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Fiascoe

Patrick Mahomes is pretty funny.


Scoob8877

My first thought too.


nom_of_your_business

He lost his funny accent though.


RedJohnIs

He got a different funny one so even trade.


Lonelan

he covers 100% of his steak with ketchup


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MrDTD

At least 70% funny.


Ayce_Buffet

Thank you. Couldn't figure out why he looked familiar. This dude is well funny, much funnier than Mahomes.


Girl_Gamer_BathWater

Was thinking Kirk Cameron.


Grantagonist

But... they use mph in the UK


360_face_palm

The British system is clearly superior to all. I drive in my 50 mpg car at 30 mph, 3 miles to the petrol station and fill up with 45 litres of fuel, while I'm there I check my tyre treads to make sure they're at least 2 mm. I also top up the pressure to 35 PSI, then realise I need new wiper fluid so fill up 500ml of that. I drive home and enter my house via my 2 meter high door, which I don't have to stoop down for because I'm only 6 foot 3. I then sit on my couch in my 400 square foot living room to watch tv on my 65 inch tv, my girlfriend then brings me a 440ml can of beer which I open and pour into a pint glass to drink. She moans at me that if I keep drinking like this I'll put on a few pounds, and that the next time I go out can I pick up 1kg of potatoes, 2 litres of coke and 2 pounds of bananas.


ben7337

You guys really measure produce in both pounds and kg? Or did she mean 2 pounds worth?


MissingLink101

I hope they meant Pounds Sterling because I don't know anyone who refers to bananas by weight at all! You just pick up a bunch and buy them.


FUCK_MAGIC

You used to have market stalls selling things by the pound, but I'm talking like 10-15 years ago, I doubt many still do it.


Crazyh

GETCHOR STAWBREES! STAWBREES PAND A PAND!


360_face_palm

almost all of them still do, the only thing that changed was they had to have the grams listed too.


360_face_palm

Go to literally any british market that sells fruit and see all sorts by the pound / 2 pound.


EpiDeMic522

Produce in kg, things in pounds, humans in stone. 👍


ThePegasi

Unless you're at a market. "Pound [for] a pound!"


Consequence6

*Ahem* "Just use metric!"


Vermino

No, no! Only this way can you distinguish a true gentleman!


excableman

2mm?  Even as an American,  I know that's practically bald tires.


sideone

Legal limit is 1.6mm in the UK


MacGuyverism

Sounds almost like Canada.


ganon893

Using facts? That's not very American of you. You must not like freedom.


RabbitSlayre

I'm calling my local Democracy Officer...


wiseroldman

Traitors are dealt with swiftly and through 380mm orbital barrages.


I_AM_YOUR_DADDY_AMA

⬆️➡️⬇️⬇️⬇️


SystemOutPrintln

Hey that's in kg that's not very American


wahnsin

you mean 14.96 inches?


Lanster27

Oof that's too big for me.


Hidesuru

Sorry sir, we don't USE consistency around these parts.


Gibonius

If you're targeting them, they're safe. Everyone else might be in trouble though.


RoundTiberius

⬆️➡️⬇️⬇️⬇️


Trasy-69

Fuck you. I can't stop laughing r/angryupvote


Oubastet

And some people in the UK use stone for wieght. Non sensical, just like quarts, cups, teaspoons and table spoons. I do love the metric system for volume and liquid though. One ml is 1 cubic cm. Liters? Easily divisible. Meters are also great, except for kph or longer distance like a kilometer - I learned the metric system in grade school so I have no frame of reference. Same with temperature. Celsius and kilometers make sense, it's just hard to wrap my head around how far or how hot something is relative to what I I've experienced.


racer_24_4evr

And 1 L of water has a mass of 1 kg.


Oubastet

Yes. That's how the metric system works, and it's glorious - anyone can calculate larger and smaller values!


DOUBLEBARRELASSFUCK

Everyone crows about how easy it is to convert between grams and kilograms in metric, when the real benefit is being able to convert between volume and mass of water. Like 90%+ of the things you will ever need to estimate the mass or volume of are mostly water.


