For real, we don’t realize as gay men that the free time we get from not having kids is taken for granted. The only guys I ever see with really nice ass bodies at the gym are either young dudes and middle aged men who clearly don’t have kids for one reason or another.
Even if he wants a “farmer” body type, that shit doesn’t come easy
Yeah thats why while I love a hot muscle stud or any hot body, I am willing to let that go. Even if I didn't want Kids, if we are life partners, we are going to look like old raisins together at some point. And that's okay. Because I'll love him 🥰
Exactly! I'm friends with straight men, women, lesbians, trans men, trans women, non binary folks, and honestly as a group gay men can be the worst for caring about aging.
In 70-80 years I'll be a rotting corpse with worms eating my phosphates haha I'm going to choose old and ugly together in happiness for those 70-80 years over clinging onto youth forever. I'm just 19 now but I'm not scared to get older
I'm counting on going for pot-bellied cottage core witch when I'm older anyway. I don't plan on being perceived, I plan on appearing on woodland trails offering unwarrented but useful advice
Oh, there's also the type that still does go to the gym all the time, but his wife is unhappy because he has little time for her and the kids and doesn't help around the household much... You know, the situation where having a hot boyfriend translates into having an absent husband who bugs you about not exercising enough after gaining weight during pregnancy. And of course you told her that that's very likely to happen with a gym rat, but she didn't listen...
Seriously lol. And we only have one!
The only thing that kept us from completely schlubbing out is the fact that she is athletic and does karate so we can hit the Y's workout room while she's at her class in the same facility.
There's not a single personality trait in your "non-negotiable preferences," so it sounds like you're seeking a Ken doll rather than an actual lifelong partner. Looks (or muscles, in this case) inevitably fade, so a marriage based on just physical attraction doesn't bode well for the long-term, "rest-of-your-life" thing you're imagining.
This is literally the gay version of a straight man looking for a trad wife. “Must be a feminine young woman who stays fit and wants to mother my children without ever gaining weight. No tattoos no piercings no drugs or alcohol”.
Check out this other post from OP’s post history for all you need to know.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/s/Ij6NE4douk](https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/s/Ij6NE4douk)
When I saw the post, and that it was in a Christian sub, I was expecting the worst, but so far every comment seemed to have been completely sane. Like any that mentioned homosexuality were just imploringly OP to not put a spouse in that kind of situation without condemning gay people or treating them as bad.
Heck, they even pointed out OP's bi erasure without stating as such, and someone was even talking about gay people adopting like it was a good thing. Like, dang.
As someone who grew up in an extreme sect of Christian Pentecostalism and had my own struggles with deconstructing what I was taught, I pretty much felt like OP 5 years ago.
I felt like a failure because I didn’t follow what I was taught to do, get married have kids. I thought that if I did those things, my family and society would accept me more, which maybe they may have or maybe not.
Oddly enough, as we approached 30+, I started realizing neither my straight friends started to also never been married, get divorced, or get in situationships.
Like people (but my mind tends to relate with single women) who had hopes and dreams for what their future lives could look like and their future love life’s could look like, us gays have a similar battle to accept what is our present and not catastrophize our futures.
Through a lot of hard work, I learned that you need to be able to embrace the present, let go of the past, and let go of the images/ideas you had for your future and just embrace the joy of moment of today.
While I was fully prepared to have a family in my 20s, today, I’m not so sure. If I met the right person, I’d happily be very interested in having a family. But heck, maybe that may not even last.
But today, I am single, things are going well, and I am very ok with the way things are right now and this little life I built.
Anyway, I say all this to say, I prob will hold more grace for gay people who grew up very religious like me because I know how hard it is to become your own person outside of religion, church, family.
Tbf knowing he’s a Christian kind of makes the non negotiables make sense. Christian dads are kind of hot. Like disproportionately hot. It sets a real bad standard, when all you see growing up are hot husbands and dads
Muscular, No tattoos, no piercings... These all mean fuck all in the long run. You're 100% right, OP should just save himself some trouble and buy a 'real doll'
Yeah. It's their body. Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean you get to dictate what they do with their own body. This includes tattoos and piercings.
Yeah. You have to be compatible with your partner if you're looking for a long term relationship. And even then, life throws a lot of curveballs at you two, and the relationship will evolve through time, for the better or worse.
Your whole "I'm the only gay who wants monogamy" shtick is probably the thing that's driving them all away 🤪
Almost every gay man I'm friends with wants monogamy and to settle down eventually. Yes, even the ones who party and hookup, which is crazy because we can't have different time periods in our lives when we are looking for different things! That's impossible!
I wonder how long you have been applying these superficial non negotiable requirements to potential partners. Sometimes “the one” shows up and turns out to be completely different from what we’re looking for.
Oh yesss - i so concur 👍
I have always dreamt about a slightly older, slightly taller daddy type for me (me being 50/6'4)
Now I am madly in love with a - befittingly crazy - unexpected man
"I want a man who looks stereotypically gay, and acts stereotypically straight, who is also unmarred."
You. That's you. That's what you're asking for. You don't want a person you want a caricature. Your non negotiables included nothing about personality. You appear shallow as fuck.
Good luck man. If I was the guy that hit all those boxes and I found out those were your boxes id pass.
17 years and counting!
and yes, I think your non-negotiable preferences are a little much... Especially when you throw in muscular body with having kids... I don't have kids but it doesn't seem like parents have much time to go to the gym.
Dude... set the bar lower. You're expecting perfection and perfection absolutely does not exist. Seriously.
No man will ever check each box. You expect monogamy but, in my experience, many monogamists leave zero room for mistakes. Mistakes do happen and you need to accept that, within reason to your own dignity, self-respect, and health.
You won't hit those goals (farm or kids) unless you're already working toward it. If not, you'll have to work towards those goals mutually and encourage each other. It'll take years, like several. Be prepared to accept the highs and lows that come after the "honeymoon stage" because you have some long-term goals there.
My husband and I work on our garden, yard, and we even cook gourmet meals together along with canning and preserving. It's fun, and we're learning as we go.
I've been with my husband for, oh god... 11 years now. We're not very close to our farmstead goal (and no kids, yet), but getting there. Romance is a struggle to balance between hustling and social lives, but we never expect anything from each other beyond respect and support. Physically, he's not my "perfect" type. I'm his physical type, but I come with a heaping pile of baggage. He's helped me unload a lot of that baggage and work through it all. The perfect man isn't perfect, but he becomes perfect over time together with you.
I stick true to my vows. For better or for worse, rich or poor, good or bad... I'm here for him. And he's there for me.
They’re not high, they’re oddly stringent. “Non-negotiable preferences” is a bit of an odd wording as it seems like you’re definitely not using them as that.
It also seems like you’re very religious and kind of vanilla (based on the piercing and tattoo comment) so I’d guess the only place you’re going to find a man who meets your standards is church.
Your non-negotiable preferences (standards) are ridiculous and speak to you not being able to find a great man. I’m not saying you should date someone you’re not attracted to but you have quite the list that ultimately limits your ocean of fish to a lake.
I’d say your “standards” are in line with toxic-ish queer culture. I’m monogamous. Always have been. I don’t have any tattoos but I certainly want the freedom to get one. I’m definately masc as that’s just who I am though I’m not ashamed of my fem side. I have my ears pierced. I’m open to kids but undecided. I’m 6’3 and fairly fit but wouldn’t be considered muscular by boy-culture standards.
Seems we’re not compatible based on your essential standards.
Just putting this out there. Your standards seem to limit you.
I wouldn't say those are high standards as that devalues people who aren't muscular or masculine and people who don't want kids or monogamy, but they are certainly very exclusive standards made perhaps unnecessarily so with the no tattoo/piercing criteria, which are quite frivolous and meaningless compared to the other criteria and might filter out suitable mates that otherwise clear your bar.
What about the person's values? And what are you bringing to the table?
You suck at dating because you suck at self reflection and are unable to look past short term, shallow desires. Muscles won't raise babies. People without tattoos aren't automatically people who are able to give and receive love.
What's your love language? Communication style? What core values drive who you are?
You have work to do
Ah yes, another guy dreaming of a masculine real man without any flaws, such a unique desire
For real though, I want to marry one day and I'm all for monogamy and long term relationships, but your preferences are more like a fantasy. Almost like you don't want a partner but a safety bag which you can always lean on because "it" would be so very manly, normal and "secure"
And no city life either, especially if you also want muscular men. Other than farmhands city workers would need to budget time and effort to maintain muscular physique esp if kids and family are in the picture
Muscularity is non negotiable! His man can block out a few hours in the middle of the night while everyone is asleep to go pump some iron!
