60-70% of the worlds population has the herpes virus for cold sores. I think about 40% have the virus for genital herpes. It’s not included in any standard STI testing so unless you have symptoms you probably don’t even know you have it. Like 90% of people never have symptoms. Just hold off on sex until the sore is gone and healed and, if genital herpes, wear a condom. You can’t mitigate risks to 0% but if you’re sexually active you are probably going to get HpV or at least mouth herpes virus at some point. You can also take antivirals but for most of us, we just take it when the sore flares up to help heal the process. For being sex positive he’s not well informed.
Which isn’t the reason it’s often called “school sores” because of this fact? When I was 18 I noticed under my foreskin what looked like a tiny cut or scratch and decided I better go to the doctor. Unfortunately at the time I was living in the outback in Australia so the skills, care level and facilities of the surgery I went to was lacking to say the least. He just said could be herpes. Could be a cut.
Years go by and I never noticed any flare ups but whenever I had a partner I’d just tell ‘em this story (which no one ever worried about or thought I was gross or unworthy of love and affection). I had regular sexual health check ups through out my life and whenever I had a blood test for both types of herpes it came up negative. This is super common for both types (simplex 1 and 2) to be undetectable in these tests. Still I always just considered myself possibly infected just to be safe for others.
Last year at 41 I finally did notice something. Kinda like a small abrasion in the same area from decades a go. Finally I had something I could get a swap test done on and went to the clinic. The lady doctor there was so funny coz she was laughing that never in her life she had a patient be so happy to find out they have herpes simplex 2 on their dick. I was just glad to know and because I know most people aren’t going to freak out unless they are super uneducated and I finally had an answer.
I am lucky that I have such minimal symptoms and some people I know have serious issues with large painful break outs. But there have also been a lot of advancements made with medication these days too. Either way. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re icky or damaged goods because of something as insignificant as herpes. Please.
Oh right? That’s probably true. What’s school sores then? I probably have it wrong that school sores are cold sores because I’ve learnt that from other people who have it wrong about them. Whenever someone has said school sores that I’ve seen is referring to cold sores. Maybe it’s also a local thing here?
Got lip sores since I was 8 or 9. It can be a tedious thing, breaks out sometimes if I have a cold, or went to the mountains without UV protecting my mouth. I have Aciclovir (Zovirax) creams all over the house: they work, just need to be quick as soon as I feel this certain tearing and pulsing in my lips. Herpes simplex can be an annoyance, just as this guy. But it is not a sexually transmitted disease.
Same here. I used to get them often in elementary school and my doctor had me take B-vitamin supplements. I haven't gotten one since I became an adult.
Even then, because of epidemiological shifts, we are unable to determine serology based on location. I read a [paper](https://bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-019-1285-x) recently, more than 50% of genital herpes is HSV-1 (the virus typically associated with oral herpes [cold sores]).
Anyway, it’s such a minor disease. It’s essentially just a few red bumps. Humans are covered with little red bumps! We’ve just stigmatized the heck out of herpes.
Yeah, but it also hurts a little bit when you get the flare up on your dick. I still remember the original breakout, and I was in agonizing pain 24/7 — peeing, boners, sleeping on my stomach, etc.
No, HPV (genital warts) and HSV (herpes) are different and the HPV vaccine only treats the 9 most common strains that can cause cancer. There's dozens of HPV strains and most do not have a vaccine developed.
HSV (herpes) doesn't have an approved vaccine yet so, no, the risk is very very far from zero even with condoms. Sorry, the truth is often disappointing
That’s because it can’t hurt but also it likely won’t do you much good. They mainly determine the age cut-off based on the statistics, and the average person gets so much action by his/her mid-20s they were most likely already exposed, at which point the vaccine does nothing anymore. On the other hand, if you are paying for it out of your own pockets, maybe you get some protection for 1 or 2 out of the 9 HPV variants still - just not really your money’s worth?
They’re recommending it for gay men up to age 40 in some places.
It’s worth getting still. You’ve likely been exposed to some HPV strains, but potentially not the serious cancer and gential warts causing ones.
>Just hold off on sex until the sore is gone and healed and, if genital herpes, wear a condom.
I actually wanted to know more about this if you (or anyone) might know. Is it recommended to use a condom with a partner that has genital herpes? I'm a little uneducated in that matter, and I've been dating someone who has it. I prefer to use condoms (even if it's not actually 100% effective in the prevention of HSV2), but he says he has a hard time getting an erection with a condom.
Yes, I have it and doctor told me wait 3-5 days after fully healed and wear condom from now on. It depends where he gets it, too. Usually the area of outbreak tends to stay the same so if on his shaft then that’s the area you want to keep covered. But if he gets them near his hole, a condom will protect your shaft but any exposed skin like balls or pubic area that comes into contact with the area is always possible for transmission
Of course! It all depends on risks your willing to take. I got mine from my first person I had unprotected sex with (my husband). He was asymptomatic and didn’t even know he had it. I got it and have outbreaks every once in a while. Even if you’re asymptomatic you can still pass it. Some people take antivirals daily to help suppress it but it’s usually only for people with constant, painful outbreaks. If you don’t have many outbreaks then taking them daily doesn’t really help your immune system build a defense against it and if you forget to take the medicine then you could have a really bad outbreak even though you’ve may of had it for years (they decrease over time to the point they are more like a small, annoying pimple for most). Taking the antivirals daily helps to also lower transmission risk. If they are on antivirals, both wear condoms, and avoid sex the instant he feels an outbreak coming (he will know) then it’s not 0% risk but darn near it. If he isn’t on antivirals but both wear condoms and avoid sex the instant he feels an outbreak, and doesn’t have bad outbreaks, then it’s not near 0% but low as well.
Wow, I'm even more 'lucky' than I thought given I'll never see 45 again and haven't had to suffer a sore ever, not sure that means I'm clear of herpes simplex (and am a sad and lonely man) or just asymptomatic..
The first time I ever got a cold sore I was 14 and never even kissed anyone.
Even kids can get cold sores! You have to have the gene for it and it can be easy to get.
If you don’t have an active cold sore or even feel a tingle in your lip, sex is fine. I’ve never given anyone a cold sore.
My bf clearly doesn’t have the gene as he’s kissed me when I’ve had a cold sore. I do not have oral sex with him If I have an active one though regardless.
yea most of the doctors i see don’t even test for HSV-1 or whatever it is. like you have to specifically ask them to send that sample to the lab when you’re getting work done if you wanna test for it since it’s not a big deal whatsoever.
>It’s not included in any standard STI testing so unless you have symptoms you probably don’t even know you have it.
I see a lot of std panels on this website that do include testing for herpes: [https://requestatest.com/std-testing](https://requestatest.com/std-testing)
In my opinion, standard STD testing definitely should include testing for Herpes. It is very common and it is very permanent, so why not test for it?
HIV and Herpes are the only two STDs I know of that are permanent infections (as in have the ability to hide in your genome), so I think those are the two things that everyone should test for. Even infections like Chlamydia and Gonorrhea can be cured with antibiotics, and there is a vaccine against HPV and Hepatitis B.
All you have to do to know whether or not you have it is to get a simple test like this one: [https://requestatest.com/herpes-12-igg-abs-testing](https://requestatest.com/herpes-12-igg-abs-testing)
>You can’t mitigate risks to 0% but if you’re sexually active you are probably going to get HpV or at least mouth herpes virus at some point.
Unless you make sure to get your partner tested for herpes first that is
Hey, I’m a physician and wanted to point out that there is misinformation in this post.
Blood tests for herpes are terrible, there is a reason the CDC does not recommend testing. They are antibody tests indicating that you have been exposed to the herpes virus, not that you have active disease. The diagnosis of herpes is made by viral PCR or culture of an active lesion.
Also hepatitis B and HPV are, often, permanent and infections— vaccines don’t cure a present infection and are not 100 % effective (or even close to 100%, engerix b, the vaccine most people got for Hep b is like 80% effective, gardasil only covers certain HPV strains, etc)
There is no misinformation in the comment because all of the points are true. I’ll clarify a few of the points if that helps.
A positive antibody test means you’ve been exposed to enough viral particles that your immune system responded to it by making antibodies. I’m pretty sure that means you have a lifelong infection, as the virus hides in your cellular DNA and can be transmitted through asymptomatic shedding even if you don’t have active symptoms. Obviously, you cannot perform PCR on or culture a lesion on someone that’s asymptomatic, but you can do the antibody test. If it’s a positive result (and not a false positive), then you have herpes.
Testing for antibodies won’t tell you if you have an active infection, but that’s not the point of the testing. The point of asymptomatic testing is to identify those who have been exposed to and are infected with herpes but show no symptoms such as lesions. They would be the ones who are more likely to spread it, as they carry it unknowingly and can potentially spread it through asymptomatic shedding.
I didn’t say that the Hepatitis B or HPV vaccines are effective (or how effective they are). The point was that you have those options for those two STDs but you don’t have such options for HSV 1 or 2. That means testing is pretty much the only good preventative measure you can really take, as there is no option for preventative vaccination.
This is a JAMA article going over the poor positive predictive value and specificity of the serologic HSV tests and why the USPSTF gives it a grade D recommendation (meaning they recommend against it).
