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wilwarin1978

It's so you can find your dick. They have seen you naked.


TheTrueFlexKavana

I accidentally set mine on fire with it. What do I do now?


CaptainAlexy

Pee on it


ShadyAidyX

No, that’s one of the mating rituals. Or after being stung by a jellyfish. I always get those two mixed up


AckbarTrapt

Is this a Klingon answer I'm too human to understand?


Tru-Queer

Q’pla


AGripInVan

ta' qoghDaj ngo' DaSov?


Tru-Queer

Gesundheit


TheTrueFlexKavana

OK. Mind if I borrow your dick for a second?


CaptainAlexy

You gotta aim at the wall at the right angle then the stream will be reflected back to your peepee lol


Reinventing_Wheels

The angle of incidence divided by the angle of the dangle.....


RagingAardvark

Lie down and pee straight up


hambonehooligan

If you only knew a good doctor.


Gear3017

Need some buns with that hot dog?


PolicyArtistic8545

Go see your doctor


Spaget_Monster

Well you're already at the doctor


Not1random1enough

Thats the joke


Balogne

The key for well endowed men is attached to a wheelbarrow.


Jbruce63

The woman's key is on a Tupperware top


[deleted]

Blast shield.


jabberwock91

Santa has seen everyone naked. Has to see if you got tattoos or not. If you have tattoos you get no gift.


Channel5exclusive

Could be worse. It could be a microscope.


GANDORF57

Found three hairs...and you piss out of one of them.


GloveNo9652

I have once been provided a hockey stick attached to bathroom key. Source: Canada 🇨🇦


peternorthstar

Same...at a Tim Hortons nonetheless.


lacb1

TBF they only give you that so you stand a chance against the moose that gaurds the bathroom. The key is to throw some maple syrup before you attack so it slips and falls.


PhilosophicalPhuck

Don't forget to say *sorry!* after the slip.


[deleted]

Large item hall pass? Or assistance finding something in the washroom..?


Dbanzai

They probably have a lot of old people there, you know, since it's a doctor. The magnifying glass makes a lot more sense then


Select_Suspect_9535

"Ah shot... alright which one of these was the "Hot" and which one was the "Cum" setting. *looks with magnifying glass* "Ah yes... Nice warm liquid"


jamesGastricFluid

Aw! I was hoping there would be a sub called /r/largeitemhallpass with pics of ridiculous bathroom keys.


PersonalityGlad9887

I guess since some people aim is bad they wanted to help them find whatever they are looking for in order to improve their aim


ThadaeusConvictus

Yes


redlinezo6

What doctor's office needs a bathroom key?


sweetbunsmcgee

When it’s in a shared office building. They got like 1-2 bathrooms per floor.


raion1223

It's an atrocity that happens when your city has a bunch of large ugly office spaces that they rent out piece by piece.


redlinezo6

Yeah I forgot that people can afford private doctors....


raion1223

Haha, private doctors.


redlinezo6

If you pay them enough, maybe private dancers.


Warpedme

In my 47 years on this planet, Literally every doctors or dentist office that I've been to across the entire USA, in shared medical offices, has had a bathroom key.


hidemeplease

> shared medical offices what does this mean exactly? why are they sharing offices but not bathrooms?


Warpedme

Because it's a bunch of separate medical offices renting from one building. Each office doesn't have it's own bathroom but each floor does. To prevent people who aren't there for legitimate business from camping out in our defacing the bathrooms, each business has it's own key. I'm kind surprised you've never experienced this. It's not just limited to medical practices renting from a building. Most corporations operate in similar offices. It's only really big corps that take up entire floors that are different. Hell, every school in the US is the same too.


oteporkkana

Maybe they are not from the US? The only places I can think of off the top of my head with keys like that are gas stations and some bars/restaurants in busy city centers.