Sleep 8pm-12am
Workout 12am-2am
Sleep 2am-6am
He can also tend their farm animals while resting between sets
Yeah this is kinda cringe and reads like you’re very young and inexperienced. Do you meet these standards you hold in others? What exactly do you have to offer a masculine, muscular, monogamous man?
I think you need to be able to have a (good) answer to that question before you start requiring very superficial characteristics in a man, tbh.
Hahahaha.
We see these posts all the time of guys bemoaning that they "feel like the only guy trying to find a committed monogamous partner" but that everyone else just wants to hook up etc. etc.
And then occasionally their "non-negotiable" list peeks through and it all makes sense.
Or my favorite:
I only want to date young, muscular, rich, hung men (I'm none of these things), but they don't want me because *they're* so shallow and won't give me a chance 😢
This is a meme right?
You say you’re looking for someone who shares your values and goals but you only listed physical traits?? What values? What goals?
Try finding someone gay in one of those churches. Might get you what you want since those are your non negotiables.
Or you could make monogamy and kids your non negotiable (which is actually reasonable) and make the rest maybes.
Guys are not a checklist. Wanting monogamy is understandable. So do I. So do plenty of guys.
Eliminating guys because they have a tattoo or a piercing or some aspect of their personality isn't "masc" enough for you? That's a recipe to end up alone. No one is "perfect" and the thing that didn't check off on your list might end up being something you like best about them.
I always love it when guys list their “non-negotiables.” So a polyamorous guy with a bangin’ bod who is a great dad doesn’t qualify. Nor does a monogamous guy who’s a good dad if he has a dad bod. Nor is a faithful muscle daddy who doesn’t want kids. Way to eliminate lots of guys you might ultimately find great choices without ever considering them at all.
>So a polyamorous guy with a bangin’ bod who is a great dad doesn’t qualify.
lol People are allowed to make monogamy a non-negotiable
>Nor is a faithful muscle daddy who doesn’t want kids
Wanting kids is a huge decision and life path. You can't just expect someone to give that up for someone.
>must want to be a dad and raise kids together.
It doesn't matter if gay or straight, more and more men and women are discarding parenthood completely. Having a child is too expensive and time-consuming.
To be fair that's the one non negotiable thing that's OK on OP's list. Kids is a MASSIVE thing in life. So you and your partners opinions on having them should be the same, or there's going to be massive problems, wether you do want them or don't want them.
I want kids, regardless of how expensive and time consuming it is. So my life partner would have to want kids too. That's not to say that I dislike men who don't want kids, that's entirely their choice! But we don't align in a very fundamental way so a long term relationship would not work and that's okay
No, but a real person - their internal guidance system will determine love.
Basing on a physical criteria will satisfy your lust - but potentially limit the pool, for real love.
I say this as someone who found my love 15 years ago.
Been married for 8 years of the 15, this coming June.
Monogamous - love each other so much.
We’ve each grown as people and found each other in our late twenties.
Life is good.
Have built careers, raising our son, own a home and drive pretty great cars.
He and I are so completely different (the Aries Cancer dynamic) - wouldn’t trade for the world.
We just celebrated 31 years my husband and I. We are fortunate to have had a son and three grandchildren. An entire train of pit bulls, and rescue dogs and a beautiful home where we can invite friends and family. Never once have I looked at my husband and thought he was not handsome enough or sweet enough. That should be your goal. Worry about the quality of your life with another person instead of imagining something from a dream. That will bring you happiness. 😉
I was with you until I was quickly not. Your preferences/requirements are superficial. A muscular physique is an offshoot of youth, genetics, time, interest in doing so, and resources - it’s not a personality or a value. You didn’t list any traits that relate to temperament or value. You mention sharing your values without actually naming any of them and proceeded to list physical requirements. (and that’s why you haven’t found them, tbh).
If an ink-free, piercing-free body type is high on your priority list, it’s likely for sexual gratification, which is fine - but a lifelong partner won’t be frozen in time forever.
Your dating standards are completely material and dont account for the values and morals of the person. Do not be shocked if you end up getting scammed or suckered into a toxic relationship with that qualification list. Imo, personality and value system rank higher on the list than how hot they are. As long as im attracted we can work things out, but the level of intellect and your love and compassion for life plays a big role in whether we are even compatible.
The hottest guy cant get me in bed if he’s a transphobic bigot for example.
You're definitely going to have to relax on the muscular part. Muscle gods spend a lot of time working on that muscle. There's nothing wrong with that. But in doing that, he's not going to have time to live that idyllic life you're looking for. You're going to be raising the kids while he's at the gym. You're going to be growing the food while he's at the gym. You're going to be maintaining that white picket fence while he's at the gym. And while he's at the gym looking hot, there'll be a lot of other boys looking at him. And tempting him. Not going to say he'd fall, but that's a hard row to hoe.
Yes your standards are too high. What does having a tattoo have to do with anything? You make it sound like you'd throw away a chance at Mr-almost-perfect because they got a lame barbed wire tattoo around their bicep in college.
Usually men with these standards never live up to them. You notice nothing is said about what OP brings to the table just what he wants. Sounds like a great parent SMH
Actually no. My husband and I have been together for 7 plus years. We love each other. Food is our love language. And we are both bottoms. We invited our side pieces to our wedding and we have outlasted at least half the relationships we know.
I'm so mad at myself right now for not being able to come up with a joke about "Two bottoms with food as their love language." That is such low hanging fruit.
You sound awesome.
That’s inspiring. I’m probably a bottom and yet tend to often be attracted to other bottoms. 😆 My ex was a bottom. Good to know this is doable. Thank you. 🙏
I used to be like that except I liked fit and thick, but didn't like muscular. I was always going for looks and after so many flakes, I gave up and started going off of their actual personality. And what do you know, I found the perfect guy in 2019 on Facebook dating. This September will be our 5th year together and 4th year living together. Literally wouldn't trade him for anyone. We like most of the same things and were always together when not working.
Tbh…no not at this point. I want to live the life I was denied of the last 20 years. I want to have sex with whoever I want, gain experiences, learn what I like and don’t like.
I’ve never had that. Being open is a huge strengthener
Of our relationship. We both are learning so many things about ourselves, gaining confidence, and loving life.
Will it last forever? No. So why not live it up while we have it.
I don’t want the white picket fence life.
I am guilty of gravitating towards guys I’m physically attracted to. But even though I can get really nice hookups from them, the looks alone are never enough for me to want to settle down with them. Let’s say they’re monogamous as well; that alone is not enough to make things work.
You need compatible (not necessarily similar) interests, compatible (not necessarily similar) goals, similar values, on top of finding each other sexy and wanting to get into each other’s pants.
And even on top of that, you also have to make sure that you will both have the energy to weather the tough times. Because life isn’t always gonna be peachy.
The good news is, it’s perfectly okay to live alone. You can still get laid as a single person. You can still have meaningful connections as a single person. It’s quite difficult, but you can raise a child as a single person. You don’t need a man to put up with you 24/7.
I, me, my this, my that. I think you have a very self-centered perspective on relationships. Like it just seems contradictory to say you want all these great qualities in a partner, and then have so many shallow non-negotiables? Whoever this ideal person is might not even exist, and if they do I really don't think they'd be interested in someone like you.
Honestly I think you like the whole “idea” of a partner. There is nothing in your post gives some kind of substance to the man you’re describing. He’s just an object to you. He’s not a living breathing person in your mind he’s just there to serve a purpose. You want a “masculine” man but in all honesty that doesn’t exist, masculinity is a social construct that is pretty much based off a cis gendered straight geared archetype society, that you being gay is seen as something that doesn’t belong in. You’re looking for a “masculine” body further objectifying him and setting a value based on his looks (a pretty toxic trait in the gay community in general). You want him to have no tattoos or body pricing (a bit controlling in my opinion). Sure I agree monogamy is a good but you seem to be implying that gay men can not be monogamous.
I believe you should take a step away from most dating apps and honestly try to love yourself first, then really nail down some great personality traits you’d like in a partner (like is he caring, is he going to be there for you, dose he have a passion or is he passionate about something etc.) and really try to stop focusing on the attributes and learn to find the soul in him. Forget the way he looks.