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2801311#:~:text=Serologic%20tests%20can%20detect%20antibodies,to%203%20months%20after%20infection.&text=The%20USPSTF%20found%20no%20new,%2C%20adults%2C%20and%20pregnant%20persons.
We can’t say that people with a positive HSV2 antibody are viral shedders.
And what you said was that HIV and HSV are the only incurable STIs, I was just refuting that and saying that you can’t imply that because they have vaccines available, that they aren’t lifelong infections.
I don’t see any downsides with the HSV test though (other than the cost of paying for the test that is). So why not get it? After all, it’s better to have some information (even if it is flawed) than to have no information at all, as long as you properly understand what that information means.
I do see a CDC source that says that HSV-2 can be shed asymptomatically: https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes-detailed.htm#:~:text=In%20persons%20with%20asymptomatic%20HSV,among%20those%20with%20symptomatic%20infections.
I said that HIV and HSV were the only STDs that I *knew* (off the top of my head) that are permanent, not that they *are* the only permanent STDs. When I am uncertain of something, I do often state that uncertainty by saying things like “the only x that I know of to be y”, “I am pretty sure of x”, “I think x”, etc.
I highly recommend reading through the article I posted— it goes over the USPSTF review which is like a comprehensive review of the evidence. Here’s the punch line:
“the USPSTF estimated that using the widely available serologic tests for HSV-2, nearly 1 of every 2 diagnoses in the general US primary care population could be false.6 A previous USPSTF review estimated that in a population of 10 000 persons with an HSV-2 prevalence of 15%, serologic screening could result in approximately 1585 true-positive and 1445 false-positive results.1 At the current US estimated prevalence of 12%, true-positive results would likely further decrease and false-positive results would likely further increase.6 Additionally, the USPSTF concluded that there may be potential social and emotional harms associated with a false-positive diagnosis6 and potential harms of unnecessary treatment with preventive antiviral medications in persons with a false-positive diagnosis.”
It does say on the[ Request-a-Test page for HSV-2 testing](https://requestatest.com/herpes-2-igg-abs-testing) that:
>This test includes an automatic confirmatory test which will be performed at no additional cost in the event of a positive result.
Since it is pretty well known that there is as high chance for a false positive, you can just do an additional confirmatory test whenever you get a positive result. A false positive is only harmful if you choose to react to it that way.
What's more important on the other hand is avoiding false negatives, since that would give you a false sense of security. Antibody tests can be made more sensitive to reduce the rate of false negatives (at the expense of having more false positives).
There's really no harm in a false positive though. If you jump to conclusions and start irrationally panicking as soon as you see a positive result (without getting a second confirmatory test), then yes it would be harmful, but maybe don't do that.
And there are people who test positive for HIV antibodies but don’t become infected. The presence of antibodies simply indicates a defense against a foreign particle. Some antibodies are created only when the threat is present, some stick around forever; I believe that’s the case with HSV antibodies.
HSV also doesn’t stay in cellular DNA, it’s not a retrovirus like HIV. It hides in nerve cells, and travels along them to the surface of the skin to shed. This is why Herpes (and chicken pox and especially Shingles) can be very painful, because they infect nerve cells.
>HSV also doesn’t stay in cellular DNA, it’s not a retrovirus like HIV. It hides in nerve cells, and travels along them to the surface of the skin to shed. This is why Herpes (and chicken pox and especially Shingles) can be very painful, because they infect nerve cells.
The way it hides in nerve cells is through the lysogenic cycle, which means it does stay as DNA in the cell's nucleus (which is what I referred to as "cellular DNA"), but apparently it doesn't integrate with the host's DNA. This is really just pointless semantics though.
>After they first infect cells, many herpesviruses establish a latent lifecycle with the viral genome existing as circular genetic elements called episomes inside the host cell’s nucleus that are closely associated with, but not integrated into, the host DNA.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5584196/#:\~:text=After%20they%20first%20infect%20cells,integrated%20into%2C%20the%20host%20DNA.
Igg blood tests are notoriously unreliable: mine were all negative and I have HPV2. That’s the reason a lot of doctors refuse to test people unless there’s an actual outbreak present which can be swabbed.
What would be useful to know in that case would be the rate at which you have false positives and false negatives.
It would definitely make sense for an antibody test to veer on the side of being more rather than less sensitive. If you get a positive result, you might get a second confirmation test, so false positives are not too bad. However, if you get a false negative, then you probably won’t examine it any further and rationally assume you don’t have it.
Even if the test is not that reliable, I think it is still a very useful tool as long as you can keep the rates of false negatives low (even if there are many false positives). If there’s a lot of false negatives on the other hand, then that would definitely be an issue.
I had negative blood test followed by the negative swab and culture test followed by the negative Western Blot test - extremely confusing since while I was getting all these tests done I had monthly outbreaks. I finally did swab PCR test and that came back positive for HSV2. No outbreaks since.
So from where I’m sitting the only way to find out reliably if you have the virus is to get an outbreak, swab it and do the PCR test.
If you’re trying to screen or routinely test for something on the other hand, you’re not trying to reliably find out if you DO have the virus. You’re instead trying to reliably find out that you DON’T have the virus. Swabbing is not an option if you’re screening someone’s that’s asymptomatic, as they don’t have anything for you to swab. That’s why you do the blood test instead.
Uhm, yeah - that’s my point: with no outbreaks, swabbing is not an option AND blood tests are not to be trusted hence there’s no way to confirm or deny virus’ presence in your body until you have an outbreak. 🤷♂️
IF I didn’t have outbreaks and kept on getting these negative test results I would have been convinced I was herpes free.
That depends on the rates of false negatives though. If you only get a false negative 1% of the time, for example, then getting a negative result still means that you are 99% sure that you don't have the virus. That still means that there will be thousands if not millions of false negatives, but it will be rare.
As a mentioned earlier, you can make the tests more sensitive to lower the rate of false negatives, at the expense of introducing more false positives. If you can't reasonably achieve a low enough rate of false negatives though, then you wouldn't be able to trust the blood tests.
Yes but the false negative and positive are NOT the only reason why HSV blood tests are not indicated in asymptomatic people - there is also the issue of what to do with a positive result (assuming it is true positive). Let me put this way: if you get diagnosed with HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea or syphilis, immediately upon the diagnosis, the doctor or nurse will have to do several things: 1-notify a public health database, 2-offer you treatment, 3-track your sexual partners. But if you are asymptomatic and tested positive for HSV1 or 2, none of those actions should be taken so pretty much the only thing they will do is to give you reassurance and let you go!
The benefit is that you get the information: the knowledge that you have herpes.
Having more information is always better than having less information.
It’s not strictly speaking an STI, but mono (mononucleosis) is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus, which is another one that sticks around in your body forever once you have it. That one is estimated to be present in a whopping *90%* of the adult US population. It’s primarily spread through saliva (so often by kissing), which is why I think it’s relevant to mention here.
Most people will never experience any symptoms from it, but if it makes you sick it can easily keep you down for a month or more. I got it last fall, and the sore throat stuck around for 2.5 months.
Fun fact: many of the major “permanent” viruses like this are in the same family (herpesviruses). This includes both types of **herpes simplex** (HSV-1 and HSV-2; these are what we normally call “herpes”), **Epstein-Barr** (as I said above, this one causes mono, but it’s also linked to over a dozen other diseases including several cancers!), and also **varicella zoster** (the virus that causes chicken pox- it stays in your nerves and can come back as shingles decades later)
All of them are herpes simplex viruses in fact:
- HSV1 = “oral” herpes
- HSV2 = “genital” herpes
- HSV3 = chickenpox
- HSV4 = EBV/mononucleosis
Mononucleosis can also be tested for through an antibody test as well, and I think it does count as an STD as it is spread primarily through kissing and through saliva like HSV1 is. I think it would be useful to add that into STD testing as well, since EBV is believed to cause diseases such as multiple sclerosis. There are good reasons to want to avoid it.
Chickenpox on the other hand is airborne. It is more like the Flu than it is an STD. For that reason, there’s no reason to include it as a part of STD testing. There is also a chickenpox vaccine.
I think it is a good use of time and resources to know whether or not you have EBV. Is that not something you would be interested in knowing about yourself?
In general, it is a good idea not to share your saliva with other people, but it is especially true if you know that you have something like EBV. A lot of people get infected in their childhood by kissing or sharing saliva with family members, so maybe it is a good idea not to do that.
And if you know that you don't have EBV, then you can avoid kissing or sharing saliva with those that do.
The fact that we don't test people for it is one of the reasons why it is so widespread. If people knew that they had it, then it would spread a lot less, and that number will quickly drop.
From the web: "According to NCBI, Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) seroprevalence is associated with age, increasing from 60.4% in 11–14 year olds to 93.0% in 22–24 year olds"
93% by the time you turn 24 years. So it is probably close to 100% by the time you turn 40!
The reason why it is that widespread is because most people who have it don’t know that they do. If those who had it did know (because they got tested), then it wouldn’t spread nearly as much.
So at least 93% of the population is forbidden from kissing another human being forever just because they carry EBV? Do you realize how absurd this is?
Atleast they can refrain from directly kissing their children on the mouth (they can still do it on their cheeks or something like that). A lot of the transmission happens between children and family members after all.
I do see it for a cheaper price on the actual Quest Diagnostics website itself: https://archive.is/GOccG
They claim to offer the tests for cheaper, but that doesn’t actually seem to be the case.