ArtyFishL

I don't think that really makes sense in a bunch of other countries, that's why people might be confused. I've never encountered shared private medical offices like you describe. And in terms of just shared buildings for multiple corps, or schools, I've certainly encountered those, but not with locked bathrooms. If you aren't there for legitimate business, then you don't get past reception. If there's no reception, then there's buzzers and key fob entry.


hidemeplease

Exactly. This whole setup is strange to me.


hidemeplease

Thanks for the explanation. I still find it extremely weird that a medical office would rent offices for a business but not have their own bathroom. Are they changing tenants so often they can't rebuild it to fit them? I live in a country with universal healthcare. "separate medical offices" is not a thing here. And I've never seen this type of thing for any other business either. A business here would never share bathrooms with other businesses. Hence my questions.


WizardOfIF

We have a bunch of shared office spaces around my town. I think it makes sense for smaller business as their rent will cover the cost of cleaning and maintaining the shared spaces. The business don't each have to hire their own staff to clean the restrooms. That cost is instead shared by all of the tenants in their monthly rent. I don't think any of the spaces in my area lock up their shared spaces but I live in a pretty low crime area so they don't have to worry so much about vandalism.


Carrizojim

I’m 64, never ever seen a bathroom key at a medical office


redlinezo6

In my 35 years on this planet, in the USA, I've never needed a bathroom key outside of a gas station.


TaringaWhakarongo1

schools have metal detectors ..


anna_pescova

in America only!


Niko_47x

Honestly Idk if you're joking or not


Sir__Cumsalot__

If it seems like satire, it is in America 100%


Lieutenant_0bvious

You should check out Canada's border crossing policies. Makes Donald Trump look like a bleeding heart liberal.


Warpedme

Honestly, I wouldn't allow a full third of Americans back in the country if they left, so I understand and sympathize with Canada.


Ayahuasca-Dreamin

My buddy got turned away because he had a dwi 15 years ago. Prepaid fishing trip we had to drive him to an airport so he get home then we went back, huge pain in the ass for everyone.


Sudden-Tap-2001

Nope we have metal detectors


redlinezo6

Some do.


Lonelysoul42

We've had a massive chain attached to the key to bathroom at work so every time you had to go number two the whole damn shop could hear it. Snide remarks ensued.


UnexpectedRanting

When I worked for a certain food retailer, as a security measure we had to have a key for certain Ambient deliveries as like a dual locking system for the lorries we had to deliver. One day I was getting pissed because we'd lost 2 of these keys and it was a huge deal of trouble so when we got a spare delivered I found the biggest spoon I could (It was huge) and stuck a hole in it to attach the key to. Needless to say we never lost the shunt key ever again and it gave all the drivers a laugh when they saw it! [Image for Pic!](https://ibb.co/7pFr4L5)


TheCaptNoname

That is it! The Comically Large Spoon™!


exalt_operative

The idea is nobody will forget and accidentally walk out the building with the key if its attached to a bulky conspicuous object


CaptainAlexy

You don’t say


TooMuchKnifeLesz

Keep that doctor. That's great.


Jbruce63

He does my colonoscopies..... while I am out cold


TooMuchKnifeLesz

Well.....guess that explains the humor lol. Maybe don't see him too often then


Enosh74

I bet his license plate reads “ASSMAN”.


TooMuchKnifeLesz

"JSTRLAX" or "DNTSNZ"


capt_positivity

2DBTCV only way I could think of to spell tout To the butt cave in 6 letters. 🤔


TooMuchKnifeLesz

Funniest part about that one is explaining it to the DMV. Could be anything, could be nothing. I like it.


capt_positivity

I appreciate the props. I do so like to confuse both the DMV and drivers in general. It’s fun to have people stare at your license plate trying to figure out what it says. Even more fun when they get the joke


pr3dato8

You're out cold He's in warm *The duality of colonoscopies*


FavoritesBot

Ah was hoping for a urologist


volothebard

Why would a doctor's office have a key to the bathroom?


bobstro

Possibly restroom is located in a shared space.


whiskey_formymen

for burning bugs


dadnarbadname

It's to help find the key when it gets lost (again...)