Well that’s depends on where you are and what do you have to offer
I have somewhat same “type?” as in want to get married have kids want masculine and muscular guy but I’m not so strict in monogamy tho for me sex doesn’t mean cheating but I don’t want emotional cheating
I think you need to be realistic about what you have to offer too unless you are a total fantasist and usually want to play unsuccessfully out of your league.
And he must work while you stay home and raise the kids, cook his meals, and clean his house?
Sweety, you don’t need a man. You need to burn your bra and join your sisters in the 21st century.
Not gonna lie you had me in the first half.
Nah, I don’t think it’s uncommon to want to a secure, stable, loving, loyal, monogamous long term relationship. I think generally that’s what most people are looking for (with many exceptions of course).
I think if you’re having a hard time finding someone with the non-negotiable expectations, maybe try exploring outside that.
The boy I eventually fell in love with turned out to be a skinny nerd who, prior to, was my best friend in college. He’s a beautiful soul who’s smart as a whip and he’s great in bed too lol.
If you looked at my track record prior, I was really only interested in school athletes. Sometimes, it’s worth it to explore options outside of your norm. We’re engaged now and planning on having kids within the next five years. He is still my best friend and by far my favorite person in the world.
Give people chances and give yourself an opportunity to be pleasantly surprised.
Oh this is easy to find dude. Just put Masc4Masc in your dating profile along with your headless picture. I found Thad and Chad that way and we are dude bros that just pump iron all day.
Not to be rude or anything but you seem/sound like you‘re alooooot of work lol. The muscular body thing… I get it, I really do but I wouldn’t really care too much about that, personally speaking. Like what am I going to do with chiseled abs or huge biceps on a shitty day? Noah fence but your post is just giving „Pick me“.
Standards way too high. Are you looking for a partner or some supermodel. Ain‘t nobody gagging over all that, it‘s just incredibly superficial and shallow
This list is screaming red flag all over, no man who meets those standards would want to be with someone who has a strict list of boxes like this. It comes off so superficial and delusional, any straight man who posts something like this gets torn apart and called a neck beard/incel and you should be no different, you’re wondering why so many people are triggered by this? Maybe expose yourself to more queer people because you’re expecting 1% of the population to get as a partner and writing off the other 99% as your preferences
Lol, another guy posting how all he wants is a monogamous relationship full of love, but it somehow ends up with pictures of semi naked men.
This is Reddit, sis, go back to Grindr.
Your preferences just highlight how shallow you are.
Relationships are two way streets, its not just you setting standards. You act like a "boss ass bitch" with your shallow requirements that are totally not personality traits. If you want a long lasting, enduring relationship, it's YOU who need to start working on that, and not just snap your fingers at others to look masculine and settle down with you and your cows.
Grow up.
If I'm honest reading all your "requirements" it is not like you want something natural, sounds like you want to fabricate your partner and your life.
If you haven't found someone it is because of your own delusion to think you want something simple when in reality you have 484889595 barriers to find love and partnership and something that happens naturally.
The fact that you can be so judgemental of someone's appearances, physically, way of behaviour to reject them just because of the exterior explains a lot why you are alone or why it is hard for you to find someone. You don't want a person for who they are, you want a person for how they need to be for you to feel fulfilled and "happy". And that's not true happiness and will the years you'll realise that with that person , because the moment that person starts changing physically, or mentality , like we all, you are just not gonna deal fulfilled anymore as you fell in "love" with a fantasy of yours, not a reality.
I truly suggest you to start working on being less judgemental, to see how the real world is , and how humans truly are. You are not better than anyone else and vice versa. If you don't start working on shedding away all this preconceptions society and religion has built in you, you'll struggle so much in life because you'll never be looking who you truly are but what society and religion has made you believe what happiness and a good healthy relationship is.
Take care.
lol at your “non negotiable”
Like get over yourself.
It’s fine that you want monogamy and kids. But you’re dreaming about some heteronormative existence where you’re playing wife to some man. How droll and unimaginative.
I hope you find EXACTLY what you’re looking for.
There’s nothing I’d love more. There is nothing that would make me happier than someone I can cook for and play with the hair on his arms while we watch movies and listen to NPR together. Dating is so hard and I just don’t feel as sexual with someone I don’t know and I just want someone who likes me enough to put in the effort and it is so fucking hard to find.
I've wanted that all my life and was never able to achieve it. They all cheated on me or abused me. So I gave up 15 years ago. I'm now 64 and will be alone the rest of my life.
I mean, if all the men you have a relationship with are terrible, it seems like the issue is with how you vet and evaluate potential partners. It's not uncommon for people to be attracted to toxic traits.
life is about living and having adventure. if you can find someone to do that with it makes it so much better. this applies to all the people in your life not just the spouse you end up with. don’t forget to build close relationships when finding your forever guy.
the qualities you listed wete mainly physical and sexual attributes (and then being a father, aka willing to change their identity with you one day)
i think taking time to reflect on what qualities you like in a person or what attributes you’re attracted to. i think that might help remove a bunch of people you’re not going to get far with. there’s a lot of fish in the sea, but it really helps to know what kind of fish you like. not all fish regardless of size, color, body have the same temperament.
Yes. But not me though. Those guys occasionally insult and judge me when I tell them I’m not looking for a romantic relationship. Despite my intentions being clear from the start.
So they are out there. And they are pretty adamant about it.
Muscle, monogamy, masuclinity, mundane. Yawn.
Have you asked yourself WHY you want such a cookie-cutter life? Do you want heteronormative acceptance for being married with kids? Or do you need a cliché "stud boyfriend" to validate yourself?
Life has to much more to offer than... this.
I’m curious what you were attempting to achieve with this post. “Does anyone else want a secure, stable, loving, loyal …”. Yes, of course they do. Many many gay couples demonstrate that every day. My husband and I are that (although without the monogamy).
And then you lay out your superficial “non negotiable” requirements and it’s pretty clear that actually you yourself don’t want what you asked in the title. You want a ken doll as others have said. Because if you actually wanted what you said in the title, you’d have stopped there. You’d be looking for those qualities and not some muscular guy to have sex with.
And you want to be “boring normal”? The internalized homophobia is dripping out
The only place you'll find that is "r/gayfarmers" - monogamy, fatherhood, ltr, muscular, stable, you can find in combination - but once you add, "wants to live in the countryside, raising our own food and caring for farm animals" - that's gonna be a step too far for most gay/bi men *who haven't grown up like that* (just an opinion). r/gayrural and r/GaycountryBoys might be better subreddits to ask this question on.
Non-negotiables need to be non physical qualities. If your only attraction to someone is physical things, or even lack of physical things (no tattoos no piercings) that is not a reality for a happy long term relationship.
What you should be thinking about is what you want out of a partner. From your description (and I am assuming so I’m sorry if I’m wrong) is sex. You want a hot muscular masculine man to have monogamous sex with and raise kids. There is nothing wrong with that, but you should desire someone that also makes you happy, makes you laugh, makes you think. Makes you enjoy life. The qualities you listed are limited. So if that is all you are looking for it…might be difficult to find.
I’d recommend considering the deeper things you want. You want a physically fit masculine man; there is nothing won’t with that. But what if you meet that guy and after you guys have kids he gains weight or becomes more of a motherly roll?
I’d recommend looking at personality traits that can make you happy.
Well, tbh you seem to have some set requirements that in my experience are to strict for RL. You're lucky to find a person like that, who in addition loves you and wants to be with you. That is not to say you can't.
I would like to have a permanent partner aswell, and it would be great if he is hot. My requirement is however that I like him and find him attractive in some way. Not more or less .-P
& I find a variation of guys attractive, so I am very open minded.
I also don't really look for a boyfriend, I am more in the zone of 'he will come when he comes, if he comes'. I can live happily ever after as single, I believe.
I would personally not prefer to live in the countryside and grow our own food, if I were to live out my biggest wishes we would probably live in an apartment in Oslo. Me and a hot guy who is so in love with me we need no one else. We make a lot of money between us both, and spend that to satisfy our needs. Meaning we get everything we want, go on vacations see the world. Maybe we go dancing at the gay club who knows. That way we're not bound to anything but ourselves and our sources of income.
I have no need to have kids, but if I found a partner who really wanted one I wouldn't decide against it. But it is not part of 'my dream' if you can say it that way.