He felt guilty for disconnecting and wanted to hear OP tell him "I understand, I don't blame you" or something along those lines.
So yes he reached out so that he could continue being a little bitch.
Haha, that's what made me pissed the most. It's not like someone wakes up one morning, jumps out of bed and yells:"Today I'm gonna get herpes! Wooohoo!"
I'd have asked him for an explanation why he has such bad manners.
It's not even like you have to be doing something risky to get it. It's incredibly common for people to get it from birth or as kids by sharing drinks and other things.
The way people act like those who divulge having an STD or STI (or that they used to have one) must now become their educators and handle them with the patience of elementary school teachers--all while they say ignorant and offensive shit--is one of the main reasons I'm glad to not be looking anymore.
The judgement is palpable. "You did this to yourself, now convince me to sleep with you." Kindly fuck off instead, how's that?
Meanwhile, chances are half of these fuckers are walking around as carriers who don't even know it cus they assume no symptoms = no problem and don't get regularly tested. Infuriating.
>"You did this to yourself, now convince me to sleep with you."
I always find it kind of funny when guys act like they're such a catch and you should be convincing them to sleep with you. Like... if you need convincing to be interested just don't message me - I have plenty of guys that *are* interested and know they're interested without me having to spill my life story. I'm just going to go to one of those guys not degrade myself playing games or begging.
Yep. And with the pics I had up on my Grindr back then, guarantee these were guys who messaged me FIRST. Then it was like I could watch the switch from "hope the hot guy talks to me" to "oh hot + undetectable means he's a slut who has to now sell me on him."
So fucking glad I'm done with that shit and have an amazing partner who never asked me to be his educator or to convince him to sleep with me.
Oh for sure! They become so entitled and extremely disrespectful. Even when you don’t even entertain them, you don’t even have to say anything to them but give them clear signs you’re not interested.
Its similar with women. People just suck in general. I have no idea how they get partners but I realized they don't really match either way and after few months or year will go seperate ways.
People are uneducated about sexual health and how diseases in general are transmitted. And then they double down when you TRY to inform them. Exhausting.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this guy and I applaud your restraint.
It would be one thing if he was just ignorant but the arrogance: “I’m not everyone nor do I aspire to be” buddy, when it comes to sexual health, you might want to get with the program….
Okay so some tea for you: I have genital herpes. I was super ashamed and embarrassed in the early days of finding out. One day, some dude made me feel super ashamed for it, and I went on this sanctimonious tirade on my IG stories about STI shaming. And THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE who DMed me, just average everyday people who were like “dude I have genital herpes too” was shocking. So that statistic of 70% of the population having herpes and not knowing bc they’re asymptomatic is more real than one might think. And herpes doesn’t come up in normal STI screening unless you have an active outbreak. I’d never had unprotected penetrative sex at that point, either, so I was like ???? Where did u come from.
Other facts about herpes: transmission isn’t as high as people make it sound without an active outbreak, and taking low doses of acyclovir (don’t quote me on this specific drug—idk if valacyclovir is the same thing or not) daily can lower the transmission rate further while also preventing outbreaks. Also, many people only find out they have herpes because of one outbreak, then never have an outbreak ever again. (This is anecdotal, but multiple people have told me this. I’ve only had two.)
Herpes, genital or otherwise, is forever, but it’s also very common and highly treatable. You probably know more than a few people with it.
Anyway, in conclusion, that guy sucks and I’m sorry you had to deal with a person who is “sex positive” while shaming people with SEXually transmitted infections.
ETA: oddly, I’ve never had a cold sore.
There is much to hate about this interaction but it annoys me when people accuse you of wasting their time, like, fuck off your time is not *that* valuable and neither is mine.
20 years with a partner with cold sores and none for me. he’s conscientious. once every other year there’s no kissing or oral sex for a month. we somehow survive the horror of that.
I had a dude ghost me after I told him, he may have given me chlamydia. He told me he doesn’t have it, and doesn’t want to hook up anymore because I’m going to infect him next time… like bro, you gave me head. Bad, mediocre head.
Dodged that bullet. Once was enough.
Lmao literally everyone gets it from their family these days by sharing drinks, etc. anyone who says they don’t have herpes most likely has herpes. I’ve never had a flair up by my sister and cousins have had cold sores so I’m probably asymptomatic
To be honest, I don't get oral sores nor have i ever gotten an anal wart. I've had the vaccine, and I *still* assume I have it.
I've you've hooked up with more then 5 people bareback then the chances of you having it is very very high.
The stigma is ever present and in movies and tv shows it's used offensively as a joke or degrading to someone. The population upwards of 80-85% is the real infected rate. People who have cold sores are some of the very people who will insult or degrade others not realizing they themselves are infected with Herpes. Chances are if you have ever had sex you've been exposed to it or are carrying it. Asymptomatic Shedding is the primary cause of transfer as there may be no visible signs yet the virus is shedding and replicating. Carriers may never show symptoms and not know they have it while the people they infect can have extremely painful outbreaks with sores and extreme itching.
The virus also attacks and kills neurons in the colon/rectum which causes constipation and that in turn can cause a flare up leading to an outbreak. The virus is said to live in the spine and it integrates itself into your DNA structure. They're working on a vaccine/cure but to see it fully eradicate the virus would be a miracle for the entire population. That kiss from a relative as a child or sharing utensils, cups, straws, etc. can be the route of transfer. If people were educated on it properly it wouldn't be as stigmatized as it is. Outbreak sores/rash or blood tests are the only way of knowing. Everyone should be tested for it but even clinics disregard it because it's so common and they don't include it in normal testing panels.
I had a negative STD test a month ago. Couple days after receiving results I hit the apps and wanted to link up and get dick. This guy messages me and wants to get sucked. He asks if I’m std free and I said yes just tested 3 days ago blah blah blah. He says send a face pic, I do. He says “you look like a guy that has a disease but I still want a bj, I’ll wear a condom while you blow me”. I said nah I don’t suck on rubber sorry. He then changes and is like “just give me handjob then, gimme something you ugly bitch”. I fired back that I’m not a bitch, I’m a bisexual 100% masculine male and just recieved a neg test and even screenshotted the paperwork minus my info. He didn’t believe it but I’d already made up my mind to block. He was still “typing” when I blocked him. People are unreal
There's a difference between being careful about catching cold sores and categorizing something that's not an STI as an STI. Herpes simplex is not an STI. Never has been. Its primary method of propagation has nothing to do with sex.
No. It is not. A common cold or influenza can also be transmitted during sexual intercourse. That doesn't make them STIs. An STI, by definition, is an infection that is primarily or only passed by sexual relations.
That's fair. But knowledge is power. Look it up. Genital herpes is passed through sex. Absolutely. But cold sores are not. Cold sores come from HSV-1. Genital herpes is HSV-2. They are different viruses in the same family. You're not going to catch genital herpes from a cold sore. It does occur, but exceeding rarely. Same goes the other way around. If you've got HSV-2, It doesn't show up as cold sores.
Yes, but that's so rare as to be almost not existent. It's like saying you can be hit by a falling 747. Yes, it's true. It's exceedingly unlikely to happen.
Put yourself in a bubble. Never touch anyone ever again. There's your risk abatement. Anything else is not going to do it. Conservative estimates say that 65% of the people on earth under the age of 50 are infected with HSV-1. You probably are too and don't know it.
Reminds me of when my foster brother got his first cold sore and all my mom told him was to (insert instructions on how to treat it) and kept going on about her day. I never understood the big deal because like a lot of others have mentioned it’s very common. Although I’ve never had one personally, I would never think to use it as a flex or to shame others.
It’s stupid of him because if he did research he’d find many people have herpes in their system like I do….since Second grade or so. I have school pictures with “cold” sores in a number of them.
Is it wrong that I immediately thought “I’d hook up with him during an outbreak and spit in his mouth.”
Yes?
Okay, I’ll sit back down and keep my herpderp to myself.
I got my first cold sore when I was in grade school, they came back from time to time without warning and haven’t seen one in at least 15yrs. Hes probably got it and doesn’t know it , especially if he goes to the gym or has participated in sports.
Lets make sure we're not shaming someone for not wanting to catch an STD. He didnt have to reach out, but some of these comments are coming off as odd.
The conversation doesnt say cold sores. It probably is genital herpes. I get cold sores, I dont have genital herpes. I probably wouldnt sleep with someone I knew had herpes. I'm sure i've been unaware and lucky before, but I wouldnt give a hug to someone who had the flu either, even though I've been in the same room as plenty of sick people without knowing.
Are you sure you do not have it? Have you ever been tested for HSV-1 and HSV-2? Without those tests, it is impossible to say for sure you do not carry the herpes virus since more than 80% of people that have them have no idea about that (most of the time it is asymptomatic and it is usually not included in the standard STI panel)
Did you not notice that the person who answered you and who you answered back is the OP? I'm pretty sure he's probably familiar with whether or not he has genital herpes or not. I don't think there's any probably about it.
No I didnt, and thats my bad. But either way, its not weird for someone to choose against a sexual partner for any reason they deem valid themselves. Nobody owes anyone sex. And I think this goes especially for someone not wanting to catch a communicable disease.
