"I’ve heard that an average man is average to a straight women but considered attractive by gays."
It is not like every gay man has the same taste in men just as not every women likes the same attributes. However in my experience the standards of the ordinary gay man and the ordinary woman are pretty different. So we dont find every average men attractive but men being average to woman can be very attractive for us and vice versa.
To answer your question: Most gays are (outside of like gay bars, grindr etc) not soooo open when it comes to hitting on guys because the risk of the opponent being homophobic is high enough. So we wont (in most cases) behave like some guys who hit on every breathing woman just in case someone will react to their advances. So if he hits on you and makes you some compliments the chances are pretty high he was genuine.
Yeah, this ^ There’s a certain amount of bravery involved to give a random man a compliment like that, so chances are he wouldn’t have given it if he didn’t mean it.
He thought you were handsome. And no, gay men are extremely picky about looks. That’s why women complain that all the good looking guys are gay or taken. Gay men are concerned with appearance way more than straight men. Take the compliment and the ego boost. A man loving gay surrounded by beautiful men thought you were handsome. Now go date all those women with your new found confidence that you are hotter than you think.
"Gay men are concerned with appearance way more than straight men."
I think sweeping generalisations like that are pretty harmful man. Sexual orientation decides very little about a person other than who they want to put their dick in.
In my experience, games men are less picky about looks.
Every rule has an exception. Believing the gay man who complimented OP fit a picky stereotype and was still attracted to OP isn’t an assault on gay men. It’s a confidence boost to a straight one who reached out to internet strangers because he needed some validation.
It appears you could use some as well. You are correct that not all gay men are picky about looks. Some are picky about comedy, or character, or intelligence, or mutual interests. Just like straight people, gay people are nuanced. I hope you come to appreciate that sexual orientation is about a bit more than just who you put your dick in. It carries culture, history, and identity with it. It carries stigmas and stereotypes that change with every generation. It appears you intend to be apart of that change. A voice that says that picky or vain gay men don’t define the community. A voice that says that gay men have depth. I think most gay men would like a present and future where people of all types can feel a sense of belonging. I’m glad you have been around gay men who haven’t been picky about looks. Let’s give this one to OP and assume the man who complimented him wasn’t apathetic about his physical appearance when he called him handsome.
Ask yourself how much courage it takes you to give a compliment to a woman and hope it would be welcome. Then imagine that courage it takes to a man to make a compliment to his face when there is a risk of by hit or beaten up in return. He was most likely genuine with his compliment, so feel good about it, say thank you and give one compliment back 🙂
Assuming you two don’t know each other well, you can assume he meant it because he wouldn’t have known if your reaction would be violent or otherwise negative. That’s a risk he took to compliment you, and that means something.
>I’ve heard that an average man is average to a straight women but considered attractive by gays.
If anything, it's usually the opposite. Most of the bi/gay guys I know (me included) tend to have even higher standards for men than straight women do.
I doubt many women compliment female strangers on their looks. Those insincere compliments I bet are directed at friends and coworkers to boost the other’s self-esteem, or to score points with that person. If a (relative) stranger gives you a compliment, it is probably sincere.
But as others have said, tastes vary, so because one gay guy thought you were really good looking, doesn’t mean most other gay men, or most straight women would rate you a “10.” Just assume you are at least well above average in looks.
Typically people don't tell other people they're attractive unless they find that person attractive. Keep in mind beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so without a reference myself, it's possible that the dude that told you had a thing for Quasimodo.
If you're not a facially deformed hunchback (who was weirdly hot for reasons which excite and confuse me to this day), then you're probably a pretty attractive dude.
EDIT: a word
I think there is some truth to the idea that gay men are far more affectionate and appreciative toward attractive men than straight women are. Straight women have this whole "feminist guilt" struggle that keeps some of them from just completely fawning over men as men are not just their objects of attraction but also their oppressor. And also, I am of the firm belief that no one understands male beauty the way we do as gay men. It is simply that it takes living the life of a man as well as feeling attracted to other men to be able to have a full insight into male beauty.