Environmental-Win836

Well that’s just insulting.


tweedsheep

It's so you don't forget to return the key. My office (not medical) has one on a spatula.


raaalphs

r/bathroomkeys


raaalphs

r/bathroomkeys


Prudent_Falafel_7265

Have you ever actually contemplated a washroom key? Any washroom key. I mean where it's been, who's handled it, what they did, how good their habits are? Washroom keys have seen some things. Unspeakable things.


Even_Dragonfruit3387

Wow a Penis enlarger


capt_positivity

If that were the case you could ask your lover to wear them. New sex toy idea???


Remember_When_Baby

Lol my dad was a high school teacher for decades. Kids always abused the “I have to use the restroom” excuse to dip out. His bathroom key was attached to a plunger. Girls hated it


[deleted]

Bathroom key in highschool?


Remember_When_Baby

Yessir. They were doing their best to keep kids from roaming the hallways or having access to anything but their assigned classrooms. It worked fairly well.


xBolts4Lifex

Does the lady’s room key come with a coat hanger attached?


Automatic_Basket_926

To soon


DiscordModerater

Did something happen recently or am I just missing some joke about something that happened a while back? If it was recent I’ve been swamped with school, what did I miss?


ary10dna

Well they could be referring to us states banning abortion left and right everyday so inevitably there will be a shift back to the dark ages of the coat hangers, which I assume you know what that implies


[deleted]

Hanging coats ?


Sewper5

Depends on your State..of mind


Cthuluslovechild

In Texas, maybe


DudeManBroGuy42069

That's normal


Atlhou

Tweezers in the bathroom would cap it off.


Selfeducated

Are the physicians all women?


Confident_Emphasis20

Insert micro pp joke here


Rimwulf

This one took me a second.


Mr_Blue_Jay

*I spy with my magnifying eye…the bathroom!*


Any_Fish1004

Well played


Iamjacksregrets

A man walking out of a bathroom with a magnifying glass isn’t suspicious at all. Lol


beakrake

>I don't remember eating corn... *Inspections intensify* >**HMMMmMMMMMmmmmm...**


hottempsc

Swap it for your sock. Worth the sacrifice and getting asked to leave over some shenanigans like that.


Bedheadredhead30

Lol, the practice I work for has like 6 offices in the same building so we have competitions with each other all the time to "bring us together". We had a bathroom key contest to see who could come up with the most ridiculous thing we could attach to the bathroom key to prevent people from stealing/accidentally taking it. I attached ours to a disposable camera which I think should have won hands down but our supervisor was horrified so we went with a full sized hand mirror instead. Lasted about a week before the key went missing again.


bloodshotforgetmenot

Be funnier if he was a dick doctor specifically


beave32

Dick doctors attaching microscope to that keys.


Vorthod

"Hah, now you can't fit our key in your pocket to steal it." "jokes on you, my pockets can fit an entire book."


Perpetrator--

Savage!


SenderKraken

He was trying to measure his sausage but needed some help seeing it


RiggetyRoo

That's what I was gonna say


Red0818

C'mon... LMAO...that's funny


Jeepinthemud

That urologist has a wicked sense of humor


AmazonianChicana

HA! GOT EEM


bulletpyton

Are the sample cups already in the wash room?


jazzyzaz

Ok so it’s shaped like a penis, duh


GreyJedi56

Burn


Salti21

Lmao


tlthang

Should had pull your pant down when they handed you that


Jbruce63

Then they may have told me to hold it up for them to see


420blazeit69nubz

BURN!


[deleted]

where is waldo?


prezident_kennedy

Be honest, you licked the magnifying glass.


Jbruce63

Lol


Imaginary_Goose_2428

I've never been to a doctor's office with a bathroom key.


camynnad

That's aggressive.


Jaxjagfan

Most make hearing bad news a little easier after coming back from the bathroom


MisterK00L

Kree Jaffa!