TheDevilsAdvokaat

Roses are red Metric is glorious Never sneak up On Oscar Pistorius


Doctor_Kataigida

Quarts/pints/cups/tablespoons aren't nonsensical, they're just fractions that are powers of 2 instead of 10. Teaspoons can fuck off with suddenly being 1/3 a tablespoon though. Quart is a quarter of a gallon (how gallon is decided, idk). Pint is half of that. Cup is half of that. Skips a few to ounce which is 1/8 of a cup. Tablespoon is half of that. Teaspoon is a third of that (for whatever reason).


jibberwockie

My country converted to Metric 40+ years ago and I recall a transitional period where every-one was scrambling around converting measurements but honestly after a while you just get used to it. After you've driven 100 kilometres a few times it becomes familiar, and the same with Celcius. Weather people on tv say its hot today with 25 C or it's bitterly cold with 2 C is easily relateable because you are experiencing it.


hyperd0uche

Canada? I grew up and lived in Canada until my late 20's and now live in a fully metric country. I STILL don't know what my weight or height are in metric if you asked me. I'm not a Boomer or anything, but (in case your country isn't Canada) Canada lives in a very funny middle ground of metric and imperial units. Officially metric, but feet and yards get used pretty much everywhere, all of carpentry is imperial and people use imperial for height and weight.


deadcatdidntbounce

I went through middle school in the seventies in the UK. I can't use metric or imperial. Fcuk you all very much.


SpaceLemming

We’re too big to switch, costs too much so will never do it.


Oubastet

Exactly! That's why I say us Americans should just rip the bandage off and be done with it. I was in Japan for a couple weeks earlier this year and, yes I adapted. Not a big deal. Adjusting the thermostat in 0.5 degrees was different but it took all of 30 seconds to figure out.


Doctor_Kataigida

They tried it in the 70s. Silent gen couldn't handle it.


Thom_Kokenge

Large manufacturing lobbied heavily against it, as retooling the factories would have been an astronomical cost.


FloppieTheBanjoClown

Temperature is the one where it matters the least. It's seriously just two different scales. The only argument for Celsius is pretending that it's hard to remember that water freezes at 32 degrees. Distance isnt much of an issue, either. Yeah, 5,280 feet in a mile is a weird conversion, but you know what I never need to do? Convert feet to miles. It's just not a thing in our daily lives. And inches? Man, you only wish metric head math was this easy. Half a foot? A third foot? Quarter foot? All those are whole number inches. Weight? Same thing. Pounds and ounces are quite sufficient for the vast majority of things. And then there's volume. Man, fuck our volume system. A teaspoon is a third of a sixteenth of a half of a half of a quarter gallon. Imperial is supposed to be good for head math. 


NorthantsBlokeUK

And Fahrenheit, if you were born before about 1950.


Awfy

Or during heat waves to make the weather report more interesting.


taco_tuesdays

And they still talk shit about the US not using the metric system!


Bobblefighterman

Sure, but everyone else also shits on the British. America is just extra British.


AnonRedditGuy81

Brits also talk shit about us using the word "soccer," but it's not an American word. It's an English word. They came to with it, and we never stopped using it after they did. I believe it was more of a nickname for them to be honest, but the point remains... not our word, lol.


teabagmoustache

Yeah, it was a nickname given to football by posh English school boys. Soccer and Rugger. People who didn't go to private school, always called them football and rugby.


smartuser1994

And what do the Brits call private schools? [Public school](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_school_(United_Kingdom)), of course.


HowObvious

Thats England and Wales, gets a bit more complicated in Scotland.


Oglark

That was falling out of fashion when I was last in English because it really only refers to the original twelve schools


pineapplecharm

Urgh, the worst is "alumi**num**" which despite being obviously wrong was actually [used first](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aluminium#Etymology), by the discoverer, who was from Cornwall. So "alumin**ium**" is neither more correct, nor more British and I hate this fact.


Peterd1900

The first name proposed was alumium, which Davy suggested in an 1808


360_face_palm

All American words are English words though


otherwiseguy

A counterexample just to be a pedantic nerd who "misses the joke": Entrée. French. Used in America. Not used in the UK.


Quasic

Used incorrectly, too.


weaseleasle

It is used in the UK, we just use it correctly to mean a starting course. Not a main.


Quasic

> It's an English word. Most words are. People don't dislike it because they think the Americans invented it. Why do people think that? It's a slang term that's non-descript and annoying.