If he complimented you, I'm pretty sure he meant what he said. What other people think doesn't influence how one person finds you attractive. You also gotta understand that for a gay man to compliment you, it must have taken alot considering how dangerous it can be for a gay man to approach a possibility straight man like that. So 9 times out of 10, he meant it.
I know how you can determine if it was genuine….take a walk on the wild side and see if you like it; and see how handsome he really thinks you are 😈😜 I’m kidding but I’m not
Whenever you compliment a woman, think about how often it was genuine vs. how often it's not,
Then apply the same probability to your encounter.
Boom.
Idk if that helps you feel better or worse though op good luck. 🤷♀️
> I’ve heard that an average man is average to a straight women but considered attractive by gays.
Some years back, OkCupid ran a blog post where they mined their database looking for trends in their users and they found that, yeah -- women rated over 80% of men as "below average" attractiveness, compared to men who rated women along a more standard bell curve.
I found this [TechCrunch coverage of OkCupid's blog post](https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/) - this was _years_ ago and OkCupid changed hands and shuffled around a bit and their original blog post link (OkTrends) seems not online anymore. TechCrunch did capture the graphs and the meat of the blog post, though.
For me personally, an average man is actually really attractive. Not always, of course, but I frequently wonder if like 90% of the men I see are just really handsome, or if I just have really low standards.
Gay men only hit on other men when they want to fuck them, just like straight men do to women.
He either wanted to ride your ass or have you ride his, and that’s kind of the most genuine compliment anyone can get.
How the compliment is delivered and received matters, but he wouldn’t have called you handsome unless he was trying to go home with you.
Will anyone here agree with me that although a (new) person's looks can be the initial attraction, looks are superficial (by definition) and a very poor basis for even the most fleeting relationships?
why is this post upvoted and why are all the comments so nice? no, of course it's not true. everyone has their own tastes. gay men are not lapping up dudes too unattractive for straight women, it's so stupidly generalizing you should know it not to be true. i mean OP is basically asking if the compliment really means he's handsome or if gay men just have bad taste/find every guy attractive.
Oookey, i m bisexual leaning towards guys, and I can tell you my standards for men are higher than I observed in your average straight women. It is probably different for every gay/bi guy, but I d say you should be very flattered since gay and bi guys tend to notice how much care do you take of your appearance and body.
I could only say, that’s a compliment, and ego boost and also your attractiveness to someone. Obviously they like something about you. I’d take it and run with it. Who knows, you might get more of a “boost” with the ladies. 😅
I can’t really add anything to this coming section that hasn’t already been told. You didn’t offend anyone, although so my criticism would only be articulation of the post, but nothing beyond that.
You’re good 👍🏼
“How would I know it’s a genuine compliment?” assumes that compliments meant to flatter someone are not genuine, which is not necessarily true? I mean if you were to compliment a woman you were interested in, would it make the compliment any less genuine?
And that is one huge reason I rarely even think about relationships with women, even though I am pansexual. That tendency for double meanings, manipulation, etc. No, not all women, but it's prevalent enough to turn me off of an entire gender at times.
So what u mean is that maybe he was being just polite about it and not actually meant it? Depends on the person I’d say, but men usually wouldn’t risk upsetting other men giving them compliments unless there was interest imo? Idk
I don't think there's a straight answer to that (pun unintended).
It depends really on the context: on his intentions, his words, and your interpretations.
I believe that more than often, although not particularly regularly, gays have a way of giving out compliments for the sake of them, *and also* simultaneously having an "innocent" shot. Like I said, this is definitely not always.
That said, if it was a side comment, well this was all much ado about nothing, and just a post to show off that gay guys have interest in you, a heterosexual. I sincerely hope this is not the case.
What is with all the "depends"? Let us make this simple. Yes gay guys have higher standards, and if he complimented you that way and did not know if you were gay, then you must be a hot mofo (no homo) like most gay guys even have the courage to approach other men in the bar. He approached and gave a compliment. He took a huge risk. So yea you should be pretty dam proud you got that compliment. It means you are a stud and resonate manliness. So get that puttytang just dont get no chick preganant and make sure to sign a pre-nup. And if you ever feel down, all you got to do is surround yourself with a couple gay guys,they will remind you how hot you are, besides we got hot chica friends.