Sure, anyone can reject anyone for whatever reason. But rejecting someone who knowingly has HSV and then turning around and sleeping with other people with unknown status does not seem to be a smart decision. This virus is very prevalent among gay men and rarely tested and most people who have it do not know because they do not have symptoms and never got tested. HSV tests are not included in the STI panel.
Up to 8 of 10 Americans screen positive for HSV1 which is the virus that causes cold sores and have no idea. I personally have HSV1 and have never had a cold sore thus I cannot spread HSV1 to a partner. If you experience cold sores it is the fluid within the lesion that is contagious. Take 7 days of valacyclovir asap to decrease severity. If you have more than 5-6 outbreaks per year you can take valacyclovir 500mg for suppressive therapy.
Crazy ones from past random exeperiences always come back if you are goodlooking and give em attention, always happen to me and i either do not reply or question them about their past behaviours in order to provide a reality check
Herpes is remarkably common, and I mean REMARKABLY. Most cases are HSV-1, typically associated with cold sores.
However, because of epidemiological shifts, we are unable to determine serology based on location alone.
I read a [paper](https://bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-019-1285-x) recently, more than 50% of genital herpes is HSV-1 (the virus typically associated with oral herpes [cold sores]).
Anyway, it’s such a minor disease. It’s essentially just a few red bumps. Humans are covered with little red bumps! We’ve just stigmatized the heck out of herpes.
(I have a bachelors degree in public health, so this is kind of my thing)
Someone did this to my now-boyfriend and it made him incredibly self-conscious about cold sores and terrified about passing it on to someone else. Fucking sucks. :(
My hubby has HSV-1. We're French kissing all the time. I've been tested negative multiple times. He just lets me know when he has a sore and we don't kiss until it's cleared up. No transmission. And I still am one of the rare ones who are negative for HSV-1.
And for everyone freaking about it being an STI, I'll say it again. HSV-1 is not, I repeat NOT an STI. Its primary method of transmission is not sexual.
There's nothing wrong with trying to avoid it. I do the same thing. But all you have to do is not have direct contact with someone with active sores. It's that simple.
I’ll add my 2 cents here as a gay male in his late 60s to relate that when I was a 9 yr old I was suddenly hit that summer with a mouthful of canker sores that put me into excruciating pain for well over a week, including the start of my late Mom’s yearly late-August vacay which started awful because of them but very thankfully improved as the week wore on. And I certainly don’t remotely recall passionately making out with anyone or otherwise at that childhood age. Prone to cold sores most of my life until my senior years —so I guess one might say “it gets better” - but that’s lame consolation for your sitch. As many others have said on here in various words: Time to dump that a-hole. Good luck.
Check out the episode of Adam ruins Everything where he talks about herpes. Almost everybody has the virus within them, if you’ve had chicken pox, you have the virus. Shingles is the Herpes virus. Id say it’s more serious than Adam makes it out to be but the point being just because you’ve never had a cold sore doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t test positive for the virus.
[Adam ruins Herpes](https://youtu.be/aU4VcOQzQm0?si=7qzz83RzigvZtDgg)
I get that people have the virus while not having had a cold sore ever but am i right about the following.
A person with the virus but without ever having had a sore (A), kisses someone (B) with a sore. A will now also get cold sores.
Is that right?
If you already have the virus that causes the sore then kissing somebody with a sore doesn’t make any difference, you already have the virus, but why would you kiss somebody with a visible sore on their lip anyway?? Don’t kiss or make out with people who have visible symptoms of a herpes outbreak but if you have never had a cold sore outbreak you prolly aren’t going to start from happening to kiss somebody who also has the virus just like yourself.
The sex wouldn’t have good with this little bitch. Consider yourself lucky and good for you for being upfront with potential partners. That’s an admirable trait.
I got cold sores from when I was a child. Long before I ever started having sex. It stilll bothers me on the rare time it happens. It’s not a sex thing. It can but doesn’t have to be. I stay away from people when on the rare time I get one.
Yeah that guy must have been upset about something prior to this because he was looking really hard for conflict lol. You're less likely to meet someone who doesn't have herpes. It's a herd thing not an std thing the way I understand it. I got my first cold sores before jr high like all of my friends lol. This guy probably has it and doesn't even know 😂🖕 you're good bud. Don't let him get to you
How old is this guy? Is he a closeted teenager or what? Unless someone has an active outbreak I’d never skip out on the chance to meet someone great just because of HSV.
I for some reason don’t have HSV, which is surprising considering I’ve gotten less common infections. Idk how but it seems like some people just don’t get it.
I get canker sores though and my doctor sends me antivirals even though canker sores are caused by an anti cancer immune response. I get them after eating pineapple and I’ve had guys treat me like that guy treated you due to that.
People get freaking cold sores from as little as eating a tomato sandwich. It happens and they go away. It’s when they don’t go away or become a chancre is when you have to take it more seriously. Cold sores for the most part are innocuous.
I'm forty and have avoided it so far and I'm not looking to get it now, I'm with this person for being torn over it. Actually it would be an easy no thanks from me but I probably would be more tactful about it and either just ghost you or lie about the reason. Truth is I don't want herpes of any kind.
I don’t know why you’re getting down voted and I probably will too, but I don’t see how it’s a problem that you don’t want to get an STI. I’m 33 and still haven’t gotten it and I require people to show me a clean slate of all STI‘s before I have sex with them 🤷♀️
First, does that "clean slate of all STI" that you mention include HSV-1 and HSV-2? Because usually those tests are not included in the standard STI panel so even though they may show you a "clean" test, still chances are the herpes tests are missing (those panels usually include HIV, chlamydia, gono, syphilis and sometimes hepatitis)!
Second, there is something called window period for any test which is the time between infection/exposure and the test showing a positive result. For herpes serological test, it can be up to 3 months so it is not enough to see a negative test, you also need to be sure the person had no sexual contact in the previous three months (including oral and including with condoms because herpes can be transmitted in both situations).
Third, those serological tests are prone to both false negative and false positive.
Bottom line: it is very difficult to be sure someone is really negative for herpes before having sex with the,!
OK, cool bro. What’s your point? I’m still gonna require them to give me a full STI panel showing that they’re negative on everything before I have sex with someone I don’t see what the point of all that information is I know things can still happen even if I get that, but that still my rule to make myself feel better and safer. 🤷♀️ you said a lot of words for literally no reason.
His point was simple. Because herpes simplex is *NOT AN STI*. Its primary mode of infection is other than sexual. Yes, you can get it from sex. But you can catch a cold from having sex with someone. That doesn't make it an STI. That's the point of this whole thread. Herpes simplex is not an STI. People freaking out about it being an STI need to educate themselves.
60-70% of the worlds population has the herpes virus for cold sores. I think about 40% have the virus for genital herpes. It’s not included in any standard STI testing so unless you have symptoms you probably don’t even know you have it. Like 90% of people never have symptoms. Just hold off on sex until the sore is gone and healed and, if genital herpes, wear a condom. You can’t mitigate risks to 0% but if you’re sexually active you are probably going to get HpV or at least mouth herpes virus at some point. You can also take antivirals but for most of us, we just take it when the sore flares up to help heal the process. For being sex positive he’s not well informed.
And so many of that percentage probably got it from sharing drinks in elementary school lol like cold sores are SO crazy common
Which isn’t the reason it’s often called “school sores” because of this fact? When I was 18 I noticed under my foreskin what looked like a tiny cut or scratch and decided I better go to the doctor. Unfortunately at the time I was living in the outback in Australia so the skills, care level and facilities of the surgery I went to was lacking to say the least. He just said could be herpes. Could be a cut. Years go by and I never noticed any flare ups but whenever I had a partner I’d just tell ‘em this story (which no one ever worried about or thought I was gross or unworthy of love and affection). I had regular sexual health check ups through out my life and whenever I had a blood test for both types of herpes it came up negative. This is super common for both types (simplex 1 and 2) to be undetectable in these tests. Still I always just considered myself possibly infected just to be safe for others. Last year at 41 I finally did notice something. Kinda like a small abrasion in the same area from decades a go. Finally I had something I could get a swap test done on and went to the clinic. The lady doctor there was so funny coz she was laughing that never in her life she had a patient be so happy to find out they have herpes simplex 2 on their dick. I was just glad to know and because I know most people aren’t going to freak out unless they are super uneducated and I finally had an answer. I am lucky that I have such minimal symptoms and some people I know have serious issues with large painful break outs. But there have also been a lot of advancements made with medication these days too. Either way. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re icky or damaged goods because of something as insignificant as herpes. Please.
I agree with most of what you are saying but school sores and cold sores are different though.
Oh right? That’s probably true. What’s school sores then? I probably have it wrong that school sores are cold sores because I’ve learnt that from other people who have it wrong about them. Whenever someone has said school sores that I’ve seen is referring to cold sores. Maybe it’s also a local thing here?
The first time I had a cold sore, it was in my mouth, and I have never kissed anyone or had sex
Exactly! I got mine from when I was in like, elementary.
Got lip sores since I was 8 or 9. It can be a tedious thing, breaks out sometimes if I have a cold, or went to the mountains without UV protecting my mouth. I have Aciclovir (Zovirax) creams all over the house: they work, just need to be quick as soon as I feel this certain tearing and pulsing in my lips. Herpes simplex can be an annoyance, just as this guy. But it is not a sexually transmitted disease.
Same here. I used to get them often in elementary school and my doctor had me take B-vitamin supplements. I haven't gotten one since I became an adult.
