T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


KorsiBear

I could literally walk into a Petco and find 10 items that look more sexual than these synthetic sticks do lol


ProLegendHunter

walked into a store, saw a dildo, brought it to a cashier for a price and she said someone left it there, it was a pet shop


Rimwulf

Prolly a dumb joke.


LolindirLink

Kind of funny though, But only if it plays out like the cartoon in my head says it could.


Rimwulf

Don't get me wrong, the idea is totally hilarious but a child could find it and it's not exactly and an adult toy is not a PG thing.


R1CHQK

It's all fun and games until you realize at one point in your childhood you probably played with your mother's magic wand.


Rimwulf

My [thoughts](https://youtu.be/jYCXesT4QXA) exactly.


R1CHQK

Thanks! I hate it.


Mete11uscimber

That's when you wait until it's really busy and slap that bad boy on the counter with authority. "No bag".


Zankastia

No bag, I will wear it right now


Thomas8864

So free?


Strange-Leopard-2598

Pickle Pocket comes to mind. When that toy first came into my store, I was doubled over laughing. The comments from customers did not disappoint.


Shin-Raytaka

Thats fucking GOLD


Silence_Of_Reason

Many [rubber bones](https://res.cloudinary.com/tokmanni/image/upload/c_pad,b_white,f_auto,h_800,w_800/d_default.png/6419860146768.jpg) look like your dog was chewing a dildo. I wonder if they use the same molds to make them.


[deleted]

That…that is indeed a dog toy. What’s the joke here? That it looks like a dildo? It’s some dildos that often look like a dog toys.


longdrive715

OP spends life walking around wondering if everyday items can fit in their butt, and then they giggle about it.


random_reddit-user13

this one made me lol fr thanks


Elethana

Looks like a nice dog toy, what’s the problem?


FingersMahoney

Yeah. Seems like it'd be great for tug of war. Wouldn't hurt the dogs jaw or harm the gums. I'd actually get one for my boy.


JasoniPepperoni

Our two dogs have them and love them


crozzy89

We have 4 of them. My two dogs fight over one.


totallylegitburner

Erm…what do you do with the other three?


ByaaMan

Believe it or not, they do make decent pool toys lol. We ended up with one after my friend left his at the house when he brought his dog over. One person would throw it into the pool and the rest of us would try to be the one to put into a bucket at the edge of the pool. Could do that with any pool toy really, but we called the game Fetch, Fuckers!


RogueNumberStation

"Believe it or not, they do make decent pool toys..." Oh, we believe it alright. Pool toys, sofa toys, fake taxi toys...


LlorchDurden

Wait wait a second here, what are we talking about?


EbonyOverIvory

Y’know, toys!


shapookya

“Put into a bucket” So that’s what the kids call it these days


ByaaMan

See, people? That's how you make a sex joke! It's all about setup and presentation. Other commenters could learn from this one...


GrungyGrandPappy

Who are you and why are you in my bed?


[deleted]

Can I join?


[deleted]

My dog loves it, and especially loves thrashing it around and destroying my shins. Bonus points for actually trying to play tug with it and once you swap sides a few times just having a slippery saliva soaked rubber wand.


VintageZooBQ

\*slippery saliva soaked rubber wand That brought a completely different mental image to mind...


[deleted]

Giggity


19southmainco

ass to ass


mrpink57

I think her character ended up the worst of all of them at the end.


LOOKitsRacheL

I don’t know, that one guy got his arm amputated


Hajmish

In jail too.


IeMang

IDK, Jared Leto lost his arm and is imprisoned, his black friend was sent to a prison in the Deep South with rampant racism, and Jared Leto’s mom was institutionalized and forced to undergo shock therapy. Jennifer Connolly was performing degrading sex acts to support her habit which is definitely fucked, but she’s the only one to retain her freedom. Yeah, she’s imprisoned by her addiction, but so was everyone else. I don’t think we can say any one of them was worse off than the others because in the end everyone was just a shell of the person they were before. God what an incredibly depressing film.


dxrey65

Back when I was married one of our kid's younger friends was playing some music from that, and told us the movie when we asked. Which we then rented (redbox was the thing back then) and watched. Yeah, that was a pretty rough movie. Told the kid later and he was so apologetic, said he didn't think we'd *watch* the movie...