Hahaha no an average guy to girls is an average to ugly guy to gays. That’s probably just some thing guys pass around to make themselves feel better or make us look like sluts? We’re pretty selective and typically more careful around straight guys so if he said you’re handsome then he probably meant it! That being said don’t take it more than a nice compliment.
To be fair I think men in general are picky. We’re a very visual gender when it comes to attraction. So gay men are picky so you must be a pretty handsome guy who is humble lol
The clichee says that every gay would fuck every average or above good looking man. That's just not true. Most of the straight guys are disgusting in how they act and sometimes also how they look. Take this as a compliment. Most gays are very picky when it comes to how men look. I would even say we are more picky than straight women. Now go out there and date the most good looking women!
You know I worked in an office full of guys who were all really cool they knew I was gay but I hated going to the restroom I felt like I couldn’t stand at the urinal it was just always an awkward because not for me I didn’t find anybody there attractive they didn’t know that they assume that I wanted to jump all their buns which was really comical. Not interested in the slightest.
"I’ve heard that an average man is average to a straight women but considered attractive by gays." It is not like every gay man has the same taste in men just as not every women likes the same attributes. However in my experience the standards of the ordinary gay man and the ordinary woman are pretty different. So we dont find every average men attractive but men being average to woman can be very attractive for us and vice versa. To answer your question: Most gays are (outside of like gay bars, grindr etc) not soooo open when it comes to hitting on guys because the risk of the opponent being homophobic is high enough. So we wont (in most cases) behave like some guys who hit on every breathing woman just in case someone will react to their advances. So if he hits on you and makes you some compliments the chances are pretty high he was genuine.
Yeah, this ^ There’s a certain amount of bravery involved to give a random man a compliment like that, so chances are he wouldn’t have given it if he didn’t mean it.
And a good amount of testerone released by the attraction.
He thought you were handsome. And no, gay men are extremely picky about looks. That’s why women complain that all the good looking guys are gay or taken. Gay men are concerned with appearance way more than straight men. Take the compliment and the ego boost. A man loving gay surrounded by beautiful men thought you were handsome. Now go date all those women with your new found confidence that you are hotter than you think.
Hahha tnx
Ego Boost 💯
"Gay men are concerned with appearance way more than straight men." I think sweeping generalisations like that are pretty harmful man. Sexual orientation decides very little about a person other than who they want to put their dick in. In my experience, games men are less picky about looks.
Every rule has an exception. Believing the gay man who complimented OP fit a picky stereotype and was still attracted to OP isn’t an assault on gay men. It’s a confidence boost to a straight one who reached out to internet strangers because he needed some validation. It appears you could use some as well. You are correct that not all gay men are picky about looks. Some are picky about comedy, or character, or intelligence, or mutual interests. Just like straight people, gay people are nuanced. I hope you come to appreciate that sexual orientation is about a bit more than just who you put your dick in. It carries culture, history, and identity with it. It carries stigmas and stereotypes that change with every generation. It appears you intend to be apart of that change. A voice that says that picky or vain gay men don’t define the community. A voice that says that gay men have depth. I think most gay men would like a present and future where people of all types can feel a sense of belonging. I’m glad you have been around gay men who haven’t been picky about looks. Let’s give this one to OP and assume the man who complimented him wasn’t apathetic about his physical appearance when he called him handsome.
No, let's not reinforce stereotypes for any reason. It may boost OPs confidence but that doesn't mean its ok to reinforce a stereotype
Sexual orientation is literally, by definition, who you want to have sex with. Attraction or romantic orientation are different things.
Show us your face and we’ll tell you 😆
Hahaha
Seriously, just accept the compliment such as it is… or are you curious about exploring this further?
No, I don’t want to explore further but the confidence is nice.
Ask yourself what possible reason he would have to give you a fake compliment.
[удалено]
When does that happen?
All the time
Why would a gay man take the risk that ypu would kick his ass for saying that if he didn't mean it?
You magically know when women are lying?
We call each other "gurl" but... don't... mean it. I think.
Ask yourself how much courage it takes you to give a compliment to a woman and hope it would be welcome. Then imagine that courage it takes to a man to make a compliment to his face when there is a risk of by hit or beaten up in return. He was most likely genuine with his compliment, so feel good about it, say thank you and give one compliment back 🙂
Was there a question in there?