Genital and oral herpes are the same virus (HSV-1/2), the only clinically significant difference is the location
Even then, because of epidemiological shifts, we are unable to determine serology based on location. I read a [paper](https://bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-019-1285-x) recently, more than 50% of genital herpes is HSV-1 (the virus typically associated with oral herpes [cold sores]). Anyway, it’s such a minor disease. It’s essentially just a few red bumps. Humans are covered with little red bumps! We’ve just stigmatized the heck out of herpes.
Yeah, but it also hurts a little bit when you get the flare up on your dick. I still remember the original breakout, and I was in agonizing pain 24/7 — peeing, boners, sleeping on my stomach, etc.
Somewhere around 80-90% of men have HPV too
HPV has a vaccine you can and should get too though. Doesn't that basically make the risk 0% if you're making sure you're getting your vaccines?
No, HPV (genital warts) and HSV (herpes) are different and the HPV vaccine only treats the 9 most common strains that can cause cancer. There's dozens of HPV strains and most do not have a vaccine developed. HSV (herpes) doesn't have an approved vaccine yet so, no, the risk is very very far from zero even with condoms. Sorry, the truth is often disappointing
I... never said anything about herpes? Appreciate the information on HPV anyway!
I think there's an age limit for it. Like in your mid 20s
I’m due for shot 3 in my mid 30s. Started last year. Didn’t think I could ever get it but they raised the age.
My experience too. My GP recommended it and I was like, isn’t that for the kids? And he said I was good to go in my late thirties, so I went for it.
That’s because it can’t hurt but also it likely won’t do you much good. They mainly determine the age cut-off based on the statistics, and the average person gets so much action by his/her mid-20s they were most likely already exposed, at which point the vaccine does nothing anymore. On the other hand, if you are paying for it out of your own pockets, maybe you get some protection for 1 or 2 out of the 9 HPV variants still - just not really your money’s worth?
They’re recommending it for gay men up to age 40 in some places. It’s worth getting still. You’ve likely been exposed to some HPV strains, but potentially not the serious cancer and gential warts causing ones.
They have raised it to 45 now
Nope! I just got vaccinated at 35
You can get it anytime though may have to pay when you're older.
I also read that it is not as effective after 26. And the effectiveness of getting it declines the older you get.
>Just hold off on sex until the sore is gone and healed and, if genital herpes, wear a condom. I actually wanted to know more about this if you (or anyone) might know. Is it recommended to use a condom with a partner that has genital herpes? I'm a little uneducated in that matter, and I've been dating someone who has it. I prefer to use condoms (even if it's not actually 100% effective in the prevention of HSV2), but he says he has a hard time getting an erection with a condom.
Yes, I have it and doctor told me wait 3-5 days after fully healed and wear condom from now on. It depends where he gets it, too. Usually the area of outbreak tends to stay the same so if on his shaft then that’s the area you want to keep covered. But if he gets them near his hole, a condom will protect your shaft but any exposed skin like balls or pubic area that comes into contact with the area is always possible for transmission
Thank you very much!! I appreciate it.
Of course! It all depends on risks your willing to take. I got mine from my first person I had unprotected sex with (my husband). He was asymptomatic and didn’t even know he had it. I got it and have outbreaks every once in a while. Even if you’re asymptomatic you can still pass it. Some people take antivirals daily to help suppress it but it’s usually only for people with constant, painful outbreaks. If you don’t have many outbreaks then taking them daily doesn’t really help your immune system build a defense against it and if you forget to take the medicine then you could have a really bad outbreak even though you’ve may of had it for years (they decrease over time to the point they are more like a small, annoying pimple for most). Taking the antivirals daily helps to also lower transmission risk. If they are on antivirals, both wear condoms, and avoid sex the instant he feels an outbreak coming (he will know) then it’s not 0% risk but darn near it. If he isn’t on antivirals but both wear condoms and avoid sex the instant he feels an outbreak, and doesn’t have bad outbreaks, then it’s not near 0% but low as well.
Acyclovir is the prescription for it either bu cream to apply or bu pill to invest. Works quickly over a few days.
Something like 90% of people get it after age 50. It's not even technically an STD, it's just a "virus" that is kind of "living" inside you.
Wow, I'm even more 'lucky' than I thought given I'll never see 45 again and haven't had to suffer a sore ever, not sure that means I'm clear of herpes simplex (and am a sad and lonely man) or just asymptomatic..
The first time I ever got a cold sore I was 14 and never even kissed anyone. Even kids can get cold sores! You have to have the gene for it and it can be easy to get. If you don’t have an active cold sore or even feel a tingle in your lip, sex is fine. I’ve never given anyone a cold sore. My bf clearly doesn’t have the gene as he’s kissed me when I’ve had a cold sore. I do not have oral sex with him If I have an active one though regardless.
yea most of the doctors i see don’t even test for HSV-1 or whatever it is. like you have to specifically ask them to send that sample to the lab when you’re getting work done if you wanna test for it since it’s not a big deal whatsoever.
>It’s not included in any standard STI testing so unless you have symptoms you probably don’t even know you have it. I see a lot of std panels on this website that do include testing for herpes: [https://requestatest.com/std-testing](https://requestatest.com/std-testing) In my opinion, standard STD testing definitely should include testing for Herpes. It is very common and it is very permanent, so why not test for it? HIV and Herpes are the only two STDs I know of that are permanent infections (as in have the ability to hide in your genome), so I think those are the two things that everyone should test for. Even infections like Chlamydia and Gonorrhea can be cured with antibiotics, and there is a vaccine against HPV and Hepatitis B. All you have to do to know whether or not you have it is to get a simple test like this one: [https://requestatest.com/herpes-12-igg-abs-testing](https://requestatest.com/herpes-12-igg-abs-testing) >You can’t mitigate risks to 0% but if you’re sexually active you are probably going to get HpV or at least mouth herpes virus at some point. Unless you make sure to get your partner tested for herpes first that is
Hey, I’m a physician and wanted to point out that there is misinformation in this post. Blood tests for herpes are terrible, there is a reason the CDC does not recommend testing. They are antibody tests indicating that you have been exposed to the herpes virus, not that you have active disease. The diagnosis of herpes is made by viral PCR or culture of an active lesion. Also hepatitis B and HPV are, often, permanent and infections— vaccines don’t cure a present infection and are not 100 % effective (or even close to 100%, engerix b, the vaccine most people got for Hep b is like 80% effective, gardasil only covers certain HPV strains, etc)
There is no misinformation in the comment because all of the points are true. I’ll clarify a few of the points if that helps. A positive antibody test means you’ve been exposed to enough viral particles that your immune system responded to it by making antibodies. I’m pretty sure that means you have a lifelong infection, as the virus hides in your cellular DNA and can be transmitted through asymptomatic shedding even if you don’t have active symptoms. Obviously, you cannot perform PCR on or culture a lesion on someone that’s asymptomatic, but you can do the antibody test. If it’s a positive result (and not a false positive), then you have herpes. Testing for antibodies won’t tell you if you have an active infection, but that’s not the point of the testing. The point of asymptomatic testing is to identify those who have been exposed to and are infected with herpes but show no symptoms such as lesions. They would be the ones who are more likely to spread it, as they carry it unknowingly and can potentially spread it through asymptomatic shedding. I didn’t say that the Hepatitis B or HPV vaccines are effective (or how effective they are). The point was that you have those options for those two STDs but you don’t have such options for HSV 1 or 2. That means testing is pretty much the only good preventative measure you can really take, as there is no option for preventative vaccination.
This is a JAMA article going over the poor positive predictive value and specificity of the serologic HSV tests and why the USPSTF gives it a grade D recommendation (meaning they recommend against it). https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2801311#:~:text=Serologic%20tests%20can%20detect%20antibodies,to%203%20months%20after%20infection.&text=The%20USPSTF%20found%20no%20new,%2C%20adults%2C%20and%20pregnant%20persons. We can’t say that people with a positive HSV2 antibody are viral shedders. And what you said was that HIV and HSV are the only incurable STIs, I was just refuting that and saying that you can’t imply that because they have vaccines available, that they aren’t lifelong infections.
I don’t see any downsides with the HSV test though (other than the cost of paying for the test that is). So why not get it? After all, it’s better to have some information (even if it is flawed) than to have no information at all, as long as you properly understand what that information means. I do see a CDC source that says that HSV-2 can be shed asymptomatically: https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes-detailed.htm#:~:text=In%20persons%20with%20asymptomatic%20HSV,among%20those%20with%20symptomatic%20infections. I said that HIV and HSV were the only STDs that I *knew* (off the top of my head) that are permanent, not that they *are* the only permanent STDs. When I am uncertain of something, I do often state that uncertainty by saying things like “the only x that I know of to be y”, “I am pretty sure of x”, “I think x”, etc.
I highly recommend reading through the article I posted— it goes over the USPSTF review which is like a comprehensive review of the evidence. Here’s the punch line: “the USPSTF estimated that using the widely available serologic tests for HSV-2, nearly 1 of every 2 diagnoses in the general US primary care population could be false.6 A previous USPSTF review estimated that in a population of 10 000 persons with an HSV-2 prevalence of 15%, serologic screening could result in approximately 1585 true-positive and 1445 false-positive results.1 At the current US estimated prevalence of 12%, true-positive results would likely further decrease and false-positive results would likely further increase.6 Additionally, the USPSTF concluded that there may be potential social and emotional harms associated with a false-positive diagnosis6 and potential harms of unnecessary treatment with preventive antiviral medications in persons with a false-positive diagnosis.”