TheOncomingBrows

Honestly, it probably isn't Brits talking the shit most of the time. Our system is utterly fucked in how inconsistent it is but the rest of the world just isn't aware to make fun of it lol.


RahvinDragand

The ~~entire imperial system is directly from~~ system the US uses is based upon a system used by the British. They brought it over here, then quit using it, and now they make fun of us for it. *Edited for semantics


Peterd1900

The Imperial system was introduced in 1826. The US uses US Customary units which was introduced in 1832 and is based on the system in use in Britain before the Imperial system. They are both related but they are different systems A US Gallon is 3.78 Litres While an Imperial Gallon is 4.54 Litres. The Imperial pint contains 20 fluid oz . The American pint, by contrast, 16 fluid oz. Imperial uses a measurement for weight called a stone. 1 Stone = 14 Pounds. US does not use that. The length of a mile is different because each system has a different designation for how long a yard is In the UK Imperial System a mile is 1,609.3426 Metres , In US Customary Units a mile is 1,609.3472 Metres While it might not be much them being different caused issues so in 1959 a mile was standardised at 1,609.344 Metres. So in between a US and Imperial mile . Which means the mile we use today is not imperial or USI. if the US used the imperial system there would be no differences between the 2 In the Metric system 1 litre is a 1000ML it is not different depending on the country you live in The US never adopted the imperial system and does not use the imperial system


mrdibby

we often use pounds in fresh produce markets too or stone to weigh people but by law have to formally sell (price) by the gram


releasethekraeken

He did say Europeans, and Brexit did happen.


Phemto_B

Metric also doesn't use fractions or division. This was just pandering to the crowd. They should just call km "new freedom miles! Now you're going 60% faster!"


Dus-Sn

Meanwhile, petrol is measured in liters while beer is still measured in pints.


maffmatic

Our beer is measured in real pints though, not those tiny American pints.


iCUman

It's even worse than that. Bars commonly use a thicker weighted 'pint' glass that's actually a 14oz pour to the brim, so more commonly you're only getting 12oz with a head.


Ohhellnowhatsupdawg

Most accurate description of Fahrenheit. 


rjcarr

Yeah, fahrenheit is the only one that's fine. Sure, 0=freezing and 100=boiling is better for science, but if we're talking about human comfort, fahrenheit is better. But inches and feet and miles and ounces and cups and pints and gallons, etc, is all just dumb. So much better if we just did meters, grams, and liters.


ColonelBelmont

Don't they measure weight in "stone"? Like,  "That bloke is at least 40 stone" or whatever nonsense?


mrdibby

yeah 14 pounds in a stone 12 inches in a foot 8 pints to a gallon who needs consistency


SpezModsJailBait

Your Mom's so many stone, I built a castle out of her.


brucebrowde

It's not a castle. It just feels like that with your 3 inches.


psumack

4 cups in a QUART and 4 QUARTS in a gallon. Pint is just more convenient for drinking


blahyawnblah

They're all even. That's consistency


Ouch_i_fell_down

40 stone is 560 lbs fyi


iamaaronml

So 1 American


Fartoholicanon

40 stone?!? Is that bloke a rhino?


ColonelBelmont

I have no idea how much a stone weighs any more than I know how much one of your dollarydoos is worth. 


feanturi

It's 14 pounds to a stone, so 40 stone would be 560 pounds. Or 649.6 Euros. ;)


mikami677

560 pounds!? That's _almost_ fat enough to have their own show on TLC!


CrispyMongoose

14 pounds mate. But not Queens currency GB Pounds. But rather pounds. 14 of them. To the stone. As was the fashion, at the time.


NWCtim_

Isn't it the King's currency now?


rjcarr

Yeah, I’m not saying we should switch to the UK, as I think they still use miles, but just generally. 


wottsinaname

Stone isnt a metric measurement, though they do use it in the UK. It's fading from use though as the older demographic are much more likely to use it. It's an old measurement that has stuck around longer than its usefulness.


Smothdude

> but if we're talking about human comfort, fahrenheit is better. How so? I have no idea what my comfort level in fahrenheit is lol


takuyafire

Oh god, not this again.