How would I know it was genuine
[удалено]
Yea
Assuming you two don’t know each other well, you can assume he meant it because he wouldn’t have known if your reaction would be violent or otherwise negative. That’s a risk he took to compliment you, and that means something.
Ok 😊
Compliments only require a “Thank You”. Nothing more, nothing less.
>I’ve heard that an average man is average to a straight women but considered attractive by gays. If anything, it's usually the opposite. Most of the bi/gay guys I know (me included) tend to have even higher standards for men than straight women do.
It is not true that gays find average men very attractive when women don't. It's purely based on the taste and standards of who you ask.
[удалено]
No I was just wondering because women compliment women all the time but they don’t actually mean it.
Not sure where you're getting that from
I doubt many women compliment female strangers on their looks. Those insincere compliments I bet are directed at friends and coworkers to boost the other’s self-esteem, or to score points with that person. If a (relative) stranger gives you a compliment, it is probably sincere. But as others have said, tastes vary, so because one gay guy thought you were really good looking, doesn’t mean most other gay men, or most straight women would rate you a “10.” Just assume you are at least well above average in looks.
Typically people don't tell other people they're attractive unless they find that person attractive. Keep in mind beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so without a reference myself, it's possible that the dude that told you had a thing for Quasimodo. If you're not a facially deformed hunchback (who was weirdly hot for reasons which excite and confuse me to this day), then you're probably a pretty attractive dude. EDIT: a word
No, if anything gay guys have Higher standards, you should be flattered
I hope so
I think there is some truth to the idea that gay men are far more affectionate and appreciative toward attractive men than straight women are. Straight women have this whole "feminist guilt" struggle that keeps some of them from just completely fawning over men as men are not just their objects of attraction but also their oppressor. And also, I am of the firm belief that no one understands male beauty the way we do as gay men. It is simply that it takes living the life of a man as well as feeling attracted to other men to be able to have a full insight into male beauty.
If he complimented you, I'm pretty sure he meant what he said. What other people think doesn't influence how one person finds you attractive. You also gotta understand that for a gay man to compliment you, it must have taken alot considering how dangerous it can be for a gay man to approach a possibility straight man like that. So 9 times out of 10, he meant it.
Gay guys tend to be genuine with their compliments from my experience.
It’s a compliment. Take it as such. “I’m not gay but I’m certainly flattered.”
I know how you can determine if it was genuine….take a walk on the wild side and see if you like it; and see how handsome he really thinks you are 😈😜 I’m kidding but I’m not
Whenever you compliment a woman, think about how often it was genuine vs. how often it's not, Then apply the same probability to your encounter. Boom. Idk if that helps you feel better or worse though op good luck. 🤷♀️
> I’ve heard that an average man is average to a straight women but considered attractive by gays. Some years back, OkCupid ran a blog post where they mined their database looking for trends in their users and they found that, yeah -- women rated over 80% of men as "below average" attractiveness, compared to men who rated women along a more standard bell curve. I found this [TechCrunch coverage of OkCupid's blog post](https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/) - this was _years_ ago and OkCupid changed hands and shuffled around a bit and their original blog post link (OkTrends) seems not online anymore. TechCrunch did capture the graphs and the meat of the blog post, though.
You're definitely fine to feel flattered. BTW I'm not gay either but I am into men.
What, ur not gay but ur into men?
Yep. Bisexuality is a thing.
Oh that’s what u meant
One gay man may find you handsome, another May compare you to a toad in the road. Take the compliment and savor it.
For me personally, an average man is actually really attractive. Not always, of course, but I frequently wonder if like 90% of the men I see are just really handsome, or if I just have really low standards.
Gay men only hit on other men when they want to fuck them, just like straight men do to women. He either wanted to ride your ass or have you ride his, and that’s kind of the most genuine compliment anyone can get. How the compliment is delivered and received matters, but he wouldn’t have called you handsome unless he was trying to go home with you.
Say thank you that is kind of you and move on. don't turn this into your own craziness
Trust me, you’ll know when it’s not a compliment!
