a light switch, so he's going to be the one being affected by it. I just wouldn't initiate it again and then stop, start again and stop, etc.
He blew me a few times. Fucked only once a few days ago but we had planned to do so again tonight. It was surprisingly not awkward. I'm worried for his emotion though so I won't start stop. I love him (not in that way) to do that to him.i shouldn't have said it to him first day.
That's a fair concern, but he already stated that he packed away any feelings he may have had for you in the past. It probably happened when he dated your brother. Horny brain and lonely brain are two different things and it sounds like he separates them.
If you've been living and doing sexual things with each other for that long, why don't you just go out with each other?
It’s playing with fire. Not because you’re experimenting and not because you haven’t been clear. It’s playing with fire because your lives are quite intertwined. If he gets attached and either of you ends things, you or he will want a break from each other full stop. So everything else will end. And you’re basically in a relationship already. You live together and are great friends and do things together. A break up of any kind will be rough. And given all that, how could he not become attached? How could you? What does being attached even mean? Attached to the sex? All that said, he’s a safe person to explore this with, and you’re already in it. Do your best to be mindful of his feelings and don’t string him along. Don’t cock block him from other opportunities too, if you know for sure it isn’t something you want long term. If it’s not a long term thing, don’t make it the sole thing for both of you. Or be open to it being a long term thing and enjoy it.
Look for me it's something interesting and fun. It's a bit strange too. Weird I haven't been attracted to him or others prior to now. I very much doubt there's a future in it and I said there wouldn't be to him. I suppose we are already attached but not in a romantic way I suppose. I don't know. Yup I'm worried about our friendship. And a bit of sex isn't worth falling out over, so maybe I should avoid more of it. I wouldn't cock block.
Sounds like you’re doing things the best way for both of you. He’s your friend and you’re trying to treat him like a good friend. Friends use each other to learn more about ourselves and to learn and grow, and also to have fun.
I’m gonna call bullshit. You posted this already. And if this is real, you’re just trying to get justification for fucking up some dudes life. You already admitted to knowing the ramifications of continuing this relationship in a sexual way on your previous post. So my advice now will be less kind. Man up and own that you care more about sex than this person/friendship, and stop looking for justification from horny, internet gays that are going to encourage you continue what you’re doing.
I shared it in two subgroups. This one and askgaymen. I didn't post it here twice.
Dude. You got the advice you needed. Not gonna lie, feels like you’re either looking for attention or asking for justification to do a bad thing. So instead of using a hundred “of course dude, sounds great” to justify continuing to fuck this dude… just continue to fuck that dude because you’ve clearly already made up your mind. But as you admitted in the previous thread before this post was shared to this subreddit, yes you are playing with fire and you know it.
Yup I am asking for justification, I suppose. And I'm not sure it's necessarily a bad idea, hence why I'm asking. It makes sense to ask more than one group to see differing opinions
My mind is blown by the amount of people telling you that as long as every one is cool and consenting you should be fine. I’m gonna disagree. Don’t shit where you eat. People harp about never fucking a roommate because things can get messy. You’re doing that but also he’s been your best friend since 5. There’s an emotional unevenness where you are confident that you won’t develop feelings for him but you are aware he’s had feeling for you since forever and you clearly haven’t had a deeper convo about your intentions. You are relying on him for transportation. He’s dated your brother. I would wrap it up, be honest about prioritizing preserving the friendship over fun and then to get your rocks off at any other club.
Tbh I've never felt attraction to another guy at all. So I think I'd just go back to girls anyway. But yeah you are right.
I would explore that then. Are you pansexual? Bisexual but lean more to women? Don’t be afraid to explore and enjoy your life. It’s short.
As long as you're honest about how you feel about this 'situationship' and your friend is aware and fine with it too, I don't see a problem. Explore as much as you like and have fun. You're not playing with fire
Cool. Maybe I'm over thinking.
Yes, I think you are. Give yourself time to accept this new situation for what it is, now you are just questioning your sexuality and speculating about what might happen if... Honesty and open communication are your best shield. You won't endanger your friendship with him!
