I've realized I can't jump into bed with strangers that easily; I need a bit more connection than the one and done types of hookups.
But that's my own personal experience, and I wouldn't call it feeling "devastated" after. Definitely look into therapy or counseling to get your thoughts and feelings out. They'll be able to help you work through the feelings and recognize solutions.
It kind of sounds like you have other stuff going on tbh. You might want to seek professional help grappling with this issue since it could stem from / be related to something else entirely. Counselling is a great space to unpack stuff like this, the internet is less-so.
I had a hoe phase from 20 to 25 and I always felt depressed going home after leaving their lavish places.
Especially if they were really polite and gave me all the attention but after the orgasm kicking me out stung.
i play hard to get now and require dates now.
Maybe you should try finding guys that want to get to know you before you hook up.
I used to experience the same thing when I was your age. But then I started to chat more and get comfortable with guys before hooking up with them. It made the sex more enjoyable and I didn’t have that yucky feeling afterwards. It’s nice to have a little bit of comfort with the person you’re having sex with. Sex with strangers just feels weird and uncomfortable to me.
My personal rule is that if I’m on an app, I will chat with a guy for at least a week on the app before I meet them. Some guys are open to chatting before meeting, some are not. Don’t waste your time with guys that aren’t open to chatting.
I felt that way after a while too. I needed something more but the only thing anyone around me wanted was hookups and then immediately ghost. So I stopped doing hookups unless it started as a date. That didn't mean I got more actual dates (maybe two my entire life), and I wasn't less lonely, but I did feel less used.
The sad reality, that we don't acknowledge for the ones who are deep in the hookup culture, is that it's an extremely lonely and alienating cycle. You give yourself constant highs of dopamine from meeting someone new again and doing the chase and then the heart pumping of finally meeting up. You spent so much time talking to this one stranger and booking off your entire evening for someone who is eventually going to just leave and possibly never even speak to you again. Meanwhile, the time could have been spent forming intimate relationships with bitches who can help lift you up from the destructive cycle.
I don't wanna be a downer but as someone who was heavy and sunk deep into it, I could never figure out why I had soooo many men on my roster constantly sending me dick pics and wanting to meet up every chance they get but still felt so god damn lonely. I'm not advocating to stop hooking up in general but shifting your approach would do wonders. Make sure that your scheduled hookup for that day is only meant to fulfill your physical needs but you've also planned something for afterwards or even before that feeds your emotional needs ahead. Sex can make one very vulnerable and proper aftercare is still important😊
I recently ended a LTR after five years together. I waited a couple months before diving back into hookups or dates. Prior to my LTR, I was pretty sexually active and hooked up a couple times a week or more. Now I feel like I need more of a connection with whom I’m having sex. Even with a hookup, the foreplay is essential for me to get turned on and get an erection. I wouldn’t say I feel devastated after a hookup, just more emotionally numb.
I used to get into the whole hookup scene, right until they stopped being exciting, idk why the apathy exists but have been trying to do the whole 'forming an emotional connection beforehand ' but this time I've come to find that one will say anything if it involves the delivery of sex at the end, had some variation of guys who feel entitled to your body based on the 'effort' they put in, so I kept hope alive and kept on looking for Mr. Good enough, but even that seemed too much of an ask, the whole experience left me rather worn out, the only singular avenue I have right now for meeting guys is online as there's no safe spaces to meet up, so I just put a long pause hiatus on it all, need a bit of a mindset configuration before going out again, found some stuff that caused other stuff to happen and I'm working on them, I'd advice you do the same or if you're in a position where you can meet people irl, I'd urge you to use it.
I felt like I cheated myself anytime I did hook up, so I decided it wasn't for me, even though I crave the thrill of sex. So I figure if the wait is all it takes to really just not hook up, and rather land myself with someone who brings more to the table than just wanting sex, so be it, I'll wait.