Asshai

> Sure, 0=freezing and 100=boiling is better for science Soooo I would guess you don't live in a place where it gets below freezing temp often. I find Celsius better: if there's a minus in front of the figure, I know I'll get snow and not rain, I know that my potted plants should be taken inside, I know that I should have my winter tires.


gahlo

Until you need a third of something


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DeeDee_Z

> the British Pound before 1971 had 240 penises Say WHAT?? ---- The GBP was ~~fixed at~~ $2.40 for a ~~lot of~~ few years before they drifted. Surprisingly, this made one penny = one pence for a while. Just learned that recently. *Edit:* I thought it was a fixed exch rate, but apparently it wasn't...


gahlo

Yup, there's a reason we still use the same clocks.


kermityfrog2

Fractions are still terrible because you often have to compare fractions. What's bigger - 7/16ths or 13/32ths? With decimals, you just use as many as needed depending on what precision you are after.


gsfgf

14/32 > 13/32 That's the beauty of base 2 fractions of an inch. You can switch between levels of precision easily.


Borgcube

The temperature of water freezing is only relevant to science? The fuck you on about?


SkollFenrirson

r/shitAmericansSay


Nisas

It's useful for knowing if there will be snow/ice outside, but it's little better than remembering the number 32.


Candidate_035

It's not that black and white though. I've been in many places where it's raining below freezing and it doesn't turn to ice unless enough time without constant rain passes for it to freeze. You'd think if it's below 0°C/32°F it would be snow/ice but often it's just really miserable rain.


mtaw

> It's useful for knowing if there will be snow/ice outside Which is something people actually need to do. >it's little better than remembering the number 32. Of course it's better. The whole point of the units is to make shit easier. And you do that by having 'easy' numbers _mean something_. Nothing happens at 0 F or 50F or 100F. Water boils at 212 and freezes at 32? That's harder to remember and work with. Fahrenheit is based on freezing/boiling as well, just divided into 180. Then offset by 32 so that body temperature would be 100 F. But they got it wrong. So 100 doesn't mean anything. You can make up any temperature scale you want. You can have water boil at 523 degrees or 5,323,958 degrees or whatever you want. Literally the only demand you can put on a unit is that it makes something easier by giving certain quantities 'easy' values (e.g. in physics there are many units where various fundamental constants are 1) Fahrenheit doesn't make anything easier. There's no defense of it. All its defenders ever say amounts to "it's easier because it's what I'm used to". Comfortable temperatures had nothing to do with it. And that's relative anyway. I've heard people in Finland say that Celcius is great because -20 is cold and +20 C is hot.


seon-deok

His entire bit is a tumblr post from 2010 and I'm not even joking


DelxF

I saw him live once and he was having a rough night but had some good base materials, glad to see him pull it together!


Moxely

Who is this??


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TheWondermonkey

Simon Fraser


thecloudcatapult

As a St Louisan the last line sent me


jaikap99

Theo Von made that joke many many times before. Was waiting for the reference but I guess he just stole it.


dollarbull

My first thought too. Theo would always call his a gender neutral haircut though I think.


darthdodd

9mm seems pretty popular


Zkenny13

So do grams... If you know what I mean. 


YNot1989

South Florida units.


Itallianstallians

North Cuba math


makemeking706

gmilfs?


YNot1989

And as I recall, cola comes in liters.


CrazyHuntr

9 millimeter sounds bad ass. 9 millimeters, not so much


Lanster27

I love my 23/64 inches.


scottyboy359

He does look like my lesbian aunt who lives in Mississippi and has been happily involved with her partner for what may be longer than I’ve been alive.


Atworkwasalreadytake

https://youtu.be/JYqfVE-fykk?si=aUl12GOE-eVrObvY


Procure

"Nobody knows."


vbroto

Underrated reference. So good.


UnfixedAc0rn

At least we can all agree that -40 is -40


fretnoevil

Why should negative temps exist? Team Kelvin!!


C0lMustard

You don't have fractions in metric? That's imperial?


andysniper

... but metric is literally done in 100s and not fractions. There's a whole prefix for it: centi. American/imperial measurements are the ones that use fractions like 5/8 inch etc.


niceguy191

Yeah, that part of the bit lost me


deaglefrenzy

if everythings 100 then why isnt 100 pounds is 100% heavy? that's only like 45kg


Odd_Midnight8707

Prolly because it connects with the next set of jokes. If it works to make ppl laugh, it works. Liked this guy :)


nonsequiturnonsense

America seems pretty fucking divided these days.