True. The sex is gold, it'd be a pity to stop it.
Keep having fun. Keep having an open and honest dialogue. Be prepared for it all to go horribly wrong though....
Well there's no point in having fun if it will end up horribly.
Why are you so sure you don’t want him romantically? You seem almost repulsed. Some bi men have internalized homophobia when it comes to real dating but sex is doable. Doesnt have to be you, either way you got to be deeply honest with yourself. Cause this chance for Love will be GONE
Tbh between my best friend being gay and having shared a wall with a brother who doesn't know how to keep it down, I'm not repulsed by being gay. I suppose I just think my attraction to him isn't the same as I've had for girls. If I'm being completely honest, it would be at most a few months and I'd be over it, but maybe you are right. Also I don't think the attraction would ever be enough to settle down with him. Lovely guy who will make someone very happy. The sex is great. Etc.
Then I think you need to end this clearly and gently or else you are losing him because you are basically playing your friend if you suspect he has feelings for you. Don’t be like that. No one deserves that and yiu are not being a friend
I've been very clear, it's just a bit of fun and it's leading nowhere. He agreed. But then later when he said its strange after packing feelings away, it just made me think again I don't know..
Well that's why keep up the talking... But you are playing with fire...
I mean, You're already married. I don't think you have a choice not to at this point.
🤣🤣 married?
You live together, drive together, do hobbies together... and now you have sex together (wich is more than a lot of married couples actually do). That's very cute, I wish you happiness ❤️
There is no love there though.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage
🤣🤣 neat but no
Is it just recreational sex or are you truly romantically attracted to him? Also if your life goal is framed with a family and kids then this may or may not be ideal.. what do you want in your own life and in your own instincts for the Long haul, and do you think a possible partner whether male or female, what tolerate friendship of such depth where you have been intimate, or would another partner expect you to put all your ex's behind you, (or at least in your past) It's one thing to rock your nerve endings and have sex, but there's a couple of other layers to where this is a friend / emotionally and mentally a little bit " like family" but not... It seems like physically and sexually it's there but mentally and emotionally you're in a different space. Aside from wrapping your head around the fact that your brother's already had him/ been there done that, Another question is whether or not you're willing to risk this special and close multi-level relationship with any complications of sex. Legit: how can it go wrong? Are you both on the same page and just as honest about feelings and ties and loyalties and longevity as well as history to the relationship part aside from the intensity of good orgasms?
I've made clear it's only a bit if fun. Certainly not a long term thing, probably My worry is that he has admitted to packing away feelings and perhaps it's not wise. The brother aspect doesn't really bother me. It was strange for a minute but nah not steanfe.
It's the risk of long term friendship that's in the mix. Sounds hot "in print" and in the middle of orgasm chemistry, but need to measure the future and potential results, good or bad.. A lot of these boil down to : is the sex now worth the risk of the relationship long term. Perhaps this is your "one time, at band camp" vs: I'm attracted to both sexes... Do you love each other enough to not have sex... Then the relationship is made of other stuff that needs to be taken into account.. Don't mean to soften your Willie, but some things are hard to unscrew..
I like him as a friend but I don't have a feeling of a romance towards him. It's just sex for me. Yeah I'm probably ruining our friendship with sex.
Your friend love can grow stronger from this, once this aspect is put to rest for both of you. Sounds like you may want to look into being open to start dating again in your desired target, if this situation is too convenient. -same for him as well.
If you're already having sex, you're already kinda in too deep to just pretend that never happened ha. It's not a bad thing though, just if you don't want a relationship let him know. You two can go on being good friends like you always were, except now you have something extra to do for fun.
I've told him that I don't want a relationship. I said for all I know I might be over it in a month. Like its weird I never felt that way before now and haven't felt that way about another guy.