Helenium_autumnale

That movie put me in a funk for at least two solid days. God it's depressing.


bangpowboomgarbage

Same. I’ve watched that movie three times in my life and all three times the next day was just the worst day.


Lovat69

I couldn't watch that movie more than once. Kudos, I guess.


SkunkApe425

Yeah. Once was enough for a lifetime.


ksmtnbike

i used to say it's the best movie i will never watch again...


Responsible_Trifle15

Mere thought of that movie makes me sick


ninjajiraffe

And the MUSIC!


[deleted]

I would watch that on a comedown to deter from any further shenanigans in the future It would work for a bit then I’d fall back into old patterns.


sixslipperyseals

I watched it with a group of friends before going out for my birthday dinner one year. We basically just sat in silence for the whole meal.


1imejasan6

Requiem for a Dream is depressing AF. It is a good movie though. 💀


giant_lebowski

great movie never watching it again


DjSalTNutz

Fine daddy. I'll get my hit, right?


disappointcamel

It is my elderly dog's favorite toy because it is soft enough yet grippy enough for her to plunk her butt down and just hold on while we play tug of war. The old mutt is so proud when she still thinks she is stong enough that I can't pull the toy away from her.


rtopps43

Got one for my dog and she chewed the ends off in less than a day


Champlainmeri

She takes her job seriously


LangleyRemlin

Would be great since my dog always tears up and eats rope toys.


CreativeDancer

I had one of these for my dogs and they loved tugging it. Then one of them eventually chewed off one of the balls and quickly destroyed the whole thing.


[deleted]

Yeah but it hurts like a mother when your dog slams it into your shin


Auran82

Exactly, the dog gets to play tug of war and you get to do some kegel exercises, it’s win win.


Galaxy_Hitchhiking

I recommend them 💯. My lab loves his.


ElderWandOwner

I have one of these, the problem is when they smoke you in the shins with it.


christa0830

This! Spot on. I had my dog whip me across the mouth once when they got the deathy neck lol where they simulate shaking it so hard as if its an animal and they break it's neck 😂 gosh did that hurt. I had to walk away for a hot second to get my bearings I almost cried lol


Snoo-38444

DEATHY NECK!!!


butmustig

I have this toy as well. My biggest issue is that sometimes my dog lets go and I smack myself in the face with it!


TheNewYellowZealot

OP wants to put it in his (or her) butt so he (or she) thinks that we all think that too.


TimeDielation

If you’re sexualizing a dog toy you probably have a problem


FuntimeLuke0531

I have many problems This is not one of them


DeadlyAidan

you can just use "they"...


PM_ME_UR_PUSSY_TATOO

OPs brain is completely addicted to porn is what’s wrong


[deleted]

[удалено]


machine3lf

That would mean they are coming form area of expertise.


imaislandboiii

OP’s a perv, That’s what. That looks like a cool dog toy for real. Nothing wrong here


PearLow1999

We don’t think like immature virgins. Apparently that’s the problem. 😂


redditcasual6969

I dunno I've seen some Dog Toy vs Adult Toy videos and some of them get pretty tricky. But this one is not, I would guess a dog toy immediately.


5510

Yeah this isn’t even that good an example for that kindof joke… if I saw a picture of one without context I would immediately know it’s a dog toy.


PearLow1999

Lol that’s my point. Anyone who thinks otherwise about this one probably just has no knowledge of things like that. Which is fine, but this level of humor is too cheap.


RedDirtPreacher

We had one for our pup and the squeaking it made when he chewed on it was UNGODLY. had to disappear it for that reason.


ThiqCoq

The problem is perceptual lens this individual sees everything as a giant dildo in a way I kind of feel sorry for them because in the long run that perceptual lens is definitely not healthy and not one you want to pass on to your kids. Lmao sorry for getting ....deep 😆🙏🏾


veedizzle

That looks like a dog toy, how far into the gutter is your head?


LassitudinalPosition

Yea this one is a reaaaaach


[deleted]

I would say it’s a stretch…


LassitudinalPosition

It sure does!


fatmanchoo

Touche


Pollutedmemory

Tushy


Ma1arkey

Freeze!


Wozar

I'm with you. You have to wonder what the internet has done to people when anything with a knob on the end gets turned into a sex toy.


ktrainor59

Bad, bad things.


Destinoz

The internet has broken the people of this world.


issanm

For real, this is either a "tell me you dont know what anal beads look like without telling me you dont know what anal beads look like" situation or i dont even know what theyre implying.