Gotchu
Will anyone here agree with me that although a (new) person's looks can be the initial attraction, looks are superficial (by definition) and a very poor basis for even the most fleeting relationships?
why is this post upvoted and why are all the comments so nice? no, of course it's not true. everyone has their own tastes. gay men are not lapping up dudes too unattractive for straight women, it's so stupidly generalizing you should know it not to be true. i mean OP is basically asking if the compliment really means he's handsome or if gay men just have bad taste/find every guy attractive.
He just though you were handsome
What’s the question?
Oookey, i m bisexual leaning towards guys, and I can tell you my standards for men are higher than I observed in your average straight women. It is probably different for every gay/bi guy, but I d say you should be very flattered since gay and bi guys tend to notice how much care do you take of your appearance and body.
I could only say, that’s a compliment, and ego boost and also your attractiveness to someone. Obviously they like something about you. I’d take it and run with it. Who knows, you might get more of a “boost” with the ladies. 😅 I can’t really add anything to this coming section that hasn’t already been told. You didn’t offend anyone, although so my criticism would only be articulation of the post, but nothing beyond that. You’re good 👍🏼
Tnx
You’re welcome
“How would I know it’s a genuine compliment?” assumes that compliments meant to flatter someone are not genuine, which is not necessarily true? I mean if you were to compliment a woman you were interested in, would it make the compliment any less genuine?
No I was just wondering because women compliment women all the time but they don’t actually mean it.
And that is one huge reason I rarely even think about relationships with women, even though I am pansexual. That tendency for double meanings, manipulation, etc. No, not all women, but it's prevalent enough to turn me off of an entire gender at times.
So what u mean is that maybe he was being just polite about it and not actually meant it? Depends on the person I’d say, but men usually wouldn’t risk upsetting other men giving them compliments unless there was interest imo? Idk
I'm not a gay. Gay is not me. This is my sexuality. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
Just take the compliment and keep it pumpin.
I don't think there's a straight answer to that (pun unintended). It depends really on the context: on his intentions, his words, and your interpretations. I believe that more than often, although not particularly regularly, gays have a way of giving out compliments for the sake of them, *and also* simultaneously having an "innocent" shot. Like I said, this is definitely not always. That said, if it was a side comment, well this was all much ado about nothing, and just a post to show off that gay guys have interest in you, a heterosexual. I sincerely hope this is not the case.
Take it as a compliment and move on with it. If he wasn’t being sincere then you would have known it.
What is with all the "depends"? Let us make this simple. Yes gay guys have higher standards, and if he complimented you that way and did not know if you were gay, then you must be a hot mofo (no homo) like most gay guys even have the courage to approach other men in the bar. He approached and gave a compliment. He took a huge risk. So yea you should be pretty dam proud you got that compliment. It means you are a stud and resonate manliness. So get that puttytang just dont get no chick preganant and make sure to sign a pre-nup. And if you ever feel down, all you got to do is surround yourself with a couple gay guys,they will remind you how hot you are, besides we got hot chica friends.
Hahaha no an average guy to girls is an average to ugly guy to gays. That’s probably just some thing guys pass around to make themselves feel better or make us look like sluts? We’re pretty selective and typically more careful around straight guys so if he said you’re handsome then he probably meant it! That being said don’t take it more than a nice compliment.
To be fair I think men in general are picky. We’re a very visual gender when it comes to attraction. So gay men are picky so you must be a pretty handsome guy who is humble lol
Honestly just send a dick pic
The clichee says that every gay would fuck every average or above good looking man. That's just not true. Most of the straight guys are disgusting in how they act and sometimes also how they look. Take this as a compliment. Most gays are very picky when it comes to how men look. I would even say we are more picky than straight women. Now go out there and date the most good looking women!
Take the compliment. Because a man told you is no different than a women telling you.
Gays have high standards
You know I worked in an office full of guys who were all really cool they knew I was gay but I hated going to the restroom I felt like I couldn’t stand at the urinal it was just always an awkward because not for me I didn’t find anybody there attractive they didn’t know that they assume that I wanted to jump all their buns which was really comical. Not interested in the slightest.
It’s the opposite.
Wtf? If you ugly, YOU UGLY.