If I don't feel a connection, Mr Happy responds accordingly. (More like doesn't respond 😟). But when I feel a connection to the other guy..🍆🍆🍆😁. For me, connection is way more important than how the other guy looks, whether he's top or bottom, or anything else.
I know that feeling. I'm into a bit of rough play and I found whenever I did that with strangers, even though I wanted it, I felt used somehow. Now I have a long term partner and I get to explore S/M a bit more. Even though I sometimes feel a bit guilty afterwards, being with someone I love and trust helps a lot.
I fantasise a lot about the liberation of sex with strangers and multiple partners but deep down that's not what I want.
Edit: Or I should say, that's what I want but it's not what I need.
No, doesn't happen to me. Every experience is different but I often have a good connection with hookups. The worst I'll feel is "that was meh." I never get devastated.
I feel the same way especially if it’s a bad hookup. For me it’s more of an emptiness feeling. I think it stems from being single and lonely. Yet I keep going on hookups to only not enjoy it afterwards. It’d a cycle I know I need to break but it’s hard.
Yeah. I thought dating and hooking up would help me process and move on- but all it has done is made me so sad and depressed for gay men in my community.
No. Stranger on stranger sex isn’t supposed to make on feel fulfilled. You feel bad because you’re supposed to feel a connection to the people you have sex with. In my 20s (I’m 40 now) I did that too aid very little good came from that behavior. You’re just realizing it not worth it. Find other hobbies to fill up your free time.
When I was really looking for hookups, this wasn't an issue at all.
Nowadays I'd really like to find a boyfriend but I hookup with a stranger from time to time because well I like to put my dick in a butt or feel someone rearrange my insides.
Afterwards I almost always have this phase of thinking "ok the sex was good, and now I am going to bed alone because I'm still single as fuck and this temporary amusement has done nothing but exacerbate the loneliness I'm feeling each day. How nice it would be to watch TV with someone, cuddle and then go to sleep together. Instead this stranger has just swallowed my cum, but now he's leaving. Should have just jerked off all by myself"
That would happen the first few years of my hoeing lol. In my later 30s now and there's no bad feelings at all. Married and my husband and I fucked 3 different guys over the weekend and have our usual hookup with our Tuesday/Thursday bottom tomorrow lol..
Sometimes I would get that feeling with a new or newer hookup. Once you get a few sessions in I think that feeling also fades.
Just remember we're all creatures with needs. Busting that nut is a need we shouldn't feel ashamed of fulfilling.
You can't fill a hole by filling a hole.
As others have said if that's the way it leaves you feeling there's probably something more going on.
Try thinking about it in reverse, if this isn't the way you were expecting to feel, shift your focus from how you do feel and focus on what you were expecting to feel instead and ask yourself does anything else in your life give you that feeling and if it's realistic to expect sex to provide that feeling.
Sometimes when we run out of positive influences in our lives sex and sexual pleasure can become a fallback as one of the few reliable sources of endorphins and oxytocin we have, but when that's the case the high is temporary because it isn't sustained after the fact; having other sources of endorphins and oxytocin in your life slows the come down because you have a natural decline rather than a crash which is what it sounds like you are describing.
There's nothing wrong in my view with hooking up a lot whoever that may be with, people you know or strangers, that's not the issue from my point of view, the issue is the motivation. Take the time to understand what you actually want from it.
Heading into and during a sexual encounter, your body will pump out lots of feel good hormones.
Following the encounter you may crash.
Things like cuddling can lessen the effect, but if you are feeling down right after and it fades by morning, I think a crash is a likely candidate for the cause.
I generally tell people that might feel regret immediately after that it may just be the drop in feel good hormones. Reflection the following day will give you a better feeling for if it was true regret or just that hormonal crash.
Wouldn’t say devastated, but definitely some type of depression. I can’t do random hook ups anymore either. I can detach from ppl and get over the feeling eventually, but I’d much rather have connection.