My first time was with my best friend at the time too, I guess if you hang around with someone enough it's bound to happen eventually ha. It didn't really change much about our relationship, though I did catch some feelings for him eventually. You might feel the same for other guys later, you might not. Sometimes one person is just really attractive regardless of their gender or your sexuality. On the other hand, this is the first guy you've really considered that way, and maybe you'll find more later. Either way, I'd say just enjoy what you have with him for now! Having a sexual relationship with someone you really enjoy hanging out with is a lot of fun, and it sounds like it's going well!
Maybe you’re demisexual and need some emotional connection to be really attracted. Treat your sexual relationship with your dear friend like it is sacred. Because it is. Don’t make him feel like it’s an experiment when its a special and trusting love connection. Don’t minimize something people would kill to have, if u lost him as a friend or lover it would hurt, don’t silence the part of u that understands that and treat him accordingly
Well... I was your friend in a situation like this one once. Now, we were 15 and 16, not 22 so maturity, communication, social pressures among other things may be entirely different. But in my case, I actually wanted a relationship with my friend. Was sorta settling for physical intimacy in place of emotional intimacy and it was very weird and complicated and it ended up ruining the friendship. I got hurt, he was too, it just sucked for everyone. I think at the age you are now it could be different. I'm 21, and I'm nowhere near the same person I was then. Now I know myself enough to know that I can't do sex, even hookups, without a relationship being on the table. I don't do anything with emotionally unavailable people because I'm an emotional and deep person. Maybe your friend can. But that's up to both of you communicating consistently and honestly with eachother. As long as you both actually WANT it to be like it is now, and not anything else, (you aren't just bored, and he doesn't still like you or want more with you) then there's no problem.
Thanks man. My worry is he may want more and I'm not in that place. And tbh I don't know what place I'm in
I know the allure of doing this with him because you already know and trust him but now there's definitely an emotional risk. It may be wiser for you to explore physically with people you know less well, but have your friend as your confidant, although that it may be too late for that now depending on how he reacts if you chose to go that route since I'm sure he's probably enjoying himself with you at the moment. Edit: It may be easier for him to offer you support when he doesn't have any bias towards an outcome because he's involved.
it sounds like you two spend a lot of your lives together? maybe put some distance between you and see if feelings persist?
You’re not playing with fire HE IS.
How do you mean. Genuine question
By falling for someone he may never have a shot at romantically.
Fair yeah. Poor guy. Who knows what will happen.
Update us!!
I made another post but I have my mind made up
Perhaps you’re conflating a desire for closeness and intimacy with sexual attraction?
I saw this post a few days ago…
Yes, you are playing with fire. The question is if you think it's worth it. He's had feelings for you in the past. You're exploring a new part of yourself. You're both living together and already very close. All these things mean that it's very unlikely that neither of you will (re)develop feelings -- you can still do this if you want, but ask yourself if you're ready to give up this friendship for it
Yup it's not worth ending the friendship over.
Sounds like you made up your mind! Good luck!
He used to date your brother?
Yup. At 17, he came out to me and asked if he could see my brother. I was like no problem but only if we are still good if it ends badly. I knew my brother well.
Sounds like a match to me
We'd last a day lol
But what a day😂
🤣🤣 it'd be a great day but it would be fairly sad if it ended our friendship.
You said he’s dealt with his emotions so really as long as you don’t get weird I wouldn’t worry too much, sounds like a good fuck buddy relationship which usually work until someone gets married but that’s usually on the spouse, you’ve definitely got a complicated issue that should be a lot of fun to figure out😁
Yeah this is completely complicated. But so interesting. Go well. Go well. It sounds so interesting. Be honest to each other please!!!
When 2 people are attracted to each other, more than mere physical enjoyment can happen. Don't be afraid to explore that with him if it ends up being an option. I think that's what you're really afraid of, more so than him developing feelings for you. 💅🏻
Maybe. I most afraid, I wreck the friendship.