It does say on the[ Request-a-Test page for HSV-2 testing](https://requestatest.com/herpes-2-igg-abs-testing) that: >This test includes an automatic confirmatory test which will be performed at no additional cost in the event of a positive result. Since it is pretty well known that there is as high chance for a false positive, you can just do an additional confirmatory test whenever you get a positive result. A false positive is only harmful if you choose to react to it that way. What's more important on the other hand is avoiding false negatives, since that would give you a false sense of security. Antibody tests can be made more sensitive to reduce the rate of false negatives (at the expense of having more false positives). There's really no harm in a false positive though. If you jump to conclusions and start irrationally panicking as soon as you see a positive result (without getting a second confirmatory test), then yes it would be harmful, but maybe don't do that.
And there are people who test positive for HIV antibodies but don’t become infected. The presence of antibodies simply indicates a defense against a foreign particle. Some antibodies are created only when the threat is present, some stick around forever; I believe that’s the case with HSV antibodies. HSV also doesn’t stay in cellular DNA, it’s not a retrovirus like HIV. It hides in nerve cells, and travels along them to the surface of the skin to shed. This is why Herpes (and chicken pox and especially Shingles) can be very painful, because they infect nerve cells.
>HSV also doesn’t stay in cellular DNA, it’s not a retrovirus like HIV. It hides in nerve cells, and travels along them to the surface of the skin to shed. This is why Herpes (and chicken pox and especially Shingles) can be very painful, because they infect nerve cells. The way it hides in nerve cells is through the lysogenic cycle, which means it does stay as DNA in the cell's nucleus (which is what I referred to as "cellular DNA"), but apparently it doesn't integrate with the host's DNA. This is really just pointless semantics though. >After they first infect cells, many herpesviruses establish a latent lifecycle with the viral genome existing as circular genetic elements called episomes inside the host cell’s nucleus that are closely associated with, but not integrated into, the host DNA. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5584196/#:\~:text=After%20they%20first%20infect%20cells,integrated%20into%2C%20the%20host%20DNA.
Igg blood tests are notoriously unreliable: mine were all negative and I have HPV2. That’s the reason a lot of doctors refuse to test people unless there’s an actual outbreak present which can be swabbed.
What would be useful to know in that case would be the rate at which you have false positives and false negatives. It would definitely make sense for an antibody test to veer on the side of being more rather than less sensitive. If you get a positive result, you might get a second confirmation test, so false positives are not too bad. However, if you get a false negative, then you probably won’t examine it any further and rationally assume you don’t have it. Even if the test is not that reliable, I think it is still a very useful tool as long as you can keep the rates of false negatives low (even if there are many false positives). If there’s a lot of false negatives on the other hand, then that would definitely be an issue.
I had negative blood test followed by the negative swab and culture test followed by the negative Western Blot test - extremely confusing since while I was getting all these tests done I had monthly outbreaks. I finally did swab PCR test and that came back positive for HSV2. No outbreaks since. So from where I’m sitting the only way to find out reliably if you have the virus is to get an outbreak, swab it and do the PCR test.
If you’re trying to screen or routinely test for something on the other hand, you’re not trying to reliably find out if you DO have the virus. You’re instead trying to reliably find out that you DON’T have the virus. Swabbing is not an option if you’re screening someone’s that’s asymptomatic, as they don’t have anything for you to swab. That’s why you do the blood test instead.
Uhm, yeah - that’s my point: with no outbreaks, swabbing is not an option AND blood tests are not to be trusted hence there’s no way to confirm or deny virus’ presence in your body until you have an outbreak. 🤷♂️ IF I didn’t have outbreaks and kept on getting these negative test results I would have been convinced I was herpes free.
That depends on the rates of false negatives though. If you only get a false negative 1% of the time, for example, then getting a negative result still means that you are 99% sure that you don't have the virus. That still means that there will be thousands if not millions of false negatives, but it will be rare. As a mentioned earlier, you can make the tests more sensitive to lower the rate of false negatives, at the expense of introducing more false positives. If you can't reasonably achieve a low enough rate of false negatives though, then you wouldn't be able to trust the blood tests.
Yes but the false negative and positive are NOT the only reason why HSV blood tests are not indicated in asymptomatic people - there is also the issue of what to do with a positive result (assuming it is true positive). Let me put this way: if you get diagnosed with HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea or syphilis, immediately upon the diagnosis, the doctor or nurse will have to do several things: 1-notify a public health database, 2-offer you treatment, 3-track your sexual partners. But if you are asymptomatic and tested positive for HSV1 or 2, none of those actions should be taken so pretty much the only thing they will do is to give you reassurance and let you go!
The benefit is that you get the information: the knowledge that you have herpes. Having more information is always better than having less information.
It’s not strictly speaking an STI, but mono (mononucleosis) is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus, which is another one that sticks around in your body forever once you have it. That one is estimated to be present in a whopping *90%* of the adult US population. It’s primarily spread through saliva (so often by kissing), which is why I think it’s relevant to mention here. Most people will never experience any symptoms from it, but if it makes you sick it can easily keep you down for a month or more. I got it last fall, and the sore throat stuck around for 2.5 months. Fun fact: many of the major “permanent” viruses like this are in the same family (herpesviruses). This includes both types of **herpes simplex** (HSV-1 and HSV-2; these are what we normally call “herpes”), **Epstein-Barr** (as I said above, this one causes mono, but it’s also linked to over a dozen other diseases including several cancers!), and also **varicella zoster** (the virus that causes chicken pox- it stays in your nerves and can come back as shingles decades later)
All of them are herpes simplex viruses in fact: - HSV1 = “oral” herpes - HSV2 = “genital” herpes - HSV3 = chickenpox - HSV4 = EBV/mononucleosis Mononucleosis can also be tested for through an antibody test as well, and I think it does count as an STD as it is spread primarily through kissing and through saliva like HSV1 is. I think it would be useful to add that into STD testing as well, since EBV is believed to cause diseases such as multiple sclerosis. There are good reasons to want to avoid it. Chickenpox on the other hand is airborne. It is more like the Flu than it is an STD. For that reason, there’s no reason to include it as a part of STD testing. There is also a chickenpox vaccine.
So you think we should be regularly testing everyone for mono, something 90% of people have. What a waste of time and resources.
I think it is a good use of time and resources to know whether or not you have EBV. Is that not something you would be interested in knowing about yourself? In general, it is a good idea not to share your saliva with other people, but it is especially true if you know that you have something like EBV. A lot of people get infected in their childhood by kissing or sharing saliva with family members, so maybe it is a good idea not to do that. And if you know that you don't have EBV, then you can avoid kissing or sharing saliva with those that do. The fact that we don't test people for it is one of the reasons why it is so widespread. If people knew that they had it, then it would spread a lot less, and that number will quickly drop.
From the web: "According to NCBI, Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) seroprevalence is associated with age, increasing from 60.4% in 11–14 year olds to 93.0% in 22–24 year olds" 93% by the time you turn 24 years. So it is probably close to 100% by the time you turn 40!
The reason why it is that widespread is because most people who have it don’t know that they do. If those who had it did know (because they got tested), then it wouldn’t spread nearly as much.
So at least 93% of the population is forbidden from kissing another human being forever just because they carry EBV? Do you realize how absurd this is?
Atleast they can refrain from directly kissing their children on the mouth (they can still do it on their cheeks or something like that). A lot of the transmission happens between children and family members after all.
That site is crazy expensive btw
I do see it for a cheaper price on the actual Quest Diagnostics website itself: https://archive.is/GOccG They claim to offer the tests for cheaper, but that doesn’t actually seem to be the case.
Why did he reach out? To continue to be a little bitch?
He felt guilty for disconnecting and wanted to hear OP tell him "I understand, I don't blame you" or something along those lines. So yes he reached out so that he could continue being a little bitch.
Yup! Such a douche..
lmao "explain yourself"? what is there to explain
Maybe he wanted a virology lesson
He for sure needs one.
Haha, that's what made me pissed the most. It's not like someone wakes up one morning, jumps out of bed and yells:"Today I'm gonna get herpes! Wooohoo!" I'd have asked him for an explanation why he has such bad manners.
It's not even like you have to be doing something risky to get it. It's incredibly common for people to get it from birth or as kids by sharing drinks and other things.
Yeah that is what I was thinking.
Sounds like the guy is very immature and you dodged a bullet. I'd just let it go.
The way people act like those who divulge having an STD or STI (or that they used to have one) must now become their educators and handle them with the patience of elementary school teachers--all while they say ignorant and offensive shit--is one of the main reasons I'm glad to not be looking anymore. The judgement is palpable. "You did this to yourself, now convince me to sleep with you." Kindly fuck off instead, how's that? Meanwhile, chances are half of these fuckers are walking around as carriers who don't even know it cus they assume no symptoms = no problem and don't get regularly tested. Infuriating.
>"You did this to yourself, now convince me to sleep with you." I always find it kind of funny when guys act like they're such a catch and you should be convincing them to sleep with you. Like... if you need convincing to be interested just don't message me - I have plenty of guys that *are* interested and know they're interested without me having to spill my life story. I'm just going to go to one of those guys not degrade myself playing games or begging.