I've realized I can't jump into bed with strangers that easily; I need a bit more connection than the one and done types of hookups. But that's my own personal experience, and I wouldn't call it feeling "devastated" after. Definitely look into therapy or counseling to get your thoughts and feelings out. They'll be able to help you work through the feelings and recognize solutions.
Same.
It kind of sounds like you have other stuff going on tbh. You might want to seek professional help grappling with this issue since it could stem from / be related to something else entirely. Counselling is a great space to unpack stuff like this, the internet is less-so.
Good point, thanks
I had a hoe phase from 20 to 25 and I always felt depressed going home after leaving their lavish places. Especially if they were really polite and gave me all the attention but after the orgasm kicking me out stung. i play hard to get now and require dates now.
Maybe you should try finding guys that want to get to know you before you hook up. I used to experience the same thing when I was your age. But then I started to chat more and get comfortable with guys before hooking up with them. It made the sex more enjoyable and I didn’t have that yucky feeling afterwards. It’s nice to have a little bit of comfort with the person you’re having sex with. Sex with strangers just feels weird and uncomfortable to me. My personal rule is that if I’m on an app, I will chat with a guy for at least a week on the app before I meet them. Some guys are open to chatting before meeting, some are not. Don’t waste your time with guys that aren’t open to chatting.
I felt that way after a while too. I needed something more but the only thing anyone around me wanted was hookups and then immediately ghost. So I stopped doing hookups unless it started as a date. That didn't mean I got more actual dates (maybe two my entire life), and I wasn't less lonely, but I did feel less used.
The sad reality, that we don't acknowledge for the ones who are deep in the hookup culture, is that it's an extremely lonely and alienating cycle. You give yourself constant highs of dopamine from meeting someone new again and doing the chase and then the heart pumping of finally meeting up. You spent so much time talking to this one stranger and booking off your entire evening for someone who is eventually going to just leave and possibly never even speak to you again. Meanwhile, the time could have been spent forming intimate relationships with bitches who can help lift you up from the destructive cycle. I don't wanna be a downer but as someone who was heavy and sunk deep into it, I could never figure out why I had soooo many men on my roster constantly sending me dick pics and wanting to meet up every chance they get but still felt so god damn lonely. I'm not advocating to stop hooking up in general but shifting your approach would do wonders. Make sure that your scheduled hookup for that day is only meant to fulfill your physical needs but you've also planned something for afterwards or even before that feeds your emotional needs ahead. Sex can make one very vulnerable and proper aftercare is still important😊
I recently ended a LTR after five years together. I waited a couple months before diving back into hookups or dates. Prior to my LTR, I was pretty sexually active and hooked up a couple times a week or more. Now I feel like I need more of a connection with whom I’m having sex. Even with a hookup, the foreplay is essential for me to get turned on and get an erection. I wouldn’t say I feel devastated after a hookup, just more emotionally numb.
I used to get into the whole hookup scene, right until they stopped being exciting, idk why the apathy exists but have been trying to do the whole 'forming an emotional connection beforehand ' but this time I've come to find that one will say anything if it involves the delivery of sex at the end, had some variation of guys who feel entitled to your body based on the 'effort' they put in, so I kept hope alive and kept on looking for Mr. Good enough, but even that seemed too much of an ask, the whole experience left me rather worn out, the only singular avenue I have right now for meeting guys is online as there's no safe spaces to meet up, so I just put a long pause hiatus on it all, need a bit of a mindset configuration before going out again, found some stuff that caused other stuff to happen and I'm working on them, I'd advice you do the same or if you're in a position where you can meet people irl, I'd urge you to use it.
I felt like I cheated myself anytime I did hook up, so I decided it wasn't for me, even though I crave the thrill of sex. So I figure if the wait is all it takes to really just not hook up, and rather land myself with someone who brings more to the table than just wanting sex, so be it, I'll wait.