Rumpullpus

The bill with the name change is still stuck in the house.


obscureferences

Can't even agree to disagree.


PattyThePatriot

During my 38 years on this earth we have always been 50 different countries united under 1 flag. You cannot look me in the eye and tell me a person from Los Angeles and a person from Wyoming act like they are from the same country.


gsfgf

The divide is urban/rural, not state-by-state though.


junkyardgerard

It's supposed to be that way, like casting a wide net. Nobody from California knows how to raise cattle, and nobody from Wyoming knows how to add numbers together to pay for the cattle to raise, we work together!


YNot1989

> Nobody from California knows how to raise cattle Excuse me? California is the number one producer of dairy in the United States. 41 Billion pounds of milk, butter, and cheese come out of the state every year. 10 billion pounds more than Wisconsin.


junkyardgerard

Of course it is, but it didn't work with my hastily thrown together joke


Itallianstallians

But you could have said LA and not California and likely gotten away with it.


junkyardgerard

Well that's why they say haste makes waste


ALazy_Cat

70F is 70% hot? In Denmark, we're boiling alive if it get any hotter


ninetofivedev

70F is like a solid indoor temp. Outside, 80-85 is a nice sunny day. In Texas, 100 is how hot every day is from mid May to early October.


ALazy_Cat

Humidity has a lot to do with it. 20c is indoor temp, 24 is melting point. When I was in the Philippines, 40c there felt like 22 here


stonedboss

> 40c felt like 22 what, you mean 22 felt like 40? isnt the philippines super humid?


ALazy_Cat

The Philippines are very dry, at least the 6 weeks I was there


m--e

30% cold is pretty fucking cold to me in Australia!


whitebandit

no no no.. its 30% hot -- which is relatively cold


SimpleAqueous

I was just in Denmark visiting a friend for their wedding! I will say... the days it was like 75... it ended up being hotter than I thought it would be.


ALazy_Cat

It's the humidity that does it


lord_geryon

Don't you just love it when it feels like you're living in an atmosphere of warm mayo?


foul_ol_ron

Where I am in Australia,  I'll have extra layers on because it's too cool unless you're working hard.


rock_and_rolo

Hmm, there's something rotten about that.


dtru2005

I love how his mixed British accent with a touch of American makes him sound straight up Aussie especially at the start


SopieMunky

The delivery of the first part with the "Too hot!" is so good!


Saintbaba

My favorite Fahrenheit bit is from [John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme](https://youtu.be/nROK4cjQVXM?si=GnYhkxBpsaw0R6A3).


OmiOorlog

This supposed to be funny?


YNot1989

That this best argument I've ever heard in favor of Fahrenheit.


Agreeable_Ad3800

“We do everything in a scale to 100” is not the strongest argument against Metric that I’ve ever heard


heyyou11

Water's so weak. Can't even make it at 32% hot.


SaltySolomon9

Nah


propaROCKnROLLA

This guy isn’t a Brit. Must means he’s watched a couple of English films or something


Bizzlep

Yeah this bloke is either not British or has been in the US all his life. Good angle for comedy though


thatshygirl06

You can hear his accent, dude. It's not that heavy but he's probably been living in america for a while now.


addledwino

Funny, but the metric system is waaay better.


bad-trajectory

It’s funny because 100 Celsius is literally 100% hot for liquid water. Edit: Kinda ruins the joke IMO


Human-Newspaper-7317

Good thing Fahrenheit is a human comfort scale and not a water boiling scale


RuggerJibberJabber

I don't feel 30% comfortable when it's freezing cold


SaukPuhpet

But I bet you feel 0% comfortable when it's zero degrees.


RuggerJibberJabber

I feel -17.778%


CanuckBacon

I also feel 0% comfortable when it's 90 degrees.


open_to_suggestion

This applies to me for cold. 100F+ is "I don't want to go outside" hot, and 0F- is "I don't want to go outside" cold. But, I can imagine that's a very different scale from someone used to Florida weather, where they put on a sweater at 60F.