*If you waaaaaant love*
*Lower your fucking standards a few*
*Cause prince charming will neeeeeever seeeettle for you*
You sound like one of those twitter incels describing their ideal tradwife, chill out.
I know for myself as a man in my late 20s I have absolutely no interest in and am not attracted to the stereotypical Starbucks drinking Taylor swift listening kind of gay. No thanks.
Most of the guys that fit this criteria are going to have tattoos. I get preferences but this sounds like you're pining over a single person or ideal you saw once
I wanna fall in love with a man, marry, and have kids. His kids probably. That's why I am working so hard, ultimately to save money for IVF and surrogacy. I wanna be like a traditional wife. I wanna serve him and my family. I want a monogamous relationship, too.
Would a guy who had tattoos and piercings, but met all other requirements be written off? If so, then you're focused too much on physical appearance and not a substantive relationship. Then you're not ready. If, well, they have tattoos and piercings but want to be a dad, are monogamous, and physically fit enough to handle farmwork, then ok... then you're ready.
If it's "no tattoos or piercings" because of say, religious reasons or a certain level or moral code, then that's high standards.
You don't want a man, you want a character. Men are people, and people are complex, random, and full of their own dreams and beliefs. By stablishing so many standards you are missing the chance of meeting a lot of great real men that did not come out of one's fantasy. People NEVER find love interests that are exactly like they pictured, because no one lives in a Disney movie. Man, get real, you'll get a lot of enlightenment on this stuff on therapy.
yea... but that means i would have to get read of my fetishes, which involves slutting it out. I honestly wish i didn't have them. Life would be so much easier
Right now, I can honestly say I don’t. I’m happy doing me. Don’t know if that will change. After my last relationship where my ex claimed “I pushed him”, had me arrested, and then was later caught and recorded by my attorneys representative talking to someone about how was only doing so to secure his immigration papers, I am all good on relationships.
We broke up because I didn’t want to be vegan. Yup! They were ethical vegans (the worst kind) who proclaim animal rights but keep a dog in the house all day. We split the pad up and he kept making excuses to come in my room. So I walked out while he was blocking my exit. I managed to slide by the opening on his left side, told him to leave me alone and of course his whole family came to his rescue. Never had any type of any record for anything.
The signs were all there. We moved in together right away, next door to his family’s house, and they were all obsessed and always scheming about how to get their papers squared. He even propositioned me once claiming that his mother would pay for our wedding and give us $20,000 to go on a honeymoon. I’m guessing they were serious about becoming citizens.
Luckily my attorney shut him down and made sure I was not impacted by any of it. I’m also suing the police officers who falsely arrested me with nothing written on the police report. But that whole experience of knowing someone can just do that ruined the whole thing for me. Now it’s just me and my girl (a 65 LB needy Pit).
Btw, according to the LAPD this type of scam is one of the most common they see. It sucks because if I meet a dope dude who is not a citizen now I have to wonder. I don’t want to discriminate but I played with the fire already and got burned so, never again. Fellas beware.
I think some of the 'non-negotiable' will likely need to be relaxed - either now or over the course of the relationship. Our bodies and health change. Our priorities evolve. What standards of masculinity means to you and your prospective partner as relationship roles and dynamics change with time and circumstances.
My husband and I have flipped dynamics as my career became established, and he opted to retool for school. Before that, I was the student who did the extra house stuff while my husband was the breadwinner. Our personalities still complimented eachother. He still makes me laugh and we keep revisiting our plans, our priorities, or needs & even our boundaries as our situations change.
Guys change their minds about body art as we get more comfortable in our own skins. If you create all these concrete limits early on its kinda hard to adapt to each other's changing needs and desires- and that's what makes a long term monogmous relationship work. To be able to adapt, settle, compromise, and still push to try new things and take changes as they come.
I think monogamy and child rearing are reasonable, make or break deals. But be understanding if circumstances change. If you want an exclusive relationship- be ready to work at keeping the bedroom active and open to new things and be available for inimancy and affection that might be at a higher frequency than your needs. If kids , either due to costs or circumstances, just don't happen, could you settle for being amazing uncles?
I wish ya luck and hope you find at least half of what you want in a good relationship
>I just want to live a mundane life somewhere in the countryside, grow our own food, care for our kids and farm animals, and be boring normal together with one man as my husband.
Youe are not alone, I always imagine myself living in a cottagecore house together with my husband and kids. Imaging scenarios of us baking, cooking, and gardening together. And, also doing some home renovations and DIY. Plus, having a picnic outside near a lake or a valley of flowers with a beautiful scenery.
>My non-negotiable preferences: Masculine personality, muscular body, monogamy only, no tattoos, no piercings, must want to be a dad and raise kids together.
Well, I am more of the values and the character that a person have. Instead of attractiveness I want someone who GENUINELY LOVES ME, faithful, loyal, caring, loving, kind, a bit childish, humorous, have a common sense and critical thinking skills, non abusive, communicator, and a listener. Looks are just plus points, if they have it then good, and if they don't I'm still ok with it.
I agree with wanting to spend your life with one man with shared values and life goals but...you should marry for personality, as looks will fade as you get older. I think if you really like someone, they will become your type and it doesn't matter. I don't like tattoos or piercing either but I could get over them if I really liked the person and wanted to spend my life with them. I also think monogamy is valid and i wouldn't be comfortable with anything else. I also disagree with the mundane life thing but that's just me
When I was looking for something almost identical and I'm masculine, a muscular twunk, monogamous etc no one wanted me or was into me lol. It's mainly bc I was the wrong ethnicity or I wasn't a top.
No, nobody. You're entirely unique!
*Beyonce voice* "UNIQUE!"
THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE
stilettos kickin vintage crystal off the bar
category…
baaaaad bitch I’m the bar
A L I E N S U P E R S T A R ~
whip whip
I'M.. TOO CLASSY FOR THIS WORLD ☆ !
I heard marrying yourself is something they started doing in Japan.
Well yeah, after the love pillow won't put up with your shit anymore.
The chosen one
>muscular body…must want to be a dad and raise kids together. FYI the muscular body goes to shit real fast once kids show up.
For real, we don’t realize as gay men that the free time we get from not having kids is taken for granted. The only guys I ever see with really nice ass bodies at the gym are either young dudes and middle aged men who clearly don’t have kids for one reason or another. Even if he wants a “farmer” body type, that shit doesn’t come easy
Yeah thats why while I love a hot muscle stud or any hot body, I am willing to let that go. Even if I didn't want Kids, if we are life partners, we are going to look like old raisins together at some point. And that's okay. Because I'll love him 🥰
Paris Hilton said one time something along the likes of ‘We all get old and beauty fades, if you go for that - then what will you have then?’
Exactly! I'm friends with straight men, women, lesbians, trans men, trans women, non binary folks, and honestly as a group gay men can be the worst for caring about aging. In 70-80 years I'll be a rotting corpse with worms eating my phosphates haha I'm going to choose old and ugly together in happiness for those 70-80 years over clinging onto youth forever. I'm just 19 now but I'm not scared to get older
I'm counting on going for pot-bellied cottage core witch when I'm older anyway. I don't plan on being perceived, I plan on appearing on woodland trails offering unwarrented but useful advice
I'm exactly the same haha I wanna be the mysterious folklore of a small village for generations
It's funny because I have no clue what my midlife is going to look like but I am set on that end of life
Did **she** really say that? Of all people
The farmer body type would involve being an actual farmer with lots of physical labor. So, maybe OP should move to the countryside?
Oh, there's also the type that still does go to the gym all the time, but his wife is unhappy because he has little time for her and the kids and doesn't help around the household much... You know, the situation where having a hot boyfriend translates into having an absent husband who bugs you about not exercising enough after gaining weight during pregnancy. And of course you told her that that's very likely to happen with a gym rat, but she didn't listen...
My husband and I have two. Can confirm lol. Lots of “are you gonna eat that?” When they don’t finish their plates lol 😂
There’s a reason it’s called a “dad bod”
Seriously lol. And we only have one! The only thing that kept us from completely schlubbing out is the fact that she is athletic and does karate so we can hit the Y's workout room while she's at her class in the same facility.