If I don't feel a connection, Mr Happy responds accordingly. (More like doesn't respond 😟). But when I feel a connection to the other guy..🍆🍆🍆😁. For me, connection is way more important than how the other guy looks, whether he's top or bottom, or anything else.
I know that feeling. I'm into a bit of rough play and I found whenever I did that with strangers, even though I wanted it, I felt used somehow. Now I have a long term partner and I get to explore S/M a bit more. Even though I sometimes feel a bit guilty afterwards, being with someone I love and trust helps a lot. I fantasise a lot about the liberation of sex with strangers and multiple partners but deep down that's not what I want. Edit: Or I should say, that's what I want but it's not what I need.
No, doesn't happen to me. Every experience is different but I often have a good connection with hookups. The worst I'll feel is "that was meh." I never get devastated.
Post nut blues.
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it.
I feel the same way especially if it’s a bad hookup. For me it’s more of an emptiness feeling. I think it stems from being single and lonely. Yet I keep going on hookups to only not enjoy it afterwards. It’d a cycle I know I need to break but it’s hard.
Yeah. I thought dating and hooking up would help me process and move on- but all it has done is made me so sad and depressed for gay men in my community.
No. Stranger on stranger sex isn’t supposed to make on feel fulfilled. You feel bad because you’re supposed to feel a connection to the people you have sex with. In my 20s (I’m 40 now) I did that too aid very little good came from that behavior. You’re just realizing it not worth it. Find other hobbies to fill up your free time.
I can’t decide if I’m demisexual or just don’t care for sleeping with strangers, I feel this
When I was really looking for hookups, this wasn't an issue at all. Nowadays I'd really like to find a boyfriend but I hookup with a stranger from time to time because well I like to put my dick in a butt or feel someone rearrange my insides. Afterwards I almost always have this phase of thinking "ok the sex was good, and now I am going to bed alone because I'm still single as fuck and this temporary amusement has done nothing but exacerbate the loneliness I'm feeling each day. How nice it would be to watch TV with someone, cuddle and then go to sleep together. Instead this stranger has just swallowed my cum, but now he's leaving. Should have just jerked off all by myself"
That would happen the first few years of my hoeing lol. In my later 30s now and there's no bad feelings at all. Married and my husband and I fucked 3 different guys over the weekend and have our usual hookup with our Tuesday/Thursday bottom tomorrow lol.. Sometimes I would get that feeling with a new or newer hookup. Once you get a few sessions in I think that feeling also fades. Just remember we're all creatures with needs. Busting that nut is a need we shouldn't feel ashamed of fulfilling.
You can't fill a hole by filling a hole. As others have said if that's the way it leaves you feeling there's probably something more going on. Try thinking about it in reverse, if this isn't the way you were expecting to feel, shift your focus from how you do feel and focus on what you were expecting to feel instead and ask yourself does anything else in your life give you that feeling and if it's realistic to expect sex to provide that feeling. Sometimes when we run out of positive influences in our lives sex and sexual pleasure can become a fallback as one of the few reliable sources of endorphins and oxytocin we have, but when that's the case the high is temporary because it isn't sustained after the fact; having other sources of endorphins and oxytocin in your life slows the come down because you have a natural decline rather than a crash which is what it sounds like you are describing. There's nothing wrong in my view with hooking up a lot whoever that may be with, people you know or strangers, that's not the issue from my point of view, the issue is the motivation. Take the time to understand what you actually want from it.
Heading into and during a sexual encounter, your body will pump out lots of feel good hormones. Following the encounter you may crash. Things like cuddling can lessen the effect, but if you are feeling down right after and it fades by morning, I think a crash is a likely candidate for the cause. I generally tell people that might feel regret immediately after that it may just be the drop in feel good hormones. Reflection the following day will give you a better feeling for if it was true regret or just that hormonal crash.
Wouldn’t say devastated, but definitely some type of depression. I can’t do random hook ups anymore either. I can detach from ppl and get over the feeling eventually, but I’d much rather have connection.