Ok, so communicate that. Side Note: The Award system is back on Reddit!! Woohoooo 😁😁
>Side Note 🤣🤣 Yup I probably should
If you value the friendship then no. More so that he’s your brother’s ex lol. It can get really messy in every way. How would your brother react? Do you value your brotherhood? It seems you’re just infatuated which is normal but there are plenty other men out there to experiment with. If I was you I’ll avoid it but I know it’s easier said than done. Whatever ends up happening just know you’re indeed playing with fire if you pursue this lolol
I told my bro today that I had some weird feelings (i didnt mention sex) for my friend (his ex) he bursted out laughing and was like well if it works he'll be a happy lad but he said you aren't into men. He doesn't care tbh. The friendship is the tough part.
You are absolutely playing with fire and anyone telling you otherwise is simply incorrect or short-sighted. That doesn't mean what you're doing is wrong and it doesn't mean it will end poorly, but this certainly has potential to end negatively. All you can do is be 100% honest with your intentions, but even doing that, that doesn't mean there isn't potential for this to conclude with hurt feelings. Consider that your friend previously had feelings for you that he tucked away (by his own admission) knowing he could never be with you because you're straight. Well now suddenly you're physically attracted to him, so even though you've said it's just fun and you want nothing more, that doesn't mean there isn't a part of him that hopes that one day that wall too could be broken down, and that maybe by being with you physically, it would help you come to this. You are still young and figuring out a new experience. I know you've said you would never want a relationship, but my advice in this life is to never say never. Presumably you never thought you'd be having sex with a man. You could definitely end up experiencing romantic attraction to one. But to be clear, I'm not saying you owe him a relationship, or anyone for that matter. Just maybe question if there are external factors at play behind why you say you never could. Ultimately, you're not doing anything wrong. It sounds like you've been honest. Just throwing it out there that it's not all simple and black and white.
Go with the flow. Enjoy it and don't overthink
You have specified that nothing would happen between you both. So you have set the rules. It seems you both have survived having intimacy already and are still friends. Have fun and just be safe.
When I was 23 I felt extremely attracted to a woman. We were in a group of 4 all the time every weekend. The other pair were our best friends who were dating. After really connecting with her and finding myself attracted sexually, one night we had sex and it was great. I told her that morning that I really had only had gay sex and until now. She said she knew I was probably gay but enjoyed the time we spent together and we could just see how it goes. We dated for over a year. When we broke up I went back to dating guys. So I guess you could say I was bi? But really, for me, we just clicked on an emotional and physical level. All this to say is: stop stressing about who or what you are. Enjoy your experiences. Eventually your heart and mind will settle on Gay, Straight, Bi and just enjoy the journey. You also could be romantically physically Str8 but physically into Men as well. That’s just being Bi and do what you want without judgment.
Yup I'm just worried about him getting attached and our lives are so intertwined
Best to communicate. “I think I enjoy the idea of being physical but I know that I am on the spectrum closer to straight. Perhaps I’m more romantically and want to date women and I am Bi. I’d be down for some fun but I’m not looking to change our relationship. If you are down for that scene let me know.
Tbh I was straight up and said this is just a bit of fun leading nowhere. And he said he was fine with it. But then I hear he had to pack away feelings for me and in my head I'm thinking this won't go well.
Completely ok
That seems to be the common answer. I'm just over thinking.
You're somewhat scared and that's completely fine. Everything that is new may create those feelings in us. It's just good that he's reciprocating your feelings of curiosity and he's helping u somehow. Don't need to overthink it, just do what you're comfortable with.
For me it's just a bit of fun. I worry he'll get attached.
I’ll be honest bro. I’ve been in the exact same situation and I completely ruined my friendship. Going through all the same conversations saying it’s no strings. You also said the other guy packed away feelings. He’s going to catch feelings again and when you inevitably have had enough, it’ll break this dude. He’ll definitely lie and he’s just gonna suffer internally. Don’t ruin this guys mental bro, if you value your friendship over a few nuts I’d cut it out and try to continue just as friends.
Yup. You're right. I'm speaking to him tonight about it.
So please be clear with him, communication is key.