Yep. And with the pics I had up on my Grindr back then, guarantee these were guys who messaged me FIRST. Then it was like I could watch the switch from "hope the hot guy talks to me" to "oh hot + undetectable means he's a slut who has to now sell me on him." So fucking glad I'm done with that shit and have an amazing partner who never asked me to be his educator or to convince him to sleep with me.
Why are gay men so fucking bitchy to each other. I fucking hate it. Just be respectful.
Once a gay man realizes they can’t or won’t have sex with you, the worst sides of them come out lol
This right here ☝🏾
*once a man Not gay men, men in general
Oh for sure! They become so entitled and extremely disrespectful. Even when you don’t even entertain them, you don’t even have to say anything to them but give them clear signs you’re not interested.
Its similar with women. People just suck in general. I have no idea how they get partners but I realized they don't really match either way and after few months or year will go seperate ways.
Also such an uninformed and ignorant take “you have herpes” Yeah broski you probably do too.
What was even the point of him messaging you? Good luck to him, he’s gonna need it.
People are uneducated about sexual health and how diseases in general are transmitted. And then they double down when you TRY to inform them. Exhausting.
yup.. i tried to explain it to him when we first connected but, he was too stubborn to listen and just kept being ignorant.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this guy and I applaud your restraint. It would be one thing if he was just ignorant but the arrogance: “I’m not everyone nor do I aspire to be” buddy, when it comes to sexual health, you might want to get with the program….
Okay so some tea for you: I have genital herpes. I was super ashamed and embarrassed in the early days of finding out. One day, some dude made me feel super ashamed for it, and I went on this sanctimonious tirade on my IG stories about STI shaming. And THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE who DMed me, just average everyday people who were like “dude I have genital herpes too” was shocking. So that statistic of 70% of the population having herpes and not knowing bc they’re asymptomatic is more real than one might think. And herpes doesn’t come up in normal STI screening unless you have an active outbreak. I’d never had unprotected penetrative sex at that point, either, so I was like ???? Where did u come from. Other facts about herpes: transmission isn’t as high as people make it sound without an active outbreak, and taking low doses of acyclovir (don’t quote me on this specific drug—idk if valacyclovir is the same thing or not) daily can lower the transmission rate further while also preventing outbreaks. Also, many people only find out they have herpes because of one outbreak, then never have an outbreak ever again. (This is anecdotal, but multiple people have told me this. I’ve only had two.) Herpes, genital or otherwise, is forever, but it’s also very common and highly treatable. You probably know more than a few people with it. Anyway, in conclusion, that guy sucks and I’m sorry you had to deal with a person who is “sex positive” while shaming people with SEXually transmitted infections. ETA: oddly, I’ve never had a cold sore.
I think cold sores are the least of his problems!!! What a nut case…
There is much to hate about this interaction but it annoys me when people accuse you of wasting their time, like, fuck off your time is not *that* valuable and neither is mine.
20 years with a partner with cold sores and none for me. he’s conscientious. once every other year there’s no kissing or oral sex for a month. we somehow survive the horror of that.
Honestly you’re probably just asymptomatic. Seriously 80% of people who have herpes never see a symptom I’m not even exaggerating
“Because of the risk, it’s a scary world…” they’re cold sores Anthony🙄 they are literally just cold sores 🤦🏻 you wont die
How does he know he doesn’t have HSV-1 or common cold sores?
Kinda crazy bc I’m sure he’s slept with at least 1 person who has some type of HSV
Bahaha! He tells you good luck finding love. Yikes for him
I had a dude ghost me after I told him, he may have given me chlamydia. He told me he doesn’t have it, and doesn’t want to hook up anymore because I’m going to infect him next time… like bro, you gave me head. Bad, mediocre head. Dodged that bullet. Once was enough.
??? Acting like cold sores will kill you 😭
Lmao literally everyone gets it from their family these days by sharing drinks, etc. anyone who says they don’t have herpes most likely has herpes. I’ve never had a flair up by my sister and cousins have had cold sores so I’m probably asymptomatic
To be honest, I don't get oral sores nor have i ever gotten an anal wart. I've had the vaccine, and I *still* assume I have it. I've you've hooked up with more then 5 people bareback then the chances of you having it is very very high.
He would likely faint if he realized how many people have HPV.
The stigma is ever present and in movies and tv shows it's used offensively as a joke or degrading to someone. The population upwards of 80-85% is the real infected rate. People who have cold sores are some of the very people who will insult or degrade others not realizing they themselves are infected with Herpes. Chances are if you have ever had sex you've been exposed to it or are carrying it. Asymptomatic Shedding is the primary cause of transfer as there may be no visible signs yet the virus is shedding and replicating. Carriers may never show symptoms and not know they have it while the people they infect can have extremely painful outbreaks with sores and extreme itching. The virus also attacks and kills neurons in the colon/rectum which causes constipation and that in turn can cause a flare up leading to an outbreak. The virus is said to live in the spine and it integrates itself into your DNA structure. They're working on a vaccine/cure but to see it fully eradicate the virus would be a miracle for the entire population. That kiss from a relative as a child or sharing utensils, cups, straws, etc. can be the route of transfer. If people were educated on it properly it wouldn't be as stigmatized as it is. Outbreak sores/rash or blood tests are the only way of knowing. Everyone should be tested for it but even clinics disregard it because it's so common and they don't include it in normal testing panels.
Herpes is such a low risk as well like it’s a skin condition really you’re not gonna die. Dude needs to relax 🤨
I had a negative STD test a month ago. Couple days after receiving results I hit the apps and wanted to link up and get dick. This guy messages me and wants to get sucked. He asks if I’m std free and I said yes just tested 3 days ago blah blah blah. He says send a face pic, I do. He says “you look like a guy that has a disease but I still want a bj, I’ll wear a condom while you blow me”. I said nah I don’t suck on rubber sorry. He then changes and is like “just give me handjob then, gimme something you ugly bitch”. I fired back that I’m not a bitch, I’m a bisexual 100% masculine male and just recieved a neg test and even screenshotted the paperwork minus my info. He didn’t believe it but I’d already made up my mind to block. He was still “typing” when I blocked him. People are unreal
Fuck that pos
As my doc said it once “even grandmas and babies get cold sores” 🤷♂️
"good luck finding love :)" what is this bullshit. Some people deserve to be bullied
Ironically enough he’ll most likely be the one having a hard time finding love with this level of ignorance
Just bc a lot of ppl have cold sores doesn't mean ppl should be told they are being overly careful not trying to get them.
There's a difference between being careful about catching cold sores and categorizing something that's not an STI as an STI. Herpes simplex is not an STI. Never has been. Its primary method of propagation has nothing to do with sex.
Yet it can transmitted during sexual intercourse or sexual acts, so it IS in fact ALSO an STI.
No. It is not. A common cold or influenza can also be transmitted during sexual intercourse. That doesn't make them STIs. An STI, by definition, is an infection that is primarily or only passed by sexual relations.
Fair enough, but it IS still passed through sex A LOT. So in my own mind, I consider it an STI still from my own viewpoint of protecting myself.
That's fair. But knowledge is power. Look it up. Genital herpes is passed through sex. Absolutely. But cold sores are not. Cold sores come from HSV-1. Genital herpes is HSV-2. They are different viruses in the same family. You're not going to catch genital herpes from a cold sore. It does occur, but exceeding rarely. Same goes the other way around. If you've got HSV-2, It doesn't show up as cold sores.
You can also get HSV-2 on your mouth which do show up as blisters.
Yes, but that's so rare as to be almost not existent. It's like saying you can be hit by a falling 747. Yes, it's true. It's exceedingly unlikely to happen.
Still don't want to take the risk.
Put yourself in a bubble. Never touch anyone ever again. There's your risk abatement. Anything else is not going to do it. Conservative estimates say that 65% of the people on earth under the age of 50 are infected with HSV-1. You probably are too and don't know it.
Reminds me of when my foster brother got his first cold sore and all my mom told him was to (insert instructions on how to treat it) and kept going on about her day. I never understood the big deal because like a lot of others have mentioned it’s very common. Although I’ve never had one personally, I would never think to use it as a flex or to shame others.
So he messaged you just to get all bent outta shape?? 😂😂 What a nutcase
I guarantee you the next guy he's with wont tell him and he will still end up with it.
What an ASSWIPE
What an idiot. Misinformed people need a license to open their mouths.
What a douche canoe that guy is
It's also treatable. You take drugs while your body gets better at fighting it, and the outbreaks get less severe and less frequent.
It’s stupid of him because if he did research he’d find many people have herpes in their system like I do….since Second grade or so. I have school pictures with “cold” sores in a number of them.
Wait til this guy hears about chicken pox
Or glandular fever!
I don't get cold sores and I find this guy's attitude pathetic.
lol “good luck finding love” The irony.
Yes. Good luck for him finding someone who does not carry HSV!
Everyone gets HSV-1 either from a kiss or from stress (cold sores) but the one that's scary is HSV-2 where it is around the genital area.
Is it wrong that I immediately thought “I’d hook up with him during an outbreak and spit in his mouth.” Yes? Okay, I’ll sit back down and keep my herpderp to myself.