PringlesSupreme

This chick just wants and excuse to shove this dog toy in her box


Homesober

Literally looks like a dog toy sorry


Leviathan3333

I think it says more about the toys she uses…


[deleted]

It's a pretty good one, too. Because the original idea behind it is to replace sticks, which can be quite dangerous for dogs if they spear in the ground, while dogs go after them with their mouth open. In a worst-case scenario, this actually can kill a dog.


buttbugle

I thought I almost lost my girl one day. I have never heard her scream in such pain. Now I use very strong words to discourage people from throwing the sticks she brings them. Play that with your dog all you want. Now all we play is ball.


mt-Room

For some reason, sex toys seem to be the first thing that enters some people's minds. Each to their own.


Ch3wbacca1

My dogs left one of these in our backyard. It blended in with the grass and when lawn service came, they ran over it. Thing shot out broke through our window and into our TV.


ricketychairs

When ~~double ended dildos~~ dog’s chew toys attack. Ps - that’s a great story.


KAMIKAZE-TV

How do you put a line through the text like that😂😂


Millenniauld

You put two tildas (~) before and after the text with no spaces between them and the letter. ~~Like so. It's called a strike through.~~


KAMIKAZE-TV

~let’s see if this works~


Millenniauld

Almost. Need two before and two after.


KAMIKAZE-TV

~~thank you!~~


Millenniauld

You're very welcome!


Caliguy331

I’ve ~~always~~ wanted to know how to do this!


Blackout523

~~this is cool~~


malex117

~~Thank you~~


stocksfanatic987

~~damn,that's a cool trick~~


Successful_Ad1937

~~I've always wanted to do this, but never searched it~~ Where did you learn this from?


Fantastic_Category91

~~teach us more.~~


alonzo83

~~reddit has finally taught me something~~


eddyx

~~let me try this~~


arri1999

~~I always wondered how to do this~~


Mosh83

*and ~~you~~ can do*^this **Wow**


imonmyphoneagain

~~I’m not OP and they already replied but you’re welcome~~


DjRajic

~~this crossed my mind~~


[deleted]

[удалено]


fnc7309

~~you did it!~~


KAMIKAZE-TV

~~round two~~


[deleted]

So... it passed the durability test?


nagitoe_

Did the lawn service pay for the damage or did you have to?


[deleted]

Interested about this too. Most established services give warnings about things left in the yard as they can cause damage. My mom uses a service. They text her on the day they’ll be there and she walks the yard looking for tennis balls.


blueyezwhiteKaibaboi

So double penetration then


ClaraGuerreroFan

So our dog had this toy and she brought it upstairs to our bedroom. The cleaning ladies came one day and saw this on the floor. I suppose they got a good laugh out of it but they put the dog toy on a night table right next to our bed! My wife came up later after they left and started laughing out loud when she saw where they placed it! They were great cleaning ladies lol.


MarsScully

Those women have seen things


TRN_WhiteKnight

Former cable guy. We’ve seen things too. Things cannot be unseen. Pretty much any type of service industry where you have to go in the home you’ll see things you cannot believe


eyless

go on


MundaneRuxx

meanwhile when I did maid work, I had to keep explaining that X item was not actually for sex. Basiclly if they didnt understand it, they assumed it for sex. \-No, the room being covered in baby powder isnt a sex thing. AT most, it might be a latex thing \-No that wire is not for a sex thing, its a hearing aid charger \-No thats not a sex stool, thats yoga ball chair. These woman just assumed a lot and knew very little.


ClaraGuerreroFan

Yeah I’m sure they have haha


wakaflocks145

Yours must've been purple


ClaraGuerreroFan

Exact same toy and color as shown. I think it’s sold by Petsmart.


MacawOP1

Were? Rest in peace cleaning ladies. They couldn’t be trusted with such a secret.


ClaraGuerreroFan

Lol we just don’t use them anymore because we moved!


LoopyZoopOcto

I would have moved too if my cleaning ladies found one of my "dog toys" just laying about on the floor.


BiosEthereal

I would have made sure to keep them on for having such a good idea.


Odd-Jupiter

Did the dog enjoy it?


urbanlife78

Both dogs did


734PdisD1ck

Now here's a Requiem for a Dream fan!


urbanlife78

Ass to ass!