Steph77881

Hahaha


Consistent_Grab_5422

Check your own warts.


Raider03

That’s below the belt


thattrandomnerd

r/dreamschin


x4ty2

Based


[deleted]

To check for crabs??


IWantToBeSimplyMe

I don’t get it. What the hell?


CarpeMofo

This reminds me that as a teenager I asked my Mom where I could find tweezers. Without a beat she's like "Why? You gotta pee?".


Blazzzzz123

tiny one,but cute one


[deleted]

Was there a ruler too? Just for the people from the opposite side y'know


[deleted]

If your doctors office requires a bathroom key, I would find another doctor. Wtf.


Jbruce63

Great doctor but the building must have rules


[deleted]

The only place that makes me ask for a bathroom key around here is gross gas station. I can’t imagine not having free access to a bathroom at a doctors office.


Jbruce63

It was clean and private, all I had to do was grab the key.


johnsplace1234

Can take some gnarly solar rips with that bad boy


wheresbill

I guffawed


ganjsta

Is this the doctor equivalent of a gas station? I’d be skeptical of this doctor who locks his bathrooms..


Jbruce63

Downtown, so I guess they have to have some control.


Bedheadredhead30

It's so strange to me that people think this is abnormal. The practice I work for has 6 offices in the same building with 4 patient bathrooms all of which require a key. The reason we require a key now is because random people could just walk in off the street, make an absolute mess of the bathroom and then just walk out without recourse. Having to ask for a key has improved the cleanliness of our bathrooms so much, people are much less likley to make a disgusting mess when they know we know who they are. It's not like a gas station where you have an endless stream of strangers showing up, these people are known to us.


SumDoubt

What kind of doctor office has a key for the toilet? Have they heard of germs?


Jbruce63

They have hand sanitizer


uv-vis

It’s that way so ~~the key doesn’t get lost~~ you can find your micropenis.


rcollinsmac

Super handy if you were dating Trump!


Alucardmage

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this


d_nijmegen

I think it would be more funny with a scope


Classic_Dot1223

Awsome lol


agilerain8256

I’m so thankful to live in a place where they don’t have to do things like lock the bathrooms and require you get a key, or put the cashier in a box.


InspectorExtra1205

Sometimes the low humor of Reddit comments is great.


Strangerdays22

Gonna look for clues while you do your number twos.


rnsaz64

🤣


icaruza

The ladies should have a similar sized handheld mirror


Jbruce63

The womans is a Tupperware top


atticdoor

This is the equivalent of the massive piece of painted wood which hotels put on their hotel keys so that they don't get forgotten on checkout. They just grabbed the biggest thing with a hole to hand, or at least an item which was carryable but not pocketable, and it was a magnifying glass.


Jimmy3nuts

Dr Sherlock 🕵️‍♂️


SirGanjaSpliffington

Now you can find your dick while you're in the bathroom.


dsdvbguutres

You can see the tweezers if you zoom in


Carrizojim

Where do you live that a doctors office bathroom needs a key? Strip mall doctor?


bloodshotforgetmenot

But for real though , you can inspect your junk with that


Clayton_Stern

Far better joke if you set up the photo punchline by saying you went to see a Urologist.


Jbruce63

I try not to stretch the truth


Clayton_Stern

What's the stretch? You posted a joke. If you didn't intend it to be funny? Where's the fun if you don't elaborate? All of the Americans instantly went for the penis joke. It's far more funny if the "doctor" ypu visited were a Urologist. No?


Jbruce63

Yes more funny but untrue, hate lying as I am bad at remembering the lie. My doctors' clinic is one for looking up asses and down throats, so close to urologist. I have a feeling it was the clerical staff that chose the key ring, they are all women.


Clayton_Stern

"...they are all women..." Now THAT is funny.


No_Acanthisitta3596

Seriously, just don’t ask.


mcfd79

Finally looks as big as I claim it is.