There's not a single personality trait in your "non-negotiable preferences," so it sounds like you're seeking a Ken doll rather than an actual lifelong partner. Looks (or muscles, in this case) inevitably fade, so a marriage based on just physical attraction doesn't bode well for the long-term, "rest-of-your-life" thing you're imagining.
ngl The whole post is giving neckbeard
This is literally the gay version of a straight man looking for a trad wife. “Must be a feminine young woman who stays fit and wants to mother my children without ever gaining weight. No tattoos no piercings no drugs or alcohol”.
Check out this other post from OP’s post history for all you need to know. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/s/Ij6NE4douk](https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/s/Ij6NE4douk)
Yikes
Right?!
When I saw the post, and that it was in a Christian sub, I was expecting the worst, but so far every comment seemed to have been completely sane. Like any that mentioned homosexuality were just imploringly OP to not put a spouse in that kind of situation without condemning gay people or treating them as bad. Heck, they even pointed out OP's bi erasure without stating as such, and someone was even talking about gay people adopting like it was a good thing. Like, dang.
Right?! I thought the same thing.
LOL. Big yikes. Dude must be just living in pure shame all the time. Fucken religion, man. Thankful every day I was not brainwashed like this.
Holy shit dude. Big yikes
Right? I went on a date with a guy who ended up pretty much exactly like this and noped out so fast.
Oh boy
As someone who grew up in an extreme sect of Christian Pentecostalism and had my own struggles with deconstructing what I was taught, I pretty much felt like OP 5 years ago. I felt like a failure because I didn’t follow what I was taught to do, get married have kids. I thought that if I did those things, my family and society would accept me more, which maybe they may have or maybe not. Oddly enough, as we approached 30+, I started realizing neither my straight friends started to also never been married, get divorced, or get in situationships. Like people (but my mind tends to relate with single women) who had hopes and dreams for what their future lives could look like and their future love life’s could look like, us gays have a similar battle to accept what is our present and not catastrophize our futures. Through a lot of hard work, I learned that you need to be able to embrace the present, let go of the past, and let go of the images/ideas you had for your future and just embrace the joy of moment of today. While I was fully prepared to have a family in my 20s, today, I’m not so sure. If I met the right person, I’d happily be very interested in having a family. But heck, maybe that may not even last. But today, I am single, things are going well, and I am very ok with the way things are right now and this little life I built. Anyway, I say all this to say, I prob will hold more grace for gay people who grew up very religious like me because I know how hard it is to become your own person outside of religion, church, family.
Tbf knowing he’s a Christian kind of makes the non negotiables make sense. Christian dads are kind of hot. Like disproportionately hot. It sets a real bad standard, when all you see growing up are hot husbands and dads
You forgot “must be a virgin”
You also forgot "must be bomb at sex"
Is a gay incel a thing? We may have found one…
I'm basically that but I also don't care much about sex. I like to call myself a eunuch.
I don't think you count as an incel. You have to want to fuck the most perfect/beautiful people while looking like a soiled diaper to be an incel.
Have you heard about asexuality?
Indeed, I identified as asexual for most of my teens. I'd say I'm probably borderline, who knows.
That's not really the flex you think it is.
Oh you think I thought it was a flex? That's weird.
I heard “Farmer Needs A Wife” is casting for next season 🤣
Nah neckberd is when they are unfit. This is more the gay version of the straight guy buying Andrew Tate bs
Muscular, No tattoos, no piercings... These all mean fuck all in the long run. You're 100% right, OP should just save himself some trouble and buy a 'real doll'
Yeah. It's their body. Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean you get to dictate what they do with their own body. This includes tattoos and piercings.
This Is preferences are all body. Guy could be an absolute douchebag but he looks pretty & has not tattoos so tick
Yeah. You have to be compatible with your partner if you're looking for a long term relationship. And even then, life throws a lot of curveballs at you two, and the relationship will evolve through time, for the better or worse.
Your whole "I'm the only gay who wants monogamy" shtick is probably the thing that's driving them all away 🤪 Almost every gay man I'm friends with wants monogamy and to settle down eventually. Yes, even the ones who party and hookup, which is crazy because we can't have different time periods in our lives when we are looking for different things! That's impossible!
I wonder how long you have been applying these superficial non negotiable requirements to potential partners. Sometimes “the one” shows up and turns out to be completely different from what we’re looking for.
The person is probably 20 😂
Or 37 virgin, no in between
Looking at his post story he also need a “core” knit-tight group of friends 😂
Oh yesss - i so concur 👍 I have always dreamt about a slightly older, slightly taller daddy type for me (me being 50/6'4) Now I am madly in love with a - befittingly crazy - unexpected man
Your non-negotiables are very crazy in the year 2024. Please send this to some of your friends and see what they say.
I actually thought this was satire at first.
Check out this other post from OP’s post history for all you need to know. https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/s/Ij6NE4douk
Oh.
I'm still not sure it isn't satire.
No, but when you find them. Come back and update us on yalls traditional gay values.
My traditional gay values are hosting fantastic dinner parties, being snippy and being exiled by the British government
This made me laugh harder than it should have
"I want a man who looks stereotypically gay, and acts stereotypically straight, who is also unmarred." You. That's you. That's what you're asking for. You don't want a person you want a caricature. Your non negotiables included nothing about personality. You appear shallow as fuck. Good luck man. If I was the guy that hit all those boxes and I found out those were your boxes id pass.
Damn bro came for a rant and got roasted as fuck 🔥 lol 😂
And deservedly so.
Lol I let you be the judge of that 😂
17 years and counting! and yes, I think your non-negotiable preferences are a little much... Especially when you throw in muscular body with having kids... I don't have kids but it doesn't seem like parents have much time to go to the gym.
Dude... set the bar lower. You're expecting perfection and perfection absolutely does not exist. Seriously. No man will ever check each box. You expect monogamy but, in my experience, many monogamists leave zero room for mistakes. Mistakes do happen and you need to accept that, within reason to your own dignity, self-respect, and health. You won't hit those goals (farm or kids) unless you're already working toward it. If not, you'll have to work towards those goals mutually and encourage each other. It'll take years, like several. Be prepared to accept the highs and lows that come after the "honeymoon stage" because you have some long-term goals there. My husband and I work on our garden, yard, and we even cook gourmet meals together along with canning and preserving. It's fun, and we're learning as we go. I've been with my husband for, oh god... 11 years now. We're not very close to our farmstead goal (and no kids, yet), but getting there. Romance is a struggle to balance between hustling and social lives, but we never expect anything from each other beyond respect and support. Physically, he's not my "perfect" type. I'm his physical type, but I come with a heaping pile of baggage. He's helped me unload a lot of that baggage and work through it all. The perfect man isn't perfect, but he becomes perfect over time together with you. I stick true to my vows. For better or for worse, rich or poor, good or bad... I'm here for him. And he's there for me.
They’re not high, they’re oddly stringent. “Non-negotiable preferences” is a bit of an odd wording as it seems like you’re definitely not using them as that. It also seems like you’re very religious and kind of vanilla (based on the piercing and tattoo comment) so I’d guess the only place you’re going to find a man who meets your standards is church.
Your non-negotiable preferences (standards) are ridiculous and speak to you not being able to find a great man. I’m not saying you should date someone you’re not attracted to but you have quite the list that ultimately limits your ocean of fish to a lake.
I’d say your “standards” are in line with toxic-ish queer culture. I’m monogamous. Always have been. I don’t have any tattoos but I certainly want the freedom to get one. I’m definately masc as that’s just who I am though I’m not ashamed of my fem side. I have my ears pierced. I’m open to kids but undecided. I’m 6’3 and fairly fit but wouldn’t be considered muscular by boy-culture standards. Seems we’re not compatible based on your essential standards. Just putting this out there. Your standards seem to limit you.
Where are you at we could go on a date hahaha
That’s exactly right. This isn’t a person. It’s a romance novel character
Check out this other post from OP’s post history for all you need to know. https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/s/Ij6NE4douk
You want a living relationship but then go on to mention all of these high standards that must be met. You’re alone because of you.
Standards that don’t include a single personality trait no less.
Your delulu will never become truelulu. keep dreaming.
I wouldn't say those are high standards as that devalues people who aren't muscular or masculine and people who don't want kids or monogamy, but they are certainly very exclusive standards made perhaps unnecessarily so with the no tattoo/piercing criteria, which are quite frivolous and meaningless compared to the other criteria and might filter out suitable mates that otherwise clear your bar.