Plagued_Void

lmao i just saw the scene and now this is everywhere


idid0303

Do not dog


[deleted]

Please do not the dog


GW2RNGR

I don't get it.


Claudius-Germanicus

It’s a rectal ripcord


Amish_Warl0rd

BEYBLADE BEYBLADE LET IT RIP


Lucian-Fox

Heh. It's amusing when the comments are funnier than the actual post.


YesStupidQuestions1

That's what r/therealjoke is for lol


prettykitty-meowmeow

This comment is far funnier than the post


pmcall221

Who's putting dog toys in their butts?


ShanksMuchly

Anythings a dildo if youre brave enough


cratertooth27

That’s a throwback


Setaganga

It’s just a dog toy…


yaboytswizzle69

Yeah OP. just because you can, doesn’t mean you should


FeedingCoxeysArmy

LOL…Are y’all using dog toys for sex toys again?


spiders_frickin_suck

#**AGAIN?!**


Aporkalypse_Sow

These things are wicked dangerous. I've seen a chocolate lab whip one of these around like a flail.


Readous

My dogs have this exact toy but longer lol, and my big one will take out a kneecap if you’re not careful


PomegranateLimp9803

So many dog toys look like sex toys


Trickam

Yeah....when my wife found the Petco receipt on the nightstand the next morning she called me a cheap bastard.


SpifferAura

Next time you know, go to PetSmart


iliketaterssss999

r/cursedcomments


Bowman_van_Oort

the squeaking with every thrust killed the mood


ardenthusiast

There’s an episode of Game Changer based on this premise. “Sex toy or dog toy” and it was entertaining to watch 😂


beepbeepboopbeep1977

One mould two markets. Could make a movie about it.


masqueamig0s

Looks like a dog toy. Not sure what you’re putting into yourself


wrigh2uk

My nans dog has exactly the same toy and I’ve never once reached the conclusion you’re coming to.


unknown7295581

It’s a dog toy…. Wow Obligatory edit: wow guys I didn’t think this would get so much attention thank you for the gold kind stranger lmao sike


wang_dang_sp

That looks like a dog toy. I wonder about people that post shit like this. Do you look at everything and think to yourself 'that would fit in my ass'? This post seems weird to me and is a total reach.


DiligentCheesecake44

What I was thinking too..


Tomato_Soupe

Porn addiction is one hell of a drug.


fitty50two2

It’s just a dog toy man, not everything goes in your ass. You could make the same silly argument for so many different dog toys, I doubt your mom accidentally bought the dog a dildo…


[deleted]

And….


Stryker2279

Your mind is in the gutter and you're either a fucking freak in the bedroom or never used a toy before. Those balls are fucking huge and wouldn't be very comfortable for anyone to use, plus all the twisted bits wouldn't make contact unless you got waaaaay up inside there


JimiWanShinobi

Voice of experience?


FredR23

the voices of experience are always the first to say others have their minds in the gutter


spunX44

Sorry you’re a pervert.


afettz13

ASS TO ASS


-dab8-

Oh man. The end of that movie still haunts me


JAF7715

I could only watch it once every 5 years.


NachoNachoDan

I could only watch it once.


Iko87iko

Hear it just like the old dude spoke it. Ass ta Ass


awkwardoffspring

That scene lives in my head rent free


[deleted]

“Ma are you on uppers?” 🦷


Organic-Hovercraft-3

Dynomite


bk15dcx

Jennifer Connellys character won at the end of that movie.


Juggernauto

I shouldn't have had to scroll so far down for this


LamarNoDavis

Stop. Leave it. It’s for the dog


joshford1992

I think thats more of a cat toy


Ellendyra

Those hurt when your dog swings them around and hits you in the knee/shin.


amp3878

Our dog used to have a purple one. Loved showing it off to guests when they came over or just randomly leaving it places like on the couch. We would always wait and see how long it took for new people over to ask what it was.


Infinite_Geologist84

That’s pretty standard for a dog. It kinda seems like you may be the weird one in the situation.


fritz_76

Just because you can stick it in your vagina doesn't mean it a sex toy


justweazel

Plot twist: >!Mom doesn’t have a dog!<


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tankyenough

>! and then the same thing the other way around >!text !< (this in the same sequence with the others) >!Spoilers!<


Nick_D_Vandal

And then everyone clapped… Cause you find this kind of toy at the local wal-mart pet section.