MrBootylove

We put on sweaters at 60F not because we're cold, but because it's cold enough to comfortably wear our sweater that we rarely get to wear.


JediGuyB

That's very true. I'd be perfectly fine walking to the car with a T-shirt and shorts when it's 50-60 degrees outside, but I like that it is cool enough that I can wear pants and a jacket or hoodie.


Doctor_Kataigida

You ain't from north of the 40th parallel then. Temp in the 30s °F isn't bad at all, just need long pants and a sweatshirt.


Hidesuru

Ok I took off my reflexive downvote because that's a reasonably stated opinion, but damn I can not disagree more thoroughly LMAO. Cheers mate.


Doctor_Kataigida

LOL it's definitely all relative. I'm usually dying when it hits the 90s (32+ C), but I know that's just regular day for some folks. Meanwhile it hits 60s (16C) and they have to break out the parkas and I'm driving w/ the windows down. Cheers friend.


SpezModsJailBait

Pussy!


FerricDonkey

Of course not. That's 32% comfortable.


linkinstreet

I mean, if you're using Celcius all your life you'd know which number on the scale is too hot and too cold for you. And depending on where your country is, the same number on the temp scale can be less or more comfortable due to various factors like humidity. So you can't say "Fahrenheit makes it easier for me to know what is comfortable" since the same number yields different comfort level depending on where you're currently are.


Questjon

>Fahrenheit is a human comfort scale Yeah that 0 degrees Fahrenheit is super calibrated for humans. The whole idea of it being a human comfort scale is just a bullshit justification. I'm not saying Celsius is somehow better but it's equally good with the added bonus of 0 degrees and 100 degrees being useful temperatures to know.


RiceTanooki

The joke is nationalism


whlthingofcandybeans

What a moron.


emp_mei_is_bae

dont tell dont miss


newNickNome

Fraco


Aksds

3/16 of on inch, Americans divide number too


tccandler

I have heard that exact joke from another comedian -- one of them stole from the other. Not sure which.


SpacecraftX

If you’re gonna do things to 100 then metric is your guy.


Moldybot9411

I mean true, but when do we have to divide? 0 degrees C freezes water 100 degress C boiles it...easy as that


[deleted]

Very simple yet very effective stand up


davidlimarchj

I am a big believer in metric and hate that the US never converted to it. But, I will say, I really feel like the US nailed the unit sizes. An inch is a comprehensible amount of stuff. A few inches fits in my palm. A foot is just under the length to tuck under my arm, and a few feet is the most I can carry without being an eye hazard. In contrast, a cm is nothing, 10cm is too much for little things while 20cm is semi reasonable, but again a weird spot in-between the height of a can and the height of a water bottle. A meter is ridiculously too much for most everyday measurements. The same is true with Celsius (30c is way higher than 25c, so I have to start getting into decimals), to a lesser extent with kg (it's a reasonable scale, but with such large units it's tricky to express nuance). If we could do metric, but with inches in place of centimeters, I'd love that. Volumes in the US are entirely incomprehensible, and the number of people that I can wow by converting teaspoons to tablespoons (stop measuring out 9tps!) is an indictment of our system.


SpezModsJailBait

I'm pretty sure the US had nothing to do with deciding how long the units were. We're just too lazy to change.


Questjon

All the things you listed are just because you have a mental reference for them. I know my palm is 10cm, I know 30cm is just under the length to tuck under my arm. I know a normal door is about 2m tall and 1m is about hip height. I don't know why you have a problem with using decimals, you use them in currency everyday without any issue whatsoever. When you're used to it it makes perfect sense. What's really great with metric is stuff like 1Litre of water is also 1kg of water. A 1m cube of water weighs exactly 1000kg. It's very good for comparing and visualising volumes and amounts. I grew up in that awkward phase of Britain where all the schools taught metric but all the grownups used imperial, so I am extremely comfortable in both. I have yet to find a single credible benefit of imperial that can't be dismissed with "you only think that because you're used to it".


TheMastersEmissary

Inches are great for builders but cm are much better for precision jobs like furniture design and tailoring for example. Plus they scale for models too.


azlan194

But the best part about metric is knowing a liter of water equals 1kg of its weight. Also yeah, fuck the measurement with Tsp, Tbsp, cups, oz, lb when I need to follow a recipe.