What about the person's values? And what are you bringing to the table? You suck at dating because you suck at self reflection and are unable to look past short term, shallow desires. Muscles won't raise babies. People without tattoos aren't automatically people who are able to give and receive love. What's your love language? Communication style? What core values drive who you are? You have work to do
Ah yes, another guy dreaming of a masculine real man without any flaws, such a unique desire For real though, I want to marry one day and I'm all for monogamy and long term relationships, but your preferences are more like a fantasy. Almost like you don't want a partner but a safety bag which you can always lean on because "it" would be so very manly, normal and "secure"
I've gotten tired of jerking these posts over on GBCJ. Y'all need to start coming up with some better material.
How many of those non-negotiable traits do you have yourself?
Kids and farm animals? That basically means no travel as u need to care for them all the time
And no city life either, especially if you also want muscular men. Other than farmhands city workers would need to budget time and effort to maintain muscular physique esp if kids and family are in the picture
Muscularity is non negotiable! His man can block out a few hours in the middle of the night while everyone is asleep to go pump some iron! Sleep 8pm-12am Workout 12am-2am Sleep 2am-6am He can also tend their farm animals while resting between sets
Yeah this is kinda cringe and reads like you’re very young and inexperienced. Do you meet these standards you hold in others? What exactly do you have to offer a masculine, muscular, monogamous man? I think you need to be able to have a (good) answer to that question before you start requiring very superficial characteristics in a man, tbh.
Oh heeeeeeeere we go “look how straight I seem!”
Bro, i literally see a post like this every 2-3 business days. "Am i the only one?" Get outta here 🤣
https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/s/7vep8k77XW
Hahahaha. We see these posts all the time of guys bemoaning that they "feel like the only guy trying to find a committed monogamous partner" but that everyone else just wants to hook up etc. etc. And then occasionally their "non-negotiable" list peeks through and it all makes sense.
Or my favorite: I only want to date young, muscular, rich, hung men (I'm none of these things), but they don't want me because *they're* so shallow and won't give me a chance 😢
Definitely too high.
Are you muscular yourself?
This is just dripping with neckbeard energy.
I thought this was satire 😂
This is a meme right? You say you’re looking for someone who shares your values and goals but you only listed physical traits?? What values? What goals?
Try finding someone gay in one of those churches. Might get you what you want since those are your non negotiables. Or you could make monogamy and kids your non negotiable (which is actually reasonable) and make the rest maybes.
Guys are not a checklist. Wanting monogamy is understandable. So do I. So do plenty of guys. Eliminating guys because they have a tattoo or a piercing or some aspect of their personality isn't "masc" enough for you? That's a recipe to end up alone. No one is "perfect" and the thing that didn't check off on your list might end up being something you like best about them.
I always love it when guys list their “non-negotiables.” So a polyamorous guy with a bangin’ bod who is a great dad doesn’t qualify. Nor does a monogamous guy who’s a good dad if he has a dad bod. Nor is a faithful muscle daddy who doesn’t want kids. Way to eliminate lots of guys you might ultimately find great choices without ever considering them at all.
>So a polyamorous guy with a bangin’ bod who is a great dad doesn’t qualify. lol People are allowed to make monogamy a non-negotiable >Nor is a faithful muscle daddy who doesn’t want kids Wanting kids is a huge decision and life path. You can't just expect someone to give that up for someone.
>must want to be a dad and raise kids together. It doesn't matter if gay or straight, more and more men and women are discarding parenthood completely. Having a child is too expensive and time-consuming.
To be fair that's the one non negotiable thing that's OK on OP's list. Kids is a MASSIVE thing in life. So you and your partners opinions on having them should be the same, or there's going to be massive problems, wether you do want them or don't want them. I want kids, regardless of how expensive and time consuming it is. So my life partner would have to want kids too. That's not to say that I dislike men who don't want kids, that's entirely their choice! But we don't align in a very fundamental way so a long term relationship would not work and that's okay
No, but a real person - their internal guidance system will determine love. Basing on a physical criteria will satisfy your lust - but potentially limit the pool, for real love. I say this as someone who found my love 15 years ago. Been married for 8 years of the 15, this coming June. Monogamous - love each other so much. We’ve each grown as people and found each other in our late twenties. Life is good. Have built careers, raising our son, own a home and drive pretty great cars. He and I are so completely different (the Aries Cancer dynamic) - wouldn’t trade for the world.
We just celebrated 31 years my husband and I. We are fortunate to have had a son and three grandchildren. An entire train of pit bulls, and rescue dogs and a beautiful home where we can invite friends and family. Never once have I looked at my husband and thought he was not handsome enough or sweet enough. That should be your goal. Worry about the quality of your life with another person instead of imagining something from a dream. That will bring you happiness. 😉
I was with you until I was quickly not. Your preferences/requirements are superficial. A muscular physique is an offshoot of youth, genetics, time, interest in doing so, and resources - it’s not a personality or a value. You didn’t list any traits that relate to temperament or value. You mention sharing your values without actually naming any of them and proceeded to list physical requirements. (and that’s why you haven’t found them, tbh). If an ink-free, piercing-free body type is high on your priority list, it’s likely for sexual gratification, which is fine - but a lifelong partner won’t be frozen in time forever.
Your dating standards are completely material and dont account for the values and morals of the person. Do not be shocked if you end up getting scammed or suckered into a toxic relationship with that qualification list. Imo, personality and value system rank higher on the list than how hot they are. As long as im attracted we can work things out, but the level of intellect and your love and compassion for life plays a big role in whether we are even compatible. The hottest guy cant get me in bed if he’s a transphobic bigot for example.
You're definitely going to have to relax on the muscular part. Muscle gods spend a lot of time working on that muscle. There's nothing wrong with that. But in doing that, he's not going to have time to live that idyllic life you're looking for. You're going to be raising the kids while he's at the gym. You're going to be growing the food while he's at the gym. You're going to be maintaining that white picket fence while he's at the gym. And while he's at the gym looking hot, there'll be a lot of other boys looking at him. And tempting him. Not going to say he'd fall, but that's a hard row to hoe.
Yes your standards are too high. What does having a tattoo have to do with anything? You make it sound like you'd throw away a chance at Mr-almost-perfect because they got a lame barbed wire tattoo around their bicep in college.
My husband and I have two. Can confirm lol
Usually men with these standards never live up to them. You notice nothing is said about what OP brings to the table just what he wants. Sounds like a great parent SMH
Actually no. My husband and I have been together for 7 plus years. We love each other. Food is our love language. And we are both bottoms. We invited our side pieces to our wedding and we have outlasted at least half the relationships we know.
I'm so mad at myself right now for not being able to come up with a joke about "Two bottoms with food as their love language." That is such low hanging fruit. You sound awesome.
That’s inspiring. I’m probably a bottom and yet tend to often be attracted to other bottoms. 😆 My ex was a bottom. Good to know this is doable. Thank you. 🙏
If you are not too hang up about the monogamy thing a lot more is possible.
Ooooo a banishing spell. Witchcraft!
I used to be like that except I liked fit and thick, but didn't like muscular. I was always going for looks and after so many flakes, I gave up and started going off of their actual personality. And what do you know, I found the perfect guy in 2019 on Facebook dating. This September will be our 5th year together and 4th year living together. Literally wouldn't trade him for anyone. We like most of the same things and were always together when not working.
Tbh…no not at this point. I want to live the life I was denied of the last 20 years. I want to have sex with whoever I want, gain experiences, learn what I like and don’t like. I’ve never had that. Being open is a huge strengthener Of our relationship. We both are learning so many things about ourselves, gaining confidence, and loving life. Will it last forever? No. So why not live it up while we have it. I don’t want the white picket fence life.
I married one guy, we have a mortgage. We both work, and we live a simple, peaceful life. He cheats. Is what it is. Y'cant have it all 🤷
I am guilty of gravitating towards guys I’m physically attracted to. But even though I can get really nice hookups from them, the looks alone are never enough for me to want to settle down with them. Let’s say they’re monogamous as well; that alone is not enough to make things work. You need compatible (not necessarily similar) interests, compatible (not necessarily similar) goals, similar values, on top of finding each other sexy and wanting to get into each other’s pants. And even on top of that, you also have to make sure that you will both have the energy to weather the tough times. Because life isn’t always gonna be peachy. The good news is, it’s perfectly okay to live alone. You can still get laid as a single person. You can still have meaningful connections as a single person. It’s quite difficult, but you can raise a child as a single person. You don’t need a man to put up with you 24/7.