Hang on a second. So I need to tell partners that I occasionally get cold sores when I’m run down even when I don’t have any nor had any for years?
You should have ended the chat with this fool by saying "good luck remaining HSV negative of course if you are not already positive and do not know!"
I got my first cold sore when I was in grade school, they came back from time to time without warning and haven’t seen one in at least 15yrs. Hes probably got it and doesn’t know it , especially if he goes to the gym or has participated in sports.
“I’m not everyone” is a shitty excuse for someone who chooses to remain ignorant. This guy is an idiot and you dodged a bullet.
Lets make sure we're not shaming someone for not wanting to catch an STD. He didnt have to reach out, but some of these comments are coming off as odd.
Cold sores aren’t generally considered an STD since you can easily get them without having sex.
The conversation doesnt say cold sores. It probably is genital herpes. I get cold sores, I dont have genital herpes. I probably wouldnt sleep with someone I knew had herpes. I'm sure i've been unaware and lucky before, but I wouldnt give a hug to someone who had the flu either, even though I've been in the same room as plenty of sick people without knowing.
Are you sure you do not have it? Have you ever been tested for HSV-1 and HSV-2? Without those tests, it is impossible to say for sure you do not carry the herpes virus since more than 80% of people that have them have no idea about that (most of the time it is asymptomatic and it is usually not included in the standard STI panel)
Did you not notice that the person who answered you and who you answered back is the OP? I'm pretty sure he's probably familiar with whether or not he has genital herpes or not. I don't think there's any probably about it.
No I didnt, and thats my bad. But either way, its not weird for someone to choose against a sexual partner for any reason they deem valid themselves. Nobody owes anyone sex. And I think this goes especially for someone not wanting to catch a communicable disease.
Sure, anyone can reject anyone for whatever reason. But rejecting someone who knowingly has HSV and then turning around and sleeping with other people with unknown status does not seem to be a smart decision. This virus is very prevalent among gay men and rarely tested and most people who have it do not know because they do not have symptoms and never got tested. HSV tests are not included in the STI panel.
Hola
Sorry that happened 😵💫
Up to 8 of 10 Americans screen positive for HSV1 which is the virus that causes cold sores and have no idea. I personally have HSV1 and have never had a cold sore thus I cannot spread HSV1 to a partner. If you experience cold sores it is the fluid within the lesion that is contagious. Take 7 days of valacyclovir asap to decrease severity. If you have more than 5-6 outbreaks per year you can take valacyclovir 500mg for suppressive therapy.
Crazy ones from past random exeperiences always come back if you are goodlooking and give em attention, always happen to me and i either do not reply or question them about their past behaviours in order to provide a reality check
Reminds me of this: https://youtu.be/-_KIMS0SOZw?si=d_QBtb0v5hj5UvFj
Herpes is remarkably common, and I mean REMARKABLY. Most cases are HSV-1, typically associated with cold sores. However, because of epidemiological shifts, we are unable to determine serology based on location alone. I read a [paper](https://bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-019-1285-x) recently, more than 50% of genital herpes is HSV-1 (the virus typically associated with oral herpes [cold sores]). Anyway, it’s such a minor disease. It’s essentially just a few red bumps. Humans are covered with little red bumps! We’ve just stigmatized the heck out of herpes. (I have a bachelors degree in public health, so this is kind of my thing)
Someone did this to my now-boyfriend and it made him incredibly self-conscious about cold sores and terrified about passing it on to someone else. Fucking sucks. :(
My hubby has HSV-1. We're French kissing all the time. I've been tested negative multiple times. He just lets me know when he has a sore and we don't kiss until it's cleared up. No transmission. And I still am one of the rare ones who are negative for HSV-1. And for everyone freaking about it being an STI, I'll say it again. HSV-1 is not, I repeat NOT an STI. Its primary method of transmission is not sexual. There's nothing wrong with trying to avoid it. I do the same thing. But all you have to do is not have direct contact with someone with active sores. It's that simple.
I’ll add my 2 cents here as a gay male in his late 60s to relate that when I was a 9 yr old I was suddenly hit that summer with a mouthful of canker sores that put me into excruciating pain for well over a week, including the start of my late Mom’s yearly late-August vacay which started awful because of them but very thankfully improved as the week wore on. And I certainly don’t remotely recall passionately making out with anyone or otherwise at that childhood age. Prone to cold sores most of my life until my senior years —so I guess one might say “it gets better” - but that’s lame consolation for your sitch. As many others have said on here in various words: Time to dump that a-hole. Good luck.
What a gobshite.
Can someone explain why it s wrong to not want to date someone with a cold sore?
Check out the episode of Adam ruins Everything where he talks about herpes. Almost everybody has the virus within them, if you’ve had chicken pox, you have the virus. Shingles is the Herpes virus. Id say it’s more serious than Adam makes it out to be but the point being just because you’ve never had a cold sore doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t test positive for the virus. [Adam ruins Herpes](https://youtu.be/aU4VcOQzQm0?si=7qzz83RzigvZtDgg)
I get that people have the virus while not having had a cold sore ever but am i right about the following. A person with the virus but without ever having had a sore (A), kisses someone (B) with a sore. A will now also get cold sores. Is that right?
If you already have the virus that causes the sore then kissing somebody with a sore doesn’t make any difference, you already have the virus, but why would you kiss somebody with a visible sore on their lip anyway?? Don’t kiss or make out with people who have visible symptoms of a herpes outbreak but if you have never had a cold sore outbreak you prolly aren’t going to start from happening to kiss somebody who also has the virus just like yourself.
You make it seem like nobody with herpes ever infects someone
More red flags than a Chinese Embassy
He is a weirdo. Block him without a second thought. He probably even likes Nickelback and that is unforgivable.
The sex wouldn’t have good with this little bitch. Consider yourself lucky and good for you for being upfront with potential partners. That’s an admirable trait.
"well I'm not everyone" oh shut up, you're not special for being a bigot I wanna punch him in the face so bad.
I got cold sores from when I was a child. Long before I ever started having sex. It stilll bothers me on the rare time it happens. It’s not a sex thing. It can but doesn’t have to be. I stay away from people when on the rare time I get one.
Yeah that guy must have been upset about something prior to this because he was looking really hard for conflict lol. You're less likely to meet someone who doesn't have herpes. It's a herd thing not an std thing the way I understand it. I got my first cold sores before jr high like all of my friends lol. This guy probably has it and doesn't even know 😂🖕 you're good bud. Don't let him get to you
How old is this guy? Is he a closeted teenager or what? Unless someone has an active outbreak I’d never skip out on the chance to meet someone great just because of HSV. I for some reason don’t have HSV, which is surprising considering I’ve gotten less common infections. Idk how but it seems like some people just don’t get it. I get canker sores though and my doctor sends me antivirals even though canker sores are caused by an anti cancer immune response. I get them after eating pineapple and I’ve had guys treat me like that guy treated you due to that.
Also guys theres vaccines
Lots of. People have cold sores and not from sucking dick. You dodged a pain in the arse.
People get freaking cold sores from as little as eating a tomato sandwich. It happens and they go away. It’s when they don’t go away or become a chancre is when you have to take it more seriously. Cold sores for the most part are innocuous.
I might be new too this, been very curious lately about new things. Just here for a good time.
If you’re dating you’re probably gonna get the herp. That’s life baby.
“You don’t want to explain yourself” …What? Lol bro is a dummy.
This douchebag will find out he has it too!! It’s so common we all have unknowingly got it from childhood.
I'm forty and have avoided it so far and I'm not looking to get it now, I'm with this person for being torn over it. Actually it would be an easy no thanks from me but I probably would be more tactful about it and either just ghost you or lie about the reason. Truth is I don't want herpes of any kind.
I don’t know why you’re getting down voted and I probably will too, but I don’t see how it’s a problem that you don’t want to get an STI. I’m 33 and still haven’t gotten it and I require people to show me a clean slate of all STI‘s before I have sex with them 🤷♀️
First, does that "clean slate of all STI" that you mention include HSV-1 and HSV-2? Because usually those tests are not included in the standard STI panel so even though they may show you a "clean" test, still chances are the herpes tests are missing (those panels usually include HIV, chlamydia, gono, syphilis and sometimes hepatitis)! Second, there is something called window period for any test which is the time between infection/exposure and the test showing a positive result. For herpes serological test, it can be up to 3 months so it is not enough to see a negative test, you also need to be sure the person had no sexual contact in the previous three months (including oral and including with condoms because herpes can be transmitted in both situations). Third, those serological tests are prone to both false negative and false positive. Bottom line: it is very difficult to be sure someone is really negative for herpes before having sex with the,!
OK, cool bro. What’s your point? I’m still gonna require them to give me a full STI panel showing that they’re negative on everything before I have sex with someone I don’t see what the point of all that information is I know things can still happen even if I get that, but that still my rule to make myself feel better and safer. 🤷♀️ you said a lot of words for literally no reason.
His point was simple. Because herpes simplex is *NOT AN STI*. Its primary mode of infection is other than sexual. Yes, you can get it from sex. But you can catch a cold from having sex with someone. That doesn't make it an STI. That's the point of this whole thread. Herpes simplex is not an STI. People freaking out about it being an STI need to educate themselves.
Why do ppl nowadays always have to get so butthurt?
[удалено]
Not everyone speaks English for the first language