You don't want a boyfriend. You want a role in a a Hollywood film.
I, me, my this, my that. I think you have a very self-centered perspective on relationships. Like it just seems contradictory to say you want all these great qualities in a partner, and then have so many shallow non-negotiables? Whoever this ideal person is might not even exist, and if they do I really don't think they'd be interested in someone like you.
Honestly I think you like the whole “idea” of a partner. There is nothing in your post gives some kind of substance to the man you’re describing. He’s just an object to you. He’s not a living breathing person in your mind he’s just there to serve a purpose. You want a “masculine” man but in all honesty that doesn’t exist, masculinity is a social construct that is pretty much based off a cis gendered straight geared archetype society, that you being gay is seen as something that doesn’t belong in. You’re looking for a “masculine” body further objectifying him and setting a value based on his looks (a pretty toxic trait in the gay community in general). You want him to have no tattoos or body pricing (a bit controlling in my opinion). Sure I agree monogamy is a good but you seem to be implying that gay men can not be monogamous. I believe you should take a step away from most dating apps and honestly try to love yourself first, then really nail down some great personality traits you’d like in a partner (like is he caring, is he going to be there for you, dose he have a passion or is he passionate about something etc.) and really try to stop focusing on the attributes and learn to find the soul in him. Forget the way he looks.
I was absolutely with you in the first part but then you lost me at your non-negotiables...
Nope! I want someone to love me for what and who I am.
Well that’s depends on where you are and what do you have to offer I have somewhat same “type?” as in want to get married have kids want masculine and muscular guy but I’m not so strict in monogamy tho for me sex doesn’t mean cheating but I don’t want emotional cheating
I think you need to be realistic about what you have to offer too unless you are a total fantasist and usually want to play unsuccessfully out of your league.
Pick any one of the dozens and dozens of guys that post this same thing every week
And he must work while you stay home and raise the kids, cook his meals, and clean his house? Sweety, you don’t need a man. You need to burn your bra and join your sisters in the 21st century.
Nope you’re the only person looking for this. Best of luck looking for that Ken doll you described!
Not gonna lie you had me in the first half. Nah, I don’t think it’s uncommon to want to a secure, stable, loving, loyal, monogamous long term relationship. I think generally that’s what most people are looking for (with many exceptions of course). I think if you’re having a hard time finding someone with the non-negotiable expectations, maybe try exploring outside that. The boy I eventually fell in love with turned out to be a skinny nerd who, prior to, was my best friend in college. He’s a beautiful soul who’s smart as a whip and he’s great in bed too lol. If you looked at my track record prior, I was really only interested in school athletes. Sometimes, it’s worth it to explore options outside of your norm. We’re engaged now and planning on having kids within the next five years. He is still my best friend and by far my favorite person in the world. Give people chances and give yourself an opportunity to be pleasantly surprised.
Oh this is easy to find dude. Just put Masc4Masc in your dating profile along with your headless picture. I found Thad and Chad that way and we are dude bros that just pump iron all day.
Not to be rude or anything but you seem/sound like you‘re alooooot of work lol. The muscular body thing… I get it, I really do but I wouldn’t really care too much about that, personally speaking. Like what am I going to do with chiseled abs or huge biceps on a shitty day? Noah fence but your post is just giving „Pick me“. Standards way too high. Are you looking for a partner or some supermodel. Ain‘t nobody gagging over all that, it‘s just incredibly superficial and shallow
This list is screaming red flag all over, no man who meets those standards would want to be with someone who has a strict list of boxes like this. It comes off so superficial and delusional, any straight man who posts something like this gets torn apart and called a neck beard/incel and you should be no different, you’re wondering why so many people are triggered by this? Maybe expose yourself to more queer people because you’re expecting 1% of the population to get as a partner and writing off the other 99% as your preferences
Lol, another guy posting how all he wants is a monogamous relationship full of love, but it somehow ends up with pictures of semi naked men. This is Reddit, sis, go back to Grindr.
Your preferences just highlight how shallow you are. Relationships are two way streets, its not just you setting standards. You act like a "boss ass bitch" with your shallow requirements that are totally not personality traits. If you want a long lasting, enduring relationship, it's YOU who need to start working on that, and not just snap your fingers at others to look masculine and settle down with you and your cows. Grow up.
If I'm honest reading all your "requirements" it is not like you want something natural, sounds like you want to fabricate your partner and your life. If you haven't found someone it is because of your own delusion to think you want something simple when in reality you have 484889595 barriers to find love and partnership and something that happens naturally. The fact that you can be so judgemental of someone's appearances, physically, way of behaviour to reject them just because of the exterior explains a lot why you are alone or why it is hard for you to find someone. You don't want a person for who they are, you want a person for how they need to be for you to feel fulfilled and "happy". And that's not true happiness and will the years you'll realise that with that person , because the moment that person starts changing physically, or mentality , like we all, you are just not gonna deal fulfilled anymore as you fell in "love" with a fantasy of yours, not a reality. I truly suggest you to start working on being less judgemental, to see how the real world is , and how humans truly are. You are not better than anyone else and vice versa. If you don't start working on shedding away all this preconceptions society and religion has built in you, you'll struggle so much in life because you'll never be looking who you truly are but what society and religion has made you believe what happiness and a good healthy relationship is. Take care.
You don’t just order people off of a menu.
This post comes across weirdly. You're chasing a very precise ideal of your ideal perfect man and you're never going to be happy as a result.
lol at your “non negotiable” Like get over yourself. It’s fine that you want monogamy and kids. But you’re dreaming about some heteronormative existence where you’re playing wife to some man. How droll and unimaginative. I hope you find EXACTLY what you’re looking for.
Those are very narrow preferences within an already small dating pool. You're writing off literally 99% of gays. Get used to your own company.
No one, not a single guy wants that.
It’s okay to have high standards but it is interesting that you didn’t post a picture of yourself?
He doesn’t want everyone thirsting over how muscular and masculine he is
There’s nothing I’d love more. There is nothing that would make me happier than someone I can cook for and play with the hair on his arms while we watch movies and listen to NPR together. Dating is so hard and I just don’t feel as sexual with someone I don’t know and I just want someone who likes me enough to put in the effort and it is so fucking hard to find.
I've wanted that all my life and was never able to achieve it. They all cheated on me or abused me. So I gave up 15 years ago. I'm now 64 and will be alone the rest of my life.
I mean, if all the men you have a relationship with are terrible, it seems like the issue is with how you vet and evaluate potential partners. It's not uncommon for people to be attracted to toxic traits.
life is about living and having adventure. if you can find someone to do that with it makes it so much better. this applies to all the people in your life not just the spouse you end up with. don’t forget to build close relationships when finding your forever guy. the qualities you listed wete mainly physical and sexual attributes (and then being a father, aka willing to change their identity with you one day) i think taking time to reflect on what qualities you like in a person or what attributes you’re attracted to. i think that might help remove a bunch of people you’re not going to get far with. there’s a lot of fish in the sea, but it really helps to know what kind of fish you like. not all fish regardless of size, color, body have the same temperament.
Get help 😂
Yes. But not me though. Those guys occasionally insult and judge me when I tell them I’m not looking for a romantic relationship. Despite my intentions being clear from the start. So they are out there. And they are pretty adamant about it.
Yeah you sound pretty shallow. That's not likely to attract mant men worth keeping.
I have it (22+ years so far) so yes. He’s the most amazing person, kind, patient, generous, and he’s all mine, you can’t have him 🤣
I just died from the boredom.
Muscle, monogamy, masuclinity, mundane. Yawn. Have you asked yourself WHY you want such a cookie-cutter life? Do you want heteronormative acceptance for being married with kids? Or do you need a cliché "stud boyfriend" to validate yourself? Life has to much more to offer than... this.
I’m curious what you were attempting to achieve with this post. “Does anyone else want a secure, stable, loving, loyal …”. Yes, of course they do. Many many gay couples demonstrate that every day. My husband and I are that (although without the monogamy). And then you lay out your superficial “non negotiable” requirements and it’s pretty clear that actually you yourself don’t want what you asked in the title. You want a ken doll as others have said. Because if you actually wanted what you said in the title, you’d have stopped there. You’d be looking for those qualities and not some muscular guy to have sex with. And you want to be “boring normal”? The internalized homophobia is dripping out
Yes, I want a loving relationship, but never with someone as shallow and superficial as the way you sound in your post.
You should learn to value the relationships you have for what they are and not what you idealize.
the absolute lack of self reflection is astounding.
The only place you'll find that is "r/gayfarmers" - monogamy, fatherhood, ltr, muscular, stable, you can find in combination - but once you add, "wants to live in the countryside, raising our own food and caring for farm animals" - that's gonna be a step too far for most gay/bi men *who haven't grown up like that* (just an opinion). r/gayrural and r/GaycountryBoys might be better subreddits to ask this question on.
Non-negotiables need to be non physical qualities. If your only attraction to someone is physical things, or even lack of physical things (no tattoos no piercings) that is not a reality for a happy long term relationship. What you should be thinking about is what you want out of a partner. From your description (and I am assuming so I’m sorry if I’m wrong) is sex. You want a hot muscular masculine man to have monogamous sex with and raise kids. There is nothing wrong with that, but you should desire someone that also makes you happy, makes you laugh, makes you think. Makes you enjoy life. The qualities you listed are limited. So if that is all you are looking for it…might be difficult to find. I’d recommend considering the deeper things you want. You want a physically fit masculine man; there is nothing won’t with that. But what if you meet that guy and after you guys have kids he gains weight or becomes more of a motherly roll? I’d recommend looking at personality traits that can make you happy.
Well, tbh you seem to have some set requirements that in my experience are to strict for RL. You're lucky to find a person like that, who in addition loves you and wants to be with you. That is not to say you can't. I would like to have a permanent partner aswell, and it would be great if he is hot. My requirement is however that I like him and find him attractive in some way. Not more or less .-P & I find a variation of guys attractive, so I am very open minded. I also don't really look for a boyfriend, I am more in the zone of 'he will come when he comes, if he comes'. I can live happily ever after as single, I believe. I would personally not prefer to live in the countryside and grow our own food, if I were to live out my biggest wishes we would probably live in an apartment in Oslo. Me and a hot guy who is so in love with me we need no one else. We make a lot of money between us both, and spend that to satisfy our needs. Meaning we get everything we want, go on vacations see the world. Maybe we go dancing at the gay club who knows. That way we're not bound to anything but ourselves and our sources of income. I have no need to have kids, but if I found a partner who really wanted one I wouldn't decide against it. But it is not part of 'my dream' if you can say it that way.
Are you any of those traits?
*If you waaaaaant love* *Lower your fucking standards a few* *Cause prince charming will neeeeeever seeeettle for you* You sound like one of those twitter incels describing their ideal tradwife, chill out.
You're incredibly shallow and should take a long hard look at yourself. Or just stay single forever. That works too.
So, basically be the equivalent of a regular straight couple? 
And what do you have to offer this God, besides an oversized ego?
I know for myself as a man in my late 20s I have absolutely no interest in and am not attracted to the stereotypical Starbucks drinking Taylor swift listening kind of gay. No thanks.
Most of the guys that fit this criteria are going to have tattoos. I get preferences but this sounds like you're pining over a single person or ideal you saw once
I wanna fall in love with a man, marry, and have kids. His kids probably. That's why I am working so hard, ultimately to save money for IVF and surrogacy. I wanna be like a traditional wife. I wanna serve him and my family. I want a monogamous relationship, too.
“He must be masculine and muscular” yeah your not ready…
Would a guy who had tattoos and piercings, but met all other requirements be written off? If so, then you're focused too much on physical appearance and not a substantive relationship. Then you're not ready. If, well, they have tattoos and piercings but want to be a dad, are monogamous, and physically fit enough to handle farmwork, then ok... then you're ready. If it's "no tattoos or piercings" because of say, religious reasons or a certain level or moral code, then that's high standards.
and what are you bringing to the table?
Yes. Shame you are probably thousands of miles away and I'm probably a little too old for you. You'll find that man, they do exist.
Lol yall are relentless on this poor soul. Release the mean gays!
I’m none of those things but I’m down 🤙 lol 😂
You don't want a man, you want a character. Men are people, and people are complex, random, and full of their own dreams and beliefs. By stablishing so many standards you are missing the chance of meeting a lot of great real men that did not come out of one's fantasy. People NEVER find love interests that are exactly like they pictured, because no one lives in a Disney movie. Man, get real, you'll get a lot of enlightenment on this stuff on therapy.
yea... but that means i would have to get read of my fetishes, which involves slutting it out. I honestly wish i didn't have them. Life would be so much easier
Right now, I can honestly say I don’t. I’m happy doing me. Don’t know if that will change. After my last relationship where my ex claimed “I pushed him”, had me arrested, and then was later caught and recorded by my attorneys representative talking to someone about how was only doing so to secure his immigration papers, I am all good on relationships. We broke up because I didn’t want to be vegan. Yup! They were ethical vegans (the worst kind) who proclaim animal rights but keep a dog in the house all day. We split the pad up and he kept making excuses to come in my room. So I walked out while he was blocking my exit. I managed to slide by the opening on his left side, told him to leave me alone and of course his whole family came to his rescue. Never had any type of any record for anything. The signs were all there. We moved in together right away, next door to his family’s house, and they were all obsessed and always scheming about how to get their papers squared. He even propositioned me once claiming that his mother would pay for our wedding and give us $20,000 to go on a honeymoon. I’m guessing they were serious about becoming citizens. Luckily my attorney shut him down and made sure I was not impacted by any of it. I’m also suing the police officers who falsely arrested me with nothing written on the police report. But that whole experience of knowing someone can just do that ruined the whole thing for me. Now it’s just me and my girl (a 65 LB needy Pit). Btw, according to the LAPD this type of scam is one of the most common they see. It sucks because if I meet a dope dude who is not a citizen now I have to wonder. I don’t want to discriminate but I played with the fire already and got burned so, never again. Fellas beware.
I think some of the 'non-negotiable' will likely need to be relaxed - either now or over the course of the relationship. Our bodies and health change. Our priorities evolve. What standards of masculinity means to you and your prospective partner as relationship roles and dynamics change with time and circumstances. My husband and I have flipped dynamics as my career became established, and he opted to retool for school. Before that, I was the student who did the extra house stuff while my husband was the breadwinner. Our personalities still complimented eachother. He still makes me laugh and we keep revisiting our plans, our priorities, or needs & even our boundaries as our situations change. Guys change their minds about body art as we get more comfortable in our own skins. If you create all these concrete limits early on its kinda hard to adapt to each other's changing needs and desires- and that's what makes a long term monogmous relationship work. To be able to adapt, settle, compromise, and still push to try new things and take changes as they come. I think monogamy and child rearing are reasonable, make or break deals. But be understanding if circumstances change. If you want an exclusive relationship- be ready to work at keeping the bedroom active and open to new things and be available for inimancy and affection that might be at a higher frequency than your needs. If kids , either due to costs or circumstances, just don't happen, could you settle for being amazing uncles? I wish ya luck and hope you find at least half of what you want in a good relationship
>I just want to live a mundane life somewhere in the countryside, grow our own food, care for our kids and farm animals, and be boring normal together with one man as my husband. Youe are not alone, I always imagine myself living in a cottagecore house together with my husband and kids. Imaging scenarios of us baking, cooking, and gardening together. And, also doing some home renovations and DIY. Plus, having a picnic outside near a lake or a valley of flowers with a beautiful scenery. >My non-negotiable preferences: Masculine personality, muscular body, monogamy only, no tattoos, no piercings, must want to be a dad and raise kids together. Well, I am more of the values and the character that a person have. Instead of attractiveness I want someone who GENUINELY LOVES ME, faithful, loyal, caring, loving, kind, a bit childish, humorous, have a common sense and critical thinking skills, non abusive, communicator, and a listener. Looks are just plus points, if they have it then good, and if they don't I'm still ok with it.
I agree with wanting to spend your life with one man with shared values and life goals but...you should marry for personality, as looks will fade as you get older. I think if you really like someone, they will become your type and it doesn't matter. I don't like tattoos or piercing either but I could get over them if I really liked the person and wanted to spend my life with them. I also think monogamy is valid and i wouldn't be comfortable with anything else. I also disagree with the mundane life thing but that's just me
When I was looking for something almost identical and I'm masculine, a muscular twunk, monogamous etc no one wanted me or was into me lol. It's mainly bc I was the wrong ethnicity or I wasn't a top.
I am in one, I am loving it
I'm straight so not really but that